Original subtitles

- [Brian] Would you rather be famous and broke

or rich and anonymous?

- [Jason] Duh, rich and anonymous.

(Brian laughs)

Otherwise I'd be an author, not an agent

and you'd be a performer, not a publicist.

- [Brian] Ah, I guess, but we're not rich.

- [Jason] What are you talking about?

- [Brian] Not best-selling author rich,

not movie star rich.

- [Jason] Maybe not, but compare our lives

to most people on the planet.

Hell, to most Americans, we're rich.

- [Brian] Why do people always measure themselves

against the people with more

instead of the ones with less?

(Jason snickers)

- [Jason] Because we're all wired

to be selfish masochists?

(Brian laughs)

(upbeat music)

- Why can I never get their names straight?

- Because they're not both named Paul.

- Ha, ha, ha, okay,

is Geoffrey the older one, or is Clifford?

- Clifford is the Columbia professor.

Clifford, Columbia. - Yeah.

- It's alliterative.

- Geoffrey went to Columbia.

- But that is not alliterative.

- If Clifford's name was Dan, I could link it to Daddy.

- Not funny. - Not even a little?

- Maybe, but they've been together over three years,

it's a real relationship.

Oh, get the wine,

I wanna give it a chance to breathe.

- Wine! - Honey!

- No, wine.

Andrew, this is my Jason.

- I have heard a lot about you.

- And I have heard a lot about you,

and this is my boyfriend, Brian.

- Yeah, yeah, whatever, come on.

- My fellow interloper in Lisa-Jason world.

- (laughs) Finally, someone who understands.

- Listen, I have told every guy that I seriously dated

since college, if you want me, you get Jason.

We're a package deal.

- But the sex is just you two.

(Lisa blows a raspberry)

- Good, because, and don't take this personal,

you're so not my type.

(all laugh)

- I don't sleep with straight guys, or women.

- Just me. - Yeah, currently.

- Hey! - What, Jason's had

a lot of boyfriends. - Yeah, well, it took me

a while to find Mr. Right,

same as you. - Mhm.

- So, Wall Street?

- Yes. - And divorced?

Officially, not just separated?

- Jason! - Yes, divorced officially,

before Lisa and I met.

- You hang with Ta-Nehisi Coates?

- Well back in the day, his father founded and ran

the Black Classic Press,

and when I was researching my doctorate,

he and I became friends and he introduced me to Ta-Nehisi.

- He's so easy to talk to, like Lisa, and I love his wife.

And their son is terrific.

Oh and David consulted with them

when they bought their brownstone.

- I didn't know he was one of your clients.

- Oh, he wasn't, I just gave him some pointers,

a favor for a friend.

- Jason would've killed to represent him.

- Yeah, I'm not surprised.

- Is he happy with his PR people?

- Brian. - What, I'm just asking.

- You don't even represent authors.

- I have.

- I think he's happy with his team.

- Who's ready for dinner?

Totally inappropriate.

(swanky jazz music)

- I didn't realize you were looking for a Daddy

who'd punish you for being a bad boy.

- Yeah, you're going to love this wine.

Patti Lupone gave me a case for Christmas.

- Oh, we love having a friend who's

press agent to the stars, so many perks!

Don't cry for me, this smells delicious!

(others laugh)

So, when are you bringing Patti to the restaurant?

- I'm working on it.

- When are you bringing Jason

to the restaurant? - He's working on it.

- So you are a book agent?

- I prefer literary agent.

- Uh, they're still books. - Yeah.

- We're avid readers.

Have you read Sue Grafton's, "Q Is for Quarry?"

It's amazing, do you represent her?

- (chuckles) No. - Oh.

- Well, we also loved "The Nanny Diaries."

The way those two authors, oh I'm, sorry,

should I say authoresses?

The way they just totally dissed

the entire Upper East Side...

- I bet there is a contract

out on those bitches. - Maybe there is.

- Oh my Gay God.

You know who Mr. and Mrs. X really are.

- Boys. - We will take an oath

not to tell anyone. - A blood oath.

- Gimme a knife.

- No, I'm sorry, I do not know who they are.

- Really. - That's what he said.

- I represent authors who write more serious work.

(Paul hisses)

I mean, don't get me wrong,

I love reading trash fiction as much as anyone,

it's just not what I represent.

I'd make a lot more money if I did.

- Jason's clients win important awards.

- Brian's dick wins important awards too.

- Paul. - Am I right, Brian?

- Please. - Jason, these two were like

fuck-buddies back during the Civil War--

- We weren't fuck-buddies,

we were friends who slept together a couple of times

and yes, I told Jason all about it.

- Oh, well then this thing is serious.

- Well! - Oh my god, thank god,

I'm so happy, okay cheers. - Welcome to the family.

We'll grow on ya. - Nah, we won't.

- David is the only Yankee I know who can cook

down-home Southern to rival my mama.

- And his mama is a cook, not like mine.

The only thing she makes is reservations.

- (laughs) That joke is so tired.

- It's not a joke, it's the truth.

(others laugh)

- If I let David make dinner every night,

there wouldn't be enough gym-time in the week

to make up for it.

- There are other ways to work it off.

- Ooh, another old Southern tradition.

- Yes, but David is not Southern, he's from the Midwest.

- Meaning he's not that good at working it off?

- I just didn't appreciate being reprimanded

like a child in front of

your friends. - And I didn't appreciate your

trying to use my friend.

- I wasn't trying to use him. - Bullshit!

- I simply asked him a question!

- At least be honest, Brian.

- Okay, fine, fine.

I thought if Clifford thought that Coates

might be looking for a new PR firm,

I could throw my hat in the ring.

What was so embarrassing to you about that?

- It was a social evening among friends.

- Oh, wait a minute,

so you've never gotten a lead for a client

at a social evening?

- Ugh, there are ways and there are ways.

- Oh, oh I see, so it's not what I said,

it's how I said it.

Oh my, I can't believe we're actually fighting about this.

- Because you and Jason

never fought. - Of course we fought!

- Well, it's nice to hear you finally admit it.

And what did that crack mean about me being

from the Midwest? - My god, nothing.

Hell, I'm from the

Midwest too! - Yeah, I know.

- Then what is this about?

- I dunno. - Then can we please stop?

- Come here, wanna try to work off some of that dinner?

- In the grand old Southern tradition?

- Yeah. (both chuckling)

♪ You'll always be my forever ♪

♪ Down deep inside of me ♪

♪ You'll always be my forever ♪

♪ You're all I'll ever need ♪

(upbeat guitar music)