Original subtitles

- [Brian] Do you believe in love at first sight?

- [Jason] I believe in interest at first sight,

like when I met you, like when I met Lisa.

- [Brian] You were interested in Lisa?

- [Jason] Not in the same way I was interested in you.

- [Brian] Good answer.

- [Jason] But you were both people

I wanted to get to know better, a lot better.

- [Brian] But in different ways.

- [Jason] Are you jealous of Lisa?

- [Brian] Maybe a little.

- [Jason] You're kidding.

- [Brian] Rumor has it she's got a huge dick.

(both laughing)

(relaxed guitar music)

(happy piano music)

- To be clear, Paul and Paul and Peter

and Mark know about Patti Lupone, but Lisa and Andrew don't?

- This is how we put this behind us and move forward?

- I'm not trying to be pissy,

but if it comes up, I don't wanna be blindsided.

- Again?

- I didn't say that.

- I'm just saying it would've been nice

if you'd asked me before you said yes.

- You didn't have anything on for tonight.

Paul and Paul are our friends.

- Paul and Paul are your friends.

- I didn't realize we'd started making distinctions.

- Going to dinner at their restaurant

means the two of us sit while one or the other

or both of them jumps up every two minutes to deal

with some mini-crisis, which I understand.

It's their business, but it doesn't exactly allow

for anything resembling meaningful conversation.

- What is your problem?

- My problem is I had a rough day.

Thank you for asking.

Was looking forward to just vegging out tonight,

but instead, I come home

and find out I have to eat

another mediocre meal at Paul Squared

and listen to thing one drop little bon mots

into whatever conversation we're managing to have,

reminding us all that you two used to be fuck buddies.

- We weren't fuck buddies.

We were friends who sometimes slept together.

- Whatever.

- You think I love being dragged to every hole-in-the-wall

that Lisa happens to be performing in?

No, but I go because it's important to you.

- That is so not the same thing.

- Why, because you never slept with her?

Maybe if you had fucked her back in college,

she wouldn't still be mooning over you 20 years later.

- Really?

- You want me to call Paul and cancel?

I will. - So I can be the bad guy?

Oh no, no, no.

You told them we'd be there, we'll be there.

I'll just order a salad.

There's not much their chef can do to fuck that up.

- Yeah, well, it sure as hell beats Cafe Zodiac.

(Jason scoffs) (door handle squeaks)

(happy piano music)

I didn't tell Lisa and Andrew.

- Look, I'm really not trying to be a jerk, honest.

I'm just looking out for you.

(soft smooching)

- Thank you.

- [David] So glad you guys came.

- Hey, How could we not?

- Hey.

- Geoffrey is starstruck.

- I'm not starstruck, I'm a fan.

- Oh, and the difference is?

- I didn't refer to you as starstruck

when we were invited to dinner with Toni Morrison.

- You could have.

It was a magical evening.

- Jason loved Toni Morrison.

- Come sit by us.

- You're sure?

- Absolutely.

- Yeah, come on.

(Brian laughs) - [Andrew] Welcome.

- [Brian] Hey, man, how are you?

- The Pauls just told me about Patti Lupone.

That sucks.

- Yeah, yeah. - Why didn't you tell us?

Or did Lisa forget to mention it?

- I was trying to keep it quiet.

- Ow.

- You both look beautiful.

- Why do you seem so surprised?

- I'm not. Come on, join us.

- Mm-mm, I reserved a table for two.

More romantic.

(laughs)

- Isn't she sweet?

- The sweetest.

- Oh, and there they are, looking parentally harried.

- This isn't parentally harried.

This is middle school harried.

- God only knows what our lives will look like

when you're teaching middle schoolers

and Riley is a middle schooler.

- I need a drink.

- Oh yeah, we're gonna need drinks over here.

- Yes, lots of drinks.

- Lots of drinks.

(dramatic piano music)

(audience applauding)

- Ladies and gentlemen, a hundred thousand welcomes

to the legendary Don't Tell Mama.

(audience applauding) (audience cheering)

It's a grand night for singing indeed,

and we are thrilled to present, Broadway's own,

The loveable, the luminous, the lyrical,`

Lisa Hansen.

(audience cheering and applauding)

(piano playing "I'm Just Wild About Harry")

♪ I'm just wild about Harry ♪

And Andrew, Brian, Brenda, Paul.

Paul. (audience laughing)

Well hello, honey, what's your name?

- Geoffrey.

- Oh, and Geoffrey.

(audience laughing) ♪ And Harry's wild about me ♪

I mean, what's not to like, right?

(audience laughing)

♪ The heavenly blisses of his kisses ♪

♪ Fill me with ecstasy ♪

♪ You're all just like chocolate candy ♪

Like a big box of chocolates,

you never know what you're gonna get.

(laughing)

♪ And honey right from the bee ♪

The sweetest kind.

♪ Oh, I'm just wild about ♪

- [Audience] Harry!

(laughing)

♪ And Harr, ah, and Harry ♪

♪ And Harry's wild about, ♪

♪ Cannot do without ♪

♪ He's just wild about me ♪

(audience cheering and applauding)

Eugene!

- Thank you.

Yeah, this night's starting off great.

Gonna be a great show.

(laughing)

Thank you!

Thank you, Sidney, and thank you Don't Tell Mama.

They have given me two weeks here.

(audience cheering) Aah!

I am just praying that every night

is as full as this opening.

- Oh, darling, it will be!

- I am holding ya to it, Sidney.

Okay.

This next song, as always, is for Jason.

(dreamy piano music)

♪ Nights are long since you went away ♪

♪ I think about you all through the day ♪

- You're sure you don't want me to call a Lyft?

- No, I wanna walk off some of this energy,

but not in these shoes.

Hold these.

- Lisa, dogs pee on the sidewalks, and shit on 'em.

Drunk people vomit on them.

- You're such a romantic.

- Well yeah, I, uh--

- Gimme my bag.

- You don't let the twins walk barefoot outside, do you?

- No, Andrew, I insist on it.

What kind of mother do you think I am?

- Lisa.

- Wha?

(cellophane crinkling)

- What?

(Lisa scoffs)

What is going on?

(Lisa scoffs)

- Maybe we should get a car, after all.

- You had a brilliant opening night.

You've never sounded better in your life.

The audience went wild for you,

so what is the fucking problem?

(cars honking)

Hey, I'm talking to you, or trying to.

- I know, I'm sorry.

I'm just a terrible human being.

- I know, but I love you, anyway.

I was joking.

(Lisa scoffs)

- I want Brian to be happy.

I do, Andrew.

But when I see him with David,

it just makes Jason being gone realer.

And on a night like tonight, I just miss him so much.

- I know.

(Lisa sighs)

- It's supposed to get easier with time.

- And it will, it has.

But that doesn't mean there won't be nights like this.

The only way that could happen would be

if you completely forgot about him,

and that would be so much worse.

(Lisa sighs)

David's a nice guy.

- Ugh.

- The kind of guy Jason would want Brian to be with.

- I guess.

- Better than the guys you tried to fix him up with.

(both laughing)

- Maybe.

Maybe I don't want Brian with a wonderful guy.

Someone who might make him forget Jason.

- He's never going to forget him.

None of us are.

But he is going to move on.

He is moving on, and we should be happy for him.

(yells in frustration)

- Well, David became a big fan the other night.

(chuckles)

- Ooh, it is not easy seeing you with him.

- Eh, well, it wasn't easy for you

seeing Jason with me in the beginning.

- Well, I guess I was just tired

of seeing his heart get broken.

- Yeah, well.

From what I heard, he also broke a lotta hearts.

- Yeah, I guess he did.

- Including yours.

Pow.

(chuckles)

- Why didn't you insist he got the chemo?

- Ugh.

- Miracles happen.

He could've been one of 'em.

- Why didn't you insist?

(Lisa scoffs)

- You were his husband.

- Uh, yeah.

- Mm-hm.

- But your opinion always carried more weight than mine.

I learned that from the get-go and I accepted it.

- Really?

You did? - Oh, come on, Lisa.

Had I not gotten your stamp of approval,

I woulda been out in a snap,

just like the rest of his boyfriends.

Why didn't you use that power you had over him

to insist he try the chemo?

- I did!

- So did I!

So did I.

(Lisa exhales)

David is a nice guy.

He's just the kind of guy Jason would wanna see you with.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- I wanna be happy for you.

I am happy for you.

- Well. - It's just so fuckin' hard.

- Come here.

(sad piano music)

It's really hard for me, too.

- You're not happy.

- Oh, because no gay man can ever

really be happy in a relationship?

Because it goes against our nature.

It's a futile attempt to mirror the heteros.

- So you have been listening all these decades.

- Since the first time I heard that speech,

freshmen year at RISD.

- Oh, good for you.

- And I still don't agree.

- Which is why you're a serial monogamist.

Each of which I've seen you through,

from their Disney beginning

to their M. Night Shyamalan ending.

- One guy was a stalker.

- I'm just saying.

You may be able to fool your other friends.

You may be able to fool Brian.

You may even be able to fool yourself up to a point.

But I know you, doll.

You're not happy.

So, what is it?

Has the sex gotten boring?

- No.

- Have you met someone else?

- No.

- Has he?

- No.

No.

- Then, what?

- I really like him, Frank.

He's smart, he's funny, he's sexy.

- But?

- But nothing.

Once we're not twenty-something, we've all got baggage.

Even you.

Finish your sandwich.

I gotta get back to the office.

- You ever think about moving in together?

- Whoa, that came out of the blue.

- It certainly did!

- Not really.

- We were talking about childhood crushes.

- It's been over six months.

That's about when Jason and I moved in together.

- Actually, it was seven and a half.

- Roughly, anyway.

So, have you?

- Yeah, I've thought about it,

but I don't think we're there yet.

Mm.

(chuckles)

- Your first crush was really Scott Baio?

- Well, not grownup batshit crazy Scott Baio.

Cute little kid Scott Baio.

- Eh. - Oh, remember Bugsy Malone?

Besides, I was like, eight.

(smooches)

- Ah.

- When are you gonna tell him you don't like that?

(cymbal roll)

♪ You'll always be my forever ♪

♪ Down deep inside of me ♪

♪ You'll always be my forever ♪

♪ You're all I'll ever need ♪

(relaxed rock music)