Original subtitles

- [Brian] If you had to be stranded, on an island...

With one other person for the rest of your life

- [Jason] Uh huh.

- [Brian] Would you choose a hot gay guy you'd always have

amazing sex with, but who was too dumb

to ever have a real conversation with.

- [Jason] Aw man!

- [Brian] Or a smart straight guy who you could never

have sex with, but you could talk to about anything.

- [Jason] Aw that's a ridiculous choice!

- [Brian] C'mon! Answer!

- [Jason] Okay. Over time I could teach the hot guy stuff...

- [Brian] No, no, no, no, no, he's too dumb to

learn anything.

- [Jason] Okay. Then, over time, the straight guy

would get as horny as me, so...

- [Brian] Nope, nope! If you ever suggested sex,

he'd kill himself!

Then, you'd be alone forever!

- [Jason] I'm not playing this game! It's stupid!

(upbeat acoustic guitar)

(ragtime piano music)

(laughing and talking)

- Hey! Hey, I'm sorry I'm late!

(kissing)

I didn't miss you, did I?

- No, they haven't started yet.

- What happened?

- P.R. crisis. One of our 'action-hero' clients

didn't like the table he was given at Dirty French.

- The place where a steak costs 250 bucks?

- Ooh, who was it?

- I can't talk about it.

- Brian!

- Client privilege!

(scoffs)

- What is the point of having a friend

who's a press agent to the stars

if he can't talk about the dirt!

- Can you talk about Ron?

- Who's Ron?

- The guy Brian met while he and Riley

were bicycling last weekend!

(gasps)

- Really?

Tell mama more! What's he look like?

- I don't know, I... just a guy, actually.

I wasn't even paying attention.

- Riley said he was sooooo into Brian!

- And Riley has a vivid imagination.

- Are you gonna ask him out?

- I don't even know his last name!

- Are you going to fuck him? You don't need

to know his last name to fuck him.

(sighs)

- He's right about that, at least in the straight world.

- Oh, Andrew!

- Okay, I don't know his last name,

I don't know his phone number,

I don't know his e-mail address.

I don't know anything.

- You're lying!

- Where's the waiter? I need a drink.

- The waiter is cute, but useless! I'll walk you to the bar!

- Yeah, bring another round for the rest of us.

- Ron... hmmmmmmm.

(laughing)

- You got Ron's number didn't you?

(murmurs)

So, what are you doing for sex?

- I have a headache.

- I'm serious. Are you hooking up at the gym?

Are you on Grindr?

- No, and no.

- Why not?

- 'Cause I'm not interested.

- Jason died almost a year ago.

If you're not ready to date you're not ready to date.

But you gotta have another outlet besides... jerking off.

You are at least jerking off?

(moans)

- Oh, um, hey, double Maker's Mark on the rocks aaaand

whatever anybody else is having.

- Ladies and gentleman. A hundred thousand welcomes

to the legendary Don't Tell Momma's.

Tonight, we have an evening of special friends.

People who've been on Broadway,

people who should be on Broadway,

and people, like our first singer, who was on Broadway,

and should be there a whole lot more!

- Yes, yes!

(applauding)

- The wonderful, beautiful, and

supremely talented: Lisa Hansen!

(cheering)

- Oh, thank you! Thank you!

Haven't done club stuff in a while,

but I promised a friend, my best friend.

How can you be so calm about all of this?

- All those yoga classes you dragged me to over the years...

- I am being serious

- I don't know...

it's not how I would have imagined I'd respond.

Maybe it's just all those other emotions

seem like such a waste of time and,

well, I don't have that much time to waste.

- There are other doctors, there are other hospitals.

There's a guy I work with, in Morgan,

who's totally connected to the cancer world.

I'll give him a call.

- That what I love about you Wall Street guys.

But all the money and influence

and connections and insider info,

they can't help me...

anymore than they helped Steve Jobs.

(sobs)

- But that doesn't mean that you can't try!

- I'm gonna... make some tea.

- I'll give you a hand.

- How the fuck am I supposed to

bring up those twins without you?

- You have Andrew.

(laughs)

- I love my husband, but straight men are

so boring when it comes to children.

- Because it goes completely against

their nature to be parents.

(laughs)

(sniffs)

- I just love you so much!

- Me too, you!

(kissing)

All these years and still... nothing!

- Because I wasn't trying!

(sniffs)

- Sweetie, it was important for me to tell you first.

We'll tell everybody else this week.

I just don't know what the best way is.

In person? On the phone? One-on-one? In a group?

- You could always post it on Facebook.

(laughs)

Have you told your parents yet?

- Yeah.

- Oh!

- They're flying in...

(scoffs)

I don't know if I'm ready for that,

but they wanna see me...

(sobs)

While I'm still me.

All those years of safe sex couldn't protect me from this.

(sighs)

- I don't want you to die.

(sobs)

(kisses)

- At my memorial... and I want there to be one

and I want it to be called a memorial.

No sugar-coated euphemisms, like

'a celebration of his life'.

- No euphemisms, I promise.

- There can be laughs, but I also want there

to be tears and drama.

And whatever else you say, I want you to tell that story

of the first day we met at Northwestern.

- No! No!

My God! Not in front of strangers!

- Yes!

- You're so crazy.

(sighs)

- I want you to sing.

(sobs)

and, speaking of singing,

there've been enough excuses, missy!

Joshua and Gabrielle are old enough to be left

with Andrew or a baby-sitter.

So, if Broadway isn't hiring you,

I want you to get back into the Cabaret rooms.

- Ugh, Jason.

- I'm serious. And you can't refuse me...

because it's a dying request.

- I promise.

- Jason, this is for you.

(slow jazz)

♪ Nights are long since you went away ♪

♪ I think about you all through the day ♪

♪ My buddy... ♪

♪ My buddy... ♪

♪ Nobody quite so true ♪

♪ Miss your voice, the touch of your hand ♪

♪ I long to know that you understand ♪

♪ My buddy... ♪

♪ My buddy... ♪

♪ Your buddy misses you ♪

♪ Miss your voice, the touch of your hand ♪

♪ I long to know that you understand ♪

♪ My buddy... ♪

♪ My buddy... ♪

♪ Your buddy misses you ♪

(clapping)

- Are you leaving?

- Yeah. Just tell Lisa she was great.

Tell her that, um, Jason would have...

I'm sure he's thrilled....

(crying)

- I'm sorry I just couldn't stay there

- I know.

But damn, she was good

- Yeah.

- Paul was right.

About you needing to get out there.

That guy Ron was hot.

(phone ringing)

This was a hard night for her, too.

- I know.

I'll call her when I get home.

I'll schedule some one-on-one time with her.

- Thanks.

You're gonna call that Ron guy, too.

- You should!

- I'm trying!

(relaxing guitar music)

♪ You'll always be my forever. ♪

♪ Down deep inside of me. ♪

♪ You'll always be my forever. ♪

♪ You're all I'll ever need. ♪