All language subtitles for Chico.and.the.Man.S02E15.The.Hypnotist.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BTN_track4_[eng]

♪ One two uh
one two three and... ♪

♪ Chico don't be discouraged ♪

♪ The Man he ain't so hard
to understand ♪

♪ Chico if you try now ♪

♪ I know that you can lend
a helping hand ♪

♪ Because there's good
in every one ♪

♪ And a new day has begun ♪

♪ You can see the morning sun
if you try ♪

♪ And I know
things will be better ♪

♪ Oh yes they will
for Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yes they will
for Chico and The Man ♪♪

Only a few seconds left.

The Lakers are behind by only one point.

There's the incomparable
Kareem Abdul Rodriguez

going for the basket.

It's good! Hyah!

The crowd goes wild, it's
another victory for Kareem!

Kareem? I'll cream you if you
don't get back to work.

Oh, I see you're in another great mood.

Well, why should I be in a good mood?

Come with me. Look out there.

Another beautiful sunny day
in Southern California.

Ah, there's something in the air.

Smog.

You're right that it's a terrible day

life isn't worth living.

Why don't you go out
and lie under a bus?

No use. They never run on time.

Ed, man, you are opening new frontiers

in man's endless quest
to find unhappiness.

- Yeah?
- What is it this time?

Well, if you must know,
Chico, I got a problem.

It's Flora.
She wants to marry me.

Flora wants to marry you? Ha-ha.

You don't got a problem with a woman.

You got a woman with a problem.

Ooh, man.

It's not that I don't like
Flora, 'cause I really do.

But you know I haven't had lunch
alone for the past three weeks?

And she's coming over again today.

- Well, who can blame her?
- Mm...

I mean, look at that gorgeous face.

That gorgeous physique...

Look at those shoulders.

Ah, no!

I'll answer it.
Stop your laughing.

As far as Flora's concerned

there are only two men
in this whole world.

Me and Robert Redford.

♪ Oh Louie
ain't feelin' so well ♪

♪ He got a pain
in his tooth and neck ♪

♪ And that's crazy ♪♪

Ah, Louie, you only got
a pain in your tooth.

- I have a terri--
- Ed, the man is suffering.

- Let him go see a dentist.
- Go to him?

I gotta take a shot of ether
just to call him on the phone.

I don't understand.
What are you afraid of, man?

That! That's what I'm afraid of.

That dentist is gonna dig out my tooth

until there ain't nothing left.

Yeah. Let's hope he does the
same thing to your wallet.

Ed, stop that.
Louie doesn't like it.

Louie, I don't mind the
drill, see, my dentist

uses hypnotism, so you don't feel pain.

Chico, it's not the pain that I'm
afraid of. It's the dentist.

Somebody gotta hypnotize
me first to go to him.

- Well, I can hypnotize you.
- Hm? You can hypnotize?

You can't even spell a word.

I'll have you know I know a lot
about hypnosis, I've read

about it, I've studied it, I've
put people asleep at parties.

I'll bet.

Sit down there, Louie.

Now, you're sure this ain't
gonna hurt, uh, Chico?

It's not gonna hurt.
Sit down and relax. Okay?

Okay. Now try to follow me.

After I put you under, I'm
gonna give your subconscious

a post-conscious suggestion
that your conscious mind

will not be aware of, so that
when you regain consciousness

your subconscious will be aware

of the post-conscious
suggestion. With me?

I got as far as, uh

"Okay, Louie, try to follow me."
Then I lost you.

You lost him? Hey, maybe you
can teach me how to do that.

Ed, would you please?
It's very scientific.

Okay. Are you comfortable?
Relax.

Are you sure you're not
gonna hurt me, are you--

No, I'm gonna hurt you, man.
Grow up. Okay.

Now look at the lightbulb
and concentrate on it.

I want your mind to be a complete blank.

His mind was blank when he came in here.

- What does he need you for?
- Would you be quiet?

Alright, Louie, now your
mind is totally empty.

You only hear the sound of my voice.

You're concentrating on the lightbulb.

Your mind is a complete blank
and you're getting sleepy.

What are you doin'?

You're getting very, very sleepy.

Oh, leave him alone.

Your eyes are getting heavy,
too heavy to hold open.

Come on, Chico, it's not gonna work.

Your eyes are closing and
you're sound asleep.

Now raise your right arm.

Raise your left arm.

Put them down.

Put 'em up. Put 'em down.

Put 'em up.

Now you're a bird, flying
high, high in the sky!

Oh, Chico, it doesn't...

Get high and letting you lift me up.

- It didn't work.
- Yes, it did!

Hey, yes, it did!
He's going out the door!

- Ed, Ed!
- Get out of the way!

- Hey!
- Don't stand under him.

- What are we gonna do, Chico?
- Ed!

You're no longer a bird. Relax.

Hey! That was wonderful!

Now turn him into a gorilla.

Louie, I'm not gonna turn
him into anything else.

I mean, this ain't a game.

Yet, you know, it wouldn't be bad
to change him into somebody

a little easier to live with.

Think I'll un-grouch his grouchiness.

Now, how you're gonna do that?

Give him a posthypnotic suggestion.

Ed Brown, do you hear me?

I hear you.

You've been mean, grouchy and horrible.

I've been mean, grouchy and horrible.

Okay.

And when anybody asks
you to do something

you always argue.

I always argue.

From now on when anybody says,
"Will you do something?"

you'll be sweet and obedient.

They say, "Will you do something?"

I'll be sweet and obedient.

When I count to three
and snap my fingers

you'll wake up and won't
remember being hypnotized.

One, two, three.

Louie, I wouldn't listen to Chico.

He could no more hypnotize
you than I can fly.

Hey, Ed, bark like a dog.

Bark like a... Are you out of your mind?

Get out of here before I bite your leg.

Ed, bark like a dog, will you?

Will I?

Ed, what are you doin'?

What do you mean what am I doing?

- All that barkin'.
- What barking?

- That barking!
- That barking?

Do you hear any barking?
I don't hear any barking.

Chico, better not let him
get near a hydrant.

I...

Ah, you know something?
I'm going upstairs.

I got a headache, and Flora's
coming over to lunch again.

Between the two, I don't know
which one is the worst.

Chico, get back to work.
Louie, go see a dentist.

- You think I can do it?
- Yeah, go ahead.

Sing me a song, Ed.

Sing you a song?
I'll sing you a song, you...

- Will you?
- Will I?

♪ While strolling
through the park one day ♪

♪ In the merry merry month
of May ♪

♪ I was taken by surprise
by a pair of roguish eyes ♪

♪ And she stole my heart away ♪♪

Thank you, Ed. Thank you.

Excellent!

- Ed.
- What?

Your singing has warmed
the cockles of my heart.

You better watch him, Ed.
He's being charming again.

Yeah, what are you trying to do?

Butter us up for another donation?

Oh, I wouldn't put it so strongly, Ed.

Now, I may be laying on
a little margarine--

- Butter. Butter.
- Margarine.

Butter it's for... But!

But it's for a very nice cause.

You see, I am collecting
for middle-aged orphans.

I never heard of middle-aged orphans.

Of course not, it's the
cute little orphans

that get all the action.

Who wants a 40-year-old orphan?

- It's a very worthy cause, Ed.
- Yeah.

Like your fund for unwed
fathers. Forget it, man.

Oh, Ed, give him something.

Give something?
I wouldn't give him a penny.

Ed, give him something, will you?

Will I?

Hey, let me see how much I got here.

I think there's, uh, five,
ten, fifteen... Here.

- Make it 20. Here you are.
- Oh, thank you.

Oh, your girlfriend's here.
Come no, Ed. There's Flora.

Heh-heh. Go ahead.

Be nice. Go on, go on, go on.

Oh... Ed, darling.

Oh, Ed, oh...

Mm... Robert Redford,
eat your heart out.

Oh, Chico, you adorable thing.

Oh, if I were only ten years younger

I'd still be too old for you.

Heavy, Flora. Very heavy.

- Hold it, Chico.
- Huh?

Do you mean heavy as in chubby?

No, no. I mean, heavy as in hip.

Heavy hips?
You wanna rephrase that?

Oh, no, what he means, that he
means heavy as in far out.

Qu'es ca se, far-out hips?

No, no, what I mean is you're
alright, you're out of sight

you're hip and mellow, alright, uptight.

Oh, good.

- Good. Oh, good.
- Looking good, you know?

Good.

Oh...

Because I'd go bananas if
anyone mentions my weight.

- Fellas, I gotta tell you.
- Hm?

I love my Eddie.

And someday I hope to hear the
magic words, "Marry me."

And I don't want killer
over there to get the idea

that I'm a little bit chubby.

I don't wanna lose the big lug.

I love him.

Oh, Ed. Ed, I love you.

Oh, come on, Flora. Cut it out.

The fellows don't wanna
hear all that mushy stuff.

- You...
- Even I wanna hear that.

Come on. Horny ass.

Hold it. You Tarzan. Me Jane.

Now you just grab a vine
and let you and me swing.

But first I wanna hear the magic words.

Magic words?
Abracadabra, presto, Shazam.

- Come on, let's go to lunch.
- Uh, no.

I wanna hear "Marry me."

Marry you? That's the last
thing I would ever say.

Ed, be a good sport.
Marry me, will you?

- Wait a minute, Ed, 'cause--
- Will I?

Ed, wait a minute.
Hold it, Ed, Ed.

Flora, marry me, will you?

Let me think it over.

I thought it over.
Yes, I will. I do.

Oh, congratulations.
When can I set the wedding date?

- Yeah, yeah.
- Well, I think very soon.

Ave Maria purisima.

Oy vey!

Well, Chico, you came into Ed
Brown's life two years ago.

He was miserable.
You opened up the world to him.

Now, with you help,
he's getting married.

How could you do this to him?

- Chico.
- Hey, Louie.

Hey, how's the pain in your tooth?

Oh, the pain in the tooth's still there.

But at least I got it out
where I can see it.

Well, I'm glad you feel better,
Louie. But I feel rotten.

Ed's getting married and it's my fault.

He wasn't in his right
mind when he proposed.

Well, what man is?

Louie, man, I'm the one
who did this to him.

Look, Chico, if it's
bugging you all that much

why don't you just tell Ed

that it was your hypnotism
that messed up his mind

sprained his brain and
sent his ego into Oswego?

Louie, I tried to tell
him a hundred times

but every time he had a
hammer in his hand.

Well, there's nothing
to do about it now.

So you might as well let it go.

Let it go?
Louie, I can't let it go.

I can't live with myself with the guilt.

I've gotta walk right up to
Ed, look him in the eye

and tell him the truth.

Or else I could send him a
nice letter from Tibet.

♪ Here comes the groom ♪

♪ Ready for doom ♪♪

Thanks a lot, Louie, I needed that.

- Here's your hat.
- Thank you.

Yeah. I'm on my way.

Going to get it. No hurry.

And I can only tell you...

...I'm about to get married

and there's two very important
things I have to do.

Ed, I've gotta tell you
something before...

Oh.

This is one.

And this is the other.

Ed, you can't keep that up.

Keep it up?
I can hardly keep it down.

Chico, how did I get mixed up in this?

- Ed, you better sit down.
- Sit down, eh?

Uh, Ed, do you know why
you're getting married?

Sure, because she proposed
to me and I said yes

and I can't back out.

Uh, you're wrong, Ed.

The only reason you agreed to
marry Flora is 'cause I gave you

a posthypnotic suggestion after
I put you into a trance.

Come on, Chico. I understand
what you're trying to do.

You're inventing a, uh, some
kind of a cockamamie story

just to get me out of this
marriage, and I appreciate it.

Chico, you're a good boy
and you're my friend.

And there's something I
think you ought to know.

- What's that, Ed?
- You're drooling on my suit.

♪ Here comes the bride
don't try to hide ♪♪

Get your hat.

Looking good!

I was going to wear white.

But who are we kidding?

Hey, Flora, don't you know it's bad luck

for the groom to see the
bride before the wedding?

And it's even worse to see
Ed after the wedding.

Oh.

Well, how do I look?

- Ravishing.
- Oh, I certainly hope so.

Well, what do you say, Big Ed?

Well, it's very flattering.
It makes you look awful slim.

- Look, ace.
- Huh?

Before we get married, there's
something I wanna tell you.

My figure is off-limits.

Then what are you getting married for?

No, what I mean is, no cracks about fat.

No jokes about fat.
No nothing about fat.

What do you say, tiger?

- Ready to tie the knot?
- Yeah.

Yeah, around that sucker's neck.

Don't tell me you big daddy
is getting cold feet.

No, I was--

Well, big mama knows how to fix it.

- Yeah.
- Now, how about a big kiss?

Oh, come on, Flora,
we're getting married.

This is no time to be lovey-dovey.

Oh.

One kiss?

- Oh, I don't wanna--
- Ed, please, will you?

Will I?

Now, that was just the appetizer.

Now next we'll go to Reverend Bemis

and then you can have your dessert.

- Oh!
- Well, w-wait a minute, wait.

- You can't go.
- Why can't I go?

Uh, well, you have to fix your tie.

- Come on, come on.
- Tie? What's the matter with--

Let's fix your tie.
Okay, it's all fixed.

- Oh. Okay.
- Okay. Wait a minute.

- Where's your flower?
- Flower? What's the matter?

It's right here... Oh. Where
have my flowers gone?

That's alright, Ed.
You can have mine.

Now, what does that mean?

You got a big mouth!

- Eddie...
- Oh.

- The preacher's waiting.
- Ah, here we come.

Ah, wa-wait a minute. How about
the ring? You got the ring?

Ah, the ring.
I gave the ring to you.

No, I don't have the ring.
You didn't give me no ring.

- I gave it--
- You left it in the storeroom.

Why would I leave it in the storeroom?

You leave everything there.
Go ahead.

- Louie, help him look for it.
- Okay.

Come on, you'll find it in there.

Flora, I have to talk fast.

Ed's marrying you under false pretenses.

- He don't even love you.
- Love?

Look, Chico, at our age we're lucky

to have the strength to like each other.

Well, the only reason he's marrying you

is 'cause he's under my hypnotic spell.

Look, Chico, he's under
my hypnotic spell.

Listen, this is very important, Flora.

I gave Ed a posthypnotic
suggestion in a trance

and the words that got you
together are, "Will you."

Those are words that get
everybody together.

Flora, they are the key words.

You see, any time you
say "Will you" to Ed

there's no way he won't.

I'll remember that for the honeymoon.

Ah, I can see it all now.

I'll say, "Big Ed, will you?"

- And he'll say--
- What do I do now?

Ed...

Louie, Louie.

Louie, lend him your ring, will you?

Look, Flora, don't try none
of your "Will yous" on me.

I'm not hypnotized.

I think we ought to look in the safe.

Ed, never mind the safe. Listen.

Flora's a wonderful woman,
but you don't really

wanna get married, and
I'll get you out of it.

Oh, come on, forget it, Chico.

Ed, go to sleep, will you?

Will I?

- Ed, do you hear me?
- I can hear you.

Alright, from now on when
anybody says "Will you" to you

instead of Mr. Nice Guy, you're
suddenly gonna remember

some old jokes.

And the first old joke you're
gonna remember is, uh...

There.

Now for no extra charge

I am throwing in

my version of the "Wedding March."

Oh.

Ha.

♪ The wedding is here ♪

♪ Without any maybes ♪

♪ But we'll meet next year ♪

♪ 'Cause I also
christen babies ♪♪

Oh, I, uh...

I think in this case
we'll skip that chorus.

- Hm.
- Now, where are the witnesses?

Oh, Louie is bringing Chico
over in his sanitation truck.

Oh, good.

Chico, you think these "Will
yous" are gonna work?

We got it made. We're here, rev.

Ah, there's the best
man and the witness.

Well, well, we have our
witness, we have a best man.

We have a minister. We have a
groom and we have a bride.

So, uh, bride...

There's nobody to give the bride away.

Why don't you auction her off?

Stop that, Chico!

- This is a serious moment.
- Yes.

Let us continue with the ceremony.

Uh, I'd like the bride
over here, please.

I'd like the groom right
about here. Right there.

Louie, I would like you
over here, please.

And I'd like the best man right
by the bride. Very good.

And I'll be, uh, right here. Good.

Now...

Chico, when you gonna
get to the "Will you?"

- We don't have to.
- What do you mean?

- Don't worry about it. Just--
- Shh. Shh.

I'm sorry, he had to ask me something.

I think we're ready to start.

Dearly beloved

we are gathered here to
witness the marriage

of this man Edward

to this woman Flora.

- Edward...
- Here it comes.

- Will you take this wo--
- Will I?

Say, Flora, did you hear the
story about the fat lady

who was so fat, when she
sat around the house

she really sat around the house?

Wait a minute! Hold it!

Hold it! Hold it!

Are you out of your mind?
What did you say?

Oh, gee, Flora, I'm sorry.
I didn't know what I was doing.

It's... I can't imagine
what happened to me.

Oh, it's alright, it's alright.

Many, many people behave oddly
when they're under restraint.

Come on, it's alright.

You know, I recall one
groom who was so nervous

that he kissed me and gave
the bride ten dollars.

Rev, uh, th-the ceremony...

- Oh, yes, of course.
- Yes, thank you.

Oh.

Edward...

- Will you take--
- Will I?

Say, Flora, did you hear the
one about fa-fat lady?

You know what she got when she
fell in her living room?

- What'd she get?
- A sunken living room.

- Stop it!
- Whoo! Ha-ha-ha...

- Stop it! Hold it!
- What's the matter?

Yeah, you have done it again.
Are you out of your mind?

I'm sorry. I-I can't explain--

Oh, oh, I can.
You see, when she fell down--

Oh, shut up!

Hey, you come here, Ed.
Now, you come back here.

Now, I am going to give
you once more chance.

Oh, okay. Gee, I'm sorry, Flora.

Uh, reverend...

Move it.

Edward, do you take this woman

to be your lawful wedded wife?

He said, "Do you" instead of "Will you."

Edward, I asked you a question.

Do you take this woman

to be your lawful wedded wife?

I have to give this a little thought.

Answer him, will you?

Will I? Say, Flora...

Did you heard the one
about the fat lady--

Okay, that does it!
Now here are your flowers.

Here is your cockamamie reverend.

And you have just lost the
loveliest girl in the world.

- Move it!
- Oh, hey.

Hey, my Flora.

Well, Flora.

Ah, gee, fellas.

You know something? I'm-I'm
glad I'm not getting married.

But I still don't understand
what I was doing.

- Or why I was--
- Ed, Ed, Ed. It's all over.

- Now relax, will you?
- Will I?

Say, did you hear the one
about the fat lady?

She was so fat, when she
was in the bathroom...

Gee, uh, Flora, I'm sorry.

But it really wasn't my fault.

It was all Chico's fault, you see?

Let me explain what happened.

I was standing right over here
and Chico was telling Louie

"Look at the light." See?

Then he said, "Listen to my voice

"because I want you to feel very sleepy.

You are getting more sleepy.
Now you are asleep."

Then he said, "Raise your right hand."

Then he said, "Raise your left hand."

And then he said the key
words, "Will you"?

Oh, now I remember.

And that's when I said,
"Marry me, will you?"

- Yes.
- Will I? Oh, come on, honey.

Ed!

Chico. Chico.

Flora, forgive him, he doesn't
know what he's doing.

- Oh, yes, he does.
- Oh...

Chico, one, two, three, four.

[Chico] "Chico And The
Man" was recorded live

before a studio audience at NBC Studios

Burbank, California.

♪ Chico was born in El Barrio ♪

♪ Spent much of his time
in the streets ♪

♪ His mind was craving
for knowledge ♪

♪ His belly
for something to eat ♪

♪ But times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ Chico and The Man ♪

♪ Yeah yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ It's alright ♪

♪ Yeah ♪♪