All language subtitles for The.Misadventures.of.Mistress.Maneater.-en

- Help me.

- That's not your safe word.

I need your safe word, Frank.

Do you not remember your safe word?

Hold on, I got it in your contract.

What's your Wi-Fi password?

- Sperm whale.

Of course it is.

Nice try, Frank, but I'm
not doing mouth-to-mouth.

- Screw it.

- You wish.

- Mistress, can I have the lighter now?

Please.

- Freaking firebug.

Are you out of your furry phase already?

- Fire, yeah.

Fire, fire.

- It shuts up or it gets the duct tape.

- Promises, promises.

- Do you ever dress up like Barbie

or a naughty Hogwarts student?

- No.

- It's gonna be so fun to share him.

Sharing wasn't in the contract.

Well, this
should take care of that.

- It wasn't in the contract.

You signed the contract.

- Bite me.

- Not in the contract.

What are you?

Some kind of union boss or something?

Let's go.

- Yeah, a union boss

with a whip.

- How much extra for hummer?

- Somebody didn't read the contract.

- Would you stop doing that?

I mean, you think you
just get all of this dough

because you order me around

and wear the cute little costume?

Come on, what are you, stupid?

- Oh my God.

Oh.

Ow, goddamn, son of bitch.

Ow

- Mom!

Once upon a time,
there was a dominatrix

who wanted out.

But there's no safe word
for golden handcuffs.

I hate that moniker, semi-colon,

it makes me sound like
Godzilla, exclamation point.

Shit.

My bid for freedom was
investing a half million

in my best friend Gabe's
real estate company.

His business partner, Lloyd,
put it in a development deal

in the boonies that would nab
us millions in six months.

And I have this new boyfriend, Boris,

I borrowed that investment money from.

He was the sweetest
acquaintance for 10 years.

Then we went out.

Yeah, his boys, Vlad and
Viktor, more on them later.

These clowns think I'll
actually have sex with them.

I told you that buy one, get
one promo would backfire.

- Guess who I'm going as to
the super BS Halloween party?

- Oscar Wilde.

- See, you are a genius.

- You've been Oscar Wilde every Halloween

for the past decade.

- But which Oscar Wilde
will I go as this year?

- A gay one.

How's Lloyd's deal going?

- Someone's a little
antsy about her money.

Is that Russian mafia
boss of yours finally

putting the screws to you?

Oh, wait, that's right, he's gay.

- Boris is not gay and he's not a mobster.

Just because he's Russian and rich

doesn't mean he goes around
breaking people's kneecaps.

- And denial ain't just
a river in Egypt, honey.

Let's not forget what happened

to your buddy Professor Solomon.

- Don't, Gabe.

- Sooner you never see the
Godfather again, the better.

- That's right, lemmings,

I'm a goddess and I shit
rainbows and unicorns.

God, it was a stupid, silly game.

And in six months, I'd
never have to play it again.

I didn't wanna be here with
these IQ waving narcissists.

I wanted to be home in yoga pants,

bingeing on ice cream and BBC dramas.

- Who is that?

- Why?

You wanna get your kink on?

- Excuse me?

- Go on.

Ask her, ask her how
much you cost per hour.

- You mean,

- Yeah.

- But with whips, and chains

and all that kinky shit.

Good money for spreading your legs.

- Test.

Testing.

- No one cares, Karen.

They're here to drink.

- Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce

our newest Super Brain Society
member, Jordan Gronendyke

- Gronendyke

Jordan Gronendyke.

I'm 19 and the youngest masters
graduate from the state.

4.0 GPA.

- I have been the
youngest masters graduate

in the state.

I thought I always would be.

- And I was just accepted
into the Stanford PhD program.

Can't go too soon though,
as I'm being honored

at the White House in August.

- I needed air.

One new client and we could leave,

one new client and we could leave.

- Looks like he just replaced
Ava as the new wunderkind.

- Freaks pay her to spank them.

Can you believe it?

- Didn't she get expelled
from her PhD program?

- Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

- And then I saw him.

Fresh meat.

Good evening.

I'm Ava.

- Hi.

- A little birdie told me
you needed some company.

- Excuse me.

- It's an old expression.

And what is your name?

- Radovan.

- Where are you from, Radovan?

- The Balkans.

You know where that is?

- Yes, I do.

You are at an intellectually elitist party

for IQs 140 and over, Mr. Radovan.

This little birdie also mentioned
that there would be music

and do you mind like
to join me for a dance.

- Thank you, I'd rather not.

- You see those people at
12 o'clock watching us?

If I walk away right now, they'll think

you turned me down flat.

You wouldn't do that to me now, would you?

- Perhaps you should not let the opinions

of others dictate what you do.

- Touche.

Perhaps we could continue
this conversation?

- Thank you.

I am sure it is a very expensive
card and I appreciate it.

But I would hate for
you to waste it on me.

Excuse me.

- I got a special song

for all of you love birds here tonight.

Here's one for y'all called
"The Masterpiece of You."

- Stick a fork in me.

I'm done.

- Oh, Mister Black-on-Charcoal

didn't wanna play "Fifty
Shades" with you, hmm?

- He eats from the other
side of the buffet.

- Oh, he's not gay.

Trust me.

I did my worst.

- You have the gay-dar of an armadillo.

- I give great gay-dar.

Besides, you're the one who
thought you had a chance

with Nathan Mueller.

- We were freshmen.

He didn't even know he was gay.

For sure.

- He drove a Beetle convertible

and wore lipstick.

- That was for a show.

- And the fact that he was
a musical theater major

didn't tip you off?

- Shut up or I'll whip you for free.

- Mr. Amador.

- Father Radovan.

Glad you're able to make it in.

And how's the parish?

- Gabe, you dick.

- Very well.

Thank you.

I did not realize you
were in conversation.

I'll just--
- Oh no, no, no, no.

Please, please.

I believe you've met Miss Moriarty.

- Yes.

- It's wonderful that you were
able to make it out tonight.

So Lloyd's business deal
that you're so concerned

with is right by Father
Radovan's Episcopal parish.

Beautiful church. Built

by the firm that I believe you

did your speech on in Kusper's class.

Remember?

- Burnham and Root or Lopez and Adams?

- That one.

- Then it has to be

the 1952 English Gothic
Revival Commission right

before Lopez died.

- It's a real treasure.

Beautiful church.

But it's also very expensive
to maintain and insure.

So father Radovan was hoping

to borrow against the art collection.

- It was a suggestion made by Mr. Lloyd.

His fiance, Ashley, is a parishioner.

- Ashley Hicks?

The selfie reporter?

- She runs our town's news site.

Perhaps I spoke out of turn.
- Oh, not at all.

We're both partners with him.

We just didn't realize
that they were so serious.

- You are both?

- Yeah, Ava's our recent silent partner.

But her day job is actually...
- I've been told

what her day job is.

- Oh, excellent.

Well, she's the art historian
that you were so eager

for Lloyd to introduce you to.

- Her?

But she is a...

she is a...

- Excuse me.

I'm not a pronoun.

I'm standing right here.

I'm not deaf and I speak
English better than most.

Ava.

- I've dealt with this long enough, okay?

What I do for a living doesn't
mean I don't have a brain.

How I pay my utility bill
doesn't make me unworthy

of basic human respect.

Just like what you do doesn't mean

you're not a heartless boor.

- I apologize.

I am sorry for my presumption.

I did not intend to
insult or cause offense.

You are correct.

- I don't bite.

Unless it's contracted.

- We could not afford your services.

I am sure.

As an art expert, I mean.

I shouldn't have bothered you.

Thank you.

Excuse me.

Good night.

- And here it comes.

- What the Frankie Goes to
Hollywood's gotten into you?

- I can't do this, Gabe, okay?

Not tonight.

I'm sorry.

I just,

I'll call you, okay?

Only six more months of public humiliation

before I could cash out and get out.

Only six more months of tolerating Boris.

Lloyd's promised return
couldn't come soon enough.

Now he on ground!

- Oh, Ava.

We need to talk.

- Do they have to be here?

If this is about the toilet paper,

I'll turn it the other way.

- This isn't working out between us.

There is no win-win for me
to date you, just lose-lose.

- Okay.

I--
- My construction business

is growing into development.

Very high profile.

Many politicians and I rub shoulders now.

I need to impress.

- Okay.

- And I tried to be reasonable,

but you are very selfish.

You don't even want to have baby.

Relationships supposed to be 50-50.

Yet I give you money for a loan,

you give me nothing in return.

Dating dominatrix is not impressive.

I could date a doctor or author.

Person with brain, that would impress.

- You think I'm stupid because
of what I do for a living?

What did he say?

- PG version, he say you
are not only stupid idiot,

but you are a lazy, easy whore.

- Oh, wow.

I guess that means even easy whores

won't give you a second look.

This is about Vlad.

Vlad wants you to date
his sister, doesn't he?

That bottle blonde.

- Enough talking.

Get your things, get out, we're done.

- This is really rich,
considering it was your party,

your asshole guest

and the three of you were the only reason

I became a dominatrix to begin with.

Did you post that video of me too?

I wouldn't be surprised.

- Why you think I give you massive loan?

Because I am nice?

'Cause I want to sleep with you?

It was supposed to be soft
landing out of what you're doing.

No mother of my child be sex worker.

Don't want to be mother?

Give me my money back.

- You'll get it.

In six months when Gabe
and Lloyd's deal clears,

as we agreed.

- I loaned you $500,000.

720,000 and 82 cents.

Payment due within 30 days.

- That wasn't our contract.

- Contract has changed.

- That money was my entire future.

My escape.

You'll get your damn 720.

- And 82--
- And 82 cents.

- And I'm not taking you
to Realtor gala this year.

- I bought my own ticket, asshole.

Lloyd, why aren't you picking up?

Call me back, okay?

I need my money.

- Majko

- For your nurse and the insurance, mama.

- Practice your English, majko.

- In case anything happens to me.

- I

forbid

you.

- For 20 years you're the only one

I can speak our language with.

- I'm the only one you
talk to besides the doctor.

- And the TV.

- Yelling at the news doesn't count.

What did the doctor say?

- The cancer spread.

- What we do now?

Whatever you need, mama,
I'll make it happen.

- What were you humming?

- Oh, an old love song.

My majko sang it to me when I was a girl.

My favorite.

We used to have such music in our family.

- We used to have a bigger family.

- I miss your voice, Radko.

I wish you would sing
again .

- I wish I could, mama.

Was baka an artist like your uncle?

- No, but she loved music.

She always wanted to
see the orchestra again,

but

then the war came and...

Don't let that happen to me, Radko.

Take us back to Serbia.

Let's go back home.

Read aloud mode enabled.

Nice spread, Ava.

Never thought I'd get to say that, LOL.

- Come on, come on.

- Early this morning, Lloyd Bartman

was found dead here in his townhome.

Authorities are investigating
it as a suicide,

but I was the one who found him.

And I want you to know the truth.

It was an accident.

He wasn't suicidal.

He was the love of my life.

He died because of one person,

a greedy self-serving pervert
who is tempting your husbands

and boyfriends into
doing this to themselves.

- I told him autoerotic asphyxiation

was adult supervision only.

- Ava Moriarty, this is personal.

You took my Lloyd.

I'm tearing down your empire of masochism.

- Not a bad domain name.

Empire of Masochism.
- I just published

your client list, Ava.

Your history.

- Oh, no, oh, no.

I needed my client base
until Lloyd's deal closed.

This is Gay Lord.

My wife just figured out

you are not a random biker chick.

Or the dogwalker.

Do you have a couch?

This is Gay Lord's wife.

You should be ashamed of
your horrible tramp self.

Burn in hell.

- Mrs. Evans, comma, I never had sex

with your husband, period,
or any of my clients, period.

My services are--

You are a
homewrecker and you have the boobs

of an eighth grader.

- Congrats, period.

I hear you play World Cup Soccer
with yours, exclamation point.

- What's in the bank?

What are your liquid assets?

- I put everything into buying a third

of your company, remember?

Because of Lloyd's
mysterious development deal?

- I just printed this out.

- They're empty accounts.

- Those are our company assets.

- What do you mean?

What happened to my money?

- Well, I called the bank

and apparently Lloyd

took everything out two weeks ago.

They have no idea where it is.

- When's the memorial?

- Tomorrow in Justamere.

- Father Dracula's podunk town?

- I wonder if he'll drown
us in Lake Michigan,

or if he'll break our
kneecaps first, then drown us.

- We're dying together now, are we?

How romantic.

- Isn't it?

Although if we're dying
together, and I'm being honest,

I would much prefer if
your name was Raphael

and you're 6'4 with an eight pack.

- Funny that.

I would much rather you be named Raphael

and be 6'4 with an eight pack too.

- I'm sure Boris would agree.

- Erectile dysfunction has a number

of medical causes and reasons.

- His erectile didn't function

with you because he's gay.

Focus.

This is the part where I say,

"Oh, doesn't he look like himself?"

- He looks like a roided up salt shaker.

Shh!

- Make me into a diamond
when I'm dead, okay?

- Oh, honey, you know
I don't wear diamonds.

- I heard it's blue.

- Okay, maybe then.

Lloyd should have opted to be a diamond.

I'd wear him.

Right

here.

Then in death, he finally
would have realized

his lifelong dream.

Poor Lloyd always wanted to be a stud.

- Miss Moriarty, may I have a word?

I'm Mayor Kupsik.

Perhaps we can speak in the back.

I need to contract your
services, Miss Moriarty.

Not for myself, mind you.

I don't need any misconduct accusations

with the election.

- You got a friend?

- Not exactly.

Have you met Father Markovic?

- Not the highlight of my year.

- I will hire you to get photos

of you two in a compromising
position, preferably

with some of the appliances

that you use to do what you do.

- Let me explain what it means

to be an honest, self-respecting
person, Mr. Mayor.

I'm not a whore and I'm
not an extortionist.

- Come on.

He's Episcopal.

They're allowed to make whoopee.

Wait.

- Make it good.

- Name your price.

I'm willing to pay big.

Just...

I'll give you some time to think about it.

- This is perfect.

- It's bullshit.

Unlike Lloyd, I have a little
something called a moral code,

which is why I never got
the internship I wanted

If you recall.

- Moral codes are for when
it isn't life or death

in 28 days.

- Gabe--
- No,

do you not think Boris is serious?

What about his associates
Beavis and Butthead?

Do you think they were hired
for their ironing prowess?

Come on.

- I'm not a prostitute.

I'm not a bad person.

No one is saying

you have to sleep with Dracula.

Get him drunk, get some photos,

done.

- Like I could get that close.

The man hates me.

- Okay, what's your grand plan?

- Fine, I'll stay in
town a while, blend in,

get the lay of the land and figure out

what this scheme is all about.

- You?

Much better plan.

- Holy hell.

Gabe was right.

Who the hell was at the
church at this hour?

You left me
standing there with my dick

in my hands.

- Oh, I thought that
was it's favorite place.

Real nice, smart ass.

You know that guy I wanted you to meet?

Boris Vasiliev?

- Boris Vasiliev, the Russian?

- No, Boris Vasiliev the Nigerian prince.

- You never mentioned Boris Vasiliev.

He's got big
money riding on the 30th

and he wants to purpose
a business arrangement.

He wasn't a happy camper when you ghosted

before he could meet you--

- I didn't agree to meet him, Walter

and I'm not going to.

I don't make money for anyone but myself.

- Uh, yeah, I always
came back from the gym

with enough cash for a Cadillac.

- Miss Moriarty, what are you doing here?

- Forget first impressions.

Third time's the real charm.

I was out for a walk

and I,

I thought I saw an owl in the yard.

I thought.

I could have hurt you.

If you must walk alone at night,

you should take a class.

Self-defense.

- Yes, you're right.

Sorry.

- You know, you should
consider some tuck-pointing.

Just saying.

- Miss Moriarty, are you all right?

- I'm good, all fine.

God, let there be ice in my freezer.

Why don't you tell me the reason

you want Radovan Markovic
humiliated and discredited.

- Look, Miss Moriarty.

This is why I told you to name your price.

I don't have time to tap dance

to this Sherlock Holmes routine.

My offer stands.

Now, I'm a very busy man.

Are you gonna get the pictures or not?

If not, we're done here.

- I'll consider meeting your conditions,

but you'll meet my price.

- And what's that?

- And 82 cents?

- I'll let you think on it.

Before accepting any business proposal,

due diligence requires a
certain amount of research.

And if you can't make allies,
you buy them with chocolate.

- My family has been going
to St. Michael's for years.

Ever since Father Dave.

He's long gone now, bless his soul.

- So when did Father Radovan arrive?

- 20 years ago maybe?

He was assistant pastor under Father Dave.

He went to seminary right outside town.

- You know, I saw the parking
lot on Sunday morning.

Congregation seems pretty small

to financially support the property.

- Look I'm on the board even I don't know

how Father keeps the lights on.

We need all the help we can get.

- So why don't you invite
Father Dracula to the gala

since you don't have a date anymore.

- You know about the gala?

- Lloyd and I were one of the sponsors.

- Where you going?

- Hot date in the city.

Don't wait up.

- Stop calling me that.

I'm trying to survive Isaiah.

Too late.

- Hey there, anything you
see you want, take it.

- Why the hell were
Tweedledee and Tweedledum here?

Had they followed me?

- A need for tuckpointing has
been brought to my attention.

Anyone comfortable doing that?

Kurt, you handle that.

All right.

Anyone have experience
with stone mosaic repair?

Anybody?

All right.

How about stone restoration
for St. Michael statue?

Deb, why don't you handle
the stained glass cleaning?

The ammonia is in the cellar.

- Only if you wanna destroy the paint.

- Deb, the vinegar.

- No ammonia, no vinegar.

You need neutral pH soap
and lint free cloths.

- What is your previous
experience, Miss Moriarty?

- Oh, you know.

Restoring the largest Gothic
Rose window in North America.

Are the cames oxidized?

- The what?

- The black parts that
hold the glass together.

They're lead.

You scrub that, that's
what you'll be inhaling.

- It's all yours.

- Deb?

Kurt?

Hello.

Well, that wasn't him.

And the birthdate was too
young to be dear old dad.

Whatever he was hiding,
I was going to find it.

And I wasn't going to get caught aga--

Serious respect.

He took resting dick face
to a whole new level.

- May I help you?

- I was looking for the bathroom
when I saw all your books.

I'd love to learn more about the church.

I imagine you're busy right now,

but perhaps some time we could talk.

- This is a little dry, but it is at least

what is word, concise.

- Oh,

thanks.

I've been wondering

aren't most Christian Serbians
Orthodox, not Episcopal?

- Yes.

- The bathroom is down
the hall to the left.

- Any new discoveries?

Maybe.

The guy who finally finished construction

on the church

was one of the town's big
wigs, Joseph Oberstein.

- Joseph Oberstein?

The gay guy?

- What?

- Yeah, he was an art
collector around World War II.

Fled the Nazis with his art collection.

He was closeted, but still very well known

in my community.

- Well, Oberstein died in 1955

and the church building
sold to an immigrant

from Yugoslavia named Oto Ekres.

Upon Oto's death,

it went into a trust named
Justamere Trust, of course.

And I can't seem to
find the current owner.

So what happened to
Oberstein's art after he died?

- Oberstein had over a hundred paintings

with a particular interest
in Baroque masters.

Mardee, do you have any idea
what happened to his paintings?

- Now that's the million dollar question.

Literally.

All his files were lost in the fire.

Summer 1956.

Fire might've gotten
some of the paintings.

Hard to say as that's before
they auctioned off his estate.

- Do you think I can get a
copy of the auction program?

- Let me call my aunt.

- What are you hoping to find?

- I don't know.

Hopefully something that
links the mayor to the church

and explains his motivation for extortion.

Or Radovan's gym bag of cash.

- Word on the street is that
Lloyd got her savings too.

- One for her.

- Oh, how magnanimous of you.

- Don't polish my halo.

They're on special.

- I'd let you polish
way more than my halo.

Hubert's the name,

Welcome to the joint.

How you doing, little lady?

- And here comes the creepy pickup line.

- Wait, I know you.

Ava Moriarty.

I might be interested in your

services,

- Wait for it,

wait for it.

Do you charge more for super-sized?

I got truck balls that are modeled

after real life, you know.

- If I had a dime.

My insurance prohibits
overweight health risks.

Thank you for your interest, goodnight.

- Hi, Ava.

I'm Deb, we met at the church cleaning.

- Yes I remember.
- Yeah.

- So, Kurt and I, we are
getting married in a few weeks.

- Oh, congrats.

- Yes, so that's why I
wanted to talk to you

because he is having a
bachelor party next weekend.

I know you don't know that, probably,

but please hear me out.

- Hubert.

How have you been?

- Hey Father.

- I don't believe the lady
asked for your escort home.

- Why don't you mind your own business?

- You assaulting a woman
when I could have prevented

it is my business.

- Hey, keep your Hungarian mouth shut.

Otherwise I'm gonna go tell everybody

about how you and Father
Dave were so chummy.

If you know what I mean.

- Hi, Chief.

Hubert passed out behind bar again.

No, I'll stay.

if I found gym bags full
of ill gotten gains,

I wouldn't have to woo him

with my new found knowledge of Jeremiah.

God, that dude needed Prozac.

I knew it immediately.

It was a Merisi.

A Merisi no one had seen.

Judith and Holofernes, the holy grail

of Baroque scholars around the world.

It was magnificent.

As breathtaking as his Taking of Christ,

as stunning as his Seven Works of Mercy.

He has a Merisi.

It should be at the National Gallery.

At the Vatican, even.

- How did a piece of art that
old make to to Justamere?

- Oberstein.

Art dealer fleeing the Nazis, remember?

A bunch of his art went
missing when he died.

I'm betting it wound up in the church.

Radovan hid the painting
because he knows what it's worth

and he would make millions if he sold it.

I bet he's already been
selling Oberstein's paintings

on the black market.

And that's where that
sack of cash came from.

And that's why he wanted an art appraisal.

- Son of a bitch.

- The mayor met my price.

I'm gonna bring Dracula down.

- He was at the bar tonight.

- I heard them run out
when I called for you.

Maybe it was a dream,
maybe it was a warning.

- Then maybe you should
lock the doors like

I tell you to, huh?

What do you want me to do, huh?

- The painting.

Take it from here.

Keep it safe in your church
where no one can find it.

- Uncle Oto's painting?

Why would anyone want to steal that?

Okay, if it makes you happy.

But I'm flushing these.

- It will be yours when I die.

Then you will understand.

- Can't wait.

I need to go.

- Go, have fun, get laid.

- Majko.

- It's good for heart.

Besides, you're not getting any younger.

It's good stress reliever.

- Majko.

- Bring me home good girl.

One who makes you happy.

Someone you can take care of.

You need someone to nag when I'm gone.

- Don't talk about being gone.

You'll be here forever.

- I wish I could be,

but do you know your father
and your brother wait for me.

It's you I worry about, Radko.

You've been alone too long.

It's not good for men to be alone.

- You missed a spot.

- Text Gabe.

I need you tomorrow night, semi-colon.

Bring your camera, period.

The two monochromatic ones
on the end are contemporary.

No more than 60 years old.

- How do you know?

- They're acrylic.

The first usable acrylic resin dispersion

wasn't developed until 1934.

And didn't become commercially
available until the 1950s.

This one's a steel engraving,

1880s I'd guess, probably
from a German book.

Get about 15 bucks for it on eBay.

This is a print I
recognize from the 1930s.

This one's a giclee, so post-1991.

You'd get more for the frame.

This one, late pre-Rafaelite,

likely turn-of-the-century
lithographic reproduction.

Unusual insofar as that school

rarely painted Biblical scenes,
Hunt being the exception.

- I believe I understood half of that.

- And you have no idea of the
provenance of any of them?

- The what?

- How, when, why they came to be here.

Uh-huh.

Well, I can make recommendations
for a second opinion,

but I would say they're probably worth

more as part of the church's history.

- Thank you.

You are a true genius, you know.

That was brilliant.

- You're easily impressed, Father.

Don't brush me off.

You have a gift.

Why don't you do this more?

Do this for a living.

- You think doing this
paid for grad school?

There're things you do for love, Father.

And there are things
to do for your SEP IRA.

Or because your best
was just never enough.

Sometimes life doesn't work
out the way we planned.

- No, it doesn't.

- Well, now you owe me.

Can I take you for coffee sometime?

- Perhaps. Text me sometime.

- How about now?

- I have confessions.

- Afterwards?

- Homily to write.

Miss Moriarty.

- A little birdie told
me you might be hungry.

I have walnut shrimp, kung pow chicken

and broccoli and beef.

What do you think?

I can take it back.

- No,

it all smells very good,

but uh... You know, come in.

Thank you.

Please forgive the mess.

- And this is for you.

- Oh, this is great one.

Thank you.

Oh, good timing.

I am starving.

What do you like?

I've been meaning to talk
to you about something.

- Oh, no, who did I scandalize now?

Not that.

Not all the streets are lit in town.

It might not be safe for a
woman to walk alone at night.

That's why I recommended--
- The self defense class,

I remember.

What would you suggest?

The way you laid me out on
the side of the church--

- I'm very sorry about that.

- No, you got some moves.

What would I do if someone
grabbed me like this?

Please show me.

My life is in your hands.

- Okay, okay quick I'll
show you .

Grab my wrist.

You think hitchhiking.

Pull wrist up and twist.

Enough for today.

You practice on your own.

- So how did you learn all this?

Seminary Fight Club?

- No, I learned because
of my brother, actually.

- He taught you?

- No.

He went to clubbing one
night and never came home.

I found him in alley.

He died in hospital, blunt force trauma.

I'm so sorry.

Did you find out who--
- A gang.

There was Ustashe graffiti.

They are group like Nazis.

Killed half a million Serbs in World War.

Jews, communists, gypsies too.

There are still people who
call themselves Ustashe

and there are still people who
use any excuse to hate gays.

- Is that why you're Episcopal?

Because of the church's progressive stance

on the gay community?

I'm sorry for what happened.

- My mistake, I shouldn't have told you.

- No, I mean it.

Thank you for telling
me about your brother.

- Sometimes

- Is everything okay?

.

- Yeah, you've been sitting
in that chair all day.

Here, here.

Turn this way, here.

Is that where you're sore?

How about that one?

Yeah, you got a knot right there.

Yeah?

Why don't you get on the ground

so I can get some better leverage?

Okay, I expect best Shiatsu
for what I'm paying you.

- That's exactly what you're gonna get.

- Here, take a look at
this when you get a chance.

There is a special
exhibit at an art museum

I thought you might be interested in.

- Okay, okay.

Let me up please.

Please let me up.
- Oh, I'm sorry,

did I hurt you?
- No, no, no,

- Did I do something wrong?
- You were fine.

It's getting late.

I lost track of time.

Please
- Let me clean up.

- No, no, please, please.

I will do dishes.

Thank you for coming and
thank you for dinner.

Thank you.

- Goodnight.

- Could've been good.

Of course, if there wasn't a
desk between you two and me.

- Oh, what was I supposed to do?

Oh, please, Father, let me straddle you

on this side of the desk.

At this rate, he won't
let me within three feet.

- Ava.

We need to talk.

Me being in Justamere

It's not helping us save the business.

We're just wasting time.

- But

I need you.

I always need you.

- You're a big girl.

You'll be fine.

Okay?

You just, you stay here.

You keep working your angles.

I'm gonna go back to the
city and keep working mine.

Now, I've been tracing Lloyd's money

and I think I'm getting really close.

Hey,

we're gonna be okay.

Promise you.

- Hey.

Here's the deposit.

You came at the perfect time.

Father Radovan is here about the ceremony.

- So he knows about...

- I know about what?

- I came over to help.

- Yes, with the favors.

- Wonderful.

Then I can go.

- Oh, no you don't.

- Oh, come on.
- Let's go.

- So Gabe told me that Hubert followed me

out of the bar that night.

- What night?

- You stopped him, didn't you?

- Hubert was drunk.

He collapsed on--
- You stopped him, didn't you?

- If you'll let me finish.

Hubert was drinking too
much and he hit his head--

- Wrong answer, Hans, try again.

You forget, Father Markovic,
I know all of your secrets.

- Speaking of secrets,

you never let me return the favor.

You grilling me on my personal history.

- Hold on.

I did not grill.

- Lightly fried.

- What do you wanna know?

- When you,

do you,

I've never met anyone with your business,

So I don't,

- You wanna ask me about
being a dominatrix?

Go ahead.

I make sure it's safe.

It's legal.
- Legal?

You're not

Amsterdam?

No.

No, I am not Amsterdam or Vegas.

I have to admit plenty of people assume

that I have sex for money

and accuse me of having sex for money.

But no one has ever before
compared me to a city.

Truth be told, in my life

I've only ever had three
romantic partners, shall we say.

What?

- I have more experience than dominatrix.

That's funny.

Are you with anyone now?

is there somebody special for you?

- You, buddy.

Laser focus.

No, there was a guy I met years ago

and dated recently, briefly, for a bit,

but he's no good.

And I guess I just
turned a blind eye to it.

You know, you owe me an answer.

Art museum exhibit?

- That sounds very nice

and I appreciate the invite, truly I do,

but I am very busy at
the parish this week.

- Next week then.

- Miss Moriarty--
- I'll call you Radovan

If you call me Ava.

- That is what they mean, Ava.

As priest, I have to be very careful

about what I do and how I am seen.

- You know, a very
interesting man once told me,

what was it?

Perhaps you shouldn't let the opinions

of others dictate what you do.

That night, I rented a car
and followed him out of town.

If he was selling Oberstein's
art on the black market,

I'd catch him red handed.

- Hey, Serb.

I heard you won't fight
for Boris Vasiliev.

You shouldn't have come back.

- Get in the car! Move!

- Hey.

- What are you doing here?

Did you follow me?

- What?

No, what do you think I am?

Crazy?

What are you doing here?

- Church insurance premium.

- That's how you make money, you fight?

- He clipped my temple,
can you see anything?

- Little late to be worrying
about your modeling career.

- I'm serious.

What do you think?

I don't want to lie

to church board members.

- I'm betting on a black eye by morning.

Let me take you to my place.

I got a killer concealer.

- No,

no, it's okay.

I'll say I tripped in shower.

- You're a sucky liar.

They'll think you had a session

with the new dominatrix in town.

- You think so, for real?

Don't laugh, I'm serious.

- So tell me what you're
doing with my concealer.

- Apply with fingers in layers.

- And if it's still purple?

- Use yellow corrector.

I'm so proud

- Interesting ink.

What's it mean?

- That was a

mistake.

- Well, I knew what my next
Google search would be.

Are you okay?

- Are you still going to that
art exhibit you mentioned?

This is Tesla, yes?

- Model S 70D
- Beautiful.

Nikola Tesla was Serbian, you know?

- I know.

You're into cars?

- Miss Moriarty, last time I checked,

I am still a man.

- Well, this bad boy goes
zero to 60 in five seconds flat.

- You call it "him"?

Isn't it always "her"?

- Not when I'm doing the riding.

- What's his name?

- I'm not one of those crazy
people who names my car.

- Oh, crazy people like me?

- Oh, I could just guess
what you named your car.

- What?

- Wilma.
- Wilma?

- It looks like a Wilma.

Do not tell me it doesn't
look like a Wilma,

- Do not insult Gertrude.

- Good job, this one's
harder than it looks.

Right?

Matching tone and value is killing me.

- Is Plummer your prof?

He loves this one.

- Totally.

Are you a student too?

- No, I graduated a while back.

- I'm Lana.

- Ava.

- Not Ava Moriarty.

- Yeah.

- Oh my God.

Plummer has not stopped talking about you.

I can't believe I
actually get to meet you.

Were you really only, like, 20
when you got your masters?

- One year older than Jordan Gronendyke.

Don't be too impressed,

that was a while ago.

- Nothing impresses
Plummer and you sure did.

What are you up to now?

- Oh, just starring as the poster child

for unequivocal failure.

- Miss Moriarty is helping
St. Michael's Episcopal.

She is appraising our
historic art collection

and it's provenance.

You got your master's at age 20?

That's incredible.

- Yeah, that and three bucks
and I could ride the bus too.

Thanks for saving me back there.

- You didn't need saving.

I just told the truth.

Don't dismiss your
accomplishments, Moriarty.

- I never finished my doctorate.

- So?

There's a concert of
love songs next month.

My mother would love that.

- Not you?

- I like her favorite one,
"Masterpiece" something,

I think.

- Wanna see the theater?

Come on.

I think I know your mom's favorite song.

It's one of my favorites too.

- Excuse me.

You can't be in here.

The hall is closed.

- No one had ever looked
at me that way before

and I wish he always could.

W-T-F Lloyd.

My money was tied up in this?

Who paid this much to live in cornfields?

The church!

Radovan!

- No, no, Majko!

Majko, no!

No!

No!

I need help!

Help me hold her!

She's lost her mind!

- My painting!

My painting is in there!

- I'll get it!
- No!

Ava, you can't go in there, no!

- I have to get the painting!

- It's nothing, it's
worthless, let it burn!

- Let me go!

- Ava, her uncle painted
it, it's worthless.

Let it burn!

- He didn't know.

- Majko, breathe.

I need help!

Majko!

Ava!

- You cannot go in there!

You cannot go in there!

- You have to go in there!
- You cannot--

- Trapped!

- You crazy woman!

You want to be a hero so bad!

You could have killed yourself!

- I just saved one

of the world's greatest lost masterpieces.

- What the hell are you talking about?

It is an ugly painting by my uncle.

- This is a Merisi!

You don't even know who
the hell that is, do you?

- I don't care.

It's a piece of canvas with paint on it.

- What's wrong with you?

That is a priceless work of art worth

more than 30 of your churches.

- It is not worth your life.

- Who the hell do you think you are?

- I decide that.

Not you.

You don't know the first thing about me.

I'm a worthless piece of
shit for all you know.

- I don't know about that,

but I know you are a stupid idiot.

- You think I'm lazy and easy too?

- I don't know what to think anymore.

You throw your life away to be dominatrix.

You throw your life away for a painting.

- You threw your life away to
become a judgmental hypocrite.

Getting your skull bashed in

so you can keep spinning fairy
tales to an empty church.

- You know what?

You're right, I am a stupid idiot.

This, us, was a stupid idea.

- You're no different from any of them.

It doesn't matter what I do or say.

You think I'm a whore.

- I think you're insane.

- Bite me.

- Oh, classy act,
Moriarty, really class act.

- For a moment, I'd felt like a hero.

I thought this failure
could redeem herself

in everyone's eyes.

In his eyes.

In my own eyes.

I was stupid.

You've reached Ava Moriarty.

I'm not available right now.

The flowers were a surprise,
as was the hospital bill.

And I'd almost forgotten the
bachelor party was tonight.

- Hello, Ava.

- Hey,

- Where's the money?

- Boris gave me a month.

- Boris changed his mind.

He needs the money for
tomorrow's tournament.

See, your boy won't work for
him even when we ask nice.

And you were no help.

- Look, guys,

you gotta talk to him.

Come on, you hurt me,
he doesn't get anything.

Nobody wins.

- You like Vegas?

I like Vegas.

Roulette's my game.

I might have to take a
early trip this year.

I might have to go stay at
82 Sunrise Lane, Henderson.

- Look, Viktor.

Don't bring my mom into this.

This is on me and I'm not the enemy.

You know me.

- Oh, I do.

So go find another
sugar daddy and put out.

- Thanks for being flexible.

Go suck yourself.

- Let me make this painfully clear.

You have 24 hours to pay up.

- You run.

- We go sun bathe with mommy.

- Freaking firebug!

Firebug.

The church fire.

Boris's revenge on Radovan.

Ding, ding, ding.

Dracula was right.

I was stupid

with a history of stupid.

- Fire has ravaged a church

in Justamere Town, south of Chicago.

But is St. Michael's Episcopal
merely the latest casualty?

The property is part

of the hotly contested
expansion of Route 27,

leading some just speculate
that last night's fire

was merely the latest
act of arson designed

to force owners to move.

In other news, sources say law enforcement

is closing in on an
underground gambling operation

with mob ties.

We investigate at 10.

- I heard you were at the fire last night.

I'm glad I wasn't.

I'm guessing it's all over now.

- What is?

- The church was barely staying
above water financially.

And now with all the fire damage,

you know, there's not enough money

to even pay the rent.

- Rent?

The church pays rent?

- The building's owned by
Justamere Trust or something.

Radovan's handling all of that.

They've gone easy on us,

not even charging us for years.

But any businessman with
half a brain will sell out

to the highway now.

- The highway extension.

- Rad doesn't like talking about it.

But the mayor has based

his entire re-election campaign on it.

- Why?

What does it mean for Justamere?

Well, lots of new developments,

where there's just cornfields.

The mayor's townhouses would finally sell,

but St. Michael's is right
where an on-ramp would be.

- I've been asking the wrong questions

about the wrong century.

Lloyd's development deal
would make us a fortune.

Like him though, I
wouldn't live to see it.

That's what
I'm talking about, baby.

- A little birdie told me there
was a bachelor at the party.

- Oh, yeah.

- Come on, Kurt.

- It ain't a real show
until we see some boobs.

- Come on, sit down.

- Maybe it was the stress
of losing a half million.

Maybe it was watching the smoldering ashes

of my life and deciding to burn the bridge

for shits and giggles.

Or maybe it was latex giving
me the world's worst wedgie

where I just had glass picked out.

I was done.

- I got your "Fifty Shades"
right here for you, baby.

- Get off the pier, take the chair.

I've had more
excitement at a baby shower.

- Hey!

Shut the hell up!

You're ruining the show!

- Why don't you come up here and join me.

Do it, do it

Do it, do it, do it, do it

Okay, baby.

Things are about to get interesting.

- We're gonna do a
different type of show now,

a little roleplaying.

- Yeah.

- Only, you get to be
yourself, an asshole.

And I get to be myself, a dick.

Do you know what that means?

Let me go.

- Insulting women will
not solve your insecurity.

Objectifying us doesn't cure micropenis.

- Help, she's crazy.

- That's not your safe word.

But you sure got a purty mouth, boy.

I bet you can squeal like a pig.

The face of the world
is changing, dickshiner.

And it doesn't look like you.

I can't swim, I can't swim!

To hell with this shit.

What could I do with only
one day left to live?

What could I do in a day
with nothing left to lose?

Morning.

- We have new visitor.

Happy Sunday.

- Still having church?

- Jesus said, "Where two
or more gather in my name,

"there am I with them."

- Book of Matthew.

That's right.

Okay, homily over.

- No, I'm sure you wrote a good one

and I would love to hear it.

- Well, I wrote the first one

about Ecclesiastes 3,

about change.

Especially as I realize I
stayed priest for wrong reasons.

I think it's time for a change.

Shortest mass ever, I get prize.

- So, let's hear the second one.

- Well, that was about forgiveness.

Asking for forgiveness.

- Oh.

- Of God, first of all,
but that's easy to do.

God is father, God is perfect.

.

God does not drop his cell phone.

But it's harder to
apologize to other people.

Sometimes we have good motives,

but we do or say the wrong things.

Sometimes there are things
we wish we could take back.

For example, I wish I could
take back how I hurt you.

And I'm sorry for how I attacked you.

- You were right.

It's only someone really messed up

who thinks that a painting
is worth more than her life.

- I should have shown
compassion, not judgment.

Are you okay?

- No.

- Excuse me, Father.

Can I get confession?

- Of course, John.

Follow me.

The confessional is still intact.

Thank you.

- Friday night, you said
I threw my life away

to become what I am.

- I misspoke, I--
- Mistress Maneater

is not how I pictured my life.

My PhD dissertation
was gonna be on Merisi.

- Merisi?

Same painter as--
- Yep

Brilliant artist.

Killed a man, died young in exile.

- What happened to you?

- There was this internship

that 300 of us wanted.

The department head, Solomon,

said I wouldn't beat out the top 10.

I wasn't,

I wasn't enough.

- Was that true?

- I don't know.

I thought,

I thought I could trust him.

He promised to recommend
me for the position

if I went to this costume party with him.

He said he needed to impress

the host, some big donor from Russia.

- What happened?

- Solomon got me alone at the party.

- I told him no.

- I'm so sorry.

- I'm not the one to feel sorry for.

Viktor thinks he's into BDSM,

but that would require consent.

I was terrified of saying no again.

So I became his puppet.

The host, my future ex,

came in and stopped it.

But it was too late.

Someone posted a video of it online.

When that went viral, people
came out of the woodwork

to get punished by Mistress Maneater.

Big people who paid a lot of money.

What about Solomon?

- He disappeared that night.

He was alive when I left,

but

my ex killed him.

All these years, I wouldn't believe it.

A decade later he calls me
up and I go out with him.

Stupid.

- I'm glad he didn't
kill you with Solomon.

- You know, at the time,

I wished I was dead.

I was a suspect in the disappearance.

I got expelled from the PhD program.

Any school or employer Googles my name,

there's that video forever.

My ex called me a stupid idiot,

and lazy, and easy and a whore.

And I've heard it so much and for so long,

I think I started to believe it.

- I was no better.

- You didn't know.

- when you rushed into that fire,

- You cannot go in there.

When you
rushed into that fire,

and I couldn't stop you,

I thought I'd never see you again.

Ava!

I'd built walls.

I'd built walls no one could penetrate.

But

without me even knowing when or how,

you walked right through them.

You make me vulnerable again.

I was terrified I'd lost you.

Somebody that common sense dictated

I could never be with.

Even if you made it, I'd still lose you.

The only answer was to shove you away.

I just, I feel so much
when I'm with you, Ava.

I don't know what to do
with what's between us.

You make me feel

understood.

Not so alone

behind my walls,

because you care.

- You don't know the whole story.

That's just what I wanted you to think.

- I don't think, I know.

- No.

Because of my ex, because
of money I owe him,

a lot of money,

I agreed to do something horrible.

So he wouldn't hurt me.

And now I can't go through with it.

- That's wonderful.

You chose the right path
because you are a good person.

- You don't know me.

- I know you are most
incredible woman I've ever met.

You are light in a dark place, Ava.

You are not an object,

you are genius.

- Ava?

- When were you going to
tell me the real reason

you hired me?

- I didn't hire you

to be a private
investigator, Miss Moriarty.

I hired you to do what you do best.

And I believe you
exhibited that last night.

- Disciplining chauvinist assholes?

Yeah, I'm good at that.

When were you going to tell me

about your arsonists burning property

throughout the entire county?

- Are you an arson investigator?

A fire marshal?

No, you're a stripper, right?

- You had St. Michael's torched.

- Those are groundless accusations

and you don't know what
you're talking about.

This town needs that
highway and new development.

- Oh, it needs a mayor
who'll extort innocent men?

Save me the stump speech.

I don't want your money.

I'm out.

Everyone loses
everything sooner or later.

So what did it mean to truly live?

To truly win?

Being happy.

Tonight, I would be happy.

- May I have this dance?

- Check out my asshole ex.

Radovan?

What the--

- Your ex boyfriend is Boris Vasiliev?

- Yeah,

so?

Please don't tell me
you owe him money too.

- No, no, I don't owe him money.

- Is this about the guys who
beat you up on Wednesday?

- No.

Yes, you don't wanna know.

- Is this about the fake
passport in your name?

Well, he's called my loan due tonight.

So I'm going to enjoy a high
calorie, high octane cocktail

and a very nice last supper.

Unless you got 700K sitting around.

That's okay.

That's not why I fell for
you, Radovan Markovic.

You were my light in a dark place too.

- Ava.

Radovan Markovic is dead.

He died 20 years ago

in the war.

I killed him.

War in Bosnia had already begun.

The day I graduated secondary school,

I joined my friends in militia.

I don't even know why.

Be some hero,

to avenge my brother's murder,

be some patriot.

An eye for an eye.

I was a boy.

I was a stupid boy.

Boris Vasiliev was with paramilitary too.

The White Wolves, Russians.

My unit was Chetnik.

Markovic, he looked
like me and my brother.

Same coloring, same build.

And when I told him about Milos' murder,

he said,

"Now I will be your brother."

And then Srebrenica happened.

It was chaos.

It was a sea of blood.

There was a Bosniak mother.

She was pregnant.

Markovic cornered her and...

I arrived too late.

There was a little girl,

she was six or seven years old.

She sat there screaming
over her mother's body.

I tried to drag Markovic away,

I tried to stop him

but he had ten kilos on me, easy.

I knew what he did to other little girls.

He grabbed her hair in his hand like this

and she saw me from behind him

and she started screaming at me.

Pomozi mi!

Over, and over and over again.

Pomozi mi, pomozi mi.

Help me.

The next thing I knew,
she was covered in blood.

But she wasn't hurt.

There was a knife in my hand
and Markovic was at my feet,

his head almost off from his body.

I grabbed his gun, his three
clips of ammo, and his passport

and I became him.

And I ran.

This is what I am.

This is what I am, Ava.

You confess to me, you
tell me you have secrets,

but I have blood on my hands
that no penance can cleanse.

You don't want me, Ava.

You don't want me.

I'm gonna burn in hell.

- Then I'll be there waiting for you.

Shit!
- Hey

- May I have your attention please?

The final development phase

of the Vasiliev endeavor is complete.

Within a week, we will have
secured the last titles

to the holdout properties
in my town of Justamere.

Eye sores like this will
soon be a thing of the past.

Due in no small part to this week's merger

of Vasiliev Industries
and the Chicago firm

of Bartman/Amador Real
Estate Investments.

In five years, we project
new residential sales

to top $200 million.

Ladies and gentlemen, the
future of the far south suburbs.

Thank you very much.

- Ashley?

- Hey, Father, did you catch my speech?

No, I guess you got other
things on your mind.

Oh, look at that.

That's gonna be viral tomorrow morning.

Oh, don't bother.

They've already been
sent to the church board.

Not ideal lighting,

but that's why I hired a professional,

her.

- He hired you?

To seduce me?

- No, no, I couldn't go through with it.

That's the horrible thing
I told you I couldn't do.

- Oh, but you followed through anyway.

- I told him the deal was off

when I found out he had
Boris burn the church.

- Oh, they're serving tenderloin.

Excuse me.

- You still will not get the church.

- If you think that board will defend you

after they get a load of you

and a dominatrix rutting like prom kids.

You're delusional, boy.

- She broke off the deal, I heard it.

- What are you gonna do?

Hit me?

Drive me into the ground like you did

that sorry excuse of a church?

If he does,

get photos.

You haven't paid rent in months.

You don't even have a pot to piss in.

Why do you think I came
to your little town

in the middle of nowhere, huh?

My Great Uncle Oto left
church to Justamere Trust.

I am sole beneficiary.

And I'm not selling.

- Where the hell did Boris go?

- I don't answer to you.

- Where is he?

- Dead woman walking.

- That's right.

I got nothing to lose.

Gabe?

This is what you were so busy with?

You stole my best riding crop.

- Borrowed.

- What the fu--

- Erectile dysfunction, my ass!

- Radko Jovanovic.

Risen from mass grave.

- How much does she owe you?

- Her?

720,000

and 82 cents.

- If I fight for you, score is settled.

Debt is forgiven.

She owes nothing.
- What?

- One match, that's it.

Just like you wanted for tournament.

- The tournament is tonight.

You go in ring tonight.

- After that, you will let us be.

No threats, no retribution.

I will win fight for you
tonight and tonight only.

- You are not going to win for me.

You are going to throw the fight.

- Excuse me, please.

I'm number 847.

The cobalt fur stole.

You know, cobalt, blue?

A little darker than azure.

Looks much more natural.

Two very different colors.

I can't stand it when you
order from the catalog

and they call the colors the wrong name.

Thank you, sweetheart.

- Shit.

You know, plenty of women
find out their best friend

is screwing their ex, but
this was not a scenario

I predicted for us, Gabriel.

- Oh, like you're a paragon of virtue!

You put semicolons in your texts.

Who does that?

A sociopath, that's who.

- You would know.

- Hello, Agent Washington

of the FBI.

Keep your eyes on the road.

No, I'm here.

Yeah, yes, I'm with her.

We are trailing Vasiliev's
car heading north

towards the fight location.

No, we're not close
enough to see the plates.

Can you...

Okay, no, hold on, I can get the plate.

It's P

U

T

N

space L

V R.

You've gotta be kidding me.

I'll be outside to flag you down.

- Radovan!

He's down!

Call the fight!

He's down!

Radovan!

You have to stay down.

It's nice but
he's still breathing.

I want him dead.

I want to finish this.

Finish this.

- Feds!

It's a raid!

- No one can hear you, Ava.

They never have.

Ow!

It's a raid!

If I can't have him,
you sure as hell can't.

- I should have killed you with Solomon.

You are nothing but foolish, stupid bitch.

- I am not stupid.

I am not an object.

I am a genius.

Radovan.

Radovan.

Stay with me.

Stay with me.

Radovan.

Stay where you are.

Stay with me.

Stay with me.

Help's coming.

- Mama, what is going on?

What is this?

- Radko, We need to talk.

I lied to you about the insurance price.

It wasn't that high.

But don't worry.

I had Kurt invest in good Serbian stock.

- Majko, where are you going?

What are you doing?

- You have done right by
your majko for many years.

Now I do right by you.

I'm cutting the apron strings.

- What?

- I'm going home to Belgrade.

I want to be home when I die.

- Then I am coming with you.

- No, Radko.

You can't and I wouldn't want you to.

This land is your home now.

Stay and live.

There's a special woman here for you.

The brave one I met, yes?

- It's complicated, majko.

She made it complicated.

- You're a strong man.

I raised you to be one.

Life is short, make it uncomplicated.

- The painting is yours now.

Do with it as you wish.

- Mama, I can't accept it.

It's priceless.

- And it can be yours now
because you know it's true value.

Now go get laid.

I want grandbabies.

I'll haunt you till I get them.

I want you to have this.

I has belonged to my family for a century.

I want you to take it, write your thesis

and make all of your dreams come true.

Love, R.

P.S. You are so much more than enough.

You always have been.

Please leave a message.

- I just found it.

It's the greatest gift
anyone's ever given me.

No, that's not true.

It's the greatest gift anyone's given me

that price tag could be put on.

I'm so sorry for what I did.

For the position I put you in.

I'm sorry for everything.

I had no idea how I would
come to feel for you.

I wish I could fix it all,

I wish I could set it right.

Hi.

- Hi.

- I thought I'd never see you again--

- You owe me a dance.

So, you didn't really throw the catsuit

in the lake, did you?

- Why?

Did you like it?

- Last time I checked, I'm still a man.

- Sounds like somebody
has a kink to work out.

77C take one.

Take two.

Take three.

- What is that?

- Yes.

- I saw all your books

and I messed up my line.

That is a priceless work of art worth

more than 30 of your churches.

I don't know
what my line is, I'm sorry.

- She's crazy.

- Moral codes are for when it isn't life

or death in 28 days.

- Gabe...

- Do you not think Gabe is serious?

'Cause Gabe is serious.

Gabe will be serious

- Actually if I could have the
card back, yes, it'd be great.

Okay, cut.