All language subtitles for Will & Grace T3 E02

What's going on?

Better be a fire with really cute
firemen.

I'm Will, by the way. The punko.

And why wouldn't you be?

We'll go check it out.

Jack, you may want to grab something
heavy.

I am so freaked out.

I cannot believe someone was trying to
break into my apartment.

There's probably someone roaming the
hallway with my picture in one hand and

axe in the other.

Oh, thank you.

That feels nice.

Who are you?

The panko.

Like the candy treat?

And don't worry, Jack has a black belt
in taekwondo.

The Navy SEALs, they train him for this
sort of thing.

So you two are pretty close, huh?

As close as two men can get in 11
minutes.

Somebody was definitely trying to get
in. The door jam was messed with.

Yeah, but the ball cock is okay.

Check the toilet.

I didn't. I just like saying it.

All right, well, there's nothing we can
do tonight, so you want to stay here?

No.

No, I'm not going to be chased out of my
own apartment.

Then I'll have won.

I'm going to be strong.

Will you sleep over with me tonight?

Please. Please, please, please, please.
Why do I only get these offers from

women?

Thank you. Who's my hero?

Who's my big strong man? I don't know,
but I'll stay over till he shows up.

Will?

Are you asleep?

Are you kidding?

The mouth breathing and the wheezing and
the sinuses is like sleeping with a

flea stack.

This breathe -easy strip doesn't work.

Ow! Ow!

Cut! Can we talk about your toenails?

Sorry, I'll cut them.

Don't you need them for tree climbing
and warding off predators?

It's nothing. We're fine.

Did I just scream like a woman?

Don't flatter yourself. You scream like
a girl.

Well, if there had been someone out
there, what would we have done?

I don't know. Grate some cheese with
your toenails and invite them in for

quiche?

Or the fence, anyway. I think this way
we'll get some peace and quiet.

Biggly, biggly, biggly, biggly, biggly,
biggly, bog!

I went down!

Every time!

What are you doing?

Playing biggly bog.

Biggly what?

Bog.

It's like taggly dip, but with dice.

Look, Grace can't sleep over there, so
we're going to stay here. Why is Mopanko

wearing my kimono?

Blanche, I think the bigger question is
why do you have a kimono?

How many times have I told you to keep
your animals in your room, Dr. Do

-Nothing?

Keep it down. You'll wake up Poppy.

Who's Poppy?

Mapanko's Poppy, Will. He showed up here
in tears.

we close the mouth.

imagine if whoever it was had actually
gotten in?

He probably would have made me rub
lotion all over myself so he could make

prairie skirt out of my skin.

Carolyn, I have never been more
terrified in my entire life.

Oh, honey.

Stan bought me a seven -carat ruby on
our trip to Paris last year.

What does that have to do with the break
-in?

just swapping stories.

Geez, Louise.

Didn't realize it was all about Grace
Day. Oh, there it is.

Miss Karen, they were out of Grey Goose,
so I got you extra stoli.

What's going on here? This doesn't
concern you. I'm turning the fridge into

mini bar.

Is that what you bring me, Roseola?

Oh, all your boys are here.

Johnny Walker, Jim Beam, Jose Cuervo,
and the two Glenns, Libet and Fiddich.

I think I want to give the boys a
shimmy. Woo!

Oh, yeah!

Karen,

Karen.

No. No, no, no, no, no, no. This is not
a hotel. We work here. You cannot have a

minibar. Where should I put the giant
Kit Kats? Stick them in the minibar.

I've had it, Grace.

If you leave the toilet seat down one...
One more time.

Are you two still fighting?

What is she doing here?

It's 9 .45. Shouldn't she be at lunch?

What is she doing here?

Shouldn't she be at the West Side Y
bobbing for boyfriends?

Why are you still doing this? I did her
a favor by marrying her maid. And what

do I get in return?

Nothing.

She is dead to me.

I am having the hardest time just
feeling safe in my own home.

Why? What happened?

What are you doing?

It's Behind the Music with Mariah Carey.

I am right in the middle of Rumpole of
the Bailey. Don't just grab the remote.

pretends not to hate Whitney.

Give me that.

We are going to watch Rumpel of the
Bailey.

Out of my way.

Out of my way. The reattention of a
woman's scalp on the learning channel.

it on.

Sorry, Grace. Will's watching bunghole
up my main leg.

It is Rumpel of the Bailey, and seeing
as I have the remote, that's what we're

watching.

Grace, you've seen this thing like five
times. I know, but it's hard to watch

the whole thing. Each time I watch, I
feel it.

are watching this. Mariah.

Rumpel. Oh!

No! No! Don't! Just leave it alone! Just
cut it out already! I told... I...

Wait. What happened?

Why is it on Highway to Heaven?

You broke it. Now it's stuck on PAX TV.

No!

Shit! Get out here, both of you. Come
on. I can't sleep.

You've eaten all my food. There's so
much hair at the bottom of the bathtub.

swear it's about to ask me if I want a
falafel.

I'm afraid one of you is going to have
to go.

Well, I can't leave my apartment
apartment.

Cassidy! Cody! Enough!

I know, I know. You're scared of your
apartment and you're a homo without a

home. I know.

They're very good arguments and trust
me, this is not a decision I'm eager to

make. So... So you make it.

Come what?

You decide who's going to stay and who's
going to go. I'll be back in an hour.

blooded American man goes when he needs
to blow off steam.

The sweater department at Bergdorf.

Scissors. Scissors.

Scissors. Stop doing that. It doesn't
work if you do the same thing. Then stop

doing scissors.

You stop.

Let's just be fair.

Let's be reasonable.

I'm thinking of a number between one and
ten.

You have no respect for me. I'm not
going to play that stupid game. Just

number. Five.

This place doesn't smell like bologna
and mulch.

You're nothing but a leech, McFarlane.
You just glom onto someone like Karen or

Will, and you leech and you mooch and
you leech and you mooch and you leech.

Beardy cat.

Parasite. Overbite.

Underdeveloped cat.

Here you go.

I'm here to pick up Stanley Walker's
suit.

Karen, it's me.

Your sales guy will be back in just a
minute.

How you doing?

All right, just doing a little shopping
while Grace and Jack figure out... Do

not say that name to me.

He is dead to me.

And that one goes to the bottom of the
pot.

I can't believe you're still mad at him.
I clothed and fed that man for a year,

and he tried to fleece me.

He didn't even have the decency to put
me into an insulin -induced coma first.

surprised that Jack McFarlane took
advantage of you?

I mean, that's like being surprised when
the counter help at a yogurt shop seems

sad for no reason.

This is Jack we're talking about.

Go on, salesperson.

Jack is like a puppy.

You don't stop loving him because he
piddles on the carpet. You just roll up

newspaper and hit him on the snooze.

He does have that sweet puppy breath.

We both know how much he loves chasing
that tail.

Here you go.

Thanks.

I'm really glad we worked things out,
Grace. Yeah, me too.

Sorry I bitch slapped you.

Hi. Hi.

So guess what?

We've come to a decision.

Well, good. I figured if I just got out
of your way, you'd do the right thing.

So what'd you decide?

I'm in, Red's out.

Well, okay.

That's good. That's fine. You're okay
with this? Yeah, I'm gonna have my Aunt

Pesha come over and get rid of the evil
spirits.

Then, of course, the problem becomes
getting rid of my Aunt Pesha. And if

doesn't work, then I'll just find
another place to live. I mean, we really

talked about it, and he really does need
this more than I do.

Plus, you lost three straight rounds of
thumb wrestling. Okay, not necessarily.

So, I'm going to get going.

Yeah.

Hey, Will, you know, run out and get me
some bee pollen extract for my tea.

Yeah, it's a little dullsville.

Hold that thought.

I just want to try a little experiment.
You sit there with that,

and you come here.

Yes, much better.

I did. I just didn't think you'd make
the wrong choice.

May I remind you that I'm your one
remaining link to the gay world?

Jack, I love you. I'm sorry, but for the
sake of our friendship, I can't live

with you.

So you're shutting me out?

Is that what...

Yeah, that tastes good, yeah.

All right, fine, you know what? If you
need me, I'll be out on the street

sleeping in a hat, tissue boxes for
shoes, selling figurines of kittens made

from scraps of metal and old soup.

Hey, Eponine.

What I had in mind was you sublet
Grace's apartment.

Or technically, your mom and I sublet
Grace's apartment.

What do you think?

Works for me.

Yeah, you'd like that, I'm sure, yeah,
right? Yeah.

There's nine months left on my lease.

Wouldn't you like it? Yeah.

Okay, great.

Oh, my God. I have my own apartment.

All it needs is a little gay spray and a
half dozen torso sculptures and I'm

home.

living together again.

Yes, we are.

Are you sure about this?

Sweetie, I have never been less sure
about anything in my life.

Oh, thank God, me too.

Because I haven't forgiven you.

Interesting, because I haven't forgiven
you.

So what's your point?

Oh, all right, I'm sorry.

There, we're done. Come on, let's go get
French chips.

Karen, I am not a light switch that you
can just apologize to and expect me to

forgive you.

My emotions are much more complex than
that. I need time to heal. I don't

accept.

here. The only other person I've ever
apologized to was my mother, and that

court -ordered.

So please accept my apology in the
spirit in which it was intended, or I'll

you in the gentle.

No.

Now be gone before someone drops a house
on you.

Hey, up yours, Dorothy.

May you tan and prickle.

Don't mind me. I'm just grabbing my
toothbrush in a balance bar.

want to know something else that's not
funny?

You know, yesterday she slept on some
bacon grease in the kitchen and she

the countertop by this much.

She could have lost an eye.

Honey, last night, Olivia shoved Butler
down the service stairwell.