All language subtitles for Revolutionary sex USAC

Howdy.

In, uh, in town for the bicentennial,
are you?

Yeah. Everybody thinks they, uh, know
their history.

But not as well as I do.

I was there in, uh, 76.

Yeah.

1776.

Yeah. Don't believe me, do you?

Yeah.

I sure was.

And who the best of them?

Washington.

Jefferson.

Franklin.

Rubio.

I saw America get born.

You know, I could tell you a thing or
two about the revolution.

Huh?

Come with me.

Look at that ocean out there.

Them pretty boats.

If I look at them much longer, I'm going
to throw up all over myself.

Never could stand the ocean.

Oh, God, my feet are killing me.

History books only give you half of it.

Washington, Jefferson, all of them great
men.

I knew them all.

Yeah.

We had some great times.

Right here in New England.

Yeah.

Look here and listen.

I'll tell you what really happened.

I can tell you all about real Spirit of
76.

Martha, come here. I must talk to you.

Well, General Washington.

It was a wonder to see you walking after
last night.

Oh, it was nice, was it not?

But a new day has dawned. Look, we have
a wee bit of time before I engage the

British. How about a little, uh...
George, I have... I have no bloody time

roll in the hay.

The chickens must be fed.

The cows must be milked.

And I have to make tea for the quilting
bee.

And I have a twitch that must be itched.

We're not going to squabble, are we?

Well... Okay, fine. It's settled then.

Over by the cherry tree in the orchard.
Five minutes.

Which cherry tree?

I'm glad you asked me that.

Beyond the spacious skies, right at the
amber waves of grain, east of the purple

mountain's majesty, and right at the
fruited plains. You can't miss it.

The warts would be better run where it
fought in bed.

George? Oh, yes.

Martha, Martha, look.

I've made the cover of Time magazine. A
bit of a celebrity I am, huh?

Yes.

Look,

George. I've only got a few moments to
waste on this foolishness.

Let's get on with that twitch of yours,
huh?

Okay.

Just this time to see to the needs of
our country, huh?

Yes.

What'd I tell you?

Yeah, old George was a hell of a guy.

Well, come on.

There's some other people I want you to
meet.

Paul Revere.

Now, there's a nutcase for you, riding
through the city, waking everybody and

his brother up.

He was a hell of a guy, though.

Look at that statue they gave him. It's
pretty nice, huh?

It's a shame it's got 200 years of
pigeon shit all over it. He used to love

drink and fuck around.

Why, there's a guy who loved his women.

Any time, any place.

He had a signal which he hung in the
north church back there to tell his

girlfriend where to meet him.

One if by land and two if by sea.

You might think that was a warning about
the British.

Bullshit. It was a signal for his
girlfriend to meet him in the woods or

harbor.

Oh, poor Revere. You ain't no gentleman.
You ain't always trying to play with me

buns, you are.

Yes, because you have such lovely balls.

tell so much outside, Miss Kirk, can
you?

No, but I'm a connoisseur and I know
good buns when I see them, be they under

wraps or not. Oh, what a lovely wood.

It is pretty, isn't it? But not half as
pretty as you.

Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Oh, walk over me so they might catch a
quick glimpse of your ass.

Oh, that was good, that was.

I should say so.

I think I've got some twigs in me
britches.

Let's go over to my place and finish it
off.

I'd love to finish it off with you.

It's right over the next hill.

Over the rival?

Washington should see us now. He's
probably out playing catch the redcoat,

buffoon.

Oh, I don't know. I think it's rather
nice.

But his wooden teeth did give me
splinters.

Splinters? I'll have to be careful.

Oh, fear not.

I will accommodate thee well.

Let us tarry no longer. The evening
grows short.

And that fool John Hancock's coming over
for a late dinner.

Oh, you wouldn't enjoy John. The only
thing big about him is his signature.

Oh, you're just jealous.

Not on your life. I'm a bigger man than
any of those revolutionaries.

We'll see about that.

hmm hmm

Ooh.

Midnight ride, what a crazy night I've
had.

Midnight ride, gonna raise the country
high. There'll be a room

in my life between me and you.

But for now it's just you and me on

a midnight ride.

Midnight ride, what a lovely night I've
spent.

Midnight ride, with my lady by my side.
We'll make love.

Midnight ride, tonight's sweet lullaby.

Till it's time for me to die.

It's very good.

Just don't stop.

Put it in my mouth.

Feels good.

And right around the edge, love.

Are you good?

How? How? What a lovely night I've had

Midnight ride with my lady by my side
We'll make love,

need the sun Tonight, sweet love,

bye Till it's time for me to fly On

this midnight

He could invent anything.

This wacko got his nuts off flying
kites. While we're out fighting a war,

out playing with himself.

Degenerate bastard.

You know you're gonna win.

You're gonna win.

Excuse me.

Are you the very famous Dr. Ben
Franklin?

Yes,

indeed I am.

Oh, dear kind sir, you must help me.

And what can I do for thee, my child?

It's complicated.

General Washington told me only you
could solve my problem.

He did?

He did?

Not only did he say that you were indeed
the finest inventor in the colonies,

but also its resident lecturer.

He did?

How nice.

Well, tell me, my child, what is it I
can do for thee?

Well, tis me crumpets.

Thy crumpets? Me crumpets. Oh, well, me
little wench, what is wrong with

thy crumpets?

My lovers have all tried their best, but
I can't get me crumpets off.

Ah, thee has come to the right person.

I have?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes, indeed.

Then you can help me?

Yes, my latest invention.

Here, hold my kite.

Let's see, it must be here someplace.

I know I had it with me when I came.

Oh, my.

Let's see. Maybe it's in this pocket
here.

Of course, that's not it. Now, silly of
me.

Let's see. I may have put it in here,
though.

Oh, no.

That's a tipsy stomach, you know.

Let's see now. I know I've got it here
somewhere. Oh, my, my, my. Let's see. I

hope the cat didn't have it. Let's see.
Somewhere. Oh, yes.

Here it is, my child.

my head and take a little nibble. It'll
be all right.

Pray tell, good doctor, what have thee
there?

Tis a, a, a crumpet stuffer.

Tis interesting.

What does thee do with it?

I stuff it and I crumpet. In and out, in
and out.

To tell thee truth, Dr.

Franklin, I think thee strange.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. Here, let me show
thee. Lift thy skirt.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, my, my, such pretty legs.

Mm -hmm. Yes.

And... Oh, my, such a pretty beaver. I
think we'll make that the symbol of

Oregon someday.

Round and round the little crumpet
stuffer goes.

Round and round and round. Oh, my, my,
my.

And now we wind the string of the kite.
Let's see. Here it is now. Wind it round

and round the little crumpet stuffer.

You see?

Uh -huh.

There we go.

Oh, my.

Oh,

it's so firm.

Oh, my dear.

Oh. Oh.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh, here I am out in the water again.

Oh, God, if I throw up one more time on
my undershirt, oh, well.

My pappy used to hang out around here
with a guy named John Garbanzo.

You know him as John Smith.

Shows his local holiday inn.

He used to fuck around on his wife a
lot.

John Smith.

Can you believe a fucking name like
that?

Now, here was a guy who was really into
Indian broads.

Now, one day he was riding through the
woods with a half a heart on, looking

somewhere to put it, when he spied a
great set of tits riding through the

forest. He wanted his women like his
coffee, hot and black.

Degenerate bastard.

Restless as the wind that moves the
tree.

Maiden, don't you fear.

Captain Smith is here.

Somewhere there's a lady he can be.

Me, Captain John Smith.

Thou? Pocahontas.

You got great tits.

I'd give a year's pay to fuck.

Nah, you talking the kind of trash I
like to hear my man.

What say thee?

You know what I'm talking, spaghetti
bender.

I ain't talking no pasta and berry
sauce.

You want to pack my crack?

You boot me some loot, zoot suit.

That was understood every word I've
said. Every syllable? Mm -hmm. Are you

you're an Indian?

Hey, don't blow my cover. I'm a
Manhattan Indian up from 42nd Street.

Hey, wait a minute now.

We've got to talk a little business
first.

Anything. Just anything.

Whew. God, my hemorrhoids are killing
me.

You know, if you had hemorrhoids as long
as I've had them,

you'd know what a pain in the ass really
is.

Oh, looky there.

Well, the population has... changed
since I was a kid.

That's weird.

Oh, well.

Come on. This is the bridge that the
Minutemen used to cross to meet their

wenches.

You know, I knew three of them
personally.

The one who were in that famous picture
you've all seen.

These were some fun -loving guys.

Always out for a good time.

You know, you probably all wondered how
the minute men really got their name.

Well, let me show you.

Oh, yes, quite, quite, yes.

Well,

now,

what say you young ladies come have a
yard of ale with us here fighting boys?

Fighting boys, my ass. Only fighting
you've been doing is with your own self.

Oh, puppy cock, puppy cock.

You girls been missing out on lots of
fun, haven't they, boys?

It's been a long time since you met Stug
Black.

Don't waste your time there, brother.
These here girls are going to stand us

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Zeb. Let's go on over
to that there cat house and screw those

little witches over there. What do you
say, huh? Hey, hold on, boys.

Zeke has business to take care of.

Now, let's say about nine,

by the by.

What's the address?

Hey, what's that?

Oh, just my Pulsar digital.

Father picked it up for me in Cartier's
of Mercantile.

Now I'm very hip.

Don't you be worrying about the address.

You boys is horny enough to smell us
out.

See you about nine.

I think she was right.

Well, if you're going to be such a prude
about it, you can go over there in the

corner and watch.

Watch what?

I can take on all three of those guys
and still have enough left over for the

Continental Army.

God, you're crude.

You sure are a sweet little thing,
aren't you?

When was the last time anybody got into
your little panty?

What's that for?

It's been such a long day.

Why is it so long?

It's been such a long day.

Why is it a long way?

Let's leave.

This is such a long day.

Why isn't the road ready?

This won't take long. You can wait back
there.

You're gonna miss the best lay you ever
had, Lassie.

Oh, let her go, brother.

We can fuck this here, wench. Right.

A haul is a haul.

Come here, Lassie.

I'd like to dip my stick a wee bit.

You're a sweet -talking bastard, aren't
you?

Well, gentlemen, what'll it be? One at a
time or all together?

Well, wench, your sister takes notes.

Now... to see if you can take on the
lot.

Right. And if she can't, there's a cat.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Bring on the rum and the ale.

Ho, ho, bring on the winches. Tomorrow
we fight in the

dill.

Dream, dream, forget all our sorrows.
Who knows what the battle will bring.

Dream, dream, let's burn all our
bridges. Let's raise up our spirits and

ho, ho.

George Washington.

You think you got troubles? This poor
devil was married to a real schizo,

degenerate bastard.

Martha, is there any ale in the
cupboard?

We have to go through this Betsy Ross
thing again.

You remember what Dr.

Tucker told you?

He said, Martha, you're not Betsy Ross.

You're Martha Washington.

Now look, you've got to stop this.
You're driving your old man free to us.

Dr. Tucker?

Who'd be Dr.

Tucker?

Forget it, forget it.

What sow thee there?

I sowest a flag.

Is it not beautiful?

Do you not like it?

I don't know whether to wear it or to
wave it.

Look, let's forget about the flag,
Betsy. I mean, Martha.

Look, I've got something else I'd like
to raise to full mast.

Do you never get enough?

What about the British?

Screw the British. Let them get their
own wenches.

Well, then what about Martha?

Will she not be pissed at me? If you
won't tell her, I won't.

Ah, George, you are a clever lad.

And with all those children running
around looking like you, you're a cinch

be named father of our country.

And thou art a buxom lass, Betsy.

Yes.

Oh, we must not tarry. Got to be down to
the Delaware this evening.

If I don't leave soon, they won't leave
a seat for me.

Well... You should make haste then and
not waste these precious moments.

See if we can pitch them home.

Is that the way you want it?

Oh, yeah.

That's what they all say.

Talk dirty to me, Martha.

Oh, Betsy.

Oh, Martha.

Oh, Betsy. I mean, Martha.

Oh, Betsy.

Oh, the hell.

This here is my ex -wife.

I really love that one.

Degenerate bastard.

And over there, that's my ex -wife, too.

She died of the consumption.

And that ex -wife died when I caught her
in bed with Paul Revere.

Degenerate bastard.

This here is my ex -wife.

Boy, could she... Well, that's another
story.

Degenerate bastard.

This here is my ex -wife.

Oh, what I remember about her.

Degenerate prevert.

There's my cousin Timmy.

He liked small boys.

We had to shoot him.

Degenerate bastard.

Right over there... is my brother, Tom.

Tom broke a leg at the age of 103
leaping out of a second -story window.

Degenerate bastard.

The producers of Spirit of 76 wish to
express their gratitude to the founding

fathers of this great nation, without
whose vision this motion picture could

have been made.

The Constitution's First Amendment
legally and morally grants to all of us

right of free speech and expression,
freedoms too precious to be censored,

rights too important to be denied.

In this, our nation's bicentennial.

Let us not lose sight of one thing.

Censorship should be today what it was
for those men of 1776, an unthinkable

tyranny for free men everywhere to
endure.

It is because of these great Americans,
and not to spite them, we are truly

proud to have brought you our Spirit of
1776.

Yeah That's the way it was 200 years ago
Just before

it All turned to shit Yeah