All language subtitles for Columbo (1968) - S00E01 - Death Hits the Jackpot (1080p BluRay x265 Silence)_track3_[eng]

You weren’t supposed to keep a key.

Do you have insurance coverage?
What if something happened to your loved one?

That was one of the things we agreed to, Freddy.

That I’m not supposed to keep a key
to my own house?

This is not the house you live in anymore.

Let’s just get this over with, all right?
I don’t have a lot of time.

Freddy, what was so important
that it couldn’t wait?

Nance, we got a lot of things to discuss,
all right?

My lawyer says he sent the final decree
to you over a month ago...

and you haven’t signed it yet.
I’d like to know why.

Freddy, I have got a date,
and I’m not even half ready.

And, you know, I regret that
I ever agreed to this.

What, the divorce?

No, not the divorce.

So, what’s the big deal?
I mean, just come back another time.

No! Nance, I’m here, okay? We’re gonna talk.
I thought you wanted to get this over with.

I do. I just don’t understand why it has
to be now, this minute.

So, what time is the date?

Do you mind if I finish my hair
while we talk?

Go ahead.

- Thank you!
- You’re welcome.

I haven’t signed because we agreed
on something that’s not in the papers.

Can you hear me?

Freddy, can you hear me?

Loud and clear.

Well, why did you renege?
We agreed that you have to pay your debt.

Mmm-hmm.

What?

You mean our debt.

No, I mean your debt.

You borrowed that money, not me.
I mean, you just had to have all that equipment.

- Wow.
- Look, we have discussed this, Freddy.

And then you agreed, I think,
"Great! Well, now it’s final.”

But then, you change your mind.

I mean, how many times
do we have to go over the same thing?

Huh.

It never fails. Just when I’m ready to go out,
something always comes up.

- Huh.
- I hate being rushed like this.

Hey, five bucks.

Did you say something?

You know, this isn’t
just me talking, Freddy, but my lawyer.

That debt was acquired by you,
on your own, as an individual.

Yeah, all me.

Geez.

Prior to our marriage.

Yeah, by about six weeks.

What?

Oh, my God.

Freddy, I can’t hear you
if you don’t speak up.

- Freddy?
- Come on, 11. Come on, 11.

Come on, 11. Come on, baby, yeah.

Come on, come on.
Yes, come on, 11. Come on, please.

Please, yes, come on.
Come on, give me 11. Give me 11.

Come on, come on.

Eleven, eleven, eleven, eleven.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Yes!

Freddy?

- Lottery.
- Mmm-hmm.

- How’d you do?
- Not bad. I picked three, won five bucks.

Do you... You play? You buy a ticket?

- No.
- No.

You know, I... I think your hair
looks nice that way.

Freddy, it’s one thing
to split our assets 50-50,

but I don’t think I should be asked
to go 50-50 on your debt.

- I mean, it was never my obligation.
- Is that so?

- Well, that’s just not the way I see it, Nance.
- That’s obvious.

No. You know, it’s like this money
that I borrowed,

the debt that we’re talking about, was so that
I could set up a photography business.

You know, the same business that we lived on
for three years while we were married.

You know, it’s the same business
that I still break my back trying to run.

It’s the same business that allows me
to pay you money every month,

while we argue over this silly divorce
that you wanted.

You know, it’s the same business
that bought this house,

and your robe, and this furniture, and probably
even these ridiculous-looking slippers.

- Freddy!
- No, no, Nance. Here’s the thing.

You know, if you don’t see it that way, that’s fine,
because I’m not gonna fight you on this.

I’1l spend just as much money on legal fees
trying to collect from you...

as if I just assumed your half of the debt.
So it’s over, okay? Okay.

Divorce granted. I’m gonna change the papers.
Case closed. Good night, good luck.

Have a nice date, have a nice life.

Freddy?

Oh, God!

Yeah!

Here, hold it.

That’s it, touch it,

feel it.

Feel the history.

From the year 1674, from Mother Russia.

A gift to the czarina at sweet 16,
from her father.

A total of 18 karats of emeralds.

The setting is platinum, of course.
The artistry is magnificent, you can see that.

The craftsman must have been an inspired man.
Certainly a God-gifted one.

Mrs. Weatherford, Mr. Weatherford,

this is more than a unique piece of jewelry.

It takes my breath away, Mr. Lamarr.

Your breath and the education
of the grandchildren.

Our grandchildren have parents, darling.
Thank the good Lord.

And all of them gainfully employed,
the last time I looked.

It’s a real nice piece, Lamarr.
Let us think about it.

As you wish.

The education of his grandchildren?

Doesn’t that fathead realize he’d be buying
an investment?

What does he think this is, a fish market?

Am I losin’ my touch, or is it just
this damn recession?

Mr. Lamarr, the information from your
broker just came in. Do you want to see it?

Do I want to see it? Ha!
Yeah, I want to see it.

The broker’s secretary said to make sure
to tell you that he’1l be in his office.

I’m dead broke.

I’m broke.

God.

Uncle Leon.

- I got a problem.
- Ah.

I got a big problem.

Uncle Leon, you’re the only person
I’ve ever been able to turn to, to trust.

You know that.

You tell me one of your problems,
I’1l tell you one of mine.

At the end of the day, if anyone’s
left standing they’1l win a prize.

Okay. And I start?

Go.

I just won $30 million in the lottery.

Yes, I can see how that could be a problem
for you, Freddy.

No, Uncle Leon, I’m serious.

- I’m sure.
- Uncle Leon, look at me.

I’m serious. As God as my witness,
I just won Wednesday night’s lottery.

The jackpot was $30 million.

No one else has the winning numbers.
The whole thing is mine.

Every penny, every cent, mine.
I got proof.

Well...

Well?

Thirty million.

30,435,885 to be exact.

Doggone, this is amazing.
I find it hard to grasp.

You’re telling me.

$30 million, all goin’
to my little nephew, Freddy Brower.

My favorite nephew.

I know that for a fact, Uncle Leon.
No arguments there.

Well, Freddy, my boy.

For once in my life I find myself
at a loss for words.

You don’t have to say anything,
Uncle Leon. I know how you feel.

You said you had a little problem here.
You were kiddin’ me, weren’t you?

No, sir.

I got a little
$15 million problem.

You’ve lost me now.

Nancy.

Nancy? What’s she got to do with it?
I thought...

- We’re not divorced yet.
- What?

What I didn’t say is, that if I go down there
to collect the $30 million,

the next thing you know, half of it’s gonna
wind up in Nancy’s personal bank account.

Oh.

Would you agree I have a little problem?

Let’s take a walk, Freddy.

I’1l think better in the fresh air.

Tell me, Freddy, who else have you told
about your windfall?

Nobody.

- Nobody at all?
- Nobody.

Look, Uncle Leon, I’ve been walkin’
around in a daze ever since Wednesday night.

I don’t know if I’ve eaten, I don’t know if I’ve slept,
but one thing I know for sure...

is I haven’t told anybody anything.

That’s very good. Good, Freddy, very good.

- Why? What are you thinking about?
- A switch.

A switch?

- Substitution.
- What do you mean?

It’s not exactly legal, I’m afraid.
We’d both be running a little risk.

But I think it’s the only possible solution.

Let’s hear it.

I cash in the ticket.

You?

Just as if I’d bought it. I get the 30 million.

And then?

And then...

I give the money to you.

We can do that?

I mean, that would work?

Why not?

I don’t know.

Yeah, I... I guess it would.
Wouldn’t it?

It’s not really that complicated, Freddy.
You give me the ticket, I cash it in,

and the lottery people give me the money
and I give it to you.

And Nancy never has to know.

- Bingo.
- All right.

This is good. I like it.

Wouldn’t you rather have all the money now,

while you’re still young and you can get all
the pleasure out of it?

Yes.

Or would you rather have it dribbled out
to you over 20 years?

No, I would like it right now,
when I can enjoy it.

I’d like it right now, right here in my hand.

Well, that’s your prerogative, Freddy.

It’s your money.
You can do whatever you please with it.

As a matter of fact,

I know some people who might be interested
in a transaction like this.

Of course it could take a little time.
I probably could broker the deal myself.

You know, get a few dollars for my trouble.

I’1l take care of you, Uncle Leon.
10% off the top.

That’s very generous of you, Freddy, but I...

But nothing. Now, I don’t want to
hear any more about that, okay?

As you wish. Many thanks.

- Forget it.
- Okay.

You really think this will work?

I do.

- You sure?
- I am.

Okay.

I think, though, that maybe we should
have something in writing.

I mean, kind of an informal agreement
about what we’re doing.

In case...

Old Uncle Leon ups and drops dead,

clutchin’ the winning ticket
in his rigor mortis hands?

Uncle Leon, I...

Of course I’m gonna give you a letter, Freddy.
What do you think?

I wouldn’t do this unless you have
a written agreement.

Now then, I gotta know all the details
in case they ask me some questions,

how could I answer?
Like, “Where’d you buy the ticket?”

“What day? What time?”

I’m in the money

Great show for you tonight,
and I can’t wait to meet my special guest,

the only holder of the $30 million
lottery ticket.

The only one!
Do you realize what that means?

He doesn’t have to
Share the money with anybody...

except maybe his wife.

Unless he wants to sleep
in the bathtub tonight.

Wow! Okay, it’s time for a few requests.

Impersonations of famous
Hollywood celebrities.

Freddy? Freddy?

Freddy? Freddy?

Freddy, did you know your uncle’s
on television?

Oh, that’s the show.

Oh, yeah. I was... I was sort of watchin’.

Freddy, is that champagne you’re drinking?

Don’t get up.
I know where you keep the glasses.

Trish, the door.

Freddy! Freddy!

- Your uncle, he’s on the tube!
- Oh, God.

Champagne!

Oh, great!

Hey, everybody, there’s a party
in Freddy’s place!

- Come on, come on.
- Oh, man.

Freddy’s uncle just win $30 million.

Hey, Freddy, introduce me
to your uncle, okay?

What would he want to meet you for?

Freddy, Freddy, congratulations!
Way to go!

I’1l get some glasses.

McGinty, could you control your creature?

Oh, relax, Freddy.

He’s cute.

Those are my photographs.

What’s the matter, Freddy?
Let him hang out.

He’s havin’ a good time,
he’s not bothering anybody.

- Right, Georgey?
- Yeah, sure.

What did she say?

Mama thinks you got a nose
like an artichoke.

I love an old lady who speaks her mind.

I’d love some champagne.

Freddy, do we have a problem here?

I think I might have one more bottle.

Hey, the MC just finished his monologue.
He’s applauding himself.

Hurry, Freddy!

Your uncle’s already loaded, isn’t he?
Ha! The rich get richer.

Yeah, you should’ve won the lottery, Freddy.
You could use it.

Well, that’s life.

Yeah, being broke.

Can you imagine to win $30 million?

I can imagine spending it.

Great.

What’s your uncle like, Freddy?

My uncle is a great guy.

Yeah, well, let’s hope he’s a great guy.

- Bring him over. Bring him over.
- Let’s see how great a guy he is.

Absolutely, bring him on down.

Love you, Lamarr!

Freddy, aren’t you just a wee bit envious
of your uncle?

I have my art.
What would I do with all that money?

Ladies and gentlemen,

here is the moment
we have all been waiting for.

I don’t know about you, folks,
but that’s the biggest check I’ve ever seen.

Thirty mil and change.

And it all belongs to Leon Lamarr!

Leon! Whoo!

Here he comes, there he is.

Whoo! All right!

A lot to smile about.

To Leon, the greatest uncle
a guy ever had.

To Leon! Yay!

Leon!

Way to go, Unc.

Your daughter wants to know if she can
buy the sports car...

she pointed out to you yesterday,
when you were driving to the restaurant.

The red one?

Mmm, she didn’t mention the color.

Well, you tell her if it’s the red one,
it’s all right.

Okay.

The Society for Homeless Pets
would like to honor you.

Pass.

A group called Geese for Lithuania
wants...

Geese?

- Maybe they meant “Peace.”
- Pass.

Freddy Brower called.

What’d he want?

Well, he swore it wasn’t money.

Well, bless his heart,
it’d be the first one today.

He said he had something
to talk to you about.

Not an investment opportunity,
not a charity he’s connected with...

and could you meet with him
sometime this afternoon?

Well, tell him this afternoon’s impossible.
I’1l1 call him on the way home.

All right. The Reverend Hue San Kim...

Pass.

- Hello?
- Freddy!

Hey, Unc. How you doing?

Just fine, Freddy, just fine.
How are you?

Well, to tell you the truth,
I’m goin’ a little crazy these days.

- How so, boy?
- What, are you kidding?

I’m waiting to get my hands
on the better part of $30 million,

and in the meantime
I gotta borrow money to pay the rent.

You think that’s easy?

So, what’s the good word?
What’s our timeframe look like?

Well, probably a couple of more weeks, Freddy.

Two more weeks?

Well, you didn’t think they were
gonna let me cash in...

that great big cardboard check
you saw on TV, did you?

Seriously, Freddy,

if you hadn’t wanted me to make
the cash-now deal...

I know, I know. I know, but...

I made the contact.
The deal is in the works.

Now, listen to me, old son.

You’re gonna have to dig down and find
a little more patience.

In two more weeks, Freddy,

you’re gonna be a millionaire, boy.
Many times over. You just think about that.

I am, Uncle Leon, I am.

You better believe I think about that
every minute of every hour of every day.

Oh, Lord, have I been busy today!

Oh, you have no idea, Leon. None.

Community meetings, charity benefits,
political fund-raising.

Oh! It isn’t as though I wasn’t active
before we won the $30 million.

And, darling, don’t you find it surprising
that we have suddenly gained...

a very large number of new and wonderfully
close friends?

Remarkably surprising.
But I’ve got an idea on that regard.

I am all ears.

Not all, sweetie.

Naughty.

How about a party?

Wonderful. I love parties.

To celebrate our new-found wealth
and our delightful new friends.

Perfect. When shall we do it?

What about Halloween, huh?
Costume party? What do you think?

Oh, a stunning idea!
Oh, we shall have such fun.

Should we have a theme?

How about “Come dressed as
your favorite millionaire...

other than yourself?”

Wonderful! Brilliant! I love it!

Oh! Halloween!

Oh, my dear, that’s only two weeks from now.
I have really got to get myself going.

Let’s see, the invitation list,
the parking, the caterers...

Oh, sir,

I am positively overwhelmed
with your presence.

Enjoy your bath, baby.
You got plenty of time.

Oh, very impressive.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, sir.

Oh, my!

Beautiful. Thank you.

- Thank you.
- You’re welcome.

All right.

- Oh! Honey! Sugar! Thank you so much.
- You’re welcome.

That is splendid.

Come on, hurry up, Wendy.

Okay, I’m coming!

Long time, no see, Uncle Leon.

Well, how you doing, boy?
Am I disturbing you? Anybody here?

No. Come on in.
Hey, you look beautiful, man.

What are you, a doorman?

Oh, hell, I’m King George.

So, where’s the money?

I thought a toast would be
in order, Your Lordship.

Ain’t that the truth.

Hey, who is this?

Oh, that’s Joe.

How you doin’, Joe?

I’m chimp-sitting for a friend
who’s on vacation.

So, where’s the money?

It’s downstairs, locked in the trunk
of my car.

- You’re kidding.
- My German Shepherd’s in the back seat.

Ah, okay. That’s good.

Do you know how long
it took me to count that money, boy?

I bet it wasn’t fast.

Well, now, if you don’t mind, son,

I’d like to have that
letter of agreement back.

The what?

That letter we both signed.
You know, your insurance policy,

telling what we were gonna do with
your lottery ticket.

- Oh, that.
- Yes, that.

That’s under the mattress.

Well, that’s a good choice.

Now, Your Highness, would you like me
to open this bottle for you?

You bet. I’1ll get the glasses.

Ah, you’re the most
beautiful queen of my heart.

Come here.

- This is my wife.
- Welcome.

Hello.

It is my pleasure.

Oh, sweetie, thank you.
I’m glad you could come.

Your Excellency, I’m honored.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Hello?

Yes, just one minute.

Mr. Lamarr, it’s your nephew, sir.

Oh, Leon, hurry back.

Perle Mesta, I do believe.

Yes, Freddy? Is anything the matter?

Well, that’s fine. 10:00 is fine.
Sure. We’ll barely be getting started then.

You bet.

Well, hurry up, now.

I love you, Leon.
I love you so much.

Hi, Leon.

It’s Freddy. He’s gonna be late, honey.

Sure, I mean, that’s a frightening thing.

But you’re gonna be okay.
You’re gonna be just fine.

Just take it easy and relax.

That’s right, that’s good.

You have such a wonderful, natural way
with wild animals, Lieutenant.

A very unusual and attractive quality
in a man.

Well, I wouldn’t call this guy
exactly a wild animal.

Well, I meant not a purely domesticated
creature, like a dog or a cat.

I like animals.

As do I, Lieutenant.
We have that in common.

Which is why, when I heard
poor little Joey here crying so pathetically,

I just had to try to do something.

- You would have done as much, I’m sure.
- Oh, I hope so, ma’am.

- So, that’s when you came down and knocked?
- Mmm-hmm.

But the only response
I got was from little Joey here.

And that’s when you called the police,
is that right, ma’ am?

Trish.

Yes, I think it was just about 8:30.

Well, thank you, ma’am.

Trish.

I live just downstairs, Lieutenant.
I’m a poet.

- A poet?
- Mmm-hmm.

- Oh!
- And a potter.

Ah-ha! And a potter.

Well, I’m gonna have to check something out
with the boys, so...

Oh, certainly.

Do you think that you could...

Oh! Here. Of course.

Look! He took my badge!

Joey!

He lifted that badge,
and I never felt it.

You could be a real menace
in the street, baby.

Oh, if I can be of any further help,
Lieutenant.

Thank you very much, ma’am.

Trish.

Trish.

- He drowned in the tub?
- Yeah.

Takin’ a bath. Slipped.

Hit his head.

Yeah, happens all the time.

Taking a bath. Okay.
Well, there’s the soap.

What’s this?

Bath oil, yeah. Okay.

Wash cloth. All right, good.

No... back brush?

- No.
- Mmm-hmm.

You guys use a back brush?

- No.
- No.

You don’t know what you’re missin’.

Well, there’s his pants and his shoes.

No socks?

Hamper.

Oh, yeah, socks.
Well, good, okay.

- Bath oil.
- Right.

- We’re thinking that’s how he might’ve bought it.
- Wouldn’t have been the first one, either.

Mmm-hmm, right.

Bath oil clings to the porcelain,
victim climbs in...

Or out.

Foot slips out from under him
and wham! Down and out.

Well, look at this.

You got somethin’ there, Lieutenant?

Skin conditioner.
Best used after the bath.

You may be right,
but not according to this guy.

You know, the wash cloth was bone-dry.

Yeah, well, we figure he slipped
as he was reaching for the cloth,

dropped it as he fell backwards.

Uh-huh. Well, it could be.
But then he would be gettin’ in.

Whoa, look at that watch.

Yeah.

8:04.

Medical Examiner will probably be able...

to confirm the time of death
just around there, I’d guess.

Uh-huh.

Just want to check.

Well, what do you know about that.

Okay, bag that and get it down
to the lab immediately.

No problem, Lieutenant.

Lieutenant, turns out this guy is in
the middle of a divorce.

Is that so?

Wife’s name is Nancy Ellen Brower.
Her address and phone number.

His lawyer, her lawyer,
interlocutory, last year’s tax return.

Doesn’t look like it was too nasty,
but then again, you can’t believe lawyers’ letters.

- No, no, you can’t.
- Yeah.

Oh, and the phone company called
with your information that you wanted.

Brower’s last call
was made at 8:01 tonight.

8:01? Well, that’s just
three minutes before he...

Yeah. Makes you think, doesn’t it?

Yes, it does.

Yeah, here one minute and gone the next.

Call went to a guy, the name of Leon Lamarr.
Beverly Hills.

Call was under a minute.
Here’s his address and his phone number.

Look, Cleopatra!

Oh, yes! Wonderful!

Oh! And Colonel Sanders!

John! Is that the chicken?

I haven’t the foggiest idea.
Who am I? I forget.

Oh, now, that’s imaginative.

Oh, that’s particularly good.
Bravo, sir, bravo!

Who’s he supposed to be?

An eccentric millionaire, silly.

It was a perfect condo with a beautiful view,
and Saint Peter said to this old couple,

“It’s yours for eternity, rent-free. ”

Well, the wife was deliriously happy,

but her husband groaned
and made a terrible face.

She said to him,
“Elmo, sweetie, don’t you like Heaven?”

“Like it?”, he said, “Hell, I love it.

If it hadn’t been for you and that damn oat bran,
we could have been here ten years ago.”

- Cute!
- It’s the only clean one I know.

Oh, look at that unusual costume, Leon.

That’s Mr. Lamarr in
the King George costume.

Isn’t he clever?

He’s certainly unique.

Excuse me, sir, I understand that
you’re the host of this party.

Leon Lamarr. I don’t believe I know you, sir.

No, sir, no, you don’t.
No, I’m... I’m with the police, sir.

That’s not for real, is it?
It certainly looks real.

Oh, it’s for real, sir.
Yeah, yeah, that’s me right there.

Lieutenant Columbo. I’m with the LAPD.

Have we been getting too rowdy here?

Oh. No. No, no, no, sir, no.

No, I wonder, could we find a place
a little bit more private?

Sure.

So, what’s on your mind?
Not serious, is it, Lieutenant?

Sir, did you receive a telephone call
this evening from a man named Fred Brower?

Freddy? My nephew.

- Your nephew, sir?
- Yeah. Why?

Well, something happen?

What time was that call? Around 8:00?

- Yeah, about that.
- And what was the purpose of the call?

Well, he called to ask whether he could be late
to the party. I said, “Fine. Hurry up.”

Oh, he was coming here, sir? Tonight?

Yes, he was invited.

What is this?

Was there an accident?

It would appear that way, sir, yes.

What do you mean “appear”?
Tell me what happened.

- Well, I’m afraid it’s very bad news, sir.
- What?

Your nephew is dead. I’m very sorry.

Oh, my God.

No. I...

No, I just spoke to him...

Well, how did it happen?

Was it a car accident?
Had he been drinkin’? Was that it?

No, sir, no.

It was an accident in his home,
in the studio.

Apparently he was taking a bath, and
he slipped and he fell and hit his head.

He drowned, sir.

Oh, dear God.

I can’t believe this.

Freddy was my favorite nephew.

He was more than that, he was...

like a son to us.

Freddy, dead.

How am I gonna tell Martha? I just...

Freddy...

He was my brother Lawrence’s son.
His only child.

Lawrence and his wife, Betty,
that’s Freddy’s mama,

killed in a plane crash when
he was just a kid. He was 13 or 14.

Poor little tyke. He just fell apart.

Martha and I tried to step in.
We... We tried.

God, what a tragedy.

Does Nancy know?

Would that be his wife, sir?

Ex-wife.

No, sir, no. She doesn’t know yet.

Maybe I should tell her.

I think it probably would be better
for us to do that, sir.

Yeah, you’re right. Right.
She probably won’t even shed a tear.

It was a terrible marriage.
God knows whose fault it was.

Oh, Freddy.

Poor, innocent, irresponsible,

wonderful Freddy.

Well, I’m very sorry, sir, to have
had to bring you this very sad news.

Thank you.

I can find my way out.

Lieutenant Columbo?

Oh, Mrs. Brower?

- Yes. You’ve come about Freddy, haven’t you?
- Yes, ma’am.

I heard late last night.

Evidently one of the tenants in the building
contacted a mutual friend of ours...

who was vacationing in CancUn. Meyer McGinty.

Oh, and he’s the gentleman
that owns the chimp.

Yes. And Meyer called me.

I see.

Ma’am, can you tell me...

what do you get for a nightgown
like this here?

$425.

$425.

Well, I don’t think that she’1l be able
to sleep in anything that expensive.

- She?
- My wife.

Oh.

We’re gonna celebrate our 25th anniversary.

- Congratulations.
- Thank you, very much.

And I was thinkin’ along the lines of,
well, lingerie. You know,

something that she wouldn’t
ordinarily buy for herself.

I know exactly what you mean.

So, it’s 425?

- Mmm-hmm.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Well, all right, well,
I’1l think about that.

This here is on the outside?

Mmm-hmm. It’s a... It’s a robe.

A robe?

Well, it’s actually more of a peignoir.

Peignoir. Uh-huh.

And... Oh, and this is the pajamas here?

- That’s right.
- Uh-huh.

425. And that’s for everything?

- Complete.
- Uh-huh.

Okay. Well, I’1l think about that.
And I’m sorry I got sidetracked here...

because I know this is a bad time for you,
ma’am, and I’m sensitive to that, and...

Lieutenant, I... I think that you should know,

Freddy and I had been on the skids
for quite a long time,

and were never exactly
Romeo and Juliet to begin with.

So, I can’t honestly say I feel a great loss.

Does that make me sound dreadfully cold?

I’m sorry if it does,
because I’m not really, a cold person.

When’s the last time
you saw your husband, ma’am?

Oh, let me think.
About a month ago, I believe.

He came over to argue some legal point
in our divorce papers and then left.

I can’t even remember
if we accomplished anything.

And that was the last time
that you saw him or spoke to him?

Yes.

Do you know what I’m thinking,
Lieutenant?

What is that, ma’ am?

If I’m not mistaken,
25th anniversaries are sterling.

Sterling?

Oh, that’s silver.

Yes.

Oh, I never checked on that.

- Well, I’m almost positive.
- Silver.

Well, maybe I should change my plans.
Throw the lingerie out.

Well, you could always do both.

Silver and silk go rather nicely
together, don’t you think?

Oh, both.

425 plus...

Two hundred for the bracelet.

Yeah.

Plus tax.

Uh-huh.

All right, folks, keep moving.
Don’t block the sidewalk.

Thank you. Keep moving.

Bucks For Ducks, donate a buck.

Save a duck, save the environment...

- Keep it clear. Let’s go.
- Hey, what’s goin’ on here?

Move along, please.
Let’s keep this pavement clear here.

He’s okay. He’s with us.

- Yeah, what’s goin’ on here?
- All right, keep moving, come on.

It’s about a little ticket
worth $30 million.

I’1l be a son of a gun!

That’s why he seemed so familiar!

I kept askin’ myself, where have
I seen him before?

Lamarr! Yes, Leon Lamarr.
I saw the guy get the check on TV.

Well, it had to be the costume,
“cause I’m talkin’ to him...

and I don’t know he won the $30 million.
I don’t recognize him.

Thirty million bucks!
I gotta tell my wife about this.

- Mr. Lamarr! Oh, give me that hand.
- Oh, Lieutenant.

I want to shake the hand that picked
the $30 million ticket.

- Oh!
- Congratulations.

Well, thank you.

Well, how does it feel?

- Great, just great.
- Oh, I’1l bet it does.

Where were you, you know,
when you heard the news?

- I was at home.
- Oh, you were watchin’ on the TV?

Well, TV, it was on, but fact is,
I wasn’t watchin’ it.

No.

- No. No.
- Really?

I was goin’ over my bank statement.

- I wasn’t payin’ any attention.
- Uh-huh.

I looked up
when they called the number...

and I said, “Golly, what it...
The number I...”

So you didn’t see any of those balls
that come out with the numbers on it?

- No, I never saw any of them balls.
- You didn’t see that?

But they called the number
and I looked at my ticket,

and when they said it again, sure enough.

- It was you.
- It was me.

So what did you do? What did you say?

Well, I just sat there. I was stunned.
I mean...

Then I started yellin’.

Yeah, so what did you say?

Well, I... “Honey! Honey!”
That’s my wife.

“T just... I won! I won!”
I just ran out of the den. I was yellin’.

- But she wasn’t there.
- No!

No, my son was there.
I said, “Hell, God, my...”

And we kissed each other,
hugged, cried a little bit.

I said, “Sonny boy, your daddy is the luckiest
man in the world.”

Well, I can second that, believe me.
That’s a hell of a story, believe me.

Listen, the reason I came here to see you was,
I wanted to ask you about a watch.

All right. Any particular watch?

Your nephew’s watch, sir.

Freddy’s.

Yes, it was a LeSur.
That’s a good choice. Right here.

- Oh, yeah. There it is. Yeah.
- That’s it. Exact one.

- No, that looks like the exact same watch.
- It is. That’s the LeSur 2600.

You considering one of these for yourself?

Oh, no, sir. I’m afraid that’s a little
too much watch for me to handle.

But your nephew, when he had his accident,
he was wearing his.

Here, let me show you.

Just take a minute, sir.

You see, sir? You see how that crystal
there is broken?

Apparently when he fell,
and the watch stopped working.

Well, I suppose it could happen that way.

It was guaranteed to be waterproof,
but not if the crystal is compromised.

Well, I’m afraid, sir, my problem is
not that the watch stopped workin’,

but why he was wearin’ it.

Well, I don’t follow.
What do you mean by that?

Well, your nephew’s watch, sir, is a counterfeit.

That’s impossible.

Well, I’m afraid it’s a fact, sir.

See, I looked on the other side,
and there’s no serial number there.

- Yes?
- You see, sir?

Yeah, I see that.

- Not like on this watch.
- Right.

And probably all these watches here,
they got serial numbers.

Quality watches, they have serial numbers,
isn’t that true, sir?

Absolutely.

Well, but there was none on your nephew’s,
and so I sent it over there, to the lab,

and they come back with a report,
they said it was worth about $100.

That baffles the hell out of me. I...
Must be a mistake.

Oh, I’m afraid not, sir.

Well, I’m afraid
you’re not hearin’ me, Lieutenant.

I gave that watch to my nephew as a gift.
I gave it to Freddy.

He’d always wanted one,
but he’d never been able to afford it.

You see, it retails at nearly $3,000,

and I gave it to him nearly a year ago,
on his 35th birthday.

Now, what are you coming in here
and suggesting...

what I really gave my nephew
was a $100 knock-off?

No, sir, no. Nothin’ like that.

Well, what are you driving at then?

Well, isn’t it possible,
Sir, that he might have needed money,

and some time during the year he sold it?

Freddy always needed money, that’s true.

And isn’t it reasonable, sir, to think that
feelin’ about you, the way that I know he did,

that he wouldn’t want you
to know that he sold it?

Yeah, he could have bought a counterfeit,

“cause he knew probably I’d never see the back of
the case and never suspect it was not the original.

- Yes, Sir.
- Could have happened that way.

I’m sorry, Lieutenant,
I was curt to you. I apologize.

No harm done, sir.
But getting back to my question.

Please. Yes, sir?

Now, we know this was a fake LeSur.
We established that.

Now, my question is this.

Since it was a fake,
and since a fake is not waterproof,

wouldn’t you think Freddy would know not
to wear it in the bathtub?

Mr. Lamarr, you don’t want to be late
for your luncheon appointment.

Excuse me.

Is it possible Freddy could have been planning
to take off the watch...

and slipped and fell before he could?

Well, I suppose it’s possible, but...

Let me ask you a question, Lieutenant.
Had he been drinkin’?

I mean, it’s no secret he had
a little problem in that area.

According to the medical
examiner’s report, sir,

yes, he’d been drinking pretty heavily.

Well, the booze could explain it.

Might explain why a man forgets to
take off his watch.

Might also explain...

why a grown man slips and falls and drowns
in his own bathtub.

Yes, sir, it might.

I think it would.

- Thank you for the time, sir.
- With pleasure.

Mr. Lamarr,

don’t spend it all in one place.

Funny man.

- Oh, God, I’ve missed you.
- I’m here.

- I need you so bad.
- Me, too.

Do I have to go to the funeral?

Whatever you want, my darling.

A detective came by today.

Yeah, routine. He won’t be back.

He was cute. I kind of liked him.

I bet he’d like you, too.

He’s having his 25th anniversary.
I told him it was sterling.

If he comes by, maybe you can sell him
something expensive.

We need the money.

You’re the devil in disguise.

Takes one to know one,

Uncle Leon.

“There are no roses now
They are gone with the sun

No twinkle of fireflies
To signal day is done

Come, mourn the end of love
Extinguished with the light

Awake from the ruined dream
Into never-ending night”

“Oh, Heavenly Father, we are gathered
at this final resting place.

We share the sorrow,
grief and the memories...

to bid farewell to one of your children,

insofar as we are all your children.

We share the sorrow
of his unexpected departure...

and the fond memories of
his brief time amongst us.

Our grief is tempered
with the firm belief...”

Nancy has her nerve being here,
after the way she treated poor Freddy.

Well, I’m sure it can’t be easy
for her, either.

I presume that she’s the uncle’s wife.

Yes. She’s a wonderful person.

Whose side are you on?

I’m not on anybody’s side.

“We humbly seek your blessing
and your everlasting mercy.”

Amen.

Would some of Freddy’s friends or relatives
like to share some memories with us?

- I’d like to say a few words.
- Certainly.

I’m Leon Lamarr, Freddy’s uncle.
But Freddy was more than a nephew to us.

My wife Martha and I
practically raised that boy.

This is impossible for me to believe
that I’m standing here,

and Freddy’s in this padded box.

Now that he’s actually gone,

I just remember all the baseball games
we shared together,

and how excited Freddy would get when
the Dodgers started to win.

And how he always laughed
at my naughty jokes.

Mama!

I guess that’s what they call today,
male bonding.

But Freddy and me,

we called it being buddies.

Good buddies.

So long, old buddy.

Oh, Mr. Lamarr?

I believe they wish to be alone
with their grief.

Now, unless someone else would like to share
their memories of Freddy,

the service is concluded.
Thank you all for coming.

Excuse me! Sir!

Maybe he’s a friend of Freddy.

Excuse me, I’m from
the Los Angeles Police Department.

- How do you do, sir?
- How do you do?

And you, sir, I’m assuming
that you’re a friend of Freddy’s.

And I just want to ask you
one quick question.

Did he ever mention to you his intention
of buying a car like this?

No. No, no, no, that’s not possible, believe me.
He don’t even have the money for room rent.

Well, that’s what everybody tells me.

- Thank you very much for your time.
- You’re very welcome.

My pleasure to meet you, ma’am.

It makes no difference if he’s married.

Oh, he don’t want to meet your niece!

Ah, she’s 58, with piano legs.

Oh, it’s a breathtaking car!

As you can see, it’s a most unique automobile.

Shouldn’t jam up like that when it’s sunny.

I want to ask you, Sir...

Gee, I hope I didn’t lose that thing.

I’m sure I... Oh, here it is.

I wanted to ask you about this car.

Sorry, but we don’t take trade-ins.

Could we step inside?

Do you have an appointment?

Appointment?

I don’t think that
I need an appointment.

Where have all the flowers gone?

Long time passing

Where have all the flowers gone?

Long time ago

Where have all the flowers gone?

Young girls have picked them, every one

Oh, when will they ever learn?

Oh, when will they ever learn?

Where have all the young girls gone?

Long time passing

McGinty!

Where have all the young girls gone?

Long time ago

Where have all the young girls gone?

Gone for husbands, every one

Oh, when will they ever learn?

Oh, when will they ever learn?

Hey, that cop is here.

What cop?

The Lieutenant. He’s in the closet.

In the closet?

Yes.

Lieutenant!

Oh. Hi, everybody.
I didn’t mean to intrude.

I just didn’t know everybody was
gathered here.

Oh, no. It was just sort of spontaneous.

We all just drifted up here
and started sharing memories.

- Can I help you with something, Lieutenant?
- Oh, no, I’m fine, ma’am. Thank you very much.

Are you looking for something in particular?

- No, just a couple of loose ends.
- Otto.

- Oh, listen, by the way...
- Stop it. Come on.

You might be interested.

Freddy was really gonna buy
that $175,000 car.

No, that’s not possible.

Freddy couldn’t afford the parking.

No, it’s really true.
I just spoke to the salesman.

He picked out the color.

Hey, where he get that kind of money?

Maybe from a rich uncle.

- The lottery winner.
- Yeah, who else?

How can life be so cruel?

Just when he’s about to have
a really terrific car,

he gets zapped, just like that.

Oh, isn’t that the way it always is?

Freddy was a big beer drinker,
wasn’t he?

Oh, yes, he love to drink beer.

He loved it too much,
if you want to know the truth.

Yeah, a six-pack a day,
that was Freddy’s way.

Then how come he bought
a case of champagne?

That must have cost
some seven, eight hundred dollars.

A case?

Well, how do you like that?
He was holding out on us.

Yeah, he only bring out
the two bottle, I remember.

Yeah, he sure was slow about that.

- Hey, let’s take a group picture.
- We need a camera.

I’ve got one.
This is Freddy’s, and it’s got film in it.

Italian policemen don’t steal no picture.

Mama, behave yourself
or no Jay Leno tonight, eh?

Lieutenant, will you take the picture?

All right.

It’s Freddy’s camera and it’s a good one.

All right, here we go.

Hey, we’re all ready!

What’s he doing now?

Okay, the moment is now!

What’s wrong with him?

Lieutenant, what’s the problem here?

- Take it already!
- Go!

Okay, everybody, here we go.
Cheese on three.

One, two...

Cheese!

Laura, sugar, I don’t like those earrings
all bunched together like that. It’s tacky.

Yes, Sir. I’1ll take care of it.

Otherwise everything’s
about perfect, wouldn’t you say?

Hey, get out of there!

I can’t hear you.

I can’t hear.
I don’t know what you’re sayin’.

What the hell was that all about?

No, no, I mean,
spread ‘em all over the case.

All right.

Excuse me, sir, I’m pressed for time.
I’ve got an appointment at the vet’s.

I just wanted to know whether or not that charm
bracelet in the window, is that sterling silver?

Are you interested in some sterling, sir?

Well, they told me that the traditional gift...

for the 25th anniversary is sterling silver.
Is that true?

I don’t know if the proper gift for the lady
that you’ve shared 25 years with...

is a metal worth only four dollars an ounce.

How many ounces are we talkin’ about?

Come here. Let me show you something
incredibly beautiful.

Oh, no, sir, thank you very much,
but I’m really pressed for time.

All right, okay.

Although, gee, if we made it fast...

Let’s pull this one out right here.

I do have a question about your nephew.

I’1l make this quick, sir.
It’s not a big thing.

I was looking through your nephew’s
telephone bills.

- I’m just curious about something.
- Mmm-hmm.

Last month he made 11 calls to your shop
here in Beverly Hills,

but on the previous month
he only made one.

Can you account for that?

Well, Freddy’s behavior
was not that complicated.

When he didn’t call me
it was because he was making ends meet.

And when he did,
it was ‘cause he needed some money.

And that’s why he made
all those calls last month, sir?

Yes, Sir.

- He needed money?
- Oh, yes.

Well, that don’t add up.

You got a problem with that?

Yeah, something’s missing here.

“Cause on the 20th,
the day he called you for money,

that boy went out and he ordered
a $175,000 automobile.

What? Who told you that?

Well, the salesman, sir.
Oh, yeah. Freddy, he’d selected the color,

and he was gonna have it delivered in Europe,
in Switzerland, in Bern.

Oh, don’t pay any mind to that.

Well, that sounds like Freddy.
Yeah, it sure does. He could do that.

I mean, that kid, he was in the clouds.
It was all fantasy.

You mean, he would make things up?

Make ’em up?

He told me he was going on tour with
Madonna as her private photographer.

- It wasn’t true?
- Made it up.

No kiddin’.

Ask Madonna.

Well, I’1l be a son of a gun.
So, this whole thing about the automobile,

that was all in his mind?

Let me tell you
the kind of thing he’d do.

He’d rent a Rolls-Royce for the day, see,
so he could go and look at houses for sale,

and, well, these are three and four
million dollar houses.

He’d have these people walking through all the
rooms, taking pictures, he’s asking questions.

He wanted to know if there was room
in the back so he could build a tennis court.

No kiddin’. And he had no money?

Not after he rented that Rolls. He was broke.

And it’s sad, ‘cause Freddy was a talented boy,
but he was mixed up.

Yeah, he sounds mixed up.

Well, listen, thank you very much
for this information.

I’m kind of pressed, sir,
so I’m gonna run along.

Do you remember the name of the real estate
agent that showed him those houses?

It was Mary Sedge somethin’.
She’s in Beverly Hills.

I’ll think of it. I’1l give you a call.

Much obliged, sir.

Mr. Lamarr, wonderful things
you said at the funeral. Very touching.

Thank you.

Oh, one more thing.

I’m gonna have to make this fast, sir.

Freddy bought a case of champagne.
I checked with the liquor store.

It was on the same day that he made
the 11th call to you.

Would he do that?

Would he spend $520
on a case of champagne,

and on the same day
call you up for a loan?

Well, that surprises me.

But I suppose he could have, bein’ Freddy.

‘Cause this wasn’t a fantasy, sir. I mean,
he actually bought the case of champagne.

Yes, I hear you, sir.
I just wish I hadn’t.

Well, I appreciate that, sir.
Once again, thank you for the time.

I’m sorry, sir, just one more thing.

You said that your nephew was planning
on coming to your party?

Yes, Sir.

And he called you to say he was
gonna be a little late?

- That’s right.
- And that was a costume party?

Well, sure. You were there.

Had you told your nephew that?

Say what?

Did Mr. Brower know that your Halloween party
was a costume party?

Oh, I’m sure he did. Why?

Well, it’s probably nothing, sir.
I’m just tryin’ to understand why,

if he was planning on coming to your
costume party, why he didn’t have a costume.

He didn’t?

In his studio, sir, on the night of his death,
no costume.

You sure about that?

Oh, quite sure, sir.
I even went back after the funeral,

they were having a wake there,
and I searched again, and no costume.

Since it was Freddy,
doesn’t surprise me.

See, costumes cost money,
and he was an imaginative boy.

I suppose Freddy was just gonna wear
some of his old clothes,

and come as an eccentric billionaire,
like Howard Hughes.

They say old Howard never wore anything fancy.

You remember at our party,
how everybody thought you were in costume?

- Well, you were wearing your own clothes.
- Well, that’s a good point, sir.

- Yes, Sir.
- A damn good point.

And that would explain it. Much obliged.

My pleasure.

Kiss.

What does a grateful woman
buy a gracious jeweler for a gift?

Anything in the store at half price.

My dear,

I think this afternoon will have to
hold us for a while.

You’re not serious.

Your cute little busybody, Lieutenant Columbo,

is still snoopin’ around here and there,
lookin’ for God knows what.

And for a while, I suggest we try to
keep our distance from one another.

Well, how long are you talking about?

A day? A week? Longer?

Long enough to come out of this
alive and free.

We’ve got to exercise
discipline a little bit.

Discipline.

Yeah.

You’ve got 24 million dollars, Leon,
after taxes.

Half is mine.

I want it.

All in good time.

But somehow, I don’t think it’d look right...

for the Widow Brower’s bank account
to suddenly swell to 12 million.

Do you?

In the meantime,

I’m sure you know that your share
is completely safe with me.

Come on. Come on, now.

Good evening, ma’am.

Do you have a moment?

Can I get you something
to drink, Lieutenant?

- No, I’m fine, ma’am.
- Diet soda? Mineral water?

No. One quick question.

Do you want to sit down?

It’s about your divorce.

Mmm-hmm?

You remember when we first met,
it was in the lingerie shop.

You were tellin’ me about your marriage,

and how for six months you’d been
goin’ through a difficult divorce,

and because of that
you couldn’t honestly say...

that you were feeling any deep sense
of loss over Freddy’s passing.

That you really wanted
that marriage to be over.

It was true.

I don’t doubt that for a minute, ma’am.
That’s what’s bothering me.

What?

Why didn’t you sign the divorce decree?

Honestly?

I didn’t like the communal debt clause.

The communal debt clause?

But your husband’s attorney told me that...

Mr. Brower signed and mailed a copy
of the final decree...

on October 2nd, and he had eliminated
the communal debt clause.

And your attorney told me...

that you got a copy of that document
on October 4th, almost a month ago,

and you never signed it.

I see.

Well, yes, I suppose that does need to
be explained, doesn’t it, Lieutenant?

Have you ever gone through a divorce, Lieutenant?

Heaven forbid.

Well, I hope for your sake you never do.

All that tough talk, Lieutenant,

fades like a blush when all of a sudden
the doorbell rings...

and somebody hands you this very imposing
legal document called final decree.

And there’s your soon-to-be-ex-mate’s
Signature already in place.

And the only thing that’s missing,

the only thing that keeps the door
from closing on a chapter in your life,

which you personally, royally played
your part in blowing all to hell,

is your own John Hancock.

Well, let me tell you, Lieutenant,

it gives one pause.

I didn’t sign the final decree,
Lieutenant, because...

I couldn’t bring myself to admit...

that what was being granted
was what I actually wanted.

It’s funny how we often
learn things about ourselves...

much too late to change them.

Oh, Freddy.

Hello?

Hello.

Are you insane?
I asked you never to call me at home.

Now, you should direct this call
to the office.

I’m still your ex-niece in law, Leon.

I don’t think speaking to each other
is a criminal offense.

What iS so important you had to call me here?

Why are you listening to that terrible music?

Come to the point, please.

Your friend, the Lieutenant, called me today.

What about?

The final decree.

I don’t understand. What’re you gettin’ at?

Freddy, the miserable back-stabbing louse,

changed the divorce papers
the way I’d wanted them,

and signed them the same day he won
the lottery, October 2nd.

They were sent to me two days later.

And you signed them?

I couldn’t, Leon.
If I did, we’d be divorced,

and then he wouldn’t have needed you, darling.

But what did you tell Columbo?

I was brilliant, Leon.
Probably even better than you.

I told him that when I saw the final decree,

I broke down.
I got all weepy and sentimental...

and just couldn’t bring myself to
Sign on that dotted line...

because deep down inside I was probably
still in love with Freddy...

and didn’t really want the marriage to end.

You think he bought that bowl of mush?

I think I almost had him in tears.
He’s coming up on his 25th wedding anniversary.

This is a man that understands love, Leon.

Maybe.

But, Leon,

couldn’t I just have a couple of million?

Night, hon.

For he’s a jolly good fellow

For he’s a jolly good fellow

For he’s a jolly good fellow!

Which nobody can deny

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Been up to the river lately, Mr. Lamarr?

Hey, Joe, I’ve been tryin’ to get up there
to do a little fishin’,

but what’s sufferin’ is my golf game.

Happy birthday, Mr. Lamarr!

Well, Lieutenant. It’s not my birthday.

This is an unexpected thank you
from my staff, and I appreciate it.

And this year we’re gonna have
our Christmas bonus early.

You deserve it.
And I’m proud to give it to you.

How often do you get to work
for a $30 million lottery winner...

as nice as Mr. Lamarr?

Thank you, sugar. That’s sweet.

This is for you, sir, it’s a souvenir.

Oh. Thank you very much.

That’s the winning number.

Yeah, it’s right here on the cake, too.

Well, I gotta tell you a story.

This is the damnedest thing
that ever happened to me.

I’1l never forget it as long as I live,
and you’re gonna find it interesting.

I was over at Freddy’s,

his friends were over there,
they were having a wake and...

Do you mind holding this, sir?

And they suddenly wanted to take a picture,
and they handed me Freddy’s camera.

And I’m fooling with this thing here,
and suddenly...

I couldn’t believe it.

Sir, see if you see what I saw.

Do you see it, sir?

No?

Look in this area here.

No? Nothing? Okay.

If you cover up these two,
and if you read from the right,

4, 5, 6, 8, 11, 16.

The first six numbers,
they’re the winning lottery number.

That’s right. So?

Well, you can imagine my shock,

when I looked down at Freddy’s camera
and I saw the winning lottery ticket.

I mean, it was like somethin’
that happened in a dream.

What is that? Was that a coincidence?
Is that what it was?

Well, it’s not a coincidence, because
I gave this camera to Freddy years ago.

I taught him how to use it.

I make pretty damn good pictures myself.
I’1l show ’em to you sometime.

As far as these numbers go,
they’re second nature to me...

Sir, what you said before,
I believe that was right.

It was no coincidence.

We’re closed, sir. Sorry.
Come back another time.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

Is Miss Brower still there?

Somebody for you, sweetie.

But you still have time
to duck out the back if you want.

Mrs. Brower, may I talk to you?
It’s very important.

I better see what he wants.

- See you in the morning.
- Okay. Bye-bye.

Thank you, ma’am.

I have some very unsettling news,

and I’m afraid I don’t know
any delicate way to approach it.

What news, Lieutenant?

It’s about your husband.

Well, what is it, Lieutenant?
I don’t understand.

I mean, what could be worse than
the news that he was dead?

The fact that he was murdered.

Are you all right?

Yes.

Would it be better if you sat down?

No, I’m fine.

I mean, it was just such a shock
hearing you say that.

I mean, Freddy murdered?

Why would anybody want to murder Freddy?

That’s a very interesting question, isn’t it?

We have $9,000.
Would someone offer 10,000?

Ten thousand on my right,

bid on the lovely turn-of-the-century
ruby brooch.

Will someone make it 11?

Eleven thousand. Is 12 offered?

Twelve, anyone? No?

Going once for 11, going twice,
and sold for $11,000.

The next item is number 19 in the catalog.

An heirloom 40 karat diamond necklace
of exceptional quality.

We shall entertain
an opening bid of $300,000.

I have $300,000 on my right.

$300,000 is the bid.
I’m looking for 350.

I’m looking for 350, do I see 350?

I have 350 as bid, by the man in the aisle.
I’m looking for $400,000.

May I have $400,000?

I have $400,000 on my right.

The bid is $400,000.
I’m looking for 450.

May I have a bid of four...

I have $450,000 from the gentleman
in the raincoat.

You’re not bidding, are you?
He’s not bidding. Were you bidding?

- Bidding?
- He wasn’t bidding.

Were you bidding, sir?

Bidding? No, I was...

Please, sir, you mustn’t wave your catalog.
Now, please, sit down.

Ladies and gentlemen,
let me repeat once again.

Please, unless you intend
to make a bid, I beg of you...

Gee, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.

Please.

And now to item number 20.
Earrings of a most unusual nature.

How far am I goin’ on this one?

Up to 800,000.

I didn’t know.

It does create confusion.

Oh, I can see that.
That’s why I don’t go to these places.

You know, my wife, she bid $80
for a footstool,

it was made out of coffee cans.
Can you imagine that?

No. I can’t.

She bids $500,000. Do I hear 550?

$650,000 dollars.

Silent bids, please, Mr. Lamarr.

Does anyone care to respond?
I’m looking for $700,000.

No?

Going once, going twice,
sold to Mr. Leon Lamarr.

Nicely done.

Thank you, ma’am.

Bravo, bravo.

Very kind of you, sir.

Congratulations, sir.
I’m glad you got what you wanted.

Is it so important
what you came here for?

Oh, it’s very important, sir.

I called your office.
They told me you were here.

I’1l have to thank ’em for that.

Well, they said I could have left
a message, but...

Right.

Well, sir, it was too... Too personal.

- It has to do with your nephew.
- Mmm-hmm.

Sir, there’s reason to believe
that your nephew’s death was not accidental.

- In fact, there is reason to...
- Just a moment.

Jody.

Was I bidding on this?

No, sir. This is 1-4-6-9.
You said you were lukewarm on it.

Yeah, I remember.

Now, what was it that you were saying that
it wasn’t an accident?

I don’t think so, sir.
I think it was...

Do you want to know what I think?
Hold your hat.

I think it was murder.

Murder? What the hell
are you talkin’ about, man?

What in heaven’s...

All done? Going once, going twice...

Come on, let’s go.

And now item number 21 in your catalog.

The beautiful Oriental jade pendants...

set in pure platinum,
with 22 karat gold filigree.

I’1l entertain an opening bid
of $100,000.

Jack.

What are you sayin’, murder?
Who would want to murder Freddy?

What did he ever do to anyone?

You said he slipped
and fell in his bathtub.

Now, how all of a sudden
does that turn into murder?

I don’t think he slipped, sir,
I think he was placed.

Well, what is that supposed to mean?

Well, what it means is that whoever killed him,
they first knocked him unconscious...

Detective Stroller, Mr. Leon Lamarr.

- How do you do, sir?
- How are you?

I mean, whoever killed him...

knocked him unconscious first,
then they undressed him.

Jack, you don’t have to stand there
holdin’ that. Put it down there.

Whoever killed him, sir,
they knocked him unconscious first,

then they undressed him,
then they dropped him into the tub.

How do you even come up
with an idea like that?

I mean, you have anything to substantiate it,
to establish such a horror story?

You mean, in a courtroom, sir?

No, I don’t mean in a courtroom.
I mean, right here, now, to me.

Where were you, Sir,
on the night that Freddy died?

I don’t know what this is leading to,
but I don’t think I like the sound of it.

Well, I would appreciate an answer.

Well, you know the answer.
Why are you asking the question?

No, I don’t know the answer.

Well, what are you trying to do?
Irritate me on purpose?

- Is that it?
- No, no. No, not at all.

Cut the bull here, please!

Mr. Lamarr, sir,

on the night Freddy died,
you were at your house.

I know that, yes. I saw you there.

Exactly.

But that was after 9:00.
I don’t know where you were at 7:00.

Oh, I... I see, Lieutenant.
Well, at any o’clock I was home.

- Home all night?
- The whole night.

At your party. Wearin’ a costume.

- You weren’t.
- No, sir.

I was wearing my suit.

People thought it was a costume.

Yes, sir. That thing you were wearing,
was that an English king, sir?

It was King George. You know that.
Don’t you remember? Boston Tea Party.

Boston Tea Party, yeah, that rings a bell.

King George. Yeah, I remember now.
King George.

Was this the costume you were wearing, sir?

Is there any significance
to these questions? Because...

I’d appreciate it if you would identify it, sir.
Is this the actual jacket?

Well, hell, I don’t know.
Let’s take a look.

Same material.

- Yeah, same color...
- Size 44?

Forty-four. Right.

Looks like it would fit.

Yes, that’s the jacket. Yes.

And the pants, sir?

Yes, the pants. Yes.

And the socks? Well, you couldn’t be sure
about the socks, could you?

- No.
- And the shoes?

Couldn’t be sure, no.

Couldn’t be sure, no.
Well, like the socks.

And this thing here, sir, is this something
you wear around your neck?

That is a medallion,
and it is worn around the neck.

Okay.

Okay, sir, we’re almost finished.

I just gotta show you a couple of
photographs that your nephew took.

You’11 be surprised.
He was a pretty good photographer.

Well, I’m not surprised, sir.
I said he was very talented.

Yes, Sir.

Does anything strike you in these, sir?

Well, there’s a chimpanzee
right there, in all the photos.

- Yeah, he’s a friendly guy, isn’t he?
- Yes, sir.

Likes people. Was this taken at Freddy’s studio,
do you think?

Well, it’s hard to tell.
There’s no background.

Well, in this one
there’s photos on the wall.

I’m not positive, I’d say
that’s Freddy’s studio.

When was the last time you were there, sir?

I don’t remember.

Now, that is a lie.

A what?

Jack?

You got it, Jack?

Got it.

That’s a blow-up of a fingerprint...

that was made at Freddy’s studio.
And I’m afraid, sir...

It places you there on the night of his death.

I’m afraid you’re a fool, Lieutenant.
I’ve been to Freddy’s many times.

I’m not surprised you found
my fingerprint there.

But I am surprised you’d try to use that print
to place me there the night of his death.

Where’d you get that idea,
about the fingerprint?

That’s not your fingerprint.

That’s the chimp’s.

And I didn’t find that fingerprint
on Freddy’s doorknob,

and I didn’t find it on his refrigerator,
and I didn’t find it on the sink.

But on this medallion,
which was hangin’ around your neck.

We know the chimp was in the studio
on the night of the murder.

Now we know you were there.

Two things that did you in, sir.

This badge,

and those photographs.

Here the chimp’s goin’
for a lady’s bracelet.

And here, he’s got
a man’s cigarette case.

And here, he’s going
for the lady’s earrings.

And on the night of the investigation,
he was grabbin’ this badge.

What do these things have in common?

They’re all shiny and they’re all metal.

Just like this medallion.

Hello, Leon.

What are you doin’ here, Nancy?

Oh, Mrs. Brower.
Well, thank you for coming.

I want to thank you for your cooperation.

Cooperation, huh?

I hope it hasn’t been too unpleasant for you.

I was told you have
something to tell me, Lieutenant?

Well, like all those jokes, ma’am,
there’s good news and bad news.

Which do you want first?

Well, I guess the bad news.

Well, the bad news, ma’am,

is that Mr. Lamarr here is gonna be
arrested for the murder of your husband.

Oh, my God. Leon, how could you?

Ha!

And what’s the good news?

That you’ve just inherited
the better part of $24 million after taxes.

What?

It wasn’t Mr. Lamarr who won the lottery,
it was your late husband.

And even though you were in the process
of getting a divorce,

you were still legally married
at the time of the drawing.

I get the money?

All of it.

All of those millions.

It’1l be a cold day in hell.

Leon!

You lyin’ treacherous bitch.
You sold old Leon out, didn’t you?

You want to see some cooperation, girl,
I’m gonna show you some cooperation.

Who do you think it was pretended to be Freddy
calling me from the studio that night?

- Leon!
- His own darlin’ wife.

His dear, sweet widow here,
trying to scratch my eyes out.

You wish I was as dead
as Freddy, don’t you?

You know how much I hate you, Leon?

I hate you more than your wife is gonna
hate you! That’s how much I hate you!

- All right, book ’em.
- Oh, Leon, you...

Both of ’em.

Leon! Oh, I’m gonna get you!

- I’m gonna get you if...
- First degree murder.

Get your hands off me! Leon!

Leon!

Good night.

You know, Jack, I was thinkin’ about
my wife’s anniversary gift.

She got enough jewelry.

She got two ears,
how many earrings can she wear?

What we need to do is
spend more time together.

You know, just the two of us.
I’m gonna take her on a trip.

Oh, that’s nice.
Gettin’ away on a cruise ship.

No, I wasn’t thinkin’ about a cruise.

I was thinkin’ more like
campin’ out in the woods,

goin’ fishin’, cookin’ over a campfire.
How’s that sound?

To me, great.

Are you sure your wife
likes that kind of stuff?

My wife would rather get dressed
and go out dancin’.

You know, on second thought,

maybe I ought to have
her old car repainted.

Jack, it’s 25 years.
I ought to do somethin’ special.

Your car or her car?

I didn’t hear that.