All language subtitles for The.Golden.Spurtle.2025.1080p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.GG - YTS.BZ].en

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(Whooshing,
Bass drone builds)

(Dog barks)

(Water rushes)

(Resonant thud,
Rain patters)

(Martial beat)

(Bird caws)

(Percussion builds)

(Twinkling note,
Music builds)

On my 60th birthday,
I had occasion to visit Copenhagen

and I went into a museum
dedicated to the work

of a man known as
Robert Storm Peterson.

Robert Peterson
was a 20th century cartoonist,

film-maker, journalist, storyteller.

And one of the paintings in the
museum was called The Rat Race.

And it's a picture of thousands
of people

heading off into the factories,

but one guy,
just one guy's escaped from it all

and is walking off to the side.

The day I saw that, I thought,
"I'm going to buy that

"and the day I retire,
I'm going to hang it on my wall."

I was that guy that was
escaping from the rat race

and I knew that one day
my turn would come

and no more getting up
at five o'clock in the morning,

catching a flight all over Europe.

I'd be able to lie long
and sleep late and...

- (He sighs)
- ..how I

looked forward to those days.

(Spirited instrumental music)

(Music continues)

(Music builds)

(Machine whirs;
Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Music crescendos)

(Music concludes;
Porridge bubbles)

(Bubbling continues)

(Toby) Katsu! Come on.

Katsu! C'mon, buddy.

Katsu.

Come here, buddy.

This is Katsu.

He's my, uh...

my reason for, uh... for being.

One night on the internet,
maybe eight or so years ago,

I'd seen a chef that had won
the World Championships of Pesto

and I thought it was pretty funny

and I was looking for my version
of that.

And in the morning
I made myself a bowl of porridge

and I just wondered if there was
a World Championships of Porridge.

Uh, googled it and, um...

found the Golden Spurtle.

Thought, "Should I go?

"How much is it going
to cost me to get there,

"from the other side of the world?

"Is my porridge good enough?
Do I know enough?"

And then it just wouldn't
leave me alone

and, over the next eight years,

every time I made
a bowl of porridge,

I just had this little...
little bell in my ear, just...

- (Bell dings)
- .. "Go to Scotland."

(Lively violin music)

(Music continues)

(Vehicle approaches)

(Music continues, concludes)

Hi, welcome to
Carrbridge Village Hall.

Let me show you around.

(Playful instrumental music)

This is the Bridge of Carr.

It's also known as
the Packhorse Bridge

and it's also known as
the Coffin Bridge,

because it takes you
to the cemetery.

Carrbridge is lucky because
it's totally surrounded by woodland.

And this particular one
is a community wood

and because of that,
it can't be built on.

(He shouts)
This is Carrbridge Railway Station.

To the north, we have Inverness.

To the south, Glasgow and Edinburgh

and then onto London
and the continent of Europe.

For a small village,
we're very well connected.

Well, this is the Cairn Hotel.

As well as being a hotel,
it's the local pub.

This is my house.

This is Carrbridge Cemetery,
on the edge of the village.

Because there's no crematoria,

this is where most people end up.

(Music continues)

(Music concludes)

(Engine starts)

(Engine stops)

OK.

Right.

Want me to start?

Right. I'm Barbara Kuwall.

Um, I've been involved
with the porridge

since the beginning.

And I've been washing the dishes,

or helping wash the dishes,
for about 25 years.

This bowl was presented to me

on the 21st anniversary
of the porridge competition.

It was presented
by the community council

and the porridge committee

for my services to washing up.

(She laughs)

(Alison) Now that's one
that probably should

have increased in value with age.

- The rest of them are shite.
- (She sighs)

So this pot,

it took about eight firings
altogether.

That with the price
of electricity going up,

that makes it an expensive pot.

That is from
a very famous Norwegian story

about a princess on a bear.

Strong, powerful woman, right?

(She chuckles, sighs)

We have our village of dreamers.

We have our village of characters.

And...

(Cuckoo clock chimes)

That's my cuckoo clock!

(Chiming continues)

(Music box melody plays)

I tell you what
I used to dream a lot about.

Not so much nowadays.

Flying.

If you know the old Superman movies,

where he goes... like that,

I used to dream about that
an awful lot at one time.

Well, I'm quite proud of the fact

that I've got a street
named after me.

I was a member of the
community council at the time,

was looking for an idea
to promote the village

after the summer season and what
have you.

And I was out walking the dog
in the woods,

thinking of what we could do,

and the idea of other villages

having events to put them
on the map,

and I thought,
"What can Carrbridge do?"

And it just came to me -
the porridge.

The, er...

epitome of Scottish food.

Can you make a competition
out of making porridge?

Why is there no monument
to porridge in our land?

If it's good enough to eat,
it's good enough to stand

On a plinth in London,
a statue we should see

Signed, "Porridge made in Scotland,"

"Oatmeal, OBE."

I'd just like to mention
that I cook mine,

porridge, the Scottish way,
which is with water.

(Playful instrumental music)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

Well, this is a replica
of the village hall

where the Golden Spurtle is held.

The first thing is that the judges
assemble in a little room,

just off the main arena.

The contestants will work
on six work stations

and these work stations
will be powered by gas burners.

Whisky guru Martyn O'Reilly,

he also takes up position
inside the contestants' area,

and from there does his
whisky tasting.

The audience will take their seats
in this section here.

Various stewards around the place
keep the crowd under control

and make sure passageways,
fire exits are all kept clear.

Some of the public

may well be looking in the window
to see what's going on.

Because usually
the hall's so crowded.

And then somewhere in the middle...

we have me.

(Director) How hard is it to
clean up a pan of sticky porridge?

If they've got non-stick pans,
it's not bad.

But some pans are really bad and
we've got to soak them for a while.

(Martyn) We all agree
that's the most important job.

Glad I wasn't doing it,
that's for sure.

(He chuckles)

We've got to be very careful
that there's a finite,

you know, volunteer resource.

And the village hall
is a finite size.

And as I say, we've got to keep it
really enjoyable, but safe.

The rules are under
constant review and

we take feedback
from the contestants,

particularly the ones

who are worried about
a particular ingredient

or a particular process.

And an example there would be

one guy brought along
a deep fat fryer one year.

And, apart from being dangerous,
it was...

crazy.

(Vehicle approaches;
Music concludes)

(Lively, indistinct conversation;
Organ music plays)

(Music continues)

- (Music stops)
- Come, let

us bow down and worship Him.

Let us kneel before the Lord,
our maker.

He is our God.

We are the people He cares for -

the flock for which He provides.

So reads God's word.

(Automated voice) 'To do that,
you'll need to be online.'

(Laughter)

Goodbye.

Shall we pray
and at the end of that prayer,

shall we say the Lord's Prayer
together?

Father God, we do thank you that
you brought us here this morning.

Father, we thank you
that our church is still open

when so many are closing.

Father, we pray
that it's an open church

that people can come
into any time of the day.

And, Father, we pray that each one
of us here this morning might know

that we have been with Jesus
this morning.

- (Organ music plays)
- (All) Amen.

(Lively, indistinct chatter;
Music continues)

(In English)
Will I sing the national anthem now?

- (Woman) Yes!
- (Overlapping chatter)

(Lively violin music)

(Jeremy) I have heard
of the Golden Spurtle,

but I wouldn't dream of entering.

In fact, I'd probably get
the booby prize.

(Neal) Medium oatmeal
soaked overnight,

and the salt goes in
at the very end.

That's all there is to it.

So, this is my alternative gym,

where I do
quite a lot of exercising -

top of the hill in Pilrig Park.

I do a lot of body weight exercises.

You can actually do
a press up against a tree.

Don't know if you've ever tried it.
It's quite nice.

My mother-in-law, once a week,
she made a great big pot of porridge

put it in a lined drawer,

and then every morning just cut out
a square for the porridge.

And that was how it was done,
long ago.

- (Music continues)
- Coco is nearly ten years old now,

and dog porridge
is part of her regular diet,

shall we say, as well as oily fish.

And she loves kale and she loves
carrot, and she loves cheese.

(Music continues)

(Adam) I heard about the competition
through a news article

where a guy called Toby
was travelling over from Australia

to compete
in the World Porridge Championship.

And me and my friend James
were already really into porridge.

So we kind of lost our minds

and once we had picked ourselves
up off the floor, we applied.

And that was that.

- Hi, I'm Kellie.
- I'm Alison.

(Both) And we're competing
in the Golden Spurtle.

Hi, I'm Tracy Griffen
and this is Coco

and we're competing
in the Golden Spurtle this year.

(Music continues)

I'm Adam Kiani and I'm competing
at this year's Golden Spurtle.

(Music concludes)

(Charlie) What we're going to do now
is make a spurtle.

And what I tend to use is these
pre-cut lengths of beechwood.

In a good year, I'll make about 400

and it's a revenue stream for
the Porridge Championship itself.

So this particular tool
is a parting tool,

and it's the simplest of all
the turning tools that we use.

And what I've done now
is cut out the head of the spurtle,

which, when I'm finished, will

represent a thistle
in a stylised form.

We take a wire, piano wire,

and we mark some decoration lines
on it.

This is just to break it up
and to give it a bit of eye appeal.

We give it a very light sanding.

Just to make sure
that there's nothing sticking out

that could do any damage.

And all my spurtles
are dishwasher friendly.

And that's it - one spurtle.

I use a spurtle to make my own

porridge, and it's
really, really good.

It's much better
than using a wooden spoon.

I don't know why, because a
wooden spoon's, like, bigger

and you'd think
that the extra amount of wood

would make better porridge,
but it doesn't.

So you have to stir your porridge

with a spurtle, specially made.

And you stir it clockwise,

otherwise you let the devil in.

(Charlie) I was in a fairly
stressful job when I worked

and my wife bought me this lathe.

And when I come home from work
and you know that way

when you're all jangly
and the nerves are playing upon you.

And I'd spend half an hour
just turning any old piece of wood.

So it causes you to relax

and it's still very much
that type of process.

If you do more
than about a dozen at a time,

it can get very boring.

So I've got
my little television in the corner

to keep me sane.

I talk to the television,
it talks to me.

And, at the moment, we've got...

Harry Potter And The Goblet
Of Fire, that one is,

and him and I have become
very good friends over the years.

(Lively piano music)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

So I went over last year,
my debut competition...

..and I managed
to squeeze through the heat

and make it into the top six in
the finals

where I was ousted by Lisa Williams,

who's the two-time, now,
World Champion.

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Charlie) 'Lisa Williams
'first won the competition in 2019,

'and this year she's back
as the defending champion.'

(Director) But she's also feared,
because she's so good?

Well, she's a woman who all
the other contestants aspire to.

'She's got a recipe all of her own,

'but it's so hard to be jealous
of her when she's so nice.'

(Music continues)

(Music halts)

(Lisa) So I learned to cook
with my mum.

She made the best pastry,
the best cakes

and she was a very simple cook.

So this is my porridge cabinet.

I started off with a porridge shelf
and I've now got three shelves

full of all my porridge treasures.

And this is the Golden Spurtle.

It's a spurtle and it's golden

and it's got everybody's names
around the base.

This travels around the world.

And he's got his own
little suitcase.

So I don't know where
he's going to go off to next.

We've been lucky to have him
in Suffolk.

You can see, on the end,
he's got a rather beautiful amethyst

and you only really see
that amethyst

when you're holding him.

(Director) D'you wanna come in,
Steve?

Yeah! How do you want me to...
Just walk in now?

- (Director) I think so.
- Yeah, OK!

Steve actually cooks the porridge,
our porridge, for breakfast.

And that's quite a thought,
if you think about it.

You're cooking for a world champion

and you are hoping that every week
you're doing it right.

- But so far no complaints.
- (He chuckles)

And we do eat a lot of porridge.

We do. Most mornings,
we have porridge for breakfast.

Yeah.

(Director)
What helps you last for 20 years?

- Sense of humour.
- Yes.

- Sense of tolerance, for sure.
- Yeah!

Well, yeah, I mean, I...

- This is my second marriage.
- Yeah, my second.

I think you learn lessons.

Mistakes that you make
in your first marriage,

you kind of put right
in your second one.

- 20 years later.
- Still kept.

- He's still kept.
- (They chuckle)

(Playful instrumental music)

(Nick) I've known Lisa now
for a number of years

and she's obviously
got a magic touch

with the traditional
porridge pan.

Well, I don't know Nick Barnard
too well.

Nick's been in the competition
for quite a few years.

He's in it to win it.

In a traditional trophy,
you have very clear parameters.

You've got water, oatmeal and salt.

And how you combine those
to create a moreish bowl of porridge

is more or less magic.

(Director) So if you wouldn't mind
looking to camera for us.

Mm-hm.

It would be wrong of me to say
that I'm not burning with desire

to win the Golden Spurtle.

Ten years in
and having been in the final

probably six or seven times now,

it's always a surprise to me
that they don't consider my bowl

as being the finest example
of traditional Scottish porridge.

(Director) Why do you think
Nick Barnard

hasn't won the Golden Spurtle?

I think it's nothing more sinister

than the fact that the judges
preferred somebody else.

'He will conform to the rules,

'but he'll conform to the rules
in his manner.'

- And that's fine...
- (Music stops)

..as long as he does
what everybody else is doing.

(Urgent percussion)

Hi, I am Neil Mugg
and I am the Head Judge

at the World Porridge Championships.

The traditional porridge
is judged by three criteria -

taste, colour and texture.

20 marks are awarded for taste,

five marks are awarded
for each colour and texture

and that makes up 30 marks in total.

The most perfect rounded bowl
of porridge

is a marriage
of all these three things together.

(Percussion continues)

The day's broken down into heats

whereby the competitors have
30 minutes to cook their porridge.

The porridge is then
judged anonymously

and then the six highest scoring
throughout all the heats

are then invited to cook
in the final competition.

I think the philosophy
is kind of developing day-by-day,

but the main thing I try to focus on
is to let the oats sing.

I feel like they need to be heard
in whichever porridge I'm making.

I never want to drown it
with too many ingredients.

I think the star of the show

should always be
the porridge itself.

(Percussion continues, stops)

(Lisa) I'll just light this up.

In here, I've got one cup
of oatmeal,

one cup of pinhead oatmeal,
on a fairly high heat.

I'm gonna bring it up to the boil.
It'll all of a sudden change.

And this wateriness will go
and it will start blooping

and you can hear it.

And when you hear it
making that bloop-bloop-bloop noise,

then that's when I start timing it.

(Spirited piano music)

Don't know if you can hear that.

(Music continues)

(Toby) Having watched Lisa
last year, really, like,

slowly let her oats do the talking,

I've recently changed my technique.

I was a big, big stirrer,
until maybe a week ago.

I'm just letting the oats
do their thing.

Hopefully this is the key
to success.

(Porridge bubbles, music continues)

This is the bit in the competition

where everything's
getting a little bit tense.

And the judges say
that they're looking for a porridge

that isn't too runny,
but equally it isn't a hockey puck.

(Toby) They say you must
stir clockwise,

to keep the evil spirits at bay.

I do it just in case.

So into this,
I'm now going to add my salt.

(Music continues)

(Toby) I'm pretty generous
with the salt.

(Music continues)

(Music halts, porridge bubbles)

Right, I think that's good to go.

So this is pretty much
where I like it.

It feels more...

..almost like a risotto, where
you've got those little bits of rice

kind of floating
in a kind of creamy sauce.

We can have traditional cream...

..with a little bit of sugar.

You can either have sugar,
or you can have Steve's favourite.

He has golden syrup on his.

(Martial beat)

When God was making the world,

he came to the part
when he was making Scotland.

And as he was doing it,
the angel Gabriel came up to him

and said, "Eh, what you doing now,
God?"

And God said, "Well,
I'm making Scotland in a minute."

And Gabriel said,
"Hm, do you think it's fair?"

(Music builds)

And God said,
"What do you mean, fair?

"What's not fair about it?"

He says, "Well, you've given these
people a beautiful country,

"probably the best you've ever made,

"and the people
in the country are intelligent

"and I see from their timeline
that they're going to be inventing

"some of the greatest inventions
ever known to man.

"Do you really think that's fair?"

And God says,
"Oh, don't worry about it, Gabriel.

"I'm going to even it up.

"Wait till you see
who they're getting as neighbours."

(Music continues)

My name's James Ross. I live
in Carrbridge, in the Highlands.

As you can see from behind,

the Highlands have been around
for a long, long time,

and there's even been porridge
or oats

found in the Neolithic period
in the Highlands.

(Music continues)

Examine the drop.

It's good, good viscosity,

you know, it's not sticking
to the spoon.

(Music halts)

That's... That's what you want.

(Nick) 'Porridge is
the ancestral convenience food.'

It's easy to make and can be
delivered in large quantities.

So there I was at boarding school
being served this grey slop,

which, of course, flavours
and taints your understanding

of how porridge can deliver flavour.

So porridge does have
quite a strong negative connotation

and that's what we're here to dispel
at the World Porridge Championship.

- (Director) Did you enjoy school?
- School was amazing.

(Door creaks)

(Charlie) A big, big team of people,

probably as much as 10%
of the village

is involved in creating
Porridge Day.

The way the organisation
is structured

is there is a chairman,
or a chieftain.

The chieftain's role
is to manage the committee.

And the organising committee
consists of about a dozen people.

One, two, three, four, five,
and so on and so on.

And if any one of the committee
members

is short a resource
or a piece of information,

or indeed a bit of finance,
it's the chieftain's job

to make sure that they get it.

And that essentially is how
the organising committee works.

It's done very much
on formal project management lines.

Right, guys, thanks for coming over.

This is probably the last meeting
before we have the event itself.

So I just want to make sure
that everything's OK

and that there's no gaps to fill,
nothing we need to worry about.

If we go on to press and PR,
Alan, please.

OK, obviously,
we're fast approaching the event,

which is starting to see
a lot more activity

on social channels.

#HealthyFoods, #FoodLovers, Oats

#Scotland, #Carrbridge, of course.

But number one,
right across the board,

is #GoldenSpurtle.

My name is Jane Weston
and they call me the Raffle Queen.

(She laughs)

Family and friends
are hearing it on their radio.

And then the chap Bob from America,

when he won,
it was up in Times Square.

The one thing I don't understand

is how are we able to stream
to Facebook

when we've get no Wi-Fi in the hall?
- (Alan) Well...

- How does that work?
- (Alan) ..this comes with...

The AV company is one unit
that will be doing the filming,

but we also have a sat dish
coming in

that will connect us
and provide the Wi-Fi.

Oh, that's posh!
Oh, very good, yeah.

(Alan) It was actually how it was
done last year, I saw the guys.

- It's like a temporary...
- How much is that costing me?

- (Alan) I don't know. I think...
- Don't ask.

(They laugh)

(Alan) The budget is tight,
Charlie, as you know.

- Aye, OK.
- (Alan) But we'll get by.

Need to sell more spurtles.

Bob.

Heather, have you ironed
all the flags?

I have, but I would need to discuss
some of those flags with you.

(Charlie) Why, are they wrong?

- Well, Ulster?
- (Charlie) Aye!

You have to do your inventory
early on.

What you've got left in stock,
how much do you think you'll need.

- Have we got an Ulsterian in?
- Yes, yes.

(Heather) Do we?

And it's not Ulster, by the way,
it's Northern Ireland.

Martyn, the whisky.

- This bell has travelled all over.
- (Bell dings)

There we are.

There we are.

Last orders. There we are.

- Bedtime.
- (He chuckles)

(Martyn) 'My father is Irish.

'The Irish talk a lot, you know.'

But, most definitely, um,

I'm also quite used
to working a crowd.

(He chuckles)

I like cocktail parties
where I don't know anybody,

you know, sort of cruise in.

One joke I find very useful is where
the husband says to his wife,

"Darling, darling, will you
still love me if I'm poor?"

And she says, "Darling, of
course I'll love you if you're poor.

- "But I'll miss you."
- (He laughs)

(Bob) One other thing,
which is actually...

you might not have looked, but
the weather forecast for Saturday...

- (Anne) I know.
- (Bob) ..is atrocious.

(Anne) Should we have some
big umbrellas?

That's what I was saying, if we
could we all bring an umbrella.

- (Charlie) I don't own an umbrella.
- Do you not? Oh, dear.

(Fiona) Once you get umbrellas,

you're losing the visual thing
as well.

(Jane) You know something?
When I 'die...

this is going on the top
of the coffin.

And the minister is going to say,

"You can all relax, she's
taken her raffle tickets with her!"

(She laughs,
Urgent instrumental music)

You've got to have a bit of a laugh!

(Music continues)

(Ian) This is two bikes
that I built.

I used to cycle over to Sweden
on this.

(He laughs)

(Alison) 'The only famous
'porridge-making person I know

'is Ian Bishop.'

He's mad as a march hare.

(Director) A coffee or a cup of tea?
- I've had one.

I'm looking forward
to competing alongside him.

He's a historical figure.

I was a bit nervous
when I heard Ian was coming back,

because he's a previous winner.

He hasn't competed
since I've been competing.

I've always felt he
should be a judge,

because his experience and wisdom

stands him head and shoulders
above all of us,

in terms of his knowledge
of what constitutes

really good,
traditional Scottish porridge.

(Music continues,
He toots horn)

He's a man of mystery, in many
respects.

I don't keep well,

Charlie doesn't keep well
and we share our faults.

As far as I remember,
Ian's house is fed by a borehole,

right from the depths of the earth.

So I suspect the water he might
bring

will have a flavour all
of its own.

(Music concludes)

(Director) What's changed your mind
to pick up the spurtle again?

Well, what changed my mind was
one of the boys down in the village.

"Ian, you've got to come back.
We've got too many visitors.

"You've gotta come back and just
show them how to make porridge."

Three ingredients.

Doesn't take a lot of effort, so...

(Director) What oats
will you be using?

Why would I want to tell you?

Other people would get to know.

(Charlie) I remember
the first time I came into this hall

and we saw crowds of people
passing our house

and we saw a pipe band
passing the house,

and it was a case of,
"Where are they going?"

And we came up
and we stood at that doorway there

and we couldn't believe
how many people were in here.

It was like a sardine can.

And, eh...

when we first saw it empty,

we realised what a difference
there was.

But what a cosy, warm venue
it was for the event.

And everybody that was at the event,
that was asked,

wouldn't like to go anywhere else.

This became
the home of the porridge and...

..it's been here for 30 years now
and...

hopefully another 30.

(Director)
Do you think you are waving the flag

for the next generation
of porridge makers?

- I don't.
- (He laughs)

Uh...

- I am but one man.
- (They laugh)

I... I wouldn't put myself at the...

..I don't feel like
I'm the leader of a group.

I'm just a guy cooking porridge.

(Urgent percussion)

(Percussion continues)

(Percussion continues)

(Toby) 'More and more people
come from around the world.

'People from the States,

'there's a couple of African
competitors this year.

'Everyone gets a bit better.

'I think you can't...
you can't stay still.

'You've got to...
You've got to evolve with the game.'

(Percussion continues)

(Percussion stops)

- (Chris) Yes, ma'am.
- I just wanted to ask your advice.

- I want to come tomorrow.
- (Chris) Yes.

And do, like, a round trip.

- (Chris) You can do that.
- Not get off, as such.

- (Chris) No, you can do that.
- Oh, great.

(Chris) No trouble at all. What
time train do you want to do it on?

- The first one?
- Yeah.

(Chris) Well, there we are,
the first one's at 10:58, look.

OK.

(Chris) So that'll take you
all the way up to Broome Hill,

then back through here to Aviemore
and then back here

and you'll be back here
by quarter past one.

- OK. That's lovely.
- (Chris) How's that?

That's great.
I'll meet you in the morning.

I'll see you tomorrow.
Right you are, ma'am. No trouble.

(Playful instrumental music)

(Music builds)

(Chris) 'Right, well, good morning.'

My name is Chris Price.

I'm a 45-year railwayman

and I work here as a volunteer
for the Strathspey Railway.

- (Music continues)
- What we're hoping for, of course,

is that a few of the porridge-making
champions will arrive by rail.

It will be nice to meet them
and even perhaps encourage them.

(Lisa) 'For me, getting up
to Scotland is a huge thing.

'I'm waiting for an operation.

'I can't go in a car,
I can't go on an aeroplane.

'So we've got four trains.

'You can worry about things
and you can worry about it a lot.

'Or you can just get on and do it.'

'When you whack a kitchen
in a suitcase

'and take it
to the other side of the world,

'inevitably something can
and probably will go wrong.'

It's about 30 hours
straight from here.

(Chris) Something that my dad
said to me many, many years ago,

he said, "Chris, you'll be the one
that has the most common sense."

Hi, mate.

(Chris) 'I think common sense
is looking out for yourself.'

Also, if you are with a group,
you know,

if you can,
try and look out for them as well.

(Music continues)

(Music concludes)

Uh...

..Ukraine.

Zimbabwe.

We should have Indonesia.

What's the Indonesian flag like?

Is that the same as the Polish one?

Uh, the Zimbabwe flag is gorgeous.

Have you seen it?

How's that for a flag?

Flags should be
colourful, shouldn't they?

They should be
ridiculously colourful.

And, of course,
we've got our own porridge flags.

So I'm just checking
that I've got everybody represented.

Um...

- We can have...
- That's more space there.

This area here,
we're going to have the big...

sort of speaker unit thing here,
for the AV guy.

- (Musical ringtone plays)
- Could stagger it across, yeah?

- (Ringtone stops)
- Charlie Miller.

Hello?

- Hey, who dropped out?
- David Buchanan.

Ah!

- He's tested for positive for
Covid. - Oh, well, that's a bugger.

(Dialling tone)

- (Robin, on phone) 'How you doing?'
- Aye, fine. How are you?

OK, good man. Listen,
we've got a wee problem here.

One of the contestants
has pulled out.

I'm wondering if you'll stand in.

(Robin) 'So that'll be a case
of 'then...

'whatever Tesco's got left
on their shelves.'

Exactly, exactly that. Yeah,
exactly.

(Robin) 'Aye, OK,
'it'll be fun, let me do it.'

- See you later. Cheery.
- 'Bye.'

(Phone chimes)

That's sorted.

(Indistinct conversation)

Not enough.

That needs to be open.

- One above the door.
- Right.

- One above the door, there.
- (Man) Two here.

These burners are here.

(Fiona) The burners are...
the burners are in the centre.

(Charlie) The burners
are where we put them,

so we can put them there.

(Fiona) The burners
are in the centre.

- (Charlie) They don't have to be.
- (Fiona) Yes, they have.

(Charlie) Right. No, listen.

Listen, Fiona. Fiona. Fiona.

I don't have time to argue with you.
We'll do it your way.

(Birdsong)

(Musical ringtone plays)

- (Ringtone stops)
- Charlie Miller.

(Bob) Here.

(Charlie) Hello, there.
How you doing?

Let me go where
there's somewhere where I can...

I can hear you a bit better.

Right, how can I help you?

(Bob) I just see a lot of hard work
ahead putting these into the ground.

Could somebody move the Audi?

I say, we're filming
here over the period

of the World Porridge Championships.

Also the harvest festival
in this church.

And... I've got the Bible here.

There's plenty of references in the
Bible to food and manna from heaven.

But I'm going to read one verse
from Luke's gospel.

The parable of the yeast.

"Again, Jesus asked,

"what shall I compare
the kingdom of God with?

"It is like this.
A woman takes some yeast

"and mixes it with 40 litres
of flour

"until the whole batch
of dough rises."

Amen.

(Bright instrumental music;
Engine thrums)

(Music continues)

All right, the next one...

(Music continues)

So we've arrived in Carrbridge,
in the Highlands.

It's the week build up to
the competition.

So it's the week when
we pull everything together.

We're getting a little bit nervous,
a little bit excited,

and it's all those emotions
all in together.

(Music continues)

(Music concludes)

For this year's competition,
we've organised a media van

for interviews to take place.

(Lively music)

My name is Stephanie Yuill

and I have come from
Yellowknife, Northwest Territories,

in the northern part of Canada.

My name is Pav.
I came from Birmingham.

I'm representing Cyprus today

for that's my ancestral homeland.

My name is Miriam.
I am from the Netherlands.

When I arrived,
I met eight former world champions,

another 12 people at least

who were professional chefs,
at one level or another.

And I had that feeling,

"Oh, gosh, I have turned up
at the wrong dance."

I wanted to bring me,
I wanted to bring me on a plate.

My experiences around the world.

I'm actually a little nervous.
I'm feeling really discombobulated.

I've visualised
exactly what I'm gonna do,

how I'm gonna do each step.

The right amount of seasoning.

Not undercooked.

Once you've competed
in this competition,

you just want to come back, because

it's so nice to be here,
it's so loving.

And it's the warming feeling
the porridge gives you

that is actually
what is going on in Carrbridge.

Already, Adam and I,
the two Miller boys

are already in the top 30
in the world.

And I think
that's a fantastic thing.

Exactly.

(Music continues, concludes)

(Birdsong, bagpipe music)

(Faint, bustling conversation)

(Music continues)

(Martyn) Just tell me exactly
what you want me to do.

Sure, sure.

(Martyn) Bring them to order
and then introduce you?

- (Charlie) Uh...
- (Martyn) Yes or no?

- (Charlie) Yes, that's a good idea.
- (Handbell rings)

(Martyn) Ladies and gentlemen,
good evening.

(Charlie) I want to thank you all
for coming tonight

for the 30th World
Porridge Making Championship.

Enjoy yourselves tonight,
ladies and gentlemen,

and make sure you turn up
bright and breezy tomorrow.

(Cheering, applause)

Thanks.

- I was tempted.
- You should've done!

(Charlie) I think when you put it
on, it goes "woo".

(She chuckles)

(Nick) 'What do you think of the
recent trend towards pinhead?'

I don't know if it's the taste
or if it's the actual...

It's the bitiness.
I think it's the bitiness.

So when you get the risotto just
right, it's the bitiness is there.

And now I'm going
to switch it the other way,

have mostly pinhead with some
medium, just to give it body.

Mm-hm.
I'm just reminding myself of...

your name.

I've seen your name
an awful lot, sonny.

(Charlie)
No, that's enough, plenty of people.

Far more people here
than I expected, I must say.

- (Woman) Really?
- (Charlie) Oh, yeah.

(Director) How are you feeling,
Ian?

I'm not feeling too good, actually.

But...
I'll win it again this year, but...

it's going to take some doing.

Hmm.

It's quite funny, isn't it?

I mean, I used to be
in the martial arts,

like, big time,

and I'm standing here
thinking porridge.

(He laughs)

How can you break a neck
of somebody with porridge?

(Sombre piano music)

(Music builds)

(Lee) Being a local meteorologist

means you're always the person
they're going to ask,

"Can I have my barbecue?"
"Can I hang my washing out?"

'Last weekend,
I was in the local pub

'and I must have been
asked about 15 times,

' "Is it going rain on Saturday?"
"How's the Porridge Day looking?"

'It's a big deal in Carrbridge.

'Is it gonna rain
on Porridge Day or not?'

People have got this opinion that
Scotland sees rain all the time.

It's not true.
The west can be very wet,

but here we're sheltered
from the mountains.

It can be quite dry.
We get pleasant days in summer,

temperatures 28, 29.

'But in winter,
we get cold, dry, frosty days,

'when it can go as low as -20.'

(Music continues, thunder rumbles)

(Music continues, thunder rumbles)

(Music builds)

(Music stops)

(Chris) And Saturday is the seventh.

And welcome to Porridge Day.

(Thunder rumbles, water roars)

Yeah, it's not the best of days

for wandering around the village,
I must admit.

It's really coming down
quite heavily.

It's the worst I can remember in
30 years, as regards the weather.

It looks as if we're probably going
to have to cancel the march,

which is a great pity.

(Charlie)
If everybody could clear this area,

I want to put the gas on
and test it.

That burner's live
so be careful, yeah?

Good morning.

(Faint, bustling conversation)

Er...

Do you ever start to do something

and forget what you were
going to do?

Today's the day.
Tension is building,

but I think we can handle it.

I think we can handle it too.

It's just at that stage of the day -

let's get started, let's get it done

and let's take that trophy
back home.

I'll take an Irn Bru,
have you got one? Thank you.

Oh, can't come in here, pal. This is
dangerous. We've got gas running.

(Bell dings)

(Martyn) OK. Right, competitors.

We're going to do a toast
to the porridge.

(Charlie) One, two. Is that live?
Can you hear me?

One, two, three. One, two, three.

- (Man) We hear you.
- (Martyn) Drink a toast to...

the porridge.
- The porridge!

(Cheering, applause)

(Conversation quietens)

(Charlie) I'd like to hand over now
to our MC for the day, Sarah Rankin.

(Sarah) Shall we start
the competition?

(Charlie, crowd) Five, four, three,

two, one...

(Urgent music,
Crowd cheers)

(Ambient sound fades,
music continues)

(Sarah) We're just about there.
That's it, time's up everyone.

- (ambient sound resumes)
- Heat number one, well done!

I muffed it.

It's, um...

It's just not good, you know?

(Indistinct conversation)

It's a hearty bowl.

- It's a good bowl, isn't it?
- It is a good bowl.

I think the colour, for me, if you
were to compare it to the last one,

was better coloured.
- Mm-hm.

But definitely, you know,
the consistency here,

I mean, that's definitely
what we're looking for.

- Yeah. It's much smoother.
- Yes.

And overall it maybe has
the appearance on top

of being quite thick.

But it's got a nice
little bit of bite to it.

Mm-hm, it has got bite, mm-hm.

We have more like that,
it will be nice, easy work.

Yeah.

Porridge took a little bit longer
to boil than I thought it might.

But we got away with it, in the end.

Yeah, relatively scot-free.

Now, this is malting the barley.

You're drinking malt whisky,
so we're malting the barley

and that gives the smokiness.

Now you notice the difference
in the smokiness in, uh,

the different whiskies that
we're going to, uh, look at today.

Now, the shape of the still
makes a difference to the whisky.

Heat it up and then
goes right up to the top

where in fact it condenses.

We have a clear liquid
which comes out

and it's 60% alcohol by volume.

(Simon) 'Uh, so,
I've just finished the first heat.'

You think, "Sure, of course I can
go to Scotland and make porridge.

"How hard can it be?"
And it turned out it's very hard.

(Charlie) Heat two contestants,
please.

(Steve) Just managed to dry out.

And everybody's relaxed
and enjoying it.

If we win, again,
it's a lovely bonus,

but I think Lisa's just so pleased
to be back and in the fray.

(Charlie) I'm here, I'm here.

This is a professional event,
Charlie!

(Urgent instrumental music)

(Music concludes)

It was fun,
but it was nerve-racking.

I was quite pleased
with the porridge.

We'll just see how it goes.

So, for me,
this has got really good colour.

Mm-hm.

Um, it is a little bit thick,
I would say.

Um...

..but it eats really easily.

- It does taste good.
- It's cooked out.

It's not floury, it's not glutinous.

- Right. It's well seasoned.
- Yes.

- Actually...
- Not under or over-salted at all.

Try a little bit more of it.

For me, I got a salty patch there.

Definitely. I don't know
if somebody's put rock salt into it

and not mixed it properly.
- Mm-hm.

Ladies and gentlemen...

..we are now about to go
and continue our tour of Scotland.

The River Spey runs for 110 miles,
from here all the way up to the sea.

This is called Speyside.
This is where you're standing.

We are now in the Mecca of malts.

Thanks, that's fine.

Have we all got one?
Come on. Just...

there we go.
Where's the other tray?

Anne, did anybody clear away this?

I've lost a...
I've lost an auction prize, a...

an auction item.
Has anybody been clearing it away?

(Martyn) Ladies and gentlemen.
Have we all got the whisky?

What's the first thing
you do with malt whisky?

Don't drink it.

(Urgent instrumental music)

(Ambient sound fades,
music continues)

(Sarah) ..two, one. Thank you.

(Music stops, ambient sound resumes)

- (Applause)
- Right, guys, well done!

Today was the first time
I cooked in a competition

more or less 100% pinhead oatmeal,

and under normal circumstances,
that takes 30 minutes to cook.

You only have 30 minutes to cook,

so this required soaking the oats
overnight, the pinhead oatmeal,

and then boiling it fiercely,
for 30 minutes,

and having the conviction to know,
with all that water you put in

so that it looked like a gruel,
the worst sort of soup,

it was going to set and it was
going to make great porridge.

Happily, it seems to have worked.

And this is bowl number 24.

- Good colour.
- Yeah.

Good texture.
I think, for me, that is a...

good-scoring bowl of porridge.
- Mm-hm.

(Faint, bustling conversation)

(Ruth) 'This is the boiler house

'of the World Porridge
Championships.'

You don't bother about
what's happening out there.

It all happens in here,
where the dishes are washed,

the cold porridge pots are scrubbed
clean and they're all put out there

and people can pick them up
and go away.

So, you know, don't make the mistake
in thinking that it's out there.

It's actually in here.
- (They chuckle)

If they just come up
and collect it and, uh...

And what about the raffle?

Well, the raffle will follow
in a few minutes.

Right, we'll have the raffle
in a few minutes.

(Music - "Wild Mountain Thyme")

Just give us a couple of minutes
to get the raffle sorted.

# O the Summer time has come

# And the trees are sweetly bloomin'

# And the wild mountain thyme

# Grows around the blooming heather

# Will ye go, lassie, go? #

(Music stops; Applause)

(Urgent instrumental music)

(Music concludes)

(Sarah) OK, right.
Press the button, Charlie.

Here we go!

Eight, seven, six, five,

four, three, two, one.

- Let's go.
- (Applause)

(Tense percussion)

30 competitors,
we're down to the last six.

The best six porridge makers
in the world, in fact.

(Ambient sound fades,
Stirring instrumental music)

(Charlie) 'At the other end of the
village, we have a river

'and it rises
in the Monadhliath Mountains

'and it runs with such ferocity.'

- (Music continues)
- 'I have this nightmare

'where I'm up at the headwaters,

'I'm sitting astride
a giant spurtle

'and I'm going down this river
all the way to the Spey

'but I never make it.

'And I don't know
what the significance of that is.

'It's quite, um, daunting...

'to figure out
where I should be going.'

(Music continues)

(Music intensifies)

(Sarah) The last one
is just about out.

It's done! This is done.

- (Applause, cheering)
- It's all over!

(Music concludes)
- Well done, guys!

(Cheering, applause fade)

(Faint, bustling conversation)

(Rain patters)

(Birdsong)

(Charlie) 'I think it was
Isaac Newton that said,

' "If I've achieved greatness,

' "it's by standing
on the shoulders of giants."

'But there is a point where
somebody else has to take over.

'As I'm getting older things,
are beginning to break

'and I get very tired very easily.'

At the moment, I'm suffering
from lymphedema in one of my legs

and I can't stand, I can't walk
for long periods of time.

'I feel a wee bit regretful
that I'm not able to continue.'

(Sarah) I would like to announce

that the winner
of the Golden Spurtle...

..is Adam Kiani.

(Cheering, applause)

(Sarah) Just before
Charlie starts talking again,

he doesn't know
I'm going to do this,

we've got a wee something for you.

Oh, thank you.

(Sarah) Because this is
your last year...

the Porridge Chieftain, 2023.
Congratulations.

Thank you so much! Well done.

(Cheering, applause)

Thank you all very much.

Thank you.

(Charlie) 'I wasn't expecting
a gift of any kind

'and I do wear baseball hats,
I wear them quite a lot.'

It did bring a tear to my eye
and a lump to my throat

and I was quite tearful
for a good half hour.

I'm beginning to feel it now,
in fact.

'I'm Charlie Miller, honorary
Chieftain of the Golden Spurtle.'

(Lisa) 'I guess
I was a bit disappointed

'when I wasn't
announced for the final,

'but there's nothing you can do
about it.'

On the day, it's what porridge
the judges like

and you just have to enjoy it.

It was brilliant to be in the final,

uh, again, after having been
in the final so many times.

And, yes, it was a disappointment,
but very mildly.

No reaction, just observe

and just cherish the fact that
we're all celebrating the noble oat,

cooked with such positivity.

(Director) 'You must be
very proud of her, Steve.'

Oh, absolutely. I mean, just to
come up here and to take part,

especially as she wasn't
too well this year.

And just to see her do
all that effort for the porridge

you know, you just think,
"Well, you know,

"I wouldn't have the courage to do
it, that's for sure."

And, yes, whether she wins or loses,
she's still the star to me.

My name's Adam Kiani and I'm
the winner of the Golden Spurtle.

It's just insane.
I just can't, I can't fathom it.

It's the only thing
I've ever won, I think.

So having this shiny thing
in front of me,

I think it's going to take
a while to sink in, for sure.

I was using my grandma's spurtle.

She gave it to me
when I went to visit the other week

and I told her
about the competition.

So, yeah, surely,
it's the magic of the grandma

that has been sort of
transmitted into this porridge.

Maybe that's why I'm here.

(Toby) 'I was disappointed
in myself.

'I had a lot of excess flour
left in my oats.'

It just had too much starch in it

and it was really creamy,
which can be really nice,

but to the point where it was
a little bit claggy, almost.

There are a few other
international ones

I wouldn't mind throwing my hat
into the ring for, though.

I heard about the International
Testicle Cooking Championship...

uh, in Eastern Europe.
The Ball's Cup.

There's the Fondue Championship,
in Switzerland.

The Australian Camp Oven
Competition.

Um...

I'm down for all of the above.

This is my new hobby.

(Vehicle approaches)

(Hammering)

(Indistinct conversation)

I've got a beautiful view here
of the Forrigan Hills, which, eh...

..I keep promising myself
one day I'll walk up to the top.

They're not very high, but...

a real feature of the area
around here.

That's the northern boundary
of the Cairngorms National Park.

I'm beginning to get the smell of
wood smoke from the evening fires.

A bit poetic, but I love the smell.

Yeah.

What was it that Saint Paul said?
"I am a citizen of no mean city."

(He chuckles)

(Softly) Yeah.

(Wistful violin music)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Music continues)

(Spirited instrumental music)

(Music continues)

(Music builds)

(Music builds)

(Music concludes)

(Playful piano music)

(Music builds)

(Music concludes)

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