All language subtitles for Corner.Gas.S05E10.Knit.Wit.of.the.Month.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-QOQ_track4_[eng]

Chu, chu, chu, chu, chuuu.

Chu, chu, chu, chu, chu,
chu, chu, chu, chu, chuuu.

[gravel scattering]

Yep, yep.

Yep, yup, yep,
ye-up, ye-up, ye-up.

[imitates insect buzzing]

You should get a hobby.

Sure. But who's
got the time?

♪ You can tell me that
your dog ran away ♪

♪ Then tell me that it
took three days ♪

♪ I've heard every joke,
I've heard every one you say ♪

♪ You think there's
not a lot goin' on ♪

♪ Look closer, Baby,
you're so wrong ♪

♪ And that's why you can
stay so long ♪

♪ Where there's not a lot
goin' on ♪♪

Look at Phil.

What employer has a
staff appreciation lunch
for one employee?

That is so lame.

Normally saying lame
is kinda lame.

But in this case
you're right.

Oh, and he wants me to
serve this: "We're great!"

It should read,
"We're lame."

That is so lame.

What employee would not
see through a moist

chocolate layered
charade like that?

A paycheque
for a job well done

is all the dessert
a staff needs.

Amen, sister.

If there's any
charade left over,
Okay.

Hey-aay.

Look who's bein' appreciated.

Whoo-hoo!

All right!

I can't find the
Senior's Beat column.

Where's that stupid
woman's column?

Her obituary's on
the front page.

Oh, she writin' those now?
Good for her.

Who's gonna write
the Senior's Beat?

How am I supposed to know
what the seniors are doin'?

One of them's
driving me nuts.

See? That's the kinda thing
that should be in the paper.

Okay. I'll talk to
Gus at the Howler.

Maybe I'll recommend Delores
Baxter to take over the column.

Delores Baxter's
a crackpot.

Well, maybe Cathy
Taylor, then.
She's crappy.

Wes Baxter?
Wes Baxter's married
to the crackpot.

Fine. I'll do it myself.
I didn't ask you.

Too late.

Hey, Emma, I'm looking
for the model train club.

Oh, it got cancelled.
There was a derailment.

No one was hurt.

Ahh. I'm lookin' for a hobby.

I mean that seemed perfect.
Models and trains.

Did any of the models show up?

Would you like
to join our club?

We're the Knit Wits.

Oh, yeah? What do you do?

We knit.

He doesn't know how to knit.
So goodbye, Hank.

I could learn.
Or leave.

Ah, it doesn't
seem so hard.

You just move those
needles around till ya
make that ball, right?

[laughter]

That's not a joke. He thinks
that's how you really knit.

Here. I have some spare
needles and some wool.

Yeah?

Okay, ladies, let's
get our knit on.

What the heck's that?
What?

That.

The wall?

On the wall.
Paint?

We're gonna get
to it eventually.

Ah, all right.
I put it up.
Big deal.

I mean what's wrong with a
little employee recognition?

But we had a pact, a no
lameness pact. Remember?

I called you sister. We made
fun of their stupid cake,

which was delicious,
by the way.

You don't understand.

Josh was whining about the whole
employee appreciation thing.

Phil is not that great
of a boss, ya know?

I'm a better boss than he is.
I'm a pretty good boss. Right?

Hey, how would you like it if I
made you Employee of the Month?

And I have to admit, since I
put that picture on the wall,

it's been pretty good
for morale.

Hey, Josh-aroo.

Hey, Lace-aroo.

[clicks tongue]

I think I'm gonna lose
my lunch-aroo.

Emma,

I'm so sorry to hear
about your loss.

What loss?

Well, Oscar.
He's dead.

What are you
talking about?

Well, he hasn't called
with any complaints,

so what else could it be?

And that's your evidence?

No proof, no witnesses,
maybe a body?

Well, tell us your
big theory, then.

He's writing the
Senior's Beat for the Howler.

What happened to Mrs. O'Hanlon?
She died.

Oh, that's great.

Oh, no, it's great that Oscar's
busy, not that she died.

Although, he wouldn't have
the job if she was still alive.

So I guess it is great
that she's dead.

We should go now.

Boy, did I just have an
embarrassing conversation.

This guy came in
and he was like,

"Hey, did you see that picture
of Josh over at The Ruby?

"That's pretty crazy.

I mean if anybody
deserves something like
that, that is you,"

is what he said.

And I was like

"Pblllf-fft. I don't need that
kinda stuff to justify

all the hard work I do
around here."

Who were you havin'
this conversation with?

It doesn't matter
who it was with.

Or what mirror it was
in the washroom?

The walls are pretty thin
in here, ya know?

Oh, that guy also wanted
to know what kinda gift
you were getting me?

Tell that guy, nothing.

That guy also thinks
you're a tool.

Hey, Oscar, I can't
find your column.

It's right there,
ya jackass.

"Senior's Beat
by Oscar Leroy.

Pot luck sucks!"

Where's the column?
That is the column.

That's it?
Yeah. Why go on about it?

Wow. Can't wait to find
out what sucks next.

Well, you can go on
waitin', 'cause I quit.

That sucks.

Hey, hey, hey.

What's up, my knitters?

Oh, what's that
stitch you're doin'?

Knit one,
pearl two, repeat.

Oh. Then what do ya do?

Repeat.

[loudly]
I said, then
what do you do?

[normal volume]
She can't hear
too good, huh?

We were just leaving.
Better repeat that for--oh.

We just got here.
And now we're leaving.

All right. We'll catch ya
at the next meeting, ladies.

Uh, where is that,
by the way?

You know, at the place.

What time?
That's right.

You can't quit
your column.

Yes, I can. The Howler's
got too many rules.

"It's gotta be longer."
"Write to deadline."
"Don't eat my sandwich."

You at someone's sandwich?
Only one bite.

Beside, I'd rather complain
to people face to face.

No, no, no, no.
Don't do that.

Hey, we'll help
ya write them.

We'll type them up.
Well, Karen will type.

Because Davis can't.
He didn't need
to know that.

Look at that picture up there,
just mocking me.

Believe me, you don't
want one of those.

It's only a matter of time
till somebody draws a moustache
or blacks out the teeth.

Hey, Lacey, ya
got a marker?

Well, I guess some employers
aren't as thoughtful as others,

huh, Wanda?

Yeah. I guess they have trouble
showing their appreciation to
their employees.

Employee.

Come on, Brent. Don't you
want to show people that
you're a good employer?

Oh, of course I do.

Nice, huh?

Maybe we should
have some cake.

Hey, Brent, have
you seen your mom?

Lots of times.

Oh. I'm supposed to be
knittin' with her.

Oh, hey, congratulations.

Is that award, uh, local
or province wide?

It might be national.

Brent hung it up.
He gave it to himself.

She's just jealous
she didn't get one.

Well, don't worry.
There's always next month.

I don't mean to interrupt
your tea party, but I just

wanted to point out that
once again the employee

is doing the actual work,
while Captain Dinkus McDoofus,

the crappiest employer of all
time, sits on his lazy can.

Duly noted.

You know, that
should be my award.

You don't even work here.

Geez, maybe I
should hire Josh.

The Employer and Employee
of the Month together.
[whistles]

That would be one hell
of a month.

Oh!

And I said to him, "It's a
side plate. It's supposed
to be smaller."

[knocking]

Hey, hey, hey.
[chuckles]

There you guys are. I was
lookin' all over town for ya.

Didn't you get my message
that we changed the place?

No, no. I'm such a knit wit.

Get it?

Well, I guess we
should be going.

Oh.

Goodbye, Emma.

Ah, well, I guess
it's just you and me.

I got knitter's cramp. Bye.

Oh. But, uh, look,
I need your help.

Just show me a couple stitches.
I want to knit a toaster cozy.

A toaster cozy?

Yeah. It's like tea cozy, you
know, keep your toaster warm.

Okay, I'll give you a minute.

But no yapping.

Oscar yaps on and on when
I knit. Drives me crazy.

Like the other day,

I asked him to pull some
weeds in the garden.

So he tries to convince me
we should just turn it
into a weed garden,

that way we wouldn't have to
pull the weeds out at all.

So I said to him, "Oh,
yeah, that'll be nice.
What if we get thistles..."

...then he said, "Well, I'm like
the banker in Mary Poppins."
Mm-hmm.

And I said, "What's that
got to do with anything?"

Uh-huh.

Then he said he found
the quarter under the couch,
"Finders keepers."

And then I say I gotta
get goin'. It's late.

What? Oscar didn't say that.

Oh. Well, same time tomorrow?

Uh? Yeah, sure. I'll, um,
I'll meet ya at the place.

What place?

My place. Dammit.
I mean not my place. Bye.

Okay, Blondie,
read it back to me.

Ah, "Oscar's List of Things
That Suck: cold coffee,

"shovelling snow,
cats pooping on lawns,

and ballroom dancing."

Okay, I like the cats
pooping on my lawn thing.

Thoughts? Comments?

What do ya think, Davis?
You've been pretty quiet.

Well, what about
my garbage can idea?

Feels like it's been done
before. I like Blondie's
cat poop thing.

Maybe we can add some stuff
about dog poop as well.

That's pretty annoying.
Too broad.

Dogs pooping in
garbage cans.

We're stickin' with
Karen's cat story.

Type it up, uh, add some more
words to it and make it longer.

I'm goin' for a nap.

And put some stuff about
garbage cans in it too.

Just wanna let ya know
that I'm no longer upset

you didn't make me
Employee of the Month.

Glad that's over.

Yeah. I don't need some
crappy picture on the wall

to make me feel good
about myself.

Oh, my gosh!

I am Customer of the Month!

Yes! Whoo!

Customer of the Month,
of the month, of the
month, month, month. Yes!

A good employer recognizes both
her employees and her customers.

But as Employer of the Month,
you'd know that.

So what is this,
some kinda payback?

No. Wanda is a great customer.

You're sittin' on my stool, pal.
Mo it or lose it.

Ooah! There's a cockroach
in my food!

What?

[laughs]
Just jokin'. It's rubber.

[loud, long belch]

We have winner!

Yeah, she's a real dream.

I woulda thought I was
the obvious choice.

Most of the forks here have
moulded to the shape of my hand.

Ooh. Does my choice bug you?

Are you bugged?
You looked bugged.

Move it or lose it, pal.

I'm good here.

[knocking]

[knocking continues]

We need to talk.

Emma drives us crazy.

She goes on and
on about Oscar.

This whole time I thought
you didn't like me.

Oh, we're not crazy about you,
but you're better than Emma.

[knocking]

Oh, no! It's Yabbermouth!

Is there another way out?

The back.

Come on. Come with us.

She's already seen me.
Ah, you go.

We'll remember this.

Hey. Emma.

Oscar, the latest Senior's
Beat was terrific,

the way you covered all the
angles of cats and their poop.

I'm glad ya liked it.

I mean I'm sure Oscar's
glad that you liked it.

I thought the cat poop
story left me wanting more.

Dog poop totally unexplored,
don't ya think?

I don't know. I look
forward to the next one.

Maybe it should be
about garbage cans.

Whatever.

I swear to God, if you mention
garbage cans one more time!

Fitzy seemed real
excited about it.

If I let ya write it,
will ya shut up?

I'm on it.

So I find out he's hiding
his vitamins under the mattress.

There must have been 50
of them there.

Uh-huh.

He denies putting them there.

And I said, "Who put them
there, the Vitamin Fairy?"

Uh-huh.

What are ya knitting?

Uh-huh.

Oh. Uh, what?

Oh, uh, it's a scarf.

Oh, I thought you were
knitting a toaster cozy.

[muffled talking]

You inspired me to try
something different.

Hey.

So, you weren't in The Ruby
for lunch today.

Oh, you noticed?

Yeah, I, uh, I've been
brown baggin' it lately.

I didn't think ya needed me,

with your Customer of the Month
pickin' up the slack.,

How's that workin' out,
by the way?

Good. Good.

[laughs]

No, seriously, the
burger's undercooked.

Sounds like it's
workin' out good.

Sure is.

What kinda
sandwich is that?

It's a pickle and jam.

Because that's all you have
left in your fridge, right?

No. Because it's a sweet
and salty delight.

Well, enjoy your sweet
and salty delight.

Impossible not to.

What does Oscar hate
about garbage cans?

What if he starts out hating
them and ends up liking them?

Aah, it doesn't
sound like Oscar.

It's a journey.

Man hates garbage can, man
learns to live with garbage can,

man likes garbage can.

[phone ringing]

This isn't
a Disney film,
this is Oscar.

[ringing]
Man hates garbage, man hates
garbage, man hates garbage can.

[ringing continues]

They're not answering.

Did you tell them
we've been robbed?

I didn't tell them anything,
because they're not answering.

Here you go,
chili cheese dog.

I ordered a salad.

Well, you have to start
eating more, like Brent.

Why?

I didn't realize how
much The Ruby depended
on him on slow days.

I mean that man
can pack it away.

Oh, I'm talkin'
like he can eat.

I mean he can really
pack it away.

Okay, no problem.

But does he eat a
chili dog every day?

Oh.

Plus pie.

Not a piece of pie, a pie.

Wow. That's some--

Wow.

Well, I'm sure it won't
be a problem for Customer...

of the Month.

Do we have any Pepto-Bismol,
maybe some ENO?

Why? Do you have heartburn from
eating a chili cheese dog?

No. Why would you say that?

Because I can smell it
on ya. Come here.

Say, "Hot Hawaiian
hoola hoops."

Is that
coleslaw?

Ah, I don't have
time for this.

I gotta get back to The Ruby,
and [groans] eat some more.

Yeah, well, stop by
and work sometime.

[stomach growling]

Oh, easy, big fella.

Hey, Oscar, can ya write
an article about how

the Dog River Police
Department doesn't
respond to seniors' calls?

Okay, I have
our next story.

It's gonna be about how the Dog
River Police are screwin' up.

But we're about to crack
the garbage can story.

Can you believe this guy?

Welcome to my hell.

Wait. Did you say
Dog River Police?

Yeah. Start typin', Blondie.

Dog River Police
Ignore Seniors.

I don't hear any typing.
Are you ignoring me?

I'm not typing that.
Why?

Because I'm a cop.
Fine.

Davis, you want it?

Well, I could probably
make it work.

But we are cops.

People need to know
this stuff, Karen.

Well, I can't do it. I quit.

As a cop and a journalist,
I have more integrity than that.

And I'm takin' a copy of
the cat poop column for my mom.

There you are.

When are we getting
together to knit?

The other women said
they can't make it.

Between you and me, I
think they don't like you.

Oh, um,

Emma, actually, I won't be able
to knit with you anymore either.

Uh, I got a job.
A job?

You? A job? You?

YeahIt's a great opportunity.

Shovel this pile of
chicken manure from here

to the other pile and mix
it with the pig manure.

[flies buzzing]
I'll take it.

Then I want you to shovel the
cow and horse manure over here,

where the chicken
manure used to be.
I said I'll take it.

I'll miss knitting with you.

Yes, I'm sure you will.

[flies buzzing]

And he has this
thing about washing
Uh-huh.

He won't wash them, but he has
no trouble getting them dirty.

Oscar, what happened
to the Senior's Beat?

It made no sense.

First you hate the cops,
then you like the cops.

And there was this garbage
can thing in the middle.

It was like a
monkey wrote it.

A monkey didn't write it.
I wrote it.

You wrote it?
A monkey wrote it.

Oscar, is this true?

No. Davis wrote it.

You write the Senior's
Beat yourself,

or I'll recommend
someone else.

Okay. Davis, you're fired.

No more. My gut's on fire.

Cool it down with some
nice pie and ice cream.

But I don't like pie.

You are Customer of the Month.
Suck it up.

[scoffs]
Half a chili
cheese dog.

Pretty light eating for
Customer of the Month.

It's my second.

You've been here an hour.
I'd have been on my fifth--

Ooo, is that pie?

Maybe you'd like to
finish the rest of it.

No, I brought
my own lunch.

Mmm. What ya got there,
pickles and jam again?

No. Another taste sensation.
Olives and sour cream.

All right.

Down the hatch,
both of you.

Okay. Here I go.

[ominous music]

[growling]

Maybe we can work somethin' out.

Aren't ya gonna
congratulate me?

Congratulate yourself.

I got a chili cheese dog to
eat, well, the first of five.

I heard Wanda's
Employee of the Month.

Yeah. She's got her picture
up there and everything.

So, smells like the new
manure job's goin' well.

Yeah. Thankfully your mom got
fired for talkin' too much.

Hmm. I wonder who she's
gonna talk to now.

He'd been looking kinda
peaked for a long time

and it turns out he'd been
hiding all the vitamin pills
under his mattress.

Slow down.
These stories are gold.

Now, what was this
jackass's name, again?

Uh... Bob.

Where's the B
on this thing?

Captioning by VerticalSync
www.verticalsync.com

♪ I don't know the same things
you don't know ♪

♪ I don't know
I just don't know ♪

♪ It's a great big place ♪

♪ full of nothin' but space ♪

♪ and it's my happy place ♪

♪ I don't know
Yes you do ♪

♪ You just won't admit it ♪

Want to have a gas online?
Visit us at cornergas.com

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ I just don't know ♪♪