All language subtitles for Bewitched.S08E26.The.Truth.Nothing.but.the.Truth.So.Help.Me.Sam.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[Darrin] Sam? Out here!

What are you doing?

Uh, potting.

I thought you were going
to sleep late this morning.

Yeah, but I find it hard to
sleep in a half-empty bed.

Oh. Well, I had these
pots on my mind...

Oh, I must look a mess.
Yeah...

But what a beautiful mess.

Let's see, now.
There's a nice clean spot.

Let me wash
up. I'll fix you some breakfast.

I haven't got time for breakfast.
I have an 11:00 appointment

and then I have to
stop off and pick up

a special surprise
I found for you.

What's the occasion?
It's an everyday occasion.

I love you.

[Endora] Stop!
I'm getting nauseous.

Up here, my darlings.

Endora, must you show up
without any warning?

Like the flu?

Durwood,
you are very ignorable.

Let's keep it that way.

Mother...
Oh.

Oh, sweetheart, don't forget
that Larry and the Franklins

are coming over for
dinner tonight. No, no.

I'll be home early.

I still say you're
a beautiful mess.

The bologna in this place could
supply a delicatessen for a year.

Mother, if you don't like it,

why don't you go someplace
where the eavesdropping is better?

The way you lap up that
syrup, my darling, it's pathetic.

Why shouldn't I?
Because he's a mortal.

And because when
your average mortal

starts bringing home presents to
his wife, And there's no occasion,

believe me,
there's been an occasion.

You have a very
suspicious mind.

Your naivete is sick-making.

Or are you living on
fabrications just as they do?

No, I'm not.

Darrin is not your average
mortal. He doesn't tell lies.

Nonsense,
they're all the same.

Every one of them, including
your precious Durwood.

Why, I wager...

Yes?

I just remembered
something urgent I have to do.

I won't be long.

Well, take your time.

Oh...

Love is blind.

Elizabeth Montgomery in...

Bewitched.

Good morning, Betty.
Good morning, Mr. Stephens.

Oh, Betty, I want to show you a
little gift I bought for Mrs. Stephens.

Oh, what's the occasion?
Oh, no occasion.

Just like that?
Aren't you sweet.

She happens to be crazy
about unicorns. Unicorns?

Right.
It's her favorite animal.

Unicorns?

Uh, mythical favorite.

Anyway, I found this
in an antique store,

and I can't wait
to give it to her.

Upon that unicorn,
I put my spell.

Approach it and
the truth you'll tell.

Step back and once
again you'll speak

those lies so
dear to mortals weak.

I wish my boyfriend
were like you.

Especially I wish he were
married like you, to me.

Do you know
how long we've been engaged?

Eight years.
It's a disgrace.

Oh, it's lovely.

Eight years, huh?

Has your boyfriend
ever seen you in that dress?

I beg your pardon.
Yes, sir.

That's some tight dress,
is what it is.

I'm sorry if I'm wearing
something that's inappropriate.

Inappropriate?
No, no, not at all.

Uh, it's a charming dress, Betty,
and I have no right to be so personal.

I don't mind your being
personal, Mr. Stephens.

To tell the truth, I wore
this dress especially for you.

I hoped it'd get to you.

It's two sizes too small,
and I thought it would be nice

if you noticed I was a woman,
just once.

Mr. Stephens,
I was only kidding, really.

I don't know what
made me say that.

Yeah,
well, that makes us even.

Mr. Stephens' office.
Yes, sir, I'll ask him.

It's Mr. Tate. He wants to know
if you've come up with anything

on the Cora May
sportswear account.

Yes, I've come up with a
beautiful case of indigestion.

Hi, Larry. The answer is no, I
haven't come up with a thing.

No, no, no.
Hear me out.

In view of the fact that you
gave everybody else in the office

a chance at losing that
account before you gave it to me,

and considering
the fact that I've been

on the account
for exactly 24 hours,

I think you've got a lot of nerve,
expecting me to perform miracles.

Yes?

Oh, good.

I can tell you
this to your face.

You spent a year running the Cora
May account into the ground, and...

And...

And no one in
my time or memory

has ever put up a more valiant
struggle to save a sinking ship.

Is this some kind of a joke?

Oh, I knew I could rely
on your sense of humor, Larry.

It's a pretty dumb joke,
if you ask me.

Yeah, I guess it was.

What's bugging
you this morning?

I gave you
the sportswear account

because I thought it
would be a challenge

And I wanted no part of it.
She's a miserable lady.

I hate doing
business with women, anyway.

It's a marginal product,
and I have

no intention of
knocking myself out.

Besides, I'm king of
the hill in this agency.

That's the way things are.

Right, Larry. Sure.

I hope you'll be in
a better mood tonight.

Oh, don't worry,
I'll be a good boy.

Good.

I didn't really mean all that
stuff about the king of the hill.

It's just that, if anyone
can land that account,

you can.

See you tonight.

I'll be looking
forward to it.

Big shot.

I'm coming, I'm coming.

How do you do, madam?

Do you believe in magic?
Probably not.

But I'm sure you'll agree

that anything that makes
housecleaning a pleasure has to be magic.

Well,
I'm terribly sorry, but...

Think of what you can do
with the time you save.

I tell you, the Mindmaster vacuum
cleaner is sweeping the country.

Sweeping the country, get it?

I get it.

Uh, just a minute, buddy.
I was here first.

It's my husband.
Oh, how do you do, sir?

I was just telling the little
lady what a great little...

What a dog this
vacuum cleaner is.

I mean, that's what I
should have been telling her.

I take it
you're not interested.

Sorry.

Well, you can't win them all.

With this dud, I can't
seem to win any of them.

What got into him?

Can't imagine.

Well,
I suppose there comes a time

when a man just
can't hack it anymore.

What kind of a kiss
do you call that?

A cautious kiss.

I didn't feel like
getting a roller in my eye.

Oh, sweetheart,
I'm sorry.

I just finished
putting up my hair,

when that pest arrived.
Do you mind?

Of course I do.
All men do.

If women just realized how
ridiculous and unfeminine they looked

with all that
hardware in their hair...

Well, you want me to
look pretty, don't you?

Well, look at it this way.

How would you feel if I
came tripping down the stairs

with shaving cream
all over my face,

and offered you my
forehead to kiss? Darrin.

Well, I wouldn't be at my
most attractive, would I?

Well,
no, you're not right now.

I think his honesty
is very refreshing.

Thank you.

If the sight of me is so
distressing, I'll just go back upstairs.

Sam, uh...

Endora, there are lots of
things I don't need right now

and you're on
the top of the list.

Mother, dear, you still
find his honesty refreshing?

Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetheart,
here's that surprise

I told you
about this morning.

Ooh!

Oh, Darrin, it's beautiful!
Mother, look.

Oh, isn't it lovely?

Who picked it out
for you, Durwood?

Ho, ho...

Let's see, it isn't your birthday,
it isn't your anniversary,

so there's only
one explanation.

Durwood has
a guilty conscience.

Oh, Mother.
Stop being yourself.

That's like asking
Niagara to fall up.

All right, all right.
Mother, bye-bye.

Earlier, I couldn't help but
overhear that you were having a little

dinner party?

So, why don't you two run up
and get dressed?

I hope you have
a lovely evening.

Thank you, Mother.

[Endora] Don't worry
about your mother.

I'll find something
to eat, someplace.

Okay, fine.

Darrin,
don't make Mother angry.

She's very difficult
when she gets angry.

Since when does she have
to be angry to be difficult?

You're right, Durweed. I don't
have to be angry to be difficult...

But it helps.

Oh, Darrin, when are you going
to learn that Mother knows best?

And what Mother knows best

is how to be difficult.

Well, so far so good.

It's possible that your mother
has come to understand

that you cannot mix in-laws
with business dinners.

It's possible.

It's also possible
that it don't rain

in Indianapolis
in the summertime.

Sam.
Well.

You talk about women's lib.

Why, to me it's laughable. Any
woman worth her salt can make it

if she has
the will and the talent.

Why, I started my own
company at the age of 25.

Is that right? My, that's really
impressive.

You must be very proud
of you wife, Mr. Franklin.

Hmm?

Oh, yes, indeed.
She's quite remarkable.

Thank you, dear.

You're slouching.

Oh, speaking of business, I think you
should know, that we at McMann and Tate

consider Stephens to be our
number one creative talent.

Tate, don't you think
you're being a little outre?

I am?

Where?

I mean, if we're
going to discuss business,

wouldn't it be more civilized
to wait till we've had a drink?

Well, here are the drinks.

Good, now we can
discuss business.

Here you are, Larry.
Oh, thank you.

Darrin, do you know what
Cora May was telling me?

What? She started her own
company when she was only 25.

Really? Well, that makes it
a very young company.

Oh, I see your plan,
you old fox.

You've assigned the charmer on
your staff to my account, haven't you?

Don't you try to
con me with flattery,

because you'll be
wasting your time.

I am interested in one thing
and one thing only

and that is results.
Right, Walter?

Right, made 25 years of
age. Isn't that remarkable?

You haven't even
been listening.

Yes, I have, dear.
What did you say?

I said...

Here we are.

She comes in
beauty like the night.

Bearing tidbits
from Olympian heights.

My goodness! You better save
your poetry until you've tasted those.

Speaking of poetry,

I had a great idea today
for a slogan for my dress line.

I'll give it to you gentlemen,
for nothing.

Great, Cora May.
Let's hear it.

Ready? Walter.

Whatever you say, dear.
Well, I haven't said anything yet.

Oh, what's the slogan,
Mrs. Franklin?

Well, it goes like this.

Confucius say,
"Don't be messy-messy,

"buy a Cora May dressy-wessy."

Oh, that's cute.

Yeah.
That's great, Cora May.

We'd never have thought of
it. Darrin, make a note of that.

We'd better discuss it
at the meeting tomorrow.

[Darrin] Oh, I don't
have to make a note of that,

because I couldn't
possibly forget it.

But, in truth,
I must admit...

It's very forgettable.

What was that you said?

Well, I mean

"Messy-messy,
dressy-wessy..."

You were kidding,
weren't you?

Darrin, you must admit,
it's pretty catchy.

Oh, relax, Larry.

I know the Cora May account
is a pet of yours

and that's the reason
you should be truthful.

That's right, Darrin. Cora May's
account is very important to me.

Let's not forget it.

Let's also not forget...

If anybody laughs at my pet
accounts, it's going to be me.

"Dressy-wessy."
Oh, boy.

Larry. Darrin.

Hey, now, come on,
stop clowning around.

Mrs. Franklin's apt
to take you seriously.

Stop teasing
Mrs. Franklin.

They always do this
with a new account.

It's sort of
a little game they play.

They must lose quite a
few accounts that way.

Oh...
Rarely, rarely.

They're very careful to do it
only with a client

they know has
a terrific sense of humor.

Oh. Well, that's one thing
you can say about me

with no fear of
contradiction. Right, Walter?

[Walter] You're
absolutely right, dear.

A sense of humor

has always been an important
ingredient in my success.

Why, I could always
laugh at misfortune

in those grim days

when I was pulling myself
up the ladder, rung by rung.

I worked my way up in
the dress business, until...

Why don't you
knock it off, Cora May?

What did you say, dear?

You didn't work your way
into the dress business.

You were kicked
into it, by your father

who gave you
$25,000 to leave home.

Walter,
how can you talk like that?

Easy, dear,
because it's the truth.

But, but, but... I have had
it up to here, Cora May,

with that Horatio Alger
bit of yours.

Walter!

Uh, Mrs. Franklin, suppose
we get back to business.

Yes, I...

I think business is only the
safe subject we can discuss.

Right.
Wrong.

For years, I have been
clamming up while she sounded off

about being
the great career woman,

playing "I Love Me" on
her big fat trombone.

And Cora May, don't you
ever jab me in the ribs again.

Do you have
anything else to say, dear?

Yes, something I've been
wanting to say for a long time.

When you put "career"
in front of "woman"

a large part of
the woman disappears.

There's more,
but that'll do for starters.

Oh, well, uh...

I think
I'll check my roast

while Darrin
changes the subject.

Hasn't it been warm?

Lately.

Mother!

I know you're behind this.

I also know what
you're trying to prove.

And if it'll make you feel any
better, you have proven your point!

You're creating
a disaster out there!

"You were right.

"Mother knows best.
Message enclosed."

Oh!

"You ain't seen nothing yet."

Mrs. Franklin, I have
a great deal of respect

for your judgment
regarding your advertising,

and I'm certainly willing
to exchange campaign ideas.

Except when you start throwing
around nonsense like "dressy-wessy."

Oh, no. Darrin, have
you gone bananas?

Not at all. I think a little
frankness is a healthy thing.

It's also stupid.

Oh, dear.

I don't think so. It's time
somebody leveled with Cora May.

Oh, boy.

And Cora May, it's time
you listened for a change.

Oh, surely, you don't mean
what you're saying, Mr. Franklin.

You never talked to me
like that in your whole life.

Well, you never shut up
long enough for me to.

You know, they say this kind
of a constructive argument

is very healthy
for a marriage.

And Mrs. Franklin, it might be a
good idea if you listen to your husband

and then to your
advertising representatives.

Keep going, my boy,
you're making lots of sense.

Never says a word.

All of a sudden,
can't shut him up.

Walter,
I have waited for years

for you to stop being
the suffering, silent martyr.

I must say you picked a
beautiful time to turn yourself on.

Well,
I am liberated, Cora May.

Mrs. Franklin, I'm
not through... Darrin,

couldn't we discuss this
at dinner?

Is dinner ready?

No. I thought the dining
room might be safer.

I think Samantha's
absolutely right.

We should postpone
this discussion until...

Until right now. Darrin, there
are many ways of handling clients

and this isn't any of them.

Cora May, we don't tell you
how to make your dresses.

And we don't want you
telling us

how to handle
your advertising.

Well, why aren't you laughing,
Cora May?

What happened to that
sense of humor of yours

that got you
through those dark days

when you were
climbing the ladder?

Mrs. Franklin,
if you would just leave

the creative side of advertising
In our capable hands, we...

Darrin,
why don't you let Larry

tell Mrs. Franklin
where to get off?

He's the boss.

Sweetheart,
would you mind butting out?

Well! Darrin, you stop
picking on your wife.

She's a nice,
lovely, charming lady.

Right.

For heaven's sakes,
Walter, turn it off.

Where are your manners?
You're a guest in this house.

Oh, Mrs. Franklin,
don't worry about that.

I mean...
I'm not finished yet.

Neither am I.
I have a lot to say.

Cora May, why don't you
just keep quiet for a change?

Just who do you think
you're talking to?

Me.
He was talking to me.

No, I was talking to my wife,
and I am not finished yet.

I believe I was
doing the talking.

You were, you were.

Please... Couldn't I interest
anyone in some rare roast pork?

I have not finished
what I have to say. I...

Cora May...

Darrin?
Oh, excuse me.

What would you
like for breakfast?

Dinner.
Well, it's all still in there

and it's not rare anymore.

Forget it. I wish I could
forget the whole evening.

Did you get in touch
with your mother?

Mmm-hmm. Finally.
And got a confession.

Here's the culprit. Mother
put a truth spell on it.

She wanted to prove

that mortals can't stand to
tell the truth to one another.

Well, this mortal can
stand telling the truth.

Your mother pulled a low,
sneaky, mean, underhanded trick.

How's that for the truth?

I'll get it.

Oh, Larry.
Good morning, Samantha.

Lovely dinner.

Well, it's all still
out there, if you want some.

Hi, Darrin. I just dropped
by to let you know

I was practically
up all night

trying to calm down
Cora May and her husband.

With a lot of smooth talk,
and a little infighting

I managed to
salvage the account.

But I do think
you owe her an apology.

Well, Larry, I...
Darrin.

There's no need
for him to apologize.

You'll just have to
get along without one.

Well, maybe I can get along
without him at the office, too.

Well, Larry, if that's the way
you feel, go ahead and try it.

You've got a deal.

That's the worst deal
I ever made in my life.

I need you at the office, Darrin, you
know that. I can't get along without you.

[Sam] Oh, isn't it
nice to hear the truth?

What about
Mr. and Mrs. Franklin?

Actually, I wasn't up
with them last night.

Cora May called
me this morning.

It seems that they continued
that donnybrook they were having

and cleared up a lot of
old misunderstandings.

They're happy as larks.

Actually, Larry, everything
turned out beautifully.

I guess so.

I can't wait
to tell Mother.

Mother?

Yeah, she just
loves happy endings.

Oh!

Well, I'll see you
later at the office, Darrin.

This little fellow
really works, doesn't he?

Let me give it a test.

Honey, you're beautiful,
sweet, clever, adorable,

and I love you madly.

It works.
Well, it doesn't work on me,

But I love you.

And that is the truth,
the whole truth and...

Et cetera.