All language subtitles for Bewitched.S08E08.TV.or.Not.TV.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

Wowee, kids,
wasn't that a funny cartoon?

I bet you never thought
it was going to end, did you?

Neither did I.

Okay, time for lunch.

Now, you have a choice.
What will it be?

Peanut butter and jelly
or egg salad sandwiches?

Shh, Mommy,
we're watching Steamboat Bill.

Well, I'm sure that Steamboat
Bill approves of lunch.

Now, what will it
be? Mommy, please,

you said we could
watch Daddy's new show.

Well, sweetheart,
it isn't really Daddy's show.

He just does
the advertising.

Okay, kids, it's time for
our daily boxing lesson.

You guessed it,
Punch and Judy.

Sock it to her, punch.
Hi, everybody.

My name is Mr. Punch, and
this is the Punch and Judy Show.

First, I'll start things out
by calling up my wife Judy.

Hey, Judy, come on up.

[Judy] I can't.
Why not?

Because I'm busy,
busy, busy!

You better come up or you're
gonna be sorry, sorry, sorry!

Well,
what do you want?

I want a kiss.
No.

All right,
then try one of mine.

Did you like it?

No!

Try another. You'll
acquire a taste for them.

Mommy, how come Punch
always hits Judy?

Because she isn't
a member of women's lib.

What, Mommy?
Never mind, sweetheart.

Punch is just
very aggressive.

Which doesn't seem to bother
your brother one bit.

Now, what'll you have for
lunch? How about a TV lunch?

Okay. Two TV peanut-butter-and-jelly
specials coming up.

[Judy] No!

Boy, you're
persistent, aren't you?

You're also
a glutton for punishment.

Take another
and another and another.

Larry.

How's our
latest contribution

to the humor and culture
of our youth?

Not only have I not laughed, chuckled
or smiled, but I'm actually in pain.

Let me remind you,
you're not a 5-year-old.

But you are the account
executive, so keep watching.

The sponsor
might ask questions.

[Judy] Oh, boy, I'm gonna
have a sore head tomorrow,

I can tell that.
Ow!

That's awful,
the way he keeps hitting her.

You better look out!

Oh, yeah? Well, take another
and another and another.

You're learning real
bad things from this show.

Okay, someone has to put a stop to
all this hitting and it might as well be me.

- Judy, go get my supper.
- [Judy] No.

And another.

[Tabitha] Punch, my mommy
says you're very aggressive

and because of you, my
brother keeps on hitting me.

Tabitha...

That girl. Where did
that kid come from?

I don't know.
I never saw her before.

Ow, ow, ow.

Stop that hitting.

Yeah, where did
the kid come from?

How do I know?

Maybe they added something
without telling us.

Or maybe the director's back
on the funny water.

All you know
how to do, Punch, is hit.

There's, uh...

Wait till I tell
my analyst about this.

Oh, come on,
little girl.

Don't be a spoilsport.
I ain't hitting her hard.

Besides, Judy likes it.
Sam!

[Judy] I sure do. Ow! Ow! Ow!

[Tabitha] Judy only said that
because she's scared of Punch,

but, Judy, You don't have to
be scared of punch anymore.

Where's my slapper? Judy,
have you seen my slapper?

No, but I'll go
get another one.

My goodness.

Thank you
very much. There.

Now, doesn't that
feel better?

No.

Hello? Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Sam, may I ask
what you're doing?

Of course you may.

May I ask why you ask?

Because your daughter
is on television.

What?

She just popped
into The Steamboat Bill Show.

You're kidding.

Sam. There are certain
things I don't kid about.

Do something!

All right, all right.

Oh, Tabitha.

Elizabeth Montgomery in...

Bewitched.

You missed me.

Didn't that time.

Punch, you're setting
a bad example

for all the little boys
watching.

My little brother
hit me because of you.

Tabitha.

Oh, hi, Mommy.
I'm on TV.

No, you're not.
You're canceled.

Now, you come home
right this minute.

I'm sorry,
but my mother wants me.

Punch, don't you forget
what I said.

You all saw that, didn't
you? I mean, it's not just me.

Tabitha,

you were very naughty,
and I am very angry.

But, Mommy,
I didn't hurt anybody.

Well, I'm not too sure.
You might have hurt Daddy.

But, Mommy, how come
you do stuff sometimes?

Only in emergencies.

To correct
something that Esmeralda

or Uncle Arthur
might have done.

Some small catastrophe.

What's a catastrophe?

Something we live with
in this house every day.

Oh, uh,
hi, Larry.

Don't you "Hi, Larry" me,
you sly devil.

Yeah, well, look,

it's really very easy,
very, uh, simple to explain.

Silverton loved it.
Who?

Silverton, the sponsor.
Remember him? He loved it.

Oh!

He just called to say he
thought it was a marvelous touch

having the little girl
talk to the puppets

as if they were
real people.

And I agree with him 100%,

even though
I didn't see it.

Now, as your
commander-in-chief,

I demand to know why
you didn't let me in on it.

Well, because it was, uh,
only just an experiment.

Experiment, my eye. Silverton
wants to use her every day.

The calls to the station
have been fantastic.

That little kid
really got to the audience.

Well, that's
wonderful, Larry.

The only trouble is, uh,
we're not going to be able

to get
to that little kid.

What do you mean?

Well, you see, I just
had an usher, uh,

pick her out
of the audience.

I haven't
the slightest idea who she is.

And after the show, she just
popped out like she popped in.

Popped out, popped in?

Well, that's just
a figure of speech.

We'll just have to
find another kid.

And we will,
we will.

That's a great idea,
Larry.

No wonder you're
my commander-in-chief.

Sam,
how could you?

How could you let Tabitha
do a thing like that?

Sweetheart,
you're not listening.

I didn't let her.

She just popped in
by herself.

I can't watch her
every second.

Sam, this is serious.

Tabitha can't keep on abusing
her powers of witchcraft like this.

I know, sweetheart.

I had a serious
witch-to-witch talk with her.

And she realizes the
full impact of what she did

and promises never to
go TV popping again.

But if she's this
undisciplined as a child,

imagine what she'll be like
when she grows up.

Darrin,

I don't think
your right hand knows

what your left hand
is doing.

Either one of
those drinks is mine

or you're going to be the
fastest drunk in the West.

Sorry, Sam.

I'll get it.

Hello, Darrin. Larry,
what a surprise.

Come on in.

You remember
Lester Silverton,

President of
the Silverton Toy Company?

Of course.
How are you, Mr. Silverton?

The string, Darrin.
Pull the string.

Oh, of course.

Forgive me, I forgot.

Hello, Mr. Stephens,
nice to see you again.

Likewise.

Well,

what can I do for you?

You can mix us two scotch
and sodas in the living room.

Oh, yes.

[Larry] Darrin, you're
going to flip when you hear

the great idea
Mr. Silverton's come up with.

Well, hi, everybody.

Hi, Samantha.

Mr. Silverton,
this is Samantha,

Darrin's charming
and lovely wife.

Oh, Larry.

It's a pleasure.

Pull the string, Sam.

Oh, of course

I like you.
I'd like to be your friend.

How cute.

Well, two scotches
coming right up.

Sit down.
Make yourself comfortable.

Mr. Silverton.

Well, what's the great idea,
Mr. Silverton?

Well,
it's an ingenious way

to find our
little mystery girl.

Mystery girl? Our TV
mystery girl, who else?

[Darrin] But I thought we
were going to get a replacement.

I've already set up interviews
for tomorrow for a new girl.

Don't be ridiculous. That
kid charmed this town.

She's a fantastic find,
and we're going to find her.

I hope so.

Now, what we do
is run a campaign.

"Who is this mystery girl
who has captured

"the hearts of people
in television land?

"Is she the little girl next
door? Is she your little girl?"

The publicity
would be tremendous.

Of course, the person
identifying the mystery girl

would receive
a substantial cash prize.

How much?
Sam.

Well...

[Tabitha] Mommy, Daddy.

I want to say good night.

No, that's okay, sweetheart, You
said good night to us last night.

Hold it.
Hold it.

That's her.

That's who?

The mystery girl
on the show.

Tabitha?

[Larry] Impossible.

Uh, but, Larry, If,
uh, if Mr. Silverton

thinks that Tabitha
looks like the mystery girl,

at least you have
a clue to go on.

She not only looks like
the kid, she is the kid.

Oh, I'm afraid, Mr. Silverton,
That, uh, you're mistaken.

Stephens, not only
do I never make mistakes,

but when I do,
nobody points them out to me.

I hope
I make myself clear.

Perfectly.
Right, Darrin?

Well, I guess that's the
shortest contest in history.

Go to bed, Tabitha.

I'll, uh, come up and tuck you...
[Silverton] Now, just a minute.

I'd like to ask
the little girl a question.

How would you like to be
the star of my TV show?

I'd love it. Can I,
Mommy? Can I, Daddy?

Can I be a star? We'll
talk about that later.

Now you go on up
to bed.

[Darrin] Night, Tabitha.

Stephens, how come
the big secret?

Yes, we'd like
an explanation

and it better be
a good one.

Hopefully, a great one.

Well, uh, will you buy
the fact that I got the idea

to use a little girl on the
show, uh, at the last minute,

so, uh, it was too late
to hire an actress,

so I used Tabitha?

Well, that
certainly sounds reasonable.

Just one thing, Tate, you
know I'm against hiring relatives.

Well, I'm dead set
against nepotism, myself.

Why, even
my own daughter

who happens to be
a very fine little actress

never has
worked on my TV show.

I guess that settles it.
Right.

Darrin,
I'll join you tomorrow

at the interviews for
Tabitha's replacement.

I don't think that'll
be necessary, Tate.

[Larry] You don't? No,
Tabitha stays on the show.

But what about your
attitude toward nepotism?

Stephens, I think you'll find
my attitude toward nepotism

is not as strong as
my attitude toward profit.

The audience reaction to
your daughter spells profit.

Replacing her
might spell loss.

Right. Darrin, I want
Tabitha on that set

first thing
tomorrow morning.

Do I make
myself understood?

Perfectly.

Well, I guess
there's no business

like show business,
is there?

Cheers.

You haven't touched
your eggs.

My stomach can't
get used to the idea

that Larry talked us into letting
Tabitha appear on that TV show.

Well, don't you worry,
sweetheart.

I guarantee you
that Tabitha's star

will be eclipsed
the day she starts,

which is today.

Uh, question.
How?

Well, uh, witchcraft
got you into this mess,

so witchcraft can
get you out of it.

Uh, question...

How?

Answer...

I'm waiting, Sam.

Darrin, why don't
you go to the office,

and I'll phone the answer in?

Question...

When?

Just as soon
as I think of it.

Witchcraft's done
the dirty deed.

Reverse it now
with all due speed.

Gossamer wings,
the words Pell-Mell.

Whisk me to where
the Silvertons dwell.

Time for another
cup of coffee, dear?

Sorry, dear, but I've got
to get to the studio early.

The little Stephens girl
is starting today

and I want to see that everything
goes smoothly. Is she any good?

Good? Helen,
she was great.

She was so natural
and innocent

with those puppets,
she gave you the feeling

that she was actually
talking to real people.

But Robin has a natural and
innocent quality, too, Lester.

I think you ought to reconsider
and... Not a chance, Helen.

Robin's a fine little actress, but you
know how I feel about hiring relatives.

It looks bad.

Well, I gotta get a move on.

Have a good time
at the museum.

So long.

Goodbye, Lest.

Have a good time today,
honey. Bye.

Bye-bye,
Daddy.

Mommy, after the museum,
can we go to the movies?

Of course, dear.

We'll do
anything you want to.

We'll go to the museum,
to the movies, to the zoo,

but if we're gonna
do everything,

we're gonna have
to get started.

I don't like being late
getting to the...

I don't like being late
getting to the studio.

The studio? We're
not going to the studio,

We're going to
the museum.

No, dear,
we're going to the studio.

Why?

Why? Oh, Robin,

don't ask
such silly questions.

Why? I...

I don't know why.

But we're going.

All right, troops.
All right, hold it.

Run through
in 30 seconds.

Watch that.
Lights, lights, lights.

Attaboy. Good. Let's get this
puppet show on the road. Where's Bill?

Steamboat Bill, where is...
Here I am.

Always when
I don't need you.

Would you come over here? I
wanna go through the opening.

I want you high, baby,
high! Not down. Watch it.

Now, when Punch hits
Judy for the third time,

you say, "Punch..." Why do I
have to wait for the third time?

He could have
hurt her by then.

Don't worry, Puppets are
built to take a lot of punishment.

Now, pay attention.
You say...

All right,
you got it?

I got it, I got it. I've been
doing this for 10 years.

Too long.
Okay, everybody, get with it.

Places, please.
Oh, where's my star?

Where's my
little star?

Right here.
Here I am.

Now, during this picnic
scene, Punch hits Judy.

Then I want you to say,
"Punch, I think

"deep down, you don't like little
girls." Now, have you got that?

Look, no
combing, no time. Come down.

Right over here.

Up on camera 2.

And action!

He took
my chicken leg.

He took
my chicken leg.

Punch, deep down,
I think you don't like girls.

Oh, I do, I do. But I
like chicken legs more.

Ow!

You're getting
into very bad habits.

When you're older, you'll
realize that girls have feelings, too.

[Judy] Can't he realize that now?

How many more years
of abuse must I take?

Pick a number
from 1 to 10.

Ow!

That settles it. Judy, I'm gonna
find you another boyfriend.

You are?

Would you, Tabitha?
Would you?

One that doesn't hit
quite so hard?

You know, Judy,
not all boys hit girls.

They don't?

They don't?

Huh! They don't know
all the fun they miss.

[Judy] Ow! Ow! Ow!

Okay, okay.

Cut. That was
very good. Let's take a break.

Tabitha, dear,
I'll be right out.

All right, Tabitha, let's
try on this other dress.

Mommy, when do I get
time to play a little bit?

No, not for a while,
sweetheart.

Being a star
requires a lot of work.

But the director said
I could take a break.

Well, taking a break
doesn't mean you can play.

It just means getting ready
for the next scene.

Okay, Tabitha, I have some
line changes for you, darling.

Here, on page 24. Now, this is
where we do the history lesson.

Let me touch up
her makeup.

Let me smooth out
her hair.

Look, would you leave
my little star alone?

If I don't fit this dress,
it won't be ready for airtime.

Don't smudge
her makeup.

Watch her hair.

Would you all be quiet
while I go through these lines?

Now, Tabitha,
pay attention, darling.

What we're going
to do is tell the...

What are you...
Tell the story of...

George Washington.

George Washington was
a great American statesman

and he stood on the banks
of the Potomac River...

Okay, Tabitha, darling.
That should do it.

Okay, crew.
On stage in 10 seconds.

Oh, go see if Punch and Judy
need anything.

Mommy, I don't think
I like being a star.

Well,
you'll get used to it.

You mean I'm going to have
to do this forever?

No. Not if
you don't want to.

Would you rather go to
the zoo this afternoon?

I sure would.

Well, you're in luck.
I have an idea.

Now listen. Tabitha,
all you have to do

is forget
the name of the president

that threw whatever
it was over...

All right, now,
Tabitha, we're going to do the scene

where you give Punch
and Judy a history lesson.

Hi.
Uh, let's try it, huh?

Tabitha,
start with George Washington

and the silver dollar,
right?

Up on camera 2.

Attaboy. Action!

The story goes that George
Washington threw a, uh...

Threw a...

I just told you,
Tabitha, a silver dollar.

Oh, yeah.
I forgot.

Sorry, Punch.
Sorry, Judy.

The story goes that George
Washington threw a silver dollar

across the...

River.

That's the Potomac River.

Now, what is
the matter with you, Tabitha?

[Tabitha] I'm sorry, Mr. Director,

but I can't remember
my lines.

Don't worry.
Just keep going.

You'll remember.

[Tabitha] But I'm tired.
Tabitha, my dear, you are a star,

and the show must go on.

Now let's take it
from the top.

I'm tired.
I wanna go home.

Me, too.

But she can't go home.
Right.

She has a job to do.
Yes.

What kind of
a pro is she?

She's not a pro.
She's a little girl.

If you wanted a pro,
you should hire an actress.

I have an idea.
What about Robin?

Well, Robin
is my daughter

and you know how I
feel about hiring relatives.

Mr. Silverton,
may I remind you

that Tabitha is
my daughter and she...

And when I need to be
reminded of something, I'll ask you.

Anyway,
Robin isn't here.

All right, troops, take a 5
while we straighten this out.

Get your cameras.

Robin. Helen.

What are you
doing here?

Well, I...
I really don't know.

Well, Robin,
as long as you're here,

I'd like to ask you
a question.

Yes, Daddy. How would you
like to be on Daddy's show?

But you said I could never be
on any of your shows.

I just asked you
a question.

Yes or no?

I'd love it,
Dad.

All right, sweetheart. Let's go
onstage and we'll get you ready.

Maybe someday you'd
like to explain this to me.

Uh, Larry, uh,
you'd never believe it.

Try me.

Well, first let's tell the director
he's got a new little star.

Mrs. Silverton.
Mrs. Silverton.

Hi.
I'm Samantha Stephens.

How do you do?
I'm Helen Silverton.

Yes,
it's nice to meet you.

I'm so glad
Robin got the job.

I'm sure she'll be
just great.

Oh, aren't you going to stay
and watch the show?

I'm afraid I can't.
I'm going to spend

the rest of the day
with Tabitha.

I think I'll take her
to the zoo.

And then maybe
we'll go to the museum.

And after the museum,
maybe we'll go to the movies.

Sam?

Hmm?

Do you know what makes being
married to a witch so wonderful?

What?

Well, for example,
take a day like this.

It's like getting hit over
the head with a hammer.

If feels so good
when it stops.

I am going to pretend you
meant that as a compliment.

[Tabitha] Mommy, Daddy,

is it all right if I say
good night tonight?

Of course,
sweetheart.

Good night

and sweet dreams.

Good night, Daddy.
Good night, dear.

Daddy, was Robin
good on the show today?

[Darrin] She was pretty good.

She got Punch
to stop hitting Judy so much.

I bet you if I were
on the show,

I could get Punch
never to hit Judy again.

There's too much
hitting on TV.

Sweetheart, you're just
going to have to let Robin

handle the campaign
on nonviolence.

But right now,
there's a little hitting

that you can take care
of yourself.

What's that, Mommy?

I want you to hit the sack,
immediately.

Speaking of nonviolence,
where were we?

Oh, yes.
Just about here.