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1
00:00:02,136 --> 00:00:03,236
Okay, so, sweetie,
listen.
2
00:00:03,304 --> 00:00:04,944
It's a three-day
camping trip.
3
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:05,605
Are you scared?
4
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,143
No.
Good.
5
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:07,181
'Cause you shouldn't be scared,
'cause there hasn't been
6
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,006
a bear sighting there
in like two years.
7
00:00:11,079 --> 00:00:12,079
What?
8
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,706
No, you should be more worried
9
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,351
about kids teasing you
and stealing your underwear.
10
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:15,379
What?!
11
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,320
Go, go, go, go.
12
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:18,315
Have fun.
13
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:19,916
Run.
14
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:20,790
Oh, God.
15
00:00:20,988 --> 00:00:22,218
I hope the kids
don't tease him
16
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:23,690
'cause he's
not cool enough.
17
00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,027
(laughing):
Are you kidding?
18
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,433
He has a vaudeville
suitcase.
19
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:28,825
Hey, don't make fun
of that suitcase.
20
00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,626
You know, they smuggled
my grandmother
21
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,028
out of Eastern Europe
in that thing.
22
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,871
We're not a tall people.
23
00:00:34,868 --> 00:00:34,898
But we're
extremely flexible.
24
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,806
MARLY:
It's just so sad.
25
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:42,613
The divorce, the
desperation, the hair.
26
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:44,446
And that suitcase.
27
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:47,082
I think they're talking
about me.
28
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:47,121
And she always thinks
we're talking about her.
29
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:50,579
Why on Earth
would we talk about her?
30
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:51,621
(groans)
With that shirt.
31
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:53,815
And that suitcase.
32
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,287
You know, I am
standing right here.
33
00:00:56,357 --> 00:00:57,457
I can hear you.
34
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:58,655
Just let it go.
35
00:00:58,726 --> 00:00:59,926
Be the bigger person.
36
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,163
I can't be the
bigger person.
37
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:02,559
I did not think so.
38
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:05,230
If you have something
to say to me,
39
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:06,599
you can say it
to my face.
40
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:07,897
You're divorced,
desperate...
41
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,138
And your son
has a ridiculous suitcase.
42
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:11,644
(chuckling):
Yeah.
43
00:01:11,705 --> 00:01:15,505
Hey. Her tiny grandmother
lives in that suitcase.
44
00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:16,836
We're just concerned,
Christine.
45
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,480
I mean, if it
weren't bad enough
46
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,076
that you're divorced,
now the only person
47
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:21,948
who cares about you is going
to be gone for a few days.
48
00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,745
Where is the guy
at the liquor store going?
49
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:26,849
It's not like I'm
50
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,120
the only divorced person
at this school.
51
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,690
No, but you're the
most divorced.
52
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,959
I don't even know
what that means.
53
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:36,855
Yes, I do.
54
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,225
Okay.
55
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:39,273
Let me just tell you something.
56
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:41,698
Yes, I'm divorced.
57
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,169
Okay, my marriage wasn't good.
58
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,867
Not for me, not for Richard,
not for my kid.
59
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:49,539
The only one it was good for
was the guy at the liquor
store.
60
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,280
And yes, it would have
been easier to stay,
61
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,316
but I did not take the easy
way,
62
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,522
and I am reaping the rewards.
63
00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:58,494
I live by my own rules.
64
00:01:58,586 --> 00:02:00,386
No compromises, no in-laws.
65
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,994
I don't have to erase
66
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,755
the lady porn history
on my computer.
67
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,203
You think that I am sad?
68
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,201
I am happier
than I have ever been.
69
00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:13,231
(crying)
70
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:20,638
What was that?
What was what?
71
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,790
(shouting):
Hey.
Hey, Barb!
72
00:02:31,852 --> 00:02:34,922
Long time, no see.
73
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:36,692
Why are you yelling at me?
74
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:36,720
I'm sorry.
You're the first person
75
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:40,492
I've talked to in 24 hours.
76
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,731
I'm not good alone.
77
00:02:42,796 --> 00:02:47,196
I think I'm addicted
to lady porn.
78
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:49,298
Oh, can I borrow
your credit card?
79
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,970
You may not.
80
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,472
I'm getting you
out of the house.
81
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,311
You're going on a date
with me tonight.
82
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:55,339
Oh, wow.
83
00:02:56,910 --> 00:03:00,180
Barb, that is exactly how
the lady porn started.
84
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,051
Stop it.
Okay.
85
00:03:03,116 --> 00:03:04,646
I have a date
with Dave,
86
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,218
and I need you
to go with me.
87
00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:08,017
He said he wanted
to talk to me.
88
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,518
I think he's
going to propose.
89
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,590
Oh, that is so exciting.
90
00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:14,829
One question: Who is Dave?
91
00:03:14,828 --> 00:03:14,858
Do you ever
listen to me?
92
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,830
Dave, the guy
I've been dating
93
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,328
for the last
two months.
94
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:20,500
Oh, right, the pilot.
95
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:22,568
Immigration officer.
96
00:03:22,636 --> 00:03:24,166
With the crew cut.
97
00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:25,468
Bald.
98
00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,169
The basketball coach.
99
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,341
Immigration officer!
100
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:29,679
Damn it, Christine.
101
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,253
Dave!
102
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,282
Yes, Dave.
103
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,476
Yes, the Black guy.
104
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,247
Now you're
just guessing.
105
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:38,447
God, why don't you want him
to propose?
106
00:03:38,519 --> 00:03:40,149
You guys are great together.
107
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,390
Shut up.
108
00:03:41,455 --> 00:03:43,055
We are great together.
109
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,193
That's why I don't want him
to propose.
110
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:45,232
I was thinking about what you
said about choosing happiness.
111
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:49,025
I'm happy now.
112
00:03:49,096 --> 00:03:50,496
I don't want to ruin that.
113
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,374
I like the way things are.
114
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,673
Marriage ruins everything.
115
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,274
I don't know
if that's true.
116
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,436
Exhibit A.
117
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,014
Exhibit B.
118
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,841
Exhibit C.
119
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:03,477
Hey, why am I
two exhibits?
120
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:03,507
(sighs)
I know why.
121
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:08,717
I'm hoping,
when a little time passes,
122
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,752
he'll see how great
what we have is
123
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:13,388
and not be in such a hurry
to change it.
124
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:13,417
Okay.
125
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,618
Me, you, him on a date.
126
00:04:16,690 --> 00:04:18,060
Got it.
127
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,525
All you're doing is keeping him
128
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:20,893
from being alone
with me.
129
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,401
Okay, got it.
Hey, wait a minute.
130
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,263
Let me just ask you one thing.
131
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:25,432
His name is Dave.
132
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:27,399
He's an immigration officer.
133
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,068
Got it.
134
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,106
What are you doing?
135
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:35,914
New Christine's going
to be here any minute.
136
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,446
You're eating
our hors d'oeuvres.
137
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,912
Wow, you're really
going all out.
138
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:42,521
I don't have to go all out.
139
00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:44,553
She's pregnant with my baby.
140
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,588
My work is done.
141
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,294
Your work's not
quite done.
142
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,016
How about a shower?
143
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:50,063
No need.
144
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,534
We're at that stage
where we're
145
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,133
completely comfortable
with each other.
146
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,934
Really? Is anyone
that comfortable?
147
00:04:55,996 --> 00:04:58,366
Because you smell
like a tire fire.
148
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:00,302
(doorbell rings)
149
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,338
It's open!
150
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:01,365
Oh, for God's sake.
151
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:07,880
Hi, Matthew.
152
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:08,941
Aw, look at you.
153
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,509
You're all dressed up.
154
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:11,778
And clean.
155
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,420
You smell like soap.
156
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,823
Well, yeah,
Richard and I have a date.
157
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,685
It's like we're making
a fresh start.
158
00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:20,953
What's that smell?
159
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:22,921
That's your fresh start.
160
00:05:25,559 --> 00:05:27,829
Richard, did you
forget we had a date?
161
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:29,025
No. I remembered.
162
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:30,496
What is that smell?
163
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:33,934
Have you been
killing vampires in here?
164
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,701
I didn't think
I had to shower
165
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,469
if we're just going
to hang out here.
166
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:39,638
Richard, this is supposed
to be a date.
167
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,107
It is a date.
168
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,214
I fully intend
to sleep with you tonight.
169
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,581
I want to go out in public
170
00:05:46,647 --> 00:05:48,747
with someone who gives a crap,
171
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,646
not smells like it.
172
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,385
And, if you're not up for that,
173
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,557
I have got plenty
of other offers.
174
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:56,963
(chuckling):
Oh, come on.
175
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,294
Who would date you?
176
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,128
You're pregnant.
177
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,803
Richard, you have two hours.
178
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,662
If you haven't planned
something special
179
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,101
that shows me
I'm important to you,
180
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,195
I will call one
of the many, many men
181
00:06:07,267 --> 00:06:10,097
who are interested in me
and get it from them.
182
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,468
Are... are you serious?
183
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:13,470
I want romance.
184
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:14,841
I want to be wooed.
185
00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:15,738
I can woo.
186
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,139
I'll woo you
right now.
187
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:19,210
Richard, I swear to God,
if you grab my boobs
188
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:22,219
and go, "Woo, Woo," I'm
walking out of here forever.
189
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:28,188
I wasn't going
to do that.
190
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:31,257
Hey.
191
00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:32,934
How's my makeup?
192
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,503
A lot.
193
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,703
Why are you so dressed up?
Well,
194
00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:40,065
I haven't been out on
a date in a long time.
195
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:42,173
This is not your date.
196
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:46,165
You're only here to keep Dave
from popping the question.
197
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,639
Well, if it's
not a date,
198
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:51,078
then why am I not
wearing underwear?
199
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,554
I'm taking your computer.
200
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:54,954
Ooh. Cute guy.
201
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:57,075
Look it-- he's
headed this way.
202
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,090
That's Dave.
203
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,222
Hey, Barb.
204
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:01,387
Mmm.
205
00:07:01,455 --> 00:07:02,715
Why did you want
to meet here?
206
00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:04,090
I would have picked you up
at your house.
207
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:06,127
Oh, I had to pick
Christine up anyway.
208
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,433
You-you remember Christine.
209
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,795
Oh, so nice to finally meet
you.
210
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,103
We've met many times.
211
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:12,674
I've been to your house.
212
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,643
Oh, of course.
213
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,842
Black, bald Dave.
214
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:19,771
What?
215
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:21,910
Listen, I... I thought
it was going to be just us.
216
00:07:21,975 --> 00:07:23,905
Kind of wanted to talk to you.
217
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,107
Christine's going through
a rough time right now.
218
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:27,549
Her kid is gone, and...
219
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,345
and she's going
through a divorce.
220
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:30,716
Oh. When did you get divorced?
221
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,894
Six years ago.
222
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:36,963
But I am a very, um,
slow healer.
223
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,731
Your table is ready.
224
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,133
Well, uh, this isn't exactly
what I had in mind.
225
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:43,455
Oh.
226
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:47,001
You won't even know
that I am here.
227
00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,607
Is New Christine
still here?
228
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,513
No. She left.
229
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,475
Really? I thought
I heard a woman crying.
230
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:58,914
That was me.
231
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,519
New Christine
is dating many, many men,
232
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,123
and she expects me
to participate
233
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,224
in some kind of
romance competition.
234
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,816
Dude, I don't romance.
235
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:10,159
What do you do?
236
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:11,323
I get them into bed.
237
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,591
The faster, the better.
238
00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:14,630
That's where I really shine.
239
00:08:14,695 --> 00:08:16,655
Really? Wow.
240
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,300
I... I'm just the opposite.
241
00:08:18,365 --> 00:08:21,095
I... I've always been great
at romance and charm,
242
00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:25,268
but then I sort of lose my way
in the bedroom.
243
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,776
Lose your way?
244
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,141
It's a one-way street
to a predesignated location
245
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:33,180
with no wrong turns
and only on-ramps.
246
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:34,646
I don't know. It...
247
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,645
sometimes,
it's a little awkward for me.
248
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:40,187
Um, I have difficulties
with certain maneuvers.
249
00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,693
Maneuvers?
250
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:44,955
There's just one, right?
251
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,758
I am, uh... I'm lacking
upper body strength.
252
00:08:47,828 --> 00:08:50,858
Um, I-I have trouble
holding up my weight
253
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,401
for long periods of time.
254
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,666
Oh, God, God!
255
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,035
Why are you telling me this?
256
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:57,643
What? I thought
we were sharing.
257
00:08:57,705 --> 00:08:59,165
Guys don't talk
like this.
258
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,039
Guys say they're good in bed
no matter what.
259
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:04,008
And if you're not,
you buy a nice car.
260
00:09:04,077 --> 00:09:06,247
I can't afford a nice car.
261
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:07,983
Then compensate.
262
00:09:08,048 --> 00:09:10,918
Join a fraternity. Get a
tattoo.
Speak with an Irish accent.
263
00:09:12,319 --> 00:09:13,919
All right, I get it.
264
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,057
You don't want
to talk about it.Of course not.
265
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,793
I'm a guy.
The last thing I want
266
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:20,028
to hear about is your
maneuvers.
267
00:09:21,128 --> 00:09:22,798
Now, come on.
I need help.
268
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,673
I've got an hour and 20
minutes to woo Christine.
269
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:26,402
It's not that hard.
What does Christine like?
270
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:28,766
I think she likes guacamole.
271
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:30,797
No, wait.
272
00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:32,341
I like guacamole.
273
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:33,935
Hey, do we have any guacamole?
274
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:36,377
My God, how good are you in
bed?
275
00:09:36,443 --> 00:09:38,213
I'm $24,000 in debt,
276
00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,778
I have a ten-year-old truck
and a 30-year-old girlfriend.
277
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,218
What do you think?
278
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:45,252
I think you and I
have nothing in common.
279
00:09:45,318 --> 00:09:46,618
Come on.
280
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:47,887
Tell me what she
means by romance.
281
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:49,215
Well, just make her
feel special.
282
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,919
Just show New Christine
that you took
283
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,091
a long time to consider
what she wanted.
284
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:54,730
Be a lot easier
just to get her in bed.
285
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:55,755
That's where I shine.
286
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,869
So you said.
287
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,742
Wow, everything looks so good.
288
00:10:03,536 --> 00:10:05,436
Not everything.
289
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,435
Dave, can I borrow your napkin?
290
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,654
(giggles)
Oh.
291
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,276
I'm sorry.
292
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,790
(laughing)
293
00:10:18,852 --> 00:10:22,692
It's hard to sit ladylike
on a bar stool.
294
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,286
You know, I-I kind of...
295
00:10:24,357 --> 00:10:26,787
kind of had a whole thing
planned for tonight.
296
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:27,930
Yeah, I-I know.
297
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:30,295
This isn't easy for me, either.
298
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:32,473
I've seen some things.
299
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:36,301
God, you guys
are so cute together.
300
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:40,009
You would make
such pretty babies.
301
00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,543
Babies?
Who's talking about babies?
302
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,008
Nobody's talking about babies.
303
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,676
I'm talking about babies.
304
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:47,145
Hey, so, Dave,
do you want kids?Okay, you know,
305
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:49,254
I-I wasn't planning
on having an audience for this,
306
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,946
but since you're here,
I guess I'll just say
307
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,189
what I have
to say.
308
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:54,393
Barb, uh,
309
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,894
we've been dating
for two months now.
310
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:58,186
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God, oh, my God!
311
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,160
I have to go
to the bathroom.Now?
312
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:03,658
No, no. Dave was just about
to ask you something.
313
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,001
Right now.
314
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:08,165
Oh, this is so exciting.
315
00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,273
What are you doing?
316
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,938
You're supposed to
run interference.
317
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:15,336
But I don't understand why.
318
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:16,778
He's fantastic.
319
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,354
He's charming,
he's handsome, he's smart.
320
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:19,851
I mean, I really...
321
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,383
I don't understand
what you're freaking out about.
322
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:24,018
I'm freaking out because
I don't want to get married.
323
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:25,424
I've been married.
324
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:26,815
I'm not the
marrying type.Yeah.
325
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:28,017
Me, neither.
326
00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,358
I mean, divorce is great.
327
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:31,192
I'm having a good time.
328
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:33,358
(crying)
329
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,166
What is that?
330
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,674
What is what?
331
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,407
Look, just help me out.
332
00:11:46,473 --> 00:11:48,683
Well, Barb,
just tell him how you feel.
333
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:51,212
Well, you know me-- I'm not
good with confrontation.
334
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,678
(laughs)
You're not good
with confrontation?
335
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,017
That's what I said.
336
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:56,552
You got a problem
with that?No.
337
00:11:56,616 --> 00:11:57,886
No. I'm sorry.
338
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,251
I didn't mean to imply
you were good with
339
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,090
(clears throat)
confrontation.
340
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:03,415
Look, if he
proposes to me,
341
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:05,690
I'm going to have to
break up with him,
342
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,229
and that's not
what I want.
343
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,064
The problem is, he
thinks I'm perfect.
344
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,030
Ha. He thinks
you're perfect?
345
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,369
Yeah, he does. You got
a problem with that?
346
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:15,704
No, no. I'm sorry.
347
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,499
I-I didn't mean to imply
you weren't, um,
348
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,140
(clears throat)
perfect.
349
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:21,406
So-So, what do you
want me to do?
350
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:25,254
I want you to go out there
and talk me down a little.
351
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,252
Get the stars
out of his eyes.
352
00:12:27,314 --> 00:12:29,854
See if you could think of
something wrong with me.
353
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:32,117
(snickering)
354
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,615
Okay.
355
00:12:33,686 --> 00:12:37,086
No, no. I'll, I'll see
if I can think of-of something.
356
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:42,063
Oh, um,
357
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:43,999
(clears throat)
Barb will be
here in a minute.
358
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,374
Uh, she's, uh...
359
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:46,572
(clears throat)
360
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:49,743
She's doing number two.
361
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:53,443
I didn't need to know that.
362
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:57,036
You know, there are a few
things
about Barb that you don't know.
363
00:12:57,110 --> 00:13:00,610
I mean, she's loud
and short and mouthy.
364
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:02,220
She's not perfect.
365
00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:04,022
You don't have to tell me.
366
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,594
I hate her.
367
00:13:05,652 --> 00:13:07,622
Uh, what?
Yeah.
368
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:10,257
I've been trying for two weeks
to break up with her,
369
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:11,763
but I can't get her alone.
370
00:13:11,825 --> 00:13:13,755
Break up with her? Why?
371
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,097
She's perfect.
372
00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,102
She's loud and short
and mouthy.
373
00:13:17,164 --> 00:13:19,104
She's the greatest friend.
374
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,026
And-and actually,
I was lying before.
375
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,541
She's only doing number one.
376
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,973
Oh, Barb. Barb.
377
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:31,810
Oh, you can't
break up with Barb.
378
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:32,979
Give her another chance.
379
00:13:33,046 --> 00:13:34,306
She really likes you.
380
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,921
But I hate her.
381
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,654
Okay, I know
she doesn't seem like it,
382
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,348
but Barb is really sensitive,
383
00:13:40,420 --> 00:13:42,660
and she would be so crushed
if you broke up with her.
384
00:13:42,722 --> 00:13:44,692
She's sensitive?
Yeah.
385
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:47,058
Yeah, yeah, yeah, on the
inside.
386
00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:49,497
You know, deep down,
you know, where you can't see.
387
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:52,972
Like, you need one of those
special submarines to get to
it,
388
00:13:53,033 --> 00:13:54,943
where all those blind fish
live.
389
00:13:55,002 --> 00:13:56,602
I get it, but I can't stand
390
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,369
to be with her
for another minute.
391
00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,308
She's mean. I'm serious.
392
00:14:00,373 --> 00:14:02,383
She scares me.
393
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:04,913
Yeah, I know.
394
00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:06,208
She scares me, too.
395
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,579
No, no.
396
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,777
She's bossy and stubborn
397
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,149
and-and inflexible and uncouth.
398
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,249
Well, so what?
I'm all those things, too.
399
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,461
I know.
400
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:16,622
I hate you, too.
401
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,429
What?!
402
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,191
What? How can you hate me?
403
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,760
You just met me.
404
00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,004
If you're gonna break up
with Barb,
405
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,996
can-can you at least do it
in a way
406
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,498
that doesn't hurt her feelings?
407
00:14:29,569 --> 00:14:31,369
How?
Well, I don't know.You're a pilot
408
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:34,008
Tell her they've changed
your hub or something.
409
00:14:34,074 --> 00:14:36,344
No, no. I've had it.
I'm doing this tonight.
410
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,549
I'm going to go get her
out of the bathroom.Wait, wait.
411
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:39,981
Propose to her.
412
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:41,647
Propose? Are you insane?
413
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:43,254
No, no, no, no.
414
00:14:43,316 --> 00:14:45,246
She's really skittish
about marriage right now,
415
00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,788
and she said
that if you proposed to her,
416
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,294
she would break up with you.
417
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,356
It's... It... Be
decent about this.
418
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,264
I mean, it'll still be hard
for her,
419
00:14:53,326 --> 00:14:55,556
but at least she'll be able
to make the decision,
420
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:58,328
and you'd be doing a nice thing
for a nice person.
421
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,228
Who?
422
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,329
Barb!
423
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,171
Oh.
424
00:15:02,235 --> 00:15:03,395
Wow!
425
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:04,670
You really don't like her,
do you?
426
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,437
I really don't.
427
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:13,411
Wow. This place looks great.
428
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:17,020
And it no longer smells
like a sea lion colony.
429
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:19,724
Yeah. Turns out
that smell was me.
430
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,146
Yeah, I know.
431
00:15:21,221 --> 00:15:23,821
There were cats scratching
at our door.
432
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,060
And I remembered
what Christine likes.
433
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,556
Breakfast for dinner
and daisies
434
00:15:28,628 --> 00:15:30,258
and vanilla-scented candles.
435
00:15:30,330 --> 00:15:32,470
Well, it is very
romantic, and
436
00:15:32,532 --> 00:15:34,102
I don't mean to share,
437
00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,537
but I have decided to increase
my upper body strength.
438
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:40,043
I just went to the gym,
and I did 50 push-ups.
439
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,037
Dude, congratulations!
440
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:43,579
Oh, I can't do that.
441
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,053
I may never do that again.
442
00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,482
My arms are useless.
443
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,806
(doorbell rings)
444
00:15:47,880 --> 00:15:49,150
Damn it. That's her.
445
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:51,076
Would you light
this last candle for me?
446
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:53,021
I need you to listen to me.
447
00:15:53,086 --> 00:15:54,386
I can't move my arms.
448
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:56,694
I had to leave my car
at the gym.
449
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:59,086
Ah, I can't deal
with that right now.
450
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:00,859
Uh, I'm gonna need you
to get out of here.
451
00:16:00,927 --> 00:16:02,057
Fine, I'll get
out of your way.
452
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:03,829
I'll be in my room.
453
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:05,626
Oh, hey, could you just throw
me
a water, please?Huh? Sure.
454
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,068
Here you go.
455
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,601
Nope.
456
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,171
Thanks.
457
00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,140
I may need you
to prove your friendship later
458
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,678
when I go the bathroom later.
459
00:16:16,743 --> 00:16:20,453
(doorbell rings)
460
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,224
Hello.
461
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:27,794
I'm so happy
you're here. Come in.
462
00:16:27,787 --> 00:16:30,357
Richard, it looks beautiful.
463
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,763
It's all for you.
464
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,864
You cooked?
465
00:16:33,926 --> 00:16:36,156
Yes, and I hope you're hungry.
466
00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:38,129
It's breakfast for dinner.
Oh.
467
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:40,996
My favorite! Eggs!
468
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,168
(muffled retching)
469
00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:46,170
Oh. And are those
vanilla-scented candles?
470
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,709
(exhales loudly)
471
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:48,738
And everything
smells so clean!
472
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:54,345
(muffled
retching)
473
00:16:56,249 --> 00:16:58,289
Wh-What's,
what's happening?
474
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:01,521
I'm just a little bit
sensitive since the pregnancy.
475
00:17:01,521 --> 00:17:01,551
Sometimes strong smells
mixed together...
476
00:17:04,091 --> 00:17:06,431
(muffled retching)
477
00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:09,203
Oh, is that bacon? Yummy.
478
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,002
Oh, no. Oh, no.
479
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,004
I'm making you sick.
480
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:14,826
I was trying to romance you.
481
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:14,874
Here, I'll get rid
of the smells. (blowing)
482
00:17:18,105 --> 00:17:19,305
(blowing)
We don't have to eat.
483
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,012
We don't have
to eat at all.
484
00:17:21,074 --> 00:17:23,144
We can just talk.
485
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,980
About you.
486
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,145
And how beautiful you are.
487
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:31,445
My angel, my
reason for living.
488
00:17:32,685 --> 00:17:34,185
(vomiting)
489
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:39,030
Where's Christine?
490
00:17:39,092 --> 00:17:40,962
Oh, I sent her
to the bar.
491
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,927
You don't send a woman
with no underwear
492
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:46,029
and that much makeup to the
bar.
493
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:48,439
She's probably on a freighter
to Thailand by now.
494
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:52,411
Sit down, Barb,
I want to ask you something.
495
00:17:55,108 --> 00:17:57,238
Listen, Dave...
496
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,180
Will you marry me?
497
00:18:02,449 --> 00:18:04,379
(sighs)
498
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:06,251
Look, Dave,
499
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:09,389
we've had a great time
these past few weeks.
500
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:09,419
You're a gentleman,
you're smart,
501
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:14,429
you're not afraid of me.
502
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:21,201
And we would make
beautiful babies together.
503
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:21,231
Yeah.
504
00:18:25,772 --> 00:18:27,712
Aw, hell, why not?
505
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,584
I will marry you.
506
00:18:29,642 --> 00:18:31,882
What?
507
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:34,554
Wait, what?
508
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:37,882
Hey, everybody,
drinks are on us.
509
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:40,254
We're getting married.
510
00:18:45,057 --> 00:18:47,627
Oh, Richard, I'm so sorry.
511
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:47,657
You went to all this trouble
to make this the perfect
evening
512
00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:51,903
and I ruined it.
Christine,
513
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:52,934
I'm sorry.
514
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,499
I took you for granted.
515
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:55,937
I should have
treated you special
516
00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,902
from the first day we met.
517
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,340
It's not too much to ask
518
00:18:59,339 --> 00:18:59,369
that I do everything I can
to make you happy
519
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,938
and not just in the bedroom.
520
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:06,909
Although that's
where you really shine.
521
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:09,323
Thank you, sweetie.
522
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:11,216
I'm sorry I put you
through all of this.
523
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,524
I had it in my mind
that I wanted to get back at
you
524
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,916
for lying to me
about your vasectomy.
525
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:17,618
Well, I guess now we're even.
526
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:21,326
I can't believe how
sweet you're being.
527
00:19:21,428 --> 00:19:24,028
I mean, I know how much you
hate being around sick people.
528
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:26,626
Yeah, I'm not great with it.
529
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:28,369
Not great with it?
530
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:28,398
I remember one time, Ritchie
got
sick in the back of your car,
531
00:19:30,237 --> 00:19:31,837
and you threw up out the
window.
532
00:19:31,938 --> 00:19:34,308
We don't have to talk about it.
533
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,882
But here you were,
holding back my hair
534
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:37,907
while I vomited
and vomited and vomited.
535
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:44,153
Well, I love you.
536
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,847
I thought it would never end.
537
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:49,458
I mean, I don't even remember
eating some of that stuff.
538
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,592
What was that big thing?
539
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:50,620
It looked like it had a tail.
540
00:19:54,261 --> 00:19:56,361
The worst part was when
it started coming out my nose.
541
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,369
Remember when a little bit of
it
got on your lip?
542
00:19:58,431 --> 00:20:00,171
(retching)
543
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:05,204
Now we're even.
544
00:20:05,272 --> 00:20:08,542
Christine,
I know you're in here.
545
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,477
I can see your shoes.
546
00:20:12,579 --> 00:20:13,509
Uh,
547
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:13,553
I'm doing number two.
548
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:19,453
Well, you're facing
the wrong way.
549
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:22,287
Hey.
550
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:26,185
I-I hear
congratulations are in order.
551
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:27,729
I'm gonna kill you.
552
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:28,704
Okay, okay,
553
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:29,695
just listen.
554
00:20:29,796 --> 00:20:31,156
I know Barb.
555
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,230
Okay, she just got carried away
in the moment,
556
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:36,440
but she'll come to her senses,
and she will dump you.
557
00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:36,466
So what am I supposed to do,
just play along
558
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:39,411
until that happens?
Yes.
559
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:40,742
You have to trust me on this.
560
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:40,770
I know my friend.
561
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:44,608
She does not want
to get married.
562
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:50,223
And that, kids,
is how I met your mother.
36005
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