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[MUSIC]
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>> What the fuck's happening?
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What the fuck's this feeling?
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>> I'll just check.
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[MUSIC]
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Obviously the food was insanely nice and everything, but there just wasn't enough.
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Like I could fuck up a miney-meeny, you know what I mean?
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>> Don't eat it all.
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>> I assume it randomizes.
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I get it, but does anyone actually enjoy that?
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Okay, you're stressing me out.
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[WATER RUNNING]
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>> Come on, Billy.
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>> You're gonna be great.
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[WATER RUNNING]
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>> I think you've got it, Ben.
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>> I just got all three of my brother's weddings.
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>> What are we gonna do?
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>> We're gonna take in a tactical ship, will you, Jerry?
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Doggy bags and everything.
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>> Shaggy bastard.
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>> So I've been told to tell you that we are down to ten now.
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Are you ready?
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>> One ready mind, you know that?
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>> You know you wait till you're done and run it.
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>> No, no, never.
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>> There's still time.
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>> Why, Martin?
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>> Scared I'll upstage you.
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>> Don't doubt it.
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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>> No, honestly, I shouldn't worry.
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After mine, I'll sound positively presidential.
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>> Your brother gave me some words of wisdom.
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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>> That's what I think of that.
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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>> No, you needn't worry.
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It's family after all.
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>> No, it's not that.
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>> What is it then, size?
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>> You want?
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>> Size?
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>> To put you away?
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>> I can't lie to you.
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>> She doesn't bite.
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>> It's the boys' room after all.
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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>> Bugger, bugger.
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>> Fingers and thumbs, what do you mind?
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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>> I don't bite.
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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>> Enough.
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Come on.
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>> You're taking things.
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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>> At least you haven't shot yourself.
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[FOOTSTEPS]
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[PHONE RINGING]
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>> Testing, testing, testing.
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[LAUGHTER]
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>> I knew that would get your attention.
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Good, right, is everybody sitting down?
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Good.
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It's very nice to see so many familiar faces.
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For those of you that don't know me, I'm the one that pays for all the overpriced booze that you'll drink.
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[LAUGHTER]
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Where to begin?
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Bear with me one second.
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I'll put these on.
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Lucy calls these my hipster glasses.
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I'm glad that fashion is finally catching up with me.
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[LAUGHTER]
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Well, let's start with Lucy, shall we?
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So, Lucy, 50% punk, 50% princess.
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Although I think we'd all agree, 100% Lucy.
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[CHEERS]
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So, before Lucy was born, we were poor as church mice.
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And we managed to put together this tiny deposit for a tiny little flat that was about five foot by five foot square.
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And it had a fold-down bed and this shared kitchen.
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Piss in the sink unless you wanted to walk three flights up the stairs.
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[LAUGHTER]
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And anyway, in the middle of all of this palatial grandeur, her mother came up to me one day and said,
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"I'm pregnant."
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And I was speechless.
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Words literally failed me.
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Actually, all apart from one word, which was shit.
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[LAUGHTER]
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Anyway, I think now is the time to thank Judy.
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So, we may have disagreed.
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Actually, do you know what?
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I'm going to rephrase that.
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No, we always disagreed on everything.
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[LAUGHTER]
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But do you know what?
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I think we got this one right.
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Now, I've made mistakes.
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Actually, looking at the stage of you lots tonight, this might be the biggest one of all.
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[LAUGHTER]
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But you know, my mum was always accused by my dad of, well, as he so elegantly put it,
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he called her a fool for mistaking us little shits for angels.
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Do you remember that, Joe?
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If you want a little shit.
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No, no, I think you are the little shit.
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[LAUGHTER]
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Anyway, look, be that as it may.
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Do you know what?
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Actually, I don't mind being called a fool because, Lucy, you are an angel.
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[LAUGHTER]
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And now I've got this new family and these two fine boys, Andy, Christian.
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Do you know what?
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From now on, please, the door is always open.
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I'm always here.
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And from now on, you can call me daddy.
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[LAUGHTER]
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[APPLAUSE]
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Now, come on, that's enough of that.
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Look, please, ladies and gentlemen, upstanding all, raise your glasses for the bride and groom,
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Andy and Lucy.
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Andy and Lucy.
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[APPLAUSE]
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Hi, I don't know what to say.
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Actually, Martin was -- Martin was -- I guess what I have to say is thank you for that.
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But now for the main attraction.
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[LAUGHTER]
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For the fortunate few who don't know me, I'm Andy's younger, more handsome brother.
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All joking aside, I would like to tell you how honored I felt when you asked me to be your best man all those months ago.
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But first, we must address the stag weekend.
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[APPLAUSE]
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A weekend we'll never forget if only we could remember.
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I'm also sad that all the allegations are unfounded and she was still breathing when we left.
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I'll appreciate you ones.
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I'm just really happy for you.
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[CHATTER]
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I'm sorry.
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All right, good.
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Should we move on?
139
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You two shake hands.
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The water under the bridge, isn't it, Christian?
141
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You shaking it?
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Boys?
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So, how about the fuck up here?
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[MUSIC PLAYING]
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You know what I do.
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I'm telling you, you've changed a little bit.
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I'm not saying a lot, I'm saying you've changed a little bit.
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Last year, all over it.
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But I'm just saying it could be the greatest holiday of your life.
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I know what your dad was like.
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You're exactly the same.
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Remember two years ago?
153
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Yeah, that's what I was saying.
154
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Me, you, my auger, women, folks, apartment, all paid for.
155
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All you need to do is bring spending money.
156
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That's all you need to do.
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Are you feeling it?
158
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Please tell me you're feeling it.
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Listen, okay, I told you this last year, and I'll tell you this again.
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I'll talk about it later.
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I'll think about it.
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All right, let me know next week then.
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You over yourself yet?
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What are you on about?
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No, I'm just...
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I'm just happy for a minute, that's all it is.
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What was that earlier then?
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It's the funniest shit I've seen in my life.
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I'm telling you right now, please, please tell me you think...
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Don't be a dick, Dom.
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Shut up, friend.
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I think you should watch this as well tomorrow.
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The way he does that, the way that's different.
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[applause]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
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[sirens]
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Oh, my back's sick.
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Should I pop this?
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No, no, no, it's all right.
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I'm just playing.
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Just kidding, it's fine, it's just the window.
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What they didn't take, we shall open now, shall we?
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We shall.
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You are correct.
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Are we ready?
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Here we go.
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[cheering]
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[laughter]
197
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Come on, buddy, the jolly good fair.
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Come on, buddy, the jolly good fair.
199
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Come on, let's get out of this rage.
200
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[laughter]
201
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And I, or you, leave a message and I'll probably go and get back to you.
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[sirens]
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[applause]
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[music]
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[music]
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[music]
14224
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