Original subtitles

Subtitling by Acorn Media (re-sync by moviesbyrizzo)

EDWARD: Right, now, Lily, can you hold that perfectly still?

HUDSON: That looks very dangerous.

Are you sure you know what you're doing, Edward?

EDWARD: Oh, it's all right, Mr. Hudson.

It's only the aerial. No electricity involved at all.

Now hold it up high. That's it.

Now, all we have to do is

connect these terminals to the battery.

HUDSON: Now, stand well back, everybody.

EDWARD: It's all right, Mr. Hudson,

it's not going to blow up.

HUDSON: Oh, you can't be too careful.

EDWARD: Right, that's it. Now, we're ready.

Let me see.

Now, switch on and that's it.

[Chuckles]

MRS. BRIDGES: Just as I thought!

EDWARD: Oh, well, you see, it's not really

the right sort of aerial and we're in the basement.

What sort of aerial should it be?

EDWARD: Well, it should be a sort of pole thing

on the roof, connected by a wire.

HUDSON: Oh, that's absurd, Edward.

Imagine every house in London

with a wee pole sticking up from the roof.

[Laughter]

DAISY: It says here you have to tune it.

EDWARD: Oh, that's right.

Look in the paper, love, and see what it says under broadcasting.

DAISY: Oh I can't read it, it's too small. Lil?

LILY: Oops. Ah, here we are. London: 369 meters.

HUDSON: That's right, good girl. That's 2LO, Savoy Hill.

[Frequency whines] - DAISY: Oh!

EDWARD: Here it is. Wait a minute.

Oh. That's it, that's it.

There you are, Mrs. Bridges, listen to that.

Mr. Hudson, there you are.

[Woman singing]

Oh, it's beautiful music.

Sounds more like a parrot squawking,

to my way of thinking.

Daisy.

MRS. BRIDGES: Good gracious me.

Whatever will they think of next?

Daisy, may I have a listen, please?

Daisy, let Lily listen. It's her turn.

EDWARD: Oh, the -- the aerial.

DAISY: I'll take the aerial now.

EDWARD: Keep it still. Mind the wires.

Oh, Daisy, hold it still.

- DAISY: Is that all right? EDWARD: That's it.

MRS. BRIDGES: Where's that voice coming from?

Is it in them bulbs?

EDWARD: No, they're valves, Mrs. Bridges,

and it's in the ether, in waves.

MRS. BRIDGES: Oh, yes, I expect it is.

HUDSON: Wireless waves, Mrs. Bridges.

Do you expect me to believe that

that voice is coming here from Savoy Hill,

all through the houses and the traffic and that?

EDWARD: Yes, truly!

Oh, with the windows shut?

How can waves of air come through solid glass?

Answer me that one.

Well, perhaps they're getting

through the crack under the back door.

Lil! Don't talk about things you don't understand.

Shh, shh, quiet, everybody -- news of sport.

MRS. BRIDGES; Oh.

NEWSREADER: The Football Association Cup final

will be held this year in the new Wembley Stadium.

It will be between Bolton wanderers

and west Ham United.

Switch off the apparatus.

EDWARD: Oh! But --

- HUDSON: Please, Edward. - DAISY: Oh, no, Mr. Hudson!

HUDSON: Oh, yes, Daisy.

West Ham should never have got to Wembley in the first place.

[Doorbell rings]

HUDSON: That'll be the Major's taxi cab.

MRS. BRIDGES: Here, out again, night after night.

Poor, lonely sod.

DAISY: West Ham -- I've always liked them.

MRS. BRIDGES: Where does he get to?

HUDSON: Oh, he goes to his club and plays bridge, no doubt,

like many single gentlemen.

And, like his lordship, the Major is a member

of white's, Pratt's, and, of course, the Guards Club.

[Edward scoffs]

The Hot Cat Club in Gerard Street, more like.

His evening clothes don't half stink of cheap scent.

Here, listen to this.

[Piano plays]

MAN: Here, sir.

JAMES: I say, are you new here?

MAN: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Have we met somewhere before?

MAN: Yes, we have.

The machine gun conversion course in France.

Major Morris, Ricky.

They were splendid guns, those. They helped us win the war.

Yes, indeed.

Would you like something to drink, sir?

Oh, yes, yes.

I think we'll probably start with a couple of Sidecars.

[Song ends, applause]

- Small world, isn't it? - Yes.

We must have a drink sometime. You know, discuss old times.

That would be very pleasant.

Would you like anything to eat, sir?

Oh, yes. Well, what can we have?

Sandwiches. - Not bully beef?

- No, smoked salmon, chicken. JAMES: Chicken.

Chicken would be splendid. And plenty of them. Thank you.

MORRIS: Thank you, sir.

JAMES: Morris, I say, are you...?

Can -- can I help?

MORRIS: No, thank you, sir.

I'm very lucky to be here. It's a good, steady job.

JAMES: Free all day?

MORRIS: Yes.

JAMES: Splendid. I'm -- I'm glad.

[Pianist plays]

JAMES: Would you like to dance?

Make yourself scarce, will you?

There's a good girl.

DIANA: James, hello.

JAMES: Hello, Diana. How splendid to see you.

Won't you sit down a moment?

Oh, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

JAMES: Oh, no, no, I'm here by myself.

Come over and join us. I think you know everyone.

There's Christabella Lum, Davina and Mouse.

No, I don't think I will, if you don't mind.

Sit down and join me a moment.

Ah.

DIANA: What are you doing here, all on your own,

dressed in those funny clothes?

JAMES: Oh, something to do.

Father and Virginia and the children are still

in Scotland, Georgina's in America.

I like this pianist.

I hadn't really expected to see any friends.

We came slumming

because Davina had heard about the pianist, too.

JAMES: Oh. Thanks. Sidecar. Jolly good.

DIANA: But. ..?

JAMES: I anticipated your arriving,

as we used to say in school when doing Greek.

I can't quite remember why.

- DIANA: I shouldn't. - Go on.

JAMES: Had a good season?

DIANA: I suppose so.

I'm rather bored with hunting and the country

and everyone endlessly moaning about the miseries of farming.

I see Bunny's selling Newbury House.

Yes, thank heaven.

Dreadful old burrow, really.

They're going to pull it down and build a big block

of luxury flats on the side overlooking Hyde Park.

I'm meant to be looking after the moving of everything,

but, in fact, I'm staying in the Ritz,

having a wonderful time buying new clothes.

Well.

I'd better get back.

Yes. You're looking very young and very beautiful.

Thank you.

[Whistle blows]

Everybody! will everybody please stop where they are?

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

there's nothing to get alarmed about.

Constable, take their names and addresses, please.

CONSTABLE: Yes, sir, right.

POLICEMAN: Are you the manager? Can I see your --

JAMES: Shh.

[Diana giggling]

Oh!

JAMES: Shh, Shh!

[Diana laughing]

Oh, that was brilliant. How did you know?

JAMES: Hmm? In the army, we were always taught to reoonnoiter

an escape route if there was a danger of a raid by the enemy.

They'll go away soon.

DIANA: Poor Davina and Mouse. I bet they've been nabbed.

Bunny would've had a fit if I'd been caught.

[James chuckles]

JAMES: Wh-where's Bunny?

DIANA: Somewhere in the wilds of Wales, fishing.

He never comes to London unless it's for a dinner or a meeting.

You never come and see us, these days.

JAMES: No.

DIANA: Not for want of being asked.

JAMES: No.

DIANA: No Hazel to put you off anymore.

JAMES: No. No, poor Hazel.

DIANA: Does she haunt you from the grave?

JAMES: No. No, my memories of her are happy ones,

much happier than when she was alive.

We made our peace, I think, before she died.

DIANA: What are you doing this weekend?

JAMES: I -- I can't come up to Somerby.

I'm going down to Sandwich for a couple of weeks' golf,

get some fresh air.

The Danbys have lent me their cottage.

DIANA: All alone?

JAMES: Mm-hmm.

DIANA: Can I come, too? That's if you'd like me to.

JAMES: Oh. Oh, yes. A bit risky.

DIANA: Bunny's absolutely all right.

JAMES: Yes, he is my man, I suppose.

DIANA: Good.

JAMES: I say, you're -- you're cold.

Come on, we can get out this way.

DIANA: Oh, sorry. Oh, Lord, my wrap!

JAMES: I'll come round and collect it in the morning.

DIANA: It's sable, Molyneux.

JAMES: Smelling faintly of Quelque Fleurs.

[Diana laughs]

JAMES: Come on, out.

Oh, just checking the lamps, sir,

in case the electricity fails, like last time.

JAMES: Just like the war, eh?

EDWARD: Yes, sir

EDWARD: Oh, we've got plenty of candles in case, sir.

JAMES: Good.

Do you know, Edward, I mentioned the possibility of a visitor?

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

I've made up the bed in the spare room.

JAMES: Good, good. well, there may also be a servant, a maid.

EDWARD: But there isn't any other room, sir.

Well, I could try in the village, if you like.

JAMES: No.

EDWARD: Well, I could make up a bed

on the settee in the lounge, sir.

JAMES: Yes, well, that may not be necessary, Edward.

We shall see.

I'm sure a maid will be a great help to you,

you know, give you a hand.

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

JAMES: I know I can rely absolutely

on your discretion, Edward.

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Good, splendid. They should be here any minute.

[Vehicle approaches]

EDWARD: I think your visitors are arriving, sir.

JAMES: Oh, splendid, Edward. Show them in, will you?

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

[Door-knocker bangs]

EDWARD: Ahem. Oh, the Major's in here.

DIANA: Hello, James.

JAMES: Hello, Diana.

Huh, well, train on time?

DIANA: I really didn't ask.

JAMES: Some sherry?

DIANA: Gin, please, gin and water.

JAMES: Oh, yes. Yes, of course.

There we are.

I thought we'd eat out.

There are some quite reasonable pubs.

DIANA: I've brought some food.

It would be a bit more sensible to eat here, wouldn't it?

JAMES: Oh, yes, yes, I suppose it would.

DIANA: Rather stuffy and damp.

JAMES: Well, I've just had the fire lit.

DIANA: It's smoking. wet wood. Open the window.

JAMES: Oh, right.

DIANA: That pipe doesn't help much.

JAMES: Oh, I say, l am sorry.

Aren't you going to say you're glad to see me?

Oh, yes. I mean, yes, of course I am.

Tremendously glad. It's just --

DIANA: Just what?

JAMES: Bunny.

Look, if you've suddenly developed a conscience,

why the hell didn't you tell me not to come?

JAMES: I haven't.

DIANA: Right, so no more Bunny, let's get that quite clear.

Yes, Diana.

EDWARD: Uh, my name's Barnes, like the bridge.

VIOLET: Oh, mine's Marshall.

Well, you could've knocked me down with a feather

when I saw who it was.

Could I have?

Yeah, yeah, I mean, well, I mean, I know Lady Newbury,

I've been up at Somerby with the Major for the hunting.

Well, that would be before your time, of course, Miss Marshall.

VIOLET: Lucky we brought our own food,

by the looks of the larder.

EDWARD: Oh, the Major usually eats out.

VIOLET: Oh, I wasn't thinking of them.

Oh. Oh, pat� en croute, eh? Just like Christmas.

Oh, we have it all the time. Poky little place.

EDWARD: Oh, I dunno. It's quite cozy, really.

Mind you, it's not what we're used to.

VIOLET: It's not what We're used to either,

I can assure you, Mr. Barnes.

EDWARD: Yes, well.

VIOLET: Still, under the circumstances.

EDWARD: Do you know, it's not like the Major, at all.

VIOLET: Men are all the same.

EDWARD: I always thought the Marquis was

the Major's best friend.

Well, what's that got to do with it?

Well, you know...

I think you're a little bit old-fashioned, Mr. Barnes.

Or is it that you've led rather a sheltered life?

No, I haven't -- I'm married, to Daisy, our head housemaid,

and I've been all through the war.

VIOLET: Oh, I'm glad.

EDWARD: What, about the war?

VIOLET: Oh, no, about the other.

I much prefer valets who knows what's what.

Is there a cook?

EDWARD: No, there isn't,

but there's a woman that comes in during the week.

VIOLET: No servants? No servants at all?

EDWARD: No. we'll manage.

[Laughing] VIOLET: Oh, will we, indeed?

Well, I was a footman, before.

I mean, I'm pretty handy. I can manage most things.

Oh, I'm glad, I'm glad to hear that.

Well, as it seems We're going to have to spend

quite a lot of time together, you can call me "Violet."

I'm Edward.

Edward. Hmm, quite nice.

Here, what you doing?

VIOLET: I'm just taking off my frock.

It got ever so crumpled in the train

and I thought you'd be a good boy

and give it a little iron for me.

EDWARD: Yeah, but supposing one of them comes in?

VIOLET: Well, what can they say, under the circumstances, Edward?

[Bell rings]

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Oh, Edward, would you rustle us up

a spot of cold lunch -- on a tray will do.

EDWARD: Yes, sir.

DIANA: And a bottle of the Burgundy.

EDWARD: Yes, my lady. Oh, please, sir, allow me.

JAMES: Oh, right. The wood's a bit wet, damp.

EDWARD: I'm afraid so, sir.

DIANA: What a nice, Willing boy.

JAMES: Yes, yes, he's a splendid fellow, Edward, I must say.

DIANA: My girl's a bolshy little stuck-up bitch.

The way she behaves, you'd think she was the Queen of Sheba,

not a draper's daughter from Kettering.

Then why do you keep her?

Oh! She can sew, brilliant with hair.

She makes me laugh.

Your Edward would make someone a very good butler.

Are you scheming?

DIANA: Me?

JAMES: Hmm. - DIANA: No.

JAMES: Oh, yes you are.

Behind that pretty, innocent little face

is a cunning, devious brain.

[Bell rings]

[Laughing] Here, what?

[French accent] Oh, Edward, darling,

I'll have a glass of creme de menthe, please.

Oh, yes, my lady.

VIOLET: Hurry, hurry, boy, hurry.

[Edward laughs, Violet hums]

[Music plays]

Oh!

[Scat singing]

EDWARD: You're going it a bit, aren't you?

VIOLET: It's all right, Edward, darling.

They're out, playing golf. They won't be back for hours.

Oh, do you dance?

EDWARD: Well, yeah, but, I mean, not to this.

VIOLET: Hold on, hold on.

[Edward laughs]

Here, you can't half dance. You ought to go on the stage.

VIOLET: Oh, that was nothing, darling.

EDWARD: Hey, where did you learn?

VIOLET: I picked up that step at Deauville, darling.

It was last season. Everyone was there.

There was Gabidelli and the Casa Murat.

Alors, there was the Prince of Wales.

He was wrapped around Mrs. Dudley-Ward, of course.

Sit down, Edward.

Listen, it was all terribly, terribly gay, but rather boring.

[Contented sigh] I think I'll have a bath.

Run up and turn it on for us, there's a pet.

EDWARD: Here, who do you think I am?

VIOLET: Well, you're quite a nice boy, really.

That's what I think you are.

At home, I have a footman Who's, incidentally,

madly in love with me --

and he'll obey me slightest whim.

Here, I only got you.

EDWARD: All right.

VIOLET: Oh, Edward.

And could I have a hot water bottle, darling?

'Tis for my little bed because it's bound to be damp.

Ooh.

JAMES: Why did you come down here, Diana?

DIANA: Not for a naughty weekend.

JAMES: No

DIANA: It's because I love you, you silly old thing.

I've loved you ever since that awful dance at Crew House.

I mean "awful" because I was 13

and had spots.

I was the scourge of many a governess.

You were still at Eton, tall and slim and beautiful,

and I fell in love.

Because our parents knew each other,

you actually asked me to dance,

out of duty, because you were properly brought up.

JAMES: Did I?

DIANA: Mm-hmm.

When I found myself in your arms the other night,

I felt the same pang.

And now that you haven't a wife anymore,

I'm yours, if you'll have me.

It's taken me a long time to run you to ground.

I'm sure Bunny's always been very kind to you.

Oh, yes, always very thoughtful and considerate,

even when I've been at my most bloody.

Life at Somerby's so dull and decent and organized.

There's no spice to it, no adventure, no risk.

I'm just part of the furniture, beautifully polished.

Bunny's so. . .wet.

[Laughs] Kitty Danby said, the other day,

that you could shoot snipe off him.

That's the sort of bloody thing she would say.

He was jolly good during the war.

DIANA: He was an ADC most of the time.

JAMES: Only the last year.

The heirs and the nobility were being killed off.

The king wanted to be sure of a House of Lords in the future.

Why are we talking about Bunny all the time?

JAMES: You started it.

DIANA: No, you did.

JAMES: Well, he is rather germane

to the issue, as they say.

He's your husband and he's my -- my oldest friend.

Don't you think he'd be most awfully upset

if he knew you'd left him for me?

DIANA: He won't mind a jot once he's got over the first shock.

In fact, I should say he'll be secretly rather relieved.

His family will be delighted that he'll be free

to marry again and find a girl who can produce an heir.

[James scoffs]

I wish I could see into the future.

Why, why did I ever choose Hazel when I could have chosen you?

Well, we'd be outcasts, you know.

You know, Bunny's got thousands of friends

and they're, most of them, bound to side with him.

Be nice to know who one's friends really are.

JAMES: Well, I think --

I think you might be in for a bit of a shock.

I mean, I know divorce is a very commonplace thing, nowadays,

but not for Marquises.

The king and queen won't like it a bit.

I don't mind particularly because I'm not

a very social sort of person anyway.

Are you trying to frighten me?

JAMES: Yes.

Picked the wrong girl.

JAMES: What do you want to do?

DIANA: Go abroad.

We've both got a bit of money. Let's spend it.

Have to live in Paris, of course,

but think what fun it could be -- We could hunt

with Westminster's hounds at Pau,

Brionne for the polo, rent a villa with a wild,

romantic old garden at Fiez.

Oh, there'll be parties all the time.

Skiing parties in the Alps, yachting parties in Greece,

mad gondolier parties in Venice.

I want to go everywhere and do everything.

There's nothing we couldn't do together.

[James moans]

Come on.

VIOLET: Oi, she asked me, ever so casual,

if I like travelling abroad.

EDWARD: Well, that doesn't necessarily mean that, you know.

VIOLET: It's a hint, if you ask me.

EDWARD: Well, I'm not going.

VIOLET: Of course you must.

It's the most wonderful opportunity.

EDWARD: Well, I think it's a disaster.

I mean, well, he could sack me, if he'd like, but I'm not going.

I've got the best little wife in the world at Eaton Place.

Well, it wouldn't be forever.

I mean, think of the money you'd make.

And you'd have me to keep you company.

Think of me and the moonlight and the Taj Mahal.

Oh, yes, they're bound to go to the Taj Mahal.

Even the thought of you, the Taj Mahal, and the moonlight

still wouldn't part me from my Daisy back home.

VIOLET: Oh, I'm sorry, I was only joking.

Oh I don't know, you make me feel a bit cheap sometimes.

I know I show off a bit, say silly things,

that's just my little way.

EDWARD: Don't be stupid.

VIOLET: Here, give us that. You can't sew for toffee.

EDWARD: I know. I generally get my Daisy to do it.

VIOLET: Oi, I bet I'm better than her.

My mum used to say to me "Listen here, girl,

you ought to set yourself up in the dressmaking.

You'd make a fortune."

Well, you're doing all right as you are, aren't you?

VIOLET: Dunno. Listen, I mean, she can be a pig sometimes,

she really can, treats me like dirt.

I'm good with hair -- setting and cutting and that.

I did that when I was young, at home.

Do you know, in Deauville, they've got a shop

that does nothing but ladies' hair, called a coiffeur.

EDWARD: Ooh, fancy that.

You know, I reckon, with a figure like yours,

you ought to become one of them mannequins.

VIOLET: Yeah, it would be nice,

but I think they only have ladies do it, nowadays.

EDWARD: Huh, well, you're a lot more of a lady

than a lot I know.

Ta. Ah, you do say nice things, Edward.

Well, here we are, dear.

[Rain falls]

JAMES: You see, if you make a pong or a chow

by drawing from the pile, you don't have to meld them,

you can keep them concealed in your hand, got it?

Now hang on, you see, you see a pong,

like that, is stronger than a chow, you see,

and an East wind can make a pong out of five one

when west discards a five one,

even though South might want to make it a chow.

DIANA: Darling, I really do think it's the most boring,

complicated, silly game I've ever seen.

JAMES: Oh, it's awfully good fun,

once you get the hang of it -- everyone's playing it.

DIANA: Let's not.

JAMES: How about a game of Bezique?

DIANA: Bezique is for dowagers.

I'm not one yet, not quite.

Please don't smoke another of those things in here.

The whole place stinks of cigar smoke already.

All right, darling.

I know, how about a game of golf or a nice walk, eh?

In this weather?

Well, a spot of fresh air, do you good.

Oh, I've been soaked to the skin once today already.

James, darling.

JAMES: Mm-hmm?

DIANA: Why don't we go and find the sun?

JAMES: Where?

DIANA: Well, France. You've got your car.

I've got plenty of money. We could just nip across.

There's a ferry at 3:00 from Dover.

JAMES: Well, how do you know?

[Laughs] DIANA: Well, I do know.

JAMES: It's a -- it's a bit sudden, isn't it?

I mean, we can't just up sticks and leave.

DIANA: Why not?

JAMES: Well...

DIANA: I think we should pack.

VIOLET: Hmm, what I'd really like to do is

to find someone like you, get married.

EDWARD: Oh, you could do a lot better than me.

VIOLET: Oh, I don't think I could, you know.

EDWARD: Oh, you must have hundreds of men after you.

VIOLET: Yes, but they're all the wrong sort,

only want one thing.

I don't know, all the nice ones, like you, seem to be married.

[Bell rings]

VIOLET: Oh, bedroom. Wonder what she wants.

[Mockingly] EDWARD: Wonder what she wants.

[cough]

- Edward. - Yes, sir.

JAMES: Pack my things, will you?

- Well, yes, sir, but -- - Thank you, Edward.

Well, Hudson, how are things?

HUDSON: Oh, very well, thank you, my lord.

I trust you and her ladyship are enjoying your stay in Scotland.

RICHARD: Oh, yes.

HUDSON: The Major's gone down to Kent for a few days

for a wee golfing holiday.

Yes, he did say something.

-[Doorbell rings] - Oh, that'll be Lord Newbury.

HUDSON: Oh, Daisy will see to the front door, my lord.

RICHARD: Yes, well, now, if you'd bring up some sherry.

HUDSON: Very good, my lord -- I was distressed to read

of the prime minister's illness and resignation, my lord.

RICHARD: Yes, it's a sad business, Hudson.

That's why I've come to London, to help choose a successor.

Not too easy.

HUDSON: Oh, no, my lord.

RICHARD: Hudson, who would you choose -- in confidence --

Mr. Baldwin or Lord Curzon?

HUDSON: Lord Curzon would be my choice.

RICHARD: Why, Hudson?

Oh, well, my lord, Lord Curzon is more --

he's very much of a gentlemen.

Very interesting. Thank you, Hudson.

My lord.

Oh, Lord Newbury, my lord.

RICHARD: Bunny, how very nice to see you.

BUNNY: How are you?

RICHARD: Oh, we're all fine. How's your lovely Diana?

BUNNY: Oh, well, to be quite honest with you,

I don't know, that's why I've come to see you.

RICHARD: Well, do sit down.

BUNNY: Oh, thanks. I've been fishing on the Usk.

Well, there was no water, so I decided last night

to come up and pick Diana up at the Ritz

and take her back to Somerby, but she's not there.

RICHARD: Oh, yes?

BUNNY: This note was waiting for me at the club.

Good Lord.

Well, honestly, I don't believe it.

BUNNY: Well, Where is James, then?

RICHARD: I don't know. I've just got back from Scotland myself.

BUNNY: Well, perhaps one of your servants would know.

RICHARD: Oh, no, no, no, they don't -- I've just asked them.

BUNNY: Well, it's just extraordinary.

RICHARD: Bunny, now, I'll look into this and let you know.

Hudson.

BUNNY: No, no, it's all right. I'll let myself out.

I have a taxi waiting.

Now, Bunny, don't do anything rash, you know?

What can I do on a Sunday?

[Door closes]

Hudson,

do you know the Major's telephone number in Kent?

HUDSON: Oh, yes, my lord. It's --

RICHARD: Just get it for me now, will you, please?

HUDSON: Very good, my lord.

[Telephone rings]

[Ring]

- Hello. RICHARD." Hello, hello. James.

Oh, Father, where are you?

-I'm in London. - When did you get back?

- I got back today. - How is everybody?

Listen, James, is Diana Newbury down there with you?

What an extraordinary question.

I have just seen Bunny Newbury.

He's had a note from Diana saying she's run off with you.

- James? - Yes, yes, Father, she's here.

[Whispering] DIANA: Who the hell's that?

RICHARD". James, have you gone quite mad?

DIANA: Why on Earth did you tell him?

JAMES: Shh!

I am deadly serious.

You must return to London right away.

Yes, yes, all right, Father. Goodbye.

He's just had Bunny round there, brandishing a note from you,

saying you've run off with me, but you can't have done!

DIANA: Yes, I did.

JAMES: What a cheek. How dare you?

DIANA: There's no use shilly-shallying around.

Once you said I could come down here,

I made up my mind, I knew you'd agree!

- Oh, did you? - Yes.

Anyway, I wasn't expecting Bunny back 'til wednesday.

JAMES: What a damn mess you've got us into.

DIANA: No, I haven't. Let's leave, as planned.

Let's go now. It's perfectly simple.

JAMES: No, we can't go now.

It's no good running away, not now Bunny's hit our line!

We've got to go back and sort it out!

- No! - Yes!

Oh.

Well, the whole thing sounds to me like an absolute farce.

JAMES: Yes, Father, I admit it has certain farcical elements.

RICHARD: Well, the consequences aren't likely to be very funny.

Really, James, I fail to understand your behaviour.

I know that morals are pretty loose, these days,

and having a mistress is quite the usual thing.

JAMES: Diana Newbury is not my mistress!

RICHARD: Oh, then I have misunderstood.

JAMES: You know very well what I meant.

RICHARD: Really, James, aren't there enough spare women about

Without you having to pick on

the wife of one of your best friends,

a man in your own regiment, a peer of the realm?

I didn't exactly "pick on" Diana Newbury!

After all, we have known each other since we were children.

If anyone did the picking, it was her.

Oh, that's a very gallant remark, I must say.

It'll sound very good in the court and in the press.

I don't want it to get in the newspapers.

Don't be ridiculous! Of course it will, sooner or later.

And they'll revel and roll in it,

especially if you continue to behave as you have done.

JAMES: Look, Father --

RICHARD: Well, for God's sake, think of the family!

And I do have a certain position.

Oh, I doubt if anything even your wicked, evil son could do

could shake the rocklike foundation

of your shining reputation!

-[Telephone rings] - And you are a Southwold!

JAMES: Hello? Hello, yes. Yes, speaking. who?

It's Bunny.

Well, for heaven's sake, don't talk to him.

Yes, put him on, will you?

Hello. Hello, Bunny?

Yes. Yes.

Well, we can't very well meet at the club.

Why don't you come here?

Right. Goodbye.

James, you must be quite mad.

You must not talk with Bunny Newbury

until you've seen your lawyer.

JAMES: Why not? As you said, he is --

or, rather, was -- one of my oldest friends.

I don't see why we can't talk this out in a civilized manner.

RICHARD: Use your brains -- he is a very rich man and,

I've no doubt, a very angry one, and he can ruin you over this!

Father, thank you very much for the advice,

which I didn't ask for.

I hate to say this, but while I'm very glad

that you and Virginia and the children

should live here, this is my house

and whom I choose to ask here is absolutely my business

and no one else's, and just for this one evening,

I'd be very glad if you'd leave me alone.

His lordship will be dining out tonight, Hudson,

and I should like some sandwiches in here right away.

HUDSON: Yes, sir.

JAMES: Plenty of them. I'm very hungry.

- HUDSON: Yes, sir. -[Door slams]

MRS. BRIDGES: Well, I dunno, I'm sure.

MRS. BRIDGES: Well, I dunno, I'm sure.

First, raised voices upstairs,

then his lordship slamming out of the house,

now, the Major asks for sandwiches.

Sandwiches, of all things! It's like a railway train.

What's happening, Edward? That's what I want to know.

EDWARD: Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Bridges,

I'm not in a position to divulge.

"Divulge"? where do you find these dreadful words?

You are, but you won't, and that's the truth of it.

We all know you was down at that cottage in Kent.

Well, if you know, that's all right, then, why ask?

MRS. BRIDGES: Don't you be cheeky, Edward.

What I always says is if people keep secrets,

it doesn't do nobody any good.

They fester inside and cause trouble.

Don't go on at him, Mrs. Bridges.

If he's been told not to tell, he can't very well, can he?

Oh, Edward, Edward, I really will have to speak

to Mr. Hudson about you, after all these years.

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Bridges. - Oh.

The way she pesters, she's like a bloody wasp, she is!

DAISY: What is going on, then?

EDWARD: Come over here, I'll tell you something.

You won't believe this, Daisy.

You mean, she wasn't staying in a hotel, or anything?

EDWARD: No.

In the same bed, what's more, and not a very big one, at that.

Well, I had to take their breakfast up in the morning.

It was embarrassing.

DAISY: Well, I never did. It's like --

Well I don't know what it's like.

EDWARD: Well, it's not like a fairy tale, I can tell you.

DAISY: So what's going to happen, then?

Well, he'll get married, won't he?

I mean, he'll have to, now, won't he?

DAISY: And then they'll come and live here

and kick the Bellamys out.

EDWARD: Oh no, no, they won't do that, you see,

because Violet -- Miss Marshall, Lady Newbury's maid --

she said that she overheard them talking

about going to live on the continent,

so they'll have to sell the house.

DAISY: They might keep it on.

EDWARD: Oh, no, no, she'll cost him a mint, that woman.

Parties and nothing but the best.

Perhaps they'll take us.

Oh, no, I forgot, she's got a maid already, hasn't she?

- Yes. - What's she like?

EDWARD: Lady Newbury? Oh, she's --

DAISY: No, the maid.

EDWARD: Oh, Miss Marshall.

DAISY: Violet.

EDWARD: Yes.

Well, you see, there was just the two of us there, Daisy.

DAISY: Ooh, just Eddie and Violet, eh,

all alone in a tiny, little cottage?

EDWARD: Now, look, Daisy, nothing happened, I swear it.

[Daisy giggles]

EDWARD: Anyway, she's an ugly old cow.

She's got buck teeth like a rabbit, yeah.

Oh, Daisy, come here. I've missed you, honest I have.

DAISY: Have you?

EDWARD: Course. Now would a --

Oh, beg pardon. I didn't mean to disturb anyone.

Oh, who was that who just came in?

LILY: It was Lord Newbury.

DAISY: Oh, Lord Newbury again?

That's what Mr. Hudson said.

Mr. Hudson said he's getting sick and tired

of answering that front door and he'll be highly delighted

when Frederick gets back from having his boils done.

- DAISY: Hmm. EDWARD: Hmm.

I know I shouldn't be behaving like this.

I ought to be threatening to knock you down

and beating Diana and sending out

all over the place for lawyers and that sort of thing.

JAMES: Well, I'm very glad you have come.

Have a sandwich.

BUNNY: Ooh, thanks.

I've thought an awful lot about this, James,

and I realize that, well, it isn't entirely your fault --

or Diana's, come to that.

Well, you knew her before I did

and I've always known how fond she was of you.

I probably shouldn't have married her in the first place,

but, well, my mother was awfully keen

and, in those days, I was --

well I was very inexperienced in the way of the world.

JAMES: Yes, you were, rather. I remember.

I was dreadfully shy, that was one of my troubles.

I probably haven't been a very good husband.

You've been a lot better than most.

That's nice of you, to say that.

I suppose I've taken her rather for granted.

Do you still love her?

Well, it's such a funny word, isn't it?

Yes, I think I do, as much as ever.

There's never been anyone else.

I shall miss her most awfully.

What I really came to say was -- is --

that I'm not going to divorce Diana, under any circumstances,

but if you tell me

that she truly loves you and you love her and, well --

what does it say in the prayer book?

JAMES: Love and cherish.

BUNNY: Yes, love and cherish,

then I'll give her grounds to divorce me.

JAMES: That's very decent of you.

BUNNY: Well, I was brought up to believe

that no man should divorce a woman.

I know it sounds a bit old-fashioned.

I think it's right.

JAMES: Yes.

BUNNY: I wonder if you could talk to her about it.

I don't think I could face her, at the moment.

Yes. Yes, I'll have to do a bit of thinking and then I will.

I'll let you know.

Goodbye, Bunny.

BUNNY: Goodbye, James.

DIANA: I wish he wasn't being so nice about it all.

JAMES: He is nice.

DIANA: Yes, but it makes it all so difficult.

Perhaps it was being so nice

that made him such a dud as a lover

and me such a dud at being loved.

JAMES: You're not a dud at being loved, my darling.

It seems I should -- I should ask you to marry me.

DIANA: How do you mean, "It seems"?

JAMES: Well, that's the next move in the game.

Well, why don't you make it?

Because, before I do, I think --

I think we should be very honest with each other.

DIANA: Must we? It sounds terribly boring.

[Sigh] It hurts so.

I mean, being honest, like that poor little mermaid --

whenever she took a step on land,

it hurt like thousands of needles.

JAMES: Oh, I don't see what that's got to do with it.

DIANA: Well, it has, sort of.

JAMES: Bunny wants me to promise him that,

if I marry you, I'll make you happy.

DIANA: How can anybody promise? Anyway, you do.

JAMES: No.

No, I don't think I will, my darling.

I don't -- I don't even think I do.

I don't think I can.

Don't you?

No, I mean, even after a couple of days, we were rowing,

going at each other like a couple of tomcats.

Well, that was just because we were all cooped up.

Yes, well, if you're married,

you have to survive being cooped up.

DIANA: Oh, dear.

It's all my fault, I always think I'm right.

There are consequences -- and the world said

"Diana Newbury was a selfish, predatory bitch."

It wasn't all selfish, James, darling.

When I saw you in that awful dive with that woman,

you looked so lost and lonely,

I just wanted to wrap a warm mantle of --

well, of being wanted around you,

to make you feel someone loved you and needed you.

I thought there was still a spark

and that I could blow it back into a flame.

Nope, it was snuffed out five years ago,

in the mud of Passchendaele Ridge.

I'm a fraud, Diana.

I'm not the same James Bellamy you once fell in love with.

I might look a bit like him, but I'm not, I'm a counterfeit.

That's nonsense, you can't blame everything on the war.

You've got to pull yourself together,

you've got to get on with life again, you've got to buck up!

JAMES: I've tried.

Honestly, I have tried, Diana. It hasn't worked.

It's not that I'm particularly unhappy,

it's just that I'm quite happy

to sit and watch the world go by -- success, love.

Let the others get on with it.

I'll just sit and watch.

I'll marry you, Diana, but you must know the terms.

I don't want you to marry me out of decency.

What are we to do?

I don't know.

I haven't got that far yet.

James has made a complete clean breast of the whole thing.

He had to talk to somebody.

BUNNY: Thank you, sir.

It was his idea from the very start.

Well, it does take two, sir.

RICHARD: Oh, I know, I know it does.

No one's trying to say that Diana's entirely blameless.

She does really seem to have lost her head

and now deeply regrets the whole thing.

James? well he's always had a great deal more charm

than was good for him and, well, we must face it,

Women like Diana, the high-spirited ones,

they do need a devil of a lot of looking after.

Not that it, in any way, excuses James's behaviour,

as he admits himself --

but now that he's pulled himself together, he too deeply regrets

the whole thing and the mess he's put us all in.

Well, I've know James all my life, as you know, sir.

I just can't believe he'd do such a sort of rotten,

caddish sort of thing.

Well...since the war, you know, he's definitely been a bit --

but this has given him a great shakeup,

that's why he's asked me to meet you.

Well, it's shaken me up, too, sir.

RICHARD: Well, Bunny, if you'll let me talk to you

like a Dutch uncle -- a good shakeup

doesn't do us any harm, from time to time.

A similar thing happened to me once,

a long time ago now, before the war,

when my first wife was alive.

It shook me up like the very devil, I can tell you.

I paid a great deal more attention to my wife afterwards.

I went out and bought her an expensive new hat,

I remember.

[Chuckles]

This sort of thing doesn't do any real harm.

You know what I mean.

And from what James has told me,

Diana's damn fond of you, really.

Well, I wonder if she'll come back to me, sir.

Well, if you want her, you must ask her.

Buy her a new hat at the same time.

DAISY: You mix the pipe clay and the water into a nice paste

and rub it on the feather, always one way,

and when it's dry, you can shake off the powder

and curl it up at the end with a knife.

LILY: There's a big car stopped outside.

DAISY: Oh, well, that's none of our business.

Mr. Hudson's in the house.

I wish you'd pay attention!

LILY: There's a lady coming down the area steps.

DAISY: Oh, well, best see who it is.

VIOLET: Could I see Mr. Barnes, please?

LILY: Yes, miss. Please step inside, miss.

She wants to see Edward.

DAISY: Who's "she," the cat's mother?!

LILY: No, it's a lady.

DAISY: Well, bring her in.

LILY: Please come in.

DAISY: I'm sorry, miss, Mr. Barnes is not available,

but I am Mrs. Barnes, if I can help you.

VIOLET: Oh! So you're Daisy.

I'm Miss Marshall, Lady Newbury's maid.

DAISY: Oh, pleased to meet you, I'm sure.

Lily, would you tidy up, please?

LILY: Yes.

VIOLET: I've a note from Lady Newbury for Major Bellamy.

I wanted Edward to deliver it personally.

DAISY: Oh, well, if you'd care to leave it with me,

Miss Marshall, I will see that it is delivered personally.

Oh, that's frightfully good of you, Daisy.

Now, I must rush because I've got to pick up Lady Newbury.

She's at Ravelles.

We're going on a cruise, you see,

so there's so much to organize.

DAISY; Oh.

VIOLET: Oh, would you give my kind regards to Edward

and tell him that I think he's very, very lucky

to have such a pretty little wife?

Oh, I'm sure my husband will be desolated

to have missed you, Miss Marshall.

Would you show Miss Marshall out, please, Lily?

Who was that?

DAISY: An old friend of yours, Eddie.

EDWARD; Oh?

LILY: Did you ever see the like of that?

EDWARD: Well, who was it?

DAISY: Can't you tell

by the sweet perfume that fills the air?

The ugly old cow with the buck teeth?

LILY: Oh, I thought she was beautiful.

DAISY: Well, she sent you her kind regards,

but she couldn't stop, as she was going on a cruise.

EDWARD: Yes, well, I must get these upstairs, Daisy.

DAISY: Well, you can take this

up to the Major at the same time.

It's to be delivered personally by you.

EDWARD: Oh, yes.

DAISY: It was Violet's very special wish.

EDWARD: Was it?

LILY: Lord and Lady Newbury are taking her all round the world.

I wish I was going on a cruise.

DAISY: Hmm, I expect Eddie does, too, don't you, Eddie?

EDWARD: Oh, I'm glad it's all right now.

That they're going away, I mean.

DAISY: Mm-hmm, it'll be like a second honeymoon, won't it?

EDWARD: Yes, Daisy.

- And Eddie. EDWARD: Yes, Daisy?

DAISY: I want a word with you later on, personal.

EDWARD: Yes, Daisy.

Well, now that Baldwin's settled in,

I shall go back to Scotland tonight.

JAMES: Yes.

RICHARD: Why don't you come with me?

Virginia and the children would be delighted.

JAMES: No, no, I don't think I will, thank you.

I'm sorry if I was rude the other night, Father.

It was quite inexcusable. I wasn't quite myself.

That's all right.

And thank you for having a word with Bunny.

Certainly seems to have done the trick.

Well, I've had a great deal of experience, you know.

I seem to have been getting you out of scrapes

since you first went to school.

JAMES: Yes.

- Came by hand, sir. - Oh, thank you, Edward.

RICHARD: Well, I must go.

I promised to have lunch at Number 10.

JAMES: Yes.

RICHARD: Goodbye, James, and, uh,

do try and be a bit more... sensible, for all our sakes.

JAMES: Yes, Father. Send my love to Virginia.

RICHARD: I will.

[Door opens and closes]

[sigh]

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