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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:09,340 - ♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom ♪ 2 00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:11,095 ♪ Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom, bom ♪ 3 00:00:11,137 --> 00:00:13,557 - ♪ Mr. Sandman... ♪ - You know, when we have kids, 4 00:00:13,597 --> 00:00:14,987 we're gonna have to go home at night. 5 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,725 What? Who says? 6 00:00:16,767 --> 00:00:18,477 The We Are Not Shitty Parents Handbook. 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,149 That commie rag. 8 00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,107 - Our kids are gonna be cool kids. - Club kids. 9 00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:24,688 - Daylight will hurt their eyes. - Vampire kids. 10 00:00:24,734 --> 00:00:27,534 They'll talk in slang and fall asleep to Charlie Parker. 11 00:00:27,570 --> 00:00:30,070 - Rehab kids. - Every kid will want to be our kid. 12 00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:32,534 You know, I saw Taffy and Dell's baby the other day. 13 00:00:32,575 --> 00:00:35,575 - Yeah? How was it? - Big, loud. 14 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:36,999 Needy. Like Dell. 15 00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,467 If his parenting skills are anything like 16 00:00:38,497 --> 00:00:40,787 his softball skills, that kid is going down. 17 00:00:40,833 --> 00:00:43,423 - A lot. - Their nursery was beautiful, though. 18 00:00:43,461 --> 00:00:46,761 They painted Babar on the ceiling and Eloise on the walls. 19 00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:48,547 - Ours will be better. - Really? 20 00:00:48,591 --> 00:00:51,391 I'm gonna get the real Babar and shove his ass in the closet. 21 00:00:51,427 --> 00:00:53,297 That won't be too traumatizing for her. 22 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,425 Or him. 23 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:59,639 - What? - We have the apartment now. 24 00:00:59,685 --> 00:01:02,515 Plenty of space, parents right upstairs, 25 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,153 always around to babysit... 26 00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:06,570 - Always around. - You're doing great at work. 27 00:01:06,609 --> 00:01:09,649 - Money's coming in. - Dresses are coming in faster. 28 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:13,655 You think maybe... it's time? 29 00:01:13,699 --> 00:01:15,659 Hmm. I don't know. 30 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:17,451 We're close. 31 00:01:17,495 --> 00:01:19,655 It might be time to get serious about trying, though. 32 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,865 - Uh-huh. - I mean really trying. 33 00:01:21,916 --> 00:01:24,336 I could stay home from work all next week and try a lot. 34 00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,876 Every ten to 15 minutes if you want. 35 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:27,300 Talk about chutzpah. 36 00:01:27,338 --> 00:01:29,508 And we will try till we get it right. 37 00:01:29,548 --> 00:01:31,878 And I am nothing if not a perfectionist. 38 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:33,336 Pay the check, please. 39 00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:35,425 If we have to stay in that froufrou bedroom of ours 40 00:01:35,471 --> 00:01:37,391 for the next six months trying, we will. 41 00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:40,811 No food, no water, just a whole lot of trying. 42 00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:42,771 - Leave a good tip. - I always do. 43 00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:44,272 Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant. 44 00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:45,823 Ooh, hey, a cab. 45 00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:48,106 - I'll get it. - Did you say you're pregnant? 46 00:01:48,150 --> 00:01:50,820 Midge? Are you serious? 47 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:52,611 Wait, am I the father? 48 00:01:52,655 --> 00:01:54,865 It's now or never. 49 00:01:56,867 --> 00:01:58,867 All the tour dates have changed, 50 00:01:58,911 --> 00:02:00,351 so I need to remake the kids' schedule. 51 00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:01,961 I could have Mrs. Moskowitz do it. 52 00:02:01,997 --> 00:02:03,917 I can make the schedule for the kids, Joel. 53 00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:06,588 Okay, fine. Make the schedule. 54 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,457 Here's this month's money. 55 00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:10,134 Now, what do we do about Collegiate? 56 00:02:10,172 --> 00:02:11,922 It's an amazing school, and Ethan got in. 57 00:02:11,966 --> 00:02:13,876 - We throw a party, right? - Really? 58 00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,926 - That's your answer? - It's what we wanted. 59 00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:17,390 It's what we wanted two years ago. 60 00:02:17,429 --> 00:02:19,029 - Things are different now. - Ethan at Collegiate. 61 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,556 Esther at Brearley. That was the plan. 62 00:02:20,599 --> 00:02:22,239 Look, it's great he got in, but let's face it. 63 00:02:22,268 --> 00:02:23,768 Collegiate's not cheap. 64 00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:26,191 And we're both working now, and we're both working nights. 65 00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,480 Once this club opens, I'm fucking Dracula. 66 00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:30,824 You're on tour, and even when you get back... 67 00:02:30,860 --> 00:02:32,320 What are you saying, Joel? 68 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,912 I think we should consider 69 00:02:34,947 --> 00:02:36,947 putting him in school in Queens. 70 00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,331 I'm sorry. I wasn't ready. 71 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,297 Let me get a sip of water so I can do a proper spit take. 72 00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,157 -Midge... -If anything calls for a spit take, 73 00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:43,664 it's the words "school in Queens." 74 00:02:43,706 --> 00:02:45,246 Collegiate's on the Upper West Side. 75 00:02:45,291 --> 00:02:46,921 No one in our family lives 76 00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,129 - on the Upper West Side. - Have you heard of a car? 77 00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,979 I am gonna be at the club every night once it opens. 78 00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,455 Ethan starts school in fall. 79 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,336 Where are you in the fall? Let me see. 80 00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:57,393 My, we have discovered a flair for the dramatic, haven't we? 81 00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,678 Dusseldorf, Frankfurt, Zurich, Stockholm. 82 00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:02,352 Great. So, I'll take him, you pick him up? 83 00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:05,191 Joel, our children cannot go to school in Queens. 84 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:08,017 - Why? - Because... Queens. 85 00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,133 - Need a little more. - He has to go to the best school. 86 00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:11,289 He has to be with the bright kids, 87 00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:12,587 or he won't live up to his potential. 88 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:13,820 They say he's advanced. 89 00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,401 - Ethan? - Yes. 90 00:03:15,446 --> 00:03:16,486 Our Ethan? 91 00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,120 - Yes. - Who says that? 92 00:03:18,157 --> 00:03:19,947 - They. - Who's they? 93 00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:22,662 - Them. - Advanced. Ethan? 94 00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,253 They said he shows promise. 95 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:25,518 - "Promise" I can buy. - But, Joel, 96 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:27,579 "promise" can turn into potential at Collegiate. 97 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:30,035 If he goes to Queens U, "promise" turns into, 98 00:03:30,085 --> 00:03:32,165 "Move it, pal, forklift coming through." 99 00:03:32,212 --> 00:03:33,822 First of all, if he gets into Queens U at five, 100 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,169 he's definitely advanced. 101 00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:37,375 And second, I'm not the bad guy here. 102 00:03:37,426 --> 00:03:39,466 Think practically for a second. I have to move out 103 00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:41,141 of the factory soon or it's just weird. 104 00:03:41,180 --> 00:03:43,060 I should find an apartment close to the club, 105 00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,178 so we can put him in a school in Chinatown 106 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,095 if we want him to be behind in two languages. 107 00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:48,814 His grandparents live in Queens. 108 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:51,274 Both sets. And somebody should be with the kids at night. 109 00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:53,105 You had to pick now to open the club, right? 110 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,740 - Great timing. - Hey. 111 00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:56,207 Sorry about the timing, but if you remember, 112 00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,376 you were supposed to be in the homestretch of your tour by now. 113 00:03:58,405 --> 00:04:01,195 No one told me to add two months so Shy could have a breakdown. 114 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,621 It wasn't a breakdown. He was exhausted. 115 00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:05,411 And if Ethan goes to school in Queens 116 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,064 and later finds out he got into Collegiate, 117 00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,331 he will hold it against us. 118 00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:10,794 - We won't tell him. - Someday he will date a girl 119 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,354 whose father is the head of Collegiate admissions, 120 00:04:12,378 --> 00:04:13,438 and he will mention that they were 121 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,612 very disappointed that we didn't 122 00:04:14,630 --> 00:04:15,860 put him in when he got accepted, 123 00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,531 and then we won't be invited to the wedding. 124 00:04:17,549 --> 00:04:19,439 How's he gonna meet this girl? He'll be in Queens. 125 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:20,468 He'll go into the city. 126 00:04:20,511 --> 00:04:21,911 - We won't let him. - He'll find a way. 127 00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,029 We won't tell him there's a city. 128 00:04:23,055 --> 00:04:24,155 You don't think he's gonna know there's a city? 129 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:26,141 - Won't he read? - He goes to school in Queens. 130 00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:27,313 Odds are fifty-fifty. 131 00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:29,231 Do you think this bit is helping things? 132 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,309 I don't want to fight. 133 00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:31,864 I want him to go to Collegiate, too. 134 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,477 I want him to be with the advanced kids. 135 00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:35,864 But I can't afford it, and we don't live there anymore. 136 00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:41,405 We don't have to decide this now. 137 00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:43,489 Shit. I have to... 138 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:45,584 So do I. 139 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:49,079 - Oh, listen, I need a favor. - Hmm? 140 00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,333 Talk to Imogene for Archie. 141 00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,585 The guy's drowning, and she just won't melt. 142 00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,587 - He's still at your place? - Yes. 143 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,919 He's driving everybody crazy. 144 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,514 Plus, he's an insurance hazard. 145 00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,799 There's not a pole in the place he hasn't slammed into. 146 00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:03,013 What's she still so mad about? Did he... 147 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,063 No, no. He's done nothing, I swear. 148 00:05:05,097 --> 00:05:07,887 He said to tell Imogene he misses her, 149 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:10,733 and they can go to the Poconos every year for Christmas 150 00:05:10,769 --> 00:05:12,809 if she'll just let him come home. Please? 151 00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:14,475 Okay. I'll talk to her. 152 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,613 But I'm gonna leave the Poconos out for now. 153 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,980 Archie has suffered enough. 154 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,315 It's 11:15 in the morning 155 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,821 here in New York City. 1010 WINS. 156 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:24,124 And here are The Crew-Cuts with "Sh-Boom." 157 00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,000 ♪ Oh, life could be a dream ♪ 158 00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:32,119 I didn't pay. Sorry. 159 00:05:32,166 --> 00:05:34,286 Here. 160 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,804 I'm gonna be a father! 161 00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:38,757 ♪ I'm the only one that you love ♪ 162 00:05:38,797 --> 00:05:43,757 ♪ Life could be a dream, sweetheart. ♪ 163 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:46,062 "One rarely sees anything as mystifying 164 00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,886 "as the production of Miss Julie 165 00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,481 "that took place last night at the Barrymore Theatre. 166 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:54,057 "The experience was almost as if McSorley's closed early 167 00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:56,824 "and its inebriated patrons wandered over, 168 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:59,277 "found a copy of Strindberg's play, 169 00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:01,448 dropped their pants and defecated on it." 170 00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:04,821 "The performance was so debased 171 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,775 "that one could almost recommend it 172 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,865 "as an archeological exploration 173 00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:11,331 "into the decay of modern society. 174 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,711 "However, despite the braying jackasses 175 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:16,789 "delighting in Ms. Lennon's bizarre improvisations, 176 00:06:16,835 --> 00:06:20,085 "this production of Miss Julie will be closing tonight, 177 00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,090 one night after it opened." 178 00:06:22,132 --> 00:06:23,302 - Jackie. - What? 179 00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,652 You think I don't already know this shit? 180 00:06:24,676 --> 00:06:25,886 Shut the fuck up. 181 00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,598 They say there is no bad press. 182 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:30,428 That in your hand is some grade A bad press. 183 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,644 All right, fuckers. This is it. 184 00:06:32,684 --> 00:06:34,394 Washington Square Park is to the left 185 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,556 if you give a shit. 186 00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,565 Hot water's out again. 187 00:06:38,607 --> 00:06:41,027 I'm gonna go check the water heater. 188 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,488 Jesus, nobody wants to leave this apartment? 189 00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,448 Hello. 190 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:54,155 Hey, Suz. Listen, I have something I need to tell you. 191 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:55,616 A-Are you sitting down? 192 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,962 Yeah. 193 00:07:01,004 --> 00:07:02,214 Mom's dead. 194 00:07:02,256 --> 00:07:05,216 Oh, Jesus. You scared me for a minute, Tess. 195 00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,889 Didn't need to be sitting for that. What happened? 196 00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,058 - Her liver strangle her in her sleep? - No. 197 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,117 She tried to crawl out of the window of the nursing home 198 00:07:12,141 --> 00:07:14,021 to go find some booze, and she fell. 199 00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:15,849 - Shit. - Three stories. 200 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,234 Fuck. Bad way to go. 201 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:18,691 No. No, she survived the fall, 202 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,070 but then she rolled off the dock into the water. 203 00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:23,398 - So she drowned? - No. She was dog-paddling 204 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:25,613 back to the docks and got hit by a boat. 205 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,864 Holy Christ. 206 00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:29,115 But she survived that. They got her out, 207 00:07:29,158 --> 00:07:31,538 took her to a hospital, and she got an infection. 208 00:07:31,577 --> 00:07:33,367 I'm sorry, is she dead yet? 209 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:34,962 Yep. Choked on the meds. 210 00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:36,617 Well, lady sure knew how to make an exit. 211 00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:37,845 Now we got to figure out the house. 212 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,635 I don't really give a shit about that hellhole, 213 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,958 - to be perfectly honest. - You know, she left it to us. 214 00:07:42,004 --> 00:07:44,264 What? I-Impossible. 215 00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:46,468 I'm going over her will. It says, 216 00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:49,338 "The house goes to the girls, 'cause my piece of shit son 217 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:51,096 looks and smells just like his father." 218 00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,388 Boy, she really hated Artie. 219 00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,391 Remember when she tried to convince him 220 00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:55,733 he wasn't really hers 221 00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,157 and he should go find his real family? 222 00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:58,596 He was gone for a whole week. 223 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,355 Yeah. That was fun. 224 00:08:00,397 --> 00:08:02,377 All right, look, I got to go. Uh, we'll figure something out. 225 00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:05,399 - Drink something, and I'll call you later. - Yeah. 226 00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,573 Hey, we ever gonna tell Chester 227 00:08:09,615 --> 00:08:11,695 there's no hot water and no hot water heater? 228 00:08:11,742 --> 00:08:13,162 Fuck, no. 229 00:08:15,579 --> 00:08:17,749 At the Button Club, gentlemen, we will be known 230 00:08:17,789 --> 00:08:19,629 as the spot with the best drinks, 231 00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:21,916 the best bartenders, the best entertainment. 232 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:25,170 Anyone who waters down the goods, they hit the pavement. 233 00:08:25,214 --> 00:08:28,014 Anyone skims from the till, they hit the pavement. 234 00:08:28,050 --> 00:08:31,090 I ordered five minutes ago. Why am I not drinking yet? 235 00:08:31,136 --> 00:08:33,886 Last... crate. 236 00:08:33,931 --> 00:08:35,931 Uh-huh. 237 00:08:35,974 --> 00:08:38,984 Hey, has Midge talked to Imogene yet? 238 00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,789 I haven't heard anything, and I don't want to call her 239 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,252 if she hasn't, because when I call... 240 00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,402 she hangs up. 241 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:44,690 And it's a real hang-up, 242 00:08:44,733 --> 00:08:47,743 like a "bam," Midwestern dairy farmer type slam. 243 00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,948 It's terrifying. 244 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,818 - Joel? - What? 245 00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:53,615 Midge? Imogene? 246 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,449 Oh. I don't know. 247 00:08:55,494 --> 00:08:58,004 Hey, would you mind holding down the fort for a few minutes? 248 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,288 I just want to make sure the fuse box is secure 249 00:09:00,332 --> 00:09:01,812 so we don't have any surprise blackouts. 250 00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,343 Sure. Mm. 251 00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:05,958 - Excuse me, could you... - I'm married! 252 00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:08,974 - I just had a question... - I love my wife! 253 00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:10,797 Mm-hmm. 254 00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:13,392 I want to go home. 255 00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,983 Sorry to interrupt. Just wanted you all to know 256 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:26,022 that my club will be opening a week from today, 257 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,986 and you're all invited. 258 00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,566 There's gonna be good drinks, ambiance, music, 259 00:09:30,612 --> 00:09:32,452 so come on down. 260 00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,409 Or up, actually. 261 00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,750 Oh, and, uh, I was hoping 262 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,867 that maybe someone could get a message to Mei Lin? 263 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,004 I haven't seen her for a while. 264 00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:45,541 We, um, had a fight. 265 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,795 You don't need to hear the details, but I was an idiot. 266 00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:50,088 I tried to call her, but the number she gave me 267 00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:52,302 isn't hers anymore or was never hers. 268 00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,052 I don't know her address. 269 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,854 I know she's in medical school, but I don't know which one. 270 00:09:56,888 --> 00:10:00,348 Actually, I don't really know anything about her. 271 00:10:00,392 --> 00:10:04,772 Except... she's got these great eyes. 272 00:10:04,813 --> 00:10:07,573 And she's smart and funny. 273 00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,987 She's incredibly mysterious, which is frustrating... 274 00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:12,698 and a little sexy. 275 00:10:12,738 --> 00:10:14,158 I'm sure you're all thinking, 276 00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,377 "How could he know so little about the person he's dating?" 277 00:10:16,408 --> 00:10:18,038 It's strange. 278 00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:20,536 Clearly, she doesn't want me to know a lot about her life, 279 00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,119 and, frankly, my life's been a mess this past year, 280 00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:25,455 so I wasn't too eager to share, either. 281 00:10:25,500 --> 00:10:28,960 I was married, and I cheated on my wife, 282 00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:31,274 which is not something you want to tell your new girlfriend. 283 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,878 Not that she's my girlfriend. 284 00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,764 I don't know what she is. 285 00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:38,351 Anyhow, if you could let her know all this, I'd be grateful. 286 00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,638 This opening is a pretty big deal for me, 287 00:10:40,682 --> 00:10:43,602 and it won't be the same if she's not there. 288 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:50,897 Oh, and really stress that eyes thing. 289 00:10:50,942 --> 00:10:53,072 I think she'll like that. 290 00:10:53,111 --> 00:10:55,661 Thanks. 291 00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,706 - Goulash. - Thank you, Zelda. 292 00:11:08,752 --> 00:11:10,962 - Sour cream. - Thank you, Zelda. 293 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,844 Noodles. Don't forget the noodles. 294 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,511 Thank you, Zelda. Do you see a pattern here? 295 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:18,100 - What time is it? - 7:36. 296 00:11:18,136 --> 00:11:19,806 - Four minutes left on my break. - Hmm. 297 00:11:19,846 --> 00:11:21,306 What, Moishe? 298 00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,968 Oh, nothing. 299 00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:25,806 I know you said the written word can change the world. 300 00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,482 Well, I just looked outside, 301 00:11:27,521 --> 00:11:29,481 and so far, it's exactly the same. 302 00:11:29,523 --> 00:11:31,273 - Oh, boy. - You know, Abe, 303 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:33,396 when my father came over here from the old country, 304 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,953 he wanted a little goat farm. 305 00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,277 Who knows why. 306 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,872 The man was convinced goats were the future. 307 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,698 We lived in a tenement on Rivington... 308 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:45,463 12 people, two rooms... And yet this man wanted goats. 309 00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,287 He pushed a cart. He sold pickles. 310 00:11:47,332 --> 00:11:49,502 But he wanted goats. 311 00:11:49,543 --> 00:11:51,483 - You got to pass the noodles. Quickly. In the end, 312 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:54,303 the man dies out on a sidewalk, pickle in his hand, 313 00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:55,759 nothing in his pocket. 314 00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:57,219 No goats. 315 00:11:58,260 --> 00:11:59,930 Is there a point, Moishe? 316 00:11:59,970 --> 00:12:02,510 Really? He'd stopped. It was over. 317 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,926 Sometimes what you want, what you get... 318 00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,516 two very different things. 319 00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:11,482 Don't worry, though. I am on the lookout. 320 00:12:11,523 --> 00:12:13,863 The minute I see that the world is changing, 321 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,990 you'll be the first to know. 322 00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:19,987 But for now, your goat is a pickle. 323 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:22,661 Zelda? - Oh, I have to go. See you tomorrow. 324 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,791 - Zelda! - He's right. 325 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:26,118 He's never right. 326 00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:27,723 I don't know what I thought was going to happen 327 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,667 - with that article. - It's only been a week. 328 00:12:29,708 --> 00:12:32,288 You know what the op-ed in the Times is about today? 329 00:12:32,335 --> 00:12:35,335 The explosion of the deer population on Staten Island. 330 00:12:35,380 --> 00:12:36,510 Oh, Abe. 331 00:12:36,548 --> 00:12:37,968 Lubricious, fornicating deer. 332 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,378 What should be done? 333 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,646 You cannot let Moishe get in your head. 334 00:12:40,677 --> 00:12:42,097 I absolutely forbid it. 335 00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:43,427 I'm ashamed of myself. 336 00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:45,602 Getting excited over an article, 337 00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:48,230 like I won an honorary fireman's badge 338 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,598 in elementary school. 339 00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:53,015 I've made a decision, Rose. 340 00:12:53,064 --> 00:12:55,194 - Mm. - I am going to tutor. 341 00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:58,283 - Tutor what? - Idiots. The city's teeming with them. 342 00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,990 Toss a rock, hit an idiot. 343 00:13:00,030 --> 00:13:02,910 I'll tutor, I'll coach, I'll substitute teach. 344 00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,739 Anything. This stops now. 345 00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,195 I am going to get serious, 346 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:09,705 and I am going to get us out of this house. 347 00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,828 It's 7:39 in the evening, 348 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:15,085 and the world is still exactly the same. 349 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:24,300 ♪ When you touch my hand and talk sweet talk ♪ 350 00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:27,556 ♪ I got a knockin' in my knees and a wobble in my walk ♪ 351 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,889 ♪ And I'm tremblin' ♪ 352 00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:31,895 ♪ And I'm shakin' ♪ 353 00:13:31,937 --> 00:13:33,517 Holy shit, it's a nightclub. 354 00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:34,903 You did it, pal. 355 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,790 You think those ceiling tiles are gonna stay up? 356 00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:39,126 I used every roll of Scotch tape I could steal from the office, 357 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:40,952 so... hope so? 358 00:13:40,987 --> 00:13:42,527 Thanks, Archie. Really. 359 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:43,882 I couldn't have done it without you. 360 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:44,987 No, you could've. 361 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:46,663 But you would've had to buy the tape. 362 00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,791 How do I look? Do I look like I'm in charge? 363 00:13:48,828 --> 00:13:50,618 Mrs. Moskowitz looks like she's in charge. 364 00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,424 Yep. I should've worn a brooch. 365 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:54,627 Attracting quite a crowd here tonight. 366 00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,168 ♪ Comes over me ♪ 367 00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,381 Excuse me a minute. 368 00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:01,131 ♪ And I'm sweatin' ♪ 369 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,134 ♪ And I'm shakin' ♪ 370 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:05,346 - I see you got my message. - I did. 371 00:14:05,387 --> 00:14:07,887 Apparently you said something weird about my eyes. 372 00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:09,891 You look beautiful tonight. 373 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,893 - I brought you something. - Oh, yeah? 374 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,305 Little opening night gift. 375 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,734 ♪ And I'm shakin' ♪ 376 00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,232 'Cause you're gonna run out. 377 00:14:18,275 --> 00:14:21,355 ♪ Feel like I've been run through the mill ♪ 378 00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,663 ♪ I can't move around, and I can't stand still ♪ 379 00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:26,007 - I missed you. - Well, remember that next time you're an idiot. 380 00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,872 Ah, so they told you I was an idiot. 381 00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:30,409 I did not need to be told. 382 00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,413 ♪ Samson was a mighty good man ♪ 383 00:14:32,455 --> 00:14:34,415 You will do anything for a roll of toilet paper. 384 00:14:34,457 --> 00:14:36,587 ♪ Strongest in his day ♪ 385 00:14:36,626 --> 00:14:40,046 ♪ Then along came Delilah and clipped his wig ♪ 386 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,048 ♪ And it looks like you took me the same old way ♪ 387 00:14:43,091 --> 00:14:45,141 ♪ So I'm nervous ♪ 388 00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,636 ♪ And I'm shakin' ♪ 389 00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:49,259 Mrs. Maisel. 390 00:14:49,306 --> 00:14:52,016 My goodness. This is a surprise. 391 00:14:52,058 --> 00:14:53,438 Hello, Mrs. Moskowitz. 392 00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,726 - Good turnout, huh? - It is. 393 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,690 Mr. Maisel worked very hard on the place. 394 00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,862 I'm so proud of him. 395 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,940 Oh, it's a $1.50 cover charge. 396 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,816 Eh, we'll catch you on the way out, Grandma. 397 00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:07,073 Oh, dear. I'm afraid that's not going to work. 398 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:10,905 But luckily, my nephew plays Triple-A ball for the Yankees. 399 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:12,502 He's a wonderful coach. 400 00:15:12,537 --> 00:15:14,367 - I'll be at the bar. - Philly! 401 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,714 That one's on the house. 402 00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,039 ♪ Shakin' ♪ 403 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,043 Oh, no. That's a nickel, dear. 404 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,745 Oh, sorry. 405 00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,755 ♪ Shakin', shakin', shakin' ♪ 406 00:15:22,797 --> 00:15:24,797 ♪ Shakin', yeah. ♪ 407 00:15:24,841 --> 00:15:26,221 Thanks, everyone. 408 00:15:26,259 --> 00:15:28,259 We'll be back after a short break. 409 00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,176 Come with me. 410 00:15:34,225 --> 00:15:35,885 What? Where? 411 00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,895 Midge, you're here. 412 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,107 Of course I'm here. You think I'd miss this? 413 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,608 Thank you, really. 414 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:43,440 I'd like you to meet someone. 415 00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:46,275 Mei, this is my ex-wife, Midge. 416 00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:49,281 Midge, I'd like you to meet Mei. 417 00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:51,664 - You were married? - What? 418 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,241 You didn't tell her you were married? 419 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,576 No, I did. 420 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:55,751 Of course I did. 421 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:56,999 You knew that I was married. 422 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,170 - Nope. - Yes. 423 00:15:58,208 --> 00:15:59,918 Wow, Joel. Wow. 424 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,419 Now, hold on just a second here. 425 00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,251 I absolute... 426 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,916 Shit. 427 00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,224 Just a momentary problem, folks. 428 00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:11,258 Can you just give me one second? 429 00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:12,934 Man, I just bought a drink. 430 00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,722 I'm fixing it. Relax. 431 00:16:14,766 --> 00:16:16,136 - Archie. - I love my wife! 432 00:16:16,184 --> 00:16:17,484 Oh, coming. 433 00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,189 I knew he was married. 434 00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:21,019 - I figured you did. - Good bluff. 435 00:16:21,064 --> 00:16:22,274 Back at you. 436 00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,951 So, you're the girlfriend. 437 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,316 And you're the wife. 438 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,914 I'm going to be a doctor. 439 00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:35,121 I'm gonna play the Apollo. 440 00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:37,831 Music! 441 00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,832 Natives are getting restless. 442 00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,958 Excuse me. 443 00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:59,810 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 444 00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,943 Uh, I'm Midge Maisel. 445 00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,230 Mrs. Maisel onstage. 446 00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:06,074 Hey, thanks. 447 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,189 I haven't played my hometown for a while. 448 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:09,856 I've been touring with Shy Baldwin 449 00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:11,204 for a few months, so... 450 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:15,826 Nice to know that people haven't forgotten me. 451 00:17:15,869 --> 00:17:18,709 You haven't forgotten me. 452 00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:21,327 My kids have completely forgotten me. 453 00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,594 They've gotten very jaded 454 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,166 having a mother in show business. 455 00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,591 I-I showed up the other day. 456 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,269 My daughter pointed to her diaper and said, 457 00:17:28,298 --> 00:17:30,258 "Sweetie, would you get this?" 458 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,180 Then she lit her cigarette, 459 00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:35,138 refilled her daiquiri bottle and fired her agent. 460 00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:38,480 And now both her parents are in the biz. 461 00:17:38,516 --> 00:17:39,886 Oh, yeah. 462 00:17:39,934 --> 00:17:41,294 This is what happens when you leave. 463 00:17:41,311 --> 00:17:42,401 Remember the first time? 464 00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:46,475 In case you don't know, this club is owned 465 00:17:46,524 --> 00:17:49,744 by my again soon to be ex-husband, Joel Maisel. 466 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:54,657 And I am here tonight to say... 467 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,949 that half's mine. 468 00:17:56,993 --> 00:17:58,583 I'm kidding. 469 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,750 Always take the side with the bathroom. 470 00:18:02,373 --> 00:18:05,843 - Joel is a great father. - Aw. 471 00:18:05,877 --> 00:18:08,837 And I just wanted to get up here and tell him that, 472 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,430 because we had a little tiff earlier this week about our son. 473 00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:14,837 Our five-year-old just got into Collegiate, 474 00:18:14,886 --> 00:18:16,966 and it costs so much, we have to sell him for parts 475 00:18:17,013 --> 00:18:18,893 to get the tuition. 476 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:23,652 My daughter is watching this process very nervously. 477 00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:27,266 It's so hard to raise kids when you're married. 478 00:18:27,315 --> 00:18:31,065 It's really hard to raise kids when you're divorced. 479 00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:33,490 But it's not that hard to raise them 480 00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:36,530 - when their dad's a great guy. - Aw. 481 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:37,644 But, Joel, there's no fucking way 482 00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:38,969 our kids are going to school in Queens. 483 00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,303 I'll burn this fucking place to the ground. 484 00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,788 Have a great time, everybody. 485 00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:45,000 And drink up. All proceeds go to Collegiate. 486 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,472 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 487 00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,089 ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪ 488 00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:57,545 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 489 00:18:57,595 --> 00:18:59,005 ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪ 490 00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,265 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 491 00:19:00,306 --> 00:19:01,846 ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪ 492 00:19:01,891 --> 00:19:03,561 ♪ That's what gets results ♪ 493 00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:04,851 ♪ Mama, mama ♪ 494 00:19:04,894 --> 00:19:06,104 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 495 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,805 ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪ 496 00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,266 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 497 00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:10,725 ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪ 498 00:19:10,775 --> 00:19:12,035 - Sorry. - ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 499 00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:13,778 ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪ 500 00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,610 ♪ That's what gets results ♪ 501 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:18,485 - ♪ Oh ♪ - ♪ You can try hard ♪ 502 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:21,873 - ♪ Don't mean a thing ♪ - ♪ Don't mean a thing ♪ 503 00:19:21,911 --> 00:19:25,211 - ♪ Take it easy ♪ - ♪ Breezy ♪ 504 00:19:25,248 --> 00:19:27,418 ♪ Then your jive will swing ♪ 505 00:19:27,458 --> 00:19:29,208 ♪ Oh, it ain't what you do ♪ 506 00:19:29,252 --> 00:19:30,962 ♪ It's the place that you do it ♪ 507 00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,464 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 508 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,215 ♪ It's the place that you do it ♪ 509 00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:35,717 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 510 00:19:35,758 --> 00:19:37,388 ♪ It's the place that you do it ♪ 511 00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,427 ♪ That's what gets results ♪ 512 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,100 Hello, Bernice. 513 00:19:47,145 --> 00:19:48,265 I've missed you. 514 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:49,813 Hi. 515 00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,239 Hello, girls. 516 00:19:54,277 --> 00:19:55,777 Hi. 517 00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,865 Manny. You on a break again? 518 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:04,701 How do you define "break"? 519 00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:05,956 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 520 00:20:05,997 --> 00:20:07,537 ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪ 521 00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:09,042 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 522 00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,593 ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪ 523 00:20:10,627 --> 00:20:11,997 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 524 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,585 ♪ It's the way that you do it ♪ 525 00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,170 ♪ That's what gets results ♪ 526 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,594 ♪ Mama, mama ♪ 527 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:17,843 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 528 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,304 ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪ 529 00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:20,684 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 530 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,350 ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪ 531 00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,768 ♪ 'Tain't what you do ♪ 532 00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:25,216 ♪ It's the time that you do it ♪ 533 00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:27,266 ♪ That's what gets results ♪ 534 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,310 ♪ ♪ 535 00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:31,895 Paulette, hi. 536 00:20:31,940 --> 00:20:34,070 - Have you seen Moishe? - Over there. 537 00:20:34,108 --> 00:20:35,318 He's over there. 538 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,570 Do you notice anything, anything at all? 539 00:20:37,612 --> 00:20:39,412 Just throw it out there. 540 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,277 - They don't match. - They do not match. 541 00:20:41,324 --> 00:20:43,084 So, you see, you would need to find 542 00:20:43,117 --> 00:20:45,787 a very specific person to wear these sleeves, right? 543 00:20:45,828 --> 00:20:47,328 A person whose... 544 00:20:47,372 --> 00:20:49,042 - Arms don't match? - Exactly. 545 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:52,092 Now, I am not saying that this person does not exist, 546 00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,746 but the market is probably small, so why don't we... 547 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,046 Make the sleeves match. 548 00:20:56,089 --> 00:20:57,669 You should be running this place. 549 00:20:57,715 --> 00:20:59,005 Hello, Moishe. 550 00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,550 Well, well, well, Miriam. 551 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,303 This is a surprise. 552 00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:05,765 I was just in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd drop in. 553 00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:07,597 - What did he do? - Who? 554 00:21:07,642 --> 00:21:10,062 - My son. - Nothing. 555 00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:12,653 I just came here to talk a little business. 556 00:21:12,689 --> 00:21:14,769 - With me? - Yes. 557 00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:16,276 You need a dress? 558 00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,737 Always, but that's not why I'm here. 559 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,157 I want to buy my apartment. 560 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,950 - I'm sorry? - Do you still own it? 561 00:21:25,994 --> 00:21:26,954 - Your apartment? - Yes. 562 00:21:26,995 --> 00:21:28,155 The apartment I bought 563 00:21:28,204 --> 00:21:29,224 for you and Joel... That apartment? 564 00:21:29,247 --> 00:21:30,247 That's the one. 565 00:21:30,289 --> 00:21:31,579 - I do. - How much? 566 00:21:31,624 --> 00:21:32,834 - Explain. - Well, as you know, 567 00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:34,915 my career's really taking off now. 568 00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:36,841 - Your career as what? - As a comedian. 569 00:21:36,879 --> 00:21:39,379 But you can't tell a joke. We tried that. It didn't work. 570 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:42,144 Be that as it may, I have been working steadily for a year now. 571 00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:44,046 I have a chunk of a down payment already saved. 572 00:21:44,095 --> 00:21:45,845 I have not spent a dime of my earnings. 573 00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:47,808 My manager has been holding onto all of my money, 574 00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:50,229 so I assure you, none of it is going to hats. 575 00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:52,148 Are you and Joel getting back together? 576 00:21:52,186 --> 00:21:53,976 No, we are not. 577 00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:55,372 Then why do you want the apartment? 578 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:56,608 For me. 579 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,819 For my kids. 580 00:21:57,859 --> 00:21:59,239 For my family. 581 00:21:59,277 --> 00:22:01,527 Hold on. By "family," you mean... 582 00:22:01,571 --> 00:22:03,991 Mama and Papa will stay with me until they're settled. 583 00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:06,032 You have officially piqued my interest. 584 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:07,365 What do you think? 585 00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:09,250 Does Joel know about this? 586 00:22:09,287 --> 00:22:10,507 Moishe, this is not about Joel. 587 00:22:10,538 --> 00:22:11,868 This is about me. 588 00:22:11,914 --> 00:22:13,754 I want to decide where my children grow up 589 00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:15,001 and where they go to school. 590 00:22:15,043 --> 00:22:16,293 I love that apartment. 591 00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,915 I want to own it. 592 00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:21,802 I want to buy it with my money that I earned. 593 00:22:28,264 --> 00:22:30,314 Do you have any collateral? 594 00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:33,768 My contract with Shy Baldwin. 595 00:22:33,811 --> 00:22:35,401 It lays out everything. 596 00:22:35,438 --> 00:22:37,368 Six months in Europe, a variety special in spring, 597 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:38,778 a Christmas special in December, 598 00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,526 both with guaranteed spots for me. 599 00:22:40,568 --> 00:22:42,698 Christmas special, like with Bob Hope? 600 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:44,447 Yes, but without Bob Hope. 601 00:22:44,489 --> 00:22:45,819 Bob Hope does great specials. 602 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:48,155 This will be a great special, just without Bob Hope. 603 00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:50,581 If it's a Christmas special, it should really have Bob Hope. 604 00:22:50,620 --> 00:22:52,410 What do you think, Moishe? 605 00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:57,785 I want you to know that I never liked what my son did to you. 606 00:22:57,835 --> 00:22:59,875 You were a good girl. 607 00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:03,841 I will never understand what was going through his head. 608 00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:06,093 I don't want any favors, Moishe. I don't want pity. 609 00:23:06,135 --> 00:23:08,385 I don't expect you to sell the apartment to me cheap 610 00:23:08,429 --> 00:23:10,639 - just because I'm family. - But it would be nice. 611 00:23:10,681 --> 00:23:13,271 Well, sure. I mean, your son did dump me, and I am family. 612 00:23:13,309 --> 00:23:16,309 Okay, that was a little funny. 613 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,230 So... Moishe... 614 00:23:20,274 --> 00:23:21,654 what do you say? 615 00:23:21,692 --> 00:23:22,962 60 seconds to go in the fourth round. 616 00:23:22,985 --> 00:23:24,065 The usual? 617 00:23:24,112 --> 00:23:25,912 There's no way Patterson's gonna win. 618 00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:29,526 Not too much, now. 619 00:23:29,575 --> 00:23:32,405 I want it to look clean and cool, like Miles. 620 00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:34,913 Your hair looks the same whether he makes it clean and cool 621 00:23:34,956 --> 00:23:36,956 or he closes his eyes and hacks away. 622 00:23:36,999 --> 00:23:39,039 Like Miles... 623 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:40,665 Shut up, Billy. 624 00:23:40,711 --> 00:23:42,261 You're a jealous old man. 625 00:23:42,296 --> 00:23:43,756 Yeah. I'm the jealous old man 626 00:23:43,798 --> 00:23:45,088 who's paying for these haircuts. 627 00:23:45,133 --> 00:23:47,013 Yeah, well... Touché. 628 00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:49,321 If I tell him to stop right now, you'll have half a head done. 629 00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:50,465 Good. That's good. 630 00:23:50,513 --> 00:23:51,513 I look good. 631 00:23:51,556 --> 00:23:52,596 Don't I look good?! 632 00:23:56,269 --> 00:23:58,399 Hey, Susie, what's happening? 633 00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:00,037 - Patterson's going down. - That was not the question. 634 00:24:00,064 --> 00:24:01,524 But it's gonna be the outcome. 635 00:24:01,566 --> 00:24:03,436 Stop moving so the man can finish. 636 00:24:03,484 --> 00:24:04,864 What kind of rush are you in? 637 00:24:04,902 --> 00:24:06,492 There's nothing up there for him to cut. 638 00:24:06,529 --> 00:24:07,989 There is grooming to be done. 639 00:24:08,030 --> 00:24:09,280 I'm not an animal like you. 640 00:24:09,323 --> 00:24:10,373 Susie! 641 00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:12,448 Ingo's a Viking. Vikings win. 642 00:24:12,493 --> 00:24:15,003 That's why you see so many Vikings walking around nowadays. 643 00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:17,037 I got five bucks says the Viking goes down. 644 00:24:17,081 --> 00:24:19,291 - You're on. - I got ten that says he doesn't. 645 00:24:19,333 --> 00:24:21,753 Ingo will kill Patterson again. 646 00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,554 Eat him and shit out his leg whole. 647 00:24:23,588 --> 00:24:25,258 Wow. You do talk pretty. 648 00:24:25,298 --> 00:24:27,298 - I'll take that bet. - You already bet me ten. 649 00:24:27,341 --> 00:24:29,801 - I can bet more than one person. - With whose paycheck? 650 00:24:29,844 --> 00:24:32,114 Hey, ladies, can we get a little quiet in the beauty parlor? 651 00:24:32,138 --> 00:24:34,018 There's a goddamn fight on. 652 00:24:34,056 --> 00:24:36,136 - Smoke this. - Why? Did we fuck? 653 00:24:36,184 --> 00:24:38,734 You know, you are a very tense person. 654 00:24:38,769 --> 00:24:41,119 I just thought when you said we were gonna listen to the fight, 655 00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,877 that we were gonna, you know, listen to the fight. 656 00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:44,859 And catch up before the tour. 657 00:24:44,901 --> 00:24:48,031 So, Susie Myerson and Associates... 658 00:24:48,070 --> 00:24:49,700 Is your client ready? 659 00:24:49,739 --> 00:24:51,159 We're having a conversation now? 660 00:24:51,199 --> 00:24:52,869 - Is she ready? - Yeah. 661 00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:54,719 She'll be shopping right up until curtain, but, yeah. 662 00:24:54,744 --> 00:24:56,454 She's ready. 663 00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:59,615 So, what happened with you and Sophie Lennon? 664 00:24:59,665 --> 00:25:01,205 Nothing. I made a bad call. 665 00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:02,770 - It won't happen again. - Sure, it will. 666 00:25:02,793 --> 00:25:03,923 I've been there. 667 00:25:03,961 --> 00:25:05,501 - Remember Nate Green? - Who? 668 00:25:05,546 --> 00:25:07,466 I thought he was gonna set the world on fire. 669 00:25:07,506 --> 00:25:09,216 Instead, he set a liquor store on fire. 670 00:25:09,258 --> 00:25:11,138 I still take him smokes in Attica once a month. 671 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,757 - Shit. - Yeah, you live, you learn. 672 00:25:12,803 --> 00:25:14,563 But you and Midge, you're getting along? 673 00:25:14,597 --> 00:25:16,467 Yeah. Considering she's gonna make me rich, 674 00:25:16,515 --> 00:25:17,805 we're getting along fine. 675 00:25:17,850 --> 00:25:19,020 She's gonna make you rich? 676 00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:20,480 Have you read your new contract? 677 00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,119 It's just the beginning, pal. You'll see. 678 00:25:22,146 --> 00:25:24,516 There is no one like her in the world. 679 00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:27,645 She's like my dirty, sparkly, good fucking fairy. 680 00:25:27,693 --> 00:25:29,493 - Uh-oh. - What? 681 00:25:29,528 --> 00:25:30,908 You really believe in this girl. 682 00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:32,067 Aren't I supposed to? 683 00:25:32,114 --> 00:25:33,494 - Smells like trouble. - Why? 684 00:25:33,532 --> 00:25:35,162 Just means you can't be objective. 685 00:25:35,201 --> 00:25:37,161 Oh, believe me, I can be objective. 686 00:25:37,203 --> 00:25:38,663 - Mm. - I know when she sucks. 687 00:25:38,704 --> 00:25:40,044 I know when she's an asshole, 688 00:25:40,081 --> 00:25:41,711 or dressed like a mental patient. 689 00:25:41,749 --> 00:25:43,919 She's incredibly high maintenance. 690 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:45,880 I had to learn how to sew on sequins in the dark. 691 00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:48,843 She's always late. 692 00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:50,381 You got to feed her every two hours 693 00:25:50,424 --> 00:25:51,724 like a fucking parking meter. 694 00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:54,009 Shit. I can't get Shy to eat anything. 695 00:25:54,053 --> 00:25:56,263 That boy exists on coffee, gin and compliments. 696 00:25:56,305 --> 00:25:57,925 I don't know how he has the energy. 697 00:25:57,974 --> 00:25:59,684 He's always been like that. 698 00:25:59,725 --> 00:26:02,055 Flashy, jumpy. 699 00:26:02,103 --> 00:26:03,733 But he can sing. 700 00:26:03,771 --> 00:26:05,271 Like no one else in the world. 701 00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,074 That's objectively speaking, right? 702 00:26:07,108 --> 00:26:10,278 Yeah. 703 00:26:10,319 --> 00:26:15,119 It's a strange job, managing another person's career. 704 00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:16,827 You think you're so important, 705 00:26:16,867 --> 00:26:18,737 and then suddenly, you're running around Utah 706 00:26:18,786 --> 00:26:21,286 looking for the kind of toothpaste Shy likes. 707 00:26:21,330 --> 00:26:23,370 Who the fuck listens to Shy in Utah? 708 00:26:24,458 --> 00:26:25,538 Now, don't get me wrong. 709 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,254 I'm not complaining. 710 00:26:27,295 --> 00:26:29,415 There's good times and bad times. 711 00:26:29,463 --> 00:26:31,593 When Shy's first record went gold... 712 00:26:31,632 --> 00:26:33,472 that was a good time. 713 00:26:33,509 --> 00:26:35,549 It's nice when they shine. 714 00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:39,184 You get to share in that, shine a little yourself. 715 00:26:39,223 --> 00:26:40,933 But then when they do bad things, 716 00:26:40,975 --> 00:26:42,515 and then you do bad things... 717 00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,290 - What bad things? - Things you don't want to do. 718 00:26:44,312 --> 00:26:46,062 But you have to. 719 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,515 You hate it. You do it. 720 00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:48,765 And then you get paid. 721 00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:52,784 Oh, shit! I do not believe this! 722 00:26:52,820 --> 00:26:55,280 - What? Don't believe what? Patterson knocked out the Viking. 723 00:26:55,323 --> 00:26:56,783 What? He what? 724 00:26:56,824 --> 00:26:58,204 Fifth round. Left hook. 725 00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:00,792 - Boom! - Sent him to Valhalla. 726 00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:02,458 The man still hasn't gotten up. 727 00:27:02,496 --> 00:27:04,116 - Why are you so happy? - You just lost. 728 00:27:04,165 --> 00:27:06,325 You gotta admire a job well done. 729 00:27:06,375 --> 00:27:09,745 Okay, Henry, now you won, and I owe you this debt, 730 00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:12,585 but I am still in charge of the rest of your life, 731 00:27:12,631 --> 00:27:14,431 so this next moment will officially define 732 00:27:14,467 --> 00:27:16,007 our relationship. 733 00:27:16,052 --> 00:27:17,392 You don't have to pay me. 734 00:27:17,428 --> 00:27:19,008 - It's fine. - Excellent definition. 735 00:27:19,055 --> 00:27:22,135 Nothing beats fear when it comes to gambling. 736 00:27:24,185 --> 00:27:26,345 You okay? 737 00:27:26,395 --> 00:27:27,725 You look like you're on a plane. 738 00:27:27,772 --> 00:27:29,572 Yeah. I'm just... 739 00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:31,607 I mean, he had him in round two. He had him. 740 00:27:31,650 --> 00:27:34,400 Ah... Susie lost some money! 741 00:27:36,989 --> 00:27:38,279 How much you lose? 742 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:40,204 Come on, I lost, too. 743 00:27:40,242 --> 00:27:42,052 I mean, I didn't have to pay, but I still lost. 744 00:27:42,078 --> 00:27:43,498 How much did you lose? 745 00:27:43,537 --> 00:27:45,367 Hey! How much did Susie lose? 746 00:27:45,414 --> 00:27:46,624 Don't look at me. 747 00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,125 Come on, who'd you bet with? 748 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:50,377 I'll take care of it. 749 00:27:50,419 --> 00:27:51,839 Who'd you bet with? 750 00:27:51,879 --> 00:27:53,129 It's not a big deal. 751 00:27:53,172 --> 00:27:54,382 How much did you lose? 752 00:27:54,423 --> 00:27:56,183 I'm good. 753 00:27:56,217 --> 00:27:57,797 Susie, how much did you lose? 754 00:27:57,843 --> 00:27:59,353 I'm fine. 755 00:27:59,387 --> 00:28:01,927 I have a meeting. I have to go. 756 00:28:01,972 --> 00:28:03,892 Hey, we won big. 757 00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:05,333 Let me borrow some so I can pay him. 758 00:28:10,773 --> 00:28:12,863 Somebody used the fondue pot 759 00:28:12,900 --> 00:28:15,570 for something other than fondue. 760 00:28:15,611 --> 00:28:19,621 Now, I'm not saying it was you, but it was fucking you. 761 00:28:21,075 --> 00:28:23,285 Hey, you okay? 762 00:28:46,976 --> 00:28:48,346 Rose. 763 00:28:48,394 --> 00:28:49,654 Oh, my God. 764 00:28:49,687 --> 00:28:51,687 I'm so glad you're here. Oh, I'm dying. 765 00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:52,940 Dying. 766 00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:54,572 - Do you need this? - Why, no. 767 00:28:54,608 --> 00:28:56,398 Good. 768 00:28:56,444 --> 00:28:58,364 You'll never believe it. 769 00:28:58,404 --> 00:29:00,664 I can't believe it. No one around me can believe it. 770 00:29:00,698 --> 00:29:01,798 Slow down, Corinne. You'll bite your tongue. 771 00:29:01,824 --> 00:29:03,914 - It worked. - What worked? 772 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:06,661 - Shira, my daughter, is engaged. - What? 773 00:29:06,704 --> 00:29:08,044 To the veterinarian. 774 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,830 One date. That's all it took. 775 00:29:09,874 --> 00:29:12,334 When she told me, I was so stunned 776 00:29:12,376 --> 00:29:14,416 that I agreed to pay for a wedding in Hawaii. 777 00:29:14,462 --> 00:29:16,012 Hawaii. 778 00:29:16,046 --> 00:29:17,716 - Who the hell do we know in Hawaii? 779 00:29:17,756 --> 00:29:20,046 No one. Who cares? 780 00:29:20,092 --> 00:29:22,892 She wants grass skirts and ukuleles and I'm not arguing. 781 00:29:22,928 --> 00:29:24,638 She's getting married. 782 00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:26,930 Wait. Sit there. 783 00:29:30,102 --> 00:29:32,732 For you. 784 00:29:32,771 --> 00:29:34,401 A token of my gratitude. 785 00:29:39,236 --> 00:29:41,106 Your Steuben glassware... 786 00:29:41,155 --> 00:29:43,315 I noticed you always admired them when you came over. 787 00:29:43,365 --> 00:29:45,575 - I can't. - I insist. 788 00:29:45,618 --> 00:29:47,448 They must be worth a fortune. 789 00:29:47,495 --> 00:29:50,015 Do you know what I would've paid to see my daughter married off? 790 00:29:50,039 --> 00:29:51,209 Anything. 791 00:29:51,248 --> 00:29:52,458 Here, take my wedding ring. 792 00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:54,340 No. The glasses are plenty. 793 00:29:54,376 --> 00:29:55,646 I have been crowing all over the neighborhood. 794 00:29:55,669 --> 00:29:57,129 Bragging. 795 00:29:57,171 --> 00:29:58,771 I told Judy Kramer that it was all your idea 796 00:29:58,797 --> 00:30:00,127 and she asked for your number. 797 00:30:00,174 --> 00:30:01,764 - Why? - Her daughter. 798 00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:03,970 You know, the tall one with the face? 799 00:30:04,011 --> 00:30:06,011 Oh, yes. Poor thing. 800 00:30:06,055 --> 00:30:08,715 To look like that and be tall enough for everyone to see. 801 00:30:08,766 --> 00:30:11,976 Well, she was working in Toronto for a few months. 802 00:30:12,019 --> 00:30:14,059 She just came back... gorgeous. 803 00:30:14,104 --> 00:30:16,444 - What? - Stunning. No idea. 804 00:30:16,482 --> 00:30:19,362 Only now, she has an ugly girl's personality 805 00:30:19,401 --> 00:30:21,741 in a pretty girl's body, and everybody is confused. 806 00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:23,589 - Well, that can be tricky. - Like Hedy Lamarr, 807 00:30:23,614 --> 00:30:26,334 - but she falls a lot. - Well, she's not used to heels. 808 00:30:26,367 --> 00:30:28,947 Judy doesn't know what to do with her, and she thought, 809 00:30:28,994 --> 00:30:30,684 with your matchmaking skills, you could help. 810 00:30:30,704 --> 00:30:33,084 I told her, of course you could help. Word of Shira 811 00:30:33,123 --> 00:30:35,383 has swept the garden club like wildfire. 812 00:30:35,417 --> 00:30:36,707 My goodness. 813 00:30:36,752 --> 00:30:38,712 You are going to be a busy lady. 814 00:30:38,754 --> 00:30:40,134 Okay. 815 00:30:40,172 --> 00:30:41,842 I saw you. 816 00:30:41,882 --> 00:30:44,052 You have the glasses. I have to go. 817 00:30:44,093 --> 00:30:46,053 - What's poi? - I don't know. 818 00:30:46,095 --> 00:30:47,805 I'll figure it out. You're a genius. 819 00:30:47,846 --> 00:30:49,266 Thank you for the glasses. 820 00:30:49,306 --> 00:30:51,556 I may actually have a grandchild. 821 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,650 That's worth more than all the glasses in the world. 822 00:30:54,687 --> 00:30:56,607 You sure you don't want the ring? 823 00:30:56,647 --> 00:30:58,187 - I'm sure. - Okay. 824 00:30:58,232 --> 00:30:59,862 See you later, Rose. 825 00:30:59,900 --> 00:31:01,900 See you later. 826 00:31:07,575 --> 00:31:09,445 Dr. Thomas to Intensive Care. 827 00:31:09,493 --> 00:31:11,253 Morning, Donna. I know I'm behind, 828 00:31:11,287 --> 00:31:13,327 but there's a very good explana... Oh, boy. 829 00:31:13,372 --> 00:31:16,582 Rose. Again. What a nice surprise. Again. 830 00:31:16,625 --> 00:31:18,705 Benjamin, have I got a girl for you. 831 00:31:18,752 --> 00:31:20,252 - A... - Judy Kramer's daughter. 832 00:31:20,296 --> 00:31:22,416 - Judy who? - Judy Kramer. 833 00:31:22,464 --> 00:31:24,844 - Your mother knows her. Anyhow. - Oh, good. 834 00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:27,853 Her daughter... very bright, like you; very tall, like you. 835 00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:30,386 She used to look terrible, but now she's beautiful, 836 00:31:30,431 --> 00:31:32,811 though still very clumsy, which I think will work nicely 837 00:31:32,850 --> 00:31:35,390 because it's a little weird. Get it? Weird? 838 00:31:35,436 --> 00:31:37,436 Rose, it is very sweet of you to think about this, 839 00:31:37,479 --> 00:31:40,019 - but really, I'm doing just... - Miriam doesn't have to be 840 00:31:40,065 --> 00:31:41,455 the last girl for you. I was right once. 841 00:31:41,483 --> 00:31:43,693 - I can be right again. - Rose, I promise you, I'm fine. 842 00:31:43,736 --> 00:31:45,166 -You know, you won't be this handsome forever. -Well, 843 00:31:45,195 --> 00:31:47,215 I have a painting in my attic that would prove otherwise. 844 00:31:47,239 --> 00:31:49,869 See? Clever. Judy's daughter's clever, too. 845 00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:51,578 I know I'm right about this. 846 00:31:51,619 --> 00:31:55,869 Rose, I really have to get back to... bleeding people. 847 00:31:55,914 --> 00:31:58,064 Oh, okay. We don't have to decide this right now, but... 848 00:31:58,083 --> 00:32:00,253 Excuse me. 849 00:32:00,294 --> 00:32:04,264 Here. You'll know where to find me when you're ready. 850 00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:08,300 Don't wait too long to be happy. 851 00:32:12,181 --> 00:32:15,431 ♪ ♪ 852 00:32:15,476 --> 00:32:17,516 Taxi! 853 00:32:19,563 --> 00:32:21,523 Hey, asshole. 854 00:32:21,565 --> 00:32:23,395 Oh... 855 00:32:25,110 --> 00:32:27,280 Excuse me, sir. 856 00:32:27,321 --> 00:32:29,781 Did you throw a tomato at me? 857 00:32:29,823 --> 00:32:32,163 If you did, I assume it was an accident, 858 00:32:32,201 --> 00:32:34,331 and I'm willing to accept an apology. 859 00:32:34,370 --> 00:32:38,000 I... apologize. 860 00:32:46,090 --> 00:32:48,180 - Rose. - Oh, my! Abe. 861 00:32:48,217 --> 00:32:50,797 You scared the living daylights out of me. 862 00:32:50,844 --> 00:32:52,434 What on earth? 863 00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:53,931 What happened to you? 864 00:32:53,972 --> 00:32:55,682 The most wonderful thing. 865 00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,484 Wonderful? Your nose is bleeding. 866 00:32:57,518 --> 00:32:59,138 A man threw a tomato at me. 867 00:32:59,186 --> 00:33:00,766 - He what? - Three tomatoes, actually. 868 00:33:00,813 --> 00:33:02,653 He threw three tomatoes at me point blank. 869 00:33:02,690 --> 00:33:04,730 - Abe... - I gave him a chance to apologize. 870 00:33:04,775 --> 00:33:07,145 - He didn't take it, so I pushed him. - You what? 871 00:33:07,194 --> 00:33:10,534 I physically put my two hands on his chest and pushed him. 872 00:33:10,572 --> 00:33:12,572 And then, he pushed me back, so I pushed him back. 873 00:33:12,616 --> 00:33:14,466 And then he pushed me back, and before I knew it, 874 00:33:14,493 --> 00:33:16,163 we were fighting! Well, sort of. 875 00:33:16,203 --> 00:33:19,373 It was more of a freeform grapple than actual fisticuffs, 876 00:33:19,415 --> 00:33:21,955 but we scuffled like dandies, and fell in the street. 877 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,790 We almost got hit by a garbage truck, 878 00:33:23,836 --> 00:33:25,166 but it was going very slowly, 879 00:33:25,212 --> 00:33:27,382 so we managed to roll out of the way. 880 00:33:27,423 --> 00:33:29,803 Abe, this is terrible. You were assaulted by a stranger. 881 00:33:29,842 --> 00:33:32,302 No, Rose, not a stranger. 882 00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:33,974 David Merrick. 883 00:33:34,012 --> 00:33:36,012 David Merrick? Who is that, a gangster? 884 00:33:36,056 --> 00:33:37,676 Kind of. He's a Broadway producer. 885 00:33:37,725 --> 00:33:40,055 And, Rose... he read it. 886 00:33:40,102 --> 00:33:43,732 David Merrick read my piece, and he despised it. 887 00:33:43,772 --> 00:33:45,322 His assistants, too. 888 00:33:45,357 --> 00:33:47,357 They pushed me around a little, as well. 889 00:33:47,401 --> 00:33:48,941 They hate me. 890 00:33:48,986 --> 00:33:50,986 They all absolutely hate me. 891 00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:53,159 Well, terrific. 892 00:33:53,198 --> 00:33:54,578 Don't you understand? 893 00:33:54,616 --> 00:33:56,366 My piece... it got to them. 894 00:33:56,410 --> 00:33:58,910 My words incited theater people, 895 00:33:58,954 --> 00:34:01,004 people who make a living sitting down. 896 00:34:01,039 --> 00:34:02,829 It incited them to get up 897 00:34:02,875 --> 00:34:04,835 and commit an act of physical violence! 898 00:34:04,877 --> 00:34:07,417 Abe, I think this must have been a very underripe tomato, 899 00:34:07,463 --> 00:34:09,633 and it hit you in the head. You are possibly concussed. 900 00:34:09,673 --> 00:34:13,013 No. Rose, it was a perfectly ripe, beautiful tomato. 901 00:34:13,051 --> 00:34:14,801 It would have made a wonderful salad. 902 00:34:14,845 --> 00:34:16,965 And instead, it was meant for me. 903 00:34:17,014 --> 00:34:18,854 Can I please take you to the doctor? 904 00:34:18,891 --> 00:34:20,521 Moishe was wrong. 905 00:34:20,559 --> 00:34:22,439 His father should have opened that goat farm. 906 00:34:22,478 --> 00:34:26,228 And the written word... It's going to change the world. 907 00:34:30,861 --> 00:34:32,991 Here we go, Rosie. 908 00:34:33,030 --> 00:34:35,030 Moishe! Buy a goat! 909 00:34:35,073 --> 00:34:36,703 The world is changing! 910 00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:38,162 Don't come in here! 911 00:34:38,202 --> 00:34:40,002 - I'm not wearing pants. - Pants be damned. 912 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:44,000 Well, this is lovely, isn't it? 913 00:34:44,041 --> 00:34:45,921 Perfect weather, like out of a movie. 914 00:34:45,959 --> 00:34:48,799 And in this movie, what does the spunky brunette want to talk 915 00:34:48,837 --> 00:34:50,207 to the little blonde dish about? 916 00:34:50,255 --> 00:34:51,965 What do you mean? 917 00:34:52,007 --> 00:34:54,067 The brunette just wanted to spend time with the dish, and... 918 00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:55,742 - Archie wants to come home. - Oh, I knew it. 919 00:34:55,761 --> 00:34:57,601 Imogene, he's dying. Give him a break. 920 00:34:57,638 --> 00:34:59,258 You know, when we first started dating, 921 00:34:59,306 --> 00:35:01,136 Archie would sit outside my house for hours. 922 00:35:01,183 --> 00:35:03,503 The police never arrested him because, you know, he's Archie. 923 00:35:03,519 --> 00:35:05,689 -He looks like a choirboy. He was a choirboy. -Oh. 924 00:35:05,729 --> 00:35:07,249 He's got a lovely baritone, by the way. 925 00:35:07,272 --> 00:35:08,732 But they would shoo him off. 926 00:35:08,774 --> 00:35:10,294 And the next day, he'd be right back there, 927 00:35:10,317 --> 00:35:12,047 sitting in the tree next to my bedroom window. 928 00:35:12,069 --> 00:35:13,819 Romantic. With just a hint of creepy. 929 00:35:13,862 --> 00:35:15,612 I thought he'd be in my tree forever. 930 00:35:15,656 --> 00:35:17,316 He will be. 931 00:35:17,366 --> 00:35:19,176 Imogene, really, do you honestly think that Archie would... 932 00:35:19,201 --> 00:35:21,621 Stay out every night doing God knows what with God knows who? 933 00:35:21,662 --> 00:35:23,912 He was painting walls and sanding floorboards with Joel. 934 00:35:23,956 --> 00:35:25,796 Oh, is that what they're calling it these days? 935 00:35:25,833 --> 00:35:27,173 - Imogene... - Painting walls. 936 00:35:27,209 --> 00:35:28,709 - Seriously... - Sanding floorboards. 937 00:35:28,752 --> 00:35:30,552 - Okay. - He wasn't fixing up Joel's club. 938 00:35:30,587 --> 00:35:32,817 He was imagining what it would be like to not have a family, 939 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:34,930 to not have three children, to not be married to me. 940 00:35:34,967 --> 00:35:37,007 That's what he was doing every night, with Joel. 941 00:35:37,052 --> 00:35:40,312 Okay, maybe for a moment, but, Imogene, he is miserable. 942 00:35:40,347 --> 00:35:42,307 He wants nothing more than to come home. 943 00:35:42,349 --> 00:35:43,979 I would not be standing here saying this 944 00:35:44,017 --> 00:35:46,017 if I did not believe it with my whole heart. 945 00:35:46,061 --> 00:35:47,731 - Really? - Yes. 946 00:35:47,771 --> 00:35:49,521 You, who had her husband walk out on her, 947 00:35:49,565 --> 00:35:51,435 who saw her whole life blow up in her face, 948 00:35:51,483 --> 00:35:53,343 you honestly believe that if I let him come back, 949 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:55,130 all will be well, and nothing like what happened 950 00:35:55,153 --> 00:35:56,613 to you will ever happen to me? 951 00:35:56,655 --> 00:35:58,735 Yes, Imogene, I absolutely do. 952 00:36:00,742 --> 00:36:03,252 Okay. 953 00:36:15,591 --> 00:36:17,801 ♪ Fish in the sea ♪ 954 00:36:17,843 --> 00:36:21,643 ♪ You know how I feel ♪ 955 00:36:21,680 --> 00:36:24,310 ♪ River running free ♪ 956 00:36:24,349 --> 00:36:28,099 ♪ You know how I feel ♪ 957 00:36:28,145 --> 00:36:30,395 ♪ Blossom on the tree ♪ 958 00:36:30,439 --> 00:36:32,569 ♪ You know how I feel ♪ 959 00:36:32,608 --> 00:36:34,568 ♪ It's a new dawn ♪ 960 00:36:34,610 --> 00:36:36,570 ♪ It's a new day ♪ 961 00:36:36,612 --> 00:36:38,952 ♪ It's a new life ♪ 962 00:36:38,989 --> 00:36:41,659 ♪ For me ♪ 963 00:36:41,700 --> 00:36:45,910 ♪ And I'm feeling good... ♪ 964 00:36:45,954 --> 00:36:48,254 My name is Imogene Cleary. 965 00:36:53,712 --> 00:36:55,302 We're not open yet. 966 00:36:55,339 --> 00:36:57,299 Hi. 967 00:36:57,341 --> 00:36:59,181 Hello. 968 00:36:59,217 --> 00:37:00,967 - Nice club. - Thanks. 969 00:37:01,011 --> 00:37:03,061 Doesn't smell like anyone's pissed in it yet. 970 00:37:03,096 --> 00:37:05,426 - Oh, they have. - Okay. 971 00:37:05,474 --> 00:37:07,854 - Can I come in? - Uh... 972 00:37:07,893 --> 00:37:09,853 It's important. 973 00:37:09,895 --> 00:37:12,355 Okay. Sure, come on in. 974 00:37:16,610 --> 00:37:18,570 You okay? Your eyes are... 975 00:37:18,612 --> 00:37:21,742 Oh, yeah. I have, uh, bird allergies. 976 00:37:23,367 --> 00:37:25,327 Could I maybe have a drink? 977 00:37:25,369 --> 00:37:27,199 Okay. You want a beer? 978 00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:29,245 Beer. Sure. 979 00:37:33,794 --> 00:37:35,804 Actually, could I have something stronger? 980 00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:47,217 Thanks. 981 00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:50,265 Could I have another one? 982 00:37:50,310 --> 00:37:52,310 You want to start a tab? 983 00:37:55,107 --> 00:37:57,777 So, you got my attention. 984 00:37:57,818 --> 00:38:00,358 Yeah. Okay. 985 00:38:03,782 --> 00:38:05,832 So, I know you are not a friend. 986 00:38:05,867 --> 00:38:07,657 We barely know each other. 987 00:38:07,703 --> 00:38:10,663 We've talked what, three times ever? Once civil. 988 00:38:10,706 --> 00:38:12,746 - Eh... - Okay, never civil, but... 989 00:38:12,791 --> 00:38:15,421 I need you to do something for me. 990 00:38:17,671 --> 00:38:20,011 I need you to take care of Midge's money. 991 00:38:20,048 --> 00:38:22,468 I need you to get the checks, put them in a bank. 992 00:38:22,509 --> 00:38:23,899 - Whoa. - Keep track of what's there, 993 00:38:23,927 --> 00:38:25,717 what she's owed, what she spends. 994 00:38:25,762 --> 00:38:27,972 - What are you talking about? - I can steer her career. 995 00:38:28,015 --> 00:38:30,635 I've got that down, and I am gonna make her a very big star. 996 00:38:30,684 --> 00:38:33,024 But the money... 997 00:38:33,061 --> 00:38:35,401 I need you to protect it from now on. 998 00:38:35,439 --> 00:38:36,939 - From what? - From me. 999 00:38:36,982 --> 00:38:38,822 - Susie... - I will 1000 00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,709 send the checks to you directly as soon as I get 'em. 1001 00:38:40,736 --> 00:38:42,196 - Susie... - Maybe I should just have 1002 00:38:42,237 --> 00:38:43,987 Shy's people get it to you directly. 1003 00:38:44,031 --> 00:38:45,951 Cut out the middleman... me. 1004 00:38:45,991 --> 00:38:48,371 Cut out me. Yeah, that's probably the best idea. 1005 00:38:48,410 --> 00:38:50,430 - Susie... - I'll transfer all the money that she's made so far. 1006 00:38:50,454 --> 00:38:53,714 Every penny. I just need a little time to get it all... 1007 00:38:53,749 --> 00:38:55,709 organized, but I will get it to you, 1008 00:38:55,751 --> 00:38:58,001 and then, once a week, I will send you a check. 1009 00:38:58,045 --> 00:38:59,875 Or they will send you a check. Once a week, 1010 00:38:59,921 --> 00:39:01,271 - someone will send you a check. - Hold on. 1011 00:39:01,298 --> 00:39:03,508 So... thanks for the drinks. 1012 00:39:03,550 --> 00:39:05,640 Mm. 1013 00:39:05,677 --> 00:39:07,967 - We'll talk more later. - Susie, stop. 1014 00:39:09,347 --> 00:39:11,307 You can't just come in here like that. 1015 00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:13,309 I mean, why? Why me? 1016 00:39:13,351 --> 00:39:15,101 There's business managers and accountants 1017 00:39:15,145 --> 00:39:17,395 and a lot of other people who are trained to do this. 1018 00:39:17,439 --> 00:39:19,319 I mean, hell, Shy must have a team of people 1019 00:39:19,357 --> 00:39:20,877 - you could ask to... - 'Cause you love her! 1020 00:39:20,901 --> 00:39:23,741 You'll always be in love with her. 1021 00:39:23,779 --> 00:39:26,489 You won't let anything bad happen to her, ever. 1022 00:39:26,531 --> 00:39:28,281 It has to be you. 1023 00:39:29,826 --> 00:39:31,536 Just let me tell her, okay? 1024 00:39:31,578 --> 00:39:33,328 What, that I'll love her forever? 1025 00:39:33,371 --> 00:39:35,811 No, about the money. She knows the other shit. Everybody does. 1026 00:39:40,754 --> 00:39:44,594 I'm only gonna say this once, so pay attention... thank you. 1027 00:39:54,434 --> 00:39:56,194 The first moment I saw Midge Maisel, 1028 00:39:56,228 --> 00:39:58,118 I thought, "That is one red-hot cocktail waitress." 1029 00:39:58,146 --> 00:39:59,706 French-restaurant-level cocktail waitress. 1030 00:39:59,731 --> 00:40:01,321 When I found out she was a comic, 1031 00:40:01,358 --> 00:40:03,088 you could have knocked me over with a feather. 1032 00:40:03,110 --> 00:40:04,650 I would've preferred a mallet. 1033 00:40:04,694 --> 00:40:06,554 Yeah, and now she's scored a tour with Shy Baldwin. 1034 00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:08,411 Knife in my heart right here. 1035 00:40:08,448 --> 00:40:10,378 While I still think she'd make a red-hot cocktail waitress... 1036 00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:12,118 I'd definitely exceed my two-drink minimum. 1037 00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:13,790 She has since proven a good sport, 1038 00:40:13,829 --> 00:40:15,249 a tough competitor, 1039 00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:16,788 the best-smelling person in a club. 1040 00:40:16,832 --> 00:40:18,382 Not that that's hard. 1041 00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:21,086 I can honestly say, from the bottom of my heart, 1042 00:40:21,128 --> 00:40:22,458 fuck you, Mrs. Maisel. 1043 00:40:22,504 --> 00:40:23,884 - Oh. Fuck you... - Oh. 1044 00:40:23,922 --> 00:40:25,802 Fuck you, Mrs. Maisel. 1045 00:40:25,841 --> 00:40:28,181 Thank you. I'm trying not to cry. 1046 00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:30,508 Go out there and show 'em how it's done. 1047 00:40:30,554 --> 00:40:33,604 Because, if you fail, no one will ever let you forget. 1048 00:40:35,767 --> 00:40:37,517 Yeah, that wasn't a joke. 1049 00:40:37,561 --> 00:40:39,621 Well, it's gonna sound like a cliché, but what the hell. 1050 00:40:39,646 --> 00:40:41,146 - How dare you. - Benjamin. 1051 00:40:41,189 --> 00:40:44,189 - Yes. Good guess. - Wha... What are you doing here? 1052 00:40:44,234 --> 00:40:46,594 When you want to find a penguin, you head to the North Pole. 1053 00:40:47,821 --> 00:40:49,531 You want to do this sitting here surrounded 1054 00:40:49,573 --> 00:40:51,723 by your flunkies like you're the poor man's Rat Pack, or...? 1055 00:40:51,741 --> 00:40:54,081 What? I... No. 1056 00:40:54,119 --> 00:40:55,999 No. I... 1057 00:40:56,037 --> 00:40:57,747 You don't see I have to move? 1058 00:40:57,789 --> 00:41:01,419 - Oh, oh, uh... - Are you gonna? 1059 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,879 - Should I get up, or...? - I'm not blocking her. 1060 00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:05,340 There she goes. 1061 00:41:05,380 --> 00:41:06,460 Okay. 1062 00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:07,626 Sorry. 1063 00:41:07,674 --> 00:41:09,184 Hi. How are you? 1064 00:41:09,217 --> 00:41:11,007 - That's funny. - No, I mean... 1065 00:41:11,052 --> 00:41:12,742 Don't worry about the small talk. This won't take long. 1066 00:41:12,762 --> 00:41:14,572 - It wasn't small. - I let you off easy, didn't I? 1067 00:41:14,598 --> 00:41:16,198 - I... - You sent me a "Dear John" letter... 1068 00:41:16,224 --> 00:41:18,124 Unproofed, by the way... And I didn't chase you down, 1069 00:41:18,143 --> 00:41:20,003 I didn't call you, I didn't show up at your door 1070 00:41:20,020 --> 00:41:21,440 demanding an explanation, did I? 1071 00:41:21,479 --> 00:41:22,939 - No. - That's right, no. 1072 00:41:22,981 --> 00:41:24,441 I let you slink off into the night, 1073 00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:26,362 like a goddamn Damon Runyon character. 1074 00:41:26,401 --> 00:41:27,841 I figure if that's the way you wanted it, 1075 00:41:27,861 --> 00:41:29,461 I wasn't gonna beg you for an explanation, 1076 00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:32,117 an explanation I was absolutely entitled to, by the way. 1077 00:41:32,157 --> 00:41:34,277 Yes. You were. I am so sorry. 1078 00:41:34,326 --> 00:41:36,236 I handled the whole thing with dignity, grace. 1079 00:41:36,286 --> 00:41:37,656 I handled it all very calmly. 1080 00:41:37,704 --> 00:41:39,434 I handle things very calmly. I don't get mad. 1081 00:41:39,456 --> 00:41:41,876 I can't get mad. When you're really tall, you can't get mad. 1082 00:41:41,917 --> 00:41:44,337 You can't pace around and wave your arms in the air 1083 00:41:44,377 --> 00:41:46,757 and raise your voice, because people get scared. See? 1084 00:41:46,796 --> 00:41:48,766 Look around. See? That's what people look like when 1085 00:41:48,798 --> 00:41:50,548 you're really tall and really mad. 1086 00:41:50,592 --> 00:41:52,472 I look like an angry building! 1087 00:41:52,510 --> 00:41:55,680 So I stay calm... all the goddamn time. 1088 00:41:55,722 --> 00:41:57,102 But this time... 1089 00:41:57,140 --> 00:41:58,680 Oh. 1090 00:41:58,725 --> 00:42:00,345 This time, you have pushed me too far. 1091 00:42:00,393 --> 00:42:02,653 What did I do? I mean, besides... 1092 00:42:02,687 --> 00:42:05,317 I work in a hospital, Miriam. I perform surgery. 1093 00:42:05,357 --> 00:42:07,687 I hold really sharp tools that I cut people open with. 1094 00:42:07,734 --> 00:42:10,074 And if I cut them open incorrectly, they tend to die. 1095 00:42:10,111 --> 00:42:13,201 And that's where you chose to send your mother 1096 00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:15,660 - to fix me up with another girl?! - What? 1097 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:17,490 - Are you insane? - Benjamin, I swear, 1098 00:42:17,535 --> 00:42:19,405 I had no idea she was gonna do that. 1099 00:42:19,454 --> 00:42:20,874 Bullshit, Miriam. You feel guilty. 1100 00:42:20,914 --> 00:42:22,334 So, you decided to get me settled 1101 00:42:22,374 --> 00:42:24,004 so you don't have to feel bad anymore. 1102 00:42:24,042 --> 00:42:25,462 Well, fuck that. 1103 00:42:25,502 --> 00:42:27,022 You don't get a say in what happens to me. 1104 00:42:27,045 --> 00:42:28,685 You feel like a louse? Too bad. Live with it. 1105 00:42:28,713 --> 00:42:31,383 Benjamin, please, can we just sit and talk? 1106 00:42:31,424 --> 00:42:32,934 Please? 1107 00:42:45,105 --> 00:42:46,725 Thank you. 1108 00:42:50,318 --> 00:42:52,278 Oh, you're going to have to start. 1109 00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,860 Right. 1110 00:42:53,905 --> 00:42:55,485 Sorry. 1111 00:42:55,532 --> 00:42:58,582 Benjamin, I owe you the biggest apology in the world. 1112 00:42:58,618 --> 00:43:01,618 I am totally and completely ashamed of myself. 1113 00:43:01,663 --> 00:43:03,623 I never pegged you for a coward. 1114 00:43:03,665 --> 00:43:05,745 That letter... That was a coward's move. 1115 00:43:05,792 --> 00:43:08,252 I know it was. 1116 00:43:08,295 --> 00:43:09,835 I don't understand. 1117 00:43:09,879 --> 00:43:11,339 What happened? 1118 00:43:11,381 --> 00:43:13,471 I explained it all in the letter. 1119 00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:15,108 I stopped reading the letter after the words 1120 00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:16,545 "I can't marry you." 1121 00:43:16,594 --> 00:43:19,184 - Oh. - That kind of gave the end away. 1122 00:43:19,222 --> 00:43:22,232 You know, it's funny, I... can stand onstage 1123 00:43:22,267 --> 00:43:24,437 and say all sorts of uncomfortable, 1124 00:43:24,477 --> 00:43:26,557 embarrassing personal things. 1125 00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:29,324 But the thought of standing in front of you, 1126 00:43:29,357 --> 00:43:30,977 telling you... 1127 00:43:31,026 --> 00:43:33,816 I just... couldn't. 1128 00:43:33,862 --> 00:43:35,912 So I wrote a letter. 1129 00:43:35,947 --> 00:43:38,067 Like a coward. 1130 00:43:38,116 --> 00:43:40,076 But you have to understand, 1131 00:43:40,118 --> 00:43:42,998 when I accepted your proposal, I was fed up with stand-up. 1132 00:43:43,038 --> 00:43:44,748 I was thinking of quitting. 1133 00:43:44,789 --> 00:43:47,879 I thought maybe comedy was just a phase, and I could get married 1134 00:43:47,917 --> 00:43:51,247 and hop down to the Gaslight once or twice a week, do a set, 1135 00:43:51,296 --> 00:43:53,206 like a bowling league with better shoes. 1136 00:43:53,256 --> 00:43:55,256 I thought maybe that could be enough. 1137 00:43:56,801 --> 00:43:59,681 And then Shy Baldwin called. 1138 00:43:59,721 --> 00:44:02,601 And a lightning bolt went through me. 1139 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,480 I just... knew. 1140 00:44:05,518 --> 00:44:08,728 This was it for the rest of my life. 1141 00:44:08,772 --> 00:44:11,692 No turning back. 1142 00:44:11,733 --> 00:44:15,573 - And I knew that would be a problem. - How? 1143 00:44:15,612 --> 00:44:17,552 - How what? - How did you know it was going to be a problem? 1144 00:44:17,572 --> 00:44:20,622 - Oh, Benjamin, come on. - Come on, what? 1145 00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:22,488 I talk about my life onstage. 1146 00:44:22,535 --> 00:44:24,245 My whole life. 1147 00:44:24,287 --> 00:44:26,247 I talk about my parents and my children, 1148 00:44:26,289 --> 00:44:28,629 and my relationships and my failures, 1149 00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:30,246 and everyone else's failures, 1150 00:44:30,293 --> 00:44:32,673 and my girdle and my sex life. 1151 00:44:32,712 --> 00:44:34,172 - I have seen you onstage. - Twice. 1152 00:44:34,214 --> 00:44:35,634 You've seen me twice. 1153 00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,983 It would be different if we were married. 1154 00:44:37,008 --> 00:44:38,338 It would be constant. 1155 00:44:38,385 --> 00:44:40,295 You wouldn't be able to handle it. 1156 00:44:40,345 --> 00:44:42,885 - Oh, really? - My stand-up was the reason that Joel and I... 1157 00:44:42,931 --> 00:44:44,221 - I am not Joel. - I know. 1158 00:44:44,265 --> 00:44:45,675 I got two feet on the guy alone. 1159 00:44:45,725 --> 00:44:48,225 - You are both men. - What the hell does that mean? 1160 00:44:48,269 --> 00:44:50,609 - Proud men. Strong men. - Did you ask? 1161 00:44:50,647 --> 00:44:52,517 Did you ever say, "Hey, Benjamin, 1162 00:44:52,565 --> 00:44:54,975 if I constantly talk about you onstage, is that a problem?" 1163 00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:57,026 - No, I didn't. - That's right. 1164 00:44:57,070 --> 00:44:59,320 You didn't even give me a chance. 1165 00:44:59,364 --> 00:45:01,624 You left me out of the equation altogether. 1166 00:45:01,658 --> 00:45:03,328 I would have been on the road. 1167 00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:06,248 We would have been separated a lot. 1168 00:45:06,287 --> 00:45:09,827 And the coming back together would've been sensational. 1169 00:45:13,753 --> 00:45:15,383 Please don't go. 1170 00:45:15,422 --> 00:45:17,722 You broke my heart, Miriam. 1171 00:45:20,427 --> 00:45:22,467 Do not send your mother again. 1172 00:45:27,976 --> 00:45:31,686 You never even got to see the ring. 1173 00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:35,479 It was spectacular, by the way. 1174 00:45:37,402 --> 00:45:40,162 I have no doubt. 1175 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:49,956 Oh, yes, Anya. 1176 00:45:49,998 --> 00:45:51,618 And your youngest girl, Leslie, 1177 00:45:51,666 --> 00:45:53,246 is she still single? 1178 00:45:53,293 --> 00:45:55,003 Oh, she is. Good. 1179 00:45:55,044 --> 00:45:58,764 And is there any specific reason why? 1180 00:45:58,798 --> 00:46:01,508 Well, has she tried bangs? 1181 00:46:01,551 --> 00:46:03,091 Oh. How unfortunate. 1182 00:46:03,136 --> 00:46:05,756 Well, there must be some wonderful man out there 1183 00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:07,845 just waiting for someone like Leslie. 1184 00:46:07,891 --> 00:46:10,941 And she turns 30 when? 1185 00:46:10,977 --> 00:46:13,017 Mm-hmm. 1186 00:46:13,062 --> 00:46:15,022 Oh, no, there's plenty of time. 1187 00:46:15,064 --> 00:46:16,614 Don't you worry. 1188 00:46:16,649 --> 00:46:18,359 Mama! Where are you? 1189 00:46:18,401 --> 00:46:22,111 In the meantime, I will put my thinking cap on. 1190 00:46:22,155 --> 00:46:23,695 Hang up. 1191 00:46:23,740 --> 00:46:25,120 Anya, I have to go, 1192 00:46:25,158 --> 00:46:27,118 but I will call you soon. 1193 00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,200 Being on the road has made you extremely rude. 1194 00:46:29,245 --> 00:46:31,615 I cannot believe you went to Benjamin. 1195 00:46:31,664 --> 00:46:33,884 - Miriam... - To his work. His work. 1196 00:46:33,917 --> 00:46:35,637 Well, I wasn't gonna accost him in the street. 1197 00:46:35,668 --> 00:46:37,728 And you went to his work to try and set him up with a girl. 1198 00:46:37,754 --> 00:46:39,574 Am I getting the story right? Because I really want 1199 00:46:39,589 --> 00:46:41,069 to get the story right before I tell you 1200 00:46:41,090 --> 00:46:42,630 how incredibly out of line it was. 1201 00:46:42,675 --> 00:46:43,715 Keep your voice down. 1202 00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:45,550 Do you know how hard it must've been for him 1203 00:46:45,595 --> 00:46:47,055 when I backed out of the wedding? 1204 00:46:47,096 --> 00:46:49,196 - I'm assuming it wasn't easy. - And you had the gall, 1205 00:46:49,224 --> 00:46:51,944 the hubris, the insensitivity 1206 00:46:51,976 --> 00:46:55,186 to go down there and drag him back into that all over again? 1207 00:46:55,230 --> 00:46:58,070 This was none of your business. 1208 00:46:58,107 --> 00:47:00,067 This was between Benjamin and me. 1209 00:47:00,109 --> 00:47:01,819 No one asked you to get in the middle. 1210 00:47:01,861 --> 00:47:03,241 I know he didn't. 1211 00:47:03,279 --> 00:47:04,759 I'm not gonna be talked to like this by my own daughter. 1212 00:47:04,781 --> 00:47:06,571 You know what, I am sorry, Mama. 1213 00:47:06,616 --> 00:47:08,986 I'm sorry that you are so disappointed 1214 00:47:09,035 --> 00:47:10,995 in how my life turned out. 1215 00:47:11,037 --> 00:47:13,997 I'm sorry that you can't understand the turn it's taken. 1216 00:47:14,040 --> 00:47:16,330 I have certainly tried to explain it to you, 1217 00:47:16,376 --> 00:47:17,836 to include you in it, 1218 00:47:17,877 --> 00:47:19,757 but you don't want to understand or be included. 1219 00:47:19,796 --> 00:47:22,466 You just want to be disappointed. 1220 00:47:22,507 --> 00:47:24,627 I'm sorry that I am a comedian 1221 00:47:24,676 --> 00:47:26,796 and that you can't watch me onstage 1222 00:47:26,844 --> 00:47:28,644 and that you still think I'm a prostitute. 1223 00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,640 I'm sorry that Joel left me and blew up my life, 1224 00:47:31,683 --> 00:47:32,983 but he did. 1225 00:47:33,017 --> 00:47:34,477 He left. 1226 00:47:34,519 --> 00:47:36,189 He blew up my life. 1227 00:47:36,229 --> 00:47:37,649 I did not want that to happen. 1228 00:47:37,689 --> 00:47:38,979 But it did happen, 1229 00:47:39,023 --> 00:47:40,983 and I had to do something about it. 1230 00:47:41,025 --> 00:47:43,315 And one of these days, you are gonna have to acknowledge 1231 00:47:43,361 --> 00:47:45,241 that this is the new reality. 1232 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:48,450 That I am, for the first time in my life, 1233 00:47:48,491 --> 00:47:50,291 taking charge of my own destiny, 1234 00:47:50,326 --> 00:47:53,956 just like Joel is in charge of his life and so is Benjamin. 1235 00:47:53,997 --> 00:47:56,037 Maybe you need to get a life of your own 1236 00:47:56,082 --> 00:47:58,382 and you can stop trying to manipulate the lives 1237 00:47:58,418 --> 00:48:00,798 of those around you. 1238 00:48:02,839 --> 00:48:04,219 You're right. 1239 00:48:04,257 --> 00:48:06,217 I don't understand what your life is 1240 00:48:06,259 --> 00:48:08,049 or why you do what you do. 1241 00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:09,854 And, yes, I do feel that comedy 1242 00:48:09,887 --> 00:48:11,467 and prostitution are one and the same. 1243 00:48:11,514 --> 00:48:14,184 And, no, I don't know how to explain it to my friends 1244 00:48:14,225 --> 00:48:15,615 or my rabbi. I don't know how to explain 1245 00:48:15,643 --> 00:48:17,153 that my daughter leaves her children 1246 00:48:17,186 --> 00:48:20,146 to travel around with a tiny part-time plumber in a hat. 1247 00:48:20,189 --> 00:48:22,149 I don't understand why it's funny 1248 00:48:22,191 --> 00:48:24,191 to talk about your parents onstage, 1249 00:48:24,235 --> 00:48:26,025 why it's fun to hear people laugh 1250 00:48:26,070 --> 00:48:28,620 at their mistakes and misfortune. 1251 00:48:28,656 --> 00:48:32,696 But there is one area where you and I are in perfect agreement: 1252 00:48:32,744 --> 00:48:34,954 how precarious a woman's life is 1253 00:48:34,996 --> 00:48:37,866 when it's dependent on the whims of a man. 1254 00:48:37,915 --> 00:48:40,875 That is a lesson I have also learned the hard way. 1255 00:48:40,918 --> 00:48:42,628 Your father blew up my life, too. 1256 00:48:42,670 --> 00:48:44,550 He took everything away in the blink of an eye, 1257 00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:46,049 and now it's up to me to get it back. 1258 00:48:46,090 --> 00:48:48,970 And that is exactly what I intend to do. 1259 00:48:52,722 --> 00:48:54,022 Now, 1260 00:48:54,057 --> 00:48:56,477 if you'll excuse me. 1261 00:49:06,569 --> 00:49:08,109 Bernice, 1262 00:49:08,154 --> 00:49:09,784 Rose Weissman here. 1263 00:49:09,822 --> 00:49:11,452 Left field question, 1264 00:49:11,491 --> 00:49:14,951 is your son still clinically blind? 1265 00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:16,374 Wonderful. 1266 00:49:22,835 --> 00:49:24,915 30 seconds, ladies. 1267 00:49:33,596 --> 00:49:38,136 ♪ And I'm feeling good ♪ 1268 00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:45,270 ♪ Feeling good... ♪ 1269 00:49:49,987 --> 00:49:52,367 Am I late? I thought I was on time. 1270 00:49:52,407 --> 00:49:54,327 There was a last-minute shoe issue. 1271 00:49:54,367 --> 00:49:55,637 The color was different in different light, 1272 00:49:55,660 --> 00:49:57,120 so I had to make sure I was prepared. 1273 00:49:57,161 --> 00:49:58,561 Brought an extra pair, but they hurt my feet 1274 00:49:58,579 --> 00:49:59,969 and I walk a little funny, which might be fun 1275 00:49:59,997 --> 00:50:01,517 since I'm a comic, right? Worked for Chaplin. 1276 00:50:01,541 --> 00:50:02,851 But I didn't think it added that much time to... 1277 00:50:02,875 --> 00:50:04,835 Yep, I'm late. Well, la-di-da. 1278 00:50:04,877 --> 00:50:06,917 - It's fine. - I'm excited. 1279 00:50:06,963 --> 00:50:08,343 The Apollo, right? 1280 00:50:08,381 --> 00:50:10,431 Hey, you read the sign. 1281 00:50:10,466 --> 00:50:13,216 Look, I, uh, have a thing I need to take care of tonight. 1282 00:50:13,261 --> 00:50:14,681 - What's wrong? - Nothing's wrong. 1283 00:50:14,721 --> 00:50:16,911 It's a bullshit family thing, but I want it taken care of 1284 00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:19,141 before we go, so I may have to miss your set. 1285 00:50:19,183 --> 00:50:20,823 It's 'cause I wore the wrong shoes, right? 1286 00:50:20,852 --> 00:50:22,812 Yes. So if I don't talk to you before, 1287 00:50:22,854 --> 00:50:24,734 I will meet you at the airport tomorrow night. 1288 00:50:24,772 --> 00:50:25,982 Okay. 1289 00:50:26,023 --> 00:50:27,233 You're gonna be great. 1290 00:50:27,275 --> 00:50:28,815 There is no other option. 1291 00:50:28,860 --> 00:50:30,400 You bet your ass. Tits up? 1292 00:50:30,445 --> 00:50:32,905 Tits up. 1293 00:50:32,947 --> 00:50:34,817 Don't be late for the fucking plane. 1294 00:50:34,866 --> 00:50:37,406 I'm never late. Ooh. 1295 00:50:56,220 --> 00:50:57,180 Oh! 1296 00:50:57,221 --> 00:50:59,101 Oh! Oh! 1297 00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:01,060 Oh! 1298 00:51:31,964 --> 00:51:33,764 All right, young man. 1299 00:51:43,392 --> 00:51:45,562 ♪ ♪ 1300 00:52:01,536 --> 00:52:03,746 Ah. Good. Eat this. 1301 00:52:03,788 --> 00:52:05,158 - What is it? - Oatmeal cookie. 1302 00:52:05,206 --> 00:52:07,166 Why do you have the world's entire supply? 1303 00:52:07,208 --> 00:52:09,268 People make this stuff for Shy because he goes around saying 1304 00:52:09,293 --> 00:52:10,803 these are his favorite foods. 1305 00:52:10,837 --> 00:52:12,257 They are not his favorite foods. 1306 00:52:12,296 --> 00:52:14,256 In fact, he never even touches the damn stuff, 1307 00:52:14,298 --> 00:52:15,838 and then I have to... Thelma! 1308 00:52:15,883 --> 00:52:18,013 Darling, you look wonderful! 1309 00:52:18,052 --> 00:52:20,182 You give these date bars to Shy, now. 1310 00:52:20,221 --> 00:52:21,851 I will. I will. 1311 00:52:23,307 --> 00:52:25,177 - Eat these. - Just throw them out. 1312 00:52:25,226 --> 00:52:27,186 You do that, someone sees and Harlem burns. 1313 00:52:27,228 --> 00:52:28,768 Marla Mae! 1314 00:52:28,813 --> 00:52:31,023 This is my sister's girl, Lorna. 1315 00:52:31,065 --> 00:52:32,435 You make sure she meets Shy. 1316 00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,033 You know I will. 1317 00:52:34,068 --> 00:52:36,448 - Just wait over there, sweetheart. - Okay. 1318 00:52:36,487 --> 00:52:37,567 Appetizers? 1319 00:52:37,613 --> 00:52:38,993 The ladies in the neighborhood 1320 00:52:39,031 --> 00:52:40,781 also want to marry Shy off. 1321 00:52:40,825 --> 00:52:41,905 I'm sorry, am I in temple? 1322 00:52:41,951 --> 00:52:43,041 I'm gonna say hi to Shy. 1323 00:52:43,077 --> 00:52:44,137 Do not bother him too long. 1324 00:52:44,161 --> 00:52:45,121 He has vocalizing to do. 1325 00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:46,542 He cannot be rusty tonight. 1326 00:52:46,581 --> 00:52:48,291 Hometown crowds... They love you the most, 1327 00:52:48,332 --> 00:52:49,732 but they also give you the most shit 1328 00:52:49,750 --> 00:52:51,060 when you aren't on your best game. 1329 00:52:51,085 --> 00:52:53,045 Oh, I know. If I step up to my butcher counter 1330 00:52:53,087 --> 00:52:54,817 and I haven't decided four or six lamb chops, 1331 00:52:54,839 --> 00:52:56,219 I get eviscerated. 1332 00:52:56,257 --> 00:52:58,377 I wind up getting cube steak out of pure intimidation. 1333 00:52:58,426 --> 00:53:00,396 Yeah, it's nothing like that, but thanks for sharing. 1334 00:53:00,428 --> 00:53:02,008 Hey, have another cookie. 1335 00:53:02,054 --> 00:53:03,644 - Sorry, pal. - Shit. 1336 00:53:03,681 --> 00:53:06,771 Ella! Are those your meatloaf sandwiches I see there? 1337 00:53:06,809 --> 00:53:08,979 - Yes. - Mmm! 1338 00:53:10,938 --> 00:53:13,318 Oh, so that's where you've been for the last two months. 1339 00:53:13,357 --> 00:53:16,067 Get in here, Little Miss Mouthy! 1340 00:53:16,110 --> 00:53:19,320 Mr. Baldwin, you look like a million bucks. 1341 00:53:19,363 --> 00:53:21,163 Oh, no, my price has gone way up. 1342 00:53:21,198 --> 00:53:23,828 Oh. 1343 00:53:23,868 --> 00:53:25,998 Back up, now. Let me see that dress. 1344 00:53:26,037 --> 00:53:27,577 I thought I'd go understated today, 1345 00:53:27,622 --> 00:53:28,662 try to blend in. 1346 00:53:28,706 --> 00:53:30,746 In that? Nice try. 1347 00:53:30,791 --> 00:53:32,751 It's so good to see you. 1348 00:53:32,793 --> 00:53:34,003 You, too. 1349 00:53:34,045 --> 00:53:35,335 Get yourself some champagne. 1350 00:53:35,379 --> 00:53:36,419 You want some? 1351 00:53:36,464 --> 00:53:38,724 Not before the show. 1352 00:53:40,718 --> 00:53:43,098 You know, I tried to call you a few times, 1353 00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,507 but you got that housekeeper, General Patton. 1354 00:53:45,556 --> 00:53:48,016 Yes. You'd think after helping save the world from Hitler, 1355 00:53:48,059 --> 00:53:49,519 he could get a better gig. 1356 00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,230 Bet you can bounce a quarter off your bed 1357 00:53:51,270 --> 00:53:52,480 when he makes it though. 1358 00:53:52,521 --> 00:53:54,321 So, tell me what you've been up to. 1359 00:53:54,357 --> 00:53:56,647 Well, I've been living in Queens. 1360 00:53:56,692 --> 00:53:58,282 Doing some radio work. 1361 00:53:58,319 --> 00:54:01,029 Got paid in feminine products and pancake syrup. 1362 00:54:01,072 --> 00:54:02,372 My nephew had his bris. 1363 00:54:02,406 --> 00:54:03,566 He had his what? 1364 00:54:03,616 --> 00:54:04,676 It's where they cut off your penis 1365 00:54:04,700 --> 00:54:05,830 and then we all eat deli. 1366 00:54:05,868 --> 00:54:07,828 It's time for both of us to get back on the road. 1367 00:54:07,870 --> 00:54:09,460 Wow. 1368 00:54:09,497 --> 00:54:10,787 Someone's killing. 1369 00:54:10,831 --> 00:54:12,041 Must be Moms. 1370 00:54:12,083 --> 00:54:14,043 Moms... Mabley? 1371 00:54:14,085 --> 00:54:15,955 Are you serious? 1372 00:54:16,003 --> 00:54:16,963 Where you going? 1373 00:54:17,004 --> 00:54:18,304 Moms Mabley's onstage. 1374 00:54:18,339 --> 00:54:19,469 Shy Baldwin's right here. 1375 00:54:19,507 --> 00:54:20,647 What happened to our reunion? 1376 00:54:20,675 --> 00:54:22,025 Well, you look good, you feel good, 1377 00:54:22,051 --> 00:54:23,451 you liked my dress. You need some tea? 1378 00:54:23,469 --> 00:54:24,639 - I got some tea. - See ya. 1379 00:54:24,679 --> 00:54:26,219 You are a fickle girl. 1380 00:54:26,263 --> 00:54:28,063 I've been called so much worse. 1381 00:54:29,642 --> 00:54:32,232 They even said I was prejudiced. 1382 00:54:32,269 --> 00:54:34,229 I'm not prejudiced. 1383 00:54:34,271 --> 00:54:36,691 I'm not. 1384 00:54:36,732 --> 00:54:39,942 But I don't like no old man. 1385 00:54:39,986 --> 00:54:43,026 I don't give a damn what color he is. 1386 00:54:43,072 --> 00:54:45,322 Yeah. 1387 00:54:45,366 --> 00:54:48,076 Moms likes 'em young, baby. 1388 00:54:48,119 --> 00:54:50,869 What about it? 1389 00:54:50,913 --> 00:54:53,373 Can't no old man do nothing for me 1390 00:54:53,416 --> 00:54:55,996 but bring me a message from a young man. 1391 00:54:57,628 --> 00:55:00,258 That's all he can do. 1392 00:55:00,297 --> 00:55:04,137 I don't want nothing old but some old money. 1393 00:55:06,137 --> 00:55:08,427 I married an old man 1394 00:55:08,472 --> 00:55:10,932 when I was nothing but a child. 1395 00:55:10,975 --> 00:55:12,805 Nothing but a child. 1396 00:55:12,852 --> 00:55:14,772 15 years old. 1397 00:55:14,812 --> 00:55:18,112 That ain't right. - That was the curse back in my day. 1398 00:55:18,149 --> 00:55:22,359 You had to marry who your parents picked out for you. 1399 00:55:22,403 --> 00:55:25,453 My daddy picked out this old man, 1400 00:55:25,489 --> 00:55:28,199 old man. 1401 00:55:28,242 --> 00:55:30,872 My daddy liked him. 1402 00:55:30,911 --> 00:55:33,581 My daddy should've married him. 1403 00:55:35,750 --> 00:55:38,130 They say 1404 00:55:38,169 --> 00:55:42,669 you shouldn't say nothing about the dead unless it's good. 1405 00:55:42,715 --> 00:55:45,335 He's dead. 1406 00:55:45,384 --> 00:55:47,094 That's good. 1407 00:55:50,306 --> 00:55:51,766 One weekend, I say to him, 1408 00:55:51,807 --> 00:55:55,267 I say, "Why don't we go out to the country? 1409 00:55:55,311 --> 00:55:58,441 You know anything about the country?" 1410 00:55:58,481 --> 00:56:00,691 - He says... - "Sure, 1411 00:56:00,733 --> 00:56:02,943 "I-I know about the country. 1412 00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:05,355 "When-when I was a young boy, 1413 00:56:05,404 --> 00:56:08,124 I used to live in the country." 1414 00:56:08,157 --> 00:56:11,117 I said, "When you was a young boy, 1415 00:56:11,160 --> 00:56:13,790 everybody lived in the country." 1416 00:56:17,333 --> 00:56:18,793 Geez. 1417 00:56:18,834 --> 00:56:20,964 That's not intimidating at all. 1418 00:56:21,003 --> 00:56:23,303 And she's as sweet as pie, to boot. 1419 00:56:23,339 --> 00:56:24,719 And thank you, Lord! 1420 00:56:24,757 --> 00:56:28,967 I'm talking to people who know what I'm talking 'bout. 1421 00:56:39,313 --> 00:56:40,963 The great Moms Mabley, ladies and gentlemen. 1422 00:56:40,981 --> 00:56:42,361 That's the way it's done. 1423 00:56:42,399 --> 00:56:44,439 I wish you'd told me that before Dayton. 1424 00:56:44,485 --> 00:56:46,355 Could've saved a whole bunch of time. 1425 00:56:46,403 --> 00:56:48,203 - Excuse me. - And now please welcome 1426 00:56:48,239 --> 00:56:50,369 - the Silver Belles. - Excuse me. 1427 00:56:50,407 --> 00:56:52,447 Go see if there's any of that Shy food left over. 1428 00:56:52,493 --> 00:56:53,873 I'm starving. 1429 00:56:53,911 --> 00:56:55,701 Excuse me. Moms? 1430 00:56:55,746 --> 00:56:59,286 I mean, Mrs.-Mrs. Moms. Miss Moms. Moms Mabley. Ma'am. 1431 00:56:59,333 --> 00:57:02,503 I don't know what to call you, but I am a really big fan. 1432 00:57:02,545 --> 00:57:05,375 Well, a really big fan might know what to call me. 1433 00:57:05,422 --> 00:57:07,382 I actually saw you in Chicago. 1434 00:57:07,424 --> 00:57:08,994 We only played one night there, and, technically, I was supposed 1435 00:57:09,009 --> 00:57:10,989 to be at the theater in case Shy called me back up for a bit, 1436 00:57:11,011 --> 00:57:12,491 which he does sometimes but not a lot... 1437 00:57:12,513 --> 00:57:14,473 Uh-huh. Get me a chair, honey. 1438 00:57:14,515 --> 00:57:16,635 - I think this is gonna take a while. 1439 00:57:16,684 --> 00:57:18,414 But I snuck out, because you were playing Mister Kelly's, 1440 00:57:18,435 --> 00:57:19,825 and I'd also never seen Mister Kelly's. 1441 00:57:19,854 --> 00:57:20,904 So, anyhow, I went. 1442 00:57:20,938 --> 00:57:23,148 You were great then, too. 1443 00:57:23,190 --> 00:57:24,480 What is your name, sweetheart? 1444 00:57:24,525 --> 00:57:26,645 Midge Maisel. Mrs. Maisel, actually. 1445 00:57:26,694 --> 00:57:28,344 - Tha-That's my stage name. - Wait a minute, 1446 00:57:28,362 --> 00:57:29,532 you're Mrs. Maisel? 1447 00:57:29,572 --> 00:57:31,492 - Yes. - Are you kidding me? 1448 00:57:31,532 --> 00:57:33,092 This is the girl opening for Shy tonight. 1449 00:57:33,117 --> 00:57:34,827 She's the one that got your spot. 1450 00:57:34,869 --> 00:57:36,749 - I did? - Yes, you did. 1451 00:57:36,787 --> 00:57:38,247 - Marcus. - She's Moms Mabley. 1452 00:57:38,289 --> 00:57:40,129 You really think she should be opening for you? 1453 00:57:40,166 --> 00:57:42,496 She's not opening for me. I'm opening for Shy. 1454 00:57:42,543 --> 00:57:44,343 You got the prime spot, Shirley Temple. 1455 00:57:44,378 --> 00:57:45,838 You can't read a program? 1456 00:57:45,880 --> 00:57:47,550 I didn't know there was a program. 1457 00:57:47,590 --> 00:57:48,550 I'm gonna talk to Shy. 1458 00:57:48,591 --> 00:57:49,551 I'm gonna really talk to Shy. 1459 00:57:49,592 --> 00:57:51,552 - Oh, Marcus, hush now. - It's not right. 1460 00:57:51,594 --> 00:57:53,324 Who the hell is this little white girl anyhow? 1461 00:57:53,345 --> 00:57:56,095 Oh, Marcus, you back off now. 1462 00:57:56,140 --> 00:57:58,540 That audience out there is gonna give her a tough enough time 1463 00:57:58,559 --> 00:58:01,269 without you in her face. 1464 00:58:01,312 --> 00:58:04,272 It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Maisel. 1465 00:58:04,315 --> 00:58:07,895 Welcome to the Apollo. 1466 00:58:12,489 --> 00:58:14,449 Oh. Good. 1467 00:58:14,491 --> 00:58:16,371 Eat this. 1468 00:58:16,410 --> 00:58:17,660 What's the matter? 1469 00:58:17,703 --> 00:58:19,753 Nothing. Do you have a program? 1470 00:58:19,788 --> 00:58:22,168 - A what? - Why am I opening for Shy, Reggie? 1471 00:58:22,208 --> 00:58:23,668 'Cause Shy ain't gonna open for you. 1472 00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:25,999 Do you think this is the right crowd for me? 1473 00:58:26,045 --> 00:58:28,415 Well, it's the crowd you got, so let's hope so. 1474 00:58:28,464 --> 00:58:30,594 I don't know. I don't know. 1475 00:58:30,633 --> 00:58:32,343 - Midge. - They loved Moms. 1476 00:58:32,384 --> 00:58:34,264 I shouldn't be on after Moms Mabley. 1477 00:58:34,303 --> 00:58:35,533 They're gonna hate me for that. 1478 00:58:35,554 --> 00:58:37,184 Oh. You been talking to Marcus? 1479 00:58:37,223 --> 00:58:38,603 He called me a white girl. 1480 00:58:38,641 --> 00:58:40,681 - Wow. Low blow. - He's right. 1481 00:58:40,726 --> 00:58:42,436 There's royalty on this stage tonight. 1482 00:58:42,478 --> 00:58:44,438 I'm-I'm not ready for this. I haven't earned it. 1483 00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:46,040 It doesn't matter if you earned it. It's here. 1484 00:58:46,065 --> 00:58:47,015 You got to do it. 1485 00:58:47,066 --> 00:58:48,186 I'm nervous. 1486 00:58:48,234 --> 00:58:49,444 I'm never nervous, 1487 00:58:49,485 --> 00:58:51,695 but, right now, I am really, really nervous. 1488 00:58:51,737 --> 00:58:52,857 Where the hell is Susie? 1489 00:58:52,905 --> 00:58:54,365 She had a family thing to do. 1490 00:58:54,406 --> 00:58:55,946 Tonight? 1491 00:58:55,991 --> 00:58:57,371 I shouldn't go out there. 1492 00:58:57,409 --> 00:58:59,039 This is a very important show for Shy. 1493 00:58:59,078 --> 00:59:00,448 It's a comeback show. 1494 00:59:00,496 --> 00:59:02,706 If I fail, it could look really bad for him. 1495 00:59:02,748 --> 00:59:03,708 Then don't fail. 1496 00:59:03,749 --> 00:59:05,129 I am gonna fail. 1497 00:59:05,167 --> 00:59:07,377 Now look at me. 1498 00:59:07,419 --> 00:59:09,549 Yes, that's gonna be a tough crowd. 1499 00:59:09,588 --> 00:59:11,218 They will love you or they will hate you, 1500 00:59:11,257 --> 00:59:13,277 and they will let you know their verdict immediately. 1501 00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:15,260 And maybe you should cut back 1502 00:59:15,302 --> 00:59:17,302 on the Jewish brisket talk a little. 1503 00:59:17,346 --> 00:59:19,306 You know Shy. They know Shy. 1504 00:59:19,348 --> 00:59:21,178 Get out there and talk about Shy. 1505 00:59:21,225 --> 00:59:22,935 I'm not following. 1506 00:59:22,977 --> 00:59:24,577 You're great at riffing. I've seen you do it. 1507 00:59:24,603 --> 00:59:26,563 Shy is like family to these people. 1508 00:59:26,605 --> 00:59:28,315 They want to hear stories about him. 1509 00:59:28,357 --> 00:59:30,317 Stories about the road, late-night craziness, 1510 00:59:30,359 --> 00:59:32,489 gossip, tantrums... They love that sort of shit. 1511 00:59:32,528 --> 00:59:34,528 You want me to talk about Shy on the road? 1512 00:59:34,571 --> 00:59:36,531 - Yep. - Shy. 1513 00:59:36,573 --> 00:59:39,033 Yes. It's not something you should do anywhere else, 1514 00:59:39,076 --> 00:59:41,036 but here, in Harlem, his hometown, 1515 00:59:41,078 --> 00:59:42,708 they'll eat it up. 1516 00:59:42,746 --> 00:59:43,826 You calm now? 1517 00:59:43,872 --> 00:59:45,122 - No. - Good. 1518 00:59:45,165 --> 00:59:47,835 - You're gonna be fine. - Thank you, Reggie. 1519 00:59:47,876 --> 00:59:50,296 You really want to thank me? 1520 00:59:52,506 --> 00:59:53,756 Ladies and gentlemen, 1521 00:59:53,799 --> 00:59:54,929 welcome to the stage, 1522 00:59:54,967 --> 00:59:56,837 her first time at the Apollo, 1523 00:59:56,885 --> 00:59:58,675 Mrs. Maisel. 1524 00:59:58,721 --> 01:00:01,311 Tits up. 1525 01:00:06,603 --> 01:00:08,563 Oh, no. 1526 01:00:22,911 --> 01:00:24,541 Whoa. 1527 01:00:24,580 --> 01:00:26,920 You all look like you've just seen a ghost. 1528 01:00:32,046 --> 01:00:34,626 Yes. Yes, I know. 1529 01:00:34,673 --> 01:00:36,593 After this, I'm heading to LaGuardia 1530 01:00:36,633 --> 01:00:38,223 to help land some planes. 1531 01:00:39,511 --> 01:00:41,601 Now, before we get any further, 1532 01:00:41,638 --> 01:00:43,348 - who made this? - I made that! 1533 01:00:43,390 --> 01:00:44,390 Me. 1534 01:00:44,433 --> 01:00:45,733 It looks like mine. 1535 01:00:45,768 --> 01:00:46,978 Mmm. 1536 01:00:47,019 --> 01:00:49,059 Unbelievable. 1537 01:00:49,104 --> 01:00:51,904 - Fried in oil? Ah. - Lard! 1538 01:00:51,940 --> 01:00:53,280 You ever use schmaltz? 1539 01:00:53,317 --> 01:00:55,277 Same heart attack, different afterlife. 1540 01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:57,360 Mmm. 1541 01:00:57,404 --> 01:00:59,374 So... 1542 01:00:59,406 --> 01:01:00,906 Shy Baldwin. 1543 01:01:04,036 --> 01:01:05,786 Oh! You've heard of him. 1544 01:01:05,829 --> 01:01:08,499 He's pretty great, huh? 1545 01:01:08,540 --> 01:01:10,130 You know where we met? 1546 01:01:10,167 --> 01:01:11,587 In the ladies' room. 1547 01:01:11,627 --> 01:01:13,337 No, seriously, we did. 1548 01:01:13,379 --> 01:01:15,049 At a charity event. I mean, picture it. 1549 01:01:15,089 --> 01:01:18,089 This pretty, dainty, elegant thing, 1550 01:01:18,133 --> 01:01:19,433 primping in the mirror, 1551 01:01:19,468 --> 01:01:21,508 and there I was, right next to him. 1552 01:01:21,553 --> 01:01:23,223 Ooh! 1553 01:01:23,263 --> 01:01:25,773 How do you compete with those cheekbones? 1554 01:01:25,808 --> 01:01:28,348 Those Ava Gardner cheekbones. 1555 01:01:28,394 --> 01:01:30,234 The man is so gorgeous 1556 01:01:30,270 --> 01:01:32,440 that Arthur Miller's sniffing around him. 1557 01:01:32,481 --> 01:01:34,321 He's the only person I know 1558 01:01:34,358 --> 01:01:37,238 gorgeous enough to play Romeo and Juliet. 1559 01:01:40,155 --> 01:01:42,115 So I've been hanging out with Shy on tour, 1560 01:01:42,157 --> 01:01:46,077 and I discovered that all he has to do is sing. 1561 01:01:46,120 --> 01:01:48,000 He has a guy for everything else. 1562 01:01:48,038 --> 01:01:49,078 Well... 1563 01:01:49,123 --> 01:01:51,083 just about everything else. 1564 01:01:51,125 --> 01:01:54,165 No, he pretty much has a guy for everything else. 1565 01:01:54,211 --> 01:01:55,631 You see 'em on the road, 1566 01:01:55,671 --> 01:01:57,971 his guys, falling over themselves outside his door. 1567 01:01:58,006 --> 01:02:00,426 "Whatever you need, Shy." "Let me tuck you in, Shy." 1568 01:02:00,467 --> 01:02:02,297 "Let me get that makeup off your collar, Shy." 1569 01:02:02,344 --> 01:02:05,314 Don't be scandalized, it's his. 1570 01:02:06,765 --> 01:02:09,385 We were on the road a while, and coming back to New York, 1571 01:02:09,435 --> 01:02:12,015 I was a half a day on a plane, a train, 1572 01:02:12,062 --> 01:02:14,022 a bus, a cab, a rickshaw. 1573 01:02:14,064 --> 01:02:16,734 Shy comes home, he doesn't need a plane. 1574 01:02:16,775 --> 01:02:17,985 He doesn't need a train. 1575 01:02:18,026 --> 01:02:20,696 He just puts on his Judy Garland shoes, 1576 01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:22,777 clicks his heels together three times and says, 1577 01:02:22,823 --> 01:02:25,663 "There's no place like Harlem. There's no place like Harlem." 1578 01:02:32,708 --> 01:02:34,708 And his closet? 1579 01:02:34,751 --> 01:02:36,961 It's enormous. 1580 01:02:37,004 --> 01:02:38,884 It has a doorbell. 1581 01:02:38,922 --> 01:02:41,972 I went in there once, at a party. Amazing. 1582 01:02:42,009 --> 01:02:44,719 With the silks and the satins, the chiffons, 1583 01:02:44,761 --> 01:02:47,061 the chenilles... These aren't girl groups, 1584 01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:48,967 these are his clothes. 1585 01:02:50,476 --> 01:02:51,726 Hey. 1586 01:02:51,768 --> 01:02:53,268 Who made this? 1587 01:02:53,312 --> 01:02:54,982 Mm, yeah. 1588 01:02:55,022 --> 01:02:58,032 I-I'm not actually a comedian, I just came here to eat. 1589 01:02:58,066 --> 01:03:01,026 Mm-hmm. 1590 01:03:02,070 --> 01:03:05,200 Shy takes Cleopatra milk baths! 1591 01:03:05,240 --> 01:03:07,780 Actually, I have no idea if that's true, 1592 01:03:07,826 --> 01:03:10,946 but it feels true, right? 1593 01:03:18,420 --> 01:03:21,420 Boy, it went up a lot faster than I thought it would. 1594 01:03:21,465 --> 01:03:24,045 60 years of Southern Comfort in that floor 1595 01:03:24,092 --> 01:03:27,102 probably sped up the process. 1596 01:03:27,137 --> 01:03:29,517 It's almost beautiful like this, isn't it? 1597 01:03:29,556 --> 01:03:31,176 - No. - Yeah. 1598 01:03:32,726 --> 01:03:34,346 So... 1599 01:03:34,394 --> 01:03:36,814 this gonna get you out of your hole? 1600 01:03:36,855 --> 01:03:38,515 Well... the insurance will cover 1601 01:03:38,565 --> 01:03:40,685 Midge's portion of the money I lost. 1602 01:03:40,734 --> 01:03:43,154 - That's what's important. - What about you? 1603 01:03:43,195 --> 01:03:45,025 I don't need much. 1604 01:03:45,072 --> 01:03:46,992 Hey, Tess... 1605 01:03:47,032 --> 01:03:49,242 thanks for committing a felony with me. 1606 01:03:49,284 --> 01:03:50,834 Thanks for making sure 1607 01:03:50,869 --> 01:03:53,459 I never have to sleep in that house again. 1608 01:03:53,497 --> 01:03:55,057 Though I still wish you would have waited 1609 01:03:55,082 --> 01:03:56,832 till Skint was in there to light it up. 1610 01:03:56,875 --> 01:03:58,835 It was tempting, I got to admit. 1611 01:03:58,877 --> 01:04:00,587 You know, you can just leave him. 1612 01:04:00,629 --> 01:04:02,629 Setting him on fire would have been easier. 1613 01:04:02,673 --> 01:04:04,173 You got to do something, Tess. 1614 01:04:04,216 --> 01:04:06,716 You shouldn't be miserable forever. 1615 01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:08,260 Yeah. 1616 01:04:08,303 --> 01:04:10,813 Well... 1617 01:04:10,847 --> 01:04:11,967 bye, Mom. 1618 01:04:12,015 --> 01:04:13,885 Hope it's better where you are. 1619 01:04:16,895 --> 01:04:19,815 Hey, where is she, by the way? Mortuary, or...? 1620 01:04:19,856 --> 01:04:22,186 Shit. I forgot to ask. 1621 01:04:22,234 --> 01:04:24,324 I'll call tomorrow. 1622 01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:26,701 I think that's how she would have wanted it. 1623 01:04:26,738 --> 01:04:29,488 She's gone, and we have no idea where. 1624 01:04:29,533 --> 01:04:31,203 Hmm. 1625 01:04:39,626 --> 01:04:41,666 Hold on, my mouth is full. 1626 01:04:41,712 --> 01:04:44,052 Oh, now you're just adding 1627 01:04:44,089 --> 01:04:45,719 your own punch lines. 1628 01:04:47,384 --> 01:04:50,054 Well, this has been the biggest honor of my life. 1629 01:04:50,095 --> 01:04:53,385 To stand here at the Apollo and eat on the same stage 1630 01:04:53,432 --> 01:04:56,942 that Moms Mabley killed on just moments ago. 1631 01:04:58,186 --> 01:05:00,646 Thank you, Shy Baldwin. 1632 01:05:00,689 --> 01:05:02,939 And speaking of Shy Baldwin... 1633 01:05:05,193 --> 01:05:07,493 He clearly doesn't need an introduction, 1634 01:05:07,529 --> 01:05:09,449 but here it is anyhow. 1635 01:05:09,489 --> 01:05:11,579 Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, 1636 01:05:11,617 --> 01:05:14,867 the fabulous Shy Baldwin! 1637 01:05:29,176 --> 01:05:31,256 ♪ ♪ 1638 01:06:02,834 --> 01:06:04,844 ♪ ♪ 1639 01:06:12,511 --> 01:06:15,391 ♪ I want somebody ♪ 1640 01:06:15,430 --> 01:06:18,810 ♪ To hold my hand ♪ 1641 01:06:18,850 --> 01:06:22,270 ♪ Somebody to love me ♪ 1642 01:06:22,312 --> 01:06:24,822 ♪ And understand ♪ 1643 01:06:25,982 --> 01:06:27,822 ♪ I want a woman ♪ 1644 01:06:28,985 --> 01:06:32,605 ♪ I want a lover ♪ 1645 01:06:32,656 --> 01:06:34,696 ♪ I want a friend ♪ 1646 01:06:36,993 --> 01:06:39,333 ♪ I... ♪ 1647 01:06:39,371 --> 01:06:42,211 ♪ I want somebody ♪ 1648 01:06:42,249 --> 01:06:45,959 ♪ To share my love ♪ 1649 01:06:46,002 --> 01:06:47,962 ♪ 'Cause loving is something ♪ 1650 01:06:48,004 --> 01:06:50,724 - ♪ Come on and hold me tight ♪ - ♪ I got plenty of ♪ 1651 01:06:50,757 --> 01:06:52,717 ♪ Bring me your love tonight ♪ 1652 01:06:52,759 --> 01:06:55,429 ♪ I want a woman ♪ 1653 01:06:55,470 --> 01:06:57,430 ♪ I want a lover ♪ 1654 01:06:57,472 --> 01:06:58,972 ♪ He wants a lover ♪ 1655 01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:02,435 ♪ I want a friend ♪ 1656 01:07:03,895 --> 01:07:05,855 ♪ Ooh... ♪ 1657 01:07:05,897 --> 01:07:08,857 ♪ I don't want a fancy gal ♪ 1658 01:07:08,900 --> 01:07:11,110 ♪ With powder and paint ♪ 1659 01:07:12,195 --> 01:07:14,485 ♪ I don't want a woman ♪ 1660 01:07:15,824 --> 01:07:17,994 ♪ Who thinks she's a saint ♪ 1661 01:07:18,034 --> 01:07:21,834 ♪ I'm looking for someone ♪ 1662 01:07:21,872 --> 01:07:24,502 ♪ Who's not make-believe ♪ 1663 01:07:25,792 --> 01:07:28,502 ♪ And doesn't mind giving ♪ 1664 01:07:28,545 --> 01:07:32,545 ♪ That she may receive ♪ 1665 01:07:32,591 --> 01:07:35,551 ♪ There must be somebody ♪ 1666 01:07:35,594 --> 01:07:37,394 ♪ Somewhere around... ♪ 1667 01:07:37,429 --> 01:07:39,389 I have to tell you, Mrs. Maisel, 1668 01:07:39,431 --> 01:07:42,021 the staff is really excited about your moving back in. 1669 01:07:42,058 --> 01:07:44,978 - We've missed you. - I've missed you, too, Antonio. 1670 01:07:45,020 --> 01:07:47,440 Now, technically, I'm not supposed to let you in 1671 01:07:47,481 --> 01:07:50,151 until the first of the month, but it's you, so... 1672 01:07:50,192 --> 01:07:51,572 It's our secret. I promise. 1673 01:07:51,610 --> 01:07:53,490 Okay. Well, I'll leave you to it. 1674 01:07:53,528 --> 01:07:55,068 Uh, take your time. 1675 01:07:55,113 --> 01:07:57,493 I'll come back and lock up when you're done. 1676 01:07:57,532 --> 01:07:59,032 Bye, Antonio. 1677 01:08:08,960 --> 01:08:12,260 ♪ It's very clear ♪ 1678 01:08:12,297 --> 01:08:14,927 ♪ Our love is here to stay ♪ 1679 01:08:17,093 --> 01:08:20,223 ♪ Not for a year ♪ 1680 01:08:20,263 --> 01:08:23,143 ♪ But ever and a day ♪ 1681 01:08:24,810 --> 01:08:26,770 ♪ The radio ♪ 1682 01:08:26,812 --> 01:08:28,562 ♪ And the telephone ♪ 1683 01:08:28,605 --> 01:08:30,395 ♪ And the movies ♪ 1684 01:08:30,440 --> 01:08:32,190 ♪ That we know ♪ 1685 01:08:32,234 --> 01:08:35,154 ♪ May just be passing fancies ♪ 1686 01:08:35,195 --> 01:08:37,235 ♪ And in time may go ♪ 1687 01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:39,410 Welcome home. 1688 01:08:39,449 --> 01:08:42,289 ♪ But oh, my dear ♪ 1689 01:08:42,327 --> 01:08:45,157 ♪ Love is here to stay ♪ 1690 01:08:46,623 --> 01:08:49,793 ♪ Together we're... ♪ 1691 01:08:52,337 --> 01:08:54,047 Take the big trunks first! 1692 01:08:54,089 --> 01:08:55,799 Those go on the bottom! 1693 01:08:55,841 --> 01:08:58,091 Is my hatbox down there? 1694 01:08:58,134 --> 01:09:00,604 - Which hatbox? - The hatbox with the yellow hat. 1695 01:09:00,637 --> 01:09:02,557 - Which yellow hat? - Off the lawn! 1696 01:09:02,597 --> 01:09:05,137 Do not walk on the lawn! That's new lawn! 1697 01:09:05,183 --> 01:09:07,353 Miriam! You have two meters running. 1698 01:09:07,394 --> 01:09:08,904 Two meters! 1699 01:09:08,937 --> 01:09:10,397 Do not walk on the plants! 1700 01:09:10,438 --> 01:09:12,568 Do not under any circumstances touch that tree. 1701 01:09:12,607 --> 01:09:15,107 I've been putting boxes in the car for an hour, 1702 01:09:15,151 --> 01:09:16,651 and it's not getting any smaller. 1703 01:09:16,695 --> 01:09:18,105 It's nice to have a soundtrack. 1704 01:09:18,154 --> 01:09:20,164 I can't find the yellow hat! 1705 01:09:20,198 --> 01:09:21,658 Abe, answer the phone. 1706 01:09:21,700 --> 01:09:24,700 Why am I always answering the phone in this house? 1707 01:09:24,744 --> 01:09:27,044 - It's not my house. - I found the yellow hat, 1708 01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:28,390 - but I need another hatbox. - Take these. 1709 01:09:28,415 --> 01:09:29,955 I can say with certain authority 1710 01:09:30,000 --> 01:09:31,290 you do not need another hatbox. 1711 01:09:31,334 --> 01:09:34,134 - Take my hatbox! - Mama, can I take your hatbox? 1712 01:09:34,170 --> 01:09:36,380 - Am I still answering the phone? - Yes. 1713 01:09:36,423 --> 01:09:39,223 -Yes! -Two cabs, two meters. -Hello? 1714 01:09:39,259 --> 01:09:41,109 -Two horns honking. -You're from where? The Village what? 1715 01:09:41,136 --> 01:09:42,656 I'll take care of the honking. - I can't hear you. 1716 01:09:42,679 --> 01:09:45,929 I live in a lunatic asylum. I'll take this in the kitchen. 1717 01:09:45,974 --> 01:09:48,644 - I'll take it in the kitchen! - Okay, I'm ready. 1718 01:09:48,685 --> 01:09:50,725 - She's coming! - I want to say goodbye to the kids. 1719 01:09:50,770 --> 01:09:52,000 You already said goodbye to the kids. 1720 01:09:52,022 --> 01:09:53,442 That was just the first goodbye. 1721 01:09:53,481 --> 01:09:55,041 Ethan went to play with the little boy across the street. 1722 01:09:55,066 --> 01:09:56,786 Why'd you let him do that? I wanted to say goodbye. 1723 01:09:56,818 --> 01:09:58,168 - You already said goodbye. - Mama. 1724 01:09:58,194 --> 01:10:00,244 We put all the trunks in the car except one. 1725 01:10:00,280 --> 01:10:04,530 How important is the one labeled "bows"? 1726 01:10:04,576 --> 01:10:06,406 Back to square one, Charlie! 1727 01:10:06,453 --> 01:10:07,913 Where the hell are you?! 1728 01:10:07,954 --> 01:10:09,684 - They're gonna turn the meters back on. - No, they're not. 1729 01:10:09,706 --> 01:10:11,326 I want to say goodbye to the kids. 1730 01:10:11,374 --> 01:10:13,634 Ethan, Mommy's leaving! 1731 01:10:13,668 --> 01:10:15,128 Well, you'll never get him that way. 1732 01:10:15,170 --> 01:10:18,760 Ethan! Get your butt back here now! 1733 01:10:18,798 --> 01:10:19,898 - Mommy's leaving. - Shut up! 1734 01:10:19,925 --> 01:10:21,465 I miss all the new words. 1735 01:10:21,509 --> 01:10:23,259 Say a new word for Mommy. Say "kitty." 1736 01:10:23,303 --> 01:10:25,103 - She can't say kitty. - Say "doggy." 1737 01:10:25,138 --> 01:10:26,858 - She can't say doggy. - Say something, kid. 1738 01:10:26,890 --> 01:10:28,520 - You'll give her a complex. - Me? 1739 01:10:28,558 --> 01:10:30,308 You're the one who has her doing leg lifts. 1740 01:10:30,352 --> 01:10:32,482 - That was someone from The Village Voice. - What? 1741 01:10:32,520 --> 01:10:34,290 - It's a newspaper. - We don't need a subscription. 1742 01:10:34,314 --> 01:10:36,084 - They were not selling subscriptions. - Come on, Esther, one new word. 1743 01:10:36,107 --> 01:10:38,587 - One new word for Mommy. - He wants me to be their theater critic. 1744 01:10:38,610 --> 01:10:40,050 -You can't demand a word. It doesn't work like that. - "Ball." 1745 01:10:40,070 --> 01:10:41,400 - Wh-What did you say? - "Door." 1746 01:10:41,446 --> 01:10:43,126 -They want me to be their theater critic. - "Hat." 1747 01:10:43,156 --> 01:10:44,336 -I have to go talk to them right now. - "Bell." 1748 01:10:44,366 --> 01:10:45,736 I found Ethan! 1749 01:10:45,784 --> 01:10:47,584 "Martini, extra dry." 1750 01:10:47,619 --> 01:10:50,499 Get out here, say goodbye, and get in the cab. 1751 01:10:50,538 --> 01:10:51,788 I give up. Bye-bye, sweetheart. 1752 01:10:51,831 --> 01:10:53,211 I'll call you when I get there. 1753 01:10:53,249 --> 01:10:55,629 - I'll call when I get there. - They want you to do what? 1754 01:10:55,669 --> 01:10:58,049 Miriam! Call when you get there. 1755 01:10:58,088 --> 01:11:00,718 Abe, did you say theater critic? 1756 01:11:16,690 --> 01:11:18,270 You're kidding. Two cabs? 1757 01:11:18,316 --> 01:11:19,816 Seems like more than it is. 1758 01:11:19,859 --> 01:11:21,609 How? Is the third cab invisible? 1759 01:11:21,653 --> 01:11:23,913 I'm so excited. 1760 01:11:23,947 --> 01:11:25,987 Why does your hat smell like a barbecue? 1761 01:11:26,032 --> 01:11:27,202 Is this all your luggage? 1762 01:11:27,242 --> 01:11:29,912 Yeah. We may need a second plane. 1763 01:11:29,953 --> 01:11:31,833 - Hold on a second. - Hey, Reggie. 1764 01:11:31,871 --> 01:11:34,121 - So the second cab's a joke. - It's not a joke. 1765 01:11:34,165 --> 01:11:35,745 It's a hilarious fuckin' joke. 1766 01:11:35,792 --> 01:11:37,042 There's been a change of plans. 1767 01:11:37,085 --> 01:11:38,585 You two are not getting on the plane. 1768 01:11:38,628 --> 01:11:40,108 Seriously, she can leave half the shit here. 1769 01:11:40,130 --> 01:11:41,510 I cannot leave it here. 1770 01:11:41,548 --> 01:11:43,048 It has nothing to do with the luggage. 1771 01:11:43,091 --> 01:11:44,931 You're not going on tour. 1772 01:11:44,968 --> 01:11:47,138 What? Why not? 1773 01:11:47,178 --> 01:11:49,258 - Shy changed his mind. - What do you mean? 1774 01:11:49,305 --> 01:11:51,215 He doesn't want you to open for him anymore. 1775 01:11:51,266 --> 01:11:53,846 But... I-I don't understand. 1776 01:11:53,893 --> 01:11:55,903 - We just got a new contract. - Contract is void. 1777 01:11:55,937 --> 01:11:58,647 - What does that mean? - You didn't sign it. It's void. 1778 01:11:58,690 --> 01:12:00,780 Shy dropped me because I didn't sign the contract? 1779 01:12:00,817 --> 01:12:03,627 - I was gonna sign the contract. - It has nothing to do with the contract. 1780 01:12:03,653 --> 01:12:04,823 Then why? 1781 01:12:04,863 --> 01:12:06,873 Your act last night. 1782 01:12:06,906 --> 01:12:08,946 My act last night went great. 1783 01:12:08,992 --> 01:12:10,492 It's what you said in your act. 1784 01:12:10,535 --> 01:12:12,035 What did you say in your act? 1785 01:12:12,078 --> 01:12:13,288 I talked about Shy. 1786 01:12:13,329 --> 01:12:14,539 You said a lot about Shy. 1787 01:12:14,581 --> 01:12:16,831 - You told me to do that. - Personal shit. 1788 01:12:16,875 --> 01:12:18,455 What kind of personal shit? 1789 01:12:18,501 --> 01:12:20,631 Reggie, you said go out there and talk about Shy. 1790 01:12:20,670 --> 01:12:23,400 - I know. - You said he was their family, that they knew all about him. 1791 01:12:23,423 --> 01:12:28,223 I know. But I didn't know that you knew all about him. 1792 01:12:28,261 --> 01:12:29,471 Knew what about him? 1793 01:12:29,512 --> 01:12:31,062 Why's everyone talking in code? 1794 01:12:31,097 --> 01:12:32,467 I made some jokes. 1795 01:12:32,515 --> 01:12:34,015 Some jokes that hit too close to home. 1796 01:12:34,059 --> 01:12:35,189 But I-I didn't hit home. 1797 01:12:35,226 --> 01:12:37,016 I was at least two houses down. 1798 01:12:37,062 --> 01:12:39,482 Shy knew what you were saying. That's all that mattered. 1799 01:12:39,522 --> 01:12:40,792 - What did you say about Shy? - Reggie, 1800 01:12:40,815 --> 01:12:42,375 I thought I was doing what you told me to do. 1801 01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:44,690 - Please, just let me talk to Shy. - No. 1802 01:12:44,736 --> 01:12:46,126 I have to tell him this was a big misunderstanding. 1803 01:12:46,154 --> 01:12:48,134 - He doesn't want to talk to you. - Then you tell him. 1804 01:12:48,156 --> 01:12:50,006 Tell him you told me to go out there and do that. 1805 01:12:50,033 --> 01:12:51,333 I am not gonna do that. 1806 01:12:51,367 --> 01:12:54,537 - Why not? - Midge, Shy is my boy. 1807 01:12:54,579 --> 01:12:56,709 I'm supposed to protect him. 1808 01:12:56,748 --> 01:12:58,828 I'm not gonna tell him I sent some girl up there 1809 01:12:58,875 --> 01:13:01,835 to tell the world that he's... what he is. 1810 01:13:01,878 --> 01:13:04,338 - What is he?! - Please, they were jokes. 1811 01:13:04,380 --> 01:13:07,260 "Judy Garland shoes"? 1812 01:13:07,300 --> 01:13:09,340 Oh. 1813 01:13:09,385 --> 01:13:11,425 Oh... shit! 1814 01:13:11,471 --> 01:13:12,931 Reggie, this can't happen. 1815 01:13:12,972 --> 01:13:15,232 I mean, me and Shy, we're friends. 1816 01:13:15,266 --> 01:13:17,636 You are not friends. 1817 01:13:17,685 --> 01:13:21,725 You were on tour together, and now you're not. 1818 01:13:21,773 --> 01:13:24,983 - Susie. - Hey, Reggie, please. 1819 01:13:25,026 --> 01:13:26,856 This was obviously a big-ass breach here, 1820 01:13:26,903 --> 01:13:28,533 but there's gotta be something we can do. 1821 01:13:28,571 --> 01:13:30,201 Anything. I don't care what it is. 1822 01:13:30,240 --> 01:13:31,740 I mean, we'll cut our rate. 1823 01:13:31,783 --> 01:13:33,053 We'll do the Christmas show for nothing. 1824 01:13:33,076 --> 01:13:34,656 I will iron your fuckin' jockey shorts. 1825 01:13:34,702 --> 01:13:37,662 - Just please, please don't do this. - I'm sorry. 1826 01:13:37,705 --> 01:13:40,245 Fuck sorry. Come on! 1827 01:13:42,377 --> 01:13:44,997 Susie, you're gonna be 1828 01:13:45,046 --> 01:13:48,256 right where I am someday. 1829 01:13:48,299 --> 01:13:49,339 You'll see. 1830 01:13:59,811 --> 01:14:02,561 Susie? 1831 01:14:04,607 --> 01:14:07,187 It's okay. 1832 01:14:07,235 --> 01:14:09,355 We're gonna be okay. 1833 01:14:18,496 --> 01:14:20,496 ♪ ♪ 1834 01:14:28,506 --> 01:14:31,796 ♪ As I walk through ♪ 1835 01:14:31,843 --> 01:14:35,353 ♪ This wicked world ♪ 1836 01:14:35,388 --> 01:14:37,558 ♪ Searchin' for light ♪ 1837 01:14:37,599 --> 01:14:42,229 ♪ In the darkness of insanity ♪ 1838 01:14:42,270 --> 01:14:45,520 ♪ I ask myself ♪ 1839 01:14:45,565 --> 01:14:49,025 ♪ Is all hope lost? ♪ 1840 01:14:49,068 --> 01:14:52,948 ♪ Is there only pain and hatred ♪ 1841 01:14:52,989 --> 01:14:56,029 ♪ And misery? ♪ 1842 01:14:56,075 --> 01:15:00,115 ♪ And each time I feel like this inside ♪ 1843 01:15:00,163 --> 01:15:03,633 ♪ There's one thing I wanna know ♪ 1844 01:15:03,666 --> 01:15:05,836 ♪ What's so funny 'bout peace, love ♪ 1845 01:15:05,877 --> 01:15:08,627 ♪ And understanding? ♪ 1846 01:15:08,671 --> 01:15:10,381 ♪ Oh-oh ♪ 1847 01:15:10,423 --> 01:15:12,633 ♪ What's so funny 'bout peace, love ♪ 1848 01:15:12,675 --> 01:15:15,795 ♪ And understanding? ♪ 1849 01:15:29,567 --> 01:15:32,607 ♪ And as I walked on ♪ 1850 01:15:32,654 --> 01:15:36,284 ♪ Through troubled times ♪ 1851 01:15:36,324 --> 01:15:40,254 ♪ My spirit gets so downhearted ♪ 1852 01:15:40,286 --> 01:15:43,206 ♪ Sometimes ♪ 1853 01:15:43,248 --> 01:15:46,458 ♪ So where are the strong? ♪ 1854 01:15:46,501 --> 01:15:50,051 ♪ And who are the trusted? ♪ 1855 01:15:50,088 --> 01:15:55,008 ♪ And where is the harmony? ♪ 1856 01:15:55,051 --> 01:15:57,011 ♪ Sweet harmony ♪ 1857 01:15:57,053 --> 01:16:01,023 ♪ 'Cause each time I feel it slippin' away ♪ 1858 01:16:01,057 --> 01:16:04,597 ♪ Just makes me wanna cry ♪ 1859 01:16:04,644 --> 01:16:06,904 ♪ What's so funny 'bout peace, love ♪ 1860 01:16:06,938 --> 01:16:09,608 ♪ And understanding? ♪ 1861 01:16:09,649 --> 01:16:11,399 ♪ Oh-oh ♪ 1862 01:16:11,442 --> 01:16:13,572 ♪ What's so funny 'bout peace, love ♪ 1863 01:16:13,611 --> 01:16:16,781 ♪ And understanding? ♪ 130193

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