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1
00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:02,999
Anything?
2
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,519
Nope. Nobody know squat.
3
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,159
What the here is going on?
4
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,699
We haven't had any new humans
to torture in, like, a week.
5
00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:10,199
- I miss it.
- I know.
6
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,299
I got so desperate this morning,
7
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:12,949
I tried flattening an eggplant.
8
00:00:12,950 --> 00:00:14,119
It's just not the same.
9
00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,549
Hey, skin tags. Special meeting.
10
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,039
- About what?
- I don't know.
11
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,889
Probably your dad's stinky sack.
12
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:24,589
I hope it's not more sexual
harassment training.
13
00:00:24,590 --> 00:00:27,979
We just did that, and
I'm already so good at it.
14
00:00:27,980 --> 00:00:29,689
Whoa.
15
00:00:29,690 --> 00:00:31,139
All right. We got them.
16
00:00:31,140 --> 00:00:33,429
Okay, here we go!
17
00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:36,661
Yeah, uh, that's not exactly
what's happening here.
18
00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:39,164
The Bad Place is going to be changing,
19
00:00:39,165 --> 00:00:42,359
and I'm... well, I'm
kind of your boss now.
20
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:44,839
He's joking, right?
21
00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:47,505
I'm afraid he's not.
Things are changing.
22
00:00:47,506 --> 00:00:50,099
Michael and I are
actually going to be...
23
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,839
Working together. Ugh. Oh, I hated that.
24
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,339
I hated saying it. Hated how it felt.
25
00:00:58,340 --> 00:00:59,809
Hated all of it. Ugh.
26
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,185
You all have been hand-selected
27
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:04,156
to be the very first
Bad Place Architects
28
00:01:04,157 --> 00:01:05,604
who will learn the new system.
29
00:01:05,605 --> 00:01:08,159
Why do we need a new
system? Torture works.
30
00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,929
It's the way it's always been done.
31
00:01:09,930 --> 00:01:11,559
With all due respect,
32
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,179
"it's the way it's always been done"
33
00:01:13,180 --> 00:01:15,879
is an excuse that's been
used for hundreds of years
34
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,229
to justify racism, misogyny...
35
00:01:18,230 --> 00:01:21,748
Exactly. See? This chick gets it.
36
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:26,699
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
37
00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:27,899
_
38
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,449
So these computers have access
39
00:01:30,450 --> 00:01:32,175
to every file for every human
40
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,849
currently in the Bad Place,
41
00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:35,595
and the three of us have
a very important job.
42
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:37,719
To find out which former U.S. presidents
43
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:38,890
were secretly gay.
44
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:40,600
- No.
- Okay, fine, bi.
45
00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,129
Sure, but also,
46
00:01:42,130 --> 00:01:44,059
while Michael is trying to
get the Architects trained,
47
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,239
we're supposed to find
48
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,315
the first 1,000 humans
to take the test...
49
00:01:47,316 --> 00:01:49,275
people who will just
sail right through it
50
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,524
so we can build
confidence in the system.
51
00:01:51,525 --> 00:01:53,279
So what are the criteria? Should it be
52
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,979
people with the highest point totals
53
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,779
or overcame the greatest hardship?
54
00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:58,249
I think we just start with the gimmes...
55
00:01:58,250 --> 00:01:59,859
the very best people who ever lived.
56
00:01:59,860 --> 00:02:03,910
So Evel Knievel, Kool-Aid Man, Mini-Me,
57
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:07,627
DJ Jazzy Jeff, a genie so we
can wish for infinity people.
58
00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:08,989
- Jason...
- Sure, throw me in there, too.
59
00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:10,359
Also, Fat Bastard,
60
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,989
the World's Most Interesting Man,
61
00:02:11,990 --> 00:02:14,842
Pikachu, Karate Kid, Wendy from Wendy's,
62
00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:18,669
Grumpy Cat, and the GPS lady
that tells you where to drive.
63
00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:20,765
Feels like a good stopping point.
64
00:02:20,766 --> 00:02:22,809
Let's call it a day, come
back fresh tomorrow.
65
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,520
- Great job, everyone.
- What... Uh...
66
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:32,230
Okay, Janet's passing out
the file on Tahani Al-Jamil,
67
00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,737
who volunteered to be
today's test subject.
68
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,579
So take a look, and
then we'll get going.
69
00:02:36,580 --> 00:02:38,405
They don't seem very enthused.
70
00:02:38,406 --> 00:02:40,451
This may be a tougher
challenge than I thought,
71
00:02:40,452 --> 00:02:43,359
like when I tried to teach
Taylor Swift how to dance.
72
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:45,559
The longest four years of my life.
73
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:48,729
We're uprooting the
entire Bad Place system,
74
00:02:48,730 --> 00:02:51,059
and these Architects
are set in their ways.
75
00:02:51,060 --> 00:02:52,999
It's gonna take a lot of work,
76
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,092
but the work is the fun part, guys.
77
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,927
So no matter who long it takes,
78
00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:01,939
see it through and usher in
a better, brighter future.
79
00:03:01,940 --> 00:03:05,279
Screw this. I'm not
working for a traitor.
80
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,059
Phil out. That's my name, Phil.
81
00:03:08,060 --> 00:03:10,299
Oh, Phil, hey. Come on, buddy.
82
00:03:10,300 --> 00:03:13,419
I personally chose you based
on your innovative work
83
00:03:13,420 --> 00:03:15,862
in the Performative Wokeness department.
84
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:19,059
Wow. Way to mansplain
my own department to me.
85
00:03:19,060 --> 00:03:20,992
And I'm triggered.
86
00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:24,699
Oh, man. What a legend.
87
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:25,959
Ooh, who you reading about?
88
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,399
Me. I ruled on Earth.
89
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,039
I siphoned so much gas, Eleanor.
90
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:35,479
Even if the car was moving
or on fire or a boat,
91
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:37,175
I still always got that gas.
92
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:39,309
Oh, man. I never thought about the fact
93
00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:40,999
that we could look up our own files.
94
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,140
Yeah, I printed out all of ours.
95
00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,649
I love you, okay?
96
00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:50,062
Oh. The words are nice,
but the tone is scary.
97
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,659
We're in love, and everything's great,
98
00:03:51,660 --> 00:03:53,129
and if we want to keep it that way,
99
00:03:53,130 --> 00:03:56,439
you have to promise to never,
ever, ever read my file.
100
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,339
Okay. If you don't want me
to, then of course I won't,
101
00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,570
but nothing in there could ever
change how I feel about you.
102
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,369
Eh, you say that now, but you don't know
103
00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:06,370
what I did on Halloween 2013.
104
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,204
What did you do on Halloween 2013?
105
00:04:08,205 --> 00:04:10,199
Oh, I don't remember,
but it must've been bad,
106
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,479
because the next morning,
I woke up in a large
107
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,779
Rubbermaid container in
some family's basement,
108
00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:16,879
and I had barfed all over
their old photo albums.
109
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,008
Yeah, see, that's the look
110
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,619
we're trying to avoid here, bud.
111
00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:22,428
I don't need to read your file.
112
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,239
I know you, and I love you.
113
00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:29,180
And I can't wait to spend
eternity with you.
114
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:32,899
I mean, obviously, we have
a lot of work to do here,
115
00:04:32,900 --> 00:04:34,529
and then we both have to pass the test,
116
00:04:34,530 --> 00:04:36,339
but eventually we're gonna
be together forever...
117
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:37,401
You have to read my file right now!
118
00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,859
What? I'm confused. Is this a game?
119
00:04:39,860 --> 00:04:42,609
Is it a sex game somehow?
120
00:04:42,610 --> 00:04:43,866
I can't risk it.
121
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:46,299
What if we spend half
of eternity together
122
00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:48,019
and then you find out something
123
00:04:48,020 --> 00:04:49,620
that does change the
way you feel about me
124
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:53,319
and then you resent me for
wasting half your eternity?
125
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,689
No, it's better we just
rip the Band-Aid off,
126
00:04:55,690 --> 00:04:57,449
and you read about all the bad stuff now
127
00:04:57,450 --> 00:04:58,589
when we're hot and heavy.
128
00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,923
Okay. I'll read your file.
129
00:04:59,924 --> 00:05:02,659
Can I finish reading about
Oskar Schindler first?
130
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:05,346
That's who I got to
follow? The list guy?
131
00:05:05,347 --> 00:05:07,974
You and I are so screwed, dude.
132
00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,669
After as many attempts as it takes,
133
00:05:09,670 --> 00:05:11,769
if your human passes
the test and proves that
134
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,279
they deserve to go to the Good Place,
135
00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,639
you'll hear this sound.
136
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:17,179
Good Place, here I come.
137
00:05:17,180 --> 00:05:18,779
This new system is great.
138
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:22,749
Who do we have to thank for
effortlessly implementing it?
139
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,759
Whoever it is, I think we can all agree
140
00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:25,809
it was a home run.
141
00:05:25,810 --> 00:05:29,069
It was me. Okay, bye, everyone.
142
00:05:29,070 --> 00:05:32,439
Sweet Hitler's hairpiece.
Is this movie finally over?
143
00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,626
It's basically over. Just one little...
144
00:05:34,627 --> 00:05:36,649
♪ It's simply the test ♪
145
00:05:39,780 --> 00:05:43,759
♪ Better than other tests ♪
146
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,019
- I think we should stop.
- Okay, so, thoughts?
147
00:05:46,020 --> 00:05:49,199
Yeah. This all sounds so lame.
148
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,999
No, it's the current system that's lame.
149
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,390
It's so basic.
150
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,719
You get a human's file,
and let's be honest,
151
00:05:55,720 --> 00:05:56,879
you never even read it.
152
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,579
You just skip to the fears
and phobias section
153
00:05:59,580 --> 00:06:01,020
and use that to torture them.
154
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,529
Fear of snakes, throw
them in a snake pit.
155
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,679
Worried something's gonna
happen to your normal
156
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:08,030
cylindrical penis, flatten it.
157
00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:10,244
This new way allows you to test
158
00:06:10,245 --> 00:06:13,469
their specific psychological
flaws and weaknesses.
159
00:06:13,470 --> 00:06:15,939
And trust us, they have plenty.
160
00:06:15,940 --> 00:06:17,079
- Hey.
- Sorry.
161
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:18,279
I'm in selling mode.
162
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:20,009
Guys, this is your chance to be part
163
00:06:20,010 --> 00:06:21,714
of a bold new future.
164
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:24,739
You telling me there's
not one single demon
165
00:06:24,740 --> 00:06:27,719
who wants to design the
very first sample test
166
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,139
of this new system?
167
00:06:29,140 --> 00:06:30,679
Oh, there is.
168
00:06:30,680 --> 00:06:33,268
And she's a stone-cold fox.
169
00:06:35,560 --> 00:06:37,769
Vicky, what are you doing here?
170
00:06:37,770 --> 00:06:39,859
Relax. I heard about the new system,
171
00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:41,942
I love it, and I want
to be a part of it.
172
00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,059
Forgive me if I'm a little skeptical,
173
00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:46,289
given that you did once try to sabotage
174
00:06:46,290 --> 00:06:47,899
my entire Neighborhood.
175
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,570
Look, after you blew me into goo,
176
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:52,161
I had a lot of time to think,
while my goo was re-forming.
177
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:53,519
If things are gonna change,
178
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:55,879
then I have to change along with them.
179
00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:00,219
And, sure, change can be
scary, but I'm an artist...
180
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:03,714
which means it's my job to be scared.
181
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:05,999
All right, fine. Take a seat.
182
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,969
Janet'll give you Tahani's file.
183
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,345
Oh, no, I don't...
I don't need her file.
184
00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:11,180
I know Tahani very well...
185
00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:14,519
self-obsessed, family issues,
way too into being tall.
186
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,419
Typical Vicky... throwing shade.
187
00:07:16,420 --> 00:07:18,259
But it doesn't matter...
188
00:07:18,260 --> 00:07:19,480
'cause I'm casting it.
189
00:07:20,220 --> 00:07:22,999
Because I'm closer to the Sun.
190
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,220
I'm tall.
191
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,619
Oh, no. I knew it.
192
00:07:28,620 --> 00:07:30,219
You hate me now. What did it?
193
00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:32,490
The time I was subpoenaed by
the Make-A-Wish Foundation?
194
00:07:32,494 --> 00:07:34,870
- No.
- Oh, I know what it was.
195
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:36,499
In my defense, I didn't realize
196
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:37,659
he was my boyfriend's twin
197
00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:39,455
until halfway into hooking up with him,
198
00:07:39,456 --> 00:07:41,799
and at that point, you
know, it's a sunk cost.
199
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,129
I don't hate you at all.
200
00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,939
I mean, you were dealt
a pretty tough hand.
201
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,839
You essentially had to raise yourself,
202
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,039
but you were still more
confident and self-possessed
203
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:51,343
at 13 than I ever was.
204
00:07:51,344 --> 00:07:52,639
I mean, seeing your whole life
205
00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:56,209
all laid out like this, it's...
206
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:57,349
it's remarkable.
207
00:07:57,350 --> 00:07:59,979
Okay, so you still love me.
208
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:02,659
You're still horny for
me, blah, blah, blah.
209
00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,150
Then what's wrong?
210
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:05,902
I'm not good enough for you.
211
00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:07,569
I mean, look at my file.
212
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:10,139
It is 1/10 as long as yours
213
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:11,979
because I did nothing with my life.
214
00:08:11,980 --> 00:08:14,859
Yeah, we're very different,
but we already knew that.
215
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:16,299
Why are you freaking out?
216
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,399
You're cool, confident
Chidi now, remember?
217
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,739
I am confident about
my feelings for you.
218
00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:24,439
I am also confident
that I am a damn drip,
219
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,881
and you deserve to be
with someone who's not.
220
00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:30,051
Like Nicolas, that fireman
that you dated back in 2009.
221
00:08:30,052 --> 00:08:31,879
He rescued people from
burning buildings,
222
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:33,679
and he was so hot.
223
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,919
Oh, Nicolas the fireman.
224
00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:40,219
Mmm. Nicolas.
225
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,379
I can't argue with you
on that one, but...
226
00:08:42,380 --> 00:08:44,815
I love you.
227
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,526
There is no one else
I want to be with...
228
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,139
at least not forever.
229
00:08:49,140 --> 00:08:51,769
I mean, if Frida Kahlo wants
to make out with me in Heaven,
230
00:08:51,770 --> 00:08:53,329
then you and I are gonna
have a conversation,
231
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:56,619
but if you read my file and you're good,
232
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:57,950
then we're good,
233
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,499
unless there's something in your file
234
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,509
that would freak me out,
235
00:09:00,510 --> 00:09:02,779
like you kept out a library
book past the due date.
236
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:04,329
I moved,
237
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:05,659
and it got buried in
the bottom of a box.
238
00:09:05,660 --> 00:09:07,279
I put the library in my
will to make up for it.
239
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,540
No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
240
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,134
Relax. Let's get back to work.
241
00:09:13,595 --> 00:09:15,799
Now, when I press this lever,
242
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,799
Tahani will enter the scenario
that Megan has designed
243
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,354
that will test her
ethical decision-making.
244
00:09:22,355 --> 00:09:24,359
Obviously, in the real test,
245
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,065
the humans won't know
they're being tested,
246
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,609
but this should be a good practice run.
247
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:30,028
Everyone ready?
248
00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:35,533
Hors d'oeuvre?
249
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:37,579
Why, yes. Thank you.
250
00:09:37,580 --> 00:09:39,579
Chain saw bear!
251
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:43,950
Okay, so couple of things.
252
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:47,337
We're not using chain saw
bears anymore, remember?
253
00:09:47,338 --> 00:09:50,209
Right. Okay, yeah. What else?
254
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:53,560
It was mainly that one thing.
Why don't you try again?
255
00:09:53,570 --> 00:09:57,219
And remember, the challenges
your test subject faces
256
00:09:57,220 --> 00:10:00,039
should smaller and...
and more relatable.
257
00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,185
Okay.
258
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,853
Hors d'oeuvre? It's salmon crudités.
259
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:06,160
Is it farm-raised salmon?
260
00:10:06,170 --> 00:10:08,359
'Cause I prefer to support
sustainable fishing.
261
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:11,079
Mondays. Am I right?
262
00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,140
Chain saw!
263
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,239
You said smaller and more relatable.
264
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,689
The bear is smaller,
265
00:10:16,690 --> 00:10:18,819
humans hate Mondays and love bacon.
266
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,327
What do you want from me?
267
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,496
Michael, can I try?
268
00:10:22,497 --> 00:10:23,914
I can show them what
you're trying to do.
269
00:10:23,915 --> 00:10:26,329
Fine, Vicky. Go ahead.
270
00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:29,879
Now, first, I need to get
into Tahani's headspace.
271
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,739
'Ello, love.
272
00:10:31,740 --> 00:10:33,799
Pish-posh. Tuna and pickles.
273
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:38,139
I once played billiards with
Questlove and Olivia Munn.
274
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:39,539
Yeah, there she is.
275
00:10:39,540 --> 00:10:41,933
Okay, just give me a second.
276
00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,309
Whew.
277
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:46,549
Just finished reading up
about James Buchanan.
278
00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:49,599
Definitely at least a little bi.
279
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,775
I'm gonna put him in the maybe pile.
280
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:53,527
I want nachos.
281
00:10:53,528 --> 00:10:55,210
Is there a snack bar here?
282
00:10:56,380 --> 00:10:57,582
What's going on, dog?
283
00:10:57,583 --> 00:10:59,239
I know you're upset. You have a tell.
284
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:00,739
- I do?
- Yeah,
285
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,779
you "telled" Eleanor before
that you were upset,
286
00:11:02,780 --> 00:11:04,240
and I think you still are.
287
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,079
Looking at Eleanor's life
288
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,830
made me realize how different we are.
289
00:11:07,834 --> 00:11:10,969
If the system works and
we both pass our tests,
290
00:11:10,970 --> 00:11:13,619
I don't see any version of eternity
291
00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:15,039
where she doesn't get bored of me.
292
00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:17,849
I mean, my fake heaven was
a 600-square-foot apartment
293
00:11:17,850 --> 00:11:20,349
that was essentially a
bookcase and a toilet,
294
00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:21,919
and I loved it.
295
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:25,019
So what? It's cool that you
guys are so different.
296
00:11:25,020 --> 00:11:27,419
Sometimes two people who
have nothing in common
297
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:29,480
get together, and it rules.
298
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:31,599
- Opposites attract.
- Well, you need that to be true
299
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,239
because you're dating Janet.
300
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,778
Ultimate opposites.
301
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:38,429
So, what, are you saying
302
00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:39,979
Janet might get bored of me?
303
00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:42,701
No, that's not... I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean...
304
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,439
Man... Oh, no.
305
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,998
No, Jason, come back. I...
306
00:11:48,917 --> 00:11:52,049
I wish I were back in my toilet library.
307
00:11:52,050 --> 00:11:54,579
And places.
308
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,879
And... action.
309
00:11:59,130 --> 00:12:02,972
Can you believe we're still
having this dinner for Kamilah?
310
00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:04,359
So embarrassing.
311
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,799
She doesn't know this yet,
but I heard that the reviews
312
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,849
for her new album are
going to be dreadful.
313
00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:11,199
The rumor is that the label
is going to drop her.
314
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,549
I heard she may have to fly home coach
315
00:12:13,550 --> 00:12:16,149
and check a bag, whatever that means.
316
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,480
Thank you, everyone,
317
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:21,490
for coming to celebrate
our daughter Kamilah.
318
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:24,118
I know you're all very busy these days.
319
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:25,909
Just look at our other daughter, Tahani.
320
00:12:25,910 --> 00:12:27,872
She had to come straight from the gym.
321
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:31,139
Would anyone like to say
a few words of praise
322
00:12:31,140 --> 00:12:35,337
about Kamilah's latest album or
any other aspect of Kamilah?
323
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:37,589
There are so many to celebrate.
324
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,466
Perhaps Tahani should speak.
325
00:12:39,467 --> 00:12:41,385
She's had her share
of failures recently.
326
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,096
Celebrating me could be therapeutic.
327
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,767
Certainly. I can say something.
328
00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:50,800
But I have no idea what.
329
00:12:52,060 --> 00:12:53,939
Goodness, this is hard.
330
00:12:56,020 --> 00:12:57,479
Well done, Vicky.
331
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,139
That was quite good... for the system.
332
00:12:59,140 --> 00:13:00,599
For me, it was rather traumatic.
333
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,289
Okay, so, like, her parents
were the chain saw bear,
334
00:13:03,290 --> 00:13:05,039
but instead of chopping off her head,
335
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:06,979
they chopped off her self-esteem?
336
00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:08,979
Yes, Megan. Good.
337
00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:10,497
Take what you know about them
338
00:13:10,498 --> 00:13:13,042
and then force them into moments
of personal difficulty.
339
00:13:13,043 --> 00:13:17,129
Think of it as flattening
the penises of their heart.
340
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,099
Oh. Now it makes sense.
341
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:21,099
Why don't you go deeper into her file
342
00:13:21,100 --> 00:13:23,092
and look for other
ways to challenge her?
343
00:13:23,093 --> 00:13:25,560
All right, whoa, whoa, whoa,
slow down, slow down here.
344
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:27,973
Vicky's example was fine.
345
00:13:27,974 --> 00:13:30,059
There was some good stuff there.
346
00:13:30,060 --> 00:13:34,059
But overall, uh, C-plus.
It was a C-plus, I'd say.
347
00:13:34,060 --> 00:13:36,619
There are some problems with
it, some technical issues
348
00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,199
that only I can see and everything.
349
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,959
So, basically,
it actually kind of stunk.
350
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:43,439
So I think it's just best
if you leave, Vicky.
351
00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,359
This is not working. You're bad at this.
352
00:13:45,360 --> 00:13:47,119
C-plus. Okay, good-bye.
353
00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,239
Wow. Same old Michael.
354
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,910
Just can't share the spotlight.
355
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,498
- Hmm.
- Well, good-bye, everyone.
356
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,250
That's a wrap on Vicky.
357
00:13:58,755 --> 00:14:00,964
Michael, why did you fire Vicky?
358
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:04,079
Look, I know she did
well on the first test,
359
00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:05,449
but it's beginner's luck.
360
00:14:05,450 --> 00:14:07,949
There's an X factor here...
361
00:14:07,950 --> 00:14:10,579
a secret sauce that only I truly know
362
00:14:10,580 --> 00:14:12,559
how to pour over
363
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:15,854
the... the juicy s-steak
of this process.
364
00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:18,190
I've never said this
before, but... what?
365
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,019
Not only is Vicky good at test design,
366
00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:21,379
but she's good at teaching the others.
367
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:23,619
Well, that's the problem.
She's moving too fast.
368
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:25,419
We have to learn how to
walk before we can run.
369
00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:26,769
So, first, you thought
it would take forever,
370
00:14:26,770 --> 00:14:28,209
and now it's moving too fast?
371
00:14:28,210 --> 00:14:30,536
First of all, you know, uh, shut up.
372
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:32,663
A-and second of all, just shut up.
373
00:14:32,664 --> 00:14:34,957
It's obvious what's going on here.
374
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:36,779
You don't want your nemesis
375
00:14:36,780 --> 00:14:39,334
- to be the one to solve your problem.
- I know that feeling.
376
00:14:39,335 --> 00:14:40,963
Once, on Earth, I didn't know something,
377
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:43,089
and I had to ask Alexa.
378
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,134
I felt dirty.
379
00:14:45,460 --> 00:14:47,386
No, that's not it.
380
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:52,539
I'm upset, because for
hundreds of years,
381
00:14:52,540 --> 00:14:54,017
I've had a job.
382
00:14:54,018 --> 00:14:57,299
First, it was finding a
better way to torture humans,
383
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,509
then helping them,
384
00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:01,069
then proving the system was broken,
385
00:15:01,070 --> 00:15:02,809
then teaching the demons.
386
00:15:02,810 --> 00:15:07,072
I have to roll a rock up
a hill over and over,
387
00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:10,076
and then it kept rolling down,
so I had to do it again.
388
00:15:10,077 --> 00:15:13,199
And then Vicky comes along with this...
389
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,819
like, rock-lifter thing
390
00:15:15,820 --> 00:15:18,459
and just lifts it to
the top of the hill.
391
00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:21,753
Pushing the rock up the
hill gave me a purpose.
392
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:24,219
Who am I...
393
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:26,379
if the rock's gone?
394
00:15:26,380 --> 00:15:29,799
Ironically, that's exactly
what Vin Diesel asked me
395
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,599
when Dwayne Johnson refused to appear in
396
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,266
"The Fast and the Furious 9."
397
00:15:34,170 --> 00:15:35,859
Not helpful?
398
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:37,179
Copy that.
399
00:15:37,180 --> 00:15:38,739
Honestly...
400
00:15:38,740 --> 00:15:40,815
Michael, I don't know
what's to become of you...
401
00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:42,179
or any of us.
402
00:15:42,180 --> 00:15:44,019
But getting Vicky back
403
00:15:44,020 --> 00:15:45,903
is the best chance to
make your plan work now,
404
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:47,399
so focus on that
405
00:15:47,400 --> 00:15:49,824
and deal with the future in the future.
406
00:15:51,240 --> 00:15:52,899
Hey.
407
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:55,359
Um...
408
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:58,839
I'm sorry I said that before, man.
409
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:01,126
No, you were right.
410
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:05,549
Janet and I are different.
Maybe it can't last.
411
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:08,133
Maybe we're like the
Montagues and Capulets.
412
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,259
How do you know that?
413
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,509
I read some books, man.
414
00:16:11,510 --> 00:16:12,596
Jeez.
415
00:16:12,597 --> 00:16:15,319
Uh, listen.
416
00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:18,399
Maybe on paper, you and Janet
don't make total sense,
417
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:19,600
but who cares?
418
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:23,059
The relationship you have
built together is wonderful.
419
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,559
She knows you and loves you,
and that's all that matters.
420
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:29,571
- Do you really believe that?
- Of course I do.
421
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,860
Sucker!
422
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:33,989
Sorry?
423
00:16:33,990 --> 00:16:35,479
I got you so bad.
424
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,369
Dude, pretend what you just said
425
00:16:37,370 --> 00:16:39,495
was what you said to
you instead of to me.
426
00:16:39,496 --> 00:16:41,199
And you have to listen to yourself,
427
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,199
because it was already in your own head
428
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:45,849
and then came out. But just
put it back in your head,
429
00:16:45,850 --> 00:16:50,801
and realize that it was you
talking about you and Eleanor.
430
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:54,589
Against all odds, I know what you mean,
431
00:16:54,590 --> 00:16:56,889
and I-I got to give it up.
432
00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:58,819
That was... that was good.
433
00:16:58,820 --> 00:17:00,139
Yeah, it was.
434
00:17:00,140 --> 00:17:02,059
Chess mate.
435
00:17:07,430 --> 00:17:08,569
Hey!
436
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,029
There she is.
437
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:11,579
Where you off to?
438
00:17:11,580 --> 00:17:14,408
I have an ice-cold yoga class.
439
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:16,574
It's amazing. You pull so many muscles.
440
00:17:16,575 --> 00:17:18,746
What do you want?
441
00:17:18,747 --> 00:17:22,082
I-I'm sorry that I kicked you out.
442
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:23,579
I-It wasn't about you.
443
00:17:23,580 --> 00:17:27,449
It was just my own insecurities
getting in the way.
444
00:17:27,450 --> 00:17:28,964
Will you please come back?
445
00:17:28,965 --> 00:17:30,841
No.
446
00:17:30,842 --> 00:17:33,629
I'm not gonna let myself
be degraded by you again.
447
00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:36,429
I am a strong, independent acid snake
448
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:39,349
in the skin suit of a
strong, independent woman.
449
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:42,394
Listen, listen, uh...
450
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:45,022
You were the best part of
my original Neighborhood.
451
00:17:45,023 --> 00:17:47,559
I took you for granted,
and that was wrong.
452
00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:51,399
But now I want to give you
the role of a lifetime.
453
00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:54,979
You're going to run the whole project.
454
00:17:54,980 --> 00:17:57,499
I'll give you all my plans and my notes,
455
00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,287
but then I'll... I'll step back,
and... and you'll take over.
456
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:03,119
Full creative control...
457
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:04,319
like a director.
458
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,659
What do you say?
459
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,689
Well, um...
460
00:18:07,690 --> 00:18:09,829
that sounds great, but it won't work.
461
00:18:09,830 --> 00:18:11,659
Everyone here hates you so much,
462
00:18:11,660 --> 00:18:14,509
if you just put me in control,
they'll think I'm your puppet.
463
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,639
I can't have any of your
dingleberry stank on me.
464
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,739
I know.
465
00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:20,999
That's why I'm not giving it to you.
466
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:22,685
You're going to take it.
467
00:18:24,062 --> 00:18:25,309
Hey.
468
00:18:25,310 --> 00:18:28,219
So, uh... I was being stupid.
469
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:32,039
And Jason gave me some
really good advice.
470
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,439
Classic us.
471
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,319
Look, who we were on Earth
472
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,129
is a tiny part of who we are
473
00:18:39,130 --> 00:18:42,205
and an even smaller part
of who we are together.
474
00:18:42,206 --> 00:18:44,259
So I'm sorry for freaking out.
475
00:18:44,260 --> 00:18:47,029
But also, some day when
we get to the Good Place,
476
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:48,349
I'm gonna learn to play the guitar
477
00:18:48,350 --> 00:18:50,004
so you don't get bored of me.
478
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:52,089
I actually prefer drummers.
479
00:18:52,090 --> 00:18:54,360
Read my file.
480
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:57,419
Sorry for the delay.
481
00:18:57,420 --> 00:18:59,719
Now, for this next phase
of the training...
482
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,639
- Stop right there.
- Vicky?
483
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,219
I thought I got rid of you,
484
00:19:03,220 --> 00:19:06,311
and now you're coming through
the door unexpectedly?
485
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,647
That's right. I'm launching a coup.
486
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:12,275
My, my, my, we've got
some history, don't we?
487
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:14,729
But I am still standing, Mikey boy.
488
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:16,899
And right now I'm taking over.
489
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:20,139
Explain what you mean for
me and everyone else.
490
00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:22,452
Oh, this is my training
now. You're done.
491
00:19:22,453 --> 00:19:24,739
And all of these demons are
behind me, right, guys?
492
00:19:24,740 --> 00:19:25,749
- Yep.
- Yeah.
493
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,959
All right, Vicky, you win...
494
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,126
this time.
495
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,877
- Tahani, Janet, let's go.
- Hmm.
496
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:33,713
No, but wait, wait.
We're... we're still fighting.
497
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:37,468
And it's so heated that, um,
it might just erupt into...
498
00:19:38,540 --> 00:19:40,555
The dance battle from "West Side Story."
499
00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:43,779
No, I'm... I'm too upset
about the coup thing.
500
00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:46,768
Hurry up, hurry up,
before she starts singing.
501
00:19:46,769 --> 00:19:47,829
_
502
00:19:47,830 --> 00:19:49,639
Welcome. Welcome, everyone.
503
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,649
Come on in.
504
00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:52,739
Good Place Architects to my left,
505
00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:54,692
Bad place Architects to my right.
506
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:56,849
Get your files and orientation packets.
507
00:19:56,850 --> 00:19:59,532
Classes begin in 30 minutes.
508
00:20:02,220 --> 00:20:05,399
Oh, also, my "Movement
for Lava Monsters" class
509
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:06,659
is now full.
510
00:20:06,660 --> 00:20:08,619
Aw, man.
511
00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:10,789
You got the rock up the hill.
512
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:13,199
And it looks like it's gonna stay there.
513
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,080
Now we just have to find your next rock.
514
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,619
Well, the first bunch of Neighborhoods
515
00:20:17,620 --> 00:20:18,629
is up and running.
516
00:20:18,630 --> 00:20:20,342
What now?
517
00:20:20,343 --> 00:20:23,013
That's the sound when someone
gets into the Good Place.
518
00:20:23,014 --> 00:20:25,432
Who was it? Prince?
It's got to be Prince.
519
00:20:25,433 --> 00:20:26,759
Honestly, if it wasn't Prince,
520
00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:28,639
this whole thing is screwed
up, and we got to start over.
521
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,519
No.
522
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:31,809
It's you guys.
523
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:33,809
For real?
524
00:20:33,810 --> 00:20:35,579
The Judge agreed that the four of you
525
00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:37,160
don't need to take the test.
526
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:39,989
Turns out that saving every soul
527
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:42,657
in the universe is worth a few points.
528
00:20:42,658 --> 00:20:43,669
You're in.
529
00:20:52,570 --> 00:20:55,199
I know, I know. It's real this time.
530
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:56,422
I promise.
531
00:20:58,180 --> 00:21:00,019
Get in.
532
00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:01,219
Are you coming, too?
533
00:21:01,220 --> 00:21:03,509
Yeah, I figured I would.
534
00:21:03,510 --> 00:21:04,999
Recently unemployed.
535
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,909
Might as well do some traveling.
536
00:21:06,910 --> 00:21:08,040
Shall we?
537
00:21:13,020 --> 00:21:14,189
Oh.
538
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,060
- See ya.
- Bye.
539
00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:20,399
Foles!
540
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:24,408
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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