All language subtitles for The Wild Wild West - 02x18 - The Night of the Gypsy Peril.Unspecified.English.updated.Addic7ed.com

Mr. West,

Mr. Gordon,

please follow me.

I wonder what
it would cost

to furnish
our place like that.

Artie, it's not the cost.
It's the upkeep.

Gentlemen, his most
exquisite highness,

the ruler of the sun
and the moon,

the Sultan of Ramapur.

Mr. West,

Mr. Gordon.

Your Highness, we welcome
you to the United States

on behalf of our government,

and we bring you the good wishes
of our president,

who awaits your visit
to Washington.

Thank you.

You gentlemen have met
my chief minister, Gombal,

bearer of the state seal
of Ramapur,

guardian of the sacred
personage of the sultan

and scourge
of our traitorous enemies.

Our, uh, our good wishes

extend to all of your
royal party, Your Highness.

I understand it is a long

and perhaps hazardous journey
to Washington.

Is this true?

It is long,
Your Highness,

but we'll do
our best to ensure

that it is safe
and pleasant.

The sultan is safe
as long as Gombal lives.

Uh, what if something
should happen to Gombal?

Well, in that case...

Oh, gee,
an all-girl army.

Uh, very impressive,

but, uh, how's their aim?

The last intruder
into the royal palace

had 14 bullets
removed from his body.

The laughable part was he was
only a harmless messenger.

You're not laughing.

Oh. Ha-ha.

Only because I was thinking
about what effect your troops

might have on our troops
when we get to Washington.

Yes, you see,
especially since our troops

might just want
to fraternize

with your, uh...troops.

Yes, I see what you mean.

Very well. I will travel alone
with you to Washington,

but one thing
must be understood.

Uh, yes, Your Highness?

That you guarantee
the safety

of the priceless gift
I bring your president,

a gift symbolic
of international friendship.

Oh, I believe we can
guarantee that.

Don't speak too hastily,

for the treasure I bring
is beyond all price.

It involves our national honor,

and it must be guarded
with your very lives.

Yes. Wonderful,
Your Highness.

Could you perhaps
give us some idea

as to just what
it is we're guarding?

Behold Akbar,
10th in the royal line

of the sacred white elephants
of Ramapur.

N-now wait a minute.
No stealing.

Akbar, you're not
getting the idea at all.

You cannot get to this.

Now- Now just-
Just watch me.

Will you please watch me?

All right, we toss it
up in the air...

and catch it
in the mouth.

That's the whole trick.

All right, here we go.

All right, no stealing,
I told you.

Here we go.

Oh.

You know,
you're lucky you're sacred,

'cause you've got
no talent at all.

Dinner time.

Oh, welcomer words
were never spoken.

It's not for you, Artie.
It's for Akbar.

Oh.

Is Akbar standing
the trip well,

do you think?

A good deal better
than I am, Your Highness.

Uh, listen, Jim,
since you're spelling me anyway

and I'm starving, do you mind
if I get into the galley

and make myself
a little soufflé or something?

Your Highness.

Mr. West,
am I imagining it,

or is the train
slowing down?

Uh, it's standard procedure
for a train to reduce speed

when going through a canyon.

Oh, there's danger?

No, nothing serious.
This is a slide area,

and occasionally, there's a rock
on the track, that's all.

We're all set.
The tracks are all blocked.

Okay, you got your orders.
Let's go.

Hyah!

I'm amazed
at the extreme ruggedness

of your countryside.

Oh, this is some
of the roughest part.

It'll level off soon, sir.

What's happening?

Probably just
a rock slide.

There's nothing
to be concerned about.

No, no, no. No shooting.
You may injure Akbar.

That's good advice, fatty.

Now tell our friend here
to drop his gun,

and nobody'll get hurt.

Please. Please,
don't kill me.

I have money.

Now, there's a coincidence
for you.

Hand it over.

All right,
the jewels too,

unless you want to lose
a set of matching fingers.

Go see how the boys
in the other room are doing.

Come on, hurry up.

Hey, look at- Look at-

Get going.
Yeah, yeah, but-

Get going!

Okay, friend...

Hand yours over,

and don't be too long
in delivering it.

Hold it.

That's it.
Now just straighten up easy.

You've just earned yourself
a working over, friend.

Hey. Well, well,
what have we got here?

That's what I was
trying to tell you.

Shut up. I'm asking
the questions. What is it?

It's a big dog
with a long nose.

Oh, is that so?

Well,
from the color of it,

I'd have thought it was one
of those hairless polar bears.

Hey, you know what?

I often wondered what an
elephant steak would taste like.

No, no! In the name
of all that's holy-

Whoo-hoo.

Heh, heh. Next one's gonna be
right between your eyes, friend.

Now get over here
and drag this elephant out.

Why?

'Cause we're taking
him with us,

because elephants
are worth money,

lots of it.

Come on, little doggie.

All right, now you just stay
right where you are, friend,

until we're long gone.

Anybody fires one shot,
and I'll kill that elephant.

You'll be all right,
Your Highness.

How is he?

He's out cold, Artie,

but he's gonna be
all right.

Two of them jumped me before
I even had a chance-

Where's Akbar?

I'm going after him
right now.

Oh, you are, huh?

That's right.

Which leaves me,
of course,

to handle the really dirty end
of the job, doesn't it?

What are you
talking about?

Facing his chubby highness
when he comes to.

Old friend, I can tell you
just one thing:

I'm so very, very glad
it's you and not me.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm sure.

Here you go, Luke.
There's your share.

Marty.

Here you go, Bear.

Here's your cut, kid.

Well, uh, uh, this amount ain't
much for the risk we took.

What about them
rings and jewels,

and stuff you took off
that fat guy with the robe?

Well, you'll get your share,
kid,

as soon as we
sell the stuff...

unless you got other ideas.

No, I- I guess not.

W-what about that elephant?

H-how we gonna collect
on that, huh?

Well, you let me worry
about that too, huh?

I'll collect the ransom
and plenty of it.

Meantime,
you get rid of it.

You mean, kill it?

We can't do that.

Well, you know, Hillard,
sometimes I got a feeling

you belong behind
a ribbon counter.

What I mean is,
how are we going to collect

any ransom on that thing
if we kill it now?

Well, you got a lot
to learn about kidnapping,

little fuzzy friend.

They pay
the ransom money first,

and by the time
they find out

they've paid out for
a dead corpse, who cares?

Yeah, well,
I still don't like it.

Now how do you feel
about it?

I like it, I like it.
Honest, I do.

I like it.

Okay, now get over there
and take care of it,

and make sure
you don't miss.

Come on,
you little troublemaker.

Come on.

$1 million?

That is what I said.
$1 million American.

For a baby elephant?

Your highness,
that's more than $1,000 a pound.

You can't buy sacred white
elephants by the pound,

not even at any price.

One million dollars is
a ridiculously small sum

to demand for damages.

It is what my ministers
have decided,

so send that telegram
to your president.

"The sum of $1 million in cash

from the United States
government to ensure the safe-"

"The safety of American
citizens in Ramapur."

What are a few
mere citizens?

Not even an ambassador
and his family

compare to a sacred
white elephant.

Send the telegram.

That's from President Grant.

"Take all possible steps...

"to calm sultan...

"and recover elephant.

"Above all, remain firm

"on question...

"of...damage payments.

"Our government
must not be threatened...

with extortion."

Extortion?

He calls our just claim
for damages extortion?

He insults my ministers.

Oh, no, no, no. Your Highness,
you misunderstand our position.

You misunderstand
my position.

Take a wire to
my chief minister Gombal

in San Francisco.

Your Highness,

may I suggest
that you think twice,

maybe even thrice,
before doing anything hasty?

Say to him that
I'm returning at once

to San Francisco

to sail for Ramapur.

The official visit
to Washington is canceled.

Your Highness-

Prepare to break off
diplomatic relations

and seize all Americans
in Ramapur as hostages.

Okay, boys,

ante up
the three-toed Pete.

Well, look who's here.
Elephant boy,

looking for his pet.

And in addition to the damages

that your government will pay,

I am demanding an abject apology

to be publicly-

You're not even
listening to me.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
Your Highness,

I'm hanging on every word.

Are you
going somewhere?

Yes.

As a matter of fact,
I have a feeling

that, uh, Jim may be
in a little difficulty.

I'd like to make myself
available to him.

Preposterous.
You're not even armed.

Oh, yes, I am.

Firecrackers?

Well, that's just
a lot of noise.

That's right,
Your Highness,

but you'd be amazed
what you can accomplish

with the right kind.

Let me get
your measurements.

You know, there ain't enough
dirt here to bury a rat.

Looks like you win
another reprieve.

Don't thank me.
It wasn't my fault.

Always.

Here, you take this one.

Very good boy.

Hey. Ha, ha.

Oh, we have one
that is hungry.

Ah-ha. Ha, ha, ha.

Hello.

You are looking for me?
No.

I came to see how
the animals are doing.

My queen...

...the circus is going bad.

Let us get away from here,
run away together.

Things are not
that bad yet.

Besides, the circus
is my responsibility.

Mikolik, what we need
is a new attraction.

Something unusual,
something big.

Ah-ha.

What is it?

I think
I'm getting psychic.

Oh, gypsies are supposed
to be psychic.

I know, I know,
but I think I really am.

Go find something
to wrestle, darling.

Hello, cowboy.

You scared me.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

And of course, you are looking
for a place to camp.

May I offer you
the hospitality of our fire?

We are
the Zagora Family Circus,

renowned in Europe
and now making

a triumphant tour
of your American West.

Oh, well, I, uh...

I better be riding on, ma'am.

My, what wonderful
eccentrics

you Americans are.

Now, who would have
dreamed that a cowboy

would be leading
an elephant

instead of a...

Ahh...

Ha, ha, ha.

I know what you want.

What are you getting at?

You have been hearing stories

about what easy marks
we gypsies are,

so now you think
you can get me

to buy this elephant
for a very big price, huh?

Oh, it might be, miss.

Call me Zoe.

And not a penny more
than $500.

Five hundred dollars?

All right, all right.
$750,

and I'll throw
in a free fortune.

Come on.

I feel the spirits
very strongly.

They are calling.

They have a message
for you.

Me? Huh.

You sure?

I'm positive.

Now you must help me.

Look into the crystal
very deeply.

Concentrate.

I don't see nothin'.

Concentrate.

Ahh.

The spirits
are getting closer.

Ah-ha.

Now the spirits
are close at hand.

Soon the future
will be revealed to you.

It's getting awful bright.

Concentrate.

I see...

I see that you have recently
had a most, uh...

unusual experience.

You're right, yeah. You could
say that all right, yeah.

And in the future,
I see...

Ah-ha, perhaps
in the very near future

for you there
is a great surprise.

What is it?

You are going to lose
a very large,

very valuable object.

Mikolik,
where is the elephant?

He is already
in the animal wagon.

Good. Drag this fool
out of here,

put him on his horse,
and get him on his way.

Ah, that's real clever.

Okay, on your feet,

and you keep
your hands up.

Next you're going to tell me
to drop the knife, right?

Oh, you're a mind reader too,
huh?

If you had a mind to read.

Drop it.

That's real cute.
You got any more tricks?

Luke. Marty.

See who that is
coming down the trail.

If that's somebody you brought
down here with that signal,

you're not gonna live long
enough to say hello to them.

Keep your guns on him.

Whoa. Whoa.

Hey, Scullen,
who shot off that flare?

I did.

I thought you might
need some help

to find your way home.
Oh, okay.

What did you do
with the elephant?

Pow, pow, pow.

Are you sure?

Do you think I got it in my
back pocket or something, huh?

I never heard
any gunshots.

I guess the wind was blowing
the wrong way or something.

All right, hold your fire, boys,

until I tell you different.

All right,
drop those guns fast.

You're surrounded.

I said hold your fire.

All right,
what's it gonna be?

You gonna drop it?

All right, uh,
all of you now move over here

and keep your hands up
where I can keep my eye on you.

Those aren't shots.
They're firecrackers.

How'd you like
my coyote?

That was a coyote?

I had three
answering calls

from females
proposing marriage.

Where's Akbar?

Ask him. He's an authority
on the subject.

You heard
what I told Scullen.

Pow, pow, pow, pow.

Last time I heard the routine,
there were only three "pows."

Hey.
I've had enough of this.

It wasn't my idea.
Scullen gave the orders.

Well, Scullen took off.
He can't hurt you now.

Admit you didn't kill
that elephant.

All right.

You might as well know.
The elephant ain't dead.

Where is it?

I, uh...

I lost it.

You lost an elephant?

That takes talent.

You see,
it was like this:

Uh, I met up
with this gypsy queen,

and she had this
little crystal ball and...

Looking for something?

Oh, I-I thought I could
have my fortune told here.

Of course.

For you, I would say the future
is very, very short.

You wouldn't shoot anyone
with that cannon, would you?

Only one thing
holds me back.

There is nothing
more irritable

than a band of gypsies wakened
out of a sound sleep.

Oh, well- Well,
that's simple.

If you'll drop the gun,

I'll leave very, very quietly.

First you'll tell me

why you were snooping
around the camp.

Gypsies are very sensitive
about their privacy.

Speak up.

I don't want to shoot
a handsome thief.

Thank you. Well, you see,
it was like this:

I am, uh,
trying to evade the law,

and I thought maybe
I could join your circus,

and sort of blend
in with the scenery.

I like your spirit,

but unfortunately,
we have no job openings.

We're a very small outfit.

If we were any smaller,
we'd be a flea circus.

Well, I, uh-
could you use an acrobat?

I can do a few simple stunts.

Oh, yeah?

Show me a free sample.

Not bad.

What's your name?
Jim.

The last name varies.

Jim.

What a great name
for a gypsy.

Oh, it could be changed.

Do you think you can
get me an audition

with the headman now?

Uh-huh.

I'm the headman.

Well, that's a-
That's a great disguise.

What's your name? Ralph?

I am Zoe Zagora,

queen of the Zagora
gypsy circus,

sorceress, seeress,

infallible reader of cards
and tea leaves,

and bail bond expert.

Your highness.

I'm Gregorio the Great,

the king of the trapeze,

and peanut vendor.

Ha, ha, ha.

You know, Jim,

I think you might fit
right in here with us,

but there's one problem.

Gypsy men
are extremely jealous,

especially of outsiders.

Well,
I can take care of myself.

Is my fortune improving?

I don't know.

You just fogged up
my crystal ball.

Hold, hold.

That's a nice-looking
elephant.

Hey, trunk. Trunk.

That's kind of an unusual
shade of gray, isn't it?

All elephants are gray.

Listen, Gregorio,
or whatever your name is,

you may be able
to fool Queen Zoe,

but you don't fool me.

You are up to no good here.

Animals like me.

But I don't.

And neither do any
of the other men in this camp.

I think you're exaggerating.

Am I?

Am I exaggerating?

Uh, it's, uh- It's not
necessary to answer, fellas.

Gregorio
has challenged me,

the gypsy dance of death.

You insist.

I accept.

I give you

one final chance
to leave us.

Everyone will know
you are a coward,

but at least you will
have saved your life.

Whenever I go
to the theater,

I like to stay
for a full performance.

I naturally want to know
how it ends.

It ends with a knife.

The knife.

Isn't there some
alternate ending to this?

Why would you show me mercy?

Well, because you're
too valuable to the circus.

You are right.

I yield.

It's a tie.

Tie.

Did I hear
somebody say ties?

I have hundreds of ties,
my good friends.

Ties of every kind and-

No grabbing
at the merchandise, please.

Everybody gets
his opportunity.

I have ties,
and I have dolls.

Antumo your peddling man

here to serve you
with joy and gladness.

You are about to witness
what is undoubtedly

the greatest emporium
known to man.

Ladies and gentlemen...

♪ I have ties to sell ♪

Each one a tribute
to the weaver's art.

A glory of veritable
texture and pattern,

designed to make
something noble

of the ignominious area
of a gentleman's neck.

How are you fixed
for precious jewels?

You say you want
precious jewels?

My good man, good fortune
has smiled on you this day

beyond your wildest dreams.

I happen to be the world's
greatest purveyor

of the rarest
and most genuine

imitation precious jewels

since the death of Tutankhamen

of ancient Egypt.

Behold...

the rubies of Rajnapoor,

the diamonds
of Daikir Bejun.

The pearls plucked
from the sea-swept tombs

of Jahawaral
in ancient Siam.

No comments from any
of the dissatisfied customers.

All of these available
to you, my friends, today,

for a pitiful,
pitiful handful of pennies.

Get away from me
with that nickel, boy.

A pitiful handful
of pennies...

if purchased by the dozen.

Twelve for the price of $1 even,
my lucky friends,

a price designed to make
the heart leap for joy.

What's the news
from Washington?

Oh, that it's all bad.

The sultan was as good
as his word.

He's ordered the Americans
in Ramapur seized as hostages.

Then he means business.

Yep.
He's issued an ultimatum.

Either he gets
his sacred elephant back,

or a million dollars
in cash.

Or?

Or he sails back
to Ramapur,

and gives orders for
the Americans there to die,

including the ambassador
and his family.

The gypsies have Akbar.

They painted him gray.

Well, white is a little
conspicuous for an elephant.

Yeah.

Why haven't you
taken Akbar back?

Because I can't
run very fast

carrying an elephant
on my back.

you know, we could, uh,

order out the cavalry
and retake Akbar

like Bunker Hill.

That would mean
a lot of senseless killing.

I still haven't figured out
how the gypsies got Akbar.

One thing for sure,

they're not going
to give him up.

He means a lot
to their circus.

All right.

Oh, by the way,

how are you getting along
with the gypsies?

Oh, fine.
I'm learning a lot.

Here's your wallet,

and here's your watch.

See you later, Artie.

I'll bet
that's the last cigar

he ever accepts from me.

Come on, Akbar.
We've got to get out of here.

Come on.

Where are you going
with the elephant?

Elephant?
What elephant?

Oh, th-that elephant.

Uh, well,

I happened to be walking
through the woods, and I-I-

Never mind,
because now you will die.

Why do we not
kill them now?

No.

They will die slowly,

by the most horrible
gypsy tortures.

Really?

What torture is that?

I don't know.

I'm still thinking about it.

Zoe,
you must listen to me.

From you, I want to know
only one thing:

How could you prefer
an elephant to me?

I'm a government agent.

I must return that elephant
to the sultan of Ramapur.

Ugh, you're no gypsy.

You don't know
how to lie convincingly.

Believe me,
it's not a lie.

If this is the truth,
why didn't you tell me before?

Because I had to make sure

you weren't part
of the ransom plan.

That train robber said
he made a deal with you.

And you, who are you,
the sultan?

No, I'm another
government agent,

and he's telling you
the truth.

That elephant can cost
a million dollars

or many American lives.

This is so ridiculous,
it has to be the truth.

It's not just
an ordinary elephant.

It's a sacred
white elephant,

and you've
painted him gray.

We did no such thing.

Let us prove it.

If we're lying,

then you can kill us.

I think
that is only fair.

Why do we not
let them try?

Easy now, boy.

This won't hurt a bit.

All you've got to do
is come clean,

and we'll all be home free.

Jim...

I'm getting the most
uncomfortable feeling.

I know
just what you mean.

You think this elephant
might be an imposter?

Nope. This is Akbar,

but he's not painted now.

Yeah, which means
he was painted before.

That finally explains
the meaning of this.

I don't get it.

Remember when Scullen
and that crew

dragged us off the train?

Yeah?

We overlooked
this thing, hmm?

Fabulous.

It must be worth $1.39.

Mm-hmm.

Fake sacred elephant,

fake ruby ring.

It's a set.

Making our sultan
a royal con artist.

Right.

Enough.

Enough of this farce.

Maybe Queen Zoe

is too soft-hearted
to kill them,

but I am not.

And we will do it now.

Let's get 'em.

Look, I did my job
just as I was ordered.

Now I expect
to get paid.

You'll be paid
when I am paid.

When's that going to be?
Oh, very soon now.

I've given
the United States government

until 6:00 tonight
to meet my terms.

I'm sure they'll pay

rather than create
an international incident.

Okay,

but sultan or no sultan,

you better not welsh
on that deal.

For that matter,
how do I know

that you've fulfilled
your part of the bargain?

Because I told you.

That elephant's as dead
as a dried-up herring.

You have proof of this?

What do you want,
an obituary?

Now look, you get off
your overstuffed high horse,

or I'm gonna-

Gombal,
come in here, please.

You have done well.

You called, Excellency?

Mr. Scullen has become
obstreperous and insulting.

I wish to sever

our connection with him.

Down.

Your head on that stool.

Would Your Excellency
like to avert his eyes?

No.

I seem to remember
a nasty blow

I received on the head.

I shall enjoy watching
this time.

Proceed.

Oh, what a country.
Always some interruption.

See what it is, Gombal.

The party's over, sultan.

Hardly, Mr. West.

Beautiful gun,
Your Highness.

It fires a beautiful bullet,
Mr. West.

I'm sure it does.

Ah, but first there's,
uh,

two points
I'd like to make.

Yes?
One:

Mr. Gordon is covering you
with his gun.

Your second point,
Mr. West?

You're under arrest,
Your Highness.

Why is that?

Well, he had emptied
the royal treasury,

his government
was bankrupt,

so he decided to, uh,

get a million dollars
for a phony sacred elephant.

You know, we've really all grown
very fond of Akbar.

But I suppose now
we have to give him up, huh?

Artie and I are supposed
to find a good home for him,

so why don't we just
leave him with you?

Uh,
let me ask you something.

How did he happen
to change color?

Well,
when we first found him,

we had to cross a stream,

and Akbar decided
to take a bath.

Found him?
Of course.

I knew that cowboy couldn't
own a white elephant,

so rather than
embarrass him,

I decided
to help him out.

Oh, you're all heart.
Ha, ha, ha.

Bravo.

Thank you very much.

I'm, uh-
I'm sorry Zoe,

but we have
to leave now.

Oh, I'm so sorry too.

But if ever you
don't like your jobs,

remember that I have
openings here for you, huh?

Oh, thank you.
You're most kind.

Very nice.
Goodbye.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

More wine,
Your Highness?

No, just the sip,
dear friend.

Oh, how well your book
of proverbs says it:

"If thine enemy be hungry,
give him bread to eat.

"If he be thirsty,
give him water to drink.

"So shall thou heap

coals of fire upon his head."

Oh, surely
this piece of jewelry

is in rather bad taste.

Uh, not as far as
our government's concerned.

Specific orders from our state
department, Your Highness.

The Sultan of Ramapur
is to be returned

to Washington under
maximum security conditions.

Oh, what a bore.

And all for what?

To see to it that I am,
uh, deported-

I think the word is-
back to my own country?

Oh, gentlemen, we're all men
of the world, aren't we?

Admittedly, I was indiscreet
in the little incident

of Akbar, but, uh,

surely men of good will

such as we can, uh,

reach an accommodation.

Let me pose
a hypothetical situation.

Supposing you gentlemen
were to absentmindedly unlock

these, uh,
restraining bracelets,

then order the train stopped,

and, uh, just looked the other
way while I stroll off.

What harm would there be?

And, uh,
after you've gone,

we discover these priceless
rings that you've left behind.

It's a pleasure to deal with
such understanding gentlemen.

Then it's agreed, Mr. Gor-

Oh!

Very well, then,

go through with your
ridiculous charade.

What do you imagine
will happen

when I am deported
back to my own country?

I shall be overwhelmed

by the love and happiness
on every side as I seek my-

Well, Mr. Gordon,

you have the look of a man
with a loathsome secret.

This dispatch just
came in over the wires.

"Monarchy in Ramapur
overthrown. Stop.

"Constitutional government
decreed. Stop.

Waiting to try
ex-sultan."

Oh, well.

As you say so well
in your country:

You can't win 'em all,
can you?

Does this mean
that we have-

Arrived in Washington.

So you won't be
needing these any longer.

Mr. West?
Mr. Gordon?

I'm here to take delivery
of the Sultan of Ramapur.

The ex-sultan,
my dearest chap.

Haven't you heard?

Well, gentlemen,
the curtain has run down.

I hope you'll permit me
one final generous gesture.

There is a parting gift
for both of you

behind the curtain.

Adieu. Adieu.

It was a nice gesture,
but I'm afraid the sultan

isn't aware of the fact
that we can't accept gifts.

Well, there's no harm
in at least looking

at the merchandise,
is there?

No.