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1
00:01:10,791 --> 00:01:12,862
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, dear.
2
00:01:12,926 --> 00:01:17,204
- What's for dinner?
- Well, I thought I'd order the fillet of sole.
3
00:01:17,264 --> 00:01:20,006
- Oh, that's right. We're going out to dinner.
- Yeah. Hi, sweetheart.
4
00:01:20,066 --> 00:01:22,740
- Any messages on the answering service?
- Yeah, they're by the phone.
5
00:01:25,572 --> 00:01:28,781
Oh, great. My brother
Gordon's coming to town.
6
00:01:28,842 --> 00:01:31,118
I don't have a brother Gordon.
7
00:01:31,178 --> 00:01:34,125
- That's for Howard.
- Oh.
8
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:37,754
Am I flying a load of prunes
to Topeka tomorrow?
9
00:01:37,818 --> 00:01:39,798
That's for Howard, too.
10
00:01:39,853 --> 00:01:42,561
Great. 'Cause I lost
my pilot's license.
11
00:01:42,622 --> 00:01:46,001
- Hi, Bob. Hi, Emily.
- Hi.
12
00:01:46,059 --> 00:01:48,232
Any messages for me?
13
00:01:48,295 --> 00:01:50,798
- All the messages are for you, Howard.
- Oh, great.
14
00:01:50,864 --> 00:01:54,073
Howard, how come I get your messages
on my answering service?
15
00:01:54,134 --> 00:01:56,740
Because I don't have
an answering service.
16
00:01:56,803 --> 00:01:59,249
Well, what if f didn't
have an answering service?
17
00:01:59,306 --> 00:02:02,310
Then I wouldn't get any messages.
18
00:02:04,711 --> 00:02:08,386
Oh, my gosh! Guess what?
19
00:02:08,448 --> 00:02:10,587
My brother's coming
to town tomorrow!
20
00:02:10,650 --> 00:02:12,357
- Yeah, your brother Gordon.
- The game warden.
21
00:02:12,419 --> 00:02:16,026
Yeah, Warden Gordon Borden.
22
00:02:16,089 --> 00:02:20,697
Uh, the last I heard from him, he was running
a bird sanctuary in the woods of Oregon.
23
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,433
- He still is.
- How do you know?
24
00:02:22,495 --> 00:02:24,771
I took the message.
He's coming to Chicago...
25
00:02:24,831 --> 00:02:27,368
to go to the zoo to see
two whooping cranes mate.
26
00:02:30,003 --> 00:02:32,449
Your brother sounds like
a bit of a voyeur, Howard.
27
00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:35,611
Yeah, he loves to travel.
28
00:02:37,277 --> 00:02:40,850
That's an awfully far distance to come
to see two whooping cranes.
29
00:02:40,914 --> 00:02:45,454
- He's coming at a lousy time.
- Well, uh, whooping cranes can't wait, Howard.
30
00:02:49,456 --> 00:02:53,370
When they feel like whooping,
it's Katy, bar the door.
31
00:02:54,694 --> 00:02:56,799
No, I mean, uh-
32
00:02:56,863 --> 00:02:59,207
- I mean, I won't be here.
- Oh, that's right.
33
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:01,974
You have to fly that load
of prunes to Topeka, don't you?
34
00:03:02,035 --> 00:03:04,413
Uh, yeah.
35
00:03:06,306 --> 00:03:09,913
What's my brother gonna do
when I'm out of town?
36
00:03:09,976 --> 00:03:11,978
Well, I suppose we could
invite him to dinner.
37
00:03:12,045 --> 00:03:14,321
We, uh, might not be here.
38
00:03:15,382 --> 00:03:17,328
Well, I can't let him
eat by himself.
39
00:03:17,384 --> 00:03:19,728
- He doesn't know where anything is.
- Don't worry, Howard.
40
00:03:19,786 --> 00:03:22,733
- We'll be here.
- Aw, thanks.
41
00:03:22,789 --> 00:03:26,669
I want things to be great for him.
I always looked up to him,you know?
42
00:03:26,726 --> 00:03:29,263
Even though he is
two inches shorter than I am.
43
00:03:29,329 --> 00:03:32,606
- Two years older.
- Maybe when you're older, he'll be taller.
44
00:03:35,635 --> 00:03:37,672
You know, I always idolized him.
45
00:03:37,737 --> 00:03:39,739
Sort of the same way
you feel about me.
46
00:03:41,408 --> 00:03:43,945
- Yeah, hero worship.
- Right.
47
00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:46,820
You know, I always
idolized my sister.
48
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,190
I used to wear her clothes,
just so I'd look like her.
49
00:03:49,249 --> 00:03:51,195
I remember I always wore her earrings.
50
00:03:51,251 --> 00:03:55,859
Gordon never wore earrings.
51
00:03:55,922 --> 00:03:58,266
Made me wear 'em once.
52
00:04:00,427 --> 00:04:03,408
He was always mean to me.
One time, I had a paper route, and he-
53
00:04:03,463 --> 00:04:07,070
He took it from me. In college,
I tried tojoin his fraternity...
54
00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:09,135
and he blackballed me.
55
00:04:09,202 --> 00:04:12,376
Probably because you
were wearing earrings.
56
00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:15,045
Sounds like a pretty
strong sibling rivalry.
57
00:04:15,108 --> 00:04:18,487
Well, not in this case, Bob.
He's my brother.
58
00:04:25,018 --> 00:04:26,964
What's the matter with you?
59
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:29,660
[Sighs]
What's the worst thing in the world?
60
00:04:29,723 --> 00:04:31,999
I know.
You're gonna criticize my coffee.
61
00:04:32,058 --> 00:04:35,801
Okay. What's the second worst
thing in the world?
62
00:04:35,862 --> 00:04:37,808
- I give up.
- Goin' to the dentist!
63
00:04:37,864 --> 00:04:40,242
I just came from there.
He told me my nerves were shot.
64
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:42,974
- Well, you should have gone to see Bob.
- No, no.
65
00:04:43,036 --> 00:04:44,982
The nerves of my two front teeth.
They gotta be pulled.
66
00:04:45,038 --> 00:04:47,450
- How'd it happen?
- I got hit in the mouth with a rook.
67
00:04:47,507 --> 00:04:50,113
- A rock.
- A rook.
68
00:04:50,176 --> 00:04:53,089
Piayin' chess with this girl, she got
mad at me and rifled a rook at me.
69
00:04:54,647 --> 00:04:57,423
- Imagine an orthodontist with no teeth?
- [ Chuckles ] Yeah.
70
00:04:57,484 --> 00:05:00,090
Like a bald barber.
[Laughs]
71
00:05:00,153 --> 00:05:02,929
Or a one-legged tap dancer?
[ Laughs]
72
00:05:06,092 --> 00:05:09,835
I don't know why some people find
those things amusing. I know I never have.
73
00:05:11,364 --> 00:05:13,867
Hope you never have to go through life
wearing an upper plate.
74
00:05:13,933 --> 00:05:15,879
Come on,jer. It's not
the end of the world.
75
00:05:15,935 --> 00:05:18,779
- Lots of people wear false teeth.
- How many of them are Orthodontists?
76
00:05:18,838 --> 00:05:21,318
It's not like all of
your teeth will be gone.
77
00:05:21,374 --> 00:05:24,719
- Thirty out of32's not bad.
- What's that supposed to mean?
78
00:05:24,778 --> 00:05:28,954
It means, you'll still have 3O teeth
out of your original 32.
79
00:05:29,015 --> 00:05:34,693
- What original 32?
- That's how many teeth people have!
80
00:05:35,855 --> 00:05:41,362
They have more than that!
Don't they?
81
00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:45,171
No. You can call
another dentist and check.
82
00:05:45,231 --> 00:05:47,211
Yeah, well, that's
exactly what I'm gonna do.
83
00:05:47,267 --> 00:05:49,406
[ Scoffs ]
Thirty-two teeth!
84
00:05:51,037 --> 00:05:54,109
- Carol, would you file for me?
- Sure, Bob. Would you hold this?
85
00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:56,211
Thank you.
86
00:05:56,276 --> 00:05:59,689
[Blowing]
87
00:05:59,746 --> 00:06:03,353
Carol, have you ever thought about
putting the files somewhere else...
88
00:06:03,416 --> 00:06:05,760
like... in a file drawer?
89
00:06:05,819 --> 00:06:08,425
Oh! Come on, Bob. This is my system.
90
00:06:08,488 --> 00:06:11,901
See, here is this year's,
and this is last year's...
91
00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:15,235
and, uh, this is years gone by.
92
00:06:15,295 --> 00:06:17,172
- Good filing system.
- Thank you.
93
00:06:17,230 --> 00:06:20,370
A lot of secretaries still use the, uh-
[Chuckles]
94
00:06:20,433 --> 00:06:22,379
The old-fashioned method,
you know, of...
95
00:06:22,435 --> 00:06:24,915
filing alphabetically.
[Chuckling]
96
00:06:24,971 --> 00:06:28,145
[Chuckling ] Well, we do things
different around here, Bob.
97
00:06:28,208 --> 00:06:32,054
Takejerry, for instance. He thinks
people have more than 32 teeth.
98
00:06:32,112 --> 00:06:34,922
They do.
99
00:06:34,981 --> 00:06:38,394
- Don't they?
- Finished with my nail polish, Bob?
100
00:06:38,518 --> 00:06:39,724
[Elevator Bell Dings]
101
00:06:39,786 --> 00:06:43,233
- Hey, Bob, you'll never guess who this is!
- Gordon Borden.
102
00:06:43,289 --> 00:06:48,466
Right, that's right. Oh, uh, this is Bob
Hartley, and this is his receptionist, Carol.
103
00:06:48,528 --> 00:06:50,940
Oh, I'm very pleased
to meet both of you. [Chuckles]
104
00:06:50,997 --> 00:06:52,943
Nice to meet you,
and welcome to Chicago.
105
00:06:52,999 --> 00:06:55,036
I imagine it's, uh, quite a bit different
than Oregon.
106
00:06:55,101 --> 00:06:58,947
Oh, oh, yeah. Well, in the first place, it's-
it's a lot further east.
107
00:06:59,005 --> 00:07:01,986
And also, it's a lot closer
to the Chicago zoo.
108
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:07,458
That's where we're going,
to see the whooping cranes.
109
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:11,553
Yeah. Bob, it's, uh- It's time!
[Chuckles]
110
00:07:13,353 --> 00:07:15,731
Cranes are in heat, huh?
111
00:07:17,991 --> 00:07:20,801
Bob, please, there's a-
There's a lady present.
112
00:07:20,860 --> 00:07:24,330
- It's okay, Gordon. I'm over 21.
- 0/1?
113
00:07:24,397 --> 00:07:26,604
Really? You don't look it.
114
00:07:26,666 --> 00:07:30,808
- Bless you.
- You're welcome.
115
00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:34,147
- Boy, I wish Ellen were in town. You'd love Ellen.
- Who's Ellen?
116
00:07:34,207 --> 00:07:35,982
- My sister.
- My girl.
117
00:07:36,042 --> 00:07:38,921
Oh, Howie! You never told me
you had a girlfriend.
118
00:07:38,978 --> 00:07:42,721
- Is Ellen anything like, uh-
- No, she, uh- She's more like, uh-
119
00:07:42,782 --> 00:07:45,956
- Oh-oh-oh, she's sort of a little bit outside of-
- Except she has more of a-
120
00:07:46,019 --> 00:07:48,021
- You know.
- Oh, you mean she's a little more this way.
121
00:07:48,087 --> 00:07:51,000
- Not quite.
- Oh, yeah. She sounds more like she's, uh-
122
00:07:51,057 --> 00:07:53,003
- Yeah, that's right. Isn't she, Bob?
- Yeah.
123
00:07:53,059 --> 00:07:55,596
- Yeah, a little more, I would say-
- Right! I've got to get going.
124
00:07:55,662 --> 00:07:59,132
Lots to do.
Then I'm on my way to Topeka.
125
00:07:59,199 --> 00:08:03,204
Uh, Howard- Howie, could I, uh-
Uh, could I borrow your wallet?
126
00:08:03,269 --> 00:08:05,806
Well, the last time
you borrowed my wallet...
127
00:08:05,872 --> 00:08:08,079
you took the money out,
then you gave me my wallet back.
128
00:08:08,141 --> 00:08:11,679
Oh, I know! I know that, Howie.
But you see, this time...
129
00:08:11,744 --> 00:08:14,850
- I'm not gonna give the wallet back.
- [ Laughs] Oh! Okay.
130
00:08:23,423 --> 00:08:25,994
Well, uh, that's very interesting, Bob.
So, um-
131
00:08:26,059 --> 00:08:28,539
You don't actually shrink people.
132
00:08:32,131 --> 00:08:34,077
That's- That's just
a term, “shrink?
133
00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:36,409
Well, that's good,
because nowadays, you know...
134
00:08:36,469 --> 00:08:38,540
most people wanna be tall.
135
00:08:38,605 --> 00:08:40,585
- Coffee, Gordon?
- Oh, yeah. Thank you.
136
00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:42,586
Aren't you gonna eat
any of your goose?
137
00:08:42,642 --> 00:08:46,488
Uh, no, sorry. He looks
too much like Kevin.
138
00:08:48,114 --> 00:08:51,823
- Kevin?
- Yeah. Kevin is a goose I know.
139
00:08:51,884 --> 00:08:54,763
You know a goose?
140
00:08:57,390 --> 00:09:00,098
Sure. When you work
in a bird sanctuary, I mean...
141
00:09:00,159 --> 00:09:04,039
you get to know an awful lot of birds
on a kind of one-to-one basis.
142
00:09:04,097 --> 00:09:08,273
- And Kevin is a personal friend of yours?
- Oh, yeah.
143
00:09:08,334 --> 00:09:10,780
Yeah, he's, uh- He's quite a goose.
144
00:09:10,837 --> 00:09:15,081
And you know, Emily, this goose
has exactly Kevin's build...
145
00:09:15,141 --> 00:09:17,087
sol hope you understand.
146
00:09:17,143 --> 00:09:19,851
- Oh, Gordon, I'm so sorry.
- No, that's all right.
147
00:09:19,912 --> 00:09:22,825
- No, no, I'm really very sorry.
- Okay.
148
00:09:22,882 --> 00:09:25,419
I know what it's like
to be close to an animal.
149
00:09:25,485 --> 00:09:31,231
L, uh-When I was a kid, I had
a pet snapping turtle called Prince.
150
00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:34,829
Oh, really? You never
told me about Prince.
151
00:09:34,894 --> 00:09:37,932
Well, I didn't want
to stir up sad memories.
152
00:09:37,997 --> 00:09:42,969
- Oh, Prince died?
- No, I traded it to Owen Lissy.
153
00:09:43,036 --> 00:09:45,038
Uh, Owen died.
154
00:09:47,373 --> 00:09:50,047
I don't know whatever
happened to Prince.
155
00:09:50,109 --> 00:09:53,283
_ H”
- Oh, hi, Ellen.
156
00:09:53,346 --> 00:09:55,519
- Hi, Bob.
- Oh, I thought you were in Cleveland.
157
00:09:55,581 --> 00:09:57,925
Yeah, I was, but I finished up
a day early, so here I am.
158
00:09:57,984 --> 00:10:01,454
- Where's Howard?
- He's in Topeka with a planeload of prunes.
159
00:10:01,521 --> 00:10:03,501
Aha. That sounds like Howard.
[Chuckles]
160
00:10:03,556 --> 00:10:07,060
Well, uh, this is Howard's brother, Gordon.
Gordon, this is Bob's sister, Ellen.
161
00:10:07,126 --> 00:10:10,437
Warden Gordon Borden.
162
00:10:10,496 --> 00:10:13,272
I'm really- I'm really
so pleased to meet you.
163
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,745
Oh, same here.
164
00:10:15,802 --> 00:10:19,511
Gee, the resemblance to Howard
is just incredible! [Sighs]
165
00:10:19,572 --> 00:10:21,518
- Gordon?
- Huh? Yeah?
166
00:10:21,574 --> 00:10:25,112
- You're holding my hand.
- Oh, yes. Yes, I know.
167
00:10:25,178 --> 00:10:29,126
Well, would you mind holding the other hand?
That one's getting kind of numb.
168
00:10:29,182 --> 00:10:32,459
- Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
- You want something to eat?
169
00:10:32,518 --> 00:10:35,761
Oh, no thanks. I can't stay.
Smells good, though. What is it?
170
00:10:35,822 --> 00:10:38,701
Kevin.
171
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:44,633
It's goose, and
we don't know its name.
172
00:10:44,697 --> 00:10:47,473
- Probably Eric.
- Bob.
173
00:10:47,533 --> 00:10:49,740
Gee, I, uh-l should get home
and get unpacked.
174
00:10:49,802 --> 00:10:52,146
Oh,yeah. I, uh-
I gotta get going too.
175
00:10:52,205 --> 00:10:56,017
Emily, thanks so much for the dinner.
I'm, uh- I'm sorryl hated it.
176
00:10:57,543 --> 00:11:00,615
- You're welcome, Gordon.
- Can I give you a ride?
177
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,626
Oh, yeah. That'd be neat.
178
00:11:02,682 --> 00:11:06,027
Only, uh, I don't want you to go
too far out of your way.
179
00:11:06,085 --> 00:11:08,190
- Oh, where are you staying?
- Across the hall.
180
00:11:08,254 --> 00:11:12,862
[ Laughs]
You're Howard's brother.
181
00:11:12,925 --> 00:11:14,927
- Uh, Ellen?
- Yeah?
182
00:11:14,994 --> 00:11:18,237
- Howard says you're his girl.
- Yeah, I guess I am.
183
00:11:18,297 --> 00:11:20,937
[Chuckles]
Boy, that Howard.
184
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,004
- He sure is a... lucky duck.
- [Chuckles]
185
00:11:24,070 --> 00:11:26,107
[Chuckling, Grunting]
Uh.
186
00:11:26,172 --> 00:11:28,118
- Oh, sorry.
- [ Chuckling] Can we change hands again?
187
00:11:28,174 --> 00:11:30,120
- Sure. Uh-huh.
- Thank you. [Clears Throat]
188
00:11:30,176 --> 00:11:33,248
- Bye.
- [ Door Closes]
189
00:11:33,312 --> 00:11:38,125
Bob. You know how Gordon's always
taking things from Howard?
190
00:11:38,184 --> 00:11:40,425
Yeah, but I'm sure Gordon
will return hisjacket.
191
00:11:40,486 --> 00:11:44,298
I'm not talking about thejacket.
I'm talking about the girl.
192
00:11:44,357 --> 00:11:47,031
Oh. E-Emily, I'm sure that, uh...
193
00:11:47,093 --> 00:11:50,097
shejust reminds him of
a personal friend of his.
194
00:11:51,431 --> 00:11:53,411
Debbie the pheasant.
195
00:12:03,075 --> 00:12:08,184
Look at this, honey. They found a German soldier
who's been missing in action since 1918.
196
00:12:08,247 --> 00:12:11,387
Oh.
His parents'll be glad to see him.
197
00:12:14,921 --> 00:12:19,392
You know, Bob? I woke up this morning,
and I was still thinking about it.
198
00:12:19,459 --> 00:12:23,407
- Gordon is smitten with Ellen.
- “Smitten“?
199
00:12:23,463 --> 00:12:26,205
Emily, nobody says “smitten“ anymore.
200
00:12:26,265 --> 00:12:30,543
- All right, he's taken with her.
- Taken with her? How old are you, Emily?
201
00:12:30,603 --> 00:12:33,106
All right. He's enamored!
202
00:12:33,172 --> 00:12:35,914
Emily, get with it.
203
00:12:36,976 --> 00:12:39,923
All right.
how would you describe it?
204
00:12:39,979 --> 00:12:45,122
I would say that he thinks
she's the... cat's pajamas.
205
00:12:45,184 --> 00:12:49,462
That describes it perfectly. I mean, you
saw the way he sparked to her last night.
206
00:12:50,590 --> 00:12:52,627
Emily, the last thing
Ellen is gonna do...
207
00:12:52,692 --> 00:12:54,638
is to drop Howard for Gordon.
208
00:12:54,694 --> 00:12:59,109
That's like trading a whoopee cushion
for an exploding cigar.
209
00:12:59,165 --> 00:13:02,772
Well, I don't want to be the one
to tell Howard what happened.
210
00:13:02,835 --> 00:13:06,578
- Nothing happened.
- What do you mean, “Nothing happened“?
211
00:13:06,639 --> 00:13:10,246
They left together last night.
212
00:13:10,309 --> 00:13:12,789
So they left together.
What's wrong with leaving together?
213
00:13:12,845 --> 00:13:16,622
Well, nothing.
lfthat's all they did.
214
00:13:16,682 --> 00:13:18,923
That's all they did.
215
00:13:18,985 --> 00:13:22,899
[Sighs]
Hi, Bob. Hi, Emily.
216
00:13:24,123 --> 00:13:26,933
Where's, uh- Where's Gordon?
217
00:13:26,993 --> 00:13:29,633
He's not here.
218
00:13:29,695 --> 00:13:33,609
Gee, I got home late last night,
and he wasn't in the apartment.
219
00:13:33,666 --> 00:13:37,671
Thought maybe he stayed over here, rather
than go all the way across the hall late at night.
220
00:13:37,737 --> 00:13:41,344
Nothing happened, Howard.
221
00:13:41,407 --> 00:13:44,354
Bob, it was his first night in town.
It was your responsibility.
222
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:48,916
- I mean, where did he go?
- I don't know. Where did he go, Emily?
223
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,955
Well, uh, he- He probably went out
for a cup of coffee.
224
00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:56,022
Oh, that's it. That's it.
225
00:13:56,088 --> 00:13:58,830
Yeah, he probably went to one of
those diners where they, you know...
226
00:13:58,891 --> 00:14:03,704
- keep filling the cup and don't charge anything.
- Aha. Sure. [Chuckles]
227
00:14:03,763 --> 00:14:06,471
That's what happened.
Well, I gotta get back to the airport...
228
00:14:06,532 --> 00:14:10,537
- and, uh, pick up Ellen.
- Uh, I, uh- I wouldn't do that, Howard.
229
00:14:10,603 --> 00:14:14,676
You know? Uh.
She might not come in today.
230
00:14:16,909 --> 00:14:21,324
- Why not?
- Why not, Bob?
231
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:24,452
Oh, because, uh,
maybe she came in last night...
232
00:14:24,517 --> 00:14:28,932
and-and came over here
and met Gordon.
233
00:14:32,458 --> 00:14:35,928
- Did she?
- I don't know. Did she, Emily?
234
00:14:37,229 --> 00:14:41,200
- Yes, she did.
- Great. How'd they get along?
235
00:14:41,267 --> 00:14:44,805
Uh, I don't know, Bob.
How would you say they got along?
236
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:47,976
Uh, they got along okay.
237
00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:50,384
He, uh- He left with her.
238
00:14:50,443 --> 00:14:54,084
Oh, well, then. Great.
There's nothing to worry about.
239
00:14:54,146 --> 00:14:56,092
He's, uh, probably
spending the night at Ellen's.
240
00:14:56,148 --> 00:14:58,185
[Chuckles]
241
00:14:59,285 --> 00:15:01,765
Door Closes 1
242
00:15:01,821 --> 00:15:05,792
Well, there it is, Bob.
The beginning of the end.
243
00:15:07,426 --> 00:15:10,600
Emily, nobody would
take his brother's girl.
244
00:15:10,663 --> 00:15:14,201
Well, my sister stole my boyfriend,
and she married him.
245
00:15:14,266 --> 00:15:17,076
[Laughing]
246
00:15:17,136 --> 00:15:21,676
That, uh- that fat guy
with the bulging eyes-
247
00:15:21,741 --> 00:15:24,620
[Chuckling]
L-Leopold Osner?
248
00:15:24,677 --> 00:15:28,284
He was- He was your boyfriend?
[Laughing]
249
00:15:30,616 --> 00:15:34,655
- That's right.
- He, uh- He's the ugliest guy I've ever seen.
250
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,894
[Laughing]
251
00:15:37,957 --> 00:15:40,437
Well, he was very
attractive at the time.
252
00:15:40,493 --> 00:15:43,201
Oh! Oh, I see.
253
00:15:43,262 --> 00:15:46,539
I guess after
your sister stole him...
254
00:15:46,599 --> 00:15:49,341
he turned into King Kong.
255
00:16:00,246 --> 00:16:03,056
Carol, I won't be in this afternoon.
I'm going to the dentist.
256
00:16:03,115 --> 00:16:05,755
Well, when you're there, ask him
how many teeth people have.
257
00:16:05,818 --> 00:16:07,820
[Laughs] Hey, I already checked that.
You were right.
258
00:16:07,887 --> 00:16:09,833
Thirty-two.
[Chuckles]
259
00:16:09,889 --> 00:16:12,369
I was thinkin' of a piano.
260
00:16:12,425 --> 00:16:16,874
- Pianos don't have teeth.
- Right! They have 84 keys.
261
00:16:16,929 --> 00:16:19,535
- Eight-eight keys.
- Yeah. Well, the one I was thinking of...
262
00:16:19,598 --> 00:16:21,544
doesn't have any wisdom keys.
263
00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:25,377
♪♪ [ Whistling]
264
00:16:25,438 --> 00:16:27,543
- Hi.
- Oh, good. Here comes another one.
265
00:16:27,606 --> 00:16:29,608
- Hi, Gordon.
- Hi, Carol.
266
00:16:29,675 --> 00:16:31,677
How were the whooping cranes?
Did they get it on yet?
267
00:16:35,247 --> 00:16:37,625
City women.
268
00:16:37,683 --> 00:16:40,596
- Oh, hiya, Bob.
- Hi.
269
00:16:40,653 --> 00:16:43,497
- Hi, Gordon.
- Uh, you haven't seen Howard, have ya?
270
00:16:43,556 --> 00:16:46,127
No, as a matter of fact,
I think he's looking for you.
271
00:16:46,192 --> 00:16:48,672
Oh, there's no way
he could have found me. I, uh-
272
00:16:48,728 --> 00:16:52,141
I was with Ellen all night.
273
00:16:52,198 --> 00:16:54,405
You know, I think we ought
to have a little talk.
274
00:16:54,467 --> 00:16:59,143
Oh, maybe later, Bob. Because, you see,
right now I'd like to have a little talk.
275
00:16:59,205 --> 00:17:03,745
You know, last night was
the most wonderful night of my life.
276
00:17:03,809 --> 00:17:07,689
I mean, it was a night
just made for love.
277
00:17:07,747 --> 00:17:11,388
You, uh- You didn't even
think about Howard?
278
00:17:11,450 --> 00:17:15,455
Oh, no. No. No, we werejust watching
those whooping cranes.
279
00:17:15,521 --> 00:17:18,968
You know, well-
[Chuckles]
280
00:17:20,826 --> 00:17:23,329
It takes all night?
281
00:17:23,395 --> 00:17:26,274
Oh,yeah. It's very unusual,
the way they go about it, Bob.
282
00:17:26,332 --> 00:17:30,280
You see, they have very long necks
and very skinny legs.
283
00:17:30,336 --> 00:17:33,715
So when they run at each other,
it's kind of a-
284
00:17:33,773 --> 00:17:36,151
kind of a hit-and-miss proposition.
285
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:43,924
And they- You and Ellenjust watched them
sort of flail at each other?
286
00:17:43,983 --> 00:17:47,226
Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's all.
287
00:17:47,286 --> 00:17:49,232
Good.
[Sighs]
288
00:17:49,288 --> 00:17:51,359
Because now, Bob, I'd, uh-
289
00:17:51,423 --> 00:17:54,597
I'd like to get into
something entirely different.
290
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:58,039
- I want to marryyour sister.
- What?
291
00:17:58,097 --> 00:18:01,601
- Well, I love Ellen, Bob.
- Have you told Ellen this?
292
00:18:01,667 --> 00:18:06,946
Oh, no, no. There's something very
important I have to askyou first.
293
00:18:07,006 --> 00:18:10,385
- What's Ellen's favorite color?
- Why?
294
00:18:10,442 --> 00:18:14,913
Well, because you see, I've got to get
a bigger tent, and a double sleeping bag...
295
00:18:14,980 --> 00:18:18,257
and so it might as well be in a color
she likes,you know?
296
00:18:18,317 --> 00:18:21,594
I mean, my favorite color is khaki.
297
00:18:22,588 --> 00:18:25,899
That's her favorite color, too.
298
00:18:25,958 --> 00:18:29,997
Great! Well, that's all I need to know.
So long, Bob. I gotta go now.
299
00:18:30,062 --> 00:18:33,236
Boy, you know, last night
was just terrific.
300
00:18:33,299 --> 00:18:37,509
It was like the first day of spring,
when you hear the indigo bunting call...
301
00:18:37,570 --> 00:18:39,641
“Ter-willow! Ter-willow! Ter-willow!
302
00:18:39,705 --> 00:18:42,447
Tar-willow! Tar-willow! Tar-willow!"
303
00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:45,148
That's the way
I want to propose to Ellen.
304
00:18:46,445 --> 00:18:49,016
I don't see how she could refuse.
305
00:18:57,556 --> 00:19:00,833
You know something?
You're a good ironer, Gordon.
306
00:19:00,893 --> 00:19:02,998
- Aw.
- I think it runs in the family.
307
00:19:03,062 --> 00:19:07,374
I mean, Dad was a terrific ironer,
but I thinkyou're even better.
308
00:19:07,433 --> 00:19:09,936
Well,you know, Howie, I had an awful lot
of practice in college...
309
00:19:10,002 --> 00:19:13,711
because I did all the ironing
for my fraternity brothers.
310
00:19:13,772 --> 00:19:17,777
Well, I could have helped you
if you hadn't had me blackballed.
311
00:19:17,843 --> 00:19:22,952
Howard, there is something that
you have got to understand about that.
312
00:19:23,015 --> 00:19:26,690
Itwasn'tjust me.
A lot of the guys wanted you out.
313
00:19:26,752 --> 00:19:29,858
- Really?
- Yeah!
314
00:19:29,922 --> 00:19:32,835
- All those years, I thought it was just you!
- No, no.
315
00:19:32,892 --> 00:19:35,873
It was just that they-
They didn't need two ironers.
316
00:19:35,928 --> 00:19:40,172
Well,you made up for it last night
by taking Ellen to the zoo.
317
00:19:40,232 --> 00:19:43,873
- She said she had a wonderful time.
- Oh, Ellen's a wonderful girl.
318
00:19:43,936 --> 00:19:47,748
- Yeah.
- Ever see her eyes light up when she laughs?
319
00:19:47,806 --> 00:19:52,255
Yeah. Did you ever see her eyes
light up when she talks?
320
00:19:52,311 --> 00:19:55,224
- Yeah.
- Well, then, you should see her eyes light up...
321
00:19:55,281 --> 00:19:57,818
when she laughs and talks
at the same time!
322
00:19:57,883 --> 00:20:01,092
Boy, that must really
be something to see.
323
00:20:01,153 --> 00:20:04,430
It is! It's not easy to do.
324
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:07,664
-I love Ellen.
- Yeah, me too.
325
00:20:07,726 --> 00:20:10,866
I mean, I-l really love her, Howie.
326
00:20:10,930 --> 00:20:13,706
And I'm-
I'm gonna ask her to marry me.
327
00:20:17,803 --> 00:20:20,682
But I already asked her to marry me!
328
00:20:20,739 --> 00:20:22,776
Well, yeah, but Howie,
she turned you down.
329
00:20:22,841 --> 00:20:25,253
Waita minute.
Are you stealing my girl?
330
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:27,951
Now, that's not stealing. You know.
331
00:20:28,013 --> 00:20:32,018
I mean, you've already had your chance.
I'm just mopping up.
332
00:20:35,054 --> 00:20:37,398
[Gasping]
333
00:20:37,456 --> 00:20:40,403
You rat! I mean,
you stole my roller skates...
334
00:20:40,459 --> 00:20:42,962
and my ant farm and my paper route,
now you're stealing my girl!
335
00:20:43,028 --> 00:20:46,976
I never stole your roller skates.
I stole your ice skates.
336
00:20:47,032 --> 00:20:49,444
I lost your roller skates.
337
00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:54,780
- Well, what's the difference?
- One has wheels, and the other has blades!
338
00:20:56,075 --> 00:20:58,351
- Hi, fellas.
- I'll be with you in a minute, Ellen.
339
00:20:58,410 --> 00:21:00,356
We've got something
to straighten out.
340
00:21:00,412 --> 00:21:02,949
- You don't love her. You hardly know her!
- I do love her.
341
00:21:03,015 --> 00:21:04,961
- I love her more!
- Oh, yeah?
342
00:21:05,017 --> 00:21:07,657
- Yeah!
- Maybe I should come back later.
343
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:09,927
You stay right here
and make up your mind right now!
344
00:21:09,989 --> 00:21:12,663
- About what?
- I mean, whether it's me or him.
345
00:21:12,725 --> 00:21:15,001
Yeah, Ellen.
You really gotta make a decision...
346
00:21:15,060 --> 00:21:18,667
because, you see, I, uh-
I have to leave tonight.
347
00:21:18,731 --> 00:21:21,940
- Hold it. Are you two fighting over me?
- Yeah.
348
00:21:22,001 --> 00:21:25,073
- I want you to come to Oregon.
- And I want you to stay here in Chicago.
349
00:21:25,137 --> 00:21:27,640
But I want to move to Cleveland.
350
00:21:27,706 --> 00:21:29,845
- What do you mean, you're moving to Cleveland?
- Oh, Howard.
351
00:21:29,908 --> 00:21:33,014
I've gotten a terrificjob offer
on the newspaper there, and...
352
00:21:33,078 --> 00:21:37,493
-I think I'm gonna take it.
- Well, I can't move to Cleveland.
353
00:21:37,549 --> 00:21:40,996
- Can't break my lease.
- Yeah, I- I can't go either.
354
00:21:41,053 --> 00:21:44,034
I'm not asking
either one of you to go.
355
00:21:44,089 --> 00:21:46,091
I mean, this is something
I have to do for myself.
356
00:21:46,158 --> 00:21:49,628
- You mean, I'll never see you again?
- Oh, Howard, don't be silly.
357
00:21:49,695 --> 00:21:51,732
You're not gonna get rid
of me that easily.
358
00:21:51,797 --> 00:21:55,438
First of all, I'm not leaving for a month. And
then, I'll only be a couple hundred miles away.
359
00:21:55,501 --> 00:22:00,246
- What about me? - lfmy newspaper ever
does a story on whooping cranes...
360
00:22:00,305 --> 00:22:02,307
you'll be the first guy I call.
361
00:22:02,374 --> 00:22:05,116
Well, look.
Call the ranger station, will ya?
362
00:22:05,177 --> 00:22:07,919
- Because they'll always know where I am.
- So long, Gordon.
363
00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:10,119
Yeah. So long.
And if the ranger is out...
364
00:22:10,182 --> 00:22:12,253
just try him again,
'cause he's either in town...
365
00:22:12,317 --> 00:22:14,263
or he's maybe gone to the bathroom.
366
00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:16,890
Okay. [Chuckling]
I'll see you.
367
00:22:16,955 --> 00:22:20,027
So long, Gordon, and thanks
for a night I'll never forget.
368
00:22:20,092 --> 00:22:22,038
- Bye.
- So long, Howard.
369
00:22:22,094 --> 00:22:24,802
- Bye, Ellen. I'll see you tomorrow.
- [Gordon] Bye.
370
00:22:26,932 --> 00:22:31,074
Boy! Did you see
the way her eyes lit up?
371
00:22:31,136 --> 00:22:33,582
Yeah, I saw it, Howie.
You don't have to rub it in.
372
00:22:33,639 --> 00:22:36,381
Just remember, she's my girl,
and you're not gonna steal her.
373
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:38,581
All right. Then I'm
keeping the wallet.
374
00:22:40,212 --> 00:22:42,419
- Yeah, but you're not keeping my shirt!
- What the-
375
00:22:42,481 --> 00:22:44,427
Hold it! Now, that's not your shirt.
376
00:22:44,483 --> 00:22:47,487
- Now you're stealing my shirt!
- Howard, that's a game warden's shirt.
377
00:22:47,553 --> 00:22:49,499
- It's a navigators shirt.
- It is not!
378
00:22:49,555 --> 00:22:51,501
- It is too!
-Hi!
379
00:22:51,557 --> 00:22:54,629
- Hi! Gordon's stealing my shirts.
- I am not!
380
00:22:54,693 --> 00:22:57,367
You are too! And it's got
my name on it- Borden!
381
00:22:57,429 --> 00:22:59,534
I don't want to listen to this.
Let's leave.
382
00:22:59,598 --> 00:23:02,511
- No, I want to find out who owns the shirt.
- I own the shirt.
383
00:23:02,568 --> 00:23:05,276
- No- No, I own it.
- It's notyour shirt!
384
00:23:05,337 --> 00:23:07,476
- It is too!
- W-Wait one minute! Wait one minute.
385
00:23:07,539 --> 00:23:10,452
Now, I think that I can settle this.
386
00:23:10,509 --> 00:23:12,511
[Ripping]
387
00:23:18,917 --> 00:23:23,832
Wait a minute, mister.
The ladyjust tore my navigator shirt.
388
00:23:23,889 --> 00:23:26,426
- You owe me 18.50.
- Oh, no. No, no.
389
00:23:26,492 --> 00:23:30,941
It happens to be a game warden's shirt,
and it cost $25.00!
390
00:23:30,996 --> 00:23:34,205
Right! You owe us 43.50.
391
00:23:37,002 --> 00:23:39,141
- All right, give me your wallet.
- Here.
392
00:23:39,204 --> 00:23:41,206
Wait a minute.
Don't fall for that, Gordon.
393
00:23:41,273 --> 00:23:43,275
Put your wallet back in your pocket.
394
00:23:43,342 --> 00:23:45,344
I'll pay for this.
395
00:23:52,618 --> 00:23:55,155
Any messages on
the answering service?
396
00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:58,827
Just for Howard.
His brother's coming to town.
397
00:23:58,891 --> 00:24:02,395
- Gordon's coming back?
- No, this is his other brother.
398
00:24:02,461 --> 00:24:05,908
- Norman.
- Norman Borden?
399
00:24:05,964 --> 00:24:09,411
Yeah. Guess what he does.
400
00:24:09,468 --> 00:24:11,607
Don't tell me, Emily.
I don't wanna know.
401
00:24:11,670 --> 00:24:13,980
He's a doorman.
402
00:24:15,574 --> 00:24:17,520
Really?
403
00:24:17,576 --> 00:24:19,988
Yeah, he works in Salt Lake City,
at the tabernacle.
404
00:24:22,314 --> 00:24:25,693
- Don't tell me he's a Mormon.
- Mm-hmm.
405
00:24:28,453 --> 00:24:31,923
Norman Borden, the Mormon doorman.
406
00:24:31,990 --> 00:24:35,267
[Laughing]
407
00:24:38,630 --> 00:24:41,133
-[Sighs]
- How long did it take you to think that up?
408
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:43,146
Four hours.
409
00:24:51,610 --> 00:24:53,851
Your brother-in-law
still looks like King Kong.
410
00:25:28,247 --> 00:25:29,555
[ Mews]
34990
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