All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s03e07 - Dr. Ryans Express

L- I'm really glad about starting this-
this over-60s workshop.

I must say I've-
I've learned a lot.

L- I think I can helpyou to-
to overcome your feelings...

of being neglected
and- and unwanted...

but I-l thinkwe'rejust gonna have to
take things one day at a time.

Even though each day
might be our last?

Tomorrow I'm gonna remind
my store manager...

about that promotion
he promised me...

and if I don't get it by the time I'm 63,
I just might walk.

I'd punch his face in.

Mr. Vickers, I sense a certain amount
of bitterness.

Bitterness?
Why should I be bitter?

Just because I'm
the oldest one here?

Just because I was thrown out
of my own business...

by my son
the clay I turned 65?

That's pathetic.

Uh, Mr. Carlin,
we try to be positive here.

You're more fortunate
than most of us here.

At least you've been able to keep
youryouthful appearance.

You know, you don't
look anywhere near 60.

That's 'cause I'm 34.

Who are you kidding?
You've got to be at least 50.

- He reminds me of my son.
- Thanks.

He was a vicious
little punk too.

Uh, t-take it easy,
Mr. Vickers.

Maybe Mr. Carlin
shouldn't be here.

Well, it's not that I don't find him
pleasant in a repulsive sort ofway.

But, I mean,
this is an over-SOs group.

Well, Mr. Carlin's in-
in a lot of my groups.

He has, uh, difficulty relating
to people of all ages.

And he always will.

Well, I think we've gone
about as far as we can go.

Uh, why don't we pick it up here,
uh, next week?

L-I would like to end
this meeting on an up note.

So I just want to remind you
that you are vital, useful people...

and I think between all of us,
we can learn that life does begin at 60.

[Snickering]

You know, I wouldn't mind getting old if
I could have the body of a young person.

Where's Mr. Carlin?
Isn't he coming?

Uh, no. He has
a private session now.

He's awful screwed up,
isn't he?

- Well, I'll, uh- I'll see you all next week.
- God willing.

- Oh, Bob, aren't you gonna say good-bye?
- Oh, Carol, I'm sorry.

I completely forgot. You're going away
for a few days, aren't you?

Yeah. And I really hate to leave you
so busy, but I gotta catch a plane.

Well, don't worry about it.
just have a good time.

- Bob, I'm going to a funeral.
- Oh, then don't have a good time.

If you really need me, I'll be in Witchita,
Kansas at thejayhawk Mortuary.

Well, I-l wouldn't
wanna bother you there.

Okay.

- Bob, can I see you for a second?
- I'm sorry. I'm really swamped.

- What about Carol's replacement?
- I don't know. Hire somebody.

No. You see, you're the guy who's always
in charge of hiring replacements.

- Why is it always up to me?
- Because you're never happy with anybody I pick.

- That's not true.
- I suppose you were happy with Greta?

You picked her up
at a ski lodge.

She couldn't type, she couldn't write,
she couldn't read, she couldn't think.

She made great fondue.

Look,jerry, hire anybody.
l-lt's up to you.

Okay, I'll hire Eleanor Van Vekten
from the 9th floor.

- Absolutely not.
- She can read.

What's going on? There's a man in here
with a serious problem.

Right, Mr. Carlin.
Jerry, just hire whoever you want.

Don't ever leave me
alone that long.

I don't remember
ordering cafe curtains.

Well, I still think
the fabric is beautiful.

Yeah, what there is of it.
But, Howard...

drapes are supposed to
come all the way to the floor.

I wonder how much it would cost
to raise the floor.

Oh, Howard,
Bob is just gonna be furious.

Oh, he probably won't notice.

How can he not notice?

Well, I didn't notice.

Of course,
I'm taller than Bob.

- Hi, honey.
- Oh, hi, dear.

Why are the drapes
so short?

Howard thought
you wouldn't notice.

- Yeah, I noticed coming down the street.
- Huh?

- You aren't gonna leave them that way, are you?
- Oh, of course not.

Good. 'Cause I wouldn't want the people
down there looking up our, uh, drapes.

- When are they gonna fix them?
- I don't know.

- I haven't called them yet.
- Why not?

I hate to tell them they made a mistake,
especially with a rush order.

Honey, 12 weeks
isn't exactly a rush order.

Maybe I'd better go
if you two are gonna argue.

- Oh, Howard, we're not arguing.
- Not yet.

Uh, Emily, you really have to
call them and tell them to come over.

I mean, that's-
that's inexcusable.

I know, Bob. But, I mean,
I just don't know what to say.

Well, how about,
“The drapes are too short“?

Look, I know how
Emily feels. I mean...

when I go in a restaurant,
I'm always ashamed to send back meat.

I don't even send back meat on the plane, and
I'm one of the most important people on it.

Yeah, but, Howard,
we're not talking about meat.

We're talking about drapes that cost
maybe, uh, $150, $200.

390, Bob.

Now it's an argument.

Uh, well, look, I think
I, uh, better be going.

Uh-

Actually, those drapes
do look stupid.

Well, you gonna call them?

Bob, I don't know
what to say.

All right. I'll call them.

Oh, thank you, honey.
Now, look,just tell them...

that if they're gonna make
mistakes like this...

they should not be in the business,
and that I expect them here...

by 10:00 tomorrow morning
to pick up-

You know,
in your own words, of course.

You know- You know, Emily,
what I don't understand?

Why do I wind up doing jobs that
other people are perfectly capable of doing?

I mean, like at the office today.
Jerry wanted me...

to decide on
a replacement for Carol.

I mean, why do I
have to do it all the time?

Well, honey, some people
arejust decision makers. That's all.

What do you want with
your dinner, tea or coffee?

Coffee. Uh, make it tea.

No, make it coffee.

Uh,milk. Milk.

Uh, hi,yeah.
Listen, I, uh-

I hate to botheryou
about this, but, uh-

See, we have these
living room drapes, and, uh-

I-I don't know if
the ceilings too high, or-

Now, is everything clear
in your mind, Debbie?

Oh,yes. And I wanna thank you
for having me back again.

I was here once before,
wasn't I?

Yes. Yes, you were, Debbie,
and I'm glad you were available.

Oh, I'm always available,
unless I'm busy someplace else.

Uh-huh. Good.
I'll remember that.

One thing though,
Dr. Robinson.

I've been noticing that these
typewriter keys just don't seem to work.

See, that's an electric
typewriter, Debbie.

- You have to turn it on actually.
- Oh, of course.

Where did I put
my brain this morning?

- Uh, Debbie?
- Yes?

- I'm just looking for my pen.
- Oh, good.

- Hey, good morning, Bob.
- HLJerry.

How are you, Dr. Ryan?

Bob, you remember,
uh, Debbie.

I remember her,
but I don't think she remembers me.

- I'm Dr. Hartley.
- Would you like a cup of coffee, Dr. Ryan?

Uh, yes.
Cream and sugar.

I'll get it for you
right away.

- There's a coffee machine right over there.
- Oh?

Good.

UhJerry, could I-couldl
talk to you for a minute?

- Sure.
- Could we go in Dr. Ryan's office?

' Why-Jerry?
' Why not?

I mean, she's a real nice lady,
and I like her.

Jerry, the last time
she was here was a disaster...

and I'm much too busy
for disasters.

I mean, she isn't qualified
to do anyjob in the office.

That's not true, Bob. She told me
this morning she takes speed writing...

if you talk real slow.

This is a business office, and things
have to be done in a certain way.

I'm willing do take
total responsibility for this.

Ifshe doesn't work out,
you can get rid of her.

- You get rid of her.
- Okay.

- I mean it,jerry. lfshe doesn't work out...
- Okay.

I want you to call Freedman Fill-ins
and get her replaced.

I will, Bob. I-

- Oh! Oh, excuse me.
- That's all right.

Here we go.

Oh, no. What the heck's
the matter with me?

That's all right. Now there's room
for the cream and sugar.

Cream and sugar.
I'll get it right away.

Uh, Debbie, the door
is the wayyou came in.

Oh, right.
Cream and sugar, right?

- Right. And maybe a rag?
- Oh. Right.

Jerry, are you sure we have enough insurance
to cover what might happen here today?

Take it easy, Bob.just give her
a chance to get the feel of things here.

- Nothing's gonna happen to her.
- I'm not worried about her.

Oh, here we are.

Here's the sugar.

[Chuckles]

Uh, Debbie, I really need
that piece of paper.

Oh, of course you do.

I guess I'm
all thumbs today.

Will there be
anything else, Dr. Ryan?

No.

I'll, uh- I'll be in touch
with you in just a few minutes.

Fine.

L-Jerry, what is it?

Does she remind you of someone
who was nice to you at one time?

Someone who took a thorn
out of your paw when you were a kid?

Someone who gave you candy?

Someone who put salt
in your coffee?

Oh.

All rightjerry. Look, she stays
the rest of the day, and that's it.

Okay, Bob.
Whatever you want.

But that salt was a mistake
that anybody could make.

- It's not her fault.
- You're rightjerry.

It was my fault.
I should have ordered soup.

Don't yell at me, Bob.
It wasn't my fault.

- I'm listening.
- Well, see...

there were these three guys-
all named Smitty.

They said in all theiryears
in the business...

nobody had ever told them
the drapes were too short.

Sol said, “Well,
the drapes are too short.“

And Smitty said,
“They don't look short to me.

What do you think, Smitty?“
And he said, “I can't see it.

What do you think, Smitty?“
And Smitty said...

“They look a little short to me, but I don't
wanna go against my father and my uncle.“

And you just stood here
and let them lower the drapes.

No, I didn't stand there.
I had to go to school.

I told them to do something about it,
and that's what they did.

All right. Call them,
tell them to come over...

pick up these drapes
and bring back the old drapes.

- [ Sighs ] All right. I'll call them.
- Oh.

Thank you, Bob.
Bob,just ask for Smitty.

- Right.
- [Knocking]

Come in, Howard.

- Hi, Bob and Emily.
- Hi,jer.

Ferry, you okay?

Oh, I'm fine.just fine.

1%}
nub?

- Have you been drinking?
-Yeah.

I didn't think that much.

No.jerry, there is something wrong
with the drapes.

- Bob was just gonna take care of it.
- Oh, good.

- You know, if something's wrong,
you really have to... - Ooh!

Call yourself
and straighten it all out.

Otherwise you just lose the respect
of everybody around you.

Jerry, have you fired Debbie?

You're really gonna
hate me for this, Bob.

No. No, I didn't.

You wanna know something I was really
looking forward to tomorrow morning?

I was really looking forward
to coming into the office...

and seeing anybody but Debbie
sitting in that chair...

and being called anything
but Dr. Ryan.

Bob, why don't you just tell me
what time you're coming into the office...

and I'll sit in that chair
and call you anything you want?

No,jerry.
You're gonna call the agency.

Look,jerry, you know, I thinkyou could
do it if you thought of it this way.

You're not firing Debbie. You know,
you'rejust firing her agency.

You don't have to say
anything bad about her...

just that her services
are no longer required.

And,jerry, you don't
even have to give them a reason.

- Hey, that's good thinking, Emily.
- Yeah, I know.

I'm good at telling people
what to say on-

[Phone Clattering, Dings

- Uh, Bob?
- I'll talk.

Oh, no, no, no. I can talk.
I just can't dial.

[Dialing]

It's ringingJeFW-

I hope they don't answer.

Oh, uh, hello? Yes.

I'm calling in reference to one of
your girls who's working in our office...

Miss Debbie... Flett.

Um, her services
are no longer required.

Oh, no. You see, Emily says
that I don't have to give you a reason.

- I have to give them a reason.
- She stinks.

- I can't say that.
- Make something up.

[No Audible Dialogue]
Uh,yeah.

Here's the thing.
We're closing down our office tomorrow.

We're going on this big
three-day medical picnic.

See,
they're not buying that.

Jerry, see if they'll
buy the truth.

Yeah, uh, here's the thing.

Uh, she'sjust
not working out.

You'rejust gonna have to
call her at home...

because we can't have her
come into the office tomorrow.

Well, thank you very much.
Uh, certainly.

My name
is Dr. Robert Hartley.

- Uh, Debbie?
- Oh, good morning, Dr. Ryan.

[Chuckles]

You're, uh-
You're still here.

Yes. I work here.
I'm the receptionist.

Your, uh- Your agency tried
to get ahold of you last night.

Oh. Well, there's no way
they could've.

My phone's been disconnected.
Silly old me.

I forgot to pay my phone bill.

[Chuckles]

Imagine that.

Do, uh- Do they have
your number here at the office?

Yes. it's 882-

De- De- Debbie,
I know the number here.

- Oh.
- They might try to get ahold of you.

Oh. Oh, Dr. Ryan!

There's some old people
in your office.

L-I know, Debbie. They're-
They're my old people.

- They're supposed to be in there.
- Oh.

There's a whole bunch
of them.

- Hello.
- Hello.

Hello. I'm Debbie.

- Would anyone like anything?
- I'd like a job.

- How about some coffee?
- Yeah, I'd like some coffee too.

Oh, that's easy.
One, two, three, four, five.

Would you like anything,
Dr. Ryan?

- I'm- I'm one of the five.
- Good. Then you can have the extra one.

Isn't she well-groomed
and considerate?

I'd fire her.

I see we'rejust as nasty
this week as we were last week.

No. As a matter of fact,
I feel much better about myself today.

Well, that's- that's good, Mr. Vickers.
Why don't we start with you?

Uh, now, have- have you talked
to your-your, uh, son...

about going back with the firm
as a consultant?

Yes, and he offered me a job
as ajanitor.

Oh.

And I'm going to take it
and bug his office.

If everything goes right,
I'll have enough evidence against him...

to have him thrown in the slammer
for the rest of his life.

Well, that's not exactly
constructive, Mr. Vickers.

Well, ifit makes him happy.

Well, does- does anyone have
any good news to report?

Oh, uh, my daughter
and son-in-law...

are flying me out to San Francisco
next week to stay at their house.

- Oh, well, that's good news.
- Yeah.

I get a chance to babysit their kids
while they go to Europe.

I had the most depressing week
of anybody.

I just turned 35.

You know, Mr. Carlin,
I don't think it's fair of you...

to keep reminding us
of how young you are.

Oh, yeah? Who was at
your last birthday party?

- Oh, a few friends. Why?
- The only person at my party...

was a hamster,
and he had to be there.

I own him.

He looked really stupid
in that little hat.

Listen, I-l think
we could use something...

to brighten our spirits,
and I havejust the thing.

I hope she's not
going to sing.

Now, this is a letterl wrote
to my boss at the supermarket...

where I really
lay it on the line...

and I would like Dr. Hartley
to read it.

Uh- “Dear sir, may- may I come in
five minutes late next Thursday?

I swear on a stack of Bibles
it will never happen again.“

- Th-That's it?
- Do you think that's too tough?

I think we're gonna learn that
we have to assert ourselves...

and eventually,
people will give us...

the consideration
that- that we deserve...

re-regardless of our ages.

Excuse me. Dr. Ryan...

I came in to say good-bye.

My- My agency called,
and I've been fired.

- Oh, no!
- Where's the coffee?

Waita minute.
How did that happen?

I don't know.
The darnedest thing.

Somebody named Dr. Hartley fired me,
and I don't even know who he is.

- We know who he is. - He's the gentleman
over there with the forked tongue.

So, I don't think any of this
would have happened...

ifit hadn't been for
the Roosevelt administration.

I worked in Washington
during Franklin Roosevelt's first term...

even though I wasn't
a Republican.

Of course,
I was cute then, and young...

and so people didn't mind
the mistakes I made.

- Now I'm just a fill-in girl.
- So what? You're still a person, aren't you?

- Well, uh, Mr. Carlin, this has nothing to do...
- Well-

with Debbie being a person.

It's just that I've been-
I've been very busy lately.

I've had a- I've had
a lot of work...

and, um, it just
wasn't working out.

I mean, I'm-
I'm not a bad guy.

Even a nice guy can forget
to take time to care for someone else.

I guess you're right,
Mrs. Della Vella.

She is right, A person has to take
the time to stop and smell the roses.

Wouldn't it be a shame if what happened
to my husband happened to you?

- What happened to him?
- He died.

That would be a shame.

It was because he worked too hard
and didn't stop to smell the roses.

And I never could
understand that.

He was a florist.

Yes, but you have to appreciate
my position, Mrs. Chaney.

I mean, uh, there was a question of...
ineptness.

Perhaps if you had worked with her,
she mighfve become “ept.“

Did you ever take the time
to show her where things are?

Maybe you could make
a map of the office for her.

Put cardboard footprints
on the floor for her to walk in.

Just be careful they
don't lead to the windows.

You could put numbers
on things, you know.

Her desk
could be number one.

- Your office could be number two,
and so on and so on. - Right.

Boy, they're old, but they sure do
make you stop and think, don't they?

No,you're-
you're right, Mr. Carlin. Um-

I really, uh,you know,
hadn't thought about it.

If, uh- If Debbie
was giving me a problem...

I-I guess I should've stopped
and worked with her.

And that's, uh- That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

You mean she's rehired?

- Yes.
- Let her get us some coffee.

- Debbie, would-would you mind?
- Not at all.

That was five,
wasn't it?

- Right.
- Right.

You know, I'm- I'm really
very proud of you...

because not only were you right,
but you convinced me that you were right.

One.

Door Closes 1

But I think the best thing
that happened here...

was that, uh, y-y-you
put yourself in Debbie's shoes.

Two.

- [ Door Closes]
- Why- Why'd I let you talk me into this?

Hi- Hi, Carol.

Bob.

- How- How was the funeral?
- It was a pleasure compared to this.

- What happened?
- Don't worry about it, Carol.

Just try to get it straightened
out by- by the end of the day.

Yeah, by-
by the end of the month.

- [ Phone Ringing]
- Dr. Hartley's office.

“Dr. Hartley.“
That sounds so good.

- Smitty's Drapery Nook?
- Oh, thank you.

Hello? Hi, Smitty.
Yeah, e-everything worked out fine.

We- We never close
those drapes anyway.

Yeah, a girl named Debbie
did used to work for me.

Why?

Well, th-that was very nice of her
to put me down as a reference. Uh-

Let me put it this way, Smitty. I- I think
she'd be perfect for your company.

Not at all.
It's my pleasure.

[ Mews]