All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s01e18 - The Two Loves of Dr. Hartley

It's just amazing.
I mean, nothing fits me anymore--

my dresses, my belts,
my stockings.

Well, of course, Mrs. Walker,
you've lost almost 5O pounds.

Even my earrings are loose.

And to think I owe it all to you, Bob.
You've made me lose my appetite.

Thank-Thank you, Mrs. Walker.

Before I started working with you, Bob,
food was everything to me.

I mean,
it was really my whole life.

You know,
like a juicy corned beef sandwich...

roast chicken and dumplings,
fruit, Danish pastry...

[inhales Deeply]
pies, cakes, malts, sundaes--

- Yea h.
- a baked potato with sour cream and chives...

fresh bread with butter
and honey, biscuits...

ham and sweet potatoes,
roast turkey and dressing--

- You know--
- peaches, cherries, peanut butter...

and... Twinkies.

You know, it's wonderful
that you've gotten over this lust for food.

I think so too, but...

I have a bigger problem now, Bob,
and I don't seem to be able to handle it.

Well, I wonder if we could hold it until
our next session, because our time is almost up.

I love you, Bob.

[Clears Throat] Gee, I wish you'd, uh,
brought that up at the beginning of the session.

Well, I wanted to, but I had to
get all that food out of the way first.

Bob, you took care of me
when I was fat and ugly.

My husband was embarrassed to be seen
with me because I was so much bigger than him.

I had no one-- only you.

You're beautiful, Bob,.

Well, thank you, Mrs. Walker, but,
of course- of course, this isn't real love.

This is transference, and it very often
happens between a doctor and a patient.

And in our next session,
we can discuss how to handle it.

Don't tell me what love is.

I've been married 12 years,
and this is nothing like that.

This is love.

Well, this may feel
like the real love...

but this is this kind of love.

- Do you understand what I mean?
- [Whimpering]

I guess-- I guess you don't.

- [Buzzing]
- Excuse me.

- Yes?
- [Carol On Intercom] Mr. Phillips is here.

- Thank you.
- Please don't send me away like this.

Well, I'll tell you what.
After Mr. Phillips leaves...

I have a free hour,
and we can talk then.

- How do you feel now?
- Very hungry.

I know what I'll do.
I'll wait for you across the street.

- What-- What's across the street?
- A new 84-flavor ice cream place.

No. No.
You're gonna come with me.

- Where are we going?
- I'm gonna put your mouth in a safe place.

- Uh,jerry, listen.
- Ah. Look at this retainer, Bob.

Like a piece of sculpture-
a work ofart.

And where is it gonna end up?
In a museum with my name under it?

No. In a mouth
with a tongue under it.

- Jerry, listen. I got a problem.
- Okay, Bob.

Just hop in the chair here,
and we'll talk about it.

No,jerry. It isn't my problem. Listen.
I need a favor, and it's an emergency.

- Oh.
- How long does it take to clean a lady's teeth?

- Half an hour.
- Can you do it twice?

- What's she been eating? - Nothing yet, but
I want you to keep her here for an hour.

Okay.

Jerry, this is one of my patients.
This is Mrs. Walker.

[Jerry] Hi. Hop right in.

Put your little feet
up there. There you go.

[Singsong]
Okay.

My, you're a big one.

Okay. Open wide, please.

My, what a lot of teeth.
This looks like it's gonna take a long time.

I'm so glad we worked all of that out.
I really feel so much better.

My head's straight. My teeth are clean.
I just feel wonderful.

Well, I feel good too, and I'm glad
you understand it isn't real love--just transference.

A lot of my women patients experience it--
even some of the men too.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Walker.
I'm glad you're still here.

I just finished developing your X-rays.
Your teeth are perfect.

- Your hand and your foot are okay too.
- [ Elevator Bell Dings]

- I just have one more thing to say.
- What's that?

You can call it whatever you like,
but I'm still in love with you.

What-- What do I owe you
for cleaning her teethJerry?

The rest of that story.

- Hi, honey. I'm home.
- [Emily] /'// be there in a minute, dear.

Honey, can you hurry up?
I'm starved.

I can't believe
how much food I listened to today.

Em-Emily, is that you?

Yeah. Uh, can you help me?

- I can try.
- My zipper got stuck.

- [ Smooching] Glad you're home. - Honey, you
need a shoehorn for your head. You know that?

- Hi there.
- Hi.

- Well, what kind of clay did you have?
- You don't wanna hear about it.

Oh, well, we'll have a nice dinner,
and then you'll forget about it.

- Good. Where are we gonna eat?
- I made a reservation for us at the Rack of Beef.

The first time I called, they said
they wouldn't have a table for two hours...

sol pulled out the old Dr. Hartley routine,
and we'll have a nice table in 15 minutes.

Emily, I wish you wouldn't do that.
I'm just a Ph.D.,you know.

Oh. Well, I'll call them,
and I'll tell 'em you're a Ph.D...

and then you can eat in two hours
with all the other Ph.D.s.

I guess you're right.

You know what I had there once
that was really delicious?

An omelet
with those little meatballs.

- Little meatballs sound good.
- Yeah.

- [ Phone Ringing]
- Oh.

Hello?

What can I do for you, Mrs. Walker?

[Sighs]
Yes. I know you love me.

But as we discussed in the office,
that's a different “flove.“

[Clears Throat]

Well, it's a different kind
of “flove“ from--

from the other kind of“flove.“

It's not a real “flove.“

Well, what are you feeling now?

Don't do that, Mrs. Walker.
Put down the Twinkie.

All right.
I'll see you tomorrow.

Right. Good-bye.

Now, wh-what were you saying
about those little meatballs?

Emily, why are you taking off your coat
while I'm putting mine on?

Because while you were on the phone,
I got a little warm.

- You were listening.
- [ Mock Chuckle]

Well, it's hard not to listen
when your husband is on the phone...

with someone who “floves“ him.

Kind of catches your ear, you know?

Emily, why are we talking about this?
It's not real love.

- It's transference. It happens all the time.
- Mm.

- It's like an occupational hazard.
- Mm-hmm.

Well,just think of me
as a rock star, with fans.

I can't.

Emily, what Mrs. Walker
feels for me is nothing.

I mean, the same thing
happens to you in your work.

When a kid stays after school to clap erasers,
it's because he wants to be close to you.

Bob, that is an eight-year-old child.

When a grown woman wants to
clap your erasers, that's a little different.

Emily, put on your coat.

We'll go have dinner, we'll talk about it,
and then we'll forget about it.

Okay. I guess
it was a little silly of me...

but, you know, for a minute there,
I did have a little twinge of jealousy.

- But it's all gone now.
- Good.

I think I just had another twinge.

- What does she look like?
- When-- When Mrs. Walker first came to me...

she was very, very fat.

What does
she look like now, Bob?

Not bad.

Oh, I just had my third twinge.

Em-Emily, sit down.
Now I wanna straighten this out right now.

I mean, I know it's important to you,
and it's important to me...

and I know
I can make you understand. [ Exhales]

I love you more
than anything in the world.

I mean, I have never
loved anyone this much...

and I never will
love anyone this much.

- I mean, now-- Does that reassure you?
-just keep talking.

I'll tell you
when you get there.

- Ready to go, Bob? It's 6:00. - Yeah,jerry.just
packin' up some things to take home.

Boy, this is gonna be some terrific game tonight.
The teams are so evenly matched.

Did you know the Vegas odds are 6-to-5,
take your pick, or 7-to-5, with halfa point?

You know,
I've never understood that.

It's easy to explain, Bob. You want to bet
on tonight's game, right?

- Okay. You be you; I'll be Vegas. - Somehow
I figured you were gonna be VegasJerry.

Right. Okay. Now,
let's say you wanna bet $10, right?

No. That's too complicated.
You wanna bet $12.

Okay. If you win, you win $22--
your $12, plus the $1 O I put up.

Now, if I win, I win your $12,
plus the $10 that I put up.

Now, if the odds were 5-to-6,
you'd win just the opposite. [Chuckles]

- Now, if you wanna give or take halfa
point, all you have to do is-- -jerry.jerry.

- Let's just forget Vegas rules, and we'll
play my rules. - Uh-huh. What's that?

- I'll bet you a quarter.
- Okay.

But if I win, you owe me 3O cents.
[Laughs]

Listen, uh, watching the game tonight at
your place is gonna be okay with Emily, isn't it?

I mean, it's not gonna be like last time?
She's cool, huh?

Oh,yeah. We talked it all out.
I get to watch MondayN/ght Footba/L.

and she gets all-new furniture
for the apartment.

- Sounds reasonable.
- Yeah. Oh, Howard's gonnajoin us tonight.

- Oh, fine, terrific. I'll follow you home, right?
- Fine.

- Okay.
- [ Elevator Bell Dings]

Oh, Dr. Hartley, I'm so glad
you're still here. I-- I just have to talk to you.

Well, I was on my way home.
Uh,jerry, you remember Mrs. Walker.

- Sure, sure. No cavities.
- I'm sorry to bother you like this...

but I didn't know where else to go--
who to talk to.

Oh, uh, Bob, why don't I wait for you
downstairs, huh?

No,jerry. Wait.
This won't take very long.

It'll only take a couple minutes,
won't it, Mrs. Walker?

Well, I don't know.
My husband and I split up tonight.

- Oh.
- Yes.

I told him about us.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

I have to talk to you.

Uh, I'll tell you
what you do,jerry.

Why don't you go home and tell Emily
I'll be a couple minutes late.

Right. Sure, Bob. Right.
Oh, uh, Bob?

What exactly do you want me to tell Emily
that you're gonna be, you know, doing?

- Working.
- Right! Right. Sure, Bob.

Bob]
Won't you come in, Mrs. Walker?

Ahh. Everything smells so great.
What's in here?

- Uh, Emily, would you do me a favor?
- Sure, Howard.

- Would you please hand me the potholder?
_ Oh"

Ow! Boy, it's hot.

Oh, my favorite. Knockwurst.
Oh, that's great.

And beans.
Don't tell me. Don't tell me.

Oh. [ inhales]
Sauerkraut.

And peanuts and beer.
Oh, I haven't had food like this...

since we ran out of gas
over Stuttgart.

Well, that won't
be a problem tonight, Howard.

Oh,you know, Emily...

you are a wonderful wife,
and if I ever get married again...

which I neverwill,
I'd like to marry a girl just like you.

Oh, Howard,
that is so sweet.

- [ Phone Ringing]
- Excuse me, Howard.

- Hello?
- Emily, this is Bob.

Yeah, I know.
I recognize your voice.

- Yeah. I'm at the office.
- [ Emily] Oh, really? Still, honey?

- The game's gonna start in just about 1 O minutes.
- I--I know.

- I know. I was delayed, and I, uh--
- [Mrs Walker Crying]

- I think I may be here for a little while.
- [Crying Continues]

Bob, is that somebody
crying in the background?

- Yes.
- [ Emily] Who is it?

- One of my patients.
- Mrs. Walker?

Uh, yes.

- Bob, why is she crying?
- Emily, I can't go into that right now...

and I'll be home
as soon as I can...

which may be a little late.

All right, Bob. All right.

That was Bob, huh?
I hope everything's all right.

Yeah. He's at the office.
He won't be here for a while.

That's okay. We'll save him a knockwurst
and a few beans.

Oh, Howard,
Howard, Howard...

I need to talk to somebody
in the worst way.

Oh, Howard.

You're not going
to be sick, are you?

No. I'm just so miserable
and mixed-up and confused.

I mean, I know there's no reason for me
to think that there's anything wrong...

but there's just something
stuck in the back of my head, and--

Oh, Howard, I am so confused,
I don't know what to do.

- Oh, Howard.
- Oh, well, you wanna talk to somebody.

Let me see. Who can we get?
Maybe my mother's at home.

Howard, I wanna talk to you.

Oh, you wanna talk to me?
I mean, Emily, you never talk to me.

Well, Howard, it's silly.

I mean, I know it's silly,
but I'm mixed-up and confused...

because there's this woman, see.

There's a woman?

Who's in love with Bob.

Oh!

Oh, uh, Emily.
are you sure you wanna talk to me?

I mean, I'll be glad
tojust forget everything you said.

I mean, Bob tells me a lot of things,
and I forget them.

- What has Bob told you?
- Well, uh...

he never told me
he fell in love with another woman.

I would've remembered that.

Well, I know that.
I mean, that's what's so silly.

I mean, I know
I have nothing to worry about...

but I keep seeing Bob
in his office with this woman.

Oh, what makes you think
Bob would be doing a thing like that?

- Because he told me.
- Oh.

But, Howard, that isn't the stupid part.

The stupid part is
that I imagine he's making love to her.

Oh, I don't believe that.
I mean, not for a second.

I mean, the most important game's
about to start on television...

and Bob wouldn't miss that
for anything in the world!

Howard,you know Bob. I mean,
do you think I have anything to worry about?

- What do you think?
- What do I think?

What do I think? Uh, can I think
about it and tell you tomorrow?

I mean, I don't wanna make a mistake.
This is a big responsibility.

Howard,just tell me your reactionjust
tell me I don't have a thing to worry about.

- How old is Bob?
- Forty.

Yep. That's the age, all right.

I remember when I was 42.
I got through it all right.

- Got divorced and everything.
- Oh, Howard, thanks a lot!

I'm just tryin' to help. I mean, women fall in love
with men in my business too.

I mean, it's really a problem.
They fall in love with the uniform...

and the glamour
and the excitement.

Course, the pilots get the worst of it,
but us navigators have to put up with it too.

I mean, lots of times,you know.

- What do you do when it happens?
-Well, I kind of like it.

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- Ah, you see? That's Bob.

I told you it was in your head, and you had
nothing to worry about. I mean, absolutely--

- Hi.
- Why aren't you Bob?

Hi, Emily. Bob was held up a couple minutes.
He's right behind me though.

- Oh, no, he isn't,jerry. He's still at the office.
- You mean he's still there with--

Oh, he had a lot of paperwork,
I think-- checks and bills.

Oh, yeah.
That's right, Emily. Checks and bills.

Jerry, I know why
Bob is still at the office.

Oh.

- Did you tell her?
- No. El Stupo told her himself.

Well, boy, this is gonna be
some terrific game tonight.

Can't wait for this game.
[Whispering] ls Bob really in trouble?

Yeah. She's really been carrying on.
I had to comfort her.

Pretty sticky.

Come on, Emily. Watch the game here.
This is gonna be the best game of the season.

Come on. We'll explain it to ya.
It'll be a lot of fun.

Yeah. It'll help take your mind
off what Bob's doing in his office.

- [Spectators Cheering]
- [Announcer] The crowd is going wild!

Can you believe this? Can you believe this?
Two minutes to go.

The Redskins
could still pull it out!

- [Announcer] Two minutes to go! The Redskins
could pull it out! - Let me get this straight.

If I win, I win $22.".

And if you lose, you lose 1 O.

- Right.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Twelve of the $22 I win are mine.
- Right.

Well, how come when I lose, I lose $12,
and when you lose, you lose I O?

Just trust me, Howard.
Hey, Emily! Emily, come on!

The Redskins are within field goal range.
This is the greatest game I've ever seen!

- [Announcer] A great game!
- Hi, everybody.

- Hi, Bob. - Well, I guess I'll be
going. I gotta get up early tomorrow.

[Howard ] Yeah. I'm, uh,
a little tired myself. [Yawns]

- Is the game over?
- Oh. No, it'll be over in two minutes.

- Then why are you leaving?
- Oh, it's a dull game.

- Yeah.
- What's the score?

It's 28-29.

It looks like the Redskins
are getting in field goal range.

Yeah, well, they'll either get it
or they won't, you know.

Yeah. We can read about it in the paper.
Good night, Emily. Good night, Bob.

[Jerry] Good night, Bob, Emily,
Thanks for the food and TV and- night.

Well, that's funny, isn't it?
They come over here to watch a football game...

and it's a close game,
and they leave with two minutes to go.

How do you explain that? Honey, is there
anything leftover? I didn't have dinner.

There are three knockwursts
and some beans.

I'll have one knockwurst
and three beans.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm sorry I'm late,
but, uh, it really was a rough session.

Hey, the Redskinsjust had a great run.
They could still pull this one out.

Bob, would you mind
if I turn the sound off for a minute?

I'd like to talk to you.

Bob, I am feeling really bad...

and I don't wanna go on
feeling that way, so, uh--

Bob, you havejust spent the evening
with a woman who loves you.

Now, I tried to remember everything
you told me-- that it's my problem...

and that I'm gonna have to learn
to deal with it and work it through...

- and then it won't bother me anymore.
- Right.

But I thought of something
much easier and simpler.

- What's that?
- Get rid of Mrs. Walker.

- What?
- Dump her.

Emily, I can't dump her.
She needs me.

I mean, what we should be talking about
is helping you handle this situation...

'cause it's all your problem.

Yeah, Bob, but if you get rid
of Mrs. Walker, then I won't have a problem.

Well, honey,
there'll always be a Mrs. Walker.

What-What we have to work on
is this jealousy hang-up you have.

Do you think--
You think it goes back to the time...

when your little sister
got a training bra before you did?

Bob, I am not your patient.

Yeah, I'm-- I'm sorry.

Well, honey, I mean,
I consider Mrs. Walker's case a mild case.

Before I met you, there was a-- There was
one woman patient who really had it bad.

She'd send me letters and presents,
and she'd follow me everywhere.

I went skiing one time, and she was
right there on the chairlift next to me.

And it was obvious why she was there.
She wasn't even wearing skis.

I mean, it finally got so bad,
I had to refer her to a doctor friend of mine...

Dr. Landy.

As a matter of fact,
you know her- Shirley Landy.

Bob, are you telling me
I don't have to worry...

'cause one of your doctor friends
married his patient?

Yeah. That didn't
come out right, did it?

All right.
I'll give you another example.

No. That wouldn't
work either.

Bob, I love you...

and that's why it's so hard for me when
you're around other women who love you...

but I guess I'm gonna have to get
used to it because it is your work.

And it's what you're
always gonna do, and--

Oh, I trust you, Bob. I really do.

Emily, I love you...

and there is nothing
in this entire world...

that is more important to me--

A 42-yard field goal,
and the gunjust went off.

The Redskins won.

Oh, Bob!

Oh, I'm sorry, honey.
Now, what were we talking about?

Oh, Bob, I love you.

[Elevator Bell Dings]

- Hi, Carol. Zipping right along there, huh?
- Oh, hi, Emily!

- What are you doing here?
- Oh, I'm having lunch with Bob. Is he in?

No. Well, he's with a patient,
but he'll be through any minute.

Oh, I'll make myself a cup of coffee.

- Oh, no, I don't thinkyou wanna do that.
- No? Why?

Well, that machine is due
for its 5,000-cup checkup.

I don't know. They have to come in
and change the hoses or something.

Even Dr. Arnold complained.
You know him. He'll drink anything.

- Oh, Carol.
- lfee/ just wonderful.

- Same time next week, Mrs. Walker?
- That'll be fine.

Oh, honey, you haven't met Mrs. Walker.
Mrs. Walker, this is Mrs. Honey-- Hartley.

How do you do?
It is really a pleasure to meet you.

May I say
that you have excellent taste in husbands?

Oh, thank you. So do you.

I was telling Bob that my husband and I
got back together again...

and we'rejust so happy
with one another.

- Bye.
- [ Emily] Ooh.

Not as happy as I am,
Mrs. Walker.

[ Mews]