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1
00:00:48,301 --> 00:00:50,508
[Ringing]
2
00:00:57,277 --> 00:00:59,223
Oh. Oh, hello.
3
00:00:59,279 --> 00:01:01,225
It won't be
but just a minute.
4
00:01:04,184 --> 00:01:06,323
Oh, Bob. Uh--
5
00:01:10,557 --> 00:01:12,730
You, uh-- You want me to
clear you for takeoff?
6
00:01:12,793 --> 00:01:17,469
No. No, no, no. I just did my nails.
Could you pick up the phone?
7
00:01:19,466 --> 00:01:22,276
H-Hello?
8
00:01:22,335 --> 00:01:25,714
- Hello?
- No. One hello is plenty, Bob.
9
00:01:25,772 --> 00:01:28,378
They hung UP-
10
00:01:28,441 --> 00:01:31,786
Well, probably wasn't important.
It was my line.
11
00:01:31,845 --> 00:01:33,791
Do I have any messages?
12
00:01:33,847 --> 00:01:37,192
Yeah.just one.
Mr. Carlin's coming to see you in a little while.
13
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:40,424
- He just needs 15 minutes.
- Fifteen minutes? Did he say why?
14
00:01:40,487 --> 00:01:43,593
Mm-hmm. He got mugged
on the way to work...
15
00:01:43,657 --> 00:01:45,694
his stocks went down
five points...
16
00:01:45,759 --> 00:01:49,502
and they found what was left
of his stolen car in Hawaii.
17
00:01:49,563 --> 00:01:52,100
He thinks he's depressed.
18
00:01:53,433 --> 00:01:55,811
L-- I would hope he's depressed.
Give him an hour.
19
00:01:55,869 --> 00:01:59,316
Oh, bless your heart.
Oh, Bob. Listen, Bob.
20
00:01:59,372 --> 00:02:02,410
Before you go into your office,
there's a little something in there...
21
00:02:02,475 --> 00:02:04,887
I better explain
so you don't throw it out by mistake.
22
00:02:04,945 --> 00:02:08,119
- It's not a patient, is it?
- Oh.
23
00:02:11,885 --> 00:02:14,161
Uh, where is it,
and what is it?
24
00:02:18,191 --> 00:02:21,365
- Ta-da.
- What-- What is it?
25
00:02:21,428 --> 00:02:23,408
It's a baby grapefruit, Bob.
26
00:02:23,463 --> 00:02:26,842
I grew it from a seed.
Now, can you imagine what that feels like?
27
00:02:26,900 --> 00:02:29,813
I'm the only mother
it's ever known.
28
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:34,685
Why is it here?
Why isn't it home in its crib?
29
00:02:34,741 --> 00:02:39,747
All my plants do so well in your office.
I guess it's the vibes in here.
30
00:02:39,813 --> 00:02:43,454
I mean, they listen to
your patients' problems and troubles all day.
31
00:02:43,516 --> 00:02:46,463
It makes the plants feel
emotionally superior.
32
00:02:46,519 --> 00:02:50,331
Well, Carol, I'm glad I'm helping out
your leafy friends, but...
33
00:02:50,390 --> 00:02:53,963
don't you think it's getting
a little humid in here?
34
00:02:54,027 --> 00:02:56,303
L-- I can't keep
a crease in my pants.
35
00:02:56,363 --> 00:02:58,309
[Knocking]
36
00:02:58,365 --> 00:03:00,868
- Hey, Bob.
- HxQ/er/JA
37
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:02,880
What are you
gonna do tonight?
38
00:03:02,936 --> 00:03:05,746
- Uh, nothing.
- [Chuckles] That's what you think.
39
00:03:05,805 --> 00:03:08,376
Tonight is Monday,
and what happens on Monday night?
40
00:03:08,441 --> 00:03:10,614
The trash goes out.
41
00:03:10,677 --> 00:03:14,489
- What else?
- I go out with it.
42
00:03:14,547 --> 00:03:18,461
Football, Bob. MondayN/ght Football,
and it starts tonight.
43
00:03:18,518 --> 00:03:20,498
- Hey, that's right. That's fantastic.
- Isn't it?
44
00:03:20,553 --> 00:03:23,693
What are you guys so excited about?
lt'sjust your basic football, isn't it?
45
00:03:23,757 --> 00:03:26,328
Yes, but it's on Monday night.
46
00:03:26,393 --> 00:03:28,395
Jerry, let-- let me
handle this.
47
00:03:28,461 --> 00:03:31,635
See, Carol, Monday is
kind of a bad day for most people.
48
00:03:31,698 --> 00:03:35,111
- Hmm. - I mean, the weekend is over.
The long workweek is starting.
49
00:03:35,168 --> 00:03:38,274
Restaurants are closed.
The theater is dark.
50
00:03:38,338 --> 00:03:40,511
Monday stinks, Carol.
51
00:03:40,573 --> 00:03:42,610
- So?
- Let me put it this way, Carol.
52
00:03:42,676 --> 00:03:45,350
Not many guys askyou out
on dates Monday night, do they?
53
00:03:46,413 --> 00:03:49,087
- Oh,jer, is that why?
- Exactly.
54
00:03:49,149 --> 00:03:53,723
Oh. Now if I canjust figure out
the problem the rest of the week.
55
00:03:53,787 --> 00:03:57,166
See, Carol, MondayN/ght Football
is something we look forward to...
56
00:03:57,223 --> 00:03:59,169
uh, that we enjoy.
57
00:03:59,225 --> 00:04:01,432
It helps us
release our tensions.
58
00:04:02,529 --> 00:04:04,475
No kidding.
59
00:04:04,531 --> 00:04:07,068
You get that from football?
60
00:04:07,133 --> 00:04:09,079
Sort of.
61
00:04:09,135 --> 00:04:11,137
Well, each to his own.
62
00:04:13,940 --> 00:04:15,886
I don't think
she understands, Bob.
63
00:04:15,942 --> 00:04:19,048
I know, but that's as close
as she's gonna get.
64
00:04:19,112 --> 00:04:21,149
I'll tell you what.
Come over to the house...
65
00:04:21,214 --> 00:04:23,490
we'll have dinner,
we'll watch the football game.
66
00:04:23,550 --> 00:04:25,530
Great. But tell Emily
not to go to any trouble.
67
00:04:25,585 --> 00:04:27,690
- Jerry, you're no trouble.
- Thank you, Bob.
68
00:04:27,754 --> 00:04:30,257
Bob, Mr. Carlin's here.
69
00:04:30,323 --> 00:04:32,269
Oh. What, uh--
What kind of shape is he in?
70
00:04:32,325 --> 00:04:36,171
Well, let me put it this way, Bob.
Where does he sit?
71
00:04:36,229 --> 00:04:38,231
Right there.
72
00:04:40,533 --> 00:04:43,446
He's gonna be great
for my grapefruit.
73
00:04:45,505 --> 00:04:48,247
[ Door Opens ]
74
00:04:48,308 --> 00:04:49,912
- Hi, honey.
- Hz; honey.
75
00:04:49,976 --> 00:04:51,922
- HLJerry.
- H1; Emily.
76
00:04:51,978 --> 00:04:54,584
Jerry, you shouldn't have.
- I didn't. Oh, that.
77
00:04:54,647 --> 00:04:56,593
Uh, it's a little something.
78
00:04:56,649 --> 00:04:58,959
Oh, that was
very thoughtful of you.
79
00:05:00,553 --> 00:05:02,965
- Thanks,jerry. Hello, love.
- Hi.
80
00:05:03,023 --> 00:05:06,334
Uh, are we--
are we having company?
81
00:05:06,393 --> 00:05:08,703
No. We're having dinner.
That's for the three of us.
82
00:05:08,762 --> 00:05:11,174
Yeah, but, honey, I told you.
Don't go to any trouble.
83
00:05:11,231 --> 00:05:13,939
Oh, it wasn't any trouble.
I just threw some stuff together.
84
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,412
- [ Bell Ding; ]
- That's the hot salmon mousse.
85
00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:20,150
Hey, Bob,
KickofPs in five minutes.
86
00:05:20,206 --> 00:05:22,311
Right. Uh--
87
00:05:22,375 --> 00:05:25,652
Honey, I know-- I know we were rushed,
and maybe you misunderstood me...
88
00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:28,249
but, uh, I did say, you know,
don't-- don't fuss.
89
00:05:28,314 --> 00:05:32,285
- [ Buzzer Buzzes ]
- Oh. That's the quiche lorraine. No, I didn't fuss.
90
00:05:32,352 --> 00:05:36,095
Man On TV]
Right. It is a beautiful night for the game.
91
00:05:37,290 --> 00:05:39,463
Bob, is that football?
92
00:05:39,526 --> 00:05:42,302
- Bob, come on. They're introducing the
starting lineup. - In a minuteJerry.
93
00:05:42,362 --> 00:05:44,308
It is football.
94
00:05:44,364 --> 00:05:46,310
But today is Monday.
The game was yesterday.
95
00:05:46,366 --> 00:05:49,438
Yeah, this is, um,
Monday Night Football.
96
00:05:50,937 --> 00:05:53,645
Oh, no. Has it been
a year already?
97
00:05:55,341 --> 00:05:57,947
Bob, they're flipping the coin.
You're gonna miss the whole thing.
98
00:05:58,011 --> 00:06:02,118
Right. Honey, I know you put
a lot of thought and effort...
99
00:06:02,182 --> 00:06:05,288
- and energy into this dinner.
- Bob...
100
00:06:05,351 --> 00:06:08,230
are you gonna ask me
if you can eat in front of the television set?
101
00:06:09,789 --> 00:06:12,565
Eventuallyl was gonna
askyou that.
102
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,335
Okay.
103
00:06:17,597 --> 00:06:19,543
Man On TV]
And Miami wins the toss.
104
00:06:19,599 --> 00:06:22,170
Oh, Miami won the toss.
Darn it!
105
00:06:22,235 --> 00:06:26,411
- Why darn it? - Oh, I bet Tupperman five
dollars New York would win the toss.
106
00:06:27,574 --> 00:06:30,714
Uh-- Uh-- Uh-- Uh--
107
00:06:30,777 --> 00:06:33,155
- Uh-- Uh-- Uh-- Uh--
- What?
108
00:06:33,213 --> 00:06:35,853
- Nothing. Nothing.
- Oh. Well, dinner's coming.
109
00:06:35,915 --> 00:06:39,556
Oh, boy. New York'sjust gonna kill 'em--
just gonna rip 'em apart, Bob.
110
00:06:39,619 --> 00:06:42,998
Five dollars. I'll take New York.
You take Miami.
111
00:06:43,056 --> 00:06:45,696
- No. I'll take New York. You take Miami.
- Okay.
112
00:06:45,758 --> 00:06:48,136
Man On TV]
Okay. They're lining up for the kickoff.
113
00:06:48,194 --> 00:06:50,367
Oh, uh-- uh-- uh--
114
00:06:50,430 --> 00:06:52,910
Uh--
[Clears Throat]
115
00:06:52,966 --> 00:06:54,912
Uh, does anybody want
wine with dinner?
116
00:06:54,968 --> 00:06:57,346
Not now, thanks. I'll have a beer
during the commercial though.
117
00:06:57,403 --> 00:07:00,509
Honey, the food is
delicious.
118
00:07:00,573 --> 00:07:04,578
He dropped that beautiful pass.
In his hands, and he dropped it!
119
00:07:04,644 --> 00:07:06,590
Honey, what--
what's the matter?
120
00:07:06,646 --> 00:07:10,423
Oh, I-- I just thought I'd get the beer.
Maybe it'll help me get in the mood.
121
00:07:10,483 --> 00:07:12,724
- [ Whistle Blows]
- Ti me-out.
122
00:07:12,785 --> 00:07:14,992
- UhJerry, excuse me.
- Uh-huh.
123
00:07:18,258 --> 00:07:20,260
Honey, can I talk to you
for a minute?
124
00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:24,138
- Bob, they/re starting again.
- Uh, right after the next time-out or the--
125
00:07:25,498 --> 00:07:28,240
the next commercial,
whichever comes first.
126
00:07:28,301 --> 00:07:32,181
- There's a dog on the field. [Chuckles]
- I can talk to you now.
127
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,642
Watch the clog, j erry.
128
00:07:36,876 --> 00:07:39,117
- What-- What's the matter, honey?
- Well, Bob...
129
00:07:39,179 --> 00:07:41,489
to tell you the truth,
I feel a little left out.
130
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,550
I mean, I don't understand
football that well.
131
00:07:43,616 --> 00:07:46,563
Honey, I don't want you feeling left out.
I'll explain it to you.
132
00:07:46,619 --> 00:07:49,293
Thank you.
133
00:07:49,355 --> 00:07:52,234
- Jerry.
- See, now that's a-- that's a dog on the field.
134
00:07:52,292 --> 00:07:56,172
- Oh. - Emily, what is it exactly you
don't understand about football?
135
00:07:56,229 --> 00:07:59,176
What do they do
with the ball?
136
00:08:00,767 --> 00:08:04,544
- What? - Well, a man takes the ball,
and he puts it between his legs...
137
00:08:04,604 --> 00:08:09,246
and then another man wipes his hands
on a towel, and then they all hide the ball.
138
00:08:10,843 --> 00:08:13,517
Well, you have to watch for it.
See-- See the guy running?
139
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,526
- Now he-- he has the ball.
- Well,which one?
140
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:18,722
They're all running. I mean,
even the men in the striped shirts are running.
141
00:08:18,785 --> 00:08:21,925
- Ooh!
- He isn't running anymore.
142
00:08:23,189 --> 00:08:25,795
See, the bail is under
that big pile of guys there.
143
00:08:25,858 --> 00:08:30,034
Well, that's what I like about basketball.
You can always see the ball.
144
00:08:30,096 --> 00:08:33,202
Yeah, but, honey, that big pile of guys
knew who had the ball.
145
00:08:33,266 --> 00:08:35,212
- How come you didn't?
- Hey, hey, hey, Bob.
146
00:08:35,268 --> 00:08:38,511
Maybe it's a bit like teaching
your own wife how to drive. Let me try.
147
00:08:38,571 --> 00:08:41,518
Emily, they're gonna start soon.
See the ball on the field there?
148
00:08:41,574 --> 00:08:44,612
- Yes. That man has it. The one who's bending over.
- Right. Good.
149
00:08:44,677 --> 00:08:47,954
Now, the man standing behind the man
bending over is called the quarterback...
150
00:08:48,014 --> 00:08:49,891
- and he always gets the ball first.
- Uh-huh.
151
00:08:49,949 --> 00:08:53,055
The ball's snapped. quarterbacks got the ball.
He's handing off to Number 31.
152
00:08:53,119 --> 00:08:55,963
Number31 is handing off to Number 49.
Except he didn't! It's a fake.
153
00:08:56,022 --> 00:08:58,559
Number31's got it,
and he's bringing it around the end. Go on.
154
00:08:58,625 --> 00:08:59,933
- Get him.
- Go on.
155
00:08:59,993 --> 00:09:01,438
- Get him.
- Go on.
156
00:09:01,494 --> 00:09:02,905
- Get him!
- Go on.
157
00:09:02,962 --> 00:09:05,135
Touchdown!
158
00:09:05,198 --> 00:09:08,907
- Fluke.
- Uh, I still don't see the ball.
159
00:09:08,968 --> 00:09:11,881
Well, that's because
they threw it up into the stands there.
160
00:09:11,938 --> 00:09:14,043
- Well, why?
- Because they're happy.
161
00:09:14,107 --> 00:09:17,054
Well, how can they play
without a ball?
162
00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:20,580
They'll get the ball back. See the usher
in the stands chasing the kid with the ball?
163
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,649
- Uh-huh.
- Go on, kid. Go on, kid.
164
00:09:22,715 --> 00:09:25,127
- Go, kid. Go!
- Go on, kid. Go on, kid.
165
00:09:25,184 --> 00:09:28,028
Oh! He should have lateraled
to his friend there.
166
00:09:28,087 --> 00:09:31,034
He should have gone in the tunnel
instead of for the stairs.
167
00:09:31,090 --> 00:09:36,665
- Yeah.
- Boys, you got yourselves a dumb game there.
168
00:09:36,729 --> 00:09:39,005
Man On TV]
And now back to play.
169
00:09:43,403 --> 00:09:45,713
- Hey, Bob. Wasn't that fantastic last night?
- Yeah. Great.
170
00:09:45,772 --> 00:09:47,877
Really great.
[Clears Throat]
171
00:09:47,940 --> 00:09:49,510
Oh, yeah.
172
00:09:49,575 --> 00:09:51,577
Yeah.
173
00:09:53,179 --> 00:09:55,125
Thank you, Bob.
174
00:09:55,181 --> 00:09:57,718
- Listen, maybe we can do it
again next Monday, huh? - Sure.
175
00:09:57,784 --> 00:10:00,788
Uh, I hope that Emily
wasn't, uh-- you know.
176
00:10:00,853 --> 00:10:05,097
- No, no. She very often goes
to bed at 8:30 at night. - Oh.
177
00:10:05,158 --> 00:10:08,435
Listen. Tell her that next Monday night
I'm buying the dinner.
178
00:10:08,494 --> 00:10:10,531
- I'll bring over a barrel of chicken.
- Great.
179
00:10:10,596 --> 00:10:13,008
- [Intercom Buzzes]
- Yeah, Carol.
180
00:10:13,066 --> 00:10:15,046
- Emily on two, Bob.
- Thank you.
181
00:10:15,101 --> 00:10:17,911
- Tell her I want to thank her.
- Uh, honey?
182
00:10:17,970 --> 00:10:20,712
- Jerry says to thank you.
- Tell her the dinner was sensational.
183
00:10:20,773 --> 00:10:23,219
He says the dinner
was sensational.
184
00:10:23,276 --> 00:10:25,916
Tell her that next Monday night
I'm buying the barrel of chicken.
185
00:10:25,978 --> 00:10:30,518
- Am I in the way hereJerry?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
186
00:10:30,583 --> 00:10:33,587
Emily? Sensational
just isn't the word for it.
187
00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:37,260
And I'm buying the dinner next Monday.
What do you like? Breasts or thighs?
188
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:41,001
She wants you, Bob.
189
00:10:43,396 --> 00:10:46,036
Yeah. Hi, honey.
190
00:10:46,099 --> 00:10:49,945
Well, of course it's every Monday.
That's why it's called MondayN/ght Football
191
00:10:52,672 --> 00:10:55,778
Well, I, uh--
I can't talk right now.
192
00:10:57,977 --> 00:11:01,618
Well, there's a-- there's
a person in the office.
193
00:11:01,681 --> 00:11:03,752
WelLJerry counts
as a person.
194
00:11:06,085 --> 00:11:08,463
Now there are
two people in the office.
195
00:11:08,521 --> 00:11:10,501
And a lot of plants.
196
00:11:10,556 --> 00:11:12,832
Excuse me, Bob.
Mrs. Walker is waiting.
197
00:11:12,892 --> 00:11:16,465
Honey, I got a patient waiting now.
Yeah. It's getting awfully crowded.
198
00:11:18,231 --> 00:11:21,474
Well, I, uh--
I can't talk right now.
199
00:11:21,534 --> 00:11:24,071
We'll talkwhen I get home.
200
00:11:25,471 --> 00:11:28,008
Right. Right.
Good-bye.
201
00:11:31,177 --> 00:11:33,179
Right.
202
00:11:35,014 --> 00:11:37,016
Good-bye.
203
00:11:41,220 --> 00:11:43,200
Right. Right.
Goo-- Goo-- Good-bye.
204
00:11:43,256 --> 00:11:45,827
Good-bye.
205
00:11:45,892 --> 00:11:48,463
She was giving you a little heat there,
wasn't she, Bob?
206
00:11:48,528 --> 00:11:51,873
No, no. She'sjust--
just a little hot.
207
00:11:51,931 --> 00:11:55,208
It's my fault. I shouldn't have come over last night.
I won't come next Monday.
208
00:11:55,268 --> 00:11:59,978
HeyJerry. I'm not gonna feel guilty
because I invited a friend over to watch football.
209
00:12:00,039 --> 00:12:02,679
Oh. Well, Bob.
I can understand.
210
00:12:02,742 --> 00:12:05,313
See, uh, my brother
has the same problem.
211
00:12:05,378 --> 00:12:07,380
His wife won't let him
watch roller derby.
212
00:12:07,447 --> 00:12:09,449
Jerry.
213
00:12:09,515 --> 00:12:12,496
I don't have any problem.
I'm gonna watch football next Monday night.
214
00:12:12,552 --> 00:12:14,691
I mean, my wife
doesn't tell me what to do.
215
00:12:14,754 --> 00:12:16,700
I mean, really.
216
00:12:16,756 --> 00:12:18,793
Oh, I believe you.
217
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,066
-I mean, really.
- I believe you, Bob.
218
00:12:24,130 --> 00:12:27,907
Listen. I've got two tickets to the White Sox game
Friday night. You want to come?
219
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:31,039
Gee, the-- the timing's
a little badJerry.
220
00:12:31,103 --> 00:12:35,916
Ah. I understand. They're my brother's tickets.
His wife wouldn't let him go either.
221
00:12:37,109 --> 00:12:39,111
Door Closes 1
222
00:12:41,247 --> 00:12:43,557
- Hi, honey.
- Hello.
223
00:12:46,419 --> 00:12:48,365
Whew. I'm beat.
224
00:12:48,421 --> 00:12:52,164
Boy, those Tuesday night group sessions
really take it out of me.
225
00:12:52,225 --> 00:12:54,364
We went through five boxes
of Kleenex.
226
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,808
Imagine that.
A five-box night.
227
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,866
Sit down and eat.
228
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:03,981
- Thanks.
- So, you're really tired, huh?
229
00:13:04,036 --> 00:13:08,246
- Exhausted.
- Good. That probably means I'll win this argument.
230
00:13:08,307 --> 00:13:10,548
What-- What argument?
231
00:13:10,610 --> 00:13:13,147
You may not know it, Bob,
but we're having an argument.
232
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:16,924
Honey, I've been involved
in a lot of arguments tonight.
233
00:13:16,983 --> 00:13:18,929
Uh, can you remind me
which one this is?
234
00:13:18,985 --> 00:13:22,364
Well, this is Tuesday night.
You're having your dinner at I O:OO...
235
00:13:22,421 --> 00:13:24,662
because you have
group therapy on Tuesday.
236
00:13:24,724 --> 00:13:27,728
Now, Wednesday you go to the clinic.
Thursday I take a class.
237
00:13:27,793 --> 00:13:29,773
Friday we're both tired.
238
00:13:29,829 --> 00:13:32,571
Saturday, football.
Sunday, football.
239
00:13:32,632 --> 00:13:36,102
And now Monday night,
football.
240
00:13:36,168 --> 00:13:40,014
- Oh.
- And I do not feel like sharing my Monday nights...
241
00:13:40,072 --> 00:13:42,143
with you and Howard Cosell.
242
00:13:44,477 --> 00:13:46,423
Honey, you-- you make
a good case.
243
00:13:46,479 --> 00:13:48,823
L-- I must admit.
You make a very good case.
244
00:13:48,881 --> 00:13:52,556
Oh, Bob. I've been struggling
with this all day.
245
00:13:52,618 --> 00:13:54,757
I mean, it's not that
I want to control you.
246
00:13:54,820 --> 00:13:56,822
It's just that I'm fighting
for my own rights.
247
00:13:56,889 --> 00:14:00,200
Did I say good case?
You make a-- a great case.
248
00:14:00,259 --> 00:14:02,933
Oh, Bob. I knew
you'd understand.
249
00:14:02,995 --> 00:14:06,135
But unfortunately, it's not
as great a case as I make.
250
00:14:08,434 --> 00:14:10,710
And I'm gonna watch
Monday Night Football.
251
00:14:10,770 --> 00:14:13,376
- You're serious, aren't you?
- I'm tired.
252
00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:15,385
Can I have, uh, some dessert?
253
00:14:15,441 --> 00:14:17,387
We've got
a banana cream pie.
254
00:14:18,544 --> 00:14:20,490
I love banana cream pie.
255
00:14:20,546 --> 00:14:23,789
All I want to do is have some banana cream pie,
crawl into bed.
256
00:14:23,849 --> 00:14:26,659
Bob, you can't go to bed.
257
00:14:28,721 --> 00:14:31,361
- Why can't I go to bed?
- Because I'm mad.
258
00:14:31,424 --> 00:14:33,426
Oh, no.
259
00:14:33,492 --> 00:14:36,302
No. You're not gonna
pull the vow out tonight.
260
00:14:36,362 --> 00:14:39,639
Bob, what good is a vow
if you never pull it out?
261
00:14:39,699 --> 00:14:44,011
I mean, we promised each other
we'd never go to bed mad, and I'm mad.
262
00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:51,949
Honey, couldn't you go to bed
happy tonight and mad tomorrow night?
263
00:14:52,011 --> 00:14:53,991
No, Bob. I can't do that.
264
00:14:54,046 --> 00:14:56,890
Well, the vow isn't gonna work anyway
because, uh, I'm not mad.
265
00:14:56,949 --> 00:14:59,589
Oh, you're mad, Bob.
266
00:14:59,652 --> 00:15:01,757
- Really. I'm not mad.
- Yes, you are.
267
00:15:04,724 --> 00:15:07,898
- Hey. I'm not mad.
- Yes, you are.
268
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,871
I am really not mad.
269
00:15:20,039 --> 00:15:22,041
Now I'm mad.
270
00:15:26,946 --> 00:15:29,517
[Vacuum Cleaner Humming]
271
00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:45,031
Emily, it's clean. That's the third time
you've vacuumed this apartment.
272
00:15:45,097 --> 00:15:49,341
If we're not gonna talk,
I might as well do something constructive.
273
00:15:49,402 --> 00:15:51,780
I am perfectly willing
to talk.
274
00:15:51,837 --> 00:15:53,839
Oh, all right.
275
00:15:58,177 --> 00:16:00,179
Well?
276
00:16:00,246 --> 00:16:03,625
Well, it's been so long,
I forgot what the fight was about.
277
00:16:03,683 --> 00:16:08,462
I just thinkyou're being a little selfish
and inconsiderate. That's all.
278
00:16:08,521 --> 00:16:11,730
I mean, you watch football on Saturday,
you watch football on Sunday...
279
00:16:11,791 --> 00:16:15,295
and I don't think it's too much to ask
that we spend our Monday nights together...
280
00:16:15,361 --> 00:16:17,307
and that's what
we're arguing about.
281
00:16:17,363 --> 00:16:20,572
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I-- I remember.
282
00:16:20,633 --> 00:16:23,705
We're arguing about the fact
that I'm a 40-year-old man...
283
00:16:23,769 --> 00:16:27,774
and my wife is telling me what I can
and cannot watch on television...
284
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,320
in my own living room,
in my own house...
285
00:16:30,376 --> 00:16:32,378
in my own life.
286
00:16:32,445 --> 00:16:35,016
Bob, I hate the way
you argue.
287
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,118
You're so casual.
You never yell.
288
00:16:37,183 --> 00:16:39,129
I know why you're saying
I neveryell--
289
00:16:39,185 --> 00:16:41,256
because you want to yell,
but you don't want to yell first.
290
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,357
That's another thing
that infuriates me.
291
00:16:43,422 --> 00:16:45,834
You always thinkyou know why
I'm saying what I'm saying.
292
00:16:45,891 --> 00:16:49,100
- That is not true. And I know why you said that.
- Oh!
293
00:16:51,397 --> 00:16:54,901
All right. All right.
I have a suggestion.
294
00:16:54,967 --> 00:16:57,971
Since we can't seem to yell about
what's bothering us...
295
00:16:58,037 --> 00:17:01,746
we'll write down what's bothering us
on a piece of paper.
296
00:17:01,807 --> 00:17:04,549
Be sort of like yelling
on a piece of paper.
297
00:17:04,610 --> 00:17:07,113
Oh. Fine.
That really sounds fine.
298
00:17:07,179 --> 00:17:10,353
Now, you write all the-- all the things
that are bothering you about me...
299
00:17:10,416 --> 00:17:13,260
and I'll write down all the things
that are bothering me about you.
300
00:17:13,319 --> 00:17:15,629
Bob, I know what to write.
301
00:17:18,057 --> 00:17:20,003
[Mouthing Words]
302
00:17:44,583 --> 00:17:47,359
- Em-- Emily.
- More paper, please.
303
00:18:05,004 --> 00:18:10,010
Uh, operator, is it possible for you to
ring the number that I'm calling from?
304
00:18:11,577 --> 00:18:13,921
Uh, 726-7098.
305
00:18:15,047 --> 00:18:17,049
Thank you.
306
00:18:18,651 --> 00:18:20,653
[Ringing]
307
00:18:26,492 --> 00:18:28,438
[Continues]
308
00:18:29,728 --> 00:18:31,674
[Stops]
309
00:18:31,730 --> 00:18:33,732
Emily.
310
00:18:33,799 --> 00:18:37,303
Yeah. You can come out of the bedroom.
I was wrong, and you were right.
311
00:18:41,640 --> 00:18:44,450
Oh, Bob.
312
00:18:44,510 --> 00:18:47,252
L-- I was wrong about
item 46.
313
00:18:49,982 --> 00:18:53,987
I did leave my socks in the hall...
three years ago.
314
00:18:54,053 --> 00:18:56,158
What about item one?
315
00:18:56,222 --> 00:18:58,600
No. You're-- You're wrong
about that. I'm...
316
00:18:58,657 --> 00:19:00,603
still gonna watch football
on Monday night.
317
00:19:00,659 --> 00:19:04,163
Well, if anybody wants me,
I'll be in the bedroom.
318
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,937
Door Closes 1
319
00:19:09,201 --> 00:19:12,205
[Phone Ringing]
320
00:19:16,008 --> 00:19:18,921
- [ Ringing Stops ]
- [Bob] Emily, come out of the bedroom.
321
00:19:20,679 --> 00:19:22,659
Stop fighting right now...
322
00:19:22,715 --> 00:19:24,661
'cause I have a deal for you.
323
00:19:24,717 --> 00:19:27,960
I will trade you
items two through 46...
324
00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:29,966
in exchange for item one.
325
00:19:30,022 --> 00:19:33,834
- Now that is a great deal.
- Tell you what, Bob. I'll make a deal with you.
326
00:19:33,893 --> 00:19:37,170
I'll trade you items two through 46
if you give me item one.
327
00:19:37,229 --> 00:19:39,835
That's a rotten deal.
328
00:19:39,899 --> 00:19:41,242
Okay.
329
00:19:42,234 --> 00:19:44,236
I'm trying to be
patient with you.
330
00:19:44,303 --> 00:19:46,749
That's another thing I forgot
to put down on the list--
331
00:19:46,805 --> 00:19:49,615
how abnormally patient you are
with me when we fight.
332
00:19:49,675 --> 00:19:51,848
Doorbell Buzzes 1
333
00:19:51,911 --> 00:19:55,256
Are we expecting anybody
at 4:00 in the morning?
334
00:19:55,314 --> 00:19:57,316
No.
335
00:20:04,390 --> 00:20:07,098
- Who is it?
- Somebody with a blue eye.
336
00:20:11,030 --> 00:20:13,567
Uh, Howard has a blue eye.
337
00:20:13,632 --> 00:20:16,704
- Howard, is that your blue eye?
- [Howard] Yeah!
338
00:20:18,504 --> 00:20:20,950
- Hi, Bob. How are ya?
- Hi, Howard.
339
00:20:21,006 --> 00:20:23,577
- “(may guess who' s have?
- Oh.
340
00:20:23,642 --> 00:20:25,849
Well, ifit isn't Howard.
Hi, Howard.
341
00:20:25,911 --> 00:20:28,949
- I thought you were in New York, Howard.
- I was.
342
00:20:29,014 --> 00:20:30,960
Howard was in New York, Emily.
343
00:20:31,016 --> 00:20:34,930
Yeah. I was flying home,
and I saw the lights on in your apartment.
344
00:20:34,987 --> 00:20:37,661
You know your lights
are the only ones on for blocks?
345
00:20:37,723 --> 00:20:39,669
I'll be darned.
346
00:20:39,725 --> 00:20:42,399
Well, since you're up,
I, uh, thought I'd stick around.
347
00:20:42,461 --> 00:20:44,839
I got a-- I got a problem.
348
00:20:50,235 --> 00:20:52,237
Got a minute?
349
00:20:54,506 --> 00:20:56,452
Sure, Howard.
350
00:20:56,508 --> 00:20:58,545
[Emily]
Well, to tell you the truth, Howard...
351
00:20:58,610 --> 00:21:01,648
we are having the longest argument
in the history ofour marriage.
352
00:21:01,714 --> 00:21:06,595
No. I-- I think the longest one
was when you wanted to buy a cat.
353
00:21:06,652 --> 00:21:11,465
- Who won that argument?
- You don't see a cat around here, do you, Howard?
354
00:21:13,359 --> 00:21:15,498
You know,
I forgot about that.
355
00:21:15,561 --> 00:21:17,541
Uh, what's the--
356
00:21:17,596 --> 00:21:19,542
What's this argument
about anyway?
357
00:21:19,598 --> 00:21:21,874
Howard, I don't think
you're gonna want to get into it.
358
00:21:21,934 --> 00:21:24,346
Howard, it's very simple.
359
00:21:24,403 --> 00:21:26,440
I want to watch
Monday Night Football.
360
00:21:26,505 --> 00:21:28,610
That makes sense.
A man likes football...
361
00:21:28,674 --> 00:21:30,620
I mean, uh,
that makes a lot of sense.
362
00:21:30,676 --> 00:21:33,589
- What's wrong with that?
- Well, the problem is, Howard...
363
00:21:33,645 --> 00:21:36,524
Bob works late on Tuesday night,
Wednesday night he's at the clinic...
364
00:21:36,582 --> 00:21:39,256
Thursday I take a class,
Friday we're both tired...
365
00:21:39,318 --> 00:21:42,629
Saturday, football, Sunday, football,
and now Monday night, football.
366
00:21:42,688 --> 00:21:44,793
- Do you get the picture?
- Too much football.
367
00:21:44,857 --> 00:21:46,928
- Yeah.
- Ah, that makes sense too.
368
00:21:49,061 --> 00:21:51,769
- Thank you, Howard. You really helped a lot.
- That was a big help.
369
00:21:51,830 --> 00:21:54,436
What's a friend for, you know,
if you can't help one another?
370
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,673
I gotta hand it to you.
You two really argue well.
371
00:21:56,735 --> 00:21:59,579
My ex-wife and I never argued well.
I mean, I won them all.
372
00:21:59,638 --> 00:22:02,380
Except the one about
the alimony payment.
373
00:22:02,441 --> 00:22:06,150
Boy, did she win that one.
Well, look, I can find my way out.
374
00:22:07,813 --> 00:22:09,690
Okay. Where were we?
375
00:22:09,748 --> 00:22:11,989
Item 23, grunting
while exercising.
376
00:22:12,051 --> 00:22:13,997
Now, what's wrong with that?
377
00:22:14,053 --> 00:22:18,695
Bob, to tell you the truth, I'm perfectly happy
living with all the other things...
378
00:22:18,757 --> 00:22:21,795
but when you want to talk about
item one,just let me know.
379
00:22:29,468 --> 00:22:34,144
- [Plane Engines Droning]
- [Machine Guns Firing]
380
00:22:34,206 --> 00:22:37,187
- Is that the news?
- No. It's a war movie.
381
00:22:39,411 --> 00:22:43,188
Want to take a break
and watch somebody else fight?
382
00:22:43,248 --> 00:22:45,785
[Engines Droning
383
00:22:49,188 --> 00:22:53,694
You know, it's amazing how many war pictures
thatjapanese actor's been in.
384
00:22:53,759 --> 00:22:56,137
He always gets shot
out of the sky in every one.
385
00:22:56,195 --> 00:22:59,108
- [Machine Guns Firing]
- [Explosion]
386
00:22:59,164 --> 00:23:01,166
There he goes again.
387
00:23:04,736 --> 00:23:07,979
- Bob.
- [Gunshots On TV]
388
00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,482
Bob.
389
00:23:18,484 --> 00:23:20,486
[ Loud, Deep Voice]
Bob.
390
00:23:21,954 --> 00:23:24,491
- Just resting my eyes.
- Oh.
391
00:23:24,556 --> 00:23:27,400
You broke our vow.
You went to sleep.
392
00:23:27,459 --> 00:23:30,167
I didn't go to sleep.
I fell asleep.
393
00:23:30,229 --> 00:23:34,405
Besides, I didn't even fall asleep.
I just dozed off for a few seconds.
394
00:23:34,466 --> 00:23:36,742
;; [ Instrumental On TV]
395
00:23:36,802 --> 00:23:38,748
What's that?
396
00:23:38,804 --> 00:23:42,149
Just dozed off, huh?
You slept through the entire Second World War.
397
00:23:44,776 --> 00:23:48,724
Oh, Bob. Let's go to bed.
I'm not mad anymore.
398
00:23:50,015 --> 00:23:52,894
- Who won?
- The Americans.
399
00:24:00,425 --> 00:24:02,371
- Who won here?
- I don't know...
400
00:24:02,427 --> 00:24:04,634
and I don't care,
and that's why I'm not mad anymore.
401
00:24:04,696 --> 00:24:08,473
Let's not go into it, 'cause I'll get mad
all over again, and we'll never get to bed.
402
00:24:08,534 --> 00:24:11,481
So lefsjust
forget about it for now.
403
00:24:11,537 --> 00:24:14,416
Okay. But, you know, it's gonna
come up again sooner or later.
404
00:24:14,473 --> 00:24:17,113
- Uh, later.
- Let's go to bed.
405
00:24:18,777 --> 00:24:21,485
- [Click] - [Man On Radio] Good
morning. It's 7:00 in Chicago.
406
00:24:21,547 --> 00:24:23,527
And, oh, what a beautiful
morning it is.
407
00:24:23,582 --> 00:24:26,256
Traffic is moving as well as
can be expected for this hour.
408
00:24:26,318 --> 00:24:29,356
There is a bit of a tie-up
on the northern Michigan Avenue turnoff.
409
00:24:29,421 --> 00:24:31,492
Weather forecast
for Chicago and vicinity--
410
00:24:31,557 --> 00:24:33,503
What do you want
for breakfast?
411
00:24:33,559 --> 00:24:35,505
Lots of coffee.
412
00:24:35,561 --> 00:24:37,632
You want some
banana cream pie with it?
413
00:24:38,997 --> 00:24:41,136
I don't think so.
414
00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:17,036
[ Mews]
34516
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