All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s01e06 - Come Live With Me

- [ Rings]
- Hello?

- [ Knocks]
- You busy, Bob?

No, I'm not, but I should be,
My 2:00 appointment hasn't showed up yet.

You know, I have a theory
about cancellations.

Bob, we've got a bigger problem
than cancellations.

- Oh?
- Carol's not back from lunch yet.

SomehowJerry, I don't think
that's a bigger problem than cancellations.

Bob, she has been gone for two hours.
The phone has not stopped ringing.

And did you know there's a guy sitting
in the reception room waiting for someone?

- Hey, maybe that's your guy.
- What does he look like?

I don't know. Every time I looked at him,
hejust stared at the wall.

That's Mr. Peterson.

I thought I was making progress
with his inferiority complex...

- but I guess I'm not.
- Uh-uh.

Intercom Buzzes]

- Yeah.
- [Carol] Hi, I'm back. Anything new?

Yeah, Carol, there's someone
out there waiting to see me.

Oh, uh, you mean the guy
looking at the wall?

- Yes.
- Should I send him in?

- No, send you in.
- Oh.

Good. Bob, we can't let her
get away with this kind of stuff.

Now we really have to
chew her out.

Hi, Bob.
HLJerry.

[Chuckles] Well, I'd better get going.
I've got a patient.

- Jerry.
- What, Bob?

I thought we were going
to talk to mm-mm.

I'd love to, but there's a kid in my chair.
I'm taking an impression of his teeth.

In three minutes,
his whole mouth turns to cement.

- Bye, Carol.
- ByeJer.

Door Closes 1

Uh, what'd you wanna
talk to me about, Bob?

Uh, Carol, you know
I don't want you to punch the clock.

I mean, I don't mind your
being a few minutes late...

but, I mean, over two hours.

You're right, Bob.

I mean, you've kept
a man waiting out there...

staring at the wall
for over half an hour.

I sure can't argue there, Bob.

I mean, my time is valuable, you know.
I help people.

I can't help them when they're out there.
I can only help them when they're in here.

I'm really, really sorry, Bob.
Is that it?

Carol, I don't want you taking this
chewing out too hard, you know.

Bob, I know I was late,
and it won't happen again.

I'll work late tonight if you want.
Oh, no, can't.

As a matter of fact, I was gonna askyou
if I could leave a little bit early.

Carol, thisjob isn't interfering
with your spare time, is it?

Bob, I have met this man,
and his name is Roger Dixon, Bob.

And he is-- Oh, Bob, Bob--
What can I tell you? He is just so wonderful.

Have you ever been to Yamamotds?
We drove there for lunch.

Roger has one of those
newjapanese sports cars.

Yamamotds parking lot attendants
are the only ones he trusts.

Oh, it's so wonderful, Bob.
It's the most fantastic place.

- I just--
- Carol, excuse me. I've had a shy man...

staring at a wall
for almost an hour out there.

Now, could we discuss
Yamoto's later?

Okay, Bob, I was just sharing
somejoy with you.

But from now on, I'll just try
and separate what happens here...

from the fun part of my life.

Carol.

- Send Mr. Peterson in.
- Right.

Oh, come,
come in, Mr. Peterson.

I didn't mean to keep you waiting,
but I didn't know you were out there.

- Oh, it's my fault.
- No, no.

It's not your fault.
it's somebody else's fault.

No, no, no, it was my fault.
I should have knocked.

But I didn't know
who was in here.

I figured it was someone
more important than me.

I would have been interrupting,
and then you wouldn't like me.

No, Mr. Peterson, I like you,
and I enjoy seeing you...

and I get a lot
out of these sessions.

But, unfortunately,
our time is up.

You know, this is really
very sweet of you, Howard...

but I don't want you to feel
you have to bring us a present...

every time you come back
from an overseas flight.

Well, truthfully,
I hadn't planned to.

But it's pretty hard to talk to a beautiful Danish
shopgiri all day without buying something.

Oh, I see. It was more like
an investment, huh?

Yeah, one that didn't pay off. I picked up
the only religious fanatic in Denmark.

Where is Bob anyway?I mean,
I've got this date waiting in this restaurant.

- He'll be here any minute.
- You know, I think Linda could be the girl.

I mean, she's perfect for me.
She's blonde, willowy, intelligent.

- No roommate.
- [ Door Unlocking]

Ah, finally.

- Bob, where have you been?
- Yeah, where have you been?

I mean, you were supposed
to have been home an hour ago.

Well, I know, but I had
to reschedule a patient...

because Carol was late
coming back from lunch.

- You mean she didn't call?
- No, she didn't.

Oh, great. I'm gonna have to
chew her out again.

Except I can't chew her out
'cause she's never around.

Look, the reservation is for 7:00.
Now get into something casual.

- And please hurry, okay?
- Howard, do I have time to shave?

You don't need to shave.
You look great the way you are-- rugged.

At least I have time for a drink.

I've got this girl waiting in a restaurant bar.
Now will you please hurry?

Howard, if we're a little late,
she'll still be there.

Are you kidding? She won't last there I O minutes.
That's where I picked her up.

Bob, we only have an hour to eat dinner
and still make it to a movie.

Oh, this is great. We gotta rush across town
and shovel food in our mouth...

and then we gotta rush to a restaurant
to have a very relaxing evening...

- all because of Carol.
- Yes, dear.

Would you hurry, please? I'll call her
and tell her we're on our way and to hold on.

Oh, I hate to call her
and call attention to her by paging her.

Well, that's all right.
I'll just describe her to the bartender.

No, that'd be worse.
Oh, well, I'll just risk it.

You know, Bob, you wouldn't
be rushing like this if Carol had only called.

We could have met you
at the restaurant.

I know. You know,
she's really starting to tee me off.

I mean, first a two-hour lunch
and now this.

I mean, when she's going
with a guy, she's irresponsible.

And when she's not going
with a guy, she's depressed.

Why do people have to bring
their personal problems into my office?

Because if they didn't,
you wouldn't have an office.

So, Carol's got a new guy, huh?
What's he like?

All I can tell he's a slow eater.

- Bob, you can take your time.
- Did you get ahold of your date?

No, I missed her
by three and a half minutes.

She left with the bartender.

Well, it's hard to believe,
isn't it, Ronnie.

Your last visit, six years,
it seems like yesterday.

Not to me it doesn't.

You got a great smile now, Ronnie.
And I got the braces off just like I said...

- right before you had to leave for college.
- [ Elevator Bell Dings]

I really appreciate it,
Dr. Robinson.

- Okay.
- Bye.

Bye, Ronnie.

Makes you kind of sad
to see him go, I guess.

Yeah. Well,
it's not just that.

He's going to
the University of Michigan...

on a hockey scholarship.

All that beautiful work...

and one puck.

Yeah.

Have you seen Carol?

No, not this morning, Bob.
She's probably out to lunch.

It's 9:30.

Well, maybe she got an early start
just so she could get back by I :00.

Bob, we've really got to
do something about her.

- Yeah, as soon as I see her, I'll call you.
- Right.

Oh, uh, Bob, not today. I'm really
booked up solid. Maybe you better handle it.

Carol.

Hi, Bob.
I wanna talk to you.

- And I wanna talk to you.
- I got here first, Bob.

- What'd you wanna talk to me about?
- Well, Bob, it's very personal.

Now, at first I thought
I'd talk to Emily, because she's a woman...

but then I figured--
Why be chauvinistic?

And anyway, since you're an expert,
why waste my time with amateurs.

Well, what's--
what's your problem?

My new boyfriend.

He wants me
to move in with him.

Oh.

- What does that “Oh” mean?
-just “Oh.”

Well, do you think I should?

Now, I'm really talking about really
moving in and living with him, Bob.

You know, all my stuff-- a hair dryer,
sterling silver service for one-- everything.

- What do you think?
- It's being done, Carol.

I know it's been done, Bob,
but not by me.

It's a whole new experience,
a guy just asking you to live with him.

When did he askyou?

Oh, well,
he really surprised me.

He just blurted it out
right at the breakfast table this morning.

What did you decide?

It's such a big commitment.

We decided to sleep on it.

But how do you feel
about it, Bob?

Well, the best answer
I could give you is--

How do you feel about it?

[Groans]
Confused.

You know, I'm stuck
between two generations here...

and I don't get
the good parts of either one.

You know, when it comes
to something like this...

a part of me says no,
and part of me says yes.

And the part that says no,
that's the old morality.

That, and the fact
that he's married.

Uh-huh.

Now, Bob, he's not
married married.

No, he is separated married.

Oh, it's all over.
Bob, there are no kids.

He's got his own apartment.
He's really a bachelor.

The tan has even grown back
where his wedding ring used to be.

So, what do you think, Bob?

Well, a lot of people
go with their feelings...

-and, uh, and do it.
- Uh-huh.

And a lot of people go
with their feelings and don't do it.

Uh-huh.

I thinkyou should get in touch
with your feelings, you know.

Examine them, search for them.

Why don't you sit on the couch
and we'll talk about it and search?

Uh, Bob, I don't have time
for the regular treatment.

See, we're gonna have to
wrap this up in one session.

Why?

The rent on my apartment
is due tomorrow.

Well, what do you want me to say, Carol?
That, uh, it's great?

Everything's gonna work out fine?
You're not gonna feel guilty about it?

Oh, that would be terrific.

I mean, no psychologist
in the world is gonna tell you that.

You've got to get in touch
with your feelings.

Yeah.
Thanks a lot, Bob.

- I think I really learned something from
you just now. - Well, thank you, Carol.

I learned I should have gone
to Emily in the first place.

And he cannot do enough
for me, Emily, really.

And I really like him a lot.

And I just realized that I've been
talking nonstop for about an hour.

Well, what do you think?

Carol, I think
I forgot the question.

The question is:
What do I have to lose if I move in with him?

Well, from what you just told me,
absolutely nothing.

Emily, I can't wait for you and Bob
to meet Roger.

Well, we can't wait to meet him.
How about dinner tomorrow night?

Oh, he can't make it tomorrow night.
He's having dinnerwith his wife.

His wife?

Darn, I always forget
to mention that part.

Well, Carol, that does seem
like an important part.

But it's really not, no.
I mean, he's getting a divorce.

And they're only meeting tomorrow night
to divide the dishes.

Oh, I hope he doesn't get
the dirty ones.

Well, I mean,
if he's getting a divorce--

You're absolutely right.

Uh, have you decided yet?

Yes. I'm going to move in
with my boyfriend.

[Phone Ringing]

[Ringing Continues

- Hello?
-[Continues Ringing]

- Hello?
-[Continues Ringing]

Hello?

Oh, uh, Dr. Tupperman?I don't know if he's in.
I haven't seen him today.

Yeah, you see, my secretary
hasn't come back from lunch yet...

and, uh, I don't know
how to work this thing.

Emergency?

All right.
I'll take a message.

Yeah.

Dr. Benton has the flu...

and can Dr. Tupperman
replace him tomorrow?

Ifhe can, tell him to meet
with the other doctors...

at exactly 9:30
at the first tee.

I'll give that emergency
to him, yes.

What, still no coffee?

I almost fell asleep
in a kid's mouthjust now.

- Where is Carol?
- I don't know, Bob.

I think we'd better
have another talk with her.

Jerry, the next time we have a talkwith her,
you be there, all right?

She better have
a pretty good excuse.

- Oh. Oh, hi,jer. Hi, honey.
- Hi,jer.

Carol, you're late and you'd better have
a pretty good excuse.

Oh, now, honey,
don't blame Carol.

We were talking about
some very personal stuff...

and I guess we had
a little too much wine.

Wejust kind of
lost track of the time.

That's not a bad excuse, Bob.

It's a little late.
What smells so good?

Well, I was wondering
what you serve a man...

who isn't quite unmarried...

and a girl
who's a close friend.

I don't know.
I kind of thought spaghetti.

Yeah, that seems right.

Bob, when they get here, don't steer
the conversation in that direction.

- In what direction?
- Well, you know...

discussing his wife, his divorce,
Carol moving in with him.

Honey, that's gonna leave
a big lag between “Hi. How are you?”

and “We gotta do this
again sometime.“

- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- I'll get it.

Oh, hi.
I'm sorry we're late.

- This is Roger.
- Roger, I'm Bob.

Oh, don't touch me-- grease.
I just blew an oil pump.

I don't wanna stain anyone.
Can I use your washroom?

- Oh, sure, it's right in there.
- Thank you very much.

Can I use your other washroom?

My hair's a mess from driving
in that stupid open car.

Oh, sure.

Well, nice party so far.

Bob, what do you think
of Roger?

I never like tojudge a man
until after he washes up.

Well, I thinkl got rid
of most of the dirt.

Uh, listen. I really would like to pay
for those guest towels.

Oh, don't be silly.

That's what guest towels
are for.

- Maybe we-we better start all over again.
- Okay.

- I'm Bob. And this is Emily.
- Hi.

- Hello. Please sit down, Roger.
- Thank you.

Well, uh, Carol's told me
all about you.

Yeah, Carol's told us
all about you too.

[Clears Throat] Actually,
not everythingJust... surface things.

Listen, uh, there's something
I wanna say before we start talking.

I know that you know
I'm separated.

- Oh, we didn't know you knew that.
- Uh-uh.

I mean, we knew
you knew you were separated...

but we didn't know
that you knew that Carol had, uh--

Well, I knew that you knew because,
uh, Carol told me she told you.

Well, I wonder why Carol
didn't tell us she told you.

Oh, because she told me
not to tell you.

Oh, please,
don't tell her I told you.

- Where is Carol?
- Thank you.

She'll be right out.

Oh, you have two, huh?
Nice place.

Yeah, two and a den.

Carol sure is a great girl.

Oh, and a terrific sport.
She's game for anything.

[Both Chuckle]

That's Carol.

Well, like my sports car.
She loves it with the top down.

My wife always complained
that it messed up her hair.

I couldn't stand that about her.

Oh, there.
I feel like a person now.

- Oh, you look lovely, honey.
- Oh, Roger, go on with you.

All right,I will.

Well, I mixed a batch of martinis.
Is that all right?

- Oh, great.
- Well, not for me. I don't drink, Bob.

Oh, could I get you
something else?

- Do you have any bottled water?
- Oh, I'm sorry. We don't.

How about from the tap?

No, thanks. I went swimming
in Lake Michigan last summer...

and I saw what that water
looks like close up.

How about ginger ale?
You ever gone swimming in ginger ale?

That's fine. Thanks.

- What do you do, Roger?
- Well--

Oh, Roger is in
the medical supply business.

Bob, Roger sells
in our very own building.

Is that right?
That's interesting.

Yes, cotton swabs,
gauze, tongue depressors.

If it's for sick people,
we've got it.

- You know your Kleenex is mine?
- Is that right?

- Yeah.
- It pops up every time.

Well, here's to, uh,
here's to you two, uh--

Here's to ya.

- “B“ and
- What?

“B“ and
Bob and Emily.

We had “B“ and “E“
glassesjust like this.

Only, of course,
our “B“ and “E“ glasses...

were “R“ and “D“ glasses
for Roger and Dolores.

Oh. Would you excuse me?

- I just wanna check the dinner.
- Sure.

I'll help. I'll do anything
to get away from that dip.

You know, Bob, I noticed something
the minute I walked in here tonight.

You and Emily, you're so much
like Dolores and me. It's almost scary.

Actually, we're pretty happy.

[ Laughs]
No. I know that, Bob.

I meant when Dolores and I were happy.
I mean, we had some good times too, you know.

Carol's been telling me about good times
you and she have been having.

Oh, yeah, we've had
some great times together.

But it's a different kind
of great time, you know.

I mean, there's nothing
like sharing...

that early struggle
and coming out of it together.

It sounds like your marriage
wasn't too bad.

Well, the first eight years
were okay.

- How long were you married?
- Eight years and two months.

You know, Roger, I've had
a lot of experience in this sort of thing...

- and what you're going through is fairly common.
- Oh?

Yeah, you see, when someone
runs into a problem...

the immediate impulse
is tojust separate, you know.

But if you get back together,
usually you can work it out.

Nuts?

What I'm trying to
say is, uh...

if you want a marriage to work,
you have to give it time and effort.

Uh, ah, Bob...

could I talk to you in the kitchen
forjust a moment, please?

- Sure. Excuse me.
- Thank you.

- Sure.
- Here, munch.

- What are you doing?
- What do you mean?

- What are you doing to Roger?
-just talking.

Do you realize you're going to
drive him back to his wife?

Well, that's a decision Roger's gonna
have to make. I can't make it for him.

- I mean, he has to get in touch with his feelings.
- Oh.

He has to examine them
and he has to feel whatever it is--

Bob! You are not at the office.

Punch out.

Roger is gonna do whatever he's gonna do
regardless of what I tell him.

I mean, I didn't bring up
the subject of Dolores.

- If you wanna change the subject, go ahead.
- Glad to.

Roger, time to eat.

Oh, terrific.
I'm ready.

Well, I hope
you like spaghetti.

- Oh, I love it. I'm used to eating
spaghetti twice a week. - Oh, good.

Yeah, Dolores is Italian,
you know.

- Emily, it was just great.
- Oh, Roger.

Bob, I don't know how to thank you enough.
I mean,you've changed my life.

Listen, it was fun, Roger.

Well, good night.

Carol.

Carol.

I mean, what can we say?

Carol, I just wanna
say two things.

It was not my idea to go for a walk
with Roger after dinner.

I can believe that.

And secondly, it was just a coincidence
that when he came back here...

he had decided
to go back with his wife.

Now that's a little
hard to believe.

I can see how you'd
have trouble with that, yeah.

Bob, look, don't feel bad.
I knew I lost him at the spaghetti anyway.

Oh, Carol,
maybe it's my fault.

I mean, maybe I shouldn't
have served spaghetti.

Maybe I should have served
something more neutral like Swiss steak.

All right, Bob,
can I have a ride home?

Being a good sport's
wearing me out.

Carol, why don't you
stay with us tonight?

Oh, that's a good idea.

I can open the sofa bed
in the den.

Hey, how about that?
Now that's the second time in two weeks...

I've had an invitation
to live with somebody.

This one I'm taking.

What a great lunch. I really wanna
thank you guys for treating me.

Oh, we just wanted to show you
there's no hard feelings, Carol.

- Oh.
- So, when's my next appointment?

Oh, I think it's--
Yeah, it's 1:30, Bob.

But, Carol, it's 2:00 now.

Guess we were having such a great time,
we forgot to look at the time.

Who's it with?

Mr. Peterson.

Mr. Peterson?

Dr. Hartley, I've had it up to here
with your being late.

This is the last time
I'll stand for it.

That's wonderful, Mr. Peterson.
Did you hearyourself?

- You stood up for your rights
and you bawled me out. -l did?

- Yes.
- Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

It's all my fault.
[Continues, indistinct]

[ Mews]