All language subtitles for The Bob Newhart Show s01e02 - Tracy Grammar School, Ill Lick You Yet

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:44,397 --> 00:00:47,503 Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 2 00:00:47,567 --> 00:00:50,605 - Well, I'm really glad you can come. {Knocking} 3 00:00:50,670 --> 00:00:52,707 Could you hold on a minute? Come in! 4 00:00:52,773 --> 00:00:56,721 Major calamity downstairs. Three kids, two cookies. 5 00:00:56,777 --> 00:00:58,779 Oh. Uh-- 6 00:00:58,845 --> 00:01:02,918 Sorry. Well, it should be a lot of fun. 7 00:01:02,983 --> 00:01:06,328 Yeah. Well, I've never done this before either. 8 00:01:06,386 --> 00:01:09,924 Right. 9:30. You know the address. I'll be in my room. 9 00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:14,200 Uh-huh. Well, I imagine it'll only take an hour or so. 10 00:01:16,096 --> 00:01:20,442 What? Oh, sure, you should bring your handcuffs. 11 00:01:22,102 --> 00:01:24,912 Yeah. Bye. 12 00:01:24,971 --> 00:01:27,781 I don't care to hear about any part of this conversation. 13 00:01:27,841 --> 00:01:30,344 - Good. Then I won't tell you. - Well, there is one part. 14 00:01:30,410 --> 00:01:32,356 - What part? - All of it. 15 00:01:32,412 --> 00:01:35,882 It's no big deal, Margaret. I'm in charge of career day at school. 16 00:01:35,949 --> 00:01:38,793 That was a policeman. He's coming to talk to my kids. 17 00:01:38,852 --> 00:01:41,799 And he's gonna bring his handcuffs. 18 00:01:41,855 --> 00:01:46,497 Well, I've got six careers. All I need is a couple more, and I'm all set. 19 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,562 Hey, Margaret. 20 00:01:48,628 --> 00:01:52,667 Why don't you come to career day and tell the kids what it's like to be a housewife? 21 00:01:52,732 --> 00:01:55,975 No. Let them be surprised like the rest of us were. 22 00:01:57,537 --> 00:02:00,313 You know, I really love it injapan. They have these bathhouses... 23 00:02:00,373 --> 00:02:03,752 and these little women go running up and down your back-- really quickly. 24 00:02:03,810 --> 00:02:06,916 Oh. Excuse me. Uh, we were just, uh-- 25 00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:09,290 Hi, honey. H-Hello, Margaret. 26 00:02:09,349 --> 00:02:13,456 Ah,just leaving. Hey, you know, for your career clay, why don't you ask-- 27 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,729 Oh, Margaret. That's great. 28 00:02:16,790 --> 00:02:22,069 - H0 wamfl would you come speak at myschoo/ Wednesday? - Me? You really want me? 29 00:02:22,128 --> 00:02:24,074 It's career day for my third grade class... 30 00:02:24,130 --> 00:02:26,303 and I've got a doctor, a lawyer and a policeman. 31 00:02:26,366 --> 00:02:29,279 And I think a navigator on a bigjet would really be exciting. 32 00:02:29,336 --> 00:02:33,011 Oh, Wednesday. I had planned to spend all day Wednesday at my brother's wedding. 33 00:02:33,073 --> 00:02:35,053 - Oh,well. - I'll cancel it. 34 00:02:36,676 --> 00:02:38,656 Great. I only need one more. 35 00:02:38,712 --> 00:02:40,658 - Uh, when-- when is that, honey? - Wednesday. 36 00:02:40,714 --> 00:02:42,284 I wonder what I should wear. 37 00:02:42,349 --> 00:02:45,421 Oh, I think the kids would love to see you in your uniform. 38 00:02:45,485 --> 00:02:47,590 Oh, yeah. My uniform. Good. 39 00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:51,295 Oh, my uniform has a stain on it, and my spare one's in for alterations. 40 00:02:51,358 --> 00:02:54,601 - Which-- Which Wednesday is that? - This Wednesday. 41 00:02:54,661 --> 00:02:57,335 Fm an expert at stains. What kind of stain? 42 00:02:57,397 --> 00:03:02,005 There's teriyaki sauce, uh, rice, uh, pineapple sherbert and macadamia nuts. 43 00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:06,808 Is that a stain or a luau? 44 00:03:06,873 --> 00:03:09,979 Uh, both. We were coming back from Hawaii, and we hit an air pocket. 45 00:03:10,043 --> 00:03:11,989 The whole tray-- 46 00:03:12,045 --> 00:03:13,991 Come on. I bet I can get it out for you. 47 00:03:14,047 --> 00:03:16,891 I asked them 100 times not to feed us when they go over the Rockies. 48 00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:19,692 - Is that, uh, Wednesday morning or afternoon? - [ Door Closes] 49 00:03:19,753 --> 00:03:23,291 Morning. Hey, I didn't get to kiss you when you came in. 50 00:03:23,356 --> 00:03:25,700 I'm sorry, honey. Dinnefsjust gonna be a little late. 51 00:03:25,759 --> 00:03:29,639 You, uh-- You aren't inviting me to career day. 52 00:03:29,696 --> 00:03:31,698 Oh, I'd love to, Bob, but I think psychology... 53 00:03:31,765 --> 00:03:34,712 wouldjust be a little too hard for eight-year-old kids to understand. 54 00:03:34,768 --> 00:03:37,908 Well, don't you think I could make it easy for 'em to understand? 55 00:03:37,971 --> 00:03:40,008 I don't think so, Bob. 56 00:03:41,074 --> 00:03:43,748 Emily, uh-- 57 00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:45,881 I mean, I'm a-- I'm a trained psychologist. 58 00:03:45,946 --> 00:03:49,826 I mean, I'm sure I could answer any question they might have about psychology. 59 00:03:49,883 --> 00:03:53,194 Oh, I don't thinkyou know the kind of questions eight-year-old kids can ask. 60 00:03:54,487 --> 00:03:57,900 Emily, I'm a trained psychologist. 61 00:03:57,958 --> 00:04:01,496 I'm sure I can answer any question they might have about psychology. 62 00:04:01,561 --> 00:04:04,098 - Want me to tryyou? - I would love it. 63 00:04:04,164 --> 00:04:06,644 Okay. Psychology- 64 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:09,579 - Yeah. - Why is it spelled so funny? 65 00:04:12,439 --> 00:04:15,784 Shouldn't it start with an “S“ instead of a “P“? 66 00:04:15,842 --> 00:04:18,220 Uh, why does the “Y“ sound like an “I“? 67 00:04:18,278 --> 00:04:21,350 Why is the “H” silent? 68 00:04:23,583 --> 00:04:25,585 So, what's for dinner? 69 00:04:35,962 --> 00:04:40,138 Well, I-- I have to be honest with you, Walter. I don't agree with you. 70 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:43,079 Well, I think what you did at the party last night was in bad taste... 71 00:04:43,136 --> 00:04:45,980 and-- and I agree with the hostess for telling you so. 72 00:04:47,807 --> 00:04:51,414 Walter, a lot of your hostility comes from the fact you can't accept criticism. 73 00:04:53,913 --> 00:04:56,553 Hello? 74 00:04:56,616 --> 00:04:58,892 Hello? 75 00:04:58,952 --> 00:05:00,898 [Knocking] 76 00:05:00,954 --> 00:05:03,798 Bob, can I talk to you? I've got a problem. 77 00:05:03,857 --> 00:05:06,997 - Sure. Let's-- Let's talk about it. - Can luse your couch? 78 00:05:07,060 --> 00:05:10,507 - It's that serious? - No, no. It really isn't. I'm not gonna botheryou. 79 00:05:10,563 --> 00:05:12,509 You'll just say it's a dumb problem. 80 00:05:12,565 --> 00:05:14,977 No, listen, if it's bothering you, it's not a dumb problem. 81 00:05:15,035 --> 00:05:17,015 Oh, thank you, Bob. 82 00:05:17,070 --> 00:05:19,016 I can't decide which coffee machine to order. 83 00:05:19,072 --> 00:05:21,018 This is the coffee Klatch-O-Matic... 84 00:05:21,074 --> 00:05:23,486 and it gives you extra hot water for your coffee, tea, soup. 85 00:05:23,543 --> 00:05:26,717 Here'; your Brewmaster. No plumbing required. 86 00:05:26,780 --> 00:05:29,158 Now, finally, Coffee-and-Soup-to-You. 87 00:05:29,215 --> 00:05:31,821 I don't want to influence you, but what do you think? 88 00:05:31,885 --> 00:05:34,422 - You're right. - What? 89 00:05:34,487 --> 00:05:37,696 It's a dumb problem. 90 00:05:37,757 --> 00:05:40,795 I'm sorry, but I am going bananas... 91 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:44,706 trying to figure out which coffee machine to get for my reception area. 92 00:05:44,764 --> 00:05:47,438 What's wrong with the coffee machine we have out there now? 93 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,605 It just makes coffee. 94 00:05:52,505 --> 00:05:55,850 Isn't that sort of the-- the goal of a coffee machine? 95 00:05:55,909 --> 00:05:57,547 - Bob. - [Knocking] 96 00:05:57,610 --> 00:05:58,953 Hi, Bob. Hi, Carol. 97 00:05:59,012 --> 00:06:00,719 - Jerry. - Letjerry decide. 98 00:06:00,780 --> 00:06:03,386 - Letjerry decide what? - All right. If you had to choose... 99 00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:06,158 - one of these coffee machines, which would you pick? - Uh, this one. 100 00:06:06,219 --> 00:06:10,463 - Why did you pick that one? - 'Cause this is where I want to sit down. 101 00:06:10,523 --> 00:06:13,504 All right. Well. I'll just decide myself. 102 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:16,803 I don't want to hear any complaints if I pick one without enough accessories. 103 00:06:16,863 --> 00:06:18,809 Why don't you ask Tupperman, the urologist? 104 00:06:18,865 --> 00:06:21,243 His patients will be drinking most of it anyway. 105 00:06:24,938 --> 00:06:28,249 - 50, what? up, jar/y? - I just wanted to find out what you're gonna wear Wednesday. 106 00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:31,312 I don't know yet. I usually decide that Wednesday morning after my shower. 107 00:06:31,377 --> 00:06:34,586 Oh. I mean to career day at Emily's school. 108 00:06:34,647 --> 00:06:36,684 I think I'll wear my smock. 109 00:06:36,749 --> 00:06:38,786 You gonna wear a suit? 110 00:06:38,852 --> 00:06:41,924 - Oh, I'm-- I'm not going to career day. - Oh, working, huh? Too bad. 111 00:06:41,988 --> 00:06:44,491 - No. As a matter of fact, I'm free. - Oh. 112 00:06:44,557 --> 00:06:46,537 Ohh. 113 00:06:46,593 --> 00:06:49,472 Sorry. 114 00:06:49,529 --> 00:06:51,873 There's-- There's nothing to be sorry about. 115 00:06:51,931 --> 00:06:53,911 Emily only needed a certain number of people... 116 00:06:53,967 --> 00:06:56,447 and by the time I got home, she was all booked up. 117 00:06:56,503 --> 00:07:00,076 That's odd because she called me just this morning. Ooh. Sorry. 118 00:07:01,141 --> 00:07:03,143 Okay. 119 00:07:03,209 --> 00:07:06,088 All right. I'll tell you the real reason Emily didn't invite me. 120 00:07:06,146 --> 00:07:08,387 She felt that, uh, psychology was just... 121 00:07:08,448 --> 00:07:10,621 a little too intellectual for the kids to understand. 122 00:07:10,683 --> 00:07:12,754 Well, you know, she's right. 123 00:07:12,819 --> 00:07:15,322 I mean, psychologyjust isn't one of your glamourjobs... 124 00:07:15,388 --> 00:07:17,732 like astronaut, orthodontist. 125 00:07:20,326 --> 00:07:24,934 Jerry, a giant step for mankind is more important than “Please rinse and spit.“ 126 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,202 You'rejust sore 'cause you weren't invited. 127 00:07:29,269 --> 00:07:32,580 I don't understand how the kids are gonna understand what you do and not what I do. 128 00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:35,381 Don'tjump on me. jump on your wife. I didn't ask me. 129 00:07:35,441 --> 00:07:37,819 She did. And she must know what she's doing. 130 00:07:37,877 --> 00:07:40,653 Well, look at it. Here. 131 00:07:40,713 --> 00:07:44,160 Psychologist. 132 00:07:44,217 --> 00:07:47,164 That's a hard word to understand, and it's a long word. 133 00:07:47,220 --> 00:07:50,633 Two, four, six, eight, 10, 12 letters in that word. 134 00:07:50,690 --> 00:07:52,636 Give me that. 135 00:07:52,692 --> 00:07:56,230 Orthodontist. 136 00:07:56,296 --> 00:07:58,298 Six, eight, 1 O, 12 letters. 137 00:07:58,364 --> 00:08:00,344 Same number of letters as mine. 138 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:04,849 Well, I usually tell people that I'm a dentist. D-E-N-T-I-- 139 00:08:07,207 --> 00:08:10,984 I can't believe we're actually sitting here counting the number of letters in our jobs. 140 00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:15,654 Don't I have a patient out there or something? 141 00:08:15,715 --> 00:08:17,023 Bob. 142 00:08:17,083 --> 00:08:19,029 What? Oh, I see her. 143 00:08:19,085 --> 00:08:21,087 - HLjer/y - Hi, Emily. 144 00:08:21,154 --> 00:08:23,225 - Hi, honey. What brings you here? - Bob... 145 00:08:23,289 --> 00:08:25,792 I have to talk to you about something very important. 146 00:08:25,858 --> 00:08:27,860 '*§ 147 00:08:29,162 --> 00:08:32,507 - Uh, mind if I leave? - Not at all. 148 00:08:35,568 --> 00:08:38,208 - Yeah. What is it? - Bob... 149 00:08:39,772 --> 00:08:42,651 I'm sorry I disappointed you last night. 150 00:08:44,077 --> 00:08:47,149 Oh, honey, I get headaches like that myself sometimes. 151 00:08:51,351 --> 00:08:53,353 Oh. 152 00:08:55,321 --> 00:08:59,269 Uh, I meant the career day thing. 153 00:08:59,325 --> 00:09:02,033 Oh, that. Oh, that-- 154 00:09:02,095 --> 00:09:05,201 [Clears Throat] That was nothing. I haven't even thought about it since. 155 00:09:05,265 --> 00:09:09,975 Bob, what is “Psychologist, 12. Orthodontist, 12”? 156 00:09:11,237 --> 00:09:14,309 Oh. 157 00:09:14,374 --> 00:09:17,787 Oh, that was the, uh-- That was the score of the game last night. 158 00:09:19,879 --> 00:09:21,825 Sort ofan intramural-- 159 00:09:22,949 --> 00:09:25,429 Yeah. The, uh-- The play-off is Thursday. 160 00:09:26,686 --> 00:09:29,530 Well,you'll get 'em in the play-off, honey. 161 00:09:29,589 --> 00:09:31,933 Anyway, about this career day thing. 162 00:09:31,991 --> 00:09:36,371 Uh, I was thinking, and maybe last night I was too protective... 163 00:09:36,429 --> 00:09:38,670 because it was my thing, you know. 164 00:09:38,731 --> 00:09:41,211 Maybe I was too cautious, but-- 165 00:09:41,267 --> 00:09:43,247 Well, anyway, I was wrong. 166 00:09:43,303 --> 00:09:45,249 I mean, I know you'd be great... 167 00:09:45,305 --> 00:09:48,843 and I'd really be proud to have you there, and I really want you to come. 168 00:09:48,908 --> 00:09:51,252 - Who canceled out? - The lawyer. 169 00:09:53,446 --> 00:09:55,392 Emily. I'll be glad to help. 170 00:09:55,448 --> 00:09:58,088 Oh, great! I-- I gotta run. 171 00:09:58,151 --> 00:10:00,097 - I'll run you to the elevator. - Oh. 172 00:10:00,153 --> 00:10:03,930 Oh, uh--l think I'll wear my new gray suit. 173 00:10:03,990 --> 00:10:08,097 I'm sorry. $130 a month is too much for a coffee machine. 174 00:10:08,161 --> 00:10:11,938 No, I don't care. No one would ever use the doughnut maker. 175 00:10:11,998 --> 00:10:16,447 Honey, I'm really glad that you came by, and I-- and I'm looking forward to it. 176 00:10:16,502 --> 00:10:18,539 Yeah, it should be a lot of fun. 177 00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:26,916 - Bye. - Bye, Dr. Hartley. 178 00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:32,754 - I'm right. - You're absolutely wrong. 179 00:10:32,819 --> 00:10:34,457 I'll bet you five dollars you're wrong. 180 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,830 Bob, tell Tupperman the score of last night's ball game. 181 00:10:36,889 --> 00:10:41,133 - Gee. I forget. - Uh, Orthodontist, 12, Psychologist, 12. 182 00:10:42,762 --> 00:10:44,901 Oh, well. Get you in the play-offs. 183 00:10:49,569 --> 00:10:54,416 You know, honey, I'm really looking forward to going back to grammar school. 184 00:10:54,474 --> 00:10:59,184 You know, I haven't been to a grammar school since-- 185 00:10:59,245 --> 00:11:01,316 Wow. 186 00:11:01,381 --> 00:11:04,123 1943? 187 00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:07,221 They-- They still collect, uh, tin cans and fat? 188 00:11:08,688 --> 00:11:11,225 I don't know. That was before my time. 189 00:11:11,290 --> 00:11:14,271 I was penny loafers and “sh-boom, sh-boom.“ 190 00:11:14,327 --> 00:11:18,104 I-- I know your age. You were saddle shoes and “That Doggie in the Window.“ 191 00:11:19,999 --> 00:11:23,037 Would you like to call Howard and tell him breakfast is ready? 192 00:11:23,102 --> 00:11:25,639 It won't be necessary. By the time the smell of the bacon... 193 00:11:25,705 --> 00:11:28,311 gets across our room, under the door and across the hall-- 194 00:11:28,374 --> 00:11:31,116 - [Knocking] - Howard will be here. Hi, Howie. 195 00:11:32,378 --> 00:11:34,688 Mmm. Something smells good. 196 00:11:34,747 --> 00:11:36,727 Want some orangejuice, Howard? 197 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:40,959 Uh, if you don't mind, I'd rather not. I drank an awful lot of it last night. 198 00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:44,126 Uh, I'd like to have some of whatevefs smelling so good though. 199 00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:46,727 - That would be the bacon. - No. It's something else. 200 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:49,865 - Uh, is there mintjelly? - No. I don't think so. 201 00:11:49,929 --> 00:11:53,308 Uh, what kind of aftershave lotion are you wearing? 202 00:11:53,366 --> 00:11:56,506 - Old Lime. - That's it. 203 00:11:56,569 --> 00:11:58,981 I wonder what's keepingjerry. 204 00:11:59,038 --> 00:12:02,986 Oh, he'll be here. ltjust takes a little longer for the smell to get across town. 205 00:12:03,042 --> 00:12:05,352 - Well, you ready for the big day, Howard? - Yeah. 206 00:12:05,411 --> 00:12:09,518 On the way to school, can we stop by at the airport? I want to pick up a plane. 207 00:12:11,684 --> 00:12:14,324 My trunkis full of golf clubs, Howard. 208 00:12:14,387 --> 00:12:17,834 No, no. lt'sjust a model, not a real one. It's a great visual aid. 209 00:12:17,890 --> 00:12:21,531 What do you need with a visual aid? I mean, you just tell the kids what you're gonna do. 210 00:12:21,594 --> 00:12:24,404 I'm sure none of the rest of us are gonna bring visual aids. 211 00:12:24,464 --> 00:12:26,410 - [Knocking] - It's open. 212 00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:29,502 Hi. 213 00:12:33,406 --> 00:12:35,750 What the heck is that? 214 00:12:35,808 --> 00:12:39,017 Oh, this is my model ofTuffy the Tooth. Got it from my equipment distributor. 215 00:12:39,078 --> 00:12:41,285 Makes a great visual aid. Don't you think? Hi, Emily. 216 00:12:41,347 --> 00:12:43,588 HLJerry. I love your tooth. 217 00:12:43,649 --> 00:12:46,129 Hey. Look at the detail on this thing. It's even got a cavity. 218 00:12:46,185 --> 00:12:48,631 That's not a cavity. I banged it on the elevator coming up. 219 00:12:51,057 --> 00:12:55,233 Boy, this is really getting exciting. I mean, here we all are, ready to go. 220 00:12:55,294 --> 00:12:57,433 Whoops. All except me. Excuse me. 221 00:12:57,497 --> 00:13:01,377 I can't wait to show you the model of my DC-10. I mean, it's really nifty. 222 00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:04,313 It's got little toy people, and it's got little toy seats. 223 00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:06,543 It's even got teeny tiny toy little drinks. 224 00:13:06,606 --> 00:13:10,748 Sounds great. What are you bringing for a visual aid, Bob? 225 00:13:10,810 --> 00:13:12,756 Can we drop the talk about visual aids? 226 00:13:12,812 --> 00:13:15,918 I don't need a visual aid, and I'm not bringing a visual aid. 227 00:13:15,982 --> 00:13:21,898 Ah, maybe Bob's right. A model of a couch with a tiny neurotic on it wouldn't be much fun. 228 00:13:25,758 --> 00:13:29,069 And then the clog jumps up on the truck, the people thank us... 229 00:13:29,128 --> 00:13:33,440 and we ride back to the station ringing the bell the whole way. 230 00:13:37,203 --> 00:13:40,946 Now I'm gonna let you take a look at a real fire ax. 231 00:13:41,007 --> 00:13:43,886 - [All ] Ooh. - One that's been to a lot of real fires. 232 00:13:43,943 --> 00:13:47,413 Why don't you take a good close look and then pass it around to your neighbor, okay? 233 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:49,460 - Oh, uh-- - Don't worry, Mrs. Hartley. 234 00:13:49,515 --> 00:13:52,758 I'm putting the safety shield on so the boys and girls can't hurt themselves. 235 00:13:52,818 --> 00:13:57,164 Oh. Well, thank you, Deputy Chief Barnsdale for that wonderful talk. 236 00:13:58,524 --> 00:14:01,528 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 237 00:14:01,594 --> 00:14:04,973 Now, I-- I know it's been a long morning, boys and girls... 238 00:14:05,031 --> 00:14:06,977 and we're all waiting for lunch hour... 239 00:14:07,033 --> 00:14:09,206 but we have one more speaker to go. 240 00:14:09,268 --> 00:14:13,182 He is what is called a psychologist. 241 00:14:13,239 --> 00:14:17,346 Now, how many of you don't know what a psychologist is? 242 00:14:17,410 --> 00:14:19,720 Good. Good. 243 00:14:19,779 --> 00:14:22,316 I'm sure we're all anxious to have him tell us about it... 244 00:14:22,381 --> 00:14:25,658 so please welcome Dr. Robert Hartley. 245 00:14:35,461 --> 00:14:38,601 How many of you know yourselves? 246 00:14:43,703 --> 00:14:46,877 I mean, really know yourselves? 247 00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,615 I know a lot of you are gonna say, “I know myself“... 248 00:14:51,677 --> 00:14:53,918 and you look in the mirror and say, “That's myself.“ 249 00:14:55,881 --> 00:14:59,658 But that's-- thafsjust the outside of you. 250 00:14:59,719 --> 00:15:02,791 A psychologist is a person who helps you learn... 251 00:15:02,855 --> 00:15:06,200 not just the outside of you, but-- but all of you. 252 00:15:10,496 --> 00:15:12,442 Are there any questions so far? 253 00:15:12,498 --> 00:15:14,444 Yes. 254 00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:18,710 How come this ax has a round end on one side and a pointy end on the other side? 255 00:15:22,842 --> 00:15:26,415 I think the-- the fireman could probably answer that better than I could. 256 00:15:26,479 --> 00:15:28,481 Yeah. 257 00:15:29,749 --> 00:15:32,855 I'm glad you asked that question. 258 00:15:32,918 --> 00:15:38,129 Now, when a house catches on fire, a lot of times the front door is locked. 259 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:41,137 So, the only way the fireman can get in... 260 00:15:41,193 --> 00:15:45,801 is to take the pointy side of that ax and break the door down. 261 00:15:45,865 --> 00:15:49,039 Now, sometimes the fire's on the second floor. 262 00:15:49,101 --> 00:15:50,944 In this case-- 263 00:15:51,003 --> 00:15:53,074 I'm not saying you're not doing good up there... 264 00:15:53,139 --> 00:15:56,120 but, uh, maybe you better borrow my tooth. 265 00:16:00,546 --> 00:16:03,117 Bob, you weren't that bad. 266 00:16:03,182 --> 00:16:07,392 Emily, ever since we left school, you've been telling me I wasn't that bad. 267 00:16:07,453 --> 00:16:10,923 If I wasn't that bad, why do you keep thinking of telling me I wasn't that bad? 268 00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:14,062 Well, maybe it was my fault for putting you on last... 269 00:16:14,126 --> 00:16:18,438 but considering how hungry and tired those kids were, you weren't that bad. 270 00:16:19,665 --> 00:16:21,906 Emily, ever since I can remember... 271 00:16:21,967 --> 00:16:24,277 whenever my folks would take me to a doctor, you know... 272 00:16:24,336 --> 00:16:26,612 for a shot, like diphtheria or whooping cough... 273 00:16:26,672 --> 00:16:29,243 just before he'd give me the shot, he'd always say... 274 00:16:29,308 --> 00:16:31,254 “Now, this isn't gonna hurt that much“... 275 00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:33,256 and then he'd give it to me. 276 00:16:33,312 --> 00:16:36,293 And by the time I'd quit screaming and yelling and carrying on... 277 00:16:36,348 --> 00:16:39,261 he'd always say, “Now that wasn't that bad, was it?“ 278 00:16:39,318 --> 00:16:42,663 But it was. Sometimes it was even worse. 279 00:16:42,722 --> 00:16:47,000 So it doesn't help for you to tell me it wasn't that bad when I know it was that bad. 280 00:16:47,059 --> 00:16:49,869 Even the minister got a bigger hand than I did. 281 00:16:50,930 --> 00:16:52,910 Oh, no,. 282 00:16:52,965 --> 00:16:54,911 Not until he took out his guitar... 283 00:16:54,967 --> 00:16:57,379 and everybody started singing “Michael, Row the Boat Ashore.“ 284 00:16:57,436 --> 00:17:00,542 Until then he was doing just as badly as-- 285 00:17:02,475 --> 00:17:04,751 All right, Bob. If you want to thinkyou did badly... 286 00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:07,222 you go right ahead, even though nobody else thought so. 287 00:17:07,279 --> 00:17:09,225 - [Knocking] - Come in. 288 00:17:10,683 --> 00:17:14,290 Oh, Bob. I think I know why you were a flop in class today. 289 00:17:15,521 --> 00:17:17,467 Howard. 290 00:17:17,523 --> 00:17:19,469 No, no. It's very simple. 291 00:17:19,525 --> 00:17:22,301 Everybody had on a uniform except you. I think that's where you lost 'em. 292 00:17:22,361 --> 00:17:25,069 Howard, this is my uniform. This is what I wear to work. 293 00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:28,078 Oh. Well, it must have been something else. 294 00:17:28,134 --> 00:17:32,514 You know, I think maybe Howard's onto something with that uniform business... 295 00:17:32,571 --> 00:17:34,847 because your uniform is a suit... 296 00:17:34,907 --> 00:17:38,354 and that's what Mr. Patterson the school principal wears but-- 297 00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:41,721 No. The kids love him. It couldn't be that. 298 00:17:41,781 --> 00:17:43,727 [Knocking] 299 00:17:43,783 --> 00:17:45,763 - Come in. - Oh, you're back. 300 00:17:45,818 --> 00:17:47,764 I can't wait to hear all about it. 301 00:17:47,820 --> 00:17:49,766 Well, I can't wait to tell you about it. 302 00:17:49,822 --> 00:17:53,463 Just the highlights because if I don't get back to the dryer in five minutes... 303 00:17:53,526 --> 00:17:56,029 Arthur's underwear may go up in flames. 304 00:17:56,095 --> 00:17:59,042 Well, it went over real great. They loved the model and everything. 305 00:17:59,098 --> 00:18:02,341 There was a girl in class who was planning to be a doctor when she grew up... 306 00:18:02,401 --> 00:18:04,711 but when I finished my speech, she changed her mind. 307 00:18:04,770 --> 00:18:08,240 Now she wants to be an airline stewardess. I feel real good about that. 308 00:18:09,475 --> 00:18:11,421 How did everybody else do? 309 00:18:11,477 --> 00:18:15,289 - Oh, everybody did just great. - Yeah. Except for Bob. 310 00:18:22,388 --> 00:18:24,766 How fast can we get that stuff back from the lab? 311 00:18:24,824 --> 00:18:28,169 [Carol ] Would you stand back, everybody? I need some room here. 312 00:18:28,227 --> 00:18:30,537 - Ah. - Well, so far so good. 313 00:18:30,596 --> 00:18:32,974 - It's not eating through the cup. - What's happening here? 314 00:18:33,032 --> 00:18:35,808 Here, Bob. I want you to have the first cup of coffee... 315 00:18:35,868 --> 00:18:37,779 from our new coffee machine. 316 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:46,315 What? Too strong? Too weak? 317 00:18:46,378 --> 00:18:49,120 Too what, Bob? 318 00:18:49,181 --> 00:18:52,094 Not enough... beef. 319 00:18:52,151 --> 00:18:54,825 But it's coffee. 320 00:19:00,459 --> 00:19:02,405 No, it's beef soup. 321 00:19:04,296 --> 00:19:06,242 Good beef soup. Not-- 322 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,179 Not great beef soup. 323 00:19:09,235 --> 00:19:12,307 Well, I-- I must have gotten the envelopes mixed up. 324 00:19:12,371 --> 00:19:15,841 Anybody want a cup of beef soup with cream and sugar? 325 00:19:17,309 --> 00:19:19,482 Is that a definite no? 326 00:19:19,545 --> 00:19:22,424 - Hey, Bob, I'm surprised to see you here this afternoon. - Why? 327 00:19:22,481 --> 00:19:25,587 After what happened this morning, I figured you'd be home licking your wounds. 328 00:19:25,651 --> 00:19:27,961 - It wasn't that bad. - Bob, I was there. 329 00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:30,830 I saw. I know. You bombed. 330 00:19:32,024 --> 00:19:34,436 I know. I know. 331 00:19:37,296 --> 00:19:39,606 You know, I hate to admit this, but it-- 332 00:19:39,665 --> 00:19:43,135 It's starting to bother me. I mean, was it me? 333 00:19:43,202 --> 00:19:45,978 Sure wasn't me, Bob. 334 00:19:46,038 --> 00:19:48,746 No, but, uh, was my speech that-- 335 00:19:48,807 --> 00:19:50,753 that dull and boring? 336 00:19:50,809 --> 00:19:53,688 I don't really know. I wasn't paying too much attention to it. 337 00:19:53,746 --> 00:19:55,692 That's another thing. 338 00:19:55,748 --> 00:19:59,560 You didn't set a very good example by leaving the room right in the middle of my talk. 339 00:19:59,618 --> 00:20:02,497 I had to go to the little boys' room. 340 00:20:02,554 --> 00:20:05,694 And,you know, it was too, Bob. Everything was so low. 341 00:20:11,397 --> 00:20:13,843 - I gotta go back. - Bob, it's not worth a whole trip. 342 00:20:13,899 --> 00:20:16,209 So everything's low. So what? 343 00:20:16,268 --> 00:20:18,214 No. 344 00:20:18,270 --> 00:20:21,410 I mean to Emily's class. 345 00:20:21,473 --> 00:20:23,749 I mean, I--I let Emily down. I let-- 346 00:20:23,809 --> 00:20:26,585 I let the kids down, and worst of all, I-- 347 00:20:26,645 --> 00:20:28,591 I let myself down. 348 00:20:28,647 --> 00:20:32,094 I mean, I'm gonna go back un-- until I get those kids. 349 00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:35,030 Better hurry up. They graduate in three years. 350 00:20:37,923 --> 00:20:41,700 As you all know, we had a math test scheduled for this hour. 351 00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,706 - [All 1 Aw. - Uh-huh. 352 00:20:43,762 --> 00:20:46,242 Well, I am canceling that math test... 353 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:51,245 so that Dr. Robert Hartley can speak to you again. 354 00:20:51,303 --> 00:20:53,579 [All Groan] 355 00:20:56,008 --> 00:20:59,888 Would you all please welcome Dr. Robert Hartley. 356 00:21:02,781 --> 00:21:06,285 Thank-- Thank you very much. Uh-- 357 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:10,198 Well, I guess--l guess you all know what, uh-- what tools are. 358 00:21:10,255 --> 00:21:16,103 And one of the most important tools a psychologist uses is, uh-- is honesty. 359 00:21:16,161 --> 00:21:18,471 And I'm gonna be honest with you. 360 00:21:18,530 --> 00:21:21,477 Uh, the reason I'm back here today is because, uh... 361 00:21:21,533 --> 00:21:25,003 I felt you didn't like me yesterday. 362 00:21:25,070 --> 00:21:28,210 As a matter of fact, I-- I didn't like myself yesterday. 363 00:21:28,273 --> 00:21:32,813 But, uh, that- that isn't gonna happen today because... 364 00:21:33,846 --> 00:21:35,792 guess what I have in this briefcase. 365 00:21:35,848 --> 00:21:38,158 An ax? 366 00:21:40,285 --> 00:21:42,231 No. 367 00:21:42,287 --> 00:21:44,494 No. I have something much better than an ax. 368 00:21:44,556 --> 00:21:46,160 - [Alarm Ringing] - What's that? 369 00:21:46,225 --> 00:21:48,330 Fire drill. 370 00:21:48,394 --> 00:21:50,465 Okay, everybody. Now, line up single file... 371 00:21:50,529 --> 00:21:54,773 walk out the rear door, continue on out to the outside, and remember, no talking. 372 00:21:54,833 --> 00:21:57,814 - Emily, how long is this-- - Shh. No talking. 373 00:21:57,870 --> 00:22:02,580 The last one out of the room closes the door and shuts out the light. 374 00:22:17,456 --> 00:22:19,402 Now, that's really very interesting. 375 00:22:19,458 --> 00:22:22,632 - You thought it looked like rain clouds before a storm. - Yeah. 376 00:22:22,694 --> 00:22:26,301 You thought it looked like the inside of a car motor. 377 00:22:26,365 --> 00:22:28,743 And you thought it looked like the kitchen table... 378 00:22:28,801 --> 00:22:31,008 after your brother had spilled black paint on it. 379 00:22:32,871 --> 00:22:35,715 Well, that just is a good example of, uh-- 380 00:22:35,774 --> 00:22:37,276 of how people think differently. 381 00:22:37,342 --> 00:22:39,822 Uh, this is a game that psychologists use... 382 00:22:39,878 --> 00:22:42,324 to teach people to learn about themselves. 383 00:22:43,549 --> 00:22:46,689 - Yes. - What do you think it looks like? 384 00:22:46,752 --> 00:22:48,459 - This? - Yep. 385 00:22:52,091 --> 00:22:54,571 Well, of course, I'm a grown-up. Uh-- 386 00:22:55,961 --> 00:22:58,805 To me it looks like two ducks kissing. 387 00:23:00,866 --> 00:23:04,871 All right. Since the fire drill took up a lot of our time, are there any other questions? 388 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,312 That's a lot better than Jerry and his tooth did. 389 00:23:11,376 --> 00:23:13,856 Yes. 390 00:23:13,912 --> 00:23:16,984 How come “psychologist“ is spelled so funny? 391 00:23:20,919 --> 00:23:22,899 Uh, Mrs. Hartley, you want to answer-- 392 00:23:26,325 --> 00:23:28,532 Oh. [Chuckles] 393 00:23:28,594 --> 00:23:31,234 Thank you, Dr. Hartley. 394 00:23:33,565 --> 00:23:36,546 _ U h__ - [ Bell Rings ] 395 00:23:36,602 --> 00:23:38,411 Class dismissed. 396 00:23:49,448 --> 00:23:52,986 That didn't look like two ducks kissing to me. 397 00:23:53,051 --> 00:23:56,931 It didn't to me either, but, you know, we had kids. 398 00:24:01,927 --> 00:24:04,430 You know, I-- I can't read. 399 00:24:04,496 --> 00:24:06,942 I keep thinking about what happened today. 400 00:24:06,999 --> 00:24:09,411 You know. I-- I can't get over it. 401 00:24:09,468 --> 00:24:13,245 I mean, I--I might have carried that failure with me for... 402 00:24:13,305 --> 00:24:15,307 who knows how long, you know, but I-- 403 00:24:15,374 --> 00:24:19,379 I mean, I took the risk, and-- and I went back to your school that second time. 404 00:24:19,444 --> 00:24:21,390 I found out that I could be... 405 00:24:21,446 --> 00:24:23,653 fun and stimulating... 406 00:24:23,715 --> 00:24:27,219 and-- and interesting, you know, rather than like the first time. 407 00:24:28,487 --> 00:24:30,489 Not a dull boring talk. 408 00:24:32,324 --> 00:24:34,304 Don't you think so, Emily? 409 00:24:36,495 --> 00:24:38,441 - [Snoring] - Emily? 410 00:25:13,966 --> 00:25:15,377 [ Mews] 34977

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