All language subtitles for Sex.Explained.S01E01.720p.WEB.X264-STARZ

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:09,217 If you have sex, what does it look like? 2 00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,428 And when you fantasize about sex, 3 00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,930 and we know the vast majority of you do, 4 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:15,598 what does that look like? 5 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,018 Is it sex you want to have? 6 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:20,061 Or is it something else entirely? 7 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,481 On one of the biggest porn sites, PornHub, 8 00:00:23,565 --> 00:00:27,652 three of the most searched terms are "mom," "stepmom," and "MILF," 9 00:00:27,819 --> 00:00:29,237 another flavor of "mom." 10 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:33,700 But porn doesn't necessarily reflect our true private fantasies. 11 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:37,203 To find that out, you have to actually ask people. 12 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:41,875 I surveyed almost 4,200 Americans from all 50 states, 13 00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:44,502 people ranging in age from 18 to 87, 14 00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:48,715 ranging all different gender identities, sexual orientations, 15 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:50,675 demographic and political backgrounds, 16 00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,427 and I asked them hundreds of questions. 17 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,429 According to his survey, 18 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:58,099 97% of American adults have had a sexual fantasy, 19 00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:01,978 as in imagined an arousing sexual scenario. 20 00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:05,523 Eighty-seven percent have at least one a week. 21 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:08,026 And 52% have at least one a day. 22 00:01:08,526 --> 00:01:12,363 And though we might think our fantasies are super weird and unique... 23 00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:15,450 By and large, most people, regardless of gender, 24 00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:17,410 are fantasizing about the same things. 25 00:01:17,827 --> 00:01:20,872 So who and what are we fantasizing about? 26 00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,209 And what do our fantasies say about us? 27 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:28,004 Ah, Linda, if you were only here to nurse me. 28 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:31,216 I love to watch people masturbate. 29 00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,969 I love feet, but I'm like, "Why are feet fetishized?" 30 00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:38,681 Why are these things considered outside of normal? 31 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:42,310 Fantasy is fantasy, and it turns us on. 32 00:01:42,894 --> 00:01:44,229 They can remain in your head, 33 00:01:44,312 --> 00:01:46,397 or sometimes you can actually make them a reality. 34 00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:57,784 Most of our fantasies fall into three genres: 35 00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,869 having sex with multiple people, 36 00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:03,331 sex in places or in ways that we've never done it before 37 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:06,167 and fantasies about power and control. 38 00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,752 The first: group sex, 39 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,754 like orgies or gang bangs, 40 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:13,299 a type of orgy where a lot of men usually have sex with the same woman. 41 00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:17,470 Almost every American adult has fantasized about group sex. 42 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,932 And over half of the men said they fantasized about it often. 43 00:02:21,391 --> 00:02:24,936 And usually the fantasy involves a specific number of people. 44 00:02:25,436 --> 00:02:28,197 - I would just say, "a threesome." - The threesome thing is beautiful. 45 00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:31,776 I think it's definitely a threesome, but there's also, like, grapes involved. 46 00:02:31,860 --> 00:02:34,580 When I looked at the one-word fantasy descriptions 47 00:02:34,654 --> 00:02:35,697 that people provided, 48 00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:38,467 when they summed up their favorite fantasy of all time in a single word, 49 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:41,286 I took those words, and I entered them into a word cloud. 50 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:44,205 And the first time I did this, all it said was "threesome" 51 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:46,666 because so many people wrote that threesome 52 00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,309 was their favorite fantasy of all time. 53 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:51,129 It's a way that people can feel validated and wanted. 54 00:02:51,212 --> 00:02:53,756 A lot of people really just want to be the center of attention, 55 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:58,261 and they want multiple people desiring them at the same time. 56 00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,680 So, there's actually a big emotional component. 57 00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:03,868 And while the stereotype might be that young people experiment 58 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,185 with group sex, 59 00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:10,356 this fantasy is actually more popular with people in their 40s, 50s, and 60s. 60 00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,025 A big part of the appeal of threesomes 61 00:03:12,108 --> 00:03:15,862 is just that a lot of people get bored with their sexual routines, 62 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,698 and a lot of people are in long-term monogamous relationships, 63 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:21,910 and so a threesome is an easy way of adding some novelty. 64 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,852 And novelty, in general, 65 00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:26,789 is the second major genre of our fantasies. 66 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,583 That's where people are just mixing it up. 67 00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,293 In one small study, 68 00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,838 men viewed the same porn clip over and over, 69 00:03:34,005 --> 00:03:36,674 and they got less and less aroused. 70 00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:39,093 But then a new porn clip played, 71 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:42,889 and the men's penises got very hard, very fast. 72 00:03:43,431 --> 00:03:46,935 A similar study was conducted measuring women's genital arousal 73 00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,686 with similar results. 74 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,855 I like the secretive aspect of it. 75 00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,775 More like "I've never done this before" kind of thing. 76 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:57,320 Like, if we're on a plane together, and "Oh, no, your flight got delayed? 77 00:03:57,403 --> 00:03:59,215 Why not just come back to my place for the night? 78 00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,323 I have a spare bed." 79 00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,660 Having candle wax dripped on my body, 80 00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,120 having feathers run across my body. 81 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,956 More on the exhibitionist side, 82 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,959 I have done sexual things on the Brooklyn Bridge. 83 00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:15,213 The biggest theme that came up in the novelty category was public sex. 84 00:04:15,672 --> 00:04:16,992 Some of the favorites: 85 00:04:17,048 --> 00:04:20,051 sex in a park, a car, a public bathroom, 86 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:23,054 a locker room, an elevator, and the office. 87 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,014 I think a sexual fantasy for me 88 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:27,183 would be to have my partner, 89 00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:29,060 like, going around with a toy 90 00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:31,437 that I could sort of control and modulate 91 00:04:32,230 --> 00:04:35,650 at a wedding, or, like, at a business meeting... 92 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:40,113 There is, like, theoretically some risk of discovery, 93 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:42,031 so it's kind of like hot in that way. 94 00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,179 Two-thirds of men and women 95 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:46,077 have fantasized about sex toys. 96 00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:50,164 Two of the most common ones: blindfolds and handcuffs. 97 00:04:50,581 --> 00:04:53,334 Which brings us to the third big fantasy genre 98 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,003 power and control. 99 00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:59,924 More than a quarter of people rated this their favorite kind of fantasy. 100 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:03,469 I just like someone who is aggressive. 101 00:05:04,095 --> 00:05:07,140 Um, someone who can really, like... 102 00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:10,101 Yeah, just someone who's aggressive. 103 00:05:10,184 --> 00:05:12,264 I'm gonna leave it at that. Someone who's aggressive. 104 00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:14,397 I always thought being like... 105 00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:18,067 tossed around a little bit was always really attractive, 106 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:20,361 like that scene in Mrs. and Mr. Smith. 107 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,032 They're trying to kill each other, but it's hot. 108 00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:27,493 My favorite thing to do in the world is get into butts. 109 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:31,581 It's definitely a power thing to get into cis-boy butts, 110 00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,750 and I won't apologize for it. 111 00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:37,545 I like nurses. I don't know, something about nurses, cops... 112 00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:41,674 I don't know. You know what I think it is? Something mental, like women in power. 113 00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,593 That's sexy. That's what it is. 114 00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:44,844 Not too much power, though. 115 00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,221 Just enough, you know. Don't scare the sh... out of me. 116 00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:51,559 One way to explore power-play during sex is through BDSM. 117 00:05:51,642 --> 00:05:55,813 BDSM is bondage and discipline, sado-masochism. 118 00:05:56,105 --> 00:06:00,860 It's the erotic pleasure that people take 119 00:06:00,943 --> 00:06:02,737 in giving pain, 120 00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,822 enduring pain, 121 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,408 giving dominance, 122 00:06:07,492 --> 00:06:09,577 giving punishment, "punishment," 123 00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:14,248 enduring punishment, giving humiliation, enduring humiliation. 124 00:06:14,540 --> 00:06:17,460 But it's all in the realm of playtime. 125 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:21,047 BDSM is often associated with fancy props 126 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,965 and contraptions made of leather. 127 00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:24,634 I love leather. 128 00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:28,763 I think that nowadays people have a view of it, 129 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,473 of things like Fifty Shades of Grey 130 00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:31,974 and that kind of stuff. 131 00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:33,601 It's a very sort of a mainstream idea. 132 00:06:33,684 --> 00:06:38,398 But actually, my version of leather comes from a very queer place. 133 00:06:38,731 --> 00:06:41,859 And that all started in the US in the 1940s 134 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,986 where there was an emerging biker culture. 135 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:48,241 Leather was good protective clothing for men who were into motorcycles, 136 00:06:48,366 --> 00:06:49,992 and rugged, all-male clubs 137 00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:52,203 were good settings for men who were into men. 138 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,749 When World War II ended, some gay veterans stayed on the West Coast 139 00:06:56,874 --> 00:07:01,170 and joined the biker scene, embracing a gay, hyper-masculine identity 140 00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,798 and experimenting with kinky sex. 141 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:08,136 Soon, gay leather culture spread to cities across the US and Europe. 142 00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,598 And then a few decades ago, it became a lot more visible. 143 00:07:13,474 --> 00:07:16,352 in the late '80s and the '90s in San Francisco, 144 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:19,856 sexuality was something that we were really in turmoil over 145 00:07:19,939 --> 00:07:22,108 because of AIDS 146 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:26,028 and because of the serious fury and confusion 147 00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,156 and terror around the disease. 148 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,658 Some policemen wearing masks and gloves 149 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,285 when dealing with homosexuals, 150 00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:36,914 some morticians refusing to embalm the bodies of AIDS victims. 151 00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:40,751 And so BDSM was the perfect kind of outlet for that. 152 00:07:41,335 --> 00:07:43,963 Condoms, dental dams and all kinds of latex 153 00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:45,131 became part of the fun. 154 00:07:45,715 --> 00:07:47,967 It sexualized all of these things 155 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:50,344 that were kind of like barriers in the past, 156 00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:54,182 which I think is really healing and really remarkable. 157 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,869 And it helped people cope with their anxieties around sex, 158 00:07:56,893 --> 00:07:58,853 by getting them out of their heads, 159 00:07:58,936 --> 00:08:01,939 which is still a part of the appeal of BDSM today. 160 00:08:02,023 --> 00:08:04,609 It's a full process. It's a full story. 161 00:08:04,692 --> 00:08:07,653 It's a full immersion that you're creating yourself 162 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,573 and that you get to experience with somebody else, 163 00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:13,659 and it's what we call in BDSM, we call it "play," 164 00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:16,454 because it is that part of us 165 00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:19,248 that has forgotten how to just role-play. 166 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:24,128 But BDSM fantasies go back way further than the 20th century. 167 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:28,633 The "sado" in sado-masochism comes from the Marquis de Sade... 168 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:33,304 a 1700s French nobleman known for his kinky sex crimes 169 00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:36,849 and for his novels depicting kinky sex crimes. 170 00:08:37,975 --> 00:08:40,353 And the "masochism" in sado-masochism 171 00:08:40,436 --> 00:08:43,022 comes from Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, 172 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:46,567 an Austrian nobleman born a hundred years later, 173 00:08:46,651 --> 00:08:50,655 whose book Venus im Pelz told the semi-autobiographical story 174 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:53,866 of a man who convinces a woman to make him her slave. 175 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:57,745 The psychiatrist who coined the term "masochism" 176 00:08:57,828 --> 00:09:00,081 explained that this "perversion" 177 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:03,417 up to his time was quite unknown to the scientific world. 178 00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:06,629 But we now know this "perversion," 179 00:09:06,712 --> 00:09:09,423 at least imagining it, is widespread. 180 00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:12,885 More than three-quarters of people in Lehmiller's study 181 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,929 had fantasized about bondage, 182 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:17,932 as in restraining someone or being restrained. 183 00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:22,687 More than half about discipline, as in giving or following orders. 184 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:26,607 And almost three-quarters about inflicting or receiving pain, 185 00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:28,609 mostly biting and spanking. 186 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:32,530 The fact that almost everyone was having some type of BDSM fantasy 187 00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:35,992 tells us this is not some rare or unusual sexual interest. 188 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:38,619 Including fantasies about forced sex, 189 00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:41,789 in Lehmiller's study, 54% of men, 190 00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,165 61% of women, 191 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,501 and 68% of non-binary people 192 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:47,795 had fantasized about being forced 193 00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:49,797 to have sex at least once. 194 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,550 So, it's me being in a position 195 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:55,094 where I am being pursued and I don't want to be 196 00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:58,806 and almost in a rape fantasy scenario. 197 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:02,810 In TV and movies, this fantasy often follows a template: 198 00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,439 a spunky but ultimately vulnerable woman is raped, 199 00:10:06,522 --> 00:10:08,858 but then falls in love with her abuser. 200 00:10:08,941 --> 00:10:11,569 Although, in those two on the right, it's a little complicated. 201 00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:16,032 This formula also plays out in 80% of Thai soap operas. 202 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,993 It's so normal, the genre even has a cutesy nickname: 203 00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:20,661 "slap and kiss," 204 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:23,205 because there's a lot of slapping, then kissing. 205 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:28,085 And this fantasy goes way back, too. 206 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:30,713 One of the first modern rape fantasy novels, 207 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:34,216 The Sheik, was published in England in 1919. 208 00:10:34,592 --> 00:10:37,803 Such a sensation, it also got the Hollywood treatment. 209 00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:42,391 A feisty white woman is kidnapped by a sexy and violent Arab prince. 210 00:10:42,808 --> 00:10:46,687 He rapes her, she falls in love, and they live happily ever after. 211 00:10:47,396 --> 00:10:48,856 Audiences loved it. 212 00:10:49,398 --> 00:10:51,734 The movie broke box office records in New York 213 00:10:51,817 --> 00:10:54,278 and was a runaway hit in France, too. 214 00:10:55,154 --> 00:10:59,533 And in 1987, a survey of historical American romance novels, 215 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,702 which are written and read mostly by women, 216 00:11:01,827 --> 00:11:05,581 found that more than half featured the rape of the lead female character, 217 00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,918 perhaps freeing the heroine from the "moral slur 218 00:11:09,001 --> 00:11:11,545 of consenting to have sexual intercourse before marriage" 219 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,464 according to one researcher. 220 00:11:13,964 --> 00:11:17,134 Often, our fantasies involve things that are taboo, 221 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:19,095 things that are forbidden, 222 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,931 things that we feel that we can't express in everyday life, 223 00:11:22,014 --> 00:11:25,101 and the simple fact that it's taboo and forbidden 224 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:28,104 is what makes it exciting and titillating. 225 00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:31,315 That doesn't mean you actually want it in your everyday life. 226 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:34,068 Nobody thinks that if you have a fantasy about rape 227 00:11:34,151 --> 00:11:36,153 that you want to be raped, 228 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:39,073 or you're someone who's oriented toward rape. 229 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:41,051 For me, it's like, "Oh, yeah, I like to be the submissive," 230 00:11:41,075 --> 00:11:43,536 because I'm in control a lot of my life. 231 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,621 But being submissive in sex 232 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,415 doesn't mean I'm not in control of the sex 233 00:11:47,498 --> 00:11:49,142 'cause I'm in control of everything in sex. 234 00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,836 So it's just another natural extension of my own personality. 235 00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:55,631 Our fantasies are also an extension of our culture. 236 00:11:56,048 --> 00:12:00,136 A survey of Swedish romance novels, also done in the 1980s, 237 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:04,348 found almost no examples of women falling in love with their rapists. 238 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:09,186 The researcher explained that could be because "premarital sex was not quite 239 00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:12,314 the cultural taboo as it was in the United States" at the time. 240 00:12:13,023 --> 00:12:16,360 While in India today, the portrayal of sex is taboo. 241 00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,779 Porn is actually illegal. 242 00:12:19,613 --> 00:12:22,408 So it's easier to make in the form of comic books. 243 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:25,745 And these are two of the most popular characters, 244 00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:29,165 cartoon housewives Savita Bhabhi and Velamma. 245 00:12:29,457 --> 00:12:32,752 Both maternal figures, just with different figures, 246 00:12:33,127 --> 00:12:37,381 who are ignored by their husbands and bored with their domestic routines, 247 00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,968 so spend their days on the prowl for sex, often with younger men. 248 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,636 Pursuing their own pleasure, 249 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,222 they boldly violate every social restriction 250 00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,724 placed on Indian women. 251 00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,186 And in the US, a popular porn genre among men 252 00:12:50,269 --> 00:12:52,188 is the humiliation of men. 253 00:12:52,688 --> 00:12:55,941 A white man watches his white girlfriend or wife get ravaged 254 00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,652 by a much stronger and dominant black man... 255 00:12:58,819 --> 00:12:59,862 It's my house. 256 00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:04,408 Ah, it is your house, but I live in it sometimes. 257 00:13:06,494 --> 00:13:09,705 ...playing off a stereotype of black men as sexual threats 258 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,540 that goes back hundreds of years. 259 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:14,752 And then in the 2000s, 260 00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:17,505 a new threat gripped the Western imagination. 261 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,509 Events in Iraq have now reached the final days of decision. 262 00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:26,138 We will tear down the apparatus of terror, and we will help you to build a new Iraq. 263 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:30,351 During the War on Terror, the sexy Sheik genre had a resurgence, 264 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:33,229 peaking in the lead-up to the invasion of Iraq, 265 00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:36,106 with plot points like: "Al Qaeda ties," 266 00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:39,610 "weapons of mass destruction" and "defeating terrorism." 267 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:43,572 Institutionalized racism in the United States seemsto creep 268 00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:45,699 into our sexual fantasies. 269 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,086 And that affects the fantasies of marginalized groups, too. 270 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:52,581 A lot of people who have immigrated here, 271 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:56,418 their ideas of success and safety for their children 272 00:13:56,502 --> 00:13:57,962 is actually just to assimilate, 273 00:13:58,087 --> 00:14:00,047 especially in the Asian-American community. 274 00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:03,175 They want their children mostly to be successful 275 00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,928 in all these other areas that have already been approved 276 00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,096 by this white society. 277 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,315 Which may be why Lehmiller's study 278 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,892 found that the vast majority of Asian-Americans, 279 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,311 whether they fantasize about men or women, 280 00:14:14,436 --> 00:14:17,147 fantasize about white people most of the time. 281 00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,942 And you know there's a long history 282 00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:22,736 of white men fantasizing about Asian women, 283 00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:25,322 as you can see in movies that go back decades. 284 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,240 At this moment, 285 00:14:26,323 --> 00:14:29,493 all my honorable intentions are getting sort of weak in the knees. 286 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,328 Your eyes are as soft... 287 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,706 your hair is pleasant to my touch. 288 00:14:33,789 --> 00:14:35,082 Take clothes off? 289 00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:37,209 No, I've never tried nudes. 290 00:14:38,419 --> 00:14:39,587 Good time to try. 291 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:42,673 There's so much about us that is really about sexualization 292 00:14:42,756 --> 00:14:46,802 from the white perspective or the male gaze, 293 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,680 but it's really not about our sexuality, 294 00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,433 where we have agency, we're telling the story. 295 00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,852 Which is why Yin Q created a web-series, 296 00:14:55,102 --> 00:14:58,689 Mercy Mistress, based on her career as a dominatrix. 297 00:14:59,148 --> 00:15:02,526 For me, I'm hardwired to be kinky. 298 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,570 It's part of my sexual orientation. 299 00:15:04,653 --> 00:15:05,714 It's just part of my queerness. 300 00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:10,367 I was really drawn to Mercy Mistress because I really love the idea 301 00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:14,079 of having an Asian-American dominatrix 302 00:15:14,288 --> 00:15:16,665 talking about her life. 303 00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:21,128 I love any story that's about Asian-American sexuality 304 00:15:21,211 --> 00:15:22,922 because we don't really have one yet. 305 00:15:23,756 --> 00:15:26,133 We may not be able to get rid of our fantasies. 306 00:15:26,425 --> 00:15:29,762 Some researchers say our turn-ons are like languages: 307 00:15:30,095 --> 00:15:33,432 we can't unlearn them, but we can learn new ones. 308 00:15:33,515 --> 00:15:36,936 Just watching porn can also shape people's fantasies as well. 309 00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:39,355 Maybe while you're masturbating and edging, 310 00:15:39,438 --> 00:15:40,898 where you're on the brink of orgasm, 311 00:15:41,023 --> 00:15:42,959 and you come across something that's new and different 312 00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:45,183 that you've never seen before that's maybe really kinky, 313 00:15:45,361 --> 00:15:47,237 because your disgust response is lower 314 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:50,741 that might open the door to you watching that video till the end, 315 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:53,661 at which point you might have this powerful orgasm 316 00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:56,789 that you might start to associate with that that kink. 317 00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,542 And as a result, that might lead you 318 00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,795 to want to fantasize more about that in the future. 319 00:16:03,295 --> 00:16:06,006 And while 79% in Lehmiller's study 320 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:09,426 said they want to act out their favorite fantasy of all time, 321 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:13,013 only 23% said they'd actually tried. 322 00:16:13,222 --> 00:16:15,683 If you're in a loving, intimate relationship, 323 00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,769 where you are sexual with somebody that you're very trusting of them, 324 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:23,232 and you feel like you can share these taboo parts of yourself, 325 00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:26,485 that can be a really good way to sort of see 326 00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:28,445 how intimate we can be. 327 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,674 Real intimacy isn't just sharing the beauty of who we are, 328 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,366 it's also sharing the ugly, 329 00:16:32,449 --> 00:16:35,035 and the ugly can actually be very gratifying. 330 00:16:35,119 --> 00:16:37,621 And if your fantasies are on the violent side, 331 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,165 that requires a lot of communication. 332 00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,852 There's a very safe way to work through all fetishes 333 00:16:42,876 --> 00:16:47,256 and all kinds of ideas and kinks through BDSM. 334 00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:49,758 It's actually a wonderful way to do that. 335 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:53,220 It's one of the great things about sexuality. 336 00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:54,972 It can bring us closer in a way 337 00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,474 that maybe other forms of communication can't. 338 00:16:57,558 --> 00:17:00,519 It's the setting up and the continuous check in 339 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:03,397 of consent that that person that you're playing with 340 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,692 is continuously enjoying what they are experiencing with you, 341 00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:08,819 and that there's actually safe words 342 00:17:08,902 --> 00:17:12,573 that are set up to protect both sides of going too far. 343 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:16,368 Most of our fantasies reflect basic human needs: 344 00:17:16,452 --> 00:17:18,245 Feeling desired and validated, 345 00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,247 breaking out of our routines, 346 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082 and coping with anxieties. 347 00:17:22,541 --> 00:17:25,919 And many of our most popular fantasies mix and match these genres. 348 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:29,089 Like mom fantasies: That's pretty novel. 349 00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:31,383 And it's definitely power play. 350 00:17:31,467 --> 00:17:34,261 Or gangbang fantasies, which are group sex, 351 00:17:34,344 --> 00:17:36,472 usually with a dash of power play. 352 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:39,808 Or The Sheik, which is a racial power play 353 00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,770 and forced sex and romance. 354 00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:46,774 Often fantasies come from a variety of different places: 355 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:50,360 some memory of something, some book that you read. 356 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,988 It becomes this kind of mishmosh in your mind. 357 00:17:53,363 --> 00:17:56,075 But there's a lot of variability in sexual fantasies, 358 00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:59,953 and they don't tell you anything reliable about you. 359 00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:03,540 If you have fantasies that disturb you or scare you, 360 00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:06,376 and you wonder what they mean, they don't mean a lot. 361 00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,712 So, don't worry so much about them. 31961

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.