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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:23,095 (Alarm beeping) 2 00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:28,695 (Alarm stops) 3 00:01:32,302 --> 00:01:35,202 Right, come on, move, l've got work. 4 00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,062 Oi! l said out! 5 00:01:39,162 --> 00:01:40,962 And you. 6 00:01:43,462 --> 00:01:47,462 (Radio) 'The sun goes down tonight at nineteen minutes to five.' 7 00:01:47,562 --> 00:01:51,062 Right, come on, shift your arse, l've got to sign on. 8 00:01:51,162 --> 00:01:55,762 '..in 33 days. Four days to go till the Corrs play live...' 9 00:01:55,862 --> 00:01:57,762 (Dog barking) 10 00:02:00,262 --> 00:02:03,962 That was all right last night, wasn't it? Bit of a laugh. 11 00:02:04,062 --> 00:02:06,062 Am l gonna see you again or what? 12 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,362 - You can see me now. - Oh, fuck off. 13 00:02:15,462 --> 00:02:18,962 - Uncle Stuart! - Call the police! 14 00:02:19,062 --> 00:02:21,062 Mad children on the loose! 15 00:02:21,162 --> 00:02:24,262 They do recognise you. Thomas, say your piece. 16 00:02:24,362 --> 00:02:27,162 Mum says your phone's broke. You never call back. 17 00:02:27,262 --> 00:02:30,562 Tell your mother she's not clever and she's not funny. 18 00:02:30,662 --> 00:02:32,462 - Bye, Stuart. - Bye, Stu. 19 00:02:32,562 --> 00:02:35,162 - See ya. - Who are they? 20 00:02:35,262 --> 00:02:38,662 Those nice men were fixing your uncle's plumbing. 21 00:02:40,762 --> 00:02:43,862 ls that my shirt? ls it ironed? l met this bloke, 22 00:02:43,962 --> 00:02:46,662 thought he was nice but when l woke up... 23 00:02:46,762 --> 00:02:51,062 You could have been dead. Your mother's coming. Shall l tell her? 24 00:02:51,162 --> 00:02:56,562 She's hanging on but if l tell her what you're doing she'll have you back home! 25 00:02:56,662 --> 00:02:59,662 Do you want me to tell her?! Do you? 26 00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,062 No. 27 00:03:02,562 --> 00:03:05,762 - Anything else to say? - Sorry. 28 00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:09,762 You're in this house on a favour, sunshine. 29 00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:11,762 Don't piss me off. 30 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,062 - Hi! - Sorry l'm late. 31 00:03:18,162 --> 00:03:20,162 Here he is. 32 00:03:20,262 --> 00:03:23,362 Scrubbed and pressed. See you tonight! 33 00:03:25,262 --> 00:03:27,562 - Phew. - Why do you bother? 34 00:03:27,662 --> 00:03:31,662 That's for the shoppin'. And a bit extra if he needs any pens. 35 00:03:31,762 --> 00:03:35,662 Don't buy him more than two at once, he's always losing 'em. 36 00:03:38,562 --> 00:03:41,662 Tonight? lt's not much warning, is it? 37 00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:44,162 l know. l did ask Louise but... 38 00:03:45,562 --> 00:03:49,362 Since their dad went they think l'm gonna disappear too. 39 00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,262 lf you baby-sit they'll be so excited. 40 00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:55,162 - What's his name? - Malcolm. 41 00:03:55,262 --> 00:03:57,462 Don't laugh! 42 00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:09,862 lt's just work. l'm up to my eyes. Can't you ask Mum? 43 00:04:10,962 --> 00:04:13,662 - Tell her l have a date? - Good point. 44 00:04:13,762 --> 00:04:15,362 (Kids yelling) 45 00:04:15,462 --> 00:04:19,562 Do you ever go on dates? Proper sit-down-for-dinner dates? 46 00:04:19,662 --> 00:04:22,962 Yeah, yeah, l did once. Shagged the waiter. 47 00:04:25,762 --> 00:04:28,662 OK. l'll do it. 48 00:04:28,762 --> 00:04:33,362 - l'll pick you up usual time. - Don't give me a lift, it's embarrassing. 49 00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:37,362 lf you'd rather not be embarrassed then you know what to do. 50 00:04:37,462 --> 00:04:42,262 Come home tonight, love. Just for tea. Your sister'd love to see you. 51 00:04:42,362 --> 00:04:44,562 And there won't be any trouble. 52 00:04:46,062 --> 00:04:49,762 l'll pick you up tonight. l'm not giving up, Nathan! 53 00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:51,762 l'm not walking out! 54 00:04:52,662 --> 00:04:56,962 There's an offer on coffee, two for one. Might as well stock up. 55 00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:59,362 And double the points on your card. 56 00:04:59,462 --> 00:05:01,262 Get us a box of Weetabix. 57 00:05:02,462 --> 00:05:05,962 - Your breakfast's 20 Bensons. - For Little Lord Fauntleroy. 58 00:05:06,062 --> 00:05:12,462 l'm not shopping for him. What else does he want? Angel Delight? Nappies? 59 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,962 Get me a big box of Surf, l've got double the laundry. 60 00:05:16,062 --> 00:05:19,962 l'd forgotten how much teenage boys masturbate. 61 00:05:20,062 --> 00:05:21,462 Mum! 62 00:05:21,562 --> 00:05:24,862 - Stiff as a board. - Don't wash 'em, l'll have 'em! 63 00:05:24,962 --> 00:05:26,862 Bernard says he'll have 'em. 64 00:05:26,962 --> 00:05:32,262 lt's like an 0898 number. l'll bring the stuff round in the afternoon. 65 00:05:32,362 --> 00:05:37,362 We're having words about Nathan. lt's a fortnight now, it's ridiculous. 66 00:05:40,462 --> 00:05:42,762 'Scuse me, sir. 67 00:05:42,862 --> 00:05:46,562 Sue, put that on staff discount and put my name on it. Ta. 68 00:05:46,662 --> 00:05:48,462 You're busy, l'll just go. 69 00:05:49,662 --> 00:05:52,462 Oh, my God. Sorry. Yeah. 70 00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:55,962 - Cameron. We met at Phil's funeral. - Yeah, course. 71 00:05:56,062 --> 00:05:59,162 - Sorry. Vince. - l know. 72 00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,762 Well, bit of a coincidence. 73 00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:07,862 Not really. Phil told me you worked here so l came looking. 74 00:06:07,962 --> 00:06:11,062 Just thought you might fancy dinner tonight. 75 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:15,362 - Sorry, not at work, you know? - (Whispers) ls that a yes or a no? 76 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,362 l don't know. l might be doing all sorts. 77 00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,462 lt's all right, no pressure. 78 00:06:21,562 --> 00:06:23,362 Here's my card. 79 00:06:23,462 --> 00:06:26,762 - Think about it. - Yeah, right. Nice card. 80 00:06:26,862 --> 00:06:28,862 Call me. 81 00:06:32,962 --> 00:06:34,962 So why has it got to be me? 82 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:39,862 He's dull as ditchwater, wife and three kids, one at Oxford, blah blah blah. 83 00:06:39,962 --> 00:06:42,262 So no shock tactics, just behave. 84 00:06:42,362 --> 00:06:45,762 Nice meal, couple of brandies and get him to sign. 85 00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:47,962 Martin. 86 00:06:48,062 --> 00:06:52,062 - Stuart. l've heard a lot about you. - All of it lies. 87 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,262 Sandra can book us a restaurant 88 00:06:54,362 --> 00:06:57,962 or Bridgewater Hall if you'd prefer a concert. 89 00:06:58,062 --> 00:07:00,162 - (Mobile phone) - Excuse me. 90 00:07:00,262 --> 00:07:02,862 There's a production of Twelfth Night... 91 00:07:02,962 --> 00:07:07,062 - So we're talking now? - Shut your face. Complete emergency. 92 00:07:07,162 --> 00:07:09,562 l've been asked out - on a date. 93 00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:12,362 Do you remember? Cameron Roberts. 94 00:07:12,462 --> 00:07:16,062 We were stood by the buffet, he was taller than you, 95 00:07:16,162 --> 00:07:19,662 - Australian. - Oh, yeah, the blind Australian. 96 00:07:19,762 --> 00:07:21,762 - Was he nice? - Well... 97 00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:26,462 Like, he used to be nice when he was young but he's, what, at least 36 98 00:07:26,562 --> 00:07:30,862 and he's an accountant so he's probably gonna sell me a pension. 99 00:07:30,962 --> 00:07:33,962 - Phil's dead so he's got a gap. - Take the initiative. 100 00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:37,062 Seduce him over the portfolios. 101 00:07:38,162 --> 00:07:40,862 There's other things l could be doing. 102 00:07:40,962 --> 00:07:44,162 Like throwing that kid out of my mother's house. 103 00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:45,862 (Chuckles) 104 00:07:45,962 --> 00:07:48,362 l thought you might apologise. Course not. 105 00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:51,262 A day like that you need a shag at the end of it. 106 00:07:51,362 --> 00:07:55,762 But he's waiting for the next shag so he'll stop there till he gets it. 107 00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:59,762 - Why does it bother you? - Cos every time l go round Hazel's 108 00:07:59,862 --> 00:08:02,362 there he is - she's cookin' him tea! 109 00:08:02,462 --> 00:08:04,562 - (Chuckles) - Same old story. 110 00:08:04,662 --> 00:08:08,562 lt's like that Alan Lucas, he falls in love with you 111 00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:12,462 and ends up locking himself in my bathroom. 112 00:08:12,562 --> 00:08:14,862 Said he wouldn't shift till you come round. 113 00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:18,362 He was in there three hours, he was eating toothpaste! 114 00:08:18,462 --> 00:08:22,262 l couldn't use my own toilet, l had to piss in the sink. 115 00:08:22,362 --> 00:08:25,862 - That's what happens because of you... - Mr Roberts? 116 00:08:25,962 --> 00:08:29,862 Yeah, l've got Mr Tyler here for you. Putting you though. 117 00:08:31,262 --> 00:08:33,162 Go on! 118 00:08:35,762 --> 00:08:37,862 Hi, it's Vince, yeah. 119 00:08:39,162 --> 00:08:41,762 No, he's a trainee. A bit useless. 120 00:08:44,062 --> 00:08:45,962 l'm sort of busy. 121 00:08:46,062 --> 00:08:48,362 Erm, l'll give you a call in a week. 122 00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:53,062 No. The thing is l'm really sort of... 123 00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:02,662 All right then. OK. 124 00:09:06,062 --> 00:09:08,562 l'm having dinner. Eight o'clock tonight. 125 00:09:08,662 --> 00:09:11,262 - Yes! - (Beeps horn) 126 00:09:11,362 --> 00:09:13,262 He's got a date! 127 00:09:13,362 --> 00:09:16,462 l've got a pension. You bastard! 128 00:09:19,162 --> 00:09:21,362 The concert begins at eight so l'll pick you up at ten to. 129 00:09:21,462 --> 00:09:24,462 l did think, er... l mean, the concert. But... 130 00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:27,862 l thought we'd have a touch more fun, you know, 131 00:09:27,962 --> 00:09:31,762 - if we went to your sort of place. - My sort of place? 132 00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,262 Your sort of place. 133 00:09:34,362 --> 00:09:37,362 Jesus Christ, is there no one straight left in the world? 134 00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,362 Martin! Twist my arm! 135 00:09:41,262 --> 00:09:43,762 That history project, when's it due? 136 00:09:43,862 --> 00:09:45,762 Monday. 137 00:09:45,862 --> 00:09:48,962 l'll take a look at it Sunday. ls that all right? 138 00:09:49,062 --> 00:09:50,962 Fine. Come for tea. 139 00:09:51,062 --> 00:09:54,862 - lt's like having two mothers! - And whose fault is that? 140 00:09:59,562 --> 00:10:02,062 Give it time, we'll wear him down. 141 00:10:04,462 --> 00:10:06,862 l've banned EastEnders. He's livid. 142 00:10:06,962 --> 00:10:10,462 lt's simple - you go upstairs, you pack his bags, 143 00:10:10,562 --> 00:10:12,762 shove him in the car and take him home. 144 00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:17,662 - Who's in charge, you or him? - He says, ''London'' every time l try. 145 00:10:17,762 --> 00:10:21,462 And he could - plenty of boys his age just take off and... 146 00:10:23,662 --> 00:10:27,162 He likes it here too much. While he's here he's safe. 147 00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:30,762 - What have l done wrong? - He's 15, that's all. 148 00:10:30,862 --> 00:10:35,662 Happens all over. Some boys don't come out of the closet - they explode. 149 00:10:35,762 --> 00:10:38,562 What about his dad? Can't he do anything? 150 00:10:38,662 --> 00:10:42,762 He won't talk about it. Won't talk at all. l can't tell anyone. 151 00:10:42,862 --> 00:10:47,162 lf l tell his school they'll tell social services - they'll have to. 152 00:10:47,262 --> 00:10:49,162 And then there's Helen. 153 00:10:49,262 --> 00:10:53,762 She gets interviewed and her name on a register at ten years old. 154 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:58,262 - No, all they'd do is visit. - Oh, you'd know, wouldn't you? 155 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,962 l'm sorry, l didn't mean... 156 00:11:05,762 --> 00:11:10,962 Got it wrong, didn't l? Somewhere along the line l got it all wrong. 157 00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:14,562 But he'll be all right, won't he? 158 00:11:14,662 --> 00:11:17,662 lf he's out on Canal Street, keep an eye on him. 159 00:11:17,762 --> 00:11:20,862 - Course l will. - Thanks, l'd better... 160 00:11:21,962 --> 00:11:23,662 Thank you. 161 00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:30,362 Oh, well done, Vince, reduce a grown woman to tears. 162 00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:35,762 Like no one's talked to her before. What's the matter with you? 163 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,862 l've got a date. 164 00:11:41,762 --> 00:11:44,262 No. l don't want a pension. 165 00:11:44,362 --> 00:11:46,662 Cameron, just stop right there. 166 00:11:46,762 --> 00:11:49,762 No pension. No. 167 00:11:53,862 --> 00:11:55,662 lt's all your fault. 168 00:11:55,762 --> 00:11:59,762 lf l end up with life insurance and endowment policies and things 169 00:11:59,862 --> 00:12:01,862 you're paying for it, all right? 170 00:12:01,962 --> 00:12:05,262 - Where are you anyway? - We're going to Via Fossa. 171 00:12:05,362 --> 00:12:09,162 l've got a new friend called Martin so you won't be missed. 172 00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,162 Thanks a lot. 173 00:12:11,262 --> 00:12:13,262 Oh, my God, l'm here. 174 00:12:13,362 --> 00:12:15,162 l'm going in. 175 00:12:15,262 --> 00:12:17,962 Good luck. Keep your phone on. And Vince? 176 00:12:18,062 --> 00:12:21,162 Just remember one thing - you're fantastic. 177 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,362 l'm a fantastic twat. 178 00:12:32,262 --> 00:12:34,562 ls the Rembrandt still going? 179 00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:37,262 Yeah, l go there. And Via Fossa. 180 00:12:37,362 --> 00:12:40,062 And the Union, and Manto's, and Metz. 181 00:12:40,162 --> 00:12:43,262 And Napoleon's, New York New York. And Cruz. 182 00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,362 And Babylon and Paradise. 183 00:12:45,462 --> 00:12:48,062 And Poptastic. Just every now and then. 184 00:12:49,162 --> 00:12:52,362 - You're officially a scene queen. - l'm not. 185 00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:56,962 l just go out a lot. How come you don't? 186 00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:01,962 (Sighs) What is on that street that can surprise me? 187 00:13:02,062 --> 00:13:04,562 But how are you gonna meet someone? 188 00:13:05,662 --> 00:13:06,962 Hello. 189 00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:08,762 Right. Yeah. 190 00:13:08,862 --> 00:13:11,962 Are you having a starter? l never have a starter. 191 00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:15,262 Yes, l will, l'm starving. l'm having a starter. 192 00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,962 Blimey, look, there's hundreds of 'em! 193 00:13:18,062 --> 00:13:20,162 Where's that wine? 194 00:13:20,262 --> 00:13:22,562 (& Abba: Mamma Mia) 195 00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,162 See anyone you like? 196 00:13:27,262 --> 00:13:30,262 - There is one. - Which one? l might know him. 197 00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:37,162 - Oh, right. - Sorry. 198 00:13:37,262 --> 00:13:39,662 l don't suppose that...? 199 00:13:39,762 --> 00:13:42,562 You wouldn't, not in a million years but... 200 00:13:44,162 --> 00:13:47,362 l'll sign the contract if you're prepared to... 201 00:13:47,462 --> 00:13:51,562 l mean it. l will, l'll sign...if... 202 00:13:52,762 --> 00:13:55,662 That was my boyfriend on the phone - Vince. 203 00:13:55,762 --> 00:13:58,162 He's seeing his accountant tonight. 204 00:13:58,262 --> 00:14:00,062 That's OK. 205 00:14:00,162 --> 00:14:02,362 l-l'll sign it anyway. 206 00:14:02,462 --> 00:14:04,362 Sorry. 207 00:14:04,462 --> 00:14:08,862 Tell you what, what about him? Tall blond one, he's up for anything. 208 00:14:08,962 --> 00:14:10,862 l'll put in a good word for you. 209 00:14:10,962 --> 00:14:13,962 - How old is he? - 15. 210 00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:17,162 15? That's a bit revolting, isn't it? 211 00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:19,562 Absolutely. 212 00:14:20,962 --> 00:14:25,962 Nathan, l can see you now. Bet you can't remember my name, you dirty shagger. 213 00:14:26,062 --> 00:14:28,662 - You hanging round for a bit? - No, we're going. 214 00:14:28,762 --> 00:14:31,162 - We just got here. - We're going. 215 00:14:31,262 --> 00:14:33,162 Nathan, love, calm down. 216 00:14:33,262 --> 00:14:36,862 This might come as a shock but l'm not in love with you. 217 00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:42,262 Back in a minute. l'll have a dry martini. lt's Daniel, by the way. Dazz. 218 00:14:43,362 --> 00:14:47,862 Daniel from last night? Daniel the six foot two barrister with a BMW? 219 00:14:47,962 --> 00:14:50,162 No, that's a different Daniel! 220 00:14:50,262 --> 00:14:51,862 (Laughs) 221 00:14:51,962 --> 00:14:53,762 (Laughs sarcastically) 222 00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:57,862 lt's a nightmare. He says he's 36, the liar. 223 00:14:57,962 --> 00:15:01,462 He's an old man. lt's like the auditions for Cocoon 3. 224 00:15:01,562 --> 00:15:05,562 Tell him that story about the broken leg. That always works. 225 00:15:05,662 --> 00:15:07,762 ls that Vince? Say hello from me. 226 00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:10,062 Er, some twat says hello. 227 00:15:10,162 --> 00:15:14,262 ls it Nathan? His mother had a right go at me. Keep an eye on him. 228 00:15:14,362 --> 00:15:18,062 Never mind him, just think about yourself for once. 229 00:15:24,362 --> 00:15:29,162 We could go somewhere afterwards. ls Cruz open? You're the expert. 230 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:34,462 Listen, l've got to make this call - there's this boy and no one's looking after him. 231 00:15:34,562 --> 00:15:36,462 You don't mind? 232 00:15:39,162 --> 00:15:43,062 Stuart, seriously, it's your fault he's left home. 233 00:15:43,162 --> 00:15:45,562 - (Beep) - Hold on, call waiting. 234 00:15:46,662 --> 00:15:49,062 - Yeah? - Stuart, thank you so much. 235 00:15:49,162 --> 00:15:52,462 That's all Ben needs, another man to abandon him. 236 00:15:52,562 --> 00:15:56,462 l did leave a message. lt's an emergency, l've got to work. 237 00:15:56,562 --> 00:16:00,762 You're in a bar - l can hear it! How many dates do you think l get... 238 00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,662 - (Beep) - 'Hold on.' 239 00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,262 - Yeah? - Are you with Martin Brooks? 240 00:16:06,362 --> 00:16:10,762 His wife's on the phone, she's had the roof fall in or something. 241 00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:13,662 - Martin, it's your wife. - l'm not here. 242 00:16:13,762 --> 00:16:16,662 - He's not here. - Call waiting. He's busy. 243 00:16:16,762 --> 00:16:20,462 Look, could you put it down just for a minute? 244 00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:23,562 - (Beeping) - Yeah. Sure. Sorry. 245 00:16:23,662 --> 00:16:26,962 - lf you want to go clubbing, l... - (Mobile phone) 246 00:16:27,062 --> 00:16:30,362 Sorry, l promised his mother. Hello? 247 00:16:30,462 --> 00:16:33,762 - Vince, put him on the phone. - l'm not with Stuart. 248 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:37,162 You're always with him! l was supposed to be on a date! 249 00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:41,162 Marie, honestly, l'm not. Hold on. Call waiting. 250 00:16:41,262 --> 00:16:42,562 (Beeps) 251 00:16:42,662 --> 00:16:44,762 - Yeah? - Vince, put him on. 252 00:16:44,862 --> 00:16:48,162 l know he's taken Martin Brooks to some dive. 253 00:16:48,262 --> 00:16:50,962 - l'm not with Stuart. - His wife's going mental. 254 00:16:51,062 --> 00:16:53,262 - Whose wife? - Martin Brooks'! 255 00:16:53,362 --> 00:16:55,462 - Who's Martin Brooks? - (Beep) 256 00:16:55,562 --> 00:16:58,762 Hold on, call waiting. What?! 257 00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:01,362 - You hung up. - Are you with Martin Brooks? 258 00:17:01,462 --> 00:17:04,362 - How do you know him? - Sandra's chasing him. 259 00:17:04,462 --> 00:17:07,062 - l've never heard of him! - 'Hold on.' 260 00:17:07,162 --> 00:17:10,762 - He's not with Martin Brooks. - Who's Martin Brooks? 261 00:17:10,862 --> 00:17:16,162 - Sorry, wrong one. No Martin Brooks. - He is and his roof has fallen in! 262 00:17:16,262 --> 00:17:19,662 - Whose roof? - Martin Brooks'! 263 00:17:19,762 --> 00:17:24,762 - Marie, is your date with Martin Brooks? - Who the fuck is Martin Brooks?! 264 00:17:24,862 --> 00:17:29,062 - He's got a wife and a dodgy roof. - l know him. Let me have a word. 265 00:17:35,362 --> 00:17:37,762 Oi! That's my phone! 266 00:17:46,462 --> 00:17:48,362 Call me. 267 00:17:51,462 --> 00:17:52,762 What with? 268 00:17:53,862 --> 00:17:56,662 (& Blondie: Picture This) 269 00:17:56,762 --> 00:18:00,562 - Bastard accountants. - Sweetheart, l've missed you. 270 00:18:02,162 --> 00:18:04,562 l'm stocking up on this aftershave. 271 00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:08,162 Oi, Donna says you've had him. 272 00:18:08,262 --> 00:18:12,362 Well, that's the last you'll see of him. He's a chicken hawk. 273 00:18:12,462 --> 00:18:16,762 Buy you dinner but once they've shagged you they won't look at you. 274 00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,962 - l've had him twice. - He never bought you dinner. 275 00:18:20,062 --> 00:18:22,762 - Do you like him? - He's all right. 276 00:18:22,862 --> 00:18:26,362 Oh! Like Nathan's not completely in love? 277 00:18:26,462 --> 00:18:30,762 Word of advice - he can swan about but there's one thing he's short of, 278 00:18:30,862 --> 00:18:33,062 he's not young and he knows it. 279 00:18:33,162 --> 00:18:35,462 Your age, you can make him beg. 280 00:18:36,262 --> 00:18:38,162 - What's your name? - Adrian. 281 00:18:38,262 --> 00:18:40,762 Martin. Martin, Adrian. Off you go. 282 00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,162 Drink? 283 00:18:42,262 --> 00:18:44,162 (& Abba: SOS) 284 00:18:44,262 --> 00:18:48,062 - Waste of time, he didn't even like me. - He must have. 285 00:18:48,162 --> 00:18:51,862 No shag. He's gay, we go out on a date. Where's the shag? 286 00:18:51,962 --> 00:18:56,562 l don't care. See that bloke there? He's been looking. l'm going over. 287 00:18:56,662 --> 00:19:01,562 - He asked you out, he kissed you. - Then he went home! lt's unnatural. 288 00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:04,562 ls it so hard to believe someone fancies you? 289 00:19:04,662 --> 00:19:07,062 l don't care. l'm shagging. l am. 290 00:19:16,062 --> 00:19:18,462 (Donna laughing) 291 00:19:31,562 --> 00:19:34,562 Sorry, d'you mind shutting your mouth a bit? 292 00:19:34,662 --> 00:19:36,562 Yeah, sure. 293 00:19:38,662 --> 00:19:40,162 Er... 294 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:43,762 lt's just more sexy if you keep your mouth shut a bit. 295 00:19:43,862 --> 00:19:45,762 Yeah, sure. 296 00:19:48,862 --> 00:19:51,762 Oh, my God, you've got Genesis Of The Daleks! 297 00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:54,362 - Yeah? - Can we watch it? 298 00:19:54,462 --> 00:19:58,762 - We can watch it after, yeah? - Oh! Can we watch it now? 299 00:19:58,862 --> 00:20:00,162 Please? 300 00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:05,062 - 'Davros!' - 'Exterminate! Exterminate!' 301 00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,962 'Exterminate!' 302 00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:10,262 Cos this is the first time Davros ever appeared, 303 00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:14,162 he's manipulating the war between the Kaleds and the Thals. 304 00:20:14,262 --> 00:20:17,562 - l know. - Cos they were the first Daleks ever 305 00:20:17,662 --> 00:20:20,962 and they were called the Mark Three Travel Machine. 306 00:20:21,062 --> 00:20:23,062 l know, it's my tape. 307 00:20:24,262 --> 00:20:28,362 Three more episodes! Molto bene, molto! 308 00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:30,662 (Davros) '..the supreme creature, 309 00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:33,962 'the ultimate conqueror of the universe! The Dalek!' 310 00:20:35,462 --> 00:20:37,762 lt was all right. lt was nice. 311 00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,862 Apart from the spitting. 312 00:20:39,962 --> 00:20:41,862 l suppose you got lucky? 313 00:20:43,862 --> 00:20:48,062 Good clubs, though. Must be marvellous doing that all the time. 314 00:20:48,162 --> 00:20:50,562 - Do you think? - Should be good tonight. 315 00:20:50,662 --> 00:20:52,962 What time is your train at? 316 00:20:54,062 --> 00:20:55,962 Oh, l'll call and cancel. 317 00:20:56,062 --> 00:20:58,762 - l'll tell Anne l've got to work. - Fine. 318 00:20:58,862 --> 00:21:02,562 Cancel, go ahead, get pissed, get shagged. Fine! 319 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:06,662 Do it again and again, get shagged every night of your life. 320 00:21:06,762 --> 00:21:09,162 Forget your wife, forget your kids. 321 00:21:09,262 --> 00:21:13,162 Just don't be a tourist. You either do it or you don't. 322 00:21:13,262 --> 00:21:16,062 So what's it gonna be? Staying or going? 323 00:21:18,162 --> 00:21:20,762 My train's at half past. 324 00:21:27,062 --> 00:21:30,162 They're all talking. Amanda Boyce for starters. 325 00:21:30,262 --> 00:21:31,962 What did she say? 326 00:21:32,062 --> 00:21:35,462 ''How come Nathan doesn't walk to school any more?'' 327 00:21:35,562 --> 00:21:40,362 And Chinese Susan says, ''He's never home. lt's like there's a divorce.'' 328 00:21:40,462 --> 00:21:42,362 What did you say? 329 00:21:42,462 --> 00:21:44,862 l said nothing. l said l don't know. 330 00:21:44,962 --> 00:21:47,862 - That is brilliant! - No, it's not! 331 00:21:47,962 --> 00:21:52,162 lf school hears, you'll have education welfare down your back. 332 00:21:52,262 --> 00:21:55,762 lt happened to Billy Valentine. They put him in care. 333 00:21:55,862 --> 00:21:59,662 - And he had real problems. - l've got real problems! 334 00:21:59,762 --> 00:22:04,162 Oh, like what? Like your mother's been going through your things? 335 00:22:04,262 --> 00:22:06,862 - Big deal! - She knew everything! 336 00:22:06,862 --> 00:22:08,762 She'd been spying! 337 00:22:08,862 --> 00:22:11,462 So? She's your mother, it's her job! 338 00:22:12,462 --> 00:22:15,962 She thinks if l move back home l'll go back to normal. 339 00:22:16,062 --> 00:22:18,362 Like l'm sick and l'll get better. 340 00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:22,162 - She never said that. - You don't know her! You know nothing! 341 00:22:22,262 --> 00:22:25,362 Cos you're straight! You're part of the system! 342 00:22:25,462 --> 00:22:28,062 The fascist heterosexual orthodoxy! 343 00:22:28,062 --> 00:22:30,862 l'm black and l'm a girl. 344 00:22:30,962 --> 00:22:33,162 Try that for a week. 345 00:22:33,262 --> 00:22:38,162 - l'm late, l'm on the midday shift. - You've got The Seeds Of Death! 346 00:22:38,262 --> 00:22:40,162 lt's a classic! 347 00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:46,562 l'll...come round and watch it some time. ls that all right? 348 00:22:46,662 --> 00:22:48,562 Yeah. 349 00:22:50,362 --> 00:22:52,662 Well...bye. 350 00:22:54,262 --> 00:22:56,562 Beware the Mentiads! 351 00:22:59,662 --> 00:23:00,762 (Door closes) 352 00:23:02,562 --> 00:23:05,162 l took him to Alderley Edge, he loved it. 353 00:23:05,262 --> 00:23:07,562 - Vince not with you? - Should he be? 354 00:23:07,662 --> 00:23:12,762 l was talking to Alfred. We've been entertaining another of your babies. 355 00:23:12,862 --> 00:23:16,862 When Helen was five she used to ride piggyback. Hiya. 356 00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:19,562 - Why are you here? - l was passing. 357 00:23:19,662 --> 00:23:23,362 Weekends, l could look after Alfred. You know, baby-sit. 358 00:23:23,462 --> 00:23:26,562 You work all week you must be worn out at your age. 359 00:23:26,662 --> 00:23:30,062 We like Nathan. Nathan can stay. 360 00:23:32,662 --> 00:23:35,962 lt's like having a houseboy - he could do the garden! 361 00:23:36,062 --> 00:23:39,962 lt's the Stuart Jones Foundation For Fallen Boys. 362 00:23:40,062 --> 00:23:44,462 - Can l help it if he's obsessed? - At 15? What does that make you? 363 00:23:44,562 --> 00:23:47,362 - A train set? A PlayStation? - (Laughing) 364 00:23:48,662 --> 00:23:53,062 (Ghanaian accent) Sorry, am l interrupting? This must be Stuart? 365 00:23:53,162 --> 00:23:55,262 Heard all about you, mate. 366 00:23:55,362 --> 00:23:57,962 l have heard nothing about you, mate. 367 00:23:58,062 --> 00:24:00,962 Lance. Lance Ampomah. Nice to meet you. 368 00:24:01,062 --> 00:24:05,562 l have told you. Lance works at the university. We did a seminar on ethics. 369 00:24:05,662 --> 00:24:07,562 lf you listened. 370 00:24:07,662 --> 00:24:11,962 He's moved in. He's got the room at the back. Our token straight. 371 00:24:12,062 --> 00:24:15,662 Oh, look at Alfie. lsn't he hot in that? Do you mind? 372 00:24:20,162 --> 00:24:23,762 - (Crying) - Oh, oh, oh, come here big fella, yes? 373 00:24:24,862 --> 00:24:27,062 Er, moved in since when? 374 00:24:27,162 --> 00:24:30,762 Oh, it's not for long. My visa expires in five months. 375 00:24:30,862 --> 00:24:35,562 l had to move flats last week so Romey helped me out. 376 00:24:35,662 --> 00:24:37,962 l'm another one of her lost causes. 377 00:24:38,062 --> 00:24:40,962 You can't turn your back on this house. 378 00:24:41,062 --> 00:24:43,062 And yet you still do. 379 00:24:44,662 --> 00:24:46,562 (Lance) Oh, there we go. 380 00:24:46,662 --> 00:24:49,562 - Look at that. Oh... - (Gurgling) 381 00:24:49,662 --> 00:24:51,662 Oh-oh, who can fly then? 382 00:24:51,762 --> 00:24:55,162 Yes. Yes, you can. And again! 383 00:25:04,262 --> 00:25:08,362 Knock knock. lt's Eileen's last day, we're going for a drink. 384 00:25:08,462 --> 00:25:11,762 - D'you fancy coming? - Er, no... Sort of busy. 385 00:25:12,862 --> 00:25:16,562 - Anything interesting? - No, just this friend. 386 00:25:16,662 --> 00:25:19,762 - l might not go. - ls it a date? 387 00:25:19,862 --> 00:25:21,962 Erm... 388 00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:23,762 Might be. 389 00:25:25,062 --> 00:25:27,162 Have a good time. Good for you. 390 00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:32,762 lf you don't go we'll be in the Feathers at seven. 391 00:25:51,362 --> 00:25:53,362 Hello, it's me, Vince. 392 00:26:05,062 --> 00:26:07,062 l did phone. l left a message. 393 00:26:07,162 --> 00:26:11,562 ls this what you do on Saturdays, apologise for the week? 394 00:26:13,362 --> 00:26:16,562 The childminder's a bit stupid with messages. 395 00:26:16,662 --> 00:26:19,662 - Get an answerphone. - l had one. Robert took it. 396 00:26:19,762 --> 00:26:21,762 Here, get a new one. 397 00:26:21,862 --> 00:26:24,862 The car needs a service, the clutch is going. 398 00:26:26,062 --> 00:26:28,462 - How much? - 200. 399 00:26:29,762 --> 00:26:34,362 And Tom's nagging for software, he wants a new graphics package. 400 00:26:34,462 --> 00:26:36,262 Just call it 500, yeah? 401 00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:37,762 Fine. 402 00:26:38,762 --> 00:26:42,362 - Oh, Mum and Dad are getting a divorce. - Yeah, yeah. Funny. 403 00:26:42,462 --> 00:26:46,362 You've been to see them? Driven all of ten miles to see them? 404 00:26:46,462 --> 00:26:49,662 Course, they don't tell golden boy. l get it all. 405 00:26:49,762 --> 00:26:53,862 - What have they said? - You could just write them a cheque. 406 00:26:53,962 --> 00:26:57,962 lf you don't believe me, go and see them. l'll draw you a map. 407 00:26:59,362 --> 00:27:01,662 (& Pounding techno) 408 00:27:05,462 --> 00:27:09,062 Honestly, l don't mind, we could go down Castlefield. 409 00:27:09,162 --> 00:27:11,162 You like this place, you said. 410 00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:14,162 lt's your day, we're doing what you like. 411 00:27:16,662 --> 00:27:19,762 Problem is, it all starts to look the same. 412 00:27:19,862 --> 00:27:23,962 l spent three years in Sydney, you know? lt's fantastic. 413 00:27:24,062 --> 00:27:27,962 The scene's huge, hundreds of pubs, and then l come here, 414 00:27:28,062 --> 00:27:30,962 halfway across the world and what do l find? 415 00:27:31,062 --> 00:27:34,562 The same men standing in the same clubs. 416 00:27:36,162 --> 00:27:39,962 - Yeah. What's the same? - The men. 417 00:27:40,062 --> 00:27:42,062 Right. 418 00:27:42,162 --> 00:27:45,362 - Same as what? - The same as Sydney. 419 00:27:45,462 --> 00:27:48,362 - She was at the funeral, that woman. - What woman? 420 00:27:48,462 --> 00:27:50,662 (Cameron) That one there. 421 00:27:50,762 --> 00:27:53,662 Hey! Where the fuck have you been?! 422 00:27:53,762 --> 00:27:56,862 Hiya. Stuart, Cameron. You've met. 423 00:27:56,962 --> 00:27:59,662 That's right, yeah, we met by the buffet. 424 00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:02,962 l liked that buffet, it was fucking excellent. 425 00:28:03,062 --> 00:28:05,462 - You're pissed. - Get me a drink! 426 00:28:15,062 --> 00:28:18,562 (& Touch And Go: Would You Go To Bed With Me? ) 427 00:28:24,362 --> 00:28:26,262 & Would you go to bed with me? & 428 00:28:26,362 --> 00:28:30,262 - What does an account director do? - l direct accounts. 429 00:28:31,662 --> 00:28:34,962 Some of it's shit but some of the clients are good. 430 00:28:35,062 --> 00:28:38,162 Manchester indie labels, that sort of thing. 431 00:28:38,262 --> 00:28:40,162 l could do it in my sleep. 432 00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:44,062 l don't know. l'm thinking about moving. 433 00:28:45,162 --> 00:28:47,062 l'm lookin' around. 434 00:28:48,262 --> 00:28:51,062 - What for? - Anything. 435 00:28:52,462 --> 00:28:57,162 There's always something better, isn't there? Waiting to come along. 436 00:28:58,262 --> 00:29:00,162 D'you know that feeling? 437 00:29:01,162 --> 00:29:03,162 Here you go. 438 00:29:04,262 --> 00:29:06,662 You took your time. l missed you. 439 00:29:08,362 --> 00:29:10,362 Oh, don't mind me. 440 00:29:11,862 --> 00:29:15,362 - Where's he going? - Up his own arse. 441 00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,862 There it is. Not much. D'you want a drink? 442 00:29:26,962 --> 00:29:29,862 - You having one? - Just one. l can't stay up. 443 00:29:29,962 --> 00:29:31,962 l'm working first thing. 444 00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,762 - Gin and tonic. - Yeah? Gin and tonic. 445 00:29:34,862 --> 00:29:39,462 Sorry about Stuart. l haven't seen him that pissed in ages. 446 00:29:39,562 --> 00:29:41,662 Some friend. He made a pass at me. 447 00:29:42,762 --> 00:29:44,762 No, he's always like that. 448 00:29:44,862 --> 00:29:48,362 Vince, l've been around the block. He was making a pass. 449 00:29:48,462 --> 00:29:51,062 No, really, he wouldn't fancy you. 450 00:29:51,162 --> 00:29:53,062 Thanks(!) 451 00:29:53,962 --> 00:29:56,562 No, l mean... 452 00:29:58,262 --> 00:30:00,962 lt's just types, you know? He wouldn't. 453 00:30:02,662 --> 00:30:04,562 He did. 454 00:30:08,562 --> 00:30:10,962 lt's nice. Nice place. 455 00:30:11,062 --> 00:30:14,762 Ahh... Doctor Who. 456 00:30:14,862 --> 00:30:18,162 We used to get that. Scared me as a kid. 457 00:30:19,262 --> 00:30:21,662 The one with the shop window dummies. 458 00:30:21,762 --> 00:30:24,962 And that one with the maggots. That was good. 459 00:30:26,662 --> 00:30:30,762 How many tapes have you got? You one of those anorak blokes? 460 00:30:42,862 --> 00:30:44,962 - Your tapes! - Sod the tapes! 461 00:30:56,062 --> 00:30:58,062 Which tapes?34615

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