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1
00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:23,095
(Alarm beeping)
2
00:01:27,195 --> 00:01:28,695
(Alarm stops)
3
00:01:32,302 --> 00:01:35,202
Right, come on, move, l've got work.
4
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,062
Oi! l said out!
5
00:01:39,162 --> 00:01:40,962
And you.
6
00:01:43,462 --> 00:01:47,462
(Radio) 'The sun goes down tonight
at nineteen minutes to five.'
7
00:01:47,562 --> 00:01:51,062
Right, come on, shift your arse,
l've got to sign on.
8
00:01:51,162 --> 00:01:55,762
'..in 33 days. Four days to go
till the Corrs play live...'
9
00:01:55,862 --> 00:01:57,762
(Dog barking)
10
00:02:00,262 --> 00:02:03,962
That was all right last night, wasn't it?
Bit of a laugh.
11
00:02:04,062 --> 00:02:06,062
Am l gonna see you again or what?
12
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:11,362
- You can see me now.
- Oh, fuck off.
13
00:02:15,462 --> 00:02:18,962
- Uncle Stuart!
- Call the police!
14
00:02:19,062 --> 00:02:21,062
Mad children on the loose!
15
00:02:21,162 --> 00:02:24,262
They do recognise you.
Thomas, say your piece.
16
00:02:24,362 --> 00:02:27,162
Mum says your phone's broke.
You never call back.
17
00:02:27,262 --> 00:02:30,562
Tell your mother she's not clever
and she's not funny.
18
00:02:30,662 --> 00:02:32,462
- Bye, Stuart.
- Bye, Stu.
19
00:02:32,562 --> 00:02:35,162
- See ya.
- Who are they?
20
00:02:35,262 --> 00:02:38,662
Those nice men were
fixing your uncle's plumbing.
21
00:02:40,762 --> 00:02:43,862
ls that my shirt? ls it ironed?
l met this bloke,
22
00:02:43,962 --> 00:02:46,662
thought he was nice
but when l woke up...
23
00:02:46,762 --> 00:02:51,062
You could have been dead.
Your mother's coming. Shall l tell her?
24
00:02:51,162 --> 00:02:56,562
She's hanging on but if l tell her what
you're doing she'll have you back home!
25
00:02:56,662 --> 00:02:59,662
Do you want me to tell her?! Do you?
26
00:02:59,762 --> 00:03:01,062
No.
27
00:03:02,562 --> 00:03:05,762
- Anything else to say?
- Sorry.
28
00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:09,762
You're in this house
on a favour, sunshine.
29
00:03:09,862 --> 00:03:11,762
Don't piss me off.
30
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,062
- Hi!
- Sorry l'm late.
31
00:03:18,162 --> 00:03:20,162
Here he is.
32
00:03:20,262 --> 00:03:23,362
Scrubbed and pressed. See you tonight!
33
00:03:25,262 --> 00:03:27,562
- Phew.
- Why do you bother?
34
00:03:27,662 --> 00:03:31,662
That's for the shoppin'.
And a bit extra if he needs any pens.
35
00:03:31,762 --> 00:03:35,662
Don't buy him more than two at once,
he's always losing 'em.
36
00:03:38,562 --> 00:03:41,662
Tonight? lt's not much warning, is it?
37
00:03:41,762 --> 00:03:44,162
l know. l did ask Louise but...
38
00:03:45,562 --> 00:03:49,362
Since their dad went
they think l'm gonna disappear too.
39
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:52,262
lf you baby-sit they'll be so excited.
40
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:55,162
- What's his name?
- Malcolm.
41
00:03:55,262 --> 00:03:57,462
Don't laugh!
42
00:04:05,862 --> 00:04:09,862
lt's just work. l'm up to my eyes.
Can't you ask Mum?
43
00:04:10,962 --> 00:04:13,662
- Tell her l have a date?
- Good point.
44
00:04:13,762 --> 00:04:15,362
(Kids yelling)
45
00:04:15,462 --> 00:04:19,562
Do you ever go on dates?
Proper sit-down-for-dinner dates?
46
00:04:19,662 --> 00:04:22,962
Yeah, yeah, l did once.
Shagged the waiter.
47
00:04:25,762 --> 00:04:28,662
OK. l'll do it.
48
00:04:28,762 --> 00:04:33,362
- l'll pick you up usual time.
- Don't give me a lift, it's embarrassing.
49
00:04:33,462 --> 00:04:37,362
lf you'd rather not be embarrassed
then you know what to do.
50
00:04:37,462 --> 00:04:42,262
Come home tonight, love. Just for tea.
Your sister'd love to see you.
51
00:04:42,362 --> 00:04:44,562
And there won't be any trouble.
52
00:04:46,062 --> 00:04:49,762
l'll pick you up tonight.
l'm not giving up, Nathan!
53
00:04:49,862 --> 00:04:51,762
l'm not walking out!
54
00:04:52,662 --> 00:04:56,962
There's an offer on coffee, two for one.
Might as well stock up.
55
00:04:57,062 --> 00:04:59,362
And double the points on your card.
56
00:04:59,462 --> 00:05:01,262
Get us a box of Weetabix.
57
00:05:02,462 --> 00:05:05,962
- Your breakfast's 20 Bensons.
- For Little Lord Fauntleroy.
58
00:05:06,062 --> 00:05:12,462
l'm not shopping for him. What else
does he want? Angel Delight? Nappies?
59
00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,962
Get me a big box of Surf,
l've got double the laundry.
60
00:05:16,062 --> 00:05:19,962
l'd forgotten how much
teenage boys masturbate.
61
00:05:20,062 --> 00:05:21,462
Mum!
62
00:05:21,562 --> 00:05:24,862
- Stiff as a board.
- Don't wash 'em, l'll have 'em!
63
00:05:24,962 --> 00:05:26,862
Bernard says he'll have 'em.
64
00:05:26,962 --> 00:05:32,262
lt's like an 0898 number.
l'll bring the stuff round in the afternoon.
65
00:05:32,362 --> 00:05:37,362
We're having words about Nathan.
lt's a fortnight now, it's ridiculous.
66
00:05:40,462 --> 00:05:42,762
'Scuse me, sir.
67
00:05:42,862 --> 00:05:46,562
Sue, put that on staff discount
and put my name on it. Ta.
68
00:05:46,662 --> 00:05:48,462
You're busy, l'll just go.
69
00:05:49,662 --> 00:05:52,462
Oh, my God. Sorry. Yeah.
70
00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:55,962
- Cameron. We met at Phil's funeral.
- Yeah, course.
71
00:05:56,062 --> 00:05:59,162
- Sorry. Vince.
- l know.
72
00:06:01,362 --> 00:06:03,762
Well, bit of a coincidence.
73
00:06:03,862 --> 00:06:07,862
Not really. Phil told me you worked here
so l came looking.
74
00:06:07,962 --> 00:06:11,062
Just thought you might
fancy dinner tonight.
75
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:15,362
- Sorry, not at work, you know?
- (Whispers) ls that a yes or a no?
76
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:18,362
l don't know. l might be doing all sorts.
77
00:06:18,462 --> 00:06:20,462
lt's all right, no pressure.
78
00:06:21,562 --> 00:06:23,362
Here's my card.
79
00:06:23,462 --> 00:06:26,762
- Think about it.
- Yeah, right. Nice card.
80
00:06:26,862 --> 00:06:28,862
Call me.
81
00:06:32,962 --> 00:06:34,962
So why has it got to be me?
82
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:39,862
He's dull as ditchwater, wife and three
kids, one at Oxford, blah blah blah.
83
00:06:39,962 --> 00:06:42,262
So no shock tactics, just behave.
84
00:06:42,362 --> 00:06:45,762
Nice meal, couple of brandies
and get him to sign.
85
00:06:45,862 --> 00:06:47,962
Martin.
86
00:06:48,062 --> 00:06:52,062
- Stuart. l've heard a lot about you.
- All of it lies.
87
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,262
Sandra can book us a restaurant
88
00:06:54,362 --> 00:06:57,962
or Bridgewater Hall
if you'd prefer a concert.
89
00:06:58,062 --> 00:07:00,162
- (Mobile phone)
- Excuse me.
90
00:07:00,262 --> 00:07:02,862
There's a production of Twelfth Night...
91
00:07:02,962 --> 00:07:07,062
- So we're talking now?
- Shut your face. Complete emergency.
92
00:07:07,162 --> 00:07:09,562
l've been asked out - on a date.
93
00:07:09,662 --> 00:07:12,362
Do you remember? Cameron Roberts.
94
00:07:12,462 --> 00:07:16,062
We were stood by the buffet,
he was taller than you,
95
00:07:16,162 --> 00:07:19,662
- Australian.
- Oh, yeah, the blind Australian.
96
00:07:19,762 --> 00:07:21,762
- Was he nice?
- Well...
97
00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:26,462
Like, he used to be nice when he
was young but he's, what, at least 36
98
00:07:26,562 --> 00:07:30,862
and he's an accountant so he's
probably gonna sell me a pension.
99
00:07:30,962 --> 00:07:33,962
- Phil's dead so he's got a gap.
- Take the initiative.
100
00:07:34,062 --> 00:07:37,062
Seduce him over the portfolios.
101
00:07:38,162 --> 00:07:40,862
There's other things l could be doing.
102
00:07:40,962 --> 00:07:44,162
Like throwing that kid
out of my mother's house.
103
00:07:44,262 --> 00:07:45,862
(Chuckles)
104
00:07:45,962 --> 00:07:48,362
l thought you might apologise.
Course not.
105
00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:51,262
A day like that you need a shag
at the end of it.
106
00:07:51,362 --> 00:07:55,762
But he's waiting for the next shag
so he'll stop there till he gets it.
107
00:07:55,862 --> 00:07:59,762
- Why does it bother you?
- Cos every time l go round Hazel's
108
00:07:59,862 --> 00:08:02,362
there he is - she's cookin' him tea!
109
00:08:02,462 --> 00:08:04,562
- (Chuckles)
- Same old story.
110
00:08:04,662 --> 00:08:08,562
lt's like that Alan Lucas,
he falls in love with you
111
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:12,462
and ends up locking himself
in my bathroom.
112
00:08:12,562 --> 00:08:14,862
Said he wouldn't shift
till you come round.
113
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:18,362
He was in there three hours,
he was eating toothpaste!
114
00:08:18,462 --> 00:08:22,262
l couldn't use my own toilet,
l had to piss in the sink.
115
00:08:22,362 --> 00:08:25,862
- That's what happens because of you...
- Mr Roberts?
116
00:08:25,962 --> 00:08:29,862
Yeah, l've got Mr Tyler here for you.
Putting you though.
117
00:08:31,262 --> 00:08:33,162
Go on!
118
00:08:35,762 --> 00:08:37,862
Hi, it's Vince, yeah.
119
00:08:39,162 --> 00:08:41,762
No, he's a trainee. A bit useless.
120
00:08:44,062 --> 00:08:45,962
l'm sort of busy.
121
00:08:46,062 --> 00:08:48,362
Erm, l'll give you a call in a week.
122
00:08:49,962 --> 00:08:53,062
No. The thing is l'm really sort of...
123
00:08:59,862 --> 00:09:02,662
All right then. OK.
124
00:09:06,062 --> 00:09:08,562
l'm having dinner. Eight o'clock tonight.
125
00:09:08,662 --> 00:09:11,262
- Yes!
- (Beeps horn)
126
00:09:11,362 --> 00:09:13,262
He's got a date!
127
00:09:13,362 --> 00:09:16,462
l've got a pension. You bastard!
128
00:09:19,162 --> 00:09:21,362
The concert begins at eight
so l'll pick you up at ten to.
129
00:09:21,462 --> 00:09:24,462
l did think, er... l mean, the concert. But...
130
00:09:24,562 --> 00:09:27,862
l thought we'd have
a touch more fun, you know,
131
00:09:27,962 --> 00:09:31,762
- if we went to your sort of place.
- My sort of place?
132
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:34,262
Your sort of place.
133
00:09:34,362 --> 00:09:37,362
Jesus Christ, is there no one straight
left in the world?
134
00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,362
Martin! Twist my arm!
135
00:09:41,262 --> 00:09:43,762
That history project, when's it due?
136
00:09:43,862 --> 00:09:45,762
Monday.
137
00:09:45,862 --> 00:09:48,962
l'll take a look at it Sunday.
ls that all right?
138
00:09:49,062 --> 00:09:50,962
Fine. Come for tea.
139
00:09:51,062 --> 00:09:54,862
- lt's like having two mothers!
- And whose fault is that?
140
00:09:59,562 --> 00:10:02,062
Give it time, we'll wear him down.
141
00:10:04,462 --> 00:10:06,862
l've banned EastEnders. He's livid.
142
00:10:06,962 --> 00:10:10,462
lt's simple - you go upstairs,
you pack his bags,
143
00:10:10,562 --> 00:10:12,762
shove him in the car and take him home.
144
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:17,662
- Who's in charge, you or him?
- He says, ''London'' every time l try.
145
00:10:17,762 --> 00:10:21,462
And he could - plenty of boys his age
just take off and...
146
00:10:23,662 --> 00:10:27,162
He likes it here too much.
While he's here he's safe.
147
00:10:27,262 --> 00:10:30,762
- What have l done wrong?
- He's 15, that's all.
148
00:10:30,862 --> 00:10:35,662
Happens all over. Some boys don't
come out of the closet - they explode.
149
00:10:35,762 --> 00:10:38,562
What about his dad?
Can't he do anything?
150
00:10:38,662 --> 00:10:42,762
He won't talk about it.
Won't talk at all. l can't tell anyone.
151
00:10:42,862 --> 00:10:47,162
lf l tell his school they'll tell
social services - they'll have to.
152
00:10:47,262 --> 00:10:49,162
And then there's Helen.
153
00:10:49,262 --> 00:10:53,762
She gets interviewed and her name
on a register at ten years old.
154
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:58,262
- No, all they'd do is visit.
- Oh, you'd know, wouldn't you?
155
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,962
l'm sorry, l didn't mean...
156
00:11:05,762 --> 00:11:10,962
Got it wrong, didn't l? Somewhere
along the line l got it all wrong.
157
00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:14,562
But he'll be all right, won't he?
158
00:11:14,662 --> 00:11:17,662
lf he's out on Canal Street,
keep an eye on him.
159
00:11:17,762 --> 00:11:20,862
- Course l will.
- Thanks, l'd better...
160
00:11:21,962 --> 00:11:23,662
Thank you.
161
00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:30,362
Oh, well done, Vince,
reduce a grown woman to tears.
162
00:11:31,462 --> 00:11:35,762
Like no one's talked to her before.
What's the matter with you?
163
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,862
l've got a date.
164
00:11:41,762 --> 00:11:44,262
No. l don't want a pension.
165
00:11:44,362 --> 00:11:46,662
Cameron, just stop right there.
166
00:11:46,762 --> 00:11:49,762
No pension. No.
167
00:11:53,862 --> 00:11:55,662
lt's all your fault.
168
00:11:55,762 --> 00:11:59,762
lf l end up with life insurance
and endowment policies and things
169
00:11:59,862 --> 00:12:01,862
you're paying for it, all right?
170
00:12:01,962 --> 00:12:05,262
- Where are you anyway?
- We're going to Via Fossa.
171
00:12:05,362 --> 00:12:09,162
l've got a new friend called Martin
so you won't be missed.
172
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:11,162
Thanks a lot.
173
00:12:11,262 --> 00:12:13,262
Oh, my God, l'm here.
174
00:12:13,362 --> 00:12:15,162
l'm going in.
175
00:12:15,262 --> 00:12:17,962
Good luck. Keep your phone on.
And Vince?
176
00:12:18,062 --> 00:12:21,162
Just remember one thing -
you're fantastic.
177
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,362
l'm a fantastic twat.
178
00:12:32,262 --> 00:12:34,562
ls the Rembrandt still going?
179
00:12:34,662 --> 00:12:37,262
Yeah, l go there. And Via Fossa.
180
00:12:37,362 --> 00:12:40,062
And the Union, and Manto's, and Metz.
181
00:12:40,162 --> 00:12:43,262
And Napoleon's,
New York New York. And Cruz.
182
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:45,362
And Babylon and Paradise.
183
00:12:45,462 --> 00:12:48,062
And Poptastic. Just every now and then.
184
00:12:49,162 --> 00:12:52,362
- You're officially a scene queen.
- l'm not.
185
00:12:53,662 --> 00:12:56,962
l just go out a lot. How come you don't?
186
00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:01,962
(Sighs) What is on that street
that can surprise me?
187
00:13:02,062 --> 00:13:04,562
But how are you gonna meet someone?
188
00:13:05,662 --> 00:13:06,962
Hello.
189
00:13:07,062 --> 00:13:08,762
Right. Yeah.
190
00:13:08,862 --> 00:13:11,962
Are you having a starter?
l never have a starter.
191
00:13:12,062 --> 00:13:15,262
Yes, l will, l'm starving.
l'm having a starter.
192
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:17,962
Blimey, look, there's hundreds of 'em!
193
00:13:18,062 --> 00:13:20,162
Where's that wine?
194
00:13:20,262 --> 00:13:22,562
(& Abba: Mamma Mia)
195
00:13:25,262 --> 00:13:27,162
See anyone you like?
196
00:13:27,262 --> 00:13:30,262
- There is one.
- Which one? l might know him.
197
00:13:34,862 --> 00:13:37,162
- Oh, right.
- Sorry.
198
00:13:37,262 --> 00:13:39,662
l don't suppose that...?
199
00:13:39,762 --> 00:13:42,562
You wouldn't, not in a million years but...
200
00:13:44,162 --> 00:13:47,362
l'll sign the contract
if you're prepared to...
201
00:13:47,462 --> 00:13:51,562
l mean it. l will, l'll sign...if...
202
00:13:52,762 --> 00:13:55,662
That was my boyfriend
on the phone - Vince.
203
00:13:55,762 --> 00:13:58,162
He's seeing his accountant tonight.
204
00:13:58,262 --> 00:14:00,062
That's OK.
205
00:14:00,162 --> 00:14:02,362
l-l'll sign it anyway.
206
00:14:02,462 --> 00:14:04,362
Sorry.
207
00:14:04,462 --> 00:14:08,862
Tell you what, what about him?
Tall blond one, he's up for anything.
208
00:14:08,962 --> 00:14:10,862
l'll put in a good word for you.
209
00:14:10,962 --> 00:14:13,962
- How old is he?
- 15.
210
00:14:14,062 --> 00:14:17,162
15? That's a bit revolting, isn't it?
211
00:14:18,062 --> 00:14:19,562
Absolutely.
212
00:14:20,962 --> 00:14:25,962
Nathan, l can see you now. Bet you can't
remember my name, you dirty shagger.
213
00:14:26,062 --> 00:14:28,662
- You hanging round for a bit?
- No, we're going.
214
00:14:28,762 --> 00:14:31,162
- We just got here.
- We're going.
215
00:14:31,262 --> 00:14:33,162
Nathan, love, calm down.
216
00:14:33,262 --> 00:14:36,862
This might come as a shock
but l'm not in love with you.
217
00:14:36,962 --> 00:14:42,262
Back in a minute. l'll have a dry martini.
lt's Daniel, by the way. Dazz.
218
00:14:43,362 --> 00:14:47,862
Daniel from last night? Daniel
the six foot two barrister with a BMW?
219
00:14:47,962 --> 00:14:50,162
No, that's a different Daniel!
220
00:14:50,262 --> 00:14:51,862
(Laughs)
221
00:14:51,962 --> 00:14:53,762
(Laughs sarcastically)
222
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:57,862
lt's a nightmare. He says he's 36, the liar.
223
00:14:57,962 --> 00:15:01,462
He's an old man.
lt's like the auditions for Cocoon 3.
224
00:15:01,562 --> 00:15:05,562
Tell him that story about the broken leg.
That always works.
225
00:15:05,662 --> 00:15:07,762
ls that Vince? Say hello from me.
226
00:15:07,862 --> 00:15:10,062
Er, some twat says hello.
227
00:15:10,162 --> 00:15:14,262
ls it Nathan? His mother had
a right go at me. Keep an eye on him.
228
00:15:14,362 --> 00:15:18,062
Never mind him,
just think about yourself for once.
229
00:15:24,362 --> 00:15:29,162
We could go somewhere afterwards.
ls Cruz open? You're the expert.
230
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:34,462
Listen, l've got to make this call - there's
this boy and no one's looking after him.
231
00:15:34,562 --> 00:15:36,462
You don't mind?
232
00:15:39,162 --> 00:15:43,062
Stuart, seriously,
it's your fault he's left home.
233
00:15:43,162 --> 00:15:45,562
- (Beep)
- Hold on, call waiting.
234
00:15:46,662 --> 00:15:49,062
- Yeah?
- Stuart, thank you so much.
235
00:15:49,162 --> 00:15:52,462
That's all Ben needs,
another man to abandon him.
236
00:15:52,562 --> 00:15:56,462
l did leave a message.
lt's an emergency, l've got to work.
237
00:15:56,562 --> 00:16:00,762
You're in a bar - l can hear it!
How many dates do you think l get...
238
00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,662
- (Beep)
- 'Hold on.'
239
00:16:03,762 --> 00:16:06,262
- Yeah?
- Are you with Martin Brooks?
240
00:16:06,362 --> 00:16:10,762
His wife's on the phone,
she's had the roof fall in or something.
241
00:16:10,862 --> 00:16:13,662
- Martin, it's your wife.
- l'm not here.
242
00:16:13,762 --> 00:16:16,662
- He's not here.
- Call waiting. He's busy.
243
00:16:16,762 --> 00:16:20,462
Look, could you
put it down just for a minute?
244
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:23,562
- (Beeping)
- Yeah. Sure. Sorry.
245
00:16:23,662 --> 00:16:26,962
- lf you want to go clubbing, l...
- (Mobile phone)
246
00:16:27,062 --> 00:16:30,362
Sorry, l promised his mother. Hello?
247
00:16:30,462 --> 00:16:33,762
- Vince, put him on the phone.
- l'm not with Stuart.
248
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:37,162
You're always with him!
l was supposed to be on a date!
249
00:16:37,262 --> 00:16:41,162
Marie, honestly, l'm not.
Hold on. Call waiting.
250
00:16:41,262 --> 00:16:42,562
(Beeps)
251
00:16:42,662 --> 00:16:44,762
- Yeah?
- Vince, put him on.
252
00:16:44,862 --> 00:16:48,162
l know he's taken
Martin Brooks to some dive.
253
00:16:48,262 --> 00:16:50,962
- l'm not with Stuart.
- His wife's going mental.
254
00:16:51,062 --> 00:16:53,262
- Whose wife?
- Martin Brooks'!
255
00:16:53,362 --> 00:16:55,462
- Who's Martin Brooks?
- (Beep)
256
00:16:55,562 --> 00:16:58,762
Hold on, call waiting. What?!
257
00:16:58,862 --> 00:17:01,362
- You hung up.
- Are you with Martin Brooks?
258
00:17:01,462 --> 00:17:04,362
- How do you know him?
- Sandra's chasing him.
259
00:17:04,462 --> 00:17:07,062
- l've never heard of him!
- 'Hold on.'
260
00:17:07,162 --> 00:17:10,762
- He's not with Martin Brooks.
- Who's Martin Brooks?
261
00:17:10,862 --> 00:17:16,162
- Sorry, wrong one. No Martin Brooks.
- He is and his roof has fallen in!
262
00:17:16,262 --> 00:17:19,662
- Whose roof?
- Martin Brooks'!
263
00:17:19,762 --> 00:17:24,762
- Marie, is your date with Martin Brooks?
- Who the fuck is Martin Brooks?!
264
00:17:24,862 --> 00:17:29,062
- He's got a wife and a dodgy roof.
- l know him. Let me have a word.
265
00:17:35,362 --> 00:17:37,762
Oi! That's my phone!
266
00:17:46,462 --> 00:17:48,362
Call me.
267
00:17:51,462 --> 00:17:52,762
What with?
268
00:17:53,862 --> 00:17:56,662
(& Blondie: Picture This)
269
00:17:56,762 --> 00:18:00,562
- Bastard accountants.
- Sweetheart, l've missed you.
270
00:18:02,162 --> 00:18:04,562
l'm stocking up on this aftershave.
271
00:18:06,162 --> 00:18:08,162
Oi, Donna says you've had him.
272
00:18:08,262 --> 00:18:12,362
Well, that's the last you'll see of him.
He's a chicken hawk.
273
00:18:12,462 --> 00:18:16,762
Buy you dinner but once they've
shagged you they won't look at you.
274
00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:19,962
- l've had him twice.
- He never bought you dinner.
275
00:18:20,062 --> 00:18:22,762
- Do you like him?
- He's all right.
276
00:18:22,862 --> 00:18:26,362
Oh! Like Nathan's not
completely in love?
277
00:18:26,462 --> 00:18:30,762
Word of advice - he can swan about
but there's one thing he's short of,
278
00:18:30,862 --> 00:18:33,062
he's not young and he knows it.
279
00:18:33,162 --> 00:18:35,462
Your age, you can make him beg.
280
00:18:36,262 --> 00:18:38,162
- What's your name?
- Adrian.
281
00:18:38,262 --> 00:18:40,762
Martin. Martin, Adrian. Off you go.
282
00:18:40,862 --> 00:18:42,162
Drink?
283
00:18:42,262 --> 00:18:44,162
(& Abba: SOS)
284
00:18:44,262 --> 00:18:48,062
- Waste of time, he didn't even like me.
- He must have.
285
00:18:48,162 --> 00:18:51,862
No shag. He's gay, we go out on a date.
Where's the shag?
286
00:18:51,962 --> 00:18:56,562
l don't care. See that bloke there?
He's been looking. l'm going over.
287
00:18:56,662 --> 00:19:01,562
- He asked you out, he kissed you.
- Then he went home! lt's unnatural.
288
00:19:01,662 --> 00:19:04,562
ls it so hard to believe
someone fancies you?
289
00:19:04,662 --> 00:19:07,062
l don't care. l'm shagging. l am.
290
00:19:16,062 --> 00:19:18,462
(Donna laughing)
291
00:19:31,562 --> 00:19:34,562
Sorry, d'you mind
shutting your mouth a bit?
292
00:19:34,662 --> 00:19:36,562
Yeah, sure.
293
00:19:38,662 --> 00:19:40,162
Er...
294
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:43,762
lt's just more sexy
if you keep your mouth shut a bit.
295
00:19:43,862 --> 00:19:45,762
Yeah, sure.
296
00:19:48,862 --> 00:19:51,762
Oh, my God, you've got
Genesis Of The Daleks!
297
00:19:51,862 --> 00:19:54,362
- Yeah?
- Can we watch it?
298
00:19:54,462 --> 00:19:58,762
- We can watch it after, yeah?
- Oh! Can we watch it now?
299
00:19:58,862 --> 00:20:00,162
Please?
300
00:20:00,262 --> 00:20:05,062
- 'Davros!'
- 'Exterminate! Exterminate!'
301
00:20:05,162 --> 00:20:06,962
'Exterminate!'
302
00:20:07,062 --> 00:20:10,262
Cos this is the first time
Davros ever appeared,
303
00:20:10,362 --> 00:20:14,162
he's manipulating the war
between the Kaleds and the Thals.
304
00:20:14,262 --> 00:20:17,562
- l know.
- Cos they were the first Daleks ever
305
00:20:17,662 --> 00:20:20,962
and they were called
the Mark Three Travel Machine.
306
00:20:21,062 --> 00:20:23,062
l know, it's my tape.
307
00:20:24,262 --> 00:20:28,362
Three more episodes! Molto bene, molto!
308
00:20:28,462 --> 00:20:30,662
(Davros) '..the supreme creature,
309
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:33,962
'the ultimate conqueror of the universe!
The Dalek!'
310
00:20:35,462 --> 00:20:37,762
lt was all right. lt was nice.
311
00:20:37,862 --> 00:20:39,862
Apart from the spitting.
312
00:20:39,962 --> 00:20:41,862
l suppose you got lucky?
313
00:20:43,862 --> 00:20:48,062
Good clubs, though. Must be marvellous
doing that all the time.
314
00:20:48,162 --> 00:20:50,562
- Do you think?
- Should be good tonight.
315
00:20:50,662 --> 00:20:52,962
What time is your train at?
316
00:20:54,062 --> 00:20:55,962
Oh, l'll call and cancel.
317
00:20:56,062 --> 00:20:58,762
- l'll tell Anne l've got to work.
- Fine.
318
00:20:58,862 --> 00:21:02,562
Cancel, go ahead, get pissed,
get shagged. Fine!
319
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:06,662
Do it again and again,
get shagged every night of your life.
320
00:21:06,762 --> 00:21:09,162
Forget your wife, forget your kids.
321
00:21:09,262 --> 00:21:13,162
Just don't be a tourist.
You either do it or you don't.
322
00:21:13,262 --> 00:21:16,062
So what's it gonna be?
Staying or going?
323
00:21:18,162 --> 00:21:20,762
My train's at half past.
324
00:21:27,062 --> 00:21:30,162
They're all talking.
Amanda Boyce for starters.
325
00:21:30,262 --> 00:21:31,962
What did she say?
326
00:21:32,062 --> 00:21:35,462
''How come Nathan
doesn't walk to school any more?''
327
00:21:35,562 --> 00:21:40,362
And Chinese Susan says, ''He's never
home. lt's like there's a divorce.''
328
00:21:40,462 --> 00:21:42,362
What did you say?
329
00:21:42,462 --> 00:21:44,862
l said nothing. l said l don't know.
330
00:21:44,962 --> 00:21:47,862
- That is brilliant!
- No, it's not!
331
00:21:47,962 --> 00:21:52,162
lf school hears, you'll have
education welfare down your back.
332
00:21:52,262 --> 00:21:55,762
lt happened to Billy Valentine.
They put him in care.
333
00:21:55,862 --> 00:21:59,662
- And he had real problems.
- l've got real problems!
334
00:21:59,762 --> 00:22:04,162
Oh, like what? Like your mother's
been going through your things?
335
00:22:04,262 --> 00:22:06,862
- Big deal!
- She knew everything!
336
00:22:06,862 --> 00:22:08,762
She'd been spying!
337
00:22:08,862 --> 00:22:11,462
So? She's your mother, it's her job!
338
00:22:12,462 --> 00:22:15,962
She thinks if l move back home
l'll go back to normal.
339
00:22:16,062 --> 00:22:18,362
Like l'm sick and l'll get better.
340
00:22:18,462 --> 00:22:22,162
- She never said that.
- You don't know her! You know nothing!
341
00:22:22,262 --> 00:22:25,362
Cos you're straight!
You're part of the system!
342
00:22:25,462 --> 00:22:28,062
The fascist heterosexual orthodoxy!
343
00:22:28,062 --> 00:22:30,862
l'm black and l'm a girl.
344
00:22:30,962 --> 00:22:33,162
Try that for a week.
345
00:22:33,262 --> 00:22:38,162
- l'm late, l'm on the midday shift.
- You've got The Seeds Of Death!
346
00:22:38,262 --> 00:22:40,162
lt's a classic!
347
00:22:42,462 --> 00:22:46,562
l'll...come round and watch it some time.
ls that all right?
348
00:22:46,662 --> 00:22:48,562
Yeah.
349
00:22:50,362 --> 00:22:52,662
Well...bye.
350
00:22:54,262 --> 00:22:56,562
Beware the Mentiads!
351
00:22:59,662 --> 00:23:00,762
(Door closes)
352
00:23:02,562 --> 00:23:05,162
l took him to Alderley Edge, he loved it.
353
00:23:05,262 --> 00:23:07,562
- Vince not with you?
- Should he be?
354
00:23:07,662 --> 00:23:12,762
l was talking to Alfred. We've been
entertaining another of your babies.
355
00:23:12,862 --> 00:23:16,862
When Helen was five
she used to ride piggyback. Hiya.
356
00:23:16,962 --> 00:23:19,562
- Why are you here?
- l was passing.
357
00:23:19,662 --> 00:23:23,362
Weekends, l could look after Alfred.
You know, baby-sit.
358
00:23:23,462 --> 00:23:26,562
You work all week
you must be worn out at your age.
359
00:23:26,662 --> 00:23:30,062
We like Nathan. Nathan can stay.
360
00:23:32,662 --> 00:23:35,962
lt's like having a houseboy -
he could do the garden!
361
00:23:36,062 --> 00:23:39,962
lt's the Stuart Jones Foundation
For Fallen Boys.
362
00:23:40,062 --> 00:23:44,462
- Can l help it if he's obsessed?
- At 15? What does that make you?
363
00:23:44,562 --> 00:23:47,362
- A train set? A PlayStation?
- (Laughing)
364
00:23:48,662 --> 00:23:53,062
(Ghanaian accent) Sorry,
am l interrupting? This must be Stuart?
365
00:23:53,162 --> 00:23:55,262
Heard all about you, mate.
366
00:23:55,362 --> 00:23:57,962
l have heard nothing about you, mate.
367
00:23:58,062 --> 00:24:00,962
Lance. Lance Ampomah.
Nice to meet you.
368
00:24:01,062 --> 00:24:05,562
l have told you. Lance works at the
university. We did a seminar on ethics.
369
00:24:05,662 --> 00:24:07,562
lf you listened.
370
00:24:07,662 --> 00:24:11,962
He's moved in. He's got the
room at the back. Our token straight.
371
00:24:12,062 --> 00:24:15,662
Oh, look at Alfie. lsn't he hot in that?
Do you mind?
372
00:24:20,162 --> 00:24:23,762
- (Crying)
- Oh, oh, oh, come here big fella, yes?
373
00:24:24,862 --> 00:24:27,062
Er, moved in since when?
374
00:24:27,162 --> 00:24:30,762
Oh, it's not for long.
My visa expires in five months.
375
00:24:30,862 --> 00:24:35,562
l had to move flats last week
so Romey helped me out.
376
00:24:35,662 --> 00:24:37,962
l'm another one of her lost causes.
377
00:24:38,062 --> 00:24:40,962
You can't turn your back on this house.
378
00:24:41,062 --> 00:24:43,062
And yet you still do.
379
00:24:44,662 --> 00:24:46,562
(Lance) Oh, there we go.
380
00:24:46,662 --> 00:24:49,562
- Look at that. Oh...
- (Gurgling)
381
00:24:49,662 --> 00:24:51,662
Oh-oh, who can fly then?
382
00:24:51,762 --> 00:24:55,162
Yes. Yes, you can. And again!
383
00:25:04,262 --> 00:25:08,362
Knock knock. lt's Eileen's last day,
we're going for a drink.
384
00:25:08,462 --> 00:25:11,762
- D'you fancy coming?
- Er, no... Sort of busy.
385
00:25:12,862 --> 00:25:16,562
- Anything interesting?
- No, just this friend.
386
00:25:16,662 --> 00:25:19,762
- l might not go.
- ls it a date?
387
00:25:19,862 --> 00:25:21,962
Erm...
388
00:25:22,062 --> 00:25:23,762
Might be.
389
00:25:25,062 --> 00:25:27,162
Have a good time. Good for you.
390
00:25:29,562 --> 00:25:32,762
lf you don't go
we'll be in the Feathers at seven.
391
00:25:51,362 --> 00:25:53,362
Hello, it's me, Vince.
392
00:26:05,062 --> 00:26:07,062
l did phone. l left a message.
393
00:26:07,162 --> 00:26:11,562
ls this what you do on Saturdays,
apologise for the week?
394
00:26:13,362 --> 00:26:16,562
The childminder's
a bit stupid with messages.
395
00:26:16,662 --> 00:26:19,662
- Get an answerphone.
- l had one. Robert took it.
396
00:26:19,762 --> 00:26:21,762
Here, get a new one.
397
00:26:21,862 --> 00:26:24,862
The car needs a service,
the clutch is going.
398
00:26:26,062 --> 00:26:28,462
- How much?
- 200.
399
00:26:29,762 --> 00:26:34,362
And Tom's nagging for software,
he wants a new graphics package.
400
00:26:34,462 --> 00:26:36,262
Just call it 500, yeah?
401
00:26:36,362 --> 00:26:37,762
Fine.
402
00:26:38,762 --> 00:26:42,362
- Oh, Mum and Dad are getting a divorce.
- Yeah, yeah. Funny.
403
00:26:42,462 --> 00:26:46,362
You've been to see them?
Driven all of ten miles to see them?
404
00:26:46,462 --> 00:26:49,662
Course, they don't tell golden boy.
l get it all.
405
00:26:49,762 --> 00:26:53,862
- What have they said?
- You could just write them a cheque.
406
00:26:53,962 --> 00:26:57,962
lf you don't believe me, go and see them.
l'll draw you a map.
407
00:26:59,362 --> 00:27:01,662
(& Pounding techno)
408
00:27:05,462 --> 00:27:09,062
Honestly, l don't mind,
we could go down Castlefield.
409
00:27:09,162 --> 00:27:11,162
You like this place, you said.
410
00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:14,162
lt's your day, we're doing what you like.
411
00:27:16,662 --> 00:27:19,762
Problem is, it all starts to look the same.
412
00:27:19,862 --> 00:27:23,962
l spent three years in Sydney, you know?
lt's fantastic.
413
00:27:24,062 --> 00:27:27,962
The scene's huge, hundreds of pubs,
and then l come here,
414
00:27:28,062 --> 00:27:30,962
halfway across the world
and what do l find?
415
00:27:31,062 --> 00:27:34,562
The same men
standing in the same clubs.
416
00:27:36,162 --> 00:27:39,962
- Yeah. What's the same?
- The men.
417
00:27:40,062 --> 00:27:42,062
Right.
418
00:27:42,162 --> 00:27:45,362
- Same as what?
- The same as Sydney.
419
00:27:45,462 --> 00:27:48,362
- She was at the funeral, that woman.
- What woman?
420
00:27:48,462 --> 00:27:50,662
(Cameron) That one there.
421
00:27:50,762 --> 00:27:53,662
Hey! Where the fuck have you been?!
422
00:27:53,762 --> 00:27:56,862
Hiya. Stuart, Cameron. You've met.
423
00:27:56,962 --> 00:27:59,662
That's right, yeah, we met by the buffet.
424
00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:02,962
l liked that buffet,
it was fucking excellent.
425
00:28:03,062 --> 00:28:05,462
- You're pissed.
- Get me a drink!
426
00:28:15,062 --> 00:28:18,562
(& Touch And Go:
Would You Go To Bed With Me? )
427
00:28:24,362 --> 00:28:26,262
& Would you go to bed with me? &
428
00:28:26,362 --> 00:28:30,262
- What does an account director do?
- l direct accounts.
429
00:28:31,662 --> 00:28:34,962
Some of it's shit
but some of the clients are good.
430
00:28:35,062 --> 00:28:38,162
Manchester indie labels,
that sort of thing.
431
00:28:38,262 --> 00:28:40,162
l could do it in my sleep.
432
00:28:41,262 --> 00:28:44,062
l don't know. l'm thinking about moving.
433
00:28:45,162 --> 00:28:47,062
l'm lookin' around.
434
00:28:48,262 --> 00:28:51,062
- What for?
- Anything.
435
00:28:52,462 --> 00:28:57,162
There's always something better,
isn't there? Waiting to come along.
436
00:28:58,262 --> 00:29:00,162
D'you know that feeling?
437
00:29:01,162 --> 00:29:03,162
Here you go.
438
00:29:04,262 --> 00:29:06,662
You took your time. l missed you.
439
00:29:08,362 --> 00:29:10,362
Oh, don't mind me.
440
00:29:11,862 --> 00:29:15,362
- Where's he going?
- Up his own arse.
441
00:29:23,762 --> 00:29:26,862
There it is. Not much.
D'you want a drink?
442
00:29:26,962 --> 00:29:29,862
- You having one?
- Just one. l can't stay up.
443
00:29:29,962 --> 00:29:31,962
l'm working first thing.
444
00:29:32,062 --> 00:29:34,762
- Gin and tonic.
- Yeah? Gin and tonic.
445
00:29:34,862 --> 00:29:39,462
Sorry about Stuart.
l haven't seen him that pissed in ages.
446
00:29:39,562 --> 00:29:41,662
Some friend. He made a pass at me.
447
00:29:42,762 --> 00:29:44,762
No, he's always like that.
448
00:29:44,862 --> 00:29:48,362
Vince, l've been around the block.
He was making a pass.
449
00:29:48,462 --> 00:29:51,062
No, really, he wouldn't fancy you.
450
00:29:51,162 --> 00:29:53,062
Thanks(!)
451
00:29:53,962 --> 00:29:56,562
No, l mean...
452
00:29:58,262 --> 00:30:00,962
lt's just types, you know? He wouldn't.
453
00:30:02,662 --> 00:30:04,562
He did.
454
00:30:08,562 --> 00:30:10,962
lt's nice. Nice place.
455
00:30:11,062 --> 00:30:14,762
Ahh... Doctor Who.
456
00:30:14,862 --> 00:30:18,162
We used to get that. Scared me as a kid.
457
00:30:19,262 --> 00:30:21,662
The one with the shop window dummies.
458
00:30:21,762 --> 00:30:24,962
And that one with the maggots.
That was good.
459
00:30:26,662 --> 00:30:30,762
How many tapes have you got?
You one of those anorak blokes?
460
00:30:42,862 --> 00:30:44,962
- Your tapes!
- Sod the tapes!
461
00:30:56,062 --> 00:30:58,062
Which tapes?34615
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