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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:56,054 Dick, finish your feast and feast your peepers on this. 2 00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:58,323 It's a list of the 400 wealthiest people in television. 3 00:00:58,358 --> 00:00:59,824 Don't bother checking. You're not on there. 4 00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:00,825 [ Giggles ] 5 00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:04,496 But don't worry, Dickster, 6 00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:06,298 I've come up with a moolah-making idea 7 00:01:06,333 --> 00:01:07,432 that'll put you on next year's list, 8 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:08,833 right up there with Merv, Dick Clark, 9 00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:09,867 and that Bochco guy. 10 00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:11,403 [ Clears throat ] 11 00:01:11,871 --> 00:01:13,071 Sure, Michael. 12 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:15,740 Next month, they're holding the annual Syndie convention. 13 00:01:15,775 --> 00:01:17,476 That's the convention where all the TV producers 14 00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,377 try and sell their shows for syndication. 15 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:20,412 Now, follow me on this. 16 00:01:21,315 --> 00:01:23,215 We take your show, Vermont Today , 17 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,317 keep the basic charm and homespun humor, 18 00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:29,154 but we rename it Small Town Today . 19 00:01:29,189 --> 00:01:32,357 Suddenly you've got something a whole nation wants to see. 20 00:01:32,392 --> 00:01:33,592 That's not a bad idea. 21 00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:34,892 Wait, Dick, you're being short-sighted. 22 00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,998 Michael, I think the idea is okay. 23 00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,033 You mean you like an idea I came up with? 24 00:01:42,068 --> 00:01:42,934 I think it's great. 25 00:01:42,969 --> 00:01:44,802 I think we should go to the convention. 26 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:45,870 Dick, I spent all night working up 27 00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:47,038 brilliant counter-arguments, 28 00:01:47,073 --> 00:01:47,905 some of them in Latin. 29 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,544 Well, Michael, if stations across the country 30 00:01:52,579 --> 00:01:54,712 wanna syndicate me, and Dick Loudon 31 00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:57,382 can be seen nationwide, um, why not? 32 00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:59,417 Gee, I didn't count on the old ego kicking in. 33 00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:01,953 Where's-- where's the convention? 34 00:02:01,988 --> 00:02:03,021 MICHAEL: That's the best part. 35 00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,589 Practice your Satchmo impression 36 00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,890 and get ready to beat your tootsies 37 00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:07,058 on the Mississippi mud. 38 00:02:07,093 --> 00:02:08,926 In two weeks, we're going to New Orleans. 39 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,863 [ Impersonating Louis Armstrong ] Oh, yeah! 40 00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:15,300 Michael! 41 00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,401 Cuppers! 42 00:02:16,436 --> 00:02:18,836 Did I hear mention of a glamourous city down South 43 00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:19,771 that we've never been to 44 00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,673 that has boutiques and restaurants and--? 45 00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:23,141 You're going alone, aren't you? 46 00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:26,144 Not-- not alone, with Dick. 47 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,078 Same thing. 48 00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,649 Michael, read my lip. 49 00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,255 Steph, if I can sell Vermont Today 50 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,223 in syndication, 51 00:02:38,258 --> 00:02:40,492 we'll make enough money to cure something. 52 00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:41,493 [ Giggles ] 53 00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:42,561 But don't worry. We won't. 54 00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:48,567 [ Giggling ] 55 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:53,971 Oh. Here we are, way down yonder in Da Big Easy. 56 00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,674 [ Giggles ] 57 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,676 Yeah. I never heard that before. 58 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,653 Um, Michael, you-- you didn't tell me 59 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,522 that we were going to have to-- to share a room. 60 00:03:10,557 --> 00:03:11,690 Oh, it's the station budget, Dick. 61 00:03:11,725 --> 00:03:12,824 We're-- we're on a shoestring. 62 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,927 And-- and look at this, Michael. 63 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:18,263 We're-- we're even gonna have to share a bed. 64 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:19,231 Dick, don't be disgusting. 65 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,100 There's a rollaway over there. I'm sure you'll love it. 66 00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,941 [ Unzipping luggage ] 67 00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:33,612 Dibs on these drawers! Dibs on these. And these. 68 00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,616 Michael, you left me nothing. 69 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,351 I have designer ensembles, Dick. 70 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,386 You have those schlumpy cardigans. 71 00:03:41,421 --> 00:03:44,389 Besides, I-- I-- I left you room in the nightstand. 72 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:47,459 Just pull out the Gideon and jam your duds in there. 73 00:03:47,494 --> 00:03:49,127 [ Phone rings ] 74 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:51,263 Hello? 75 00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:52,731 Oh, hi, Steph. 76 00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:56,167 No, I haven't sold Dick's show yet. 77 00:03:56,202 --> 00:03:58,470 Well, sweet knees, we just got here 15 minutes ago. 78 00:03:58,505 --> 00:03:59,471 [ Giggles ] 79 00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:03,207 But don't worry. I-- I will. It-- It's a lock. 80 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:07,312 Oh, no. I miss you more than you miss me. 81 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:08,012 [ Giggles ] 82 00:04:08,448 --> 00:04:09,414 I do too. 83 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:10,582 [ Giggles ] 84 00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:11,683 I do too. 85 00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,653 I do too. 86 00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,989 He does, okay? 87 00:04:22,829 --> 00:04:26,998 O--okay, cupcake. I'll talk-- I'll talk to you tomorrow. 88 00:04:27,033 --> 00:04:29,734 [ Kisses ] 89 00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,070 Michael, the-- the phone company gets real annoyed 90 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,273 when you suck someone through from the other end. 91 00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:42,781 Oh, till-- till tomorrow, cupcake. Oh, okay. 92 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,349 Uh, Dick, Joanna wants to talk to you. 93 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,250 Bye, cupper-wupper-uppers! 94 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:46,951 [ Giggles ] 95 00:04:49,088 --> 00:04:50,154 Hi. Hi, honey. 96 00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:52,724 Huh? Uh... 97 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,528 it's about 65 and partly cloudy. 98 00:04:58,532 --> 00:04:59,798 You too. Bye. 99 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:05,903 Yeah, you really got it bad, Dick. 100 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,174 Wow. This is great. 101 00:05:11,211 --> 00:05:14,946 I get to sit in Dick's chair when he's away. 102 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:16,948 And I get to check in his guests. 103 00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:19,617 And I get to drink from his cup. 104 00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,619 Don't worry, Joanna. That's where it ends. 105 00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:27,892 [ Sniffing ] 106 00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,395 Stephanie. 107 00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,467 These eggs are runny. 108 00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:37,935 And my cinnamon toast is burned. 109 00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:39,804 Well, I'm depressed about Michael being away! 110 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,575 Me too. 111 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,985 Hi. I'm Larry. 112 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:54,853 This is my brother Darryl, 113 00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:56,988 and this is other brother Darryl. 114 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,791 And we come bearing unfortunate news. 115 00:05:59,826 --> 00:06:01,993 We had a grease fire over at the caf�. 116 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,060 A fire? 117 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,061 No human damage, 118 00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:06,330 but all our major food groups were scorched. 119 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,467 Our entire kitchen was destroyed. 120 00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:12,370 Well, guys, if there's anything we can do to help... 121 00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:13,605 As a matter of fact, 122 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,640 we was wonderin' if durin' the crisis, 123 00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:19,143 we could use your kitchen to cook our caf� foods. 124 00:06:19,178 --> 00:06:22,881 Uh, could I take back that "anything"? 125 00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,617 Miss Joanna, if we don't keep the caf� goin', 126 00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,151 our money'll dry up, 127 00:06:27,186 --> 00:06:28,887 and there goes our standard of living. 128 00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,423 Oh, guys, really, I-- 129 00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:34,292 If you won't do it for us, do it for our regular? 130 00:06:34,327 --> 00:06:35,192 [ Sighs ] 131 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:41,833 Okay. You can use our kitchen. 132 00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,935 Thank you. Miss Joanna, you're a lifesaver. 133 00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,938 Now all we need is your dining room. 134 00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:49,808 What? 135 00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:52,477 Well, we knew better than to dump this on you all at once. 136 00:06:54,280 --> 00:06:55,547 Guys, really, I-- 137 00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,549 I'd like to help, but, see, 138 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:58,382 we need our dining room 139 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,284 to serve breakfast to our guests. 140 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:01,586 You got yourself a deal. 141 00:07:01,621 --> 00:07:02,821 You get it for breakfast. 142 00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,355 We get it for lunch and dinner. 143 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:05,289 Wow! 144 00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,959 Diner food without having to go out for it. 145 00:07:12,799 --> 00:07:14,933 Well, okay. 146 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:16,400 Don't worry. 147 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,736 We'll do our darnedest not to burn your place down. 148 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,623 Oh, here come some potential live ones 149 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,491 for Small Town Today . 150 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:40,358 Here, country it up, Dick. 151 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,960 Put on this hat and suck on this straw. 152 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:46,464 I am not wearing farm accessories. 153 00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,900 Okay, but while I'm pitching, at least spit once in a while. 154 00:07:50,269 --> 00:07:52,837 Hi. Welcome to Small Town Today . 155 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:53,972 This show is a great buy, 156 00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:56,307 and here's a man for all time slots, 157 00:07:56,342 --> 00:07:57,408 Dick Loudon. 158 00:07:58,578 --> 00:07:59,377 Hi. 159 00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:00,578 What does he do? 160 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:01,546 You name it, he does it. 161 00:08:01,581 --> 00:08:03,214 He interviews, he quips, he spits. 162 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:05,583 I don't spit. 163 00:08:07,453 --> 00:08:08,987 And-- and-- and here, have some, uh-- 164 00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,688 Have some genuine Vermont salt water taffy. 165 00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,127 Vermont salt water taffy? 166 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,329 It's a sales tool, Dick. You're not an easy sell. 167 00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:20,431 I mean, you're not exactly Robie, the Atomic Rooster. 168 00:08:20,466 --> 00:08:22,066 You can't even get near that booth. 169 00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,435 Hi! Meet Dick Loudon. 170 00:08:25,238 --> 00:08:26,604 He has appeal across the board. 171 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,573 He's-- he's more homespun than Mark Twain. 172 00:08:28,608 --> 00:08:29,941 He's cuddlier than Bert Convy 173 00:08:29,976 --> 00:08:31,543 and he's more flexible than Gumby. 174 00:08:31,578 --> 00:08:32,544 [ Giggles ] 175 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,212 Well, if he is all that 176 00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,714 he's gonna be tough to turn down. 177 00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:39,017 I'm Michael Harris, producer of Small Town Today . 178 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,985 You've met our star host, Dick Loudon. 179 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:41,986 I'm Erica Sloane, 180 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,022 vice president with Westcott Broadcasting. 181 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,590 Westcott Broadcasting, major shekels, 182 00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:46,758 mucho mucho dinero. 183 00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:51,796 Yes, we represent 55 independents nationwide, 184 00:08:51,831 --> 00:08:53,531 and, uh, right now we're in the market 185 00:08:53,567 --> 00:08:55,232 for an upscale half an hour, 186 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,801 we could run on Sundays against football. 187 00:08:56,836 --> 00:08:57,835 Dick is perfect. 188 00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:59,837 Women love Dick because he's a father figure, 189 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:02,073 and the jocks like him because they know they can take him. 190 00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:02,774 [ Giggles ] 191 00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,244 We're on a very tight budget. 192 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,480 We couldn't go over 40,000 an episode. 193 00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:12,617 I think we can struggle along on that. 194 00:09:12,652 --> 00:09:13,685 Well, uh, 195 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,186 I think I'll look around the rest of the exhibits 196 00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:17,021 and see if anything sparks me, but, uh, 197 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,957 I'm definitely interested in what I see here. 198 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:19,824 I may be in touch. 199 00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,292 Nice to meet you, Dick. 200 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,126 Michael. 201 00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,398 Boy, that Westcott Group knows how to pick 'em, huh? 202 00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:28,432 [ Giggles ] 203 00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:29,333 Hey, did you hear that? 204 00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:30,534 40 thou a show. 205 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,369 It costs us about five. 206 00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,672 Do you realize what this means for Steph and me? 207 00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,841 Michael, it's a long way from a sale. 208 00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,542 Well, maybe if you'd whipped out the taffy. 209 00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:40,511 Forget the taffy. 210 00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,279 I'm the star of the show, I'll-- I'll handle 211 00:09:42,315 --> 00:09:43,447 the next couple that comes by. 212 00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:45,249 Hi. Hi, I'm Dick Loudon. 213 00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,052 We-- we have lots of, uh, features, 214 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,021 news, human interest. 215 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:51,155 Our-- our, uh-- 216 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,492 our-- our show's-- our show's in color. 217 00:09:57,363 --> 00:09:59,163 Uh, uh, uh, taffy? 218 00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:04,235 Hello again. 219 00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:05,703 Hi! Care for some sugar shock? 220 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,071 [ Giggles ] 221 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,574 I've looked around and decided what I want is right here. 222 00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:11,542 Great! 223 00:10:11,577 --> 00:10:13,244 I'm interested in purchasing two years, 224 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,080 104 episodes of Small Town Today for syndication. 225 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,549 You mean it? 226 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:21,886 Well, there are three conditions to this purchase. 227 00:10:21,921 --> 00:10:23,988 One, that you deliver the first 13 episodes 228 00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,123 by June 15th. 229 00:10:25,992 --> 00:10:27,025 No problema. 230 00:10:27,060 --> 00:10:30,494 Two, that the price per episode will be 40,000. 231 00:10:30,530 --> 00:10:31,462 Well, okay. 232 00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,099 And three, that you spend the night with me. 233 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,135 Pardon me? 234 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,539 I'm very attracted to you, Michael. 235 00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:42,740 I'd like to go to bed with you. 236 00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:50,381 Wow. [ Chuckles ] 237 00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:52,817 This is better than winning luggage. 238 00:10:57,290 --> 00:11:00,024 Look, I-- I'm honored by your offer, 239 00:11:00,060 --> 00:11:02,393 but I-- I have a cupcake at home. 240 00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:06,097 I'm involved. 241 00:11:07,133 --> 00:11:08,066 Well, that's too bad. 242 00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,466 Are you sure you won't reconsider? 243 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,534 [ Giggling ] Well-- 244 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:12,003 I really don't think I should. 245 00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,740 Michael, think about what you're giving up here. 246 00:11:15,775 --> 00:11:18,876 I could do wonders for both you and your business. 247 00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:21,145 Now, I'm on a very tight schedule, 248 00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,646 and I need a decision right now. 249 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,448 Okay, yes. 250 00:11:30,056 --> 00:11:32,090 Come on, Michael, it isn't a senior prom. 251 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:36,660 We're just gonna go out and see New Orleans. 252 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:37,829 Actually, uh, Dick, 253 00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,331 that's what you're gonna be doing. 254 00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:42,666 What-- what do you mean? 255 00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,502 Well, remember I told you the-- the show was sold and-- 256 00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:46,971 and we got our price? 257 00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,006 Well, it's just a little wrinkle. 258 00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,041 What-- what is it? 259 00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:52,276 She wants my bod. 260 00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,348 What-- what? 261 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:58,850 Erica propositioned me, Dick. 262 00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,551 She's offered to buy two year's worth of episodes 263 00:12:00,586 --> 00:12:02,686 in exchange for one night of passionate ya-ha. 264 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,759 Are you-- are you telling me that-- 265 00:12:08,795 --> 00:12:10,361 that talc wasn't for me? 266 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,298 Mich--Michael, I don't-- I don't believe this. 267 00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:15,699 Dick, I'm not a vegetable. 268 00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,268 I'm-- I'm an hombre with hormones. 269 00:12:18,504 --> 00:12:20,805 This lady is Venus with an attach� case. 270 00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:25,576 Besides, this is our only shot at big bucks. 271 00:12:25,611 --> 00:12:27,145 Michael, you-- you can't tell me the-- 272 00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,780 the other booths are doing this! 273 00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:32,650 How could I turn this down? She's offering us a bundle! 274 00:12:32,685 --> 00:12:33,584 She's gorgeous. 275 00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:35,253 And she doesn't want any commitments. 276 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,554 And no one will ever know, except for you. 277 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,489 And hopefully her. 278 00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:43,928 No complications. 279 00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:45,229 Really? 280 00:12:45,965 --> 00:12:47,265 What about Stephanie? 281 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,132 Oh, you-- 282 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,133 you thought about her too, huh, Dick? 283 00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:55,139 Michael, you think that this is-- this is just tonight. 284 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:55,472 But... 285 00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,543 this is going to affect you and Stephanie forever. 286 00:13:01,014 --> 00:13:03,014 I mean, Stephanie is-- is-- is your... 287 00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:05,883 [ Sighs ] 288 00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:08,519 ...cupper-wupper-uppers. 289 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,156 You-- you-- you can't do this. 290 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,191 Oh, come on, Dick. 291 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,725 In all the years you've been married to Joanna, 292 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:16,660 you never Oingo Boingo'd with another woman? 293 00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:24,202 If-- if that means what I think it means... no. 294 00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:25,203 Really? 295 00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,570 Because the buzz at the station for a while 296 00:13:26,605 --> 00:13:27,604 was that you and Pearl had a thing going. 297 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:29,373 Michael, forget about the show. 298 00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,607 Put on your coat, and we'll go out 299 00:13:30,643 --> 00:13:31,876 and do guy things. 300 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:32,776 Uh, Dick, 301 00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:34,712 I'm staying. 302 00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,447 Erica-- Erica's due here in an hour. 303 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:38,816 She's coming here? 304 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,117 It's closer to my grooming kit. 305 00:13:42,889 --> 00:13:44,388 Besides, you-- you did say you wanted a night out 306 00:13:44,423 --> 00:13:45,089 on the town. 307 00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,961 Michael, I'll be back at midnight. 308 00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:53,331 Okay, okay, but if there's a bra on the door, 309 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:54,298 that'll be the signal. 310 00:14:07,213 --> 00:14:08,079 Here you go. 311 00:14:08,114 --> 00:14:09,747 One Adam and Eve on a shingle. 312 00:14:11,650 --> 00:14:13,017 One poultry surprise. 313 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,987 A handful of succotash. 314 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,392 Ew! 315 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,495 JOANNA: I know, Stephanie. 316 00:14:25,298 --> 00:14:28,232 Joanna, look at these people. 317 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,402 I mean, shouldn't we be taking injections or something? 318 00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,238 They are a bit scruffy. 319 00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,973 One of our guests asked me if our hotel 320 00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,375 was on a prison program. 321 00:14:39,779 --> 00:14:42,513 Wow. It's exciting living in a house 322 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,149 that's got its own milkshake machine. 323 00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:47,084 You know, when the guys make me one, 324 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,853 they leave half in the glass and half in the canister. 325 00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,189 That way when you look down and see you're empty-- 326 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:55,893 --presto! You've got another glass just waiting for you. 327 00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,798 You find the good in everything, don't you, George? 328 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:01,665 Uh-huh. 329 00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,035 I hate that in a person. 330 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:05,903 [ Sighs ] 331 00:15:10,676 --> 00:15:12,810 I thought this was a bed and breakfast inn. 332 00:15:12,845 --> 00:15:14,011 I didn't know you served dinner. 333 00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:17,415 We don't. This is a temporary arrangement. 334 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:19,150 Oh. Uh, would you recommend it? 335 00:15:19,185 --> 00:15:20,117 Well, not really. 336 00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:23,487 Two? Right here. 337 00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:29,226 We have a special today on sea creatures. 338 00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:35,566 LARRY: Ooh, hot potato, hot potato, hot potato! 339 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,938 Wait, you ordered mashed potatoes, 340 00:15:40,974 --> 00:15:42,106 didn't ya? Darryl? 341 00:15:47,913 --> 00:15:50,047 Guys, guys, [ Chuckles ] 342 00:15:50,816 --> 00:15:51,515 we have to talk. 343 00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:53,550 There's a problem here. 344 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:54,385 We know. 345 00:15:55,821 --> 00:15:57,021 You're a clean freak. 346 00:15:58,557 --> 00:15:59,590 Huh? 347 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:01,558 Well, no sooner does the lunch rush leave 348 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,327 than you swoop down with a vacuum cleaner 349 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:04,996 and suck up the ambiance. 350 00:16:07,033 --> 00:16:07,931 It's a sickness. 351 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,103 Miss Joanna, personally, I could live with it, 352 00:16:12,138 --> 00:16:13,604 but Darryl here's disgusted. 353 00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:19,543 I'm afraid we'll have to feed our multitudes elsewhere. 354 00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,178 At least 'til you get therapy. 355 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,181 Thanks, fellas, 356 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,451 that's just the kind of incentive I need. 357 00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,956 This wasn't what drove your husband away, was it? 358 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:47,971 Wonder if there's anything in here about 359 00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,240 cupcake cheating? 360 00:16:51,877 --> 00:16:52,543 [ Car honking outside ] 361 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:01,985 Hi, cuppers! 362 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,889 Oh, I-- I just wanted to hear your voice. 363 00:17:05,925 --> 00:17:09,293 So how are things going in getting our millions? 364 00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:11,529 Well-- Well, Steph, we're close to a deal, 365 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:12,963 but there are-- there are complications. 366 00:17:12,998 --> 00:17:14,165 Let me lay out the details. 367 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:17,168 Oh, Michael, you know I'm not a detail person. 368 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:18,835 Well, I don't like the terms of the deal. 369 00:17:18,871 --> 00:17:19,903 I may turn it down. 370 00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:24,408 Are my perfect shell-like ears hearing right? 371 00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:25,642 Are you going to come back home 372 00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:28,079 not doing what you said you were going to do? 373 00:17:28,114 --> 00:17:30,581 Cupcake, if by some chance it all goes tummy-up on me, 374 00:17:30,616 --> 00:17:32,116 I've bought you enough gifts to give new meaning 375 00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:33,484 to the term "Louisiana Purchase." 376 00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:39,123 Michael, I have faith in you as a boyfriend 377 00:17:39,158 --> 00:17:40,691 and as a producer, 378 00:17:40,726 --> 00:17:42,526 and I know you'll do whatever it takes 379 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,595 to sell that show, so do it. 380 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,233 Are-- are you sure you really mean that? 381 00:17:50,336 --> 00:17:51,635 Beg if you have to. 382 00:17:52,271 --> 00:17:53,137 [ Knock on door ] 383 00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,238 ERICA: Michael? 384 00:17:54,273 --> 00:17:55,672 I don't think that'll be necessary. 385 00:17:58,344 --> 00:17:59,510 Well, Steph, uh, 386 00:18:00,646 --> 00:18:03,080 I-- I better go. I-- I've gotta put this thing to bed. 387 00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,047 STEPHANIE: That's the spirit. 388 00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:07,951 [ Sighs ] 389 00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:19,963 Hi. Sorry I'm early, but I couldn't wait. 390 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:20,964 [ Chuckles ] 391 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:21,665 Hi. 392 00:18:24,703 --> 00:18:26,337 I-- I thought they couldn't improve on that 393 00:18:26,372 --> 00:18:27,471 chocolate on the pillow thing. 394 00:18:27,507 --> 00:18:28,639 [ Giggles ] 395 00:18:32,878 --> 00:18:35,379 You know, I like you without your glasses. 396 00:18:35,414 --> 00:18:36,547 How do you know? I'm wearing them. 397 00:18:39,985 --> 00:18:42,419 Mm, I was right. 398 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,187 [ Chuckles ] 399 00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:44,421 [ Chuckles ] 400 00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:47,191 Uh, look, I-- I got-- I got us some, 401 00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:48,925 uh, champagne to celebrate our deal. 402 00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:50,194 Of course, now you may have to pour. 403 00:18:52,532 --> 00:18:53,464 [ Sighs ] 404 00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:55,699 Well, why don't we save it for afterwards? 405 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,137 Yeah, afterwards. 406 00:19:03,942 --> 00:19:06,009 Well, I've never done this with a TV executive before. 407 00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:06,810 [ Chuckles ] 408 00:19:06,845 --> 00:19:08,111 Hope I do well in the overnights. 409 00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,446 [ Giggles ] 410 00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:11,815 [ Chuckles ] 411 00:19:11,850 --> 00:19:14,552 You... are so adorable. 412 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:17,521 Whoops. 413 00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:20,724 Hey! Great-- great to see you. 414 00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:23,894 There, uh-- 415 00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,264 there-- there was no-- there was no bra on the door. 416 00:19:31,537 --> 00:19:32,336 I'm sorry, Dick. 417 00:19:32,371 --> 00:19:33,671 She's still wearing the signal. 418 00:19:36,242 --> 00:19:37,007 I, uh-- 419 00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:40,444 I-- I forgot my wallet. It's on the dressing-- 420 00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:41,878 I-- I'll get it. I'll get it. 421 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:45,816 [ Sighs ] 422 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,985 Hi. Hi, how-- how you doin'? 423 00:19:51,657 --> 00:19:52,323 [ Sighs ] 424 00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:55,926 So I, uh-- 425 00:19:55,961 --> 00:19:57,060 [ Chuckles ] 426 00:19:57,096 --> 00:19:59,563 I hear-- I hear you, uh-- you like-- you like my show. 427 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:03,900 [ Clears throat ] 428 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,203 [ Sighs ] 429 00:20:07,005 --> 00:20:07,738 Boy, how-- 430 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:11,041 how 'bout that Mississippi? [ Chuckles ] 431 00:20:13,812 --> 00:20:15,279 Mi--Mi-- uh, Michael? 432 00:20:17,750 --> 00:20:21,017 Oh, thanks. Thanks. Nice-- nice, 433 00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:24,421 cha-- cha-- chatting-- chatting with you. 434 00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:27,424 Dick, don't leave me alone with this media vixen! 435 00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:28,925 I don't know if I wanna go through with it. 436 00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:29,826 Then, don't. 437 00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:30,794 But I don't know if I don't wanna go 438 00:20:30,829 --> 00:20:31,562 through with it either. 439 00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:35,065 Michael, this is a decision you're gonna have to 440 00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:36,833 make all by yourself. 441 00:20:36,869 --> 00:20:39,936 I mean, if you wanna go for one-- one cheap moment of-- 442 00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:43,741 of guilt-ridden pleasure and ill-gotten financial gain 443 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:46,009 or-- or remain true to-- 444 00:20:46,044 --> 00:20:48,178 to your sweetheart back home 445 00:20:48,213 --> 00:20:51,282 who you supposedly love with all your heart. 446 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,319 See what I mean, Dick? It's a close call. 447 00:21:02,895 --> 00:21:04,762 Erica, this thing, 448 00:21:04,797 --> 00:21:06,363 you sort of backed me into a-- 449 00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,731 backed me into a corner to do... 450 00:21:09,968 --> 00:21:11,067 Well, let's get to it. 451 00:21:17,843 --> 00:21:18,542 [ Sighs ] 452 00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,477 -Michael? -Present! 453 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:23,647 Erica, I'm sorry. 454 00:21:23,683 --> 00:21:25,949 I don't think I can go through with this. 455 00:21:25,984 --> 00:21:26,883 Why? 456 00:21:26,919 --> 00:21:29,453 Because-- because I already have 457 00:21:29,488 --> 00:21:32,088 a cute quesadilla occupying this ticker. 458 00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:37,127 Are you saying you're sick? 459 00:21:38,764 --> 00:21:41,097 No. No, no, the point is, 460 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:44,335 this isn't right and-- and no amount of money, 461 00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,671 although your amount was close, 462 00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:51,141 is worth betraying her. 463 00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,245 [ Sighs ] 464 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:57,848 Michael, I am very disappointed. 465 00:22:00,285 --> 00:22:01,385 And you should be too. 466 00:22:01,420 --> 00:22:03,687 I mean, you realize at 40,000 a show, 467 00:22:03,723 --> 00:22:06,223 you just lost yourself over 4 million dollars? 468 00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:08,592 [ Sighs ] 469 00:22:09,695 --> 00:22:11,928 How 'bout 20,000 a show and some heavy petting? 470 00:22:16,502 --> 00:22:17,868 No. No, I can't. 471 00:22:20,773 --> 00:22:21,805 Good-bye, Erica. 472 00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:28,579 [ Sighs ] 473 00:22:29,849 --> 00:22:31,715 You know, you really are a nice guy. 474 00:22:33,318 --> 00:22:35,452 Poor, but nice. 475 00:22:40,058 --> 00:22:41,258 [ Door closing ] 476 00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:42,959 [ Sighs ] 477 00:22:50,235 --> 00:22:51,368 [ Car honking outside ] 478 00:22:54,540 --> 00:22:55,672 To you, Steph. 479 00:23:11,256 --> 00:23:12,556 I wonder what she's gonna do to me 480 00:23:12,591 --> 00:23:13,757 for blowing this deal. 481 00:23:52,598 --> 00:23:53,396 Meow. 42803

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