All language subtitles for Newhart S06E14

Hi.

I'm The Amazing Larry,

this is my Stupefying
Brother Darryl,

and this my other
Stupefying Brother Darryl.

Is-- is it just me or is
that intro getting longer?

We're just doing the traditional
magician's practice

of putting a colorful adjective
before our names.

Oh, great.

They're-- they're magicians now.

Oh, boy! I love magic!

In our never-ending dream
to lure the elusive customer,

we've decided to offer magic
with every meal.

We thought to sharpen
our skills,

we'd try some illusions
out on you folks.

First, the simple but classic
bloody finger in a box.

Open it.

Larry, you-- you did say
it's an illusion?

After a heated debate,

we decided
that was the way to go.

We feel this will stimulate
the sales of finger foods.

I don't think so, guys.

Really?

Well, we are working
on a dove act.

We haven't learned
any tricks yet,

but we sure enjoy stuffin' birds
in our clothes.

Hey, who doesn't?

Come on, Darryl. Let's go
outside and give 'em some air.

Mine are gettin' fidgety.

Gee, now I'm going to be
up all night,

figuring out how they did
that finger in the box thing.

Hola , Loudons.

Bonita senorita.

Your numero uno hombre
esta aqui.

[ Giggles ]

Maybe I could tip off
Immigration about him.

Uh, while we're waiting
for Steph to perfect her puss,

answer me
this hypothetical query.

If I were really in the lurch,
back to wall situation,

and gave you ample notice,

could I bring someone
from the station

over for dinner?

I guess so, with ample notice.

That's nice.

How's five minutes?

What?

I'm in a bind.

Steph's been all over me
because I haven't seen much

of her lately,

but I also schedded
a dinner meeting

with one of the station's
bigger stars.

And instead of letting
my innocent cupcake down

and enduring God knows
what punishment...

[ Chuckles ]

I thought, you know,
why not combine the two

and have dinner right here?

How 'bout
because I hate the idea?

Oh, really?

Well, I think
you'll change your tune

when you hear
who the star is.

Your old friend and cohostess,
Buffy Denver.

Buffy Denver?

The-- the happy time
weather girl

that-- that almost destroyed
my television career?

Okay, Michael, let's go.

I, uh, I have a super surprise
for supper, Cuppers.

We're staying here
and having dinner

with Buffy Denver.

Ew!

I hate her.

You know, I'm starting to sense
a few holes in this plan.

But I'd appreciate it

if you'd all change
your attitudes,

especially since Buff's
coming up the walk.

Honey, I'm, uh--

I'm going to hide
under the registration desk

for the evening.

Michael! Dicky!

[ Laughs ]

Oh! Oh, it's really, really
great to see you again!

[ Laughs ]

I mean, we have been working

at the same station
for over a year,

and we never see each other!

[ Laughs ]

Have you been avoiding me?

[ Laughs ]

[ Giggles ]

Honey, next time I wanna hide
under the desk, don't stop me.

So, Dicky, introduce me
to all your pretty people.

Right.

This, uh-- This is my wife,
Joanna.

Hi, Joey.

[ Giggles ]

It's so incredibly nice
to meet you.

Your husband is such
a major dream machine.

[ Giggles ]

And this is my megalove,
Stephanie Vanderkellen.

Hi.

She is so incredibly,
phantasmically gorgeous!

[ Gasps ]

And I love what you're wearing!

I mean, is she perfect,
or what?

[ Laughs ]

Actually, she's not as bad
as I thought.

So, Buffy, how are you enjoying
your On the Town show?

Oh, it's just
so incredibly fantastic.

My favorite is when
I'm covering stories

that I actually understand,
you know?

So it's not just a bunch
of meaningless words.

[ Laughs ]

So, Dicky, when are we gonna
work together again? Huh?

Huh?

Primo notion.

I think with the right concept,
you two--

But scheduling
makes it impossible.

Well, enough, uh,
idle yackity-yackita.

Let's discuss some bizwax.

Now, Buff, you said
you had some new

-creative ideas for the show?
-BUFFY: Yes, Michael.

Now, you know I'm very concerned
about the quality of the show,

and I think a great way to raise
the quality of the show

would be to raise the quality
of my outfits.

You know, I don't usually
get involved in business stuff,

but that makes total sense.

Thank you!

[ Giggling ]

See, the station should be
buying me

the kind of gorgeous stuff
she has.

Where did you get that?

Well, you can't find anything
decent around here

within a 63 mile radius.

Tell me about it.

[ Gags, laughs ]

Well, I'm done.

You know, I bet
with your fantastic taste,

you could really help me
improve my look.

Oh, don't be silly.
Of course I could.

[ Laughs ]

I would give just anything
to see your closet.

Okay, but it'll take days.

[ Gasps ]

Terrif! I've got days!

[ Giggling ]

You know, I-- I think you two
would have a-- a lot more fun

outside that 63 mile radius.

Come on.

Let's start going through
my winter wools right now.

Oh, this is turning out
to be the most

incredibly, fantastic night!

I'm sorry to rush off, Dicky,

but it sounds
like we'll be seeing

a lot more of each other anyway.

[ Giggles ]
Bye.

[ Giggles ]

[ Door closing ]

I'll get you for this.

Dick?

I'm just making sure the roo--
the room is-- is Buffy-free.

I'm all out
of inane conversation.

She's upstairs with Stephanie.

Listen, honey,

I know she's been around
a lot lately,

but you don't have to hide.

Honey, it's self-preservation.

I mean, all that giggling and--

and endless, uh, cutesy talk
about makeup and--

and fabric and colors.

I mean, I'm-- I'm losing
brain cells here.

Honey, while-- while-- while
we have a minute alone,

let's-- let's talk smart.

Um, how-- how-- how 'bout
that Tolstoy, huh?

[ Giggling ]

Dicky!

[ Giggles ]

I have been having the most
fantastically, wonderful time!

I mean, Stephanie is the most
incredibly amazing person.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, stop it.
They know.

[ Laughs ]

So are-- are you two
going out for a while?

There's a-- there's a whole
wacky town

waitin' for ya out there.

[ Giggles ]

No. First, we're gonna
get something to eat,

and then Buffy's gonna
make me up,

and then I'm gonna
make her up,

and then we're going to
moisturize and do it all again.

[ Giggles ]

Until it gets dark.

[ Giggles ]

See ya!

[ Giggles ]

It's the pajama party
that never ends.

Hi. I'm Siegfried,

this is my brother Roy,

and this is my other
brother Roy.

Guys, I-- I hate to be the one
to tell you this,

but there-- there already is
a Siegfried and Roy.

We know.

But we're Siegfried and Roy
and Roy.

Oh, boy! More magic!

For this one, we'll need
a volunteer from the audience.

I volunteer Dick.

What?

Please, Dick.

I'd volunteer myself, but I
don't wanna miss this. Come on.

Well, with-- with Buffy here,
how much worse could this be?

Now, we have never met before.
Correct?

Larry, just get on with it.

I will now attempt
to saw this man in half.

Neat!

La-- Larry! Larry, you've done
this trick before, right?

There's a trick?

George, get me out of here!

No need to panic.

Darryl here is packin'
plenty of Mercurochrome.

DICK: George!

Too bad.

This really throws off
our rehearsal schedule.

We planned to perfect
the sawin' in half this week

and then work on the puttin'
back together next week.

"I volunteer Dick."

Sorry.

They just seemed
so darned professional.

Well, you're all dressed up.

Buffy and I are going
to a nice restaurant

for lunch.

We're going to point out
what's wrong

with what other people
are wearing.

Whoever finds the most faults
gets treated.

You two seem to have gotten
really close.

[ Sighs ]

Joanna, Buffy's totally obsessed
with her appearance.

She spends every cent she makes
on clothes,

hours a day on her face,

I mean, she's the first
normal person

I've met in Vermont.

It's so nice to finally have
someone I can have

a girl-to-girl chat with.

Well, I was always here.

Ah.

That's sweet, Joanna.

But I always felt that it was
a burden for you

to have to reach so far back
in your memory

to try to understand
what a girl my age

was going through.

Speak up, child.

My hearing isn't
what it used to be.

[ Laughs ]

Now, Joanna, don't be jealous.

There are negatives with Buffy.

Like when we get
dressed up like this,

there's always a slight danger

that she might look
almost as good as I do.

But I still like her enough
to have bought her something.

You bought something
for someone else?

I must have wrapped
and unwrapped it a dozen times.

Until you got it perfect?

Until I decided
not to keep it for myself.

I realized I felt strongly
enough about Buffy

to make the sacrifice.

Hi, everybody, it's me!

[ Giggles ]

Oh, Stephie, you look really,
really terrific.

And you look even better.

[ Giggles ]

Well, I'll just get my coat
and then we can go.

And then I have
a surprise for you

that was so incredibly
nice of me.

Stephie, you're never gonna
believe this,

but right before I left,

I got a call from a girlfriend
that I haven't seen in,
like, days,

and she invited me

to some kind of party
this afternoon

that sounded
like really, really, really

a lot of fun, so I said yes.

[ Giggles ]

What?

You mean you're cancelling?

On me?

Yeah, but we'll do this
restaurant thing

real, real, real, real soon.

Promise.

[ Giggles ]
But I'm late.

Huggies! Ooh!

[ Giggles ]

Bye!

But I even bought you--

Uh...

you, uh-- you can--
you can make fun of,

you know, of what--
what we're wearing.

This is the worst,

most horrible feeling
I've ever had in my life.

I think I'm going to die.

No, it's okay.

I think I'm over the worst part.

Is that what they call...

"being stood up?"

That phrase could apply.

Oh, my God.

You hear about it happening
to other people,

you even do it
to other people,

but you never think it's going
to happen to you.

I wonder if the others
I've stood up in my past

felt as badly as this.

Oh, that's silly.

No one's as sensitive as I am.

[ Sighs ]

This really hurts.

Even knowing
I get to keep the gift

doesn't help.

How could she do this?

I mean, have you ever met
anyone so selfish and shallow?

I'm, uh-- I'm-- I'm a blank.

Uh, Dick, here's the invoice--

Michael, I've been stood up!

Oh, my God!

Steph, are you going to die?

It was, uh, touch and go there
for a while, but...

I think she's over
the worst of it.

Oh, thank goodness.

Can you believe that Buffer!

Michael, take me upstairs.

I think this is going
to lay me up

for quite a while.

Steph, do you think
you and Buff

will ever be able to be
friends again after this?

Michael, I've been thinking
about that,

and the same phrase
keeps repeating itself

over and over again
in my mind,

"No way in hell."

Hi. I'm Larry.

-This is my brother Darryl and--
-What--?

What happened to the fancy
magician adjectives?

Well, we decided
to hang up the ol'...

...whatever it is that magicians
hang up when they quit.

Why-- why-- why the change
of heart, guys?

Well, we were doing
the breakfast show

for some customers,

and Darryl went
a little too heavy

on the flash powder.

We found it doesn't take much

to make your cheaper
lady's wigs go up

[ Snaps fingers ]
like that.

We tried to tell Mrs. Epstein
that blonde

with charcoal streaks
of black was stylish,

but she didn't wanna be
reasoned with.

She just wanted to be put out.

We parted on good terms, though.

We gave her 20 dollars,
so she could buy

an even nicer wig.

Wow, for that-- for that
kind of money, you won't--

you won't be able to see the--

the cloth through the hair
anymore.

Now we gotta think up
other non-combustible ways

to increase business.

Too bad, too. Just when
we were gettin' good.

Dicky!

[ Laughs ]

Uh, Buffy.

[ Giggles ]
How are you?

I-- I was fine.

[ Giggles ]

What, uh-- what--
what are you doing here?

I'm here to see Stephie, silly.
We have a lunch date.

Oh, hi, Buffy.

Listen, I know you came all
this way,

but I just got a call
from a friend of mine

who's just dying to see me
this afternoon

so I said yes.

[ Laughs ]

But I promise we'll do this
lunch thing again

real, real, real, real soon.
Huggies! Bye!

Oh, okay, Stephie.
Have a good time!

[ Scoffs ]

You do realize I'm cancelling
a planned lunch with you

without any notice?

Uh-huh. Have fun!

Pretty devastating, huh?

What?

[ Giggles ]

Well, you know, because--

Well, just never mind.

Well, this leaves me

with a whole amazing
afternoon free!

[ Laughs ]

Oh, good-- good for you.

I know!
I'll spend it with Dicky!

[ Giggles ]

Wh-- Uh, what?

We can reminisce
about all the fun

we had together last year!

You better start.

I'm kinda fuzzy on anything
that happened

over three months ago.

[ Laughs ]

No, uh-- Let--
Let's go see Stephanie.

-But she has a lunch date.
-No-- No, she doesn't.

And-- and--
and you talk to her.

Just talk to anyone--
anybody but me.

-[ Giggles ]
-[ Laughs ]

[ Knocks on the door ]

Dick!
What are you doing here?

I have to get ready

for my very important
lunch date.

See? I told you.

Stephanie doesn't have
a lunch date.

Do so!

Traitor.

Look, I'm the last one

to try to patch up
this relationship,

but-- but now she's after me.

I-- I-- I-- I want you two
to-- to make up.

He wants to watch
while we put on makeup?

Is Dicky some kind
of freakazoid?

I'm not a freakazoid.

I want you to make up
with each other.

But we're not mad.

Stephanie is.
At you.

Come on.
[ Laughs ]

She is, because you--
you stood her up yesterday.

But I had a better offer.

But that isn't polite and--
and-- and you hurt her.

[ Faint laugh ]

She stood you up today,

because you stood her up
yesterday,

and she wanted to make you feel
the same pain that she felt.

So when she cancelled our lunch,

she was trying
to make me feel bad.

Exactly.

Hey, that's really mean!

Good, it worked.

It doesn't matter
that it worked.

What matters
is that you two are--

are back together again.

What am I talking about?

I don't want to get back
together with her.

She's insensitive.

And she pulls mean,
hard-to-understand tricks.

But-- but-- but part of
friendship is accepting

each other's faults.

I mean, uh, neither of you
is perfect.

-What?
-What?

Well, I mean, you--
you could be a--

a little--
little more considerate.

[ Gasps ]

You are yelling at me.

[ Sobs ]

All-- al-- al right, all right,
take-- take it easy.

You-- you're not the only--

You're not the only one
at fault here.

[ Sobs ]

And-- and Stephanie can be
a-- a little too de-- demanding.

[ Crying ] Well,
thank you very much, Dick.

[ Sobbing ]

Great.

Stereo!

[ Wails, sobs ]

Oh.

Oh, Buffy.

Don't cry.

I-- I don't think you're as bad
as Dick says.

And I don't think you're as bad
as Dick says.

Well, Dick's always so critical
of everyone.

Well, does this mean
we can still be friends?

Maybe.

I guess it's not that bad
that you're insensitive.

Besides, I think I'm probably
superior enough

to tolerate your lack
of inner depth.

Thank you, Stephie.

I didn't understand the words,
but the tone was sweet.

Maybe our problem was...

we were spending
too much time together.

Uh, especially here at--
at the inn.

I have been starting
to miss Michael.

Well, I hope we can
work something out,

because I think you're really,
really terrific.

You see?

There are so many things
about you I like.

[ Laughs ]

Well, I guess the burden
does fall on

the more advanced
and developed of us

to overlook the shortcomings
of others.

Besides, who am I
to deprive you of me?

Oh.

Oh, Stephie.

I just think I've found
a friend for life.

[ Laughs ]

Oh!

Oh, my God.
What have I done?

Dick, could we have
some privacy, please?

See? I told you
he likes watching.

[ Giggles ]

Oh!

Oh, my God!

[ Giggling ]

I wonder if I could
have George...

seal up this door forever.

Meow.