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1
00:00:55,222 --> 00:00:56,654
Oh, uh, uh, George.
2
00:00:56,690 --> 00:00:57,522
Yeah, Dick?
3
00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,357
Uh, you promised to--
to fix the--
4
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,758
the leak in our--
in our bathroom
5
00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:02,294
after you finished
painting the trim on--
6
00:01:02,329 --> 00:01:04,062
on the new-- the new birdfeeder.
7
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,997
Uh, that-- that was
two buckets ago.
8
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:08,500
Yeah, well, there's
a new problem, Dick.
9
00:01:08,535 --> 00:01:09,701
Squirrels.
10
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,137
They've taken over
the bird's feeder.
11
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,872
I wouldn't care if the birds
and the squirrels
12
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,074
used the feeder, but--
13
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:18,410
I'll let you in on a secret
of nature, Dick.
14
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:21,779
Squirrels don't like to share.
15
00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,683
The dripping is keeping me up,
George,
16
00:01:25,719 --> 00:01:26,751
so I'm-- I'm afraid the birds
17
00:01:26,786 --> 00:01:27,752
are gonna have to wait
a little while.
18
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:28,987
No, they can't, Dick.
19
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:30,455
They're used to me feeding 'em.
20
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:31,990
If the food isn't there,
they'll die.
21
00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:36,561
Well, I-- I've heard if a person
can't ever fall asleep,
22
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,496
they can die.
23
00:01:39,866 --> 00:01:41,299
Yeah, well, there's only
one of you.
24
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:43,135
There's at least 90 birds.
25
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:48,840
[ Door closing ]
26
00:01:53,046 --> 00:01:53,711
Well,
27
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:55,813
here we are, Steph.
28
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:56,581
At home.
29
00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,816
Or should I say, "inn" home.
30
00:01:58,852 --> 00:01:59,584
[ Chuckles ]
31
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:04,556
Uh, Michael,
32
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:06,358
thank you for the...
33
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:08,627
lovely time.
34
00:02:11,431 --> 00:02:13,598
Now is the date officially over?
35
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,167
Yes. What did you think?
36
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:16,668
Well, I think this makes
four dates in a row
37
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:17,669
that haven't been fun.
38
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,106
I know, Steph. I don't know
what's wrong.
39
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,176
We-- we paraded around town.
40
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:26,244
We played "What would you buy
with three million dollars
41
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,779
if you had to spend it
all on yourself."
42
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,416
Had all the ingredients
of a great date.
43
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,318
But I didn't even go,
"Ooh!" once.
44
00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:35,887
Michael,
45
00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,257
I'm worried
we're getting... stale.
46
00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:40,358
[ Gasps ]
47
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:43,461
But there's one way
to find out for sure,
48
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:45,263
a Cosmopolitan test.
49
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,201
There's one in this month.
50
00:02:49,236 --> 00:02:52,237
"Has Your Relationship Broken
the Bore Barrier?"
51
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:57,041
"Do you often do the same thing
date after date?"
52
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,042
Yes.
53
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,711
Well, Steph, that's not really
a fair question.
54
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:02,247
There's-- there's only so much
to do in this town.
55
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:05,383
Michael, this is Cosmo ,
so it's completely scientific.
56
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,553
"Can you always tell
57
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,987
what the other
is going to say?"
58
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:11,756
-Yes.
-Yes.
59
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:16,261
"If you were on a date
and it were going badly,
60
00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:17,195
would you,
61
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,264
A, suggest that you forget
this activity
62
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:21,366
and that the two of you
go skinny-dipping instead?"
63
00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:28,540
"B, during the date, pretend
that everything is okay,
64
00:03:28,575 --> 00:03:30,609
but try to discuss it later
to no avail?"
65
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:31,776
"B" it is.
66
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,047
"How many unpleasant dates
in a row have you had?
67
00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:37,949
One, two, three or more?"
68
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:38,883
Three or more.
69
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:41,353
Oh,
70
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:43,154
now here comes the part I hate,
71
00:03:43,189 --> 00:03:44,021
tallying.
72
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,230
A 10, Steph.
73
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:53,965
A nice round number.
74
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,401
"If you scored a 10 or below,
75
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,836
your relationship has broken
the bore barrier
76
00:03:58,872 --> 00:04:01,239
and is rapidly approaching
the comatose zone."
77
00:04:03,510 --> 00:04:04,842
That sounds negative.
78
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:08,946
"We suggest you find a stable,
interesting relationship
79
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:10,448
and observe it for clues.
80
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:11,849
Good luck.
You'll need it."
81
00:04:15,489 --> 00:04:16,988
Oh, hi. Michael, Stephanie.
82
00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:17,756
Joanna,
83
00:04:18,825 --> 00:04:22,260
this is the funniest thing
I have ever written.
84
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:24,128
Prepare to hold your sides.
85
00:04:25,799 --> 00:04:27,732
Hey, there goes one half
of a stable relationship.
86
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:30,134
What say we observe
Dick and Joanna for clues?
87
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,436
Well, I guess it's either that
88
00:04:31,471 --> 00:04:32,970
or take the test again
and cheat.
89
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,845
"When, uh-- when rolling out
the fiberglass,
90
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,514
[ Chuckles ]
91
00:04:43,216 --> 00:04:44,048
[ Laughing ]
it's, uh--
92
00:04:44,083 --> 00:04:46,484
it's very important you
wear gloves
93
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:47,185
or...
94
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:48,787
you might add...
95
00:04:49,389 --> 00:04:51,356
insulation to injury."
96
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,625
[ Laughs ]
97
00:04:59,165 --> 00:05:01,265
You-- you can-- you can let go
of your sides now.
98
00:05:13,413 --> 00:05:15,179
Do, uh-- do you want
to open this can of worms
99
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:15,880
or should I?
100
00:05:17,250 --> 00:05:19,317
Oh, Steph and I have suffered
a few bad dates,
101
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,284
and the Cosmo test we took
102
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,387
recommended that we observe
a stable couple.
103
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:23,655
Uh, you-- you two are it.
104
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,959
Well, that's flattering.
105
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:28,893
I guess.
106
00:05:29,463 --> 00:05:30,194
Where are you going?
107
00:05:33,567 --> 00:05:34,766
To get some coffee.
108
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,053
Michael, this isn't working.
109
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,555
Why, cuppers?
110
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:00,291
Because even on our worst dates,
more fun than this happens.
111
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,595
Well, that isn't
a fair comparison.
112
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,697
This is everyday life,
not a date.
113
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:07,331
Okay, we'll observe you
on a date.
114
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,633
No. No, no you won't.
115
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:11,736
That's why we got married,
116
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,170
so we wouldn't have to
date anymore.
117
00:06:14,508 --> 00:06:15,907
I think a date would be fun.
118
00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:19,176
I think a date would
be ridiculous.
119
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:23,147
That's just what I should expect
from a man who likes ruts.
120
00:06:23,182 --> 00:06:25,283
What are you talking about,
ruts?
121
00:06:25,318 --> 00:06:28,152
J--Just-- just last year,
I w-- I was spontaneous.
122
00:06:28,187 --> 00:06:29,053
[ Sighs ]
123
00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:32,490
[ Clears throat ]
124
00:06:32,526 --> 00:06:34,091
You two might wanna take
the Cosmo test
125
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,761
"Are You Fighting Your Way
to an Early Divorce?"
126
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:37,629
Not early enough.
127
00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,264
All right, we'll go
on a stupid date.
128
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,433
Great, make that a double.
129
00:06:41,468 --> 00:06:43,334
You two pick the place,
and Steph and I will be there
130
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:44,569
with peepers peeled.
131
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:45,269
[ Giggles ]
132
00:06:47,941 --> 00:06:49,240
Joanna, cut it out.
133
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,610
Dick, if you don't want us
to keep score, fine,
134
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:53,711
but if you want me
to keep score,
135
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:54,913
you can't keep yelling at me
136
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,881
every time I ask how you did
on a hole.
137
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,585
I got a six, okay?
138
00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:01,486
Okay.
139
00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:04,823
And how did you do?
140
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:06,591
I got a one.
141
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,227
See, that's why we never date.
142
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:10,762
Why?
143
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:12,897
Because every time you do
something
144
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,299
better than I do,
you-- you-- you gloat.
145
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,769
I'm not gloating.
146
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:19,671
You're comparing our scores.
147
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,005
I'm tabulating, Dick.
148
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,875
There is a difference between
tabulating and gloating.
149
00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,477
And what you're doing
is gloating.
150
00:07:27,848 --> 00:07:29,280
Are they still fighting?
151
00:07:29,315 --> 00:07:31,115
Does this place have
indoor/outdoor carpeting?
152
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,620
I'm beginning to think
this wasn't such a good idea.
153
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:36,688
Why, Steph?
154
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:37,689
Well, we're playing a game
155
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:39,624
where the aim is to be
below par.
156
00:07:39,659 --> 00:07:40,859
It's all wrong for me.
157
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:46,464
JOANNA: Oh, good, a water hole.
158
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:48,432
DICK: Trying to mess
with my concentration,
159
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:49,300
aren't you, Joanna?
160
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:51,736
And there's too much yelling.
161
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:53,037
Yeah, but, Steph,
maybe that's how
162
00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:54,506
they keep their
relationship fresh.
163
00:07:54,541 --> 00:07:55,339
You know, by arguing.
164
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:57,775
Should we try it?
165
00:07:58,444 --> 00:07:59,577
That's the assignment.
166
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:01,880
Okay.
167
00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,417
Michael, move out of the way.
It's my turn.
168
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,019
No-- no, it's not.
It's my turn.
169
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:08,786
It's mine.
170
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:09,587
-Mine.
-Mine.
171
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,722
-Mine.
-I'm bored.
172
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,927
Well, let's-- let's catch up
with Dick and Joanna.
173
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:17,595
Maybe we're missing something.
174
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:20,498
Oh, what-- what do you wanna say
we got on this hole?
175
00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:21,365
What's good?
176
00:08:21,768 --> 00:08:22,500
A two.
177
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:24,435
I'm tired of twos.
178
00:08:24,470 --> 00:08:25,803
Let's give ourselves ones.
179
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:28,139
Done.
[ Chuckles ]
180
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,174
Now, you realize if we join
Dick and Joanna,
181
00:08:30,209 --> 00:08:32,143
we may actually have to
play a hole.
182
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,210
Ew.
183
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,649
I swear that windmill
was inconsistent.
184
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:40,151
Dick, we are supposed to be
showing Stephanie and Michael
185
00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,086
that a long-term relationship
can be fun,
186
00:08:42,121 --> 00:08:43,521
and all we're doing is fighting.
187
00:08:43,557 --> 00:08:45,590
That's because somebody
has done nothing but--
188
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,058
Don't say it.
189
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:47,792
--gloat.
190
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:51,295
Well, what do you want me to do?
Let you win?
191
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,063
Yes.
192
00:08:52,098 --> 00:08:53,364
Dream on.
193
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,968
[ Crickets chirping ]
194
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:03,975
[ Gasps ]
195
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:06,243
I-- I don't believe it.
196
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:10,048
You-- you missed the wheel
altogether.
197
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,888
The-- the best
you can hope for...
198
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:18,189
is a three...
199
00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:21,125
and that would be a miracle!
200
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:23,895
Shut up!
201
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:25,496
[ Crickets chirping ]
202
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:26,197
Phew.
203
00:09:34,140 --> 00:09:35,239
[ Bell clangs ]
204
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,009
It-- it went in the gold seat.
205
00:09:40,546 --> 00:09:42,213
That means it's a hole-in-one.
206
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:45,583
That means you get
a free pass.
207
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:49,320
I mean, that's-- that's as good
as money.
208
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,791
I mean, that's like saying
you're a professional.
209
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,295
Is this a fun game or what?
210
00:09:58,331 --> 00:10:01,132
[ Bell slows and stops ]
211
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,266
[ Crickets chirping ]
212
00:10:02,301 --> 00:10:03,467
What's-- what's going on?
213
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,403
I think it's stuck.
214
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,173
Well, I'm gonna find that guy--
215
00:10:09,208 --> 00:10:11,042
Stephanie and Michael.
216
00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:11,743
[ Sighs ]
217
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:13,911
My, isn't life funny?
218
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,715
Well, I best go talk
to the manager.
219
00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:19,550
Excuse me, sweetie.
220
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,189
DICK: Hey, buddy!
221
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,826
Wait for me, honey!
222
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:32,030
What a swell game, huh?
223
00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:36,367
You know, Steph,
224
00:10:36,402 --> 00:10:37,568
Dick and Joanna
have actually been
225
00:10:37,603 --> 00:10:38,970
participating in this game.
226
00:10:39,005 --> 00:10:40,104
Maybe that's why
they're having fun.
227
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:43,407
All right. I'll try it.
228
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:54,752
Well, whose ball was that?
229
00:10:55,454 --> 00:10:56,320
Who cares?
230
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:01,325
[ Bell clangs ]
231
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:15,372
See, if we were having fun,
I think that would be exciting.
232
00:11:21,114 --> 00:11:23,081
Well, I-- I'm afraid
there's bad news
233
00:11:23,116 --> 00:11:25,183
on the bird front, Dick.
234
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,218
I designed a feeder with a hole
235
00:11:27,253 --> 00:11:28,652
that's big enough
for the birds
236
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,788
but too small for the squirrels.
237
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,424
Well, that-- that sounds good,
George.
238
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:34,525
What's-- what's the problem?
239
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,761
Well, a cardinal got in.
240
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:39,130
She ate so much,
she couldn't get back out.
241
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:43,634
So then she ate some more,
and by the time I got to her,
242
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:44,769
she was a balloon,
243
00:11:44,804 --> 00:11:47,404
so I'm kinda back to square one.
244
00:11:48,074 --> 00:11:49,006
That's all right, George,
245
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,507
'cause the last time
I checked the faucet,
246
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,709
it-- it had stopped dripping.
247
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:52,476
Oh, good.
248
00:11:52,511 --> 00:11:54,011
Yeah. Now it's
a steady stream.
249
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,915
All right, Dick, you decide.
250
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,316
A leaky faucet
251
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:02,553
or a chubby bird in distress?
252
00:12:05,158 --> 00:12:06,090
Chubby bird.
253
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:08,860
Dick,
254
00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:12,130
I've never felt closer to you
than right now.
255
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,544
Well, here we are.
256
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:28,813
Home sweet hotel.
257
00:12:28,848 --> 00:12:29,747
[ Chuckles ]
258
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:30,681
Oh.
259
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:32,917
[ Sighs ]
260
00:12:32,952 --> 00:12:33,617
Michael,
261
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:35,820
we really need to talk.
262
00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:40,758
I think we both agree
tonight was a bust.
263
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:41,959
I personally blame Dick.
264
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:45,663
Michael,
265
00:12:46,232 --> 00:12:47,331
my whole dating life
266
00:12:47,366 --> 00:12:50,201
I've had one steadfast,
unbreakable rule.
267
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,004
Four bad dates
and dump him.
268
00:12:54,740 --> 00:12:56,740
I had the same rule, Steph.
269
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:57,508
Oh, dear.
270
00:12:58,244 --> 00:12:59,844
Only mine was five bad dates.
271
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:02,680
Something has to give.
272
00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:04,315
I know.
273
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:05,850
I know. We-- we--
274
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:07,718
we love each other,
275
00:13:07,753 --> 00:13:09,253
but something has
zapped the zip.
276
00:13:13,059 --> 00:13:14,391
What do you think
we should do?
277
00:13:15,394 --> 00:13:16,994
Well, I feel like we've tried
everything.
278
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,229
I mean, you have
your break-up rule
279
00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:19,297
and I have mine,
280
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,233
so it seems to me there's
only one thing we can do.
281
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,272
Seek professional help.
282
00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,679
Professional help?
283
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,851
You mean... counseling?
284
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:42,786
Well, I know it's
an extreme step,
285
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,088
but nothing else
has brought back
286
00:13:44,123 --> 00:13:45,256
the old sizzle-lean.
287
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,427
Michael, you don't understand.
288
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,831
No one in my family has ever
received any help
289
00:13:53,867 --> 00:13:56,533
from a mental health
professional.
290
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,435
We've always been blessed
with enough money
291
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,371
to just lock the troubled ones
away.
292
00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,376
There has to be another way.
293
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,178
Maybe if we...
294
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:10,514
threw ourselves a party or...
295
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,216
went someplace tropical.
296
00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,518
Steph, what if we
do those things,
297
00:14:14,553 --> 00:14:15,686
and they turn out badly?
298
00:14:15,721 --> 00:14:17,154
How will we ever
dig ourselves out
299
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:18,789
from eight or nine bad dates?
300
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,893
I can't go to a counselor!
I won't!
301
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:27,932
We can always use
assumed names.
302
00:14:34,173 --> 00:14:36,640
And we'd have to go
to another town.
303
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:38,943
No one will ever know.
304
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:42,646
All right.
305
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:44,648
Attagirl.
306
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:50,187
I hope you realize how much
this means I love you,
307
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,088
Chuck.
308
00:15:01,467 --> 00:15:01,832
Hi.
309
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:06,304
I'm Mary Kaiser,
and you must be... Chuck,
310
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:08,406
and you must be... Dawn.
311
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:11,875
Righto.
312
00:15:12,378 --> 00:15:13,110
Nice to meet you.
313
00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:15,179
Now, what can I do
for you two?
314
00:15:15,214 --> 00:15:19,183
Well, we are here because
we've experienced a series
of dud dates.
315
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:20,985
We've gone from
fantastic to flat,
316
00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:22,253
and we're trying to put
some more pizz
317
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:23,354
into our zazz.
318
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:25,656
Uh-huh.
319
00:15:26,892 --> 00:15:29,260
The, uh, positive aspects
of your relationship
320
00:15:29,295 --> 00:15:30,227
seem to be waning?
321
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:32,629
-Huh?
-Huh?
322
00:15:34,867 --> 00:15:37,234
You don't have much fun anymore.
323
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:37,835
Bingo.
324
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,070
[ Chuckles ]
325
00:15:39,105 --> 00:15:41,839
Well, I'm-- I'm sure you're both
aware that all relationships
326
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,907
go through a natural ebb
and flow.
327
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,210
Uh, you two could just be
in a valley.
328
00:15:46,245 --> 00:15:47,311
We want all peaks.
329
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,645
We're-- we're used to all peaks.
330
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:53,650
I see.
331
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:56,820
Uh, well, what have you done
to help the situation?
332
00:15:56,856 --> 00:15:59,023
Uh, we took a Cosmo test
333
00:15:59,058 --> 00:16:00,858
and double-dated
with a stable couple.
334
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,927
I bought matching sweaters
and shopped for shoes
335
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,196
made from exotic reptiles.
336
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:07,298
The usual.
337
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:09,066
Of course.
338
00:16:10,936 --> 00:16:13,604
Excuse me,
what is today's date?
339
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:14,171
The 11th.
340
00:16:14,740 --> 00:16:15,839
And that's not a day
341
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,774
where people play pranks
on one another, is it?
342
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:23,214
Don't think so.
343
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:24,548
Uh-huh.
344
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,986
Let's try to take this
one step at a time.
345
00:16:29,022 --> 00:16:30,954
You say you want more fun.
346
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,023
Define fun.
347
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:33,090
Chuck?
348
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,325
Oh, that's easy.
349
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:36,027
Uh, sneaking
into department stores
350
00:16:36,062 --> 00:16:37,728
and replacing
those loser wallet photos
351
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:38,996
with snaps of Ours Truly.
352
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,197
[ Giggles ]
353
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:43,800
Really?
354
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,369
Generally, a fun date
355
00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:46,803
is filled with grins
and giggles
356
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,605
and a general sense
of being superior to others.
357
00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:53,610
Feeling smug and giggling.
358
00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:55,212
And no yelling.
359
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:59,083
Let's discuss likes
and dislikes.
360
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:01,552
Dawn, what do you like
about Chuck?
361
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:03,720
His hair.
362
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:06,290
Yeah.
363
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:12,696
I-- I was talking more about
things that he has control over.
364
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:18,035
The way he fixes his hair.
365
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,940
Thanks, cupcake.
366
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:23,640
[ Dr. Kaiser sighs ]
367
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:24,975
No, Dawn,
368
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:30,181
what personality traits
do you admire in Chuck?
369
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:34,785
Chuck, I thought you said
there weren't going to be
370
00:17:34,820 --> 00:17:35,953
any hard questions.
371
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,789
Uh, Dr. Kaiser, uh,
372
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:42,259
my personality is reflected
in how I fix my hair,
373
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,728
and Dawn is saying
she likes that.
374
00:17:47,866 --> 00:17:50,201
Come on, who sent you here?
Dr. Howe?
375
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,001
[ Laughs ]
376
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,639
We-- we got your name
from the Yellow Pages.
377
00:17:57,943 --> 00:17:59,076
Then, let's just go on.
378
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:03,380
Chuck, what do you like
about Dawn?
379
00:18:03,416 --> 00:18:05,015
Everything.
[ Giggles ]
380
00:18:05,050 --> 00:18:07,184
She is perfection personified.
381
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:07,884
[ Chuckles ]
382
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:12,656
Any criticism?
383
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:13,724
None. Well...
384
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,593
[ Chuckles ]
She knows how I feel
385
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,894
about certain shades
of toenail polish.
386
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:20,897
We're very open
about things like that.
387
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:23,667
So you can see
how in sync we are.
388
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:26,170
Can you clue us in as to why
the fun-slippage?
389
00:18:28,341 --> 00:18:31,408
Well, we can try to work through
this relationship together,
390
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,577
and I emphasize "try."
391
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,580
I-- I suggest that we start
with no less
392
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:37,881
than three sessions a week.
393
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:39,683
What?
394
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,953
Oh-- oh, we can't come back.
395
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:44,522
We need answers today.
396
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:46,290
That's the deal, doc.
397
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:47,891
There'll be no sequels
to this sesh.
398
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:51,262
Well, I hardly think
it would be fair of me
399
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:53,297
to judge you
based on one short meeting.
400
00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:54,398
Well, come on, doc.
401
00:18:54,433 --> 00:18:55,999
We know you've got car payments,
but give us a break.
402
00:18:56,035 --> 00:18:56,767
[ Giggles ]
403
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:04,508
But sometimes one short meeting
is all you need.
404
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,209
[ Chuckles ]
405
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,010
Well, uh,
406
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:09,813
I-- I think it's fairly obvious
407
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:12,849
that you two share the same
shallow values.
408
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:15,219
Right.
409
00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,291
A--A--Again, I-- I just met you,
410
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:22,092
uh, but I suspect that you
411
00:19:22,127 --> 00:19:24,595
prevent each other
from growing.
412
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:25,362
Thank you.
413
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,266
Dr. Kaiser, I think
I speak for us both
414
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:30,867
when I say we
appreciate the praise,
415
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,403
but are more interested
in the prescription.
416
00:19:36,742 --> 00:19:38,875
I recommend you
stop seeing each other.
417
00:19:40,546 --> 00:19:43,180
You mean take a brief vacation
from each other.
418
00:19:43,216 --> 00:19:44,315
I mean break up.
419
00:19:46,051 --> 00:19:46,783
For--?
420
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:48,018
Ever.
421
00:19:48,053 --> 00:19:50,421
Run away from each other.
Never see each other again.
422
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,424
Michael, I don't think this
is going to help us
423
00:19:53,459 --> 00:19:54,458
have more fun.
424
00:19:54,493 --> 00:19:57,328
You two have the most
surface relationship
425
00:19:57,363 --> 00:19:58,562
I have ever seen.
426
00:19:58,598 --> 00:20:01,699
Now, if you will excuse me,
I have thinking patients to see.
427
00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:08,939
And you swear Dr. Howe's
not behind this?
428
00:20:12,845 --> 00:20:17,881
Dick, you'll be glad to know
that everything is A-Okay.
429
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:20,718
You mean you've finally designed
a squirrel-proof feeder.
430
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:22,353
No, I put up two.
431
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:24,288
One filled with stuff
the birds like
432
00:20:24,323 --> 00:20:26,657
and one filled with nuts
for the squirrels.
433
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:28,925
And I'm gonna right now
get a pipe wrench
434
00:20:28,961 --> 00:20:30,427
to fix that leak.
435
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,896
I think I'll tell Joanna
that she can put away the, uh--
436
00:20:32,931 --> 00:20:33,731
the scuba gear.
437
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:39,903
Hey, you raccoons,
get away from there!
438
00:20:39,938 --> 00:20:40,804
[ Sighs ]
439
00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:43,340
Looks like our skyline's
gonna be dotted
440
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:44,541
with feeders, Dick.
441
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:48,011
[ Sighs ]
442
00:20:48,046 --> 00:20:50,247
Honey, you wanna put the bed
on pontoons?
443
00:21:01,327 --> 00:21:02,660
I am so depressed.
444
00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:07,130
Did you hear what Dr. Kaiser
yelled out after us.
445
00:21:07,166 --> 00:21:08,899
"Don't even try
to remain friends."
446
00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:13,437
Maybe she was right.
447
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,474
All the signs point
to breaking up.
448
00:21:18,877 --> 00:21:20,043
Steph, we can't give up.
449
00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:21,578
There must be something
we can do.
450
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:25,382
I can't chance
another bad time.
451
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:27,518
It's beginning to affect
my complexion.
452
00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:31,855
I know.
453
00:21:35,728 --> 00:21:37,294
But I still feel that there's--
454
00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:39,430
there's something
that we haven't tried.
455
00:21:39,465 --> 00:21:40,030
Michael,
456
00:21:40,633 --> 00:21:42,666
stop torturing yourself.
457
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:46,637
Maybe we aren't
right for each other.
458
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:51,074
Maybe we should just...
break up.
459
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:54,611
What else can we do?
460
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:03,286
Should we risk a kiss?
461
00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:07,057
I'd hate to part
with a bad memory.
462
00:22:18,170 --> 00:22:19,503
It wasn't bad.
463
00:22:26,044 --> 00:22:26,877
Good-bye.
464
00:22:28,514 --> 00:22:29,279
Cupcake.
465
00:22:46,098 --> 00:22:46,830
What if--?
466
00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:53,069
What if we got married?
467
00:22:57,075 --> 00:22:58,308
A wedding might be fun.
468
00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:08,786
There'd be parties and presents
and color schemes!
469
00:23:08,821 --> 00:23:09,720
Ooh!
470
00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:13,356
It's back!
471
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:14,725
[ Giggles ]
472
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:53,630
Meow.
40779
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