All language subtitles for Newhart S06E05

Hi, hi, hotel honcho.

So aren't you gonna ask me?

I-- I wasn't going to,

but how was teaching
that TV production class?

Dick, you didn't
raise your hand.

[ Giggles ]

-[ Phone rings ]
-[ Clears throat ]

Hello, Stratford Inn.

Oh, hi, Bev.

Uh, Michael?

Yeah, he's-- he's standing here,
uh, uh, waving his arms

and making faces.

Hi, Bev. Finally tracked
you down.

Yeah.

I know I promised you ideas
for that new time slot,

and I've got scads of 'em.

Yeah, but Dick's been

all over my back this week
about Vermont Today .

Well, you know these stars.

Oops, Dick's makin'
outrageous demands

even as we speak.
I gotta go.

Michael, don't use me
as an excuse

for ducking Bev.

Gee, Dick, you weren't
eavesdropping?

Hi, nanny.
Your professor's here!

Michael, nannies can be old.

I like your dessert nicknames
much better.

It's filed.

Oh, and before we go, cupcake--

[ Happy sigh ]

I've got kind
of a favor to ask you.

Well, it's not the way
we usually do things,

but go ahead.

Well, I was just wondering

if you'd come with me
to class on Thursday.

I-- I thought one way
to get those kids

really sparked on TV production

would be to show them

the kinda chicks
we producers get.

I guarantee you oodles of envy.

Oh, Michael.

You're such a salesman.

[ Laughs ]

Let me get my coat
and we can go shopping

and show those kids
the kind of outfit

a producer's paycheck
can buy.

You scratch my back,
I clothe yours.

And, Dick, don't be jealous.

I haven't finished handing out
the classroom favors yet.

Well, now that Producer's Chick
is gone,

what's-- what's left?

Type this on your resume:
Guest Lecturer.

Those kids are just drooling

to hear from
a small market talent.

So can I pencil you in?

Oh, Michael, you're such
a salesman.

Hi.

Oh, hi.

You must be a guest.

Well, I'm off-duty, but--

Joanna, there's a guest!

There you go.

Hello.

Oh, hi. I'm Bill Coder.

You have a reservation for me?

Okay.

Boy, I'm really exhausted.

I just drove straight through
from Austin.

2,000 miles in 32 hours
just to catch the fall colors.

And I've only got a week.

That's why I came
to the only place

that would guarantee
a specific date

for the leaves
changing colors:

the Stratford Inn.

Uh, Mr. Coder,

no one can predict
the exact date

the leaves will change.

But I called ahead.

And someone here promised me
I'd see the fall colors.

Ah, the fall colors.

Raspberry red, lemon yellow,
orange orange.

You must be the guy I talked to.

Bill Coder?

Uh-huh.

George, you didn't by any chance
promise Mr. Coder

the leaves would change color
this week?

Sure did.

George, don't answer
the phone anymore.

Is there gonna be some problem?

Don't worry.

I've been living in this town
57 years,

and every autumn,

the leaves change right after

the last blossom falls off
the hibiscus out front.

Sure enough,

there's only one left,
and it's dangling.

Great.

Come on, Bill.

I'll show you my photo album

of every change since '53
to sorta get you hepped up.

The change of '71
was really breathtaking.

I could just kick myself
for not splurging

on color film that year.

So...

summing up my philosophy,
I say,

"Forget PBS,
just go for the bucks."

Steve?

Are there any openings
at your station, Mr. Harris?

Well, Steve, as I told you
at the last class

and over the phone
yesterday, no.

Any other questions?

Mr. Harris,
is the TV producer's job

as great as you've been
telling us?

Generally, it's great.

[ Chuckles ]

But it has its rough spots.

Like every 10 years or so,

television buckles under
to the outcry

for quality programming

from small bands
of snobby elitists.

Your best bet
during these periods

is to just lay low,

because eventually
the viewing public

will stand up as one and say,

"We want the chimp show."

I have an idea for a show

about a family torn apart
by divorce,

but it could work just as well
with chimps.

Mr. Harris, I've been
working on a script

about the struggle
of living with agoraphobia.

Chelsea, that's
a perfect example

of the trouble
with TV movies lately.

They've been so busy
glorifying trendy diseases

and torching spouses
on their Sertas

that... they've forgotten
to have fun.

So in your professional opinion,
Mr. Harris,

what does make
a good television movie?

Simple.

You just reunite the cast
of any '70s sitcom

or family drama

for a wedding or a funeral,

depending on the health
of the older actors

and...

you've got yourselves
a two hour...

through-the-roofer.

Your biggest problem
is recasting the holdouts,

but sometimes God is with you.

For instance,

when they went to redo
What's Happening ,

the entire cast was available.

What about originality?

Now, what's all this obsession
with originality?

I predict someday

that the word "rehash"
will be an art term.

Know what I think television
really needs?

More heart.

Exactly my point.

What's got more heart...

than Keith, Laurie, Danny,
all the Partridge kids,

reunited to sing at the wedding
of their mom, Shirley

to Rueben Kincaid?

Not television heart,

uh, normal people
with real concerns.

Why not a citizen's forum?

Sort of an electronic soapbox?

-Hey.
-Not bad.

Yeah.
Any chance, Mr. Harris?

It lacks something.
Some twist.

Maybe if you cast

Audrey and Judy Landers
as the real people, with...

maybe Jimmy Osmond
heading up the house band.

You're missin' the point,
Mr. Harris.

Oh?

I think my success as a producer
speaks for itself.

And I say, Landers or not,

you've got yourself a yawnfest.

Oh, are you here
to clap the erasers?

[ Giggles ]

Only kidding.

[ Giggles ]

It's our guest celebrity,

Dick Loudon
of Vermont Today .

Michael, I-- I think I've
brought their envy to a peak,

so I'm going to go now.

I wish you all lots of success.

[ Giggles ]

Well, I guess there's
nothing else to do

but bring on our guest.

I hope he's not nervous,
because, usually,

he doesn't have
this big an audience.

[ Giggles ]

Here-- here he is,
Dick-- Dick Loudon.

[ Some clapping ]

Oh.
[ Clears throat ]

Thank you for that smattering
of-- of applause.

[ Clears throat ]

Mr. Loudon, Steve Windsell.

Is it true there's
a lot of nepotism

in this business?

Because if it is,

I've been checking out
a few things,

and I may be distantly related
to you.

As well as to you,
Mr. Harris.

My-- my guess is that
you're probably

more related to--
to Mr. Harris.

Now, uh, can we break up
this emotional family reunion

and, uh--

and get to tonight's subject,
local television?

I-- I-- I can't tell you
what a pleasure it is

to be able to talk in class

without getting yelled at.

[ Laughs ]

Good joke, Mr. Harris.

Mist-- Mr. Harris?

That's right.

Nothing comes out
of your mouth

that hasn't gone through
Mr. Harris' typewriter.

Remember about insulating
the on-air talent

from the cold realities
of the business?

E-- Exactly what did he say?

Well, Mr. Harris told us

that as Vermont Today 's
talking head,

you're more or less his puppet.

Mi-- Michael, what--

what have you been
telling these people?

Oh, Mr. Harris,

is this gonna be one
of those famous tantrums

you told us about?

Michael, last night was,
without exception,

the most humiliating of my life.

Especially that part about me
being your puppet!

Dick, Dick,
put the past behind you.

We've got a production meeting
to do here.

So this puppet,

it should look a lot like Dick?

Is Michael here?

And-- and bless the
production meeting and--

and please keep--
keep us on budget.

-Oh, Bev.
-Michael,

I'm still waiting to hear
your ideas for the new show.

We've only got 8 days to put
whatever it is on the air,

so I want your ideas
and I want them now.

Well, Bev, I-- I was, uh,

trying to buy some time to--
to flesh them out,

but the basic concepts are
ooh, ooh, hot!

So is the water
you're standing in.

Okay.

Sizzler number one.

I call it Runners-Up:
What Might Have Been .

See, we get runners-up,
you know, like, uh,

the first runner-up
of this year's

Miss Green Mountain contest or--

or the kid who came in second
in the state spelling bee.

And we get those losers
on the show

and invite them to badmouth
the winners on camera!

[ Giggles ]

I see bitterness, I see crying,
I see swimwear,

at least in the case of that
Near-Miss Green Mountain.

Michael, I'm not interested
in turning WPIV

into a freak show.

Oh.

Are you against freak show
as a concept

or just as a title?

I'm looking for something
with heart.

Heart.

What have you got with heart,
Michael?

Heart.

Okay.

How 'bout...

... Battle of the
Senior Citizens !

Athletic competition between
rival retirement homes.

Old folks scream heart.

Yeah, especially after

about three laps
around the track.

Michael,

I'm interested in quality,
not body count.

Obviously I was wrong
about you.

Programming
isn't your future.

Bev, if you just give me
a couple more days--

I'm gonna make
a few phone calls,

see if I can't scramble up
something last minute

to fill the slot for now.

And, Michael,

I want you in my office
in 10 minutes.

Dibs on his parking space.

Oh, heart. Heart!

[ Chuckles ]

How about, uh,

Citizens Forum?

Real people, real gripes?

Nah.

I like it.

Kind of a-- an open microphone,
man-on-the-street,

what's your beef!

Michael, I n-- I never thought
I'd say this about

one of your ideas,

and-- and it-- it worries me,

but I-- I-- I like it too.

Well, it's kinda rough, but I--
I know I can make it work.

I mean, picture
the Landers sisters

as the real people...

I'm-- I'm not worried anymore.

Michael, it was perfect the way
you first said it.

Simple, uncluttered television
with heart.

We could have it on the air
by Saturday.

Congratulations.

Bev, it's just, I don't feel
right pitching this show.

I mean, it's-- it's just--

you put a lot of pressure on me.

Obviously you work best
under pressure.

ALL: Great idea, Michael.

How are you coming
with those leaves, George?

Not so good.

That stupid blossom
is still dangling,

and the leaves won't change
'til it falls.

But why don't you
just pluck it, George?

I don't wanna play God,
Joanna.

George, did you ever think

that even if the blossom
does fall off,

the leaves still
might not change?

I didn't hear that, Joanna.

Hi, Mrs. Loudon!
Hi, George.

Oh, hi.

I looked outside my window
this morning,

and everything was sure green.

And you seem okay with that.

Oh, sure.

I read that the longer
the leaves stay green,

the more vibrant the colors
when they do turn.

Boy, this place must be
gearing up for a real show.

Yeah.

I got some serious
nudging to do.

[ Sighs ]

I'm sorry, Steph.

Michael, when we're on a date,
we do date stuff.

You're supposed to go through
your own personal hells

on your own time.

I know the guideline, Steph.

It's just that I'm--

I'm new to this guilt game.

I-- I didn't mean
to pitch Neil's idea,

but Bev backed me
into a corner.

Michael,
[ Sighs ]

remember when you told me,

even though I never really
showed any interest,

that part of a producer's job

is to recognize
talented people,

promote their ideas,
and then claim

as much credit
as he can get away with?

Yeah.

So!

You weren't stealing
that student's idea,

you were just being the best
darn producer you could.

I guess, but--

Michael!

I've done all the cheering up
I'm going to.

I would like to see
some results now.

Oh, all right.

One more cheery thought,
and it's a biggie.

Just remember that you have

the cutest girlfriend
in the whole world.

[ Giggles ]
I knew I could do it.

[ Kisses ]

Damn, I'm good.

Dick, have you got a mo-mo

for a man-to-man
heart-to-heart?

Michael, you actually made
my head hurt.

Well, Dick, I've done
something wrong.

Not-- not big wrong,
but boo boo wrong.

A-- And?

And I just want you
to yell at me.

Uh-huh?

Dick, I've been feeling guilty

about what I did to you,
you know, yesterday in class

a-- among-- among other things.

I just want you to give me
that verbal spanking I deserve.

Just-- just verbal?

Come on, Dick.

Take the safety off that tongue.

[ Sighs ]

All right, Michael. Um,

[ Sighs ]

M-- uh, Michael, you--
you know, that--

that was, um, really a pretty--
you know, pretty--

pretty crummy, uh--

a pretty-- pretty crummy thing
that-- that you--

you did to me in class.

Louder, Dick.
More venom.

I mean, uh, you told those kids,
you know, like, um,

out-- you know, out and out--
out and out lies.

Go with it, Dick.
Fist to wood.

I-- I mean, uh, sh-- shame--
shame on you.

M-- Michael,
anger isn't something

that I can just call up on--

on the spur of the moment.

I stole Citizen's Forum
from a student.

You what?!

That's great, Dick.
Just what I came for.

You-- you took an idea
from one of the kids?

You-- you slime.

Dick, Dick, I think you're
flirting with overkill.

Michael, you had better do
the right thing.

I will.

Dick, that, uh--
that right thing?

Could you give me a hint
what that is?

Well, it's time for class.

7 o'clock, 6 Central.

[ Giggles ]

Well, before we get started,
why don't you, uh--

why don't you hand in
your homework assignments?

I can't wait to read your ideas
for a spin-off

for Barney Rubble.

Just-- just pass 'em forward.

I guess Barn' didn't
spark anyone.

We saw the promo for
Citizen's Forum last night.

You know something funny?

Right after I sold
Citizen's Forum

to the station,

I couldn't shake the feeling
we'd discussed

something similar in class.

You stole that idea
from the class.

Well, now I don't think
it's quite that simple.

You know how it is when...

a group of people
are brainstorming.

After a while,
you just sort of forget

who came up with the idea
in the first place.

ENTIRE CLASS:
It was Neil!

Way-- way to go, Neil.

I want you to know I'm gonna--
I'm gonna do the right thing.

[ Chuckles ]

I'm gonna make sure you get,

uh, the recognition
you deserve.

Let's-- let's hear it for Neil.

[ Claps ]

That's not enough.

Well-- Well, what do you
want from me?

You know, Neil's not the only
one who suffered here.

I was feeling so guilty
the other night about Neil,

that it completely ruined
a date with Steph.

So then I felt guilty
about Steph.

Wait, when I felt guilty
about Steph,

I apologized to Steph,
so maybe I--

I should...

apologize to Neil.
Is that it?

Is that the right thing?

It's worth a try.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

So why do I still feel guilty?

I mean, that's always so
cleansing for Steph.

Did that do anything
for you, Neil?

Don't talk to me.
Talk to my lawyer.

Lawyer?

Nicholas Prescott, Mr. Harris.

I'm not actually a lawyer,

I'm a law student
and a friend of Neil's.

So you're just here
as a... friend?

And law student.

And, uh, speaking as one who,
uh, knows the law,

I think what would make
Neil feel better

is the following:

uh, full recognition and credit
for Neil Poland

as creator of Citizen's Forum ,

an on-air retraction
of previous credits

and financial compensation

not limited to his
actual percentage

of the show itself.

And maybe your job.

I see.

Do you have a pass
to be here?

VOICEOVER: When we return
to Citizen's Forum,

we'll hear from Bobby Terrow,

who'll tell us what it is
about Styrofoam cups

that really drives him nuts.

And commercial.

Hi. Hi, hi all.

Michael, where have you been?
The show is almost over.

Bev, I know.

I would've been here
for the premiere,

but we had an unforeseeable
accident

and ran out of gas.

Michael,

who is this?

Oh, Bev, this is one
of my students,

Neil Poland.

I predict you'll be hearing
his name a lot in the future.

Hopefully in the next
five minutes.

Don't worry, Dick.

I'm gonna fess up
right now.

Hey, everybody...

How's it goin'?

-It's terrific
-Really?

Yep.

I never had
a corned beef sandwich

quite this tangy.
Want a bite?

Back from commercial
in three, two...

VOICEOVER: Styrofoam cups:

modern convenience
or Satan's chalice?

Bev, uh, can-- can we discuss
Citizen's Forum privately?

Michael, I'm sure it can wait
until after the show.

Bev, ac-- actually,

I think this is something
you'll wanna discuss

before we-- we roll credits.

Uh, Bev--

Nice frock!

And did-- And did I mention
that Neil is the kid

who inspired me to create
Citizen's Forum ?

[ Giggles ]

By, uh--

by, uh-- by coming up
with the premise, the format,

and the title.

You stole the idea?

Of course not, Bev.

Neil's lawyer friend said
the proper phrase is

"unlawful appropriation."

Oh, my God.

Bev, the important thing is
I told the truth and-- and--

and the guilt is gone.

However, it's rapidly
being replaced

by fear for my job.

But I'm sure that fear
will be gone in a minute.

Right, Bev? Once again,
dynamite dress.

Miss Dutton, you've gotta
come quick.

The whole switchboard
is lit up.

Both lines?

People really love the show,
huh?

No, they hate it.

23 calls, and they all feel
they've got real problems,

and just wish our people
would quit whining

about their own
petty complaints.

Uh, Vern the gofer, meet Neil,
the creator of Citizen's Forum .

But I thought you were the--

Hey, Bud, did you meet Neil,
the creator of Citizen's Forum ?

Uh, well-- uh, uh,
you know how it is

when a group of people

are brainstorming and-- and--
and before long,

you forget who came up
with the idea...

It was Neil!

[ Giggles ]

Dick, you were right.

I told the truth
and I feel great!

It was-- his show!
His show!

[ Giggles ]

Hey, everybody!
Meet Neil!

Sorry about the leaves,
Mr. Coder,

but there's always next year.

Actually, there's later
this year,

but I guess you can't stay.

That was sorta the reason
for calling ahead.

It wasn't such a bad vacation.

Saw them make butter.

Saw them make cheese.

Saw them make maple syrup.

Ate a lot.

Well, I'm sorry George
isn't here to see you off.

Actually, I haven't
seen him around

since yesterday.

Oh, that's okay.

I'd probably kill him.

Well, so long.

-JOANNA: So long.
-GEORGE: Not so fast, Coder.

In living color,

direct from the state of Maine,

autumn leaves!

Oh!

Ah!

Meow.