All language subtitles for Newhart S05E04

[ Sighs ]

Stephanie, is-- is
something wrong?

One of the most important people
in my life is gone.

I'm so sorry.

I can't believe my
hairdresser moved away.

One minute they're here,
laughing and smiling,

and the next minute they're
opening a salon in California.

Yeah. You hear about it
happening to other people,

but... you never think it's
gonna happen to you.

Oh, why is life so hard?

They say, sometimes,

work can... take your mind
off your grief.

Who could possibly think of work
at a time like this?

Oh, Dick, honey,

I want you to meet Hal Foster,
from my wine-tasting class.

Hal, this is my husband, Dick,
from the rest of my life.

-Hi. -Nice to meet you.

Ever since I started
taking the course,

I just knew I had to get the
two of you together.

I know you're really
gonna hit it off.

I know I-- I certainly
felt something.

[ Laughs ]

I've seen you on Vermont Today.

I really enjoy the show.

Oh, thank you.

We-- We try to do an
interesting show with, uh,

thought provoking guests.

Ah, so, Dick,

how come you're not taking
this wine class,

like everybody else in town?

Well, I'm, uh-- I'm busy
working on a book.

Uh, you know, there's a lot of
research involved,

and, uh, and besides, I...

I think it's stupid.

No... [ Laughs ]

Dick.

No, actually, I felt the
same way at first,

but I'm havin' fun,

learning a lot, and
the homework...

...is not half bad.

[ Laughs ]

In fact, tonight we have to
taste this bottle

of '78 Cabernet Sauvignon.

Hey, why don't you join us?
This is a good wine...

Red.

That's-- That's one of the
two best kinds.

Let-- Let me give it a try.

Wine classes?

Nice move, Dick. Now try for
the rest of the cork.

[ Knocking on door ]

Dick, Dick, Dick.

What, what, what?

Can we talk?
Hombre to hombre ?

Si.

I... I have some
terrible news for you.

[ Clears throat ] What is it?

Okay, now, Dick, this is
some heavy stuff,

so try to keep that lava
on a low boil.

Everybody knows what a
hothead you are.

What do you mean? I'm--
I'm not a hothead.

Whoa, Dick. Temperature rising.

Take a gander at these.

24 color photos of Joanna and
some hubba-hubba guy.

Where did you get these?

Well, the moment I saw Joanna
with this homewrecker,

I ran home and got my camera.

If I was gonna blow any up,
I'd pick this one.

But they're all good for court.

Michael, I know this guy.

These are pictures of
Joanna and Hal Foster.

He-- he's a friend of hers.
And mine.

Dick, you're not just
acting like this

so you'll have an alibi

for when you buy a gun and
plug this bozo?

[ Sighs ]

Looks like you're onto me,
Michael.

I guess I'm gonna have to
take you out, too.

[ Laughs ]

Joke, right, Dick?

Michael, Joanna and Hal
are just friends,

and I think it's fine.

Gee, Dick, you're more of an
'80s kind of guy

than I thought.

-Oh, hi, JJ. -Hi, Michael.

Uh, Dick, Bud and I have a few
questions for you about...

Oh. You've seen... the pictures.

Poor, pathetic,
betrayed little fella.

There is nothing going on
between Joanna and Hal and--

and the pictures mean nothing.

Sure, Dick.

I know I'd need more to go on
than photographic evidence.

Nice pictures of you and
the wife, Dick.

You know, you look a lot
better on film.

I'm looking for someone to
replace my hairdresser.

Someone who could cut my hair
so I can do this.

Oh. Thursday at ten is fine.
Bye.

So you finally have
an appointment.

No he has an interview.

I can't be too careful.

You're welcome to use
my hairdresser.

Oh, that's sweet. No.

What's wrong with mine?

Oh, Joanna you really
don't know do you?

Sometime we'll talk.

Hi.

I'm Larry. This is my
brother Darryl.

And this is my other
brother Darryl.

Hi, guys.

Rumor has it, Miss Stephanie,

that you're having some
follicle problems.

Well, you're in luck.

Darryl here would be happy to
give you a shampoo,

blow dry, and a shave.

He's been itchin' to use his
cosmetology training again.

People actually let you
cut their hair?

Well, technically
not people yet.

But there ain't an
unhappy sheep in town.

Thanks, fellas, but...

I'd rather not be worked
on by equipment

that's been touched
by livestock.

Well, okay.

But if you change your mind,
we're available.

And remember,

if you don't look good, we
don't look good.

Hi-- Hi, guys.

Can I, uh-- Can I help you?

[ Sighs ]

We drew drizzle to determine
who's gonna spill the bad news.

Darrel lost.

Darryl's chicken. It seems that
Darryl's chickened out.

Of course, who could blame him,
with your bad reputation.

What-- what reputation?

As a hothead.

Now...

...let me put this in the most
delicate terms possible.

Another hog is moving
in on your sow.

What-- What-- What are these?

Darryl took the liberty
of making some

crayon sketches of
the two of 'em.

The blue one is Miss Joanna.

That's her, all right.

I'm afraid Darryl was
quite graphic.

But it's true. She was grinning.

Well, I-- I appreciate
your concern,

but there's-- there's no
reason to worry.

Uh, Joanna and Hal,

the brown figure,

are-- are taking a
wine-tasting class together.

They're just-- They're
just friends.

Come on, Darryl.

Some men just refuse to read the
Crayola on the wall.

You know, I-- I can't get
over some people.

I mean, they think just
because a married woman

is seen in town with a single
man, it's an affair.

Oh, who's having an affair? Who?
Who?

You...

...and Hal.

Me?

Well, what small-minded people

are spreading those
kind of rumors?

A couple guys at the station,
Larry, Darryl, and Darryl,

the Petersons, and Mrs. Preddy.

Who's Mrs. Preddy?

A woman who introduced herself
to me at the market

just to tell me about
you and Hal.

You're kidding?

Well, gee. Hal and I have been
on a few field trips.

We bought some wine together,
but that was all for class.

[ Chuckles ]

Honey, you don't have to
explain it to me.

Well, Dick, you know the only
reason I'm spending

this much time with Hal

is because you're busy
with your book.

Honey, it doesn't
bother me a bit.

I'm, uh... '80s kind of guy.

Besides, the people
that know us best

know the truth.

And you were so happy.

Gee, Dick, this is beautiful.
Joanna really outdid herself.

Well, I-- actually, I
outdid myself.

What's the occasion?

I finished my book this morning,

and, uh, Joanna and I
decided to celebrate by

by having dinner
together tonight.

Then, shouldn't she be here?

She will be.

She's out, uh, touring a
collector's wine cellar.

Oh, she's on another
date with Hal.

It's not a date.

Hal pick her up, they drove
to the wine cellar

and Hal will drive her up here.

What part of that makes
it not a date.

George, I told you not to
worry about it.

She's just a little...
pretty late.

But she'll be here any minute,

and then the two of us will
be sitting down

and enjoying one
hell of a roast.

How's-- how's that roast?

Terrific. I'm stuffed.

Joanna sure missed a
wonderful dinner.

Good wine, good food,
good company.

You know, Dick,

when your eyes catch the
flames just right,

they sparkle like diamonds.

Whoa. I think I've had
enough of this.

Dick. Dick, I'm sorry I'm late,
but I can explain everything.

Great dinner, Dick.

I think I'll just have my
parfait up in my room.

Joanna, you're pretty...
a lot late.

It's a very
hard-to-believe story,

but please don't jump
to conclusions

and just let me finish.

Hal and I met the class at
the wine cellar.

Afterwards, we were
caravanning to a cheese shop,

and a huge truck got between us
and everybody else,

and Hal and I got lost.

Then we stopped at a gas station

to ask where the
cheese shop was.

Dick, the guy acted like he
knew. He didn't.

And so there we were on some
tiny little road

that was just getting tinier.

Now, I know this sounds even
more unbelievable,

but the car broke down,

and Hal spent an hour trying
to get it started.

He finally did.

Now, I know this sounds
even more insane,

but it would only go in reverse.

We backed up 24 miles,

all the way home, and it
took twice as long,

because Hal had to keep
stopping to rub his neck.

And then a block from our house,
he tried shifting again,

it went right into forward.

Now, I know it sounds crazy and
suspicious, and unbelievable,

and there's no way I can prove
any of it happened,

but it really, really did, and
you've just got to believe me.

Honey, I'm just-- I'm just glad
you're home and you're okay.

That's it?

You're not upset?

Didn't you wonder where I
was all this time?

Well, sure, but knowing
you were with Hal

made me feel a lot better.

And you weren't...

at all concerned that something
else might happen?

Oh, I thought about it.

You know, you could have
been in an accident.

Dick, I'm out after dark with
an attractive man,

I'm four hours late,

and all you worried about was
that I might be dead?

Joanna, I just happen
to trust you.

Well, that is the most
insensitive thing

I've ever heard.

I-- I couldn't have
started this one.

Watch what you say to him. You
know how he gets.

Hi, Jim, Chester.

We have something to tell you,
Dick.

We're just a little worried how
you might take it.

Yeah, we know what a
hothead you are.

What is this? I'm not a hothead!

Well, you walked straight
into that one.

We don't want to worry you,
Dick,

but we've been seeing a lot

of Joanna and Hal seeing a lot
of each other lately.

The whole town's abuzz.

There's even talk of doing some
graffiti about it.

Look, uh, guys, do--
do me a favor.

Go back to your people...

and-- and tell 'em
everything is fine

between Joanna and myself.

As a matter of fact, things have
never been better.

Jim, Chester... You.

So if you need a place to stay,

there's room in my attic.

I'm going out now to a lecture,
not that you care.

Uh, Joanna, don't you
feel kinda silly

being mad at me
because I trust you?

[ Laughs ]

Okay. Okay. I'm--

I'm-- I'm sorry I--

I wasn't angrier about you
and Hal last night.

And-- and-- and believe me,

if all that stuff
happened again...

Well, I'd-- I'd be
pretty suspicious.

If you'll get out of my way, I
paid for a ticket,

I don't want to be late.

Joanna, you've never given me
one reason not to trust you

in the 16 years that
we've been married.

Sure, Dick. Rub that in my face.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the
Legion Meeting Hall

for a lecture on the
Italian wine country.

And exactly what time
will you be back?

Nice try, Dick.

No, I'm serious. New rules.

You're not leaving here until I
hear all the details.

Fair enough, Dick.

First, I'm going to
the Legion Hall,

then I'm going out for a night
of wild, unrestrained passion.

And you'd better be back by 10.

Oh, hi, Stephanie.

I know what you're thinking. My
hair cut is hideous.

So why don't you just come
right out and say it?

Stephanie, it-- It looks fine.

Hi, Dick.

Steph, your locks. Hatchet job!

Oh, Michael, the man is
licensed by the state,

and he cuts my hair to within
an inch of average.

Poor Steph.

Now we can't even go out.

Well obviously.

And Dick says it
looks all right.

Dick, Dick, this is no time
for cruel jokes.

Look, it sits there like hair.

Michael, if you don't mind,

I think I'd like to be alone,
and maybe condition.

Guess who I just saw?

Joanna and Hal, together again.

George, I'm only gonna say
this one more time:

Joanna and Hal are just
good friends,

attending a lecture

at the Legion Meeting Hall.
Period.

Exclamation point, George.

Dick Loudon is above
petty jealousy.

Besides, they're at
the Legion Hall.

Who could do anything around all
those American flags?

Yeah, I'm sure there's probably
nothing to worry about.

Darn right.

So what if Joanna sees more of
Hal than she sees of Dick?

And so what if they spend a lot
of time together...

drinking wine?

Yeah, and so what if I
just saw them

walking up to Hal's apartment?

Uh, there-- there must
be some mistake.

Joanna's attending a lecture.

And... here's her
ticket to prove it.

I'll get my coat.

Hal, let me in. I know
you're in there.

HAL: It's open.

I know exactly what
you're doing.

Well, mayb--

Maybe not exactly.

I never knew Dick went
to wine country.

How'd you get that 3-D effect?

Lights.

Oh!

Hi.

Hey Dick, we we're just looking
the pictures of you.

You said you were going to the
Legion Meeting Hall.

We had to move. The legion
was meetin' there.

Boy, Dick, you really know how
to pick your moments

to burst in.

Personally, I would've waited

'til they were at a
baseball stadium.

Gee, Dick, they aren't even
sittin' together.

Boy, what a hothead.

Uh, the, uh-- [ Clears throat ]

The on-- the only reason I--

I came is because, uh,

Joanna forgot her ticket.

See?

[ Clears throat ] I thought...

I thought maybe you...
needed it to--

[ Clears throat ] ...to get in.

Well, thank you, honey.

That was very thoughtful of you.

Wow.

This is better than
Playhouse 90.

Dick...

I'm sorry this had to
happen like this.

I want you and everyone to know

that Joanna and I are
just friends.

You don't have to tell us that,
Hal.

Yeah, Dick's the one who's
gone off the deep end.

[ Clears throat ] Well, thanks--

thanks for telling me, but
again, that's...

that's not the reason I'm here.
Lights!

Honey, are you all right?

Why don't we just

move to another town
and start over?

Dick, it wasn't that bad.

Yeah...

I could've been naked.

Oh, honey, don't be so
hard on yourself.

I guess if I hadn't gotten angry
at you for... trusting me.

You probably would've...
trusted me.

You wouldn't have showed
up here tonight.

Yep.

But the truth of the
matter is...

you being jealous
was kinda nice.

Well, don't expect a lot of it.

Don't you think you oughta be
getting back in there?

Missing the best part of
the evening, the...

laughing and the giggling.

No, I think I've seen enough of
the Italian wine country

for one night.

[ Sighs ]

Come on, I'll trail you home.

Dick.

What do you think of my hair?

And this time I want an
honest answer.

It's a darn shame.

No! I just got it cut right!

Hey, what a difference!

I know.

I never thought I'd find
anybody in town,

so fabulous as...

Bernard Devo.

Hi, George. It's back!

Gee, Stephanie sure is
in a good mood.

Yeah, she found a
hairstylist she likes.

Bernard Devo.

You mean Bernie? He's my barber.

He's army trained, you know.

Wait until I tell Stephanie.

George!

Meow.