All language subtitles for Modern.Family.S09E21.HDTV.x264-SVA

Ew. Are you doing laundry on the stove
like in olden times?

Oh, my God. Are we poor?

I knew Dad's magic shop
would destroy us.

No, it is my Aunt Becky's
favorite tomato soup,

and I am bringing it to her
because she's recovering from a stroke.

Is she the mean one you guys
used to be so scared of?

Oh, God, yes, especially Uncle Mitchell.

It was like he was a weak gazelle

and she was
a hungry, homophobic cheetah.

No offense, but that soup stinks.

No, it smells fine.

Is someone burning Frisbees?

It's soup!

No, that's not it.

Oh, look at you all dressed up.

Coming with us
to watch Uncle Mitchell sweat?

No, Arvin's dad is in from London,
and he wants me to meet him.

Hang on. You're not hungover.

Hair's conservative, no cleavage.

Oh, my God. You're trying
to make a good impression.

- You're in love!
- Shut up. I am not.

Ohh, I don't know.

I see how hard you work
at this relationship.

You woke up early to watch soccer
and you called it football.

Oh, just calm down.

It's been three months,

and everyone knows Liverpool
is having a cracking good year.

Still, meeting a parent is
a major relationship milestone.

Claire, you're getting my hopes up,

and I still haven't recovered from Andy.

And don't even get me started on Dylan.

I get nostalgic every time I see
someone sleeping in their car.

- You nervous?
- No.

And even if I were, I've got it covered.

I've got these new stickers from NERP.

So, our latest product

is the most amazing
scientific breakthrough...

stickers!

Oh, you're a genius.

What an amazing time
we live in. I can't.

So, they're designed to reduce stress

and to help you boldly pursue greatness

by scrambling the rational part
of the brain

that asks, "Does this seem right?"

Anyway, since I can't test
on laboratory rats,

I'm gonna need you guys to try them.

- Okay.
- Okay.

So, wait! No one here has a pacemaker
or lawyer parents, right?

- No.
- No.

Then test away!

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I'll go see what room Becky's in,

or we can just feel
for which doorknob is cold.

Phil, Phil. Did you see
what's across the street?

- An escape room.
- Oh, I did.

- No, we're not doing that.
- No way in hell.

She also said no to ice cream.

Escape room? What is that?

Oh, it's a themed room
that they lock you in,

and then you have to solve
puzzles and clues

to, um, you know, escape.

Or they cut off your finger?

What? No.

- It's just for fun.
- Yeah.

Oh, but then that lowers the stakes.

Okay. She's in Room 208. Let's go.

Jay, did you hear
that there is an escape room

across the street?

- We're not doing that.
- Why not?

Because when you get
in a stressful situation,

you start to scream,

and I'm not taking that show
into a locked room.

Yeah, and this one gets panicked
if he's stuck in traffic

for more than five minutes.

Guess it's just you and me.

Oh, hard pass, honey.
In a confined space,

you're just bouncing
off the wall like Flubber.

It's no secret my sister Becky
and I have our differences.

They haven't talked in nine years.

She's kind of a monster.

I've only met her once, at our wedding.

Imagine if you took
all of Jay's worst qualities

and wrapped them in a pantsuit.

But as soon as I heard she had a stroke,

I knew I had to rush to her side.

It happened three weeks ago.

Right in the middle of hockey playoffs!

Typical Becky!

Okay. There she is.

Hi, Aunt Becky.

I think she's sleeping.

With the same mean old puss on her face.

Hey, Mitchell. Why don't you
give her a little kiss?

- You give her a little kiss.
- No.

Who's there?

Oh! My darling family.

You came.

- Something's wrong with her mouth.
- She's smiling.

Mitchell, you've gotten so handsome.

Have you finally met a good woman?

I'm sorry. What?

You're messing with me,
right, Becky? You know that...

Hey, folks, can I speak
with you for a second?

This is just like
when I came out years ago.

She knows what she's doing.

Actually, she doesn't.

The stroke may have scrambled
some of Becky's memories.

So she doesn't remember me coming out?

Correct.

And now presumes you're straight.

That part I can't explain.

Have you tried
popping her on the noggin?

She's not a jukebox, Fonzie.

And besides, it doesn't work.

It only made my uncle worse.
He never woke up.

Well, hopefully her memory will return.

Often, it's the little things
that trigger recollection...

a smell, a song, a picture,
even just her family.

Thank you. Thank you so much, doctor.

Did you kill your uncle?

She doesn't remember I'm gay.

Yeah, no, I know. I was here
for the whole explanation.

This means I get to come out
to her again.

It was a disaster the first time.

I was... I was so wishy-washy

about the whole thing
that when I finally said,

"I-I think I might be gay,"

she said, "Ew."

Are you sure she didn't mean, "Ooh"?

No, no. It was followed up
by a whole bunch of stuff

- about me making Jesus cry.
- Oh.

For 20 years, I've regretted
that moment,

and today, I get the chance
to make it right.

Or you could just leave
a poor, old demented woman alone

and not make her stroke all about you.

Why do I even bring you to these things?

Wow. Well, Aunt Becky, what a necklace.

Oh. Isn't it lovely?

It was a gift from a prince
I met in Liechtenstein.

- Really?
- Mm-mmm.

Phil, that is my necklace.

I lent it to her
for Dad and Gloria's wedding,

and she never gave it back.
She said she lost it.

Claire, the woman just had a stroke.

When I graduated, my mother
gave me a very special necklace,

which I returned
so I could get that necklace.

I'm getting it back.

Where are you going?

I'm going to heat up the soup.

Maybe the smell will jog her memory.

Hasn't she suffered enough?

I guess I'm proudest
of these two little guys here.

This is the Spacemaster 500,
and this is the Xanadu...

newest additions to
the Pritchett's Closets family.

What's Pritchett's Closets?

This damn disease doesn't care
what it destroys.

I know what would help you remember.

Joe and Manny made you
a "get well" video.

Oh.

Oh. You know what?

I forgot my cellphone in the car.

- I'll be right back.
- Oh, thank you, Dede.

Breathe.

Are you comfortable?
Can I help you with anything

- that's not disgusting?
- I'm fine.

But I was wondering if, this summer,

I could borrow your fishing cabin.

My fishing cabin?

JAY: My dad had a fishing cabin
that he promised would go to me,

but the double-crossing bastard
left it to my sister Becky,

who's also a double-crosser.

Now that her memory is Swiss cheese,

I can steal my cabin back.

Finally, the good guy wins.

- Hello, Father.
- Arvin, my boy!

Uh, allow me to introduce to you...

Haley Dunphy.

Malcolm Fennerman. It is my pleasure.

Nicely done, son.

Glad to see you've got yourself
a little lass.

- He said "lass."
- Ah.

Oh, by the way, slight change in plan.

Um, at the last minute,

your mum decided to join me on the trip.

- What?
- Yes.

I, um, can't go anywhere by myself

after that weekend in Brighton.

Mum's coming here? Now?

Is everything okay?

Is there time to get a drink?

I'm afraid not.
Man your battle stations.

IRIS: Hello.

I am Dr. Iris Fennerman.

So nice to finally meet the woman

with whom my son is so enamored

and yet I know nothing about.

Well, I'm just
your average American girl,

although much thinner, thank God.

Oh, also I work at NERP.

NERP?

Nano Electronics Research Project.

- Oh?
- Yeah, Haley is a colleague.

It's very top-secret,
though. Hush, hush.

We probably already said too much.

Malcolm, how is it
we are not seated yet?

Well, I didn't want to...
pi...pick the wrong table again.

Oh, don't be silly.
I'd be happy anywhere.

Since when?

"Nano Electronics"? What was that?

Please, just play along.

What's all that whispering back there?

Uh, nothing, Mum.
Just, um, science talk.

Ugh, I had to get away.

It's getting way
too Pritchett-y in there.

Why can't they just let this be
a fun nursing-home visit?

Exactly. We're in Riverside.

We should be tearing it up.

Hey, let's go to that escape room.

I am in.

Hey, Gloria.
We're going to the escape room.

- You want to come?
- That sounds fun.

JAY: Gloria!

I think Jay needs me.

- He's very sad.
- Oh.

Forget the videos.

We have to keep her
from remembering anything

so I can nab her fishing cabin!

I suddenly feel like escaping.

- _
- I'm so glad we're doing this.

I know. Me, too.

Oh, well, I don't...
I don't think this is the way.

What is this place?

I don't know. Let's just go back up.

Oh, no. It's locked!

Okay, call someone.
I don't have a cellphone.

Okay, well, I don't have any service.

I don't either.
Guys, if we don't figure out

a way to get out of here soon,

we're never gonna make it
to the escape room.

Haley, I know your job is top secret,

but I'm so fascinated
by nanotechnology...

self-replicating robots and such.

I'd love to hear your insight
into grey goo.

Ooh, I can answer that.

It's my favorite vodka.

Hmm?

Enough about me. Um, I love your blazer.

Do you have a corgi like the queen?

Crazy times in London. Am I right?

I hear that your, um, bridge
is falling down,

falling down.

Haley is obviously joking.

It's that... It's that Yankee
sense of humor, you know.

"Eat my shorts."

"Schwing!"

What is that on your arm?

Oh, it's my elbow.

How delightful.

10 points for Gryffindor.

No, the sticker-y thing.

Oh, it's actually from my work.

It channels the energy of your brain...

Aah-bup-bup-ma-bup-bup!

Can't talk about that. Remember?

Fine. Then let's talk about Arvin.

Have you reached a decision
on your research fellowship?

I have decided not to take it.

Why not? I mean, you'd be
working on the CERN collider...

It's the opportunity of a lifetime!

Well, I don't feel like
spending six months

underground in S-Switzerland.

Oh, please, don't tell me you're turning
this down because of a girl.

Listen, I had nothing to do with this.

Oh, darling, you have everything
to do with this.

You've always shown bad judgment

when it comes to a pretty girl.

- That's not fair.
- Oh, thank you.

But at least
you've never let one of them

get in the way of your career.

Look, I'm not getting in the way
of anything.

Arvin never told me about it,

and even if he did,
I wouldn't understand.

The NERP I work for
is a website run by an actress

who thinks she knows science

because, once in a James Bond movie,

she played a nuclear physicist,
Dr. Mona Lott.

Haley! Where are you going?

Oh, I was offered a fellowship
to the bathroom,

and I'm accepting it!

Do you remember that security system

I had installed in my fishing cabin?

I gave you the code
the last time I let you use it.

I can't seem to recall it.

Well, okay. Let me think.

The cabin, the cabin.

Oh. So pretty up there.

- Did I have a husband?
- Dead.

Now focus on the code and nothing else.

Hey, look who made you
your favorite soup.

Nothing like a familiar smell
to bring back memories.

- She ate.
- I did? But I'm sort of hungry.

Well, feed a cold, starve a stroke.
Get that out of her.

I made this for you when
you came to Dad's wedding.

- Uh-huh.
- That's right. You got remarried

to that Puerto Rican woman.

You looked so beautiful
at that wedding...

your dress, your shoes, the jewelry.

Come here a second. Excuse me.

- What the hell are you up to?
- She stole my necklace.

So you try to manipulate a sick woman
for your own personal agenda?

Aunt Becky, hi.

You remember when you came
to see me ice dance,

you said that I looked like
a little sissy, well, I...

Ow, Daddy!

I am ashamed of the both of you.
That's my sister in there.

I almost lost her once.

I don't want to have to lose...

- Oh, God.
- Oh, Dad.

I'm so sorry.

Uh, we're so sorry.

You're right. We're being petty.

Well, Claire's is about a necklace

and mine's about living
my truth, but I get...

I get how this isn't the right time.

I'm sorry I snapped.
This is just hard, you know?

Excuse me. Your sister said
she remembers something

about the security code
to your fishing cabin?

Well, I... I thought
it was her fishing cabin?

Oh, my God, and she thinks it's yours,

and you don't want her to remember it.

Okay, fine. You're right.

But before you start throwing stones,
maybe look deep into your own...

- What? Dad.
- What? No.

- Dad. Dad.
- No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

All right. We shouldn't be
panicking, right?

No, of course not.

There's got to be a million ways
out of here.

There's a security camera.

Oh, no. No, no. It's old and broke.

Hey! Help! We're stuck in here!

Gloria, that didn't work
five minutes ago,

and it didn't work 10 minutes ago.

Why can't they hear me?
This vent has to go somewhere.

Gloria Maria Ramirez Delgado Pritchett,

- you are a genius.
- I know.

Give me a boost. No, it should be me.

Right. Gloria, give Cam a boost.

No, I mean, I should give you a boost.

My process works.

Why don't we use that trunk?

See?! We just make each other better.

- Right, chair, chair.
- Who needs Pritchetts?!

- I'll steady it.
- Thank you again.

Okay. Okay, grate.

You're great.

Oh, this grate.

I got it. All right.

Let's "Die Hard" this puppy.

That's my shoulder.

Okay, in we go.

All right, now, Phil,
every couple of feet, knock

so we know where you are.

Got it.

- Okay?
- Guys, I think I see an opening.

We're saved.

Yippie-ki-yay, mother... Oh, dear God.

- Phil? Phil?
- Phil?!

Good news, guys. I see two people.

Maybe I can get a... Oh, it's you.

- Hello?
- Haley, I'm sorry.

You had every right
to run out of the restaurant.

You know, I've put up
with a lot from boyfriends...

futons, video games, wives.

But you were ashamed of me.

My mother is a judgmental snob!

I-I wanted her to like you.

I know I just... I handled it all wrong.

But please come back.

No! You made me feel bad about myself,

and I deserve better than that, okay?

So just go to Switzerland

and sit in a big thing
of, like, Swiss chocolate

and... and yodel, okay? We're done.

Oh, my God.

Are you okay?

Why do you all have accents?

- Ugh. What happened?
- You passed out.

Those stickers on your arms
are loaded with all sorts of chemicals.

We called your emergency contacts.
Your boyfriends here.

Hey, sunshine.

Andy? You... You came
all the way from Utah?

Oh, no. I was in town
for a self-help seminar...

"How To Be In The Right Place
at the Right Time."

Holy cow. It's working.

Oh, gosh, I guess your name
must still be in my phone

as my emergency contact.

I use boyfriends to avoid
lectures from my parents.

I don't want to wake up
in a Tijuana prison

and them be all like, "You're grounded."

I'm just glad I could be here.

Andy, um, I have to tell you something.

And I'm really, really sorry,

but I'm seeing someone.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Yes! Whoo-hoo!

Oh, thank goodness.

Me, too. I just didn't know
how to tell you,

especially if you were dying.

- Oh.
- She's a Laker girl.

Oh, wow. A cheerleader. Nice.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Josephine scrapes barnacles off boats
in the Great Salt Lake.

We call them Laker girls.

But they are kind of sex symbols
in Utah.

So, who is the lucky guy?

Well, it's a bit of a mess right now,

but, um, he is a professor
and an astrophysicist.

He's a... a legit genius.

Haley! I came as soon as I heard.

Actually, that's not true.
I stopped for tacos.

Not him.

Anybody got a spoon?

We could "Shawshank" this thing.

It didn't go so well
when you "Die Hard"-ed it.

Okay. Full disclosure.

If I don't feel supported,
I tend to shut down.

Okay. I'm, um... I'm getting stuffy.

Is... Is it getting stuffy in here?

Come on. There's got to be
something in this place

that can help us.

Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa! A phone!

Is there a plug around here?

If there's a phone,
there's got to be a plug.

Everybody look for a plug!

What if nobody looks down here?!

You know, how are we gonna survive?

I... I had a protein bar in my car.
I don't know why I didn't bring it in.

- There's got to be a plug.
- There is no plug!

It was peanut butter
and 20 grams of protein.

Guys, if it comes to it,
and I mean this...

I want you guys to eat me.

As I told you before, in those elevators

and in the traffic jam years ago,

I am not going to eat you.

Okay, you say that now,
but we may not get out of here,

and we may have
to make some hard decisions.

Look what is happening!

Exactly what they said
is going to happen!

You're bouncing off the walls
and you're panicking!

- And you're yelling.
- No, I'm not.

Look, Claire may be right.

I may be unfocused, but...

but she wouldn't be doing any better.

She'd be hyper-focused
on something stupid like...

like... like, "Why aren't
the wires connected

to that security camera?"

Yeah, why aren't they connected?

Wait. She's onto something.

The wires are cut.

Why would someone cut the wires
to a security camera

in a basement room?

Well, Mitchell would have
some conspiracy theory

that this is where the staff
does illicit behaviors.

That's what it is.

I have been smelling marijuana
since I got here!

- I got Gloria.
- My God, she's like a DEA dog.

It's coming from...

Great. Now we have marijuana
and no lighter

and just this stupid key.

I can hear Jay saying,

"Maybe that key opens the door, dummy."

They can never know how much
smarter they are than us.

Never.

- You got this, Becky.
- Mm-hmm.

You walk in the cabin,
you push those buttons.

They go beep, boop, boop, boop.

What are the numbers?

- 3...
- Uh-huh.

- 3...
- Yeah?

Weeks!

Since I've had my stroke,

and this is the first time
you come and visit,

and all you can care about
is that stupid cabin.

- Wait. No, what?
- My brain is fine!

- But the doctor...
- That's Fred from next door.

He played a doctor on a soap opera once,
and he kept the coat.

But it was hockey playoffs.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Oh, Aunt Becky, I'm so sorry.

I just got off the phone with
the Prince of Liechtenstein.

He's having some terrible
financial troubles.

He's gonna need the necklace back.

You know, to feed his people.

Save it, princess.

There's nothing wrong with her memory.
She was messing with us.

- Mean, huh?
- Horrible.

That's my necklace. Give it back.

Not until you fix the dent

you put in my car in high school...

which is still there!

You kept the Bonneville?

That certainly doesn't
sound like a denial.

I'm keeping the necklace.

So you also know about me too, then?

- What about you?
- Oh, God. This is happening.

Um, I-I, um... I... so I...

Spit it out.

Uh, I'm not here
to take anything from you.

I'm here to be my true self.

- Oh, for God's sake.
- And my true self is...

Aunt Becky!

I am... a lawyer.

A lawyer?

- Ew.
- Well, that's "ew" for two.

- How is she?
- Not good. Full recovery.

Dylan, I'm sorry you got called.

Well, maybe you didn't delete me
from your phone

because you didn't delete me
from your heart.

Or I just forgot.

Right. I'm married, Haley,

and we're monotonous.
You got to move on.

Ugh. I wish I was still in my coma.

She has a boyfriend. Not me.

I have a girlfriend. She's a Laker girl.

Oh, barnacle scraper? Hot.

Miss Dunphy? This man also says
he's your boyfriend.

What am I doing wrong?

Haley. Are you okay?
I've been so worried.

Who's... Who's this?

I'm the guy before you,
and he's the guy before me.

Cheers. Um, Haley.

We need to talk about what happened.

You screwed up. That's what happened.

Right. It's always us.

We go halfsies on a pot-bellied pig,

and suddenly it's all mine
when it's frothing at the mouth

and corners your mom
in the laundry room.

Hey, he lied to his parents about my job

because he's ashamed of me.

Oh, no, no. No. I'm not ashamed of you.

I just panicked.

Look, right after you left,
I told Mum the truth about you

and your job and that if
I want to turn down a job

to be with you, then that's my right.

Well, it doesn't matter.
This isn't working out anyways.

- There it is.
- Totally.

What are they talking about?

Ugh, they think that I'm freaking out

because you chose me
over that great job,

which means that you have
big feelings for me,

which forces me to look
at my feelings for you.

And?

- And?
- And...

I have big feelings, too.

- You do?
- Yes.

- Say it.
- Shut up.

I'll say it.

Haley, I love you.

I love you, too.

I came as soon as I got the call.

Hey.

What's her forecast?

Go, go, go, go, go!

Did you get it?
I gave her a hug goodbye,

used my sleight-of-hand,
and on the third try...

I feel so naughty
using my magic like that.

I love you, baby.

Your old boyfriends warned me
you were like this.

Give me that necklace!

She's coming!

- Give me that necklace!
- Go, go, go!

Watch what this bad boy can do.

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