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1
00:00:00,565 --> 00:00:04,643
Okay, Joey, you take this club,
and you hit that ball.
2
00:00:04,776 --> 00:00:07,198
- Any questions?
- Why does this say "Manny"?
3
00:00:07,393 --> 00:00:09,737
Don't worry about it.
They were only used once.
4
00:00:09,862 --> 00:00:11,869
It was a swing and a miss
for both of us.
5
00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:15,533
I needed to find a way to spend
more quality time with Joe.
6
00:00:15,601 --> 00:00:17,666
I couldn't take another Saturday
of hide-and-seek.
7
00:00:17,735 --> 00:00:20,651
At this point, I've spent more time
in the closet than Mitchell.
8
00:00:21,882 --> 00:00:23,760
Golf is a very complicated sport.
9
00:00:23,828 --> 00:00:26,283
I don't want you to get
frustrated if you don't...
10
00:00:26,658 --> 00:00:28,221
Holy cow!
11
00:00:28,526 --> 00:00:30,901
- Do you think you can do that again?
- Yeah. It's easy.
12
00:00:30,979 --> 00:00:32,803
Okay, Mr. Cocky.
13
00:00:32,916 --> 00:00:35,291
You know, there is a thing
called beginner's...
14
00:00:35,510 --> 00:00:37,221
What the hell?
15
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:38,619
Hey, Brady.
16
00:00:38,781 --> 00:00:40,934
Hey, Jay, what's up?
Oh, is this your grandson?
17
00:00:41,018 --> 00:00:42,661
I can't do this again.
This is my son.
18
00:00:42,737 --> 00:00:45,268
Just take a look at his swing
and tell me what you think.
19
00:00:47,119 --> 00:00:50,408
Wow.
Your mom must be some athlete.
20
00:00:50,526 --> 00:00:52,434
Just so you know,
I'm not a guy who's charmed
21
00:00:52,502 --> 00:00:54,065
when the help gets familiar.
22
00:00:54,451 --> 00:00:57,533
♪♪
23
00:00:57,648 --> 00:00:59,893
♪♪
24
00:01:00,420 --> 00:01:03,604
♪♪
25
00:01:03,672 --> 00:01:06,525
*MODERN FAMILY*
Season 09 Episode 11
Title: "He Said She Shed"
26
00:01:09,596 --> 00:01:12,341
How's everybody
this fine morning?
27
00:01:12,409 --> 00:01:14,548
Welp, I'm on my third day
of my New Year's Resolution
28
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:16,177
to not say things
nobody cares about.
29
00:01:16,245 --> 00:01:17,325
Damn it.
30
00:01:17,445 --> 00:01:20,060
Oh, yay,
Homeowners Association.
31
00:01:20,161 --> 00:01:22,489
I need their approval to put
a She Shed in the backyard
32
00:01:22,557 --> 00:01:23,891
where the teeter-totter
used to be.
33
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:25,099
I don't understand.
34
00:01:25,167 --> 00:01:27,341
She said,
"She Shed down by the seesaw."
35
00:01:27,409 --> 00:01:29,036
How are you not famous?
36
00:01:29,104 --> 00:01:31,185
Yes, bravo,
but what's a She Shed?
37
00:01:31,297 --> 00:01:32,758
Well, it's just
a simple little structure
38
00:01:32,825 --> 00:01:36,609
where I can go to be alone
and do yoga or meditate
39
00:01:36,677 --> 00:01:38,333
and nobody can bother me.
40
00:01:38,401 --> 00:01:40,039
Oh, so a glass of wine
and a cigarette in the tub
41
00:01:40,106 --> 00:01:41,140
isn't cutting it anymore?
42
00:01:41,209 --> 00:01:43,802
I don't smoke, honey.
I have a tobacco-scented candle.
43
00:01:43,870 --> 00:01:45,356
They don't make tobacco-scented...
44
00:01:45,424 --> 00:01:47,294
This is more of that stuff
no one cares about.
45
00:01:47,362 --> 00:01:49,208
Congratulations, honey.
46
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:51,388
Don't pretend
you're happy for me.
47
00:01:51,548 --> 00:01:54,282
Luke and I wanted to use that
space to put in a batting cage.
48
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,783
Claire wanted her
She Shed.
49
00:01:55,851 --> 00:01:57,169
We were in a stalemate,
50
00:01:57,245 --> 00:01:59,567
so we settled the dispute
like adults.
51
00:02:05,267 --> 00:02:07,263
Come on, Dad.
Batting cage.
52
00:02:07,331 --> 00:02:08,575
I really need to blink, buddy.
53
00:02:08,643 --> 00:02:10,380
You can blink
when you're dead.
54
00:02:12,598 --> 00:02:14,856
Ah, yes! Yes!
55
00:02:14,924 --> 00:02:18,380
All those Magic Eye posters
paid off. Ah!
56
00:02:18,546 --> 00:02:20,919
I'm gonna get myself
one of those fuzzy little rugs.
57
00:02:20,987 --> 00:02:23,224
- They turned me down.
- What?
58
00:02:23,292 --> 00:02:25,419
Why on Earth would they do th...
59
00:02:25,571 --> 00:02:28,216
I... I'm gonna find out
how to get in touch with somebody
60
00:02:28,289 --> 00:02:29,678
from down at that
Homeowners Association
61
00:02:29,745 --> 00:02:31,180
and find out
what the hell is going on.
62
00:02:31,247 --> 00:02:32,395
Claire, I know you're
upset,
63
00:02:32,463 --> 00:02:33,765
but I don't think
you should do that.
64
00:02:33,832 --> 00:02:35,161
Well, look at that.
65
00:02:35,253 --> 00:02:37,091
They have a meeting
this afternoon.
66
00:02:37,159 --> 00:02:38,523
I'll just go down there in person.
67
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:41,708
Honey, I get a lot
of my referrals from the HOA.
68
00:02:41,776 --> 00:02:43,493
We can't afford
to alienate them.
69
00:02:43,561 --> 00:02:45,861
They are the ones
who are alienating people.
70
00:02:45,937 --> 00:02:48,231
They all live on
that stupid cul-de-sac.
71
00:02:48,299 --> 00:02:49,791
They only do things
for each other.
72
00:02:49,968 --> 00:02:52,567
Probably swing if they weren't
so aggressively unattractive.
73
00:02:52,689 --> 00:02:55,257
You know, I find the term
"She Shed" offensive.
74
00:02:55,411 --> 00:02:58,145
Shouldn't ours just be called
a shed and theirs a "He Shed"?
75
00:02:58,213 --> 00:03:00,005
Why do you bother
making resolutions?
76
00:03:00,091 --> 00:03:01,944
This is so frustrating.
77
00:03:02,012 --> 00:03:03,122
If it's any comfort...
78
00:03:03,190 --> 00:03:05,475
you're not the only one
to be stung by these people.
79
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:08,317
Their ridiculous parking regulation
made me give up my dream
80
00:03:08,385 --> 00:03:10,849
of owning
the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile.
81
00:03:10,978 --> 00:03:13,755
Dah! Fine.
I will move on.
82
00:03:13,823 --> 00:03:15,981
So does this mean
we can get our batting cage?
83
00:03:16,049 --> 00:03:18,283
Luke, too soon.
84
00:03:21,444 --> 00:03:24,085
I'm really proud of you, Mom.
Letting go shows real growth.
85
00:03:24,153 --> 00:03:25,938
I'm going to that
Homeowners Association meeting,
86
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,310
and I'm getting my She Shed.
87
00:03:27,415 --> 00:03:28,552
But you just told Dad...
88
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:31,073
I let him do magic.
He lets me break promises.
89
00:03:31,141 --> 00:03:33,091
We both know
what we married.
90
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,692
You were at the course again?
That's every morning this week.
91
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,202
That's how you make a champion.
You should see Joe play.
92
00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:42,820
It's like
watching Merv Griffin interview.
93
00:03:42,888 --> 00:03:44,864
There's a certain
finesse to it.
94
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,532
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What are you training for?
95
00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:47,812
- Nothing.
- Yeah,
96
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,575
then go have a pudding cup.
97
00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:53,247
These high-performance protein
bars are for elite athletes.
98
00:03:53,315 --> 00:03:54,547
Go ahead, Joey. Fuel up.
99
00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:56,372
You have a trophy
to bring back today.
100
00:03:56,456 --> 00:03:57,622
What are you talking about?
101
00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,411
There's a kiddie tournament
up at the club,
102
00:03:59,479 --> 00:04:00,755
and I signed Joe up for it.
103
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:02,952
Jay,
you're pushing him too hard.
104
00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:04,622
What are you talking about?
Kid loves it.
105
00:04:04,794 --> 00:04:08,263
He'll tell you himself
after he ices his shoulder.
106
00:04:08,850 --> 00:04:10,810
Ooh, that's the stuff.
107
00:04:10,878 --> 00:04:12,567
You know, Gloria,
with the right training,
108
00:04:12,635 --> 00:04:13,927
this kid could go all the way.
109
00:04:13,995 --> 00:04:16,341
Me managing his golf career
can be my second act.
110
00:04:16,442 --> 00:04:17,638
You're 70.
111
00:04:17,706 --> 00:04:20,039
Your second act was
two acts ago.
112
00:04:20,139 --> 00:04:22,380
Stop living through him.
It's too much pressure.
113
00:04:22,448 --> 00:04:23,678
Why are you making
such a big deal about it?
114
00:04:23,745 --> 00:04:25,403
It's a...
It's a kiddie golf tournament.
115
00:04:25,471 --> 00:04:27,974
It's like a... a playdate
I don't hate being at.
116
00:04:28,042 --> 00:04:29,242
It's a bad idea.
117
00:04:29,310 --> 00:04:32,111
What if Joe wants to do something
that is less competitive,
118
00:04:32,180 --> 00:04:35,214
like reading or papier-mâché?
119
00:04:35,283 --> 00:04:37,481
Let's not break out
the Manny playbook just yet.
120
00:04:37,549 --> 00:04:39,950
Playbill would've been more cutting.
Why am I helping you?
121
00:04:40,018 --> 00:04:41,639
I know you think
you have the monopoly
122
00:04:41,707 --> 00:04:43,073
on deciding
what's best for Joe,
123
00:04:43,142 --> 00:04:45,224
but I have parenting
instincts, too.
124
00:04:45,310 --> 00:04:48,140
I deferred to Dede every single
time on Mitch and Claire,
125
00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,466
and this time
I'm going with my gut.
126
00:04:50,541 --> 00:04:52,971
Mitch and Claire turned out
to be wonderful people.
127
00:04:53,039 --> 00:04:54,513
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm not knocking them.
128
00:04:54,580 --> 00:04:55,887
I love all my children
equally.
129
00:04:55,955 --> 00:04:58,504
Bup, bup, bup, bup!
That's winner water.
130
00:05:03,401 --> 00:05:05,439
Whoa, whoa.
What's going on, Cam?
131
00:05:05,507 --> 00:05:06,794
I was gone for 45 minutes,
132
00:05:06,862 --> 00:05:08,612
and now our living room's
a beauty salon?
133
00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:10,128
What, do you have a pit crew
or something?
134
00:05:10,195 --> 00:05:12,669
Ooh, look at you using "pit
crew" in a sentence like a boy.
135
00:05:12,737 --> 00:05:14,739
Is this all for Lily's party?
You...
136
00:05:14,807 --> 00:05:16,490
I thought we were just gonna do
pizza and a movie.
137
00:05:16,557 --> 00:05:18,559
Okay, there are 12-year-old
girls coming over here.
138
00:05:18,627 --> 00:05:21,145
Do you remember how mean and judgmental
Haley was at that age?
139
00:05:21,213 --> 00:05:23,290
Yeah, I faked being sick
that Thanksgiving.
140
00:05:23,359 --> 00:05:25,330
I was too scared to eat corn
in front of her.
141
00:05:25,398 --> 00:05:26,643
Of course you were.
142
00:05:26,711 --> 00:05:29,114
The only word she said to me
that entire year was "ew."
143
00:05:29,182 --> 00:05:31,505
Anyway, Lily wants to impress
these older girls,
144
00:05:31,573 --> 00:05:35,333
so I set up a full-service salon
to do makeovers.
145
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,346
And you're qualified to do that
because...?
146
00:05:37,432 --> 00:05:38,958
Okay, my uncle was
in the business
147
00:05:39,026 --> 00:05:40,747
of mules appear
younger for sale,
148
00:05:40,815 --> 00:05:43,301
so I think I know a thing or two
about hair and make-up.
149
00:05:43,369 --> 00:05:45,963
Hi, hi.
I brought y'all some stuff
150
00:05:46,031 --> 00:05:47,369
- for Lily's party.
- Oh, my God.
151
00:05:47,437 --> 00:05:49,443
Thought you might not want
to get into your own stash.
152
00:05:49,510 --> 00:05:51,487
I know how pricy
your lady creams are.
153
00:05:51,596 --> 00:05:54,182
Okay, she's lashing out
because I inherited Mama's skin.
154
00:05:54,299 --> 00:05:56,065
And I got Daddy's
strong flickin' finger.
155
00:05:56,133 --> 00:05:57,152
- Don't do it! Don't!
- Cam...
156
00:05:57,219 --> 00:05:58,810
Cam, you said that
you were gonna keep this small.
157
00:05:58,877 --> 00:06:01,005
See, now I feel like
you didn't tell me about this
158
00:06:01,073 --> 00:06:03,193
so that you could set it all up
before I could say no.
159
00:06:03,260 --> 00:06:04,187
Okay, that is just not true.
160
00:06:04,255 --> 00:06:06,684
Not everyone is as calculating
as you think.
161
00:06:06,752 --> 00:06:09,411
But, hey, I know where
this is coming from,
162
00:06:09,479 --> 00:06:10,596
and it's not your fault.
163
00:06:10,664 --> 00:06:12,197
Seriously? This again?
164
00:06:12,278 --> 00:06:13,596
This sounds private.
165
00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:15,510
If you want me to leave, forget it.
166
00:06:15,578 --> 00:06:17,565
Okay, a-any time
we have an argument,
167
00:06:17,729 --> 00:06:19,684
Cam blames it on
how I was brought up.
168
00:06:19,752 --> 00:06:20,981
My therapist says
169
00:06:21,049 --> 00:06:23,315
that it's his way
of deflecting responsibility.
170
00:06:23,519 --> 00:06:25,237
- You go to therapy?
- Mm-hmm.
171
00:06:25,305 --> 00:06:27,419
You mean like one of those
Woody Allen movies?
172
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,833
Plenty of people go to therapy.
173
00:06:28,901 --> 00:06:30,192
Not farm folk.
174
00:06:30,260 --> 00:06:32,448
We solve our own problems,
not that we had many.
175
00:06:32,516 --> 00:06:34,545
That's right, because
you had a storybook childhood.
176
00:06:34,612 --> 00:06:36,505
I never said "storybook,"
although one time
177
00:06:36,573 --> 00:06:39,388
I did come home to a family
of bears eating our porridge.
178
00:06:39,456 --> 00:06:42,823
Don't make us sound like hicks.
It was Tuna Helper.
179
00:06:42,891 --> 00:06:44,497
But we did have
our share of problems.
180
00:06:44,565 --> 00:06:46,916
- Ah!
- Problems? What problems?
181
00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:49,244
Uh, Mama and Daddy?
182
00:06:49,362 --> 00:06:51,200
It's not like they had
the perfect marriage.
183
00:06:51,268 --> 00:06:52,434
Thank you. Thank you.
184
00:06:52,502 --> 00:06:54,123
I knew there was stuff.
Everybody has stuff.
185
00:06:54,190 --> 00:06:55,630
No, there is no stuff.
186
00:06:55,698 --> 00:06:57,903
She's just making this up
to get under my radiant skin.
187
00:06:57,971 --> 00:06:59,434
If you don't know
what I'm talking about,
188
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:01,848
I'm not gonna tell you right
before you host a big ol' party.
189
00:07:01,915 --> 00:07:04,977
Oh, no, no. We've got time.
Come on, come on. Let's hear it.
190
00:07:05,632 --> 00:07:08,432
You don't remember that time
Daddy didn't live with us for a year
191
00:07:08,521 --> 00:07:10,306
'cause he was shacked up
with that diner waitress
192
00:07:10,373 --> 00:07:12,133
- Jannie Sue Butler?
- Oh please.
193
00:07:12,201 --> 00:07:14,559
The only time Daddy ever left
was to go to war.
194
00:07:14,690 --> 00:07:17,805
It was 1977. What war, Cam?
195
00:07:17,873 --> 00:07:19,466
The V... Hmm?
196
00:07:19,534 --> 00:07:22,747
He left us 'cause he turned 40,
he got his first liver spot,
197
00:07:22,815 --> 00:07:25,927
and that bimbo reminded him
of the Bionic Woman...
198
00:07:26,068 --> 00:07:28,201
mostly on account of her fake arm.
199
00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,169
Oh, did you really not know this?
200
00:07:32,294 --> 00:07:33,320
What?
201
00:07:33,388 --> 00:07:35,630
I did not realize how big
that was gonna be.
202
00:07:37,115 --> 00:07:39,237
Cam, hey.
Y-You're okay, right?
203
00:07:40,037 --> 00:07:42,819
Cam, I-I-I can't face
these 12-year-olds by myself.
204
00:07:42,904 --> 00:07:45,865
12-year-olds?
I got to change my shirt.
205
00:07:47,909 --> 00:07:49,232
They're already angry.
206
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:52,612
Um, okay. Uh...
207
00:07:53,559 --> 00:07:54,660
What are you guys doing?
208
00:07:54,771 --> 00:07:56,428
- Putting up our batting cage.
- Oh, careful.
209
00:07:56,495 --> 00:07:58,150
It's really easy
to get caught in the net.
210
00:07:58,218 --> 00:07:59,883
Okay, well, you may want to take a beat.
211
00:07:59,951 --> 00:08:02,139
Mom went down to the HOA meeting
to fight for her shed.
212
00:08:02,207 --> 00:08:04,047
- Uh-oh.
- I only hope she keeps her cool
213
00:08:04,115 --> 00:08:05,134
and accepts their decision.
214
00:08:05,201 --> 00:08:08,099
Yeah, based on her long history
of letting things go.
215
00:08:08,435 --> 00:08:10,086
Dad, we have a problem.
216
00:08:10,154 --> 00:08:12,672
Maybe not, buddy.
The HOA never reverses itself.
217
00:08:12,740 --> 00:08:14,204
If they did,
we'd be having this conversation
218
00:08:14,271 --> 00:08:15,797
in the front seat
of a giant hot dog.
219
00:08:15,865 --> 00:08:17,787
- I am the HOA.
- What?
220
00:08:17,855 --> 00:08:19,599
I intercepted Mom's application
221
00:08:19,677 --> 00:08:21,458
and forged a rejection letter
from the board.
222
00:08:21,544 --> 00:08:23,383
- Why?!
- Because you told me to.
223
00:08:23,451 --> 00:08:25,507
When did I tell you to do that?!
224
00:08:28,458 --> 00:08:30,398
Ah, yes! Yes!
225
00:08:30,520 --> 00:08:33,603
All those Magic Eye posters
paid off! Ah!
226
00:08:34,990 --> 00:08:36,008
This sucks.
227
00:08:36,076 --> 00:08:38,865
Who knows? Maybe the HOA board
will reject her application.
228
00:08:38,933 --> 00:08:41,146
Things have a way
of working themselves out.
229
00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:44,016
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
230
00:08:44,185 --> 00:08:45,685
I think so.
231
00:08:45,917 --> 00:08:48,365
- You gave me the signal.
- What signal?!
232
00:08:48,433 --> 00:08:51,242
That wink when you want me to
secretly take care of something.
233
00:08:51,310 --> 00:08:55,178
Of course I was winking.
I was just in a staring contest.
234
00:08:55,466 --> 00:08:57,813
Wait. Did you say
you've done this before?
235
00:08:57,881 --> 00:09:00,341
Do you think Alex's cello
set itself on fire?
236
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:01,998
Oh, my God.
237
00:09:02,099 --> 00:09:04,233
I got to get down to that
meeting before your mother...
238
00:09:06,068 --> 00:09:07,498
Untangle me quickly!
239
00:09:07,611 --> 00:09:09,155
Wait. Was that a wink?
240
00:09:09,223 --> 00:09:10,741
Do you not want me
to untangle you?
241
00:09:10,809 --> 00:09:12,124
D-Do you want me
to untangle you slowly?
242
00:09:12,191 --> 00:09:13,880
There's no signal!
243
00:09:15,886 --> 00:09:18,251
Refreshing cucumber water? No?
244
00:09:18,487 --> 00:09:20,464
Refreshing cucumber water? No?
245
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:22,878
- Are you thirs...
- Hey, you're doing great.
246
00:09:22,946 --> 00:09:25,052
Just don't get nervous
and turn all red.
247
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,622
Do I do that? Am I doing that right now?
Do people notice?
248
00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:29,753
Okay, you're not 12. It's okay.
249
00:09:29,964 --> 00:09:31,604
It got better. It got better.
250
00:09:31,823 --> 00:09:33,807
- Hey, Cam. H-How you feeling?
- Hi.
251
00:09:33,875 --> 00:09:36,388
If you need some time to process that
stuff about your dad, y-you sh...
252
00:09:36,455 --> 00:09:37,799
Oh, no. I'm fine.
253
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:39,494
Unlike the chlorine
in Melanie's hair
254
00:09:39,563 --> 00:09:41,128
that won't do any
permanent damage.
255
00:09:41,196 --> 00:09:43,003
- Hey!
- I'm working here, sweetie.
256
00:09:43,601 --> 00:09:46,932
Hi, girls. I'm Lily's cool Aunt Pam.
257
00:09:47,031 --> 00:09:48,815
I brought lighters for everyone.
258
00:09:49,028 --> 00:09:50,260
Please be nice.
259
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:53,429
All right. We are done.
What do you think?
260
00:09:53,546 --> 00:09:55,446
I wanted to look like
Selena Gomez.
261
00:09:55,522 --> 00:09:57,897
Oh, well, I wanted a daddy that
would respect his wedding vows,
262
00:09:57,964 --> 00:10:00,786
but we can't all get what we want.
Dream smaller. There you go.
263
00:10:00,854 --> 00:10:03,669
Okay, okay.
See, it's stuff like that
264
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,396
that makes me think
that you're not okay.
265
00:10:05,464 --> 00:10:07,458
Mitchell, it's just a joke.
It's barbershop sass.
266
00:10:07,526 --> 00:10:08,754
They love it when I go there.
267
00:10:08,822 --> 00:10:12,958
All right, Violet, get your fancy
can in the chair. You're up.
268
00:10:13,193 --> 00:10:17,228
Hi. So,
what are we doing today?
269
00:10:17,297 --> 00:10:20,198
- I was thinking of an updo.
- I like a high pony for you.
270
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:21,900
- There we go.
- Ow.
271
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:26,432
Oh, so, Vi, I've seen your mom
at Parent Night.
272
00:10:26,588 --> 00:10:29,140
You know what?
I've never seen your dad.
273
00:10:29,233 --> 00:10:32,367
- He works late a lot.
- Well, I hope that's true, sweetie.
274
00:10:32,436 --> 00:10:35,377
- Why wouldn't it be?
- I don't know. Sometimes fathers lie.
275
00:10:35,487 --> 00:10:37,659
It's better for you to find out now
than when you're a 40-year-old man.
276
00:10:37,726 --> 00:10:41,088
40? Okay, speaking of fathers lying.
Can I talk to you for a second?
277
00:10:41,213 --> 00:10:43,166
- Cam, move away, move away.
- Hmm?
278
00:10:44,707 --> 00:10:48,036
- Cam... Cam, clearly you're not okay.
- Okay, you know what?
279
00:10:48,112 --> 00:10:50,146
I thought... I thought I could
tamp it down, put it in a room,
280
00:10:50,213 --> 00:10:52,191
seal it shut just like we did
Grandpa when he got rabid.
281
00:10:52,258 --> 00:10:54,416
Okay, listen, I-I may have
checked with my therapist
282
00:10:54,484 --> 00:10:56,425
on the off chance that you would
want to talk to someone.
283
00:10:56,492 --> 00:10:59,823
No, sir. If I open that door,
there's no telling what we'll find.
284
00:10:59,986 --> 00:11:02,403
You know what?
I... You know I cry inexplicably
285
00:11:02,471 --> 00:11:03,723
when I hear "Smooth Operator."
286
00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:05,442
I don't want to know
what that's about.
287
00:11:05,510 --> 00:11:07,145
Hey, hey, just...
just give it a shot.
288
00:11:07,213 --> 00:11:09,161
Yeah, she's the best,
and if...
289
00:11:09,229 --> 00:11:11,544
if it makes you uncomfortable,
we can leave, all right?
290
00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:13,115
She... She has an opening
this afternoon.
291
00:11:13,182 --> 00:11:14,349
What if the party's still
going on?
292
00:11:14,416 --> 00:11:16,182
Your sister's here.
They'll be fine.
293
00:11:16,377 --> 00:11:17,643
Okay, truth.
294
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,721
How old were you
when you first kissed a boy?
295
00:11:19,881 --> 00:11:21,721
Hmm... a boy person?
296
00:11:23,257 --> 00:11:24,510
I love that you're here,
297
00:11:24,578 --> 00:11:27,198
but don't you guys have
a laundry room at the school?
298
00:11:27,266 --> 00:11:28,407
It's really humid down there,
299
00:11:28,474 --> 00:11:30,426
and my hair is
challenging enough as it is.
300
00:11:30,494 --> 00:11:32,266
I thought you'd be going
to Joe's tournament.
301
00:11:32,335 --> 00:11:35,580
No, he doesn't need me over there.
I would be adding more pressure.
302
00:11:35,648 --> 00:11:38,497
Well, you always kept a low profile
at my ribbon-dancing competitions.
303
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,200
I couldn't even find you
in the stands.
304
00:11:40,268 --> 00:11:44,791
Ah, yeah, with the ribbon
and the swooshing.
305
00:11:45,046 --> 00:11:48,514
But Joe worries me because
stress can destroy a child.
306
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:52,270
Take it from Cartagena's junior
regional backstroke champion.
307
00:11:52,338 --> 00:11:53,562
You used to swim?
308
00:11:53,631 --> 00:11:57,330
Like a cigarette boat
fleeing to international waters.
309
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,776
But all that stress
brought the darkness in me.
310
00:12:00,995 --> 00:12:04,797
I started pulling out my hair,
and... there was an incident.
311
00:12:04,906 --> 00:12:06,105
What kind of incident?
312
00:12:06,173 --> 00:12:07,505
I'm ashamed to admit it,
313
00:12:07,573 --> 00:12:09,685
but when I lost
one of the big races,
314
00:12:09,753 --> 00:12:12,301
I might have hit
one of the other swimmers
315
00:12:12,369 --> 00:12:13,838
in the leg with a skimmer pole.
316
00:12:13,906 --> 00:12:15,549
You Tonya Harding-ed
another girl?
317
00:12:15,617 --> 00:12:18,885
No, in Colombia,
they call it the Gloria Ramirez-ing.
318
00:12:19,450 --> 00:12:20,716
Mom,
319
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:23,494
just because you freaked
out doesn't mean Joe will.
320
00:12:23,611 --> 00:12:24,806
At the end of the day,
321
00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,934
he's only going to remember
that you weren't there.
322
00:12:27,002 --> 00:12:28,005
I don't know.
323
00:12:28,073 --> 00:12:30,622
I think it would mean a lot to him.
I know it meant a lot to me
324
00:12:30,690 --> 00:12:33,161
when you cheered on me and
my ribbon-dancing partner, Josh.
325
00:12:33,229 --> 00:12:34,981
Uh, yeah,
'cause you guys were so great.
326
00:12:35,049 --> 00:12:36,510
I danced alone.
327
00:12:40,295 --> 00:12:41,643
Next order of business,
328
00:12:41,711 --> 00:12:45,401
uh, Lisa would like to put in
a little moat in her yard.
329
00:12:45,551 --> 00:12:48,971
Aww, and with a drawbridge
from the sidewalk to the front door.
330
00:12:49,065 --> 00:12:51,013
I've always dreamed of
being a princess.
331
00:12:51,048 --> 00:12:52,323
All in favor?
332
00:12:52,391 --> 00:12:53,971
- Aye!
- Eyesore.
333
00:12:54,043 --> 00:12:55,401
Claire, did you say something?
334
00:12:55,518 --> 00:12:58,973
I'm sorry. You're just gonna
rubber-stamp Princess Lisa here,
335
00:12:59,041 --> 00:13:01,323
and I can't have a She Shed
in my backyard?
336
00:13:01,432 --> 00:13:02,887
Could you please wait your turn?
337
00:13:02,955 --> 00:13:04,705
W-We haven't moved on
to new business yet.
338
00:13:04,773 --> 00:13:07,573
Fine.
Motion to discuss new business?
339
00:13:07,648 --> 00:13:10,462
Seconded. Recognizing
Claire Dunphy. Thank you.
340
00:13:10,583 --> 00:13:12,245
I'm not leaving here
until I have my permit.
341
00:13:12,312 --> 00:13:13,487
What are you talking about?
342
00:13:13,555 --> 00:13:15,871
I submitted a request
to build a simple structure
343
00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:18,362
you can't even see from the street.
344
00:13:18,479 --> 00:13:21,315
Speaking of which,
why is nobody sounding the alarm
345
00:13:21,383 --> 00:13:23,869
over Gary's avant-garde
mailbox?
346
00:13:24,018 --> 00:13:25,658
- It's a penis, Gary.
- Honey.
347
00:13:25,912 --> 00:13:28,045
What? What? Oh!
What are you doing here?
348
00:13:28,113 --> 00:13:29,253
I was gonna ask you the same thing.
349
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,269
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
Keep up the great work.
350
00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:33,734
It couldn't have been easy
keeping that sewer gator under wraps.
351
00:13:33,936 --> 00:13:35,241
What alligator?
352
00:13:36,484 --> 00:13:38,658
No, that.
See that? That's not fair.
353
00:13:38,764 --> 00:13:41,549
Just because I'm not part of
your little cul-de-sac cult...
354
00:13:41,752 --> 00:13:43,918
- your little cult-de-sac...
- Oh, that was a good one.
355
00:13:43,986 --> 00:13:45,301
I think you made your point.
Why don't we get going?
356
00:13:45,368 --> 00:13:47,708
Claire, this is the first we're
hearing about your She Shed.
357
00:13:47,775 --> 00:13:51,362
Oh. Then I've got something
for you right here.
358
00:13:51,430 --> 00:13:52,651
She's got a gun!
359
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,580
It's a letter, Lisa...
360
00:13:54,723 --> 00:13:58,438
A rejection letter on HOA stationery.
361
00:13:58,635 --> 00:13:59,830
- Stationery?
- Mm-hmm!
362
00:13:59,898 --> 00:14:03,239
In the interest of saving trees,
we do all our correspondence via e-mail.
363
00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:04,800
Come on, Claire,
we don't need to sit here
364
00:14:04,867 --> 00:14:06,674
and listen to these pillars
of the community.
365
00:14:06,742 --> 00:14:10,700
Then who sent me this letter?
Who knew I even wanted a She Shed?
366
00:14:10,768 --> 00:14:12,877
Who even... cared?
367
00:14:18,577 --> 00:14:20,096
Okay.
368
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:22,127
It's a straight shot, pal.
369
00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:24,479
You got this.
How are you feeling?
370
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:25,838
I'm nervous.
371
00:14:26,008 --> 00:14:28,041
My son was being tested
as an athlete,
372
00:14:28,109 --> 00:14:30,009
but I was being tested as
a father.
373
00:14:30,188 --> 00:14:34,257
What I said then would help
shape the man Joe would become.
374
00:14:34,502 --> 00:14:36,059
Nerves are for losers.
375
00:14:36,221 --> 00:14:38,143
What you're feeling is excitement
376
00:14:38,283 --> 00:14:39,693
because for the first time
in your life
377
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,904
you're doing something
that actually matters.
378
00:14:41,972 --> 00:14:44,276
These other kids...
they want you to choke
379
00:14:44,344 --> 00:14:45,599
because you're
king of the mountain,
380
00:14:45,666 --> 00:14:47,169
and they're climbing to reach you.
381
00:14:47,237 --> 00:14:49,372
You've got to be ready
to step on their fingers.
382
00:14:49,441 --> 00:14:50,635
That sounds mean.
383
00:14:50,703 --> 00:14:52,403
They would do
the same thing to you.
384
00:14:52,471 --> 00:14:54,526
Now, get out there
and take what is ours.
385
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:56,143
And have fun.
386
00:15:06,669 --> 00:15:09,135
Huh. That's new.
387
00:15:10,408 --> 00:15:12,971
She's right behind me.
She knows about the letter.
388
00:15:13,039 --> 00:15:14,601
What are we gonna do?
We have to think of an excuse.
389
00:15:14,669 --> 00:15:16,155
We don't have time!
390
00:15:18,446 --> 00:15:20,540
Huh. Guess she hit a light.
391
00:15:20,608 --> 00:15:22,691
All right.
Well, let's think this through.
392
00:15:22,759 --> 00:15:23,791
Oh.
393
00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:26,063
Really, Phil?!
You just turned and ran?
394
00:15:26,131 --> 00:15:27,993
Sweetheart, I...
395
00:15:28,852 --> 00:15:29,985
- I...
- Don't you run again.
396
00:15:30,053 --> 00:15:31,258
Okay.
397
00:15:31,326 --> 00:15:33,290
I have one question. Why?
398
00:15:33,590 --> 00:15:35,005
It's complicated.
399
00:15:35,073 --> 00:15:36,571
How is it complicated?
400
00:15:36,697 --> 00:15:38,948
You printed fake stationery
and forged a letter
401
00:15:39,016 --> 00:15:40,742
so you could have
a stupid batting cage.
402
00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:42,518
- It's not his fault.
- Luke...
403
00:15:42,586 --> 00:15:43,882
I'm gonna tell her.
404
00:15:44,614 --> 00:15:46,047
- He got scared.
- What?
405
00:15:46,115 --> 00:15:48,546
He thought you would like being
out there alone in your shed so much
406
00:15:48,613 --> 00:15:50,166
you'd stop wanting
to spend time with him.
407
00:15:50,233 --> 00:15:51,235
Come on.
408
00:15:51,303 --> 00:15:54,086
He was worried maybe you'd start
sleeping out there.
409
00:15:54,422 --> 00:15:56,797
Pretty soon it's where you
and your friends go to drink
410
00:15:56,865 --> 00:15:58,383
and complain about your husbands.
411
00:15:58,451 --> 00:15:59,862
Oh, I don't need a shed for that.
412
00:15:59,930 --> 00:16:01,711
- We... We do it on a group text.
- Huh?
413
00:16:01,779 --> 00:16:03,291
Honey, I didn't know
that's how you felt.
414
00:16:03,358 --> 00:16:04,883
Why didn't you say something?
415
00:16:04,984 --> 00:16:07,391
I guess I'm not comfortable
being vulnerable...
416
00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:09,649
except... except with Luke.
417
00:16:10,648 --> 00:16:12,385
The whole reason
I wanted to get that shed
418
00:16:12,453 --> 00:16:14,956
was to give myself a place
to calm down
419
00:16:15,024 --> 00:16:17,492
and spare you
ome of my insanity.
420
00:16:17,668 --> 00:16:20,695
If anything, I... I thought
it would help our relationship.
421
00:16:20,763 --> 00:16:22,055
Sweetheart.
422
00:16:22,219 --> 00:16:25,821
- He accepts your apology.
- I got it from here, buddy. Mm.
423
00:16:26,798 --> 00:16:30,099
We got our batting cage...
sort of.
424
00:16:30,602 --> 00:16:31,839
Ugh!
425
00:16:31,930 --> 00:16:34,275
Hey, Mom, think we can get
in there any time soon?
426
00:16:34,343 --> 00:16:36,810
Not after the day I've had!
427
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:39,246
Come on, buddy.
Let's try again tomorrow.
428
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:41,815
Come on.
429
00:16:42,431 --> 00:16:44,102
Yeah!
430
00:16:45,282 --> 00:16:46,790
Here you go.
431
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,474
What is this?!
I need a putter!
432
00:16:49,558 --> 00:16:51,759
Take it easy.
You're only down by one stroke.
433
00:16:51,828 --> 00:16:53,406
Don't remind me!
434
00:16:53,954 --> 00:16:56,477
He's fine, everybody. He's fine.
435
00:16:56,774 --> 00:16:57,948
Good luck, Joe.
436
00:16:58,016 --> 00:17:00,556
Gloria? I-I guess you're here to pull
Joey out of the tournament.
437
00:17:00,623 --> 00:17:01,919
No, no.
I came to cheer him on.
438
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:03,376
No, but I thought about
what you were saying,
439
00:17:03,443 --> 00:17:05,448
and even though you weren't right,
I'm gonna let you have this one.
440
00:17:05,515 --> 00:17:06,892
You can do this, baby.
441
00:17:07,002 --> 00:17:09,357
I'm trying to concentrate!
442
00:17:09,425 --> 00:17:10,665
What is that all about?
443
00:17:10,733 --> 00:17:12,977
I don't know, Gloria.
You seem to make him tense.
444
00:17:16,696 --> 00:17:19,377
- Uh, and there's this other thing.
- I knew it!
445
00:17:19,445 --> 00:17:21,050
You were in my eyeline!
446
00:17:21,118 --> 00:17:23,055
No. Wait. Joe, come here!
447
00:17:23,165 --> 00:17:25,534
- I'm going to step on your fingers!
- Joe, come back here!
448
00:17:25,602 --> 00:17:27,580
- I'm the king of the mountain!
- Give me the club!
449
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:30,381
Give me the club.
Give me the club!
450
00:17:30,807 --> 00:17:32,149
Why?!
451
00:17:32,243 --> 00:17:33,727
Not again.
452
00:17:34,415 --> 00:17:36,006
You're gonna love hockey.
453
00:17:36,704 --> 00:17:38,256
- Okay.
- You know what?
454
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:41,094
If people back home knew
I was in a therapist's office,
455
00:17:41,196 --> 00:17:43,968
it would be all over the
"Rumors and Ramblins" section
456
00:17:44,036 --> 00:17:45,532
of the Grasshopper Gazette.
457
00:17:45,861 --> 00:17:49,008
"Liberal Left Coast Breaks Local Hero."
What are you typing?
458
00:17:49,076 --> 00:17:50,350
Exactly what you just said,
459
00:17:50,418 --> 00:17:51,974
but don't worry,
it's for my therapy, not yours.
460
00:17:52,041 --> 00:17:53,917
You know what?
This is your therapy,
461
00:17:53,985 --> 00:17:55,464
and I don't want to be
here.
462
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,034
Cam, come on.
You need this.
463
00:17:57,102 --> 00:17:59,604
Just give it a shot.
Come on!
464
00:18:00,009 --> 00:18:01,064
Hello, Mitchell.
465
00:18:01,132 --> 00:18:02,189
Hi, Dr. Green.
466
00:18:02,257 --> 00:18:04,768
Thank you so much
for making the time to see us.
467
00:18:04,935 --> 00:18:06,862
- Okay, what's that voice?
- Hmm?
468
00:18:06,930 --> 00:18:09,395
Are you tamping down your crazy
to impress your therapist
469
00:18:09,463 --> 00:18:12,148
like you do when you clean up
before the housekeeper comes?
470
00:18:12,648 --> 00:18:14,237
I appreciate
what you're saying,
471
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,924
I hear you, and I'm gonna
give it some thought.
472
00:18:17,992 --> 00:18:19,955
What the hell?
Can we move into this place?
473
00:18:20,038 --> 00:18:21,440
- You must be Cameron.
- Yes.
474
00:18:21,508 --> 00:18:23,503
So nice to meet you.
I've heard so much about you...
475
00:18:23,570 --> 00:18:25,057
Da-ba-mnh-mnh. Unh-unh.
476
00:18:25,557 --> 00:18:28,369
Mitchell, how do you feel about
how you're behaving right now?
477
00:18:28,437 --> 00:18:30,205
I don't love it.
Can I... Can I restart?
478
00:18:30,273 --> 00:18:31,700
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
479
00:18:32,156 --> 00:18:33,744
A-All right.
Um, you know what?
480
00:18:33,812 --> 00:18:35,382
This... This... I don't want to be here.
481
00:18:35,437 --> 00:18:37,042
This just isn't me.
482
00:18:37,264 --> 00:18:41,080
The art on the wall is weird.
The candy bowl feels like a test, uh...
483
00:18:41,604 --> 00:18:43,705
You know what?
I'm gonna have, uh, just one.
484
00:18:43,773 --> 00:18:46,768
Nope.
I'm gonna have all of them.
485
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,299
Nope. I'm just gonna leave.
486
00:18:49,367 --> 00:18:52,213
Cam, the first step is the
hardest, but it's worth it.
487
00:18:52,281 --> 00:18:54,737
It takes time to work through
family issues.
488
00:18:54,805 --> 00:18:56,925
Yeah, she's right. Some people
spend their whole lives
489
00:18:56,992 --> 00:18:58,901
trying to resolve
these things.
490
00:18:59,043 --> 00:19:01,174
What would I...
What would I even say to her?
491
00:19:01,643 --> 00:19:05,315
That my dad left for a year
with the town floozy
492
00:19:05,383 --> 00:19:07,010
and I thought he was off
being a war hero
493
00:19:07,078 --> 00:19:08,171
and that I'm an idiot
494
00:19:08,239 --> 00:19:10,142
and... and that I'm never
gonna forgive him?
495
00:19:10,252 --> 00:19:13,114
I don't care that he came...
came back to us.
496
00:19:13,182 --> 00:19:15,838
He lied to me, and he let me
grow up thinking my mama
497
00:19:15,906 --> 00:19:18,284
was the most important thing
to him in the world.
498
00:19:18,352 --> 00:19:19,565
He's a phony.
499
00:19:20,471 --> 00:19:23,229
You know, maybe,
you know, he did do the best
500
00:19:23,297 --> 00:19:25,494
he... he knew how, you know?
501
00:19:25,562 --> 00:19:29,869
He always did make me feel safe
and... and happy.
502
00:19:31,815 --> 00:19:34,016
Maybe he was
just trying to protect me,
503
00:19:34,088 --> 00:19:36,268
because he did love me
with all of his heart,
504
00:19:36,336 --> 00:19:39,338
and, actually,
I feel like I know him,
505
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:43,434
like, even better now
and love him even more.
506
00:19:44,528 --> 00:19:48,606
I am the person I am
because of all my experiences.
507
00:19:49,122 --> 00:19:50,902
And I like me.
508
00:19:51,626 --> 00:19:54,918
And I have a daddy to thank for that.
509
00:19:55,457 --> 00:19:57,559
Whew. Ooh!
510
00:19:57,627 --> 00:19:59,893
Hey!
That felt great.
511
00:19:59,947 --> 00:20:01,606
Oh, my gosh.
I feel healed.
512
00:20:01,674 --> 00:20:02,918
Yeah, well,
it's a good start,
513
00:20:02,986 --> 00:20:04,911
- but therapy really is a..
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
514
00:20:04,978 --> 00:20:06,856
That was extraordinary.
515
00:20:07,001 --> 00:20:09,152
I have never seen
anything like that.
516
00:20:09,426 --> 00:20:10,959
He doesn't need me.
517
00:20:11,254 --> 00:20:12,551
Here.
518
00:20:12,832 --> 00:20:15,309
Have a hard candy
and a good life.
519
00:20:15,383 --> 00:20:18,465
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
He's done? No, no.
520
00:20:18,547 --> 00:20:21,309
Okay, I have... I have been
coming here for 10 years,
521
00:20:21,377 --> 00:20:23,504
and I am just barely
scratching the surface.
522
00:20:23,577 --> 00:20:25,240
You call him extraordinary.
523
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:28,113
Meanwhile, I've been pouring out
my soul to you every week,
524
00:20:28,181 --> 00:20:30,621
and I get... boop... nothing.
525
00:20:31,497 --> 00:20:34,410
Mitchell,
I did clear out the full hour.
526
00:20:34,842 --> 00:20:36,222
If you'd like to...
527
00:20:36,290 --> 00:20:37,976
- That would be great,
- Doctor. Thank you so much.
528
00:20:38,043 --> 00:20:39,614
- I would love that.
- Cam, I will see you at home.
529
00:20:39,681 --> 00:20:41,145
Okay, okay.
530
00:20:41,984 --> 00:20:44,574
- You chose the right one.
- I'm waiting!
531
00:20:45,949 --> 00:20:48,597
You sure do know
how to hide, buddy.
532
00:20:48,917 --> 00:20:50,731
I'm looking everywhere.
533
00:20:53,301 --> 00:20:55,592
Nope.
Not under the pool table.
534
00:20:56,067 --> 00:20:58,076
Where, oh where,
could you be?
535
00:20:58,262 --> 00:21:01,559
Manny, I am very busy.
Can't this wait?
536
00:21:01,676 --> 00:21:03,739
I've waited 10 years.
This is happening. Sit.
537
00:21:03,809 --> 00:21:06,284
- Hey, I'm watching something.
- Yes, you are!
538
00:21:06,855 --> 00:21:09,534
Presenting
"Rhapsody in Ribbon."
539
00:21:12,223 --> 00:21:13,718
You're it. I'm hiding.
540
00:21:14,839 --> 00:21:18,962
One, two, three,
541
00:21:19,021 --> 00:21:22,441
four, five, six...
542
00:21:22,541 --> 00:21:23,973
Subs Text Source : Addic7ed.com
543
00:21:24,127 --> 00:21:27,994
♪♪
42527
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