Original subtitles

Hi.

Hi.

How are you?

Good.

You?

Yeah.

This is a bit awkward. Yeah.

No sign of life.

No.

Everybody's gonna say That everything is all right...

Oh.

You arrived together.

We arrived separately, but at the same time.

And you're both almost late. Pete texted, they're on their way.

Karen, I'm sorry.

Don't be. Good to see you.

Adam.

Excellent (!)

Everybody's gonna say That it's all right

Let's doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

How are you, Barbara?

Relieved this is all over.

Yeah, it can't have been easy for you.

Oh! Hot, hot, hot!

HE GARBLES

They've just pulled up. Everybody hide!

Home sweet home.

Too right. Thanks for picking me up. I could have driven.

No, I wanted to. It's a big moment, the end of your treatment.

I'm glad you did.

Thanks, love.

Everybody's gonna say That it's all right...

Phew! I think I always know what you want.

What I want is a nice cup of tea, put my feet up,

and close the door on everything.

ALL: Surprise!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Everybody's gonna say That it's OK...

There you are, David. Ah, cheers.

How are you feeling? Tired.

Happy. That won't last.

The tiredness.

Well, it's been a really tough few months, hasn't it?

Aye, you'll soon start feeling normal.

Tired is normal.

Anyway, I am happy.

Cancer support group?

Oh, yeah. They gave me that when I was leaving.

It's a bit after the event, isn't it?

That's what I thought.

You're done with cancer now, love.

Let's hope it's done with me, Mum.

Anyway, I've got a follow-up appointment in a few months,

so I'll find out then, I suppose.

Great!

Then we'll have another excuse to celebrate.

Yeah.

How did the girls do in their A-levels?

Well... That's good.

No, I mean, well...

They both surprised us. In a good way?

Two C's and a D? Well, that's... disappointing.

No, no, no, that's Ellie. She's over the moon.

OLIVIA IN BACKGROUND: My life is ruined!

It's Olivia that's the problem.

Mary's here. I'll come straight over.

Bring Valium.

Oh, God. I remember Olivia walking out of that one exam.

Did she fail?

No. But that's not how she sees it.

It's ironic, isn't it?

Ellie's ecstatic with two C's and a D,

and Olivia's distraught with an A and two B's.

Well, she's always taken after you. Olivia?

Well, not Ellie. I don't know who she takes after.

Your mother.

Where is she now? Spain.

Last time we spoke. No, Olivia.

Oh, sorry. She was locked in the bathroom, crying.

I think she's in her bedroom now, checking out clearing.

Oh. And Ellie? Gone to the pub.

Yes, she does take after your mother.

I'll go and talk to her.

I've tried, David. I just seem to get on the wrong side of her.

Yes, well, she's not wild about you and Adam either.

Liv'll find something.

Course she will. She's a bright girl.

More to the point, the universities want their fees.

GLASS CLINKS

A toast!

To Jenny, welcome back to the land of the living!

Is that tasteless? Yes.

Sorry. But you know what I mean. We're just happy that you're, um...

Um... Wow.

We're just happy. Yes, so am I.

Thank you, all of you. My family and my friends.

I've had amazing support.

We're just lucky to have each other, I reckon.

OK, come on.

I think we should go, give Jenny some peace and quiet.

No, no. Stay for dinner.

Really? No.

Ah. Ha-ha. Maybe another night.

Still on for tomorrow, aren't we? What, is that a weekly thing?

David comes round and I cook.

I thought I'd do a curry. My favourite, Barbara.

Aw, David's been amazing.

Well, probably beats a ready meal, eh?

That's not why I do it.

I was joking!

It was a joke.

Then why wasn't it funny?

Shall we? Yeah.

If Pete had said it, they'd have laughed.

Yeah, but Pete knew not to.

Do you want to come over to mine tonight?

No, I'd better be at home. Liv might need me.

You could come over.

She's out with Matt tomorrow night.

OK.

Er, yes. Thursday. Curry.

As ever, thank you.

Oh, God. That was awkward. Terrible.

I'm sorry. You could have lived without that.

No, it was lovely. Glad they took the hint though.

Shall I run you a bath?

That'd be nice, thanks.

SHE SIGHS

Morning, son. Shouldn't you have left already?

No, I'm working from home today.

Oh, I'm going to Karen's tonight. I might stay over.

I don't know why you don't just move in with her.

Would you like that? Yeah!

Means I'd get the place to myself.

MESSAGE ALERT

PHONE RINGS

Morning. Did you miss me?

Huh? 'Last night.'

Oh, um, yeah.

Anyway, look, I've had this weird email from work.

'Yeah?'

DOORBELL RINGS

Look, listen. My ten o'clock's here.

'I'll have to call you back.' Oh, do! Karen...

Oh, can Liv stay over tonight?

Dad? DOOR SLAMS

MUSIC: 'People Are Animals' by Imperial Daze

Here lies the honest man

He don't do much But he'll do what he can

Is he driving you wi-ild

Is he driving you wild?

Amber, can I have a word, please? Adam.

I didn't expect to see you today.

Because I said I'd be working from home?

Because of my email. This is our head of IT.

The guy you were telling me about.

This is Patrick. He's the new owner.

He's just arrived from San Francisco.

Oh, great city.

I was there the year of the big quake.

1906?

No, the more recent one. 1989. Yeah, yeah.

I wasn't born then.

So, I guess you've come about my email.

Cos people are animals...

Mm.

Is it just me or does this need more curry powder?

HE SPLUTTERS I think it is you, love.

Hi, sorry. Sorry I'm late! Ooh, hi, David.

Hi, Pete.

Where have you been?

Crisis at work. Ran out of nappies.

It's my taste buds I've lost, not my sense of smell.

What's with the beer breath?

Well... I might have had one on the way home.

With Adam?! Er, yeah.

Oh, Pete! You knew he was coming over.

It was just the one. I had to. He called a Code Red.

You could've come too.

Not invited.

Well, he knows better than that.

Come on, it's been months now.

Isn't it time you accepted him and Karen? Jen has.

It still feels a bit weird.

Wouldn't it be nice if we were all friends again, hey?

I can't help feeling that Adam's with Karen just to get one over me.

He's very competitive.

Like someone else I know.

I used to be. Not any more.

Why did he call a Code Red anyway?

You'll like this...

Hey. Hey, gorgeous.

I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Today's been hectic.

Work. Olivia.

How is she?

Well, she might have a place at Oxford.

Well, that's good! Brookes.

Still a university.

They all are these days, aren't they?

So come on then, why were you calling?

Nothing really.

Just to let you know

I have been suspended from work for inappropriate behaviour.

Inappropriate behaviour?!

What have you done? Excuse me!

Innocent till proven guilty. Sorry.

What have you done?

Nothing. Seriously.

You must've done something. You'd think so.

But whatever it is, they're not telling me.

Legal have said that I can't go into specifics at this time,

to protect the identity of your accuser.

What, I'm being accused of something

and I'm not allowed to know what it is?

That's like something out of Kafka.

Google him.

You'll be advised of the details, and given an opportunity to respond

when my investigation's complete. Until then you should stay at home.

What, as if I'm under house arrest?

Speaking of houses, you don't know of any to rent, do you?

Cos I...need somewhere.

Sorry, just popped into my head. Where were we?

Discussing my suspension.

BARBARA: Poor Adam!

What do you mean, Adam?

To be wrongly accused.

We don't know that he was.

Oh, David! He's your friend!

I'm sure it was just all a misunderstanding.

I keep trying to think who might have it in for me.

It's gotta be one of the women.

Yeah, definitely. Because women are really quick to take offence.

Apparently.

Sexist. I agree.

Which is why I would never think it.

No, it's just there aren't that many blokes.

Well, it only takes one, with a highly-developed... sensitivity.

Nah. It's a woman.

Sexist.

Why don't we move in together?

What?!

If you think about it, it makes sense.

We don't need two houses. Early days, isn't it?

We've known each other 20 years.

Yeah, and been together 20 minutes.

It's just a thought.

I'm gonna have a hangover in the morning.

Why, how much have you had?

Well, I had a couple of pints with Adam.

I said one for David's benefit.

God, it's exhausting having twice as many friends.

You don't.

You do when you have to see them separately.

I know, but they were both here last night.

And that took a major diplomatic effort.

Oh, God, Pete. Life's too short.

They should be forced to be mates again, end of.

Right, I'll be off then.

Looking forward to next week. I always do.

Don't get out much otherwise.

Maybe you should sign up to a dating site.

No, they're for people who are desperate.

Till Thursday then.

Actually, um, we're busy Thursday.

Are we? Yeah, we can do Tuesday.

Great.

I tell you what. For a change, we could go out.

Rock it up a bit, you know. You could maybe bring someone.

Who? I don't know.

Don't you meet people at work?

Karen.

Your other work. The cafe.

Oh, right. Yes, well, there are some yummy mummies there

but I don't think I feel very comfortable asking one of them.

No. I don't suppose they would either.

What about that Mary?

Mary that owns the cafe? Yeah, you must see a lot of her.

Well, we work together and I live above the shop, but...

I liked her when I met her.

Yeah, she's very nice.

Yeah. She seems to like you, David.

She left you that piece of lemon drizzle cake the other day.

It was only going to go to waste.

She changed a lightbulb in your flat.

Yeah, she's my landlady! Oh, come on.

What do you want, a handwritten invitation?

Tuesday! Tuesday.

Bye.

Tuesday? Tuesday's no good.

It's the pub quiz with Adam and Karen.

Well, now there'll be six of us, won't there?

Ah, you knew.

You knew all the time.

Oh, God. Isn't it gonna be a bit awkward?

Probably.

But I'm sick of this, you know.

It's like a messy divorce and we're the kids.

Hopefully, we'll just have a nice time.

Hopefully.

MUSIC: 'Do It Like You Do' by KAWALA

Just let me know, let me know

And ooh-ooh-ooh

Giving it up for Good to be home soon

Do it like you do

Live with the same sun Sleep with the same moon...

Hey. Morning.

Hey, I just saw Liv at the bus stop.

Yeah, she stayed over.

Oh, yeah? You taking advantage of me being at her mum's?

Listen, I know Liv isn't wild about me and Karen.

Yeah. She'll get over it.

Like you have?

I'm getting there.

Doesn't seem as weird as I thought it might.

Good boy.

SLURPS CEREAL MILK Please.

Oh, and I hear that Liv might be going to Oxford.

Yeah, she isn't very happy about it.

You should be. It's closer than Bristol.

Still five hours by coach.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, do you spend all day in your boxers?

Ooh, er, well, I sometimes put a t-shirt on.

PHONE VIBRATES

Are you working from home again? Yeah.

When I leave school, I want your job.

When you leave school, I hope I still have it.

Can someone take me?

What, drama camp? Will you? I'm gonna be late for work.

OK, come on, then.

Aren't you gonna put your hair on?

Do you want a lift or not?

Yeah, see you, Chlo. SHE GROANS

Where did our little girl go?

She got abducted by a teenager. CHLOE: I'm waiting!

Have a good day, baby.

Can I have that when she dies? THEY LAUGH

Oi, we're talking to you.

Oi. What did you say? What did you just say to my kid?

Mum, it's fine.

No, it's not. Go on, I want to know.

Mum, leave it!

If you're such a big man, say to my face what you just said to her.

I didn't mean anything by it.

Well, that's all right then, isn't it? What was it?

"Can I have your mum's car when she dies?"

SHE CHUCKLES

Oh, God. That's hilarious. You could probably have that for a tenner.

Tell you what, let's see if I can make you laugh, hey?

It's not that funny, is it?

Now piss off and leave her alone.

Oh, my God!

You have no idea how embarrassing you are!

Sometimes I wish you were dead!

SHE SIGHS

She didn't mean it, Jen.

It was pretty harsh.

Well, teenagers are, aren't they? Brutal.

Then the next minute, they curl up on your knee wanting a hug.

I know.

But, God, it's exhausting.

When do they come out the other side?

Keep you posted.

Twins are like a tag-team. One steps out of the ring,

the other takes their place.

You're gonna miss them when they go to uni.

I know. It was bad enough when Josh left.

I'll be rattling round this house on my own.

Well, more time to do your own thing, I suppose.

Yeah, and work.

Hm. Yeah.

Do you know what? Maybe I should switch back to the Nina wig.

I think I've still got it somewhere.

Please don't. Mm. Was a bit Brian May.

How's this book doing anyway?

Soon to be a major motion picture?

No, died in development. Book's doing well enough.

But now it's on to the next one. Any ideas?

"How to raise kids that don't hate you."

She doesn't hate you, Jen.

Hm, whatever.

Right, I'll leave you to it. You look busy.

Are we still on for the pub quiz? Adam's really looking forward to it.

Is he? Good.

Yeah. Yeah, we're looking forward to it. See you.

See you, Jen.

Two fat ladies, 88.

Ooh, pink again. Seven and eight, 78.

House! Ooh! We have a winner!

Ooh, Maude.

SHE GIGGLES Ah.

Oh, yeah. Maude, love, we've been through this before.

What?

You're only supposed to fill in the ones I call out.

It's not who can colour in their card the quickest.

I'm sorry. PHONE VIBRATES

Ooh!

Hello? 'Mr Gifford?'

That's right.

'I'm calling from the drama camp Chloe is attending.'

Is everything all right?

Before I make my recommendation about what, if any,

action should be taken,

it's only fair that you have

an opportunity to respond to the allegations made against you.

I feel as if I should've brought a lawyer.

That is your right.

I was joking.

Would you like to seek legal representation?

I'm sure that won't be necessary.

Will it?

The first allegation... First?

..concerns a speech you made at Hattie's leaving do.

Hattie was our receptionist before Sophie.

Oldest employee after me.

I think that's why they asked me to make a speech.

Do you remember what you said?

I do. I, er... I seem to recall it went down rather well.

Really?

LAUGHTER

So, er, Hattie was not only front of house, she's also head of HR,

or as I like to call it, hand relief.

AWKWARD GUFFAWS

Well, Hattie found it funny.

I received a complaint about that joke.

That it belittled Hattie and, by extension, women generally.

That doesn't sound like the Hat. She knew how to have a laugh.

It wasn't Hattie who complained. Who was it then?

That isn't important. It is to me.

If I'm to continue working with this person.

That remains to be determined. The second offence was...

Wait, wait, wait! Sorry, but we haven't finished with the first yet.

You yourself said it was a joke.

Your point being?

That it wasn't meant to be taken seriously.

Well, as Sigmund Freud said, there is no such thing as a joke.

Freud? Google him.

The second offence concerns this email you sent.

Look...

You do seem quite angry lately.

You punched a fellow actor in the face. He had it coming.

HE SIGHS

I'm sure actors can be very annoying.

But it's not the first time you've lost your cool lately.

I didn't mean it when I told Mum I wished she was dead.

She hasn't told you? Why would you say that?!

Don't start on me, all right?! Right, I'm not doing.

You just did. OK.

I wish I hadn't said it.

Oh, sweetheart.

It's not easy being 15.

It's not a bowl of cherries being 50 either,

but at least you get used to disappointment.

I hate it that Mum's ill. I know you do.

But she's better now. Is she?

I believe it, and you have to too. What if the cancer...

Your mum still needs us to be strong.

I know, and... and I do my best. I know you do.

I know.

It's not easy for me either.

I've loved your mum since I was your age.

It's really hard seeing her suffer.

Sorry.

If it gets too much for you again, take it out on me,

not some snotty-nosed kid.

And definitely not your mother.

And you might want to think about apologising to her, yeah?

Shall we get an ice cream after this?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Look, I've got to go, Dad. We're run off our feet here.

I love you.

God, how many times is that today? Well, I counted at least four,

and I was a while at the bank.

He's lonely. It isn't easy.

No, it isn't.

Any plans for tonight? Not tonight. How about you?

I don't know, I think I'll have a quiet one.

I'm gonna have a glass of wine, a hot bath,

another glass of wine, and bed.

Tell you what, on Tuesday, I'm going out with my friends Pete and Jenny.

I think you've met them. You'd be welcome to join us.

Yeah, that'd be nice. Thanks.

Great.

You were sending porn at work?! No!

Well, um... arguably.

We were having some banter the other day...

Oh, my God.

You haven't heard what I'm gonna say yet.

No, but it hasn't started well.

It was about the kind of kinky stuff people get up to.

You talk about that with colleagues? They're half your age.

Well, to be fair, they were talking about it. I just overheard them.

I'm not making this up! Furries have their own language.

Grooming someone's fur is scritching,

mating is called yiffing, and an orgy's a fur pile.

I was in Japan. Cosplay's huge there.

Yeah, well, they have got some interesting fetishes.

Tentacle sex.

Oh, no, no, no. It's a thing. Um...

Women getting it on with a giant squid.

What?!

Yeah, I mean, it's actually got quite a long tradition.

Historically, it's quite respectable.

How do you know so much about it?

A friend told me.

No, really. Seriously, a friend told me.

QUIZMASTER: Name the artist. The Great Wave.

Hokusai. Yes.

I know him. Japanese bloke.

The artist, I suppose "bloke" as well, yes.

He did a picture of a woman being ravished by an octopus.

It's called The Dream of The Fisherman's Wife.

I saw it in a documentary on Sky Arts.

Sounds more like the dream of the fisherman.

What were you doing watching Sky Arts?

Bettering myself. Ah.

And waiting for the footy to start on the other side.

Ah. Yeah.

David was there?

Well, it was a while ago. But it, um, stuck in my mind.

Why would talking about that get you into trouble at work?

Oh, I get it. You didn't just talk about it, did you?

That's obscene! That's Hokusai!

He's an artist, not a pornographer.

Yes, I admit I sent it to Sophie. But she wanted to see it.

Well, fortunately she never received it.

We have a very effective porn filter

that intercepts any emails considered not suitable for work.

Well, I'll take that as a compliment. I wrote the program.

Then by your own definition, this is porn.

Are there any other charges to be answered?

Well, were there? Not as such.

A couple of years ago, you had an affair with a colleague

that led to her having to leave.

I offered to resign, OK? But she insisted she preferred to go.

The joke, the porn, the affair,

it all adds up to someone whose attitude towards women is outdated

and not in keeping with the values of this firm.

Look...

Oh, my God! I know! I'm being victimised!

No, Adam, the thing is, you put it all together

and you see she has a point.

You think I'm guilty?!

No, I'm not saying that. I'm being hung out to dry.

Amber wants to see me dragged through the town by the Bolsheviks.

No, listen, I know that you didn't mean any harm.

But that's not the same as not causing any.

I could lose my job over this. Yeah, you could.

I have had one idea, though. Something that might help.

Why are you looking at me like that?

And you don't need an MBA to know this is the kitchen.

No, but it doesn't hurt to have one.

Ah. How long a lease are you thinking?

Er... six months? With an option to extend for another six,

if that's agreeable to both parties.

You and me?

Well, I was thinking of me and my girlfriend, but you too.

So you're moving in together. Mm...

Has that been in the works for long? Mm...

Oh, my God. Your plan is to bribe your boss?

No! Amber's my boss. Patrick's the new owner.

And not bribe exactly. Maybe buy some influence.

I... scratch his back... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

Boys ganging up together.

I'm just trying to give myself a chance!

You said that I don't deserve to lose my job over this.

We have talked about living together. You have!

The girls are moving out soon, you're gonna have all this space.

I really think it could make a difference.

You're not offering this so I'll put a good word in for you with Amber?

No, no, no, that would be quite inappropriate.

Though if you want to...

Because I can't interfere.

Mm.

So, as long as that's understood...

..we have a deal!

This is my son, Matt. Hiya.

Patrick. I'm going to be renting your house.

Mm.

Great kid.

Bye.

I thought you'd be pleased. Why?

Well, it was your idea. Mine?!

You suggested moving in with Karen. As a joke! And you, not me.

It'll be fun! You get on with Karen and she loves you.

This is my home. All my stuff's here, my own room!

You'll have your own room there! Yeah, Josh's.

Once Liv comes back from uni, you'll be together, under the same roof.

As our parents! You always do this!

What? Decide things for both of us

without asking me.

You, but... You never learn.

Ooh! You look nice.

Hm, thanks.

I'm trying.

You're a good man, Pete Gifford.

I'm lucky to have you.

Are you having an affair? Oh, God, no.

No, I haven't got the energy. Or the inclination.

No, it's just that I was talking to Chloe earlier...

There you go. I'm sorry about what I said.

I didn't mean it. I know you didn't.

If you don't want to wear a wig, you shouldn't.

I don't mind, really. It's bloody itchy, but it's fine.

I know you're going through a lot at the minute, Chlo.

You're allowed to kick off. OK?

Occasionally.

What about Dad? What about him?

He hasn't got anyone to take it out on.

Has he said something?

Chloe.

No more secrets, OK?

And no more burger meals.

We agreed.

It was worth it though, just to see my little girl again.

It was probably only a glimpse, she's still a teenager.

Come on, let's go.

We really need to move out this weekend.

Can you be packed up in time? Have I got a choice?

Matt. Son.

It'll work out, trust me.

It's just...

What?

This was our first proper home together.

Just the two of us. And on a whim, you toss it away,

cos it doesn't mean anything to you. No...

Look, um...

You know, when your mum died,

I spent years wandering from place to place,

trying to find somewhere, anywhere, to call home.

And finally I realised...

..home...

is where you are.

Yeah, you're right.

Bricks and mortar, they don't mean that much to me.

But you...

you mean the world.

Then why are you forcing me to move?

DOORBELL RINGS

Hiya. Hiya.

Everything all right?

Ugh, yeah.

Yeah, fine.

Hi, guys.

Hi, Adam. We won't be late.

PHONE RINGS Ooh. Amber. I'll, um...

Hello?

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

Fine.

OK, there's pasta if you want it.

Did Patrick take your side?

Is that why we're giving up the house?!

So you can keep your job? She says she hasn't spoken to him.

But can you keep your job? I'll find out tomorrow.

She wants to hear what I think would be an "appropriate punishment".

Smells like a trap. In what way?

Well, if I accept any punishment it's like admitting that I'm guilty.

But you are. That joke was really inappropriate.

What? I told them.

Oh. A joke's in the telling.

Your mother may not have done it justice.

"Hand relief"? How is that funny?

The woman I made it about laughed.

She was probably being polite. But what about the other women?

The younger ones.

I bet they were uncomfortable but felt they couldn't say anything,

just had to suffer in silence. I'm not Harvey Weinstein!

No-one's saying you are, but they have a point.

You're on their side? It's not about sides.

It's about changing attitudes. Look, I bet when you were younger,

your parents made jokes you found offensive.

I can think of a few. Like what?

I don't like to say.

Exactly. Cos times change.

And if you don't change with them...

You turn into your parents.

Oh, my God! I'm becoming my dad! I love your dad.

Well, not him, then. All those other dads

who think the world's going to hell in a handcart

and kids spend too much time on their phones. Well, some do.

We need to go! No, we've plenty of time.

No, I need to make a stop on the way.

HE SIGHS

This could have waited.

Oh, no, please sit. Thanks.

Though I do have my decision here.

I thought you wanted to hear what I have to say.

I thought I had.

There's something I'd like to add. Um...

I get it. You know, where you're coming from.

My behaviour was inappropriate.

See, I forgot the secret to a good joke.

Timing? Context.

I misread my audience, and that's on me, not them.

My behaviour was inappropriate, the joke was inappropriate.

I'm not even sure the joke's that funny.

If I, um... If I made any woman, any man, anyone uncomfortable...

that is not funny.

I'm not just saying this to try and save my job.

Whatever's in that letter, I'll take it on the chin, like a man.

Or a woman.

An official warning? I was never gonna fire you.

Not for this.

But I'm glad you can see you acted like a dick.

Are you allowed to say that? Unless I'm misreading my audience.

If it isn't your thing, we don't need to stay.

No, it sounds like it could be fun.

My specialised subject is...

Or not. Oh, my God. What are the chances?

Pretty small, I'd imagine.

OK, we invited them.

David's always been part of the trivia team.

Come on, enough. Just... You two should kiss and make up.

Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Obviously not the kissing part.

Karen, Adam.

How are you? Yeah, we're fine.

We're good. Oh, have you heard we're moving in together?

You what?

I was going to tell you. I was just, sort of,

waiting for the right... the right moment.

No time like the present.

I think you've all met Mary. Hi, Mary.

Hi. Hiya.

Hi.

What would you like to drink? I'll get it.

No, it's my round. Not any more. I'll do it.

Started well, then.

In terms of area, what is the smallest country in the world?

Is it one of those small islands in Micronesia?

Which one? Could be amnesia - I forget.

Monaco?

Or Liechtenstein. I think it's Nauru.

It's the Vatican City.

Is that even a country?

I'm pretty sure it's Nauru. It's not Nauru.

What about San Marino?

I'm telling you, it's the Vatican City.

Put Nauru. OK.

Unless it's San Marino. It's the Vatican City!

'Next question...'

Well, write something down! OK, I'll put Nauru.

So, at the end of that round, still in the lead:

Tequila Mockingbird.

APPLAUSE

I bet they got that name off the internet.

Hot on their heels, just a point behind, it's Tears For Beers.

Well, we've got a crap name!

Oh, please, don't discuss the name again!

We'd be winning if it wasn't for Nauru and Ernest Hemingway.

Hello! It wasn't me who insisted Queen Victoria had eight children.

Eight. I was only one out.

You didn't have a clue.

It's easy to forget one child.

I did in Boots once.

Look, I'm just saying we can all blame others.

We're all on the same team.

I know, I know. Yes, Karen's right.

We could still win. Round five. Rap music.

HE SIGHS

Don't worry. I've got this.

All right then, everybody. So...

At the end of that final round, joint leaders,

Tequila Mockingbird and Tears For Beers.

So we have a tie-breaker for these two teams only.

In which year was the first circumnavigation of the globe?

Whoever's closer wins.

So Christopher Columbus discovered America...

In 1492. I was going to say that.

So it had to be after then. Obviously.

All right. Keep your knickers on. Girls, girls!

Ah, Pete! Sorry.

1522. How do you know that?

I don't, it's a guess. But crossing the Atlantic was a big deal.

So I reckon another 30 years.

No, no, times were changing fast.

Mary's got a lot right tonight.

Yes, about rap! Adam.

I say 1510. Too early.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Neither do you. Hang on.

Maybe it's a trick question.

If the flat-earthers are right,

the globe has never been circumnavigated.

What?!

Come on, so which one are we gonna go for?

1510. 1522.

No, please. If Adam's confident.

He's always confident, means nothing.

'Tears For Beers, I'm going to have to hurry you.'

I hate that name. 1522.

1510.

Let's put it to the vote.

Oh, aye, cos that really worked with Brexit.

Listen, I'm sure it was early 16th century.

Last chance.

Come on!

Mary wasn't just close, she was right!

Oh, stop your whining, we came second.

You should apologise to her. What?

No, really, it doesn't matter. What for?

Dismissing her point of view. It's just a game.

Because she's a woman. Oh, bollocks.

I wasn't confident.

You only backed her cos she's your girlfriend!

Oh, boy!

Maybe that's why you're suspended.

No, you just need to calm down. Really, we're just friends.

Do you have a problem with women?

No problem pulling yours.

KAREN: Hey, Adam. Adam!

PETE: Pack it in, you two.

You're joking. KAREN: Adam, stop it.

What are you doing?! Pack it in!

What are you thinking?

For crying out loud.

The pair of you, God.

Get home. Dickhead.

Pub quiz? Forget it.

Come on, love, let's go. Come on.

Sorry about that. I'm from Rochdale, it was nothing.

I'm just sorry you've fallen out with your friend.

Former friend.

I wouldn't have guessed you could handle yourself.

Well... of course I've done a little Jeet Kune Do in my time.

Could come in handy if Knit and Natter ever get out of hand.

HE CHUCKLES David...

we haven't known each other that long,

but you continue to rise in my estimation.

Well, thank you.

And I have a very high opinion of you.

Actually, I like you, Mary.

A lot.

I like you too.

And I feel like I can trust you.

I wonder...

Would you be interested in becoming my partner?

Partner?

Very quickly on a first date.

Oh, no! I meant business partner.

I need to go away for a while, check on my dad,

see if he's still up to living on his own.

I was hoping you'd run the cafe in my absence.

Ah. Um...

Well, yes, er...

Whatever you need.

Yeah.

Oh, and by the way, I was joking about this being a date.

Sort of.

So how come you know so much about rap?

Oh, you know. Usual story.

Ex-girlfriend. Oh.

If David hadn't hit you...

..I would've.

Yeah.

Sorry about that. Mm.

Do you still want me to move in? Yeah.

If this is what it's gonna to be like.

You tending my wounds when I've been in a fight?

Just the two of us, the house to ourselves.

Hm.

DOOR OPENS

MATT: Hello? GIGGLING

Until my son comes back.

All right? What happened to you?

Cut myself shaving.

So, we've got some news.

I've decided to go back to school,

re-sit history so I can get my grades.

And I've decided to take a gap year.

I want to travel. Well, first I'll have to earn.

But... hang on.

Are you saying that neither of you are moving out?

We'll all be living here? Yeah. It's gonna be fun, isn't it?

KIDS CHATTER

MUSIC: 'We Are Family' by Sister Sledge

We are family

I got all my sisters with me

We are family

Get up everybody and sing

We are family

I got all my sisters with me...

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0