All language subtitles for Boston_Legal_S03E10_720p_WEB-DL_PaHe_30NAMA

PREVIOUSLY ON "BOSTON LEGAL"...

CLAIRE SIMMS, THIS IS
CLARICE BELL, OUR CLIENT.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? IT'S
A BIG BLACK MAN IN A FROCK.

THIS IS DOLCE & GABBANA,
YOU PISSY LITTLE BITCH.

I'M ALAN SHORE,
CLARICE'S LAWYER.

YEAH, UH, UH, CLARICE
WENT TO THE MARKET.

AND YOU WOULD BE?
CLARENCE.

YOU GONNA HIT ME, BRAD?

ONE OF MY GOALS IN LIFE

IS TO GO TO ALL THE PLACES
YOU'VE GONE AND--

JUST DON'T GO TO SHIRLEY.
SHE'S MINE.

***

DON'T TALK TO ME
ABOUT AN APPOINTMENT.
IT'S JUST THAT WITHOUT
A SCHEDULED APPOINTMENT...

MY HUSBAND DIDN'T HAVE
AN APPOINTMENT WITH DEATH.

THERE'S NOBODY HERE I CAN
REALLY GET YOU IN TO SEE.

I AM NOT LEAVING
UNTIL I MEET WITH A LAWYER!
WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE MATTER?

THE SKINNY LITTLE THANG HERE
WON'T TAKE MY BUSINESS

BECAUSE I'M BLACK.
THAT'S WHAT'S GOING ON.

I'M SURE
THAT'S NOT THE CASE.
WELL, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?

WERE YOU HERE?
WHAT'S GOING ON?

(whispers) EVIDENTLY,
HER HUSBAND WAS STRUCK

AND KILLED BY LIGHTNING.
SHE WANTS TO SUE GOD.
AH.

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ME.

DON'T THINK I DON'T KNOW
YOU TALKING ABOUT ME.
MRS., UH...

I AM NOT LEAVING.

YOU GONNA HAVE TO BRING IN
A BULLDOZER AND PLOW ME OUT.

I'M SURE THAT
WON'T BE NECESSARY.
(whispers) LET ME
JUST MEET WITH HER.

(low voice) ABSOLUTELY NOT.
ANYBODY BUT YOU.

WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED
TO MEAN?
I KNOW YOU, DENISE.

YOU'LL PROBABLY WIND UP
TAKING THIS CASE.
AND WHAT IS THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

WHERE IS MY LAWYER?
TEN SECONDS, AND I SCREAM.
(normal voice)
NO, PLEASE, DON'T DO THAT.

(screaming) ONE!
OKAY!

(low voice) MEET WITH HER,
BUT THAT'S IT.

(normal voice) BRAD!
GO WITH DENISE.

MAKE SURE SHE DOES NOT
TAKE THIS CASE.

ALAN...

SHIRLEY, I WAS JUST
THINKING OF YOU.

WERE YOU NOW?

WELL, NOT YOU SPECIFICALLY.

YOUR DOLL.

I THOUGHT I OUGHT TO PUT IN
SOME HARD HOURS

PRACTICING WITH HER
IN PREPARATION

FOR FINDING YOU
UNDER THE MISTLETOE

AT THE CHRISTMAS PARTY
AND STEMMING YOUR YULETIDE

WITH MY SKILLED
AND DARTING TONGUE.

YOU ARE COMING
TO THE CHRISTMAS PARTY,

AREN'T YOU, SHIRLEY?
I WOULDN'T DREAM
OF MISSING IT.

WHAT'S THAT?

OH, THAT'S JUST A CASE
I'M ASSIGNING,

SOMETHING SENIOR PARTNERS
TEND TO DO ON OCCASION.

THIS IS ONE OF
EDWIN POOLE'S CASES.

IT SEEMS TO HAVE SLIPPED
THROUGH MY CRACKS,

SO I THOUGHT YOU'D FIND IT
ESPECIALLY TASTY.
AH.

WHAT KIND OF CASE?

A WOMAN IS TRYING
TO GET CUSTODY

OF HER SISTER'S TWINS.

EVIDENTLY, THE LITTLE GIRLS ARE
BUDDING COUNTRY MUSIC STARS,

AND THE WOMAN FEELS THAT THIS
IS NO WAY TO RAISE CHILDREN.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

SHE'S TRYING TO GET CUSTODY
BECAUSE THE GIRLS SING?

THE SISTER, IT SEEMS,
IS A BIT PROTECTIVE.

ANYWAY, WE REPRESENT
THE MOTHER AND FATHER.

THE TRIAL STARTS TOMORROW,

AND YOU NEED TO MEET
THE CLIENTS.
WHAT'S MY MOTIVATION?

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

MY CHARACTER'S MOTIVATION.

I CAN'T JUST JUMP COLD
INTO A CASE, SHIRLEY.

I NEED INCENTIVE.
SUCH AS?

WELL...

LET'S SAY, IF I WIN,
YOU HAVE TO DRESS UP

AS A PLAYBOY BUNNY
FOR THE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

THINK OF MORALE, SHIRLEY.

AND IF YOU LOSE,
YOU DRESS UP AS THE BUNNY?
EVEN BETTER.

FINE THEN.
YOU HAVE A BET.

WHAT AM I MISSING?

***

UH, HOW IS EVERYTHING, GUYS?
(mouth full) WONDERFUL.

WONDERFUL, SOFIA.

I HAVE A FEELING
THIS WAS A HAPPY COW.

(chuckles)

UM, MR. CRANE, MAY I SPEAK
WITH YOU FOR A MINUTE?

ABSOLUTELY.
IS IT SEXUAL?

I NEED MORE BUTTER.

NO, IT'S A LEGAL THING,
AND--AND IT'S PERSONAL.

MMM, I'LL GET THE BUTTER.

SIT, SIT, SIT,
SIT, SIT.

UM, IT'S ABOUT
MY DAUGHTER CLAIRE.

SHE'S 16,
AND I'M LOSING HER.

DRUGS?
NO, SHE'S GOT ANOREXIA.

WE'VE BEEN FIGHTING ABOUT IT
FOR MONTHS.

SHE SAYS NOTHING'S WRONG
AND THEN STARTS SCREAMING AT ME,

AND THEN I START SCREAMING BACK,

AND LAST WEEK,
SHE MOVED OUT.

SHE'S STAYING
WITH HER GIRLFRIEND,

AND TODAY I GOT SERVED
WITH THIS.

LOOKS LIKE A LEGAL THING,
A DOCUMENT.

SHE WANTS TO BE EMANCIPATED.

I'M REALLY SCARED, MR. CRANE.

SOFIA, BRING HER TO MY OFFICE,

AND I'LL TALK
SOME SENSE INTO HER.

FAILING THAT,
MAYBE A COUPLE OF CUPCAKES.

WHAT EXACTLY
ARE YOU GONNA SAY?

WELL, I'LL TELL HER
MAN NEEDS TO EAT.

(belches) EXCUSE ME.

IT WASN'T ME.

YOU MUST KNOW THAT ANY JUDGE
IS GONNA LAUGH

AT A CLAIM LIKE THIS,
ANNABELLE.

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?

I'M ANGRY.

MY HUSBAND WAS NOT MEANT
TO DIE,

AND I'M ANGRY THAT PEOPLE JUST
SEEM TO FLICK IT OFF LIKE--

WELL, WAIT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
THEY--THEY "FLICK IT OFF"?

LIKE SOMEHOW BECAUSE
HE GOT STRUCK BY LIGHTNING,

IT WAS MEANT TO BE.

YOU GET CANCER,
YOU DIE IN A CAR CRASH,

IT'S TRAGIC,
BUT A LIGHTNING BOLT?

"HIS NUMBER WAS UP.
ACCEPT IT."

WELL, I CAN'T ACCEPT IT!

AND SUING SOMEBODY,
MAYBE EVEN GOD--

I JUST WANT TO GIVE VOICE
TO MY RAGE. THAT'S ALL!

HE WAS THE ONLY MAN
I EVER LOVED.

HOW CAN GOD
JUST TAKE HIM AWAY?

(low voice) DON'T EVEN
THINK ABOUT IT.

I WAS TALKING TO HIM
WHEN IT HAPPENED, YOU KNOW?

HE WAS ON THE GOLF COURSE.
I CALLED HIM ON HIS CELL.

I HEARD THE CRACK,

AND HE WAS GONE.

I'M SORRY.

I CAN'T JUST SIT HOME
AND GRIEVE.

I JUST HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING.

I...

MRS. CARRUTHERS--
DENISE.

I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR CASE.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL,
WELL-BEHAVED--

WE HOMESCHOOL,
ON THE ROAD, AS WELL.

MY SISTER HAS ISSUES.
SHE'S SUING FOR CUSTODY,

BECAUSE OF WHAT THEY SING?

BASICALLY,
SHE THINKS THE SONGS

AND OUR VALUES
ARE TOO CONSERVATIVE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO HEAR THEM
PERFORM, MR. SHORE?

DELIGHTED.

(strumming chords)

(both) * RISE UP AND SHINE

* AMERICA'S SONS
AND DAUGHTERS *

* RISE UP AND SHINE

* YOU GOTTA FIGHT
TO PART THOSE WATERS *

* WHEN WE SWIM IN THE LIGHT

* ALL WILL BE OKAY

* THE BLACK, YELLOW
AND BROWN MAN *

* WILL WASH AWAY

* YES, THE BLACK, YELLOW
AND BROWN MAN *

* WILL WASH AWAY

* RISE UP AND SHINE

* AMERICA'S SONS AND DAUGHTERS

* RISE UP AND SHINE

* YOU'VE GOTTA FIGHT
TO PART THOSE WATERS *

* WHEN WE SWIM
IN THE LIGHT *

MY SISTER THINKS WE'RE RACIST.
* ALL WILL BE OKAY

GOT IT.

* THE BLACK, YELLOW
AND BROWN MAN *

* WILL WASH AWAY

* YES, THE BLACK, YELLOW
AND BROWN MAN *

* WILL WASH AWAY

(music stops)

SHIRLEY...

YES, ALAN?

YOU DIDN'T MENTION
THAT THE CLIENTS

WERE WHITE SUPREMACISTS.
DIDN'T I?

THAT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT,
DOES IT?
NO, IT DOESN'T, SHIRLEY,

AND I'VE ALWAYS CONSIDERED YOU
SUCH A BEACON OF FAIR PLAY.

WELL,
LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE.

YOU'LL LOOK GREAT
IN THAT BUNNY OUTFIT.

THINK OF MORALE, ALAN.
MOTIVATED YET?

OKAY, YOU ARE ALL HERE
FOR THE ASSISTANT POSITION.

I WILL BE INTERVIEWING YOU
ONE BY ONE.

EACH OF YOU WILL HAVE
ABOUT THREE MINUTES.

I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR DREAMS
FOR WORLD PEACE.

YOU WILL NOT IMPRESS ME
WITH YOUR CONCERN FOR WHALES,

A.I.D.S. BABIES
OR GREENHOUSE EMISSIONS.

AND IF YOU'RE RELIGIOUS,

FOR GOD'S SAKES,
KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS
HOW FAST YOU TYPE,

WHAT'S YOUR EXPERIENCE,
LEVEL OF EDUCATION AND...

CLARICE.

(feminine voice)
DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.

YOU'RE APPLYING FOR
THE ASSISTANT POSITION?

I HAVE SKILLS.

OKAY, WIG OFF.

YOU FIRST, HO.

CLARENCE, WIG OFF!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

(speaking in normal voice)
I QUIT THE OTHER JOB.

IT WASN'T THE SAME
AFTER THEY TOOK ME BACK.

AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT
YOU COULD BE A LEGAL SECRETARY?

I WENT TO LAW SCHOOL.

AND CLARICE HAS
GOOD PEOPLE SKILLS.

YOU WENT TO LAW SCHOOL?

I NEVER PRACTICED.

BUT--BUT CLARICE KNOWS
EVERYTHING I KNOW AND--

OKAY,
I AM NOT HIRING CLARICE.

I DON'T EVEN LIKE CLARICE.

I WILL HIRE YOU...

ON A TRIAL BASIS.

I DON'T THINK I...

IT'S TOO HIGH PRESSURE.
I HAVE TO BE HER.

THE OFFER IS EXTENDED
TO CLARENCE, NOT CLARICE.

I THOUGHT
WE WERE JUST GONNA TALK.
WE ARE,

BUT SINCE YOU GOT A LAWYER, I
THOUGHT I SHOULD HAVE ONE, TOO.

SHELLEY FORD.
UH, DENNY CRANE.

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM,
AND HOW IS SHE PAYING YOU?

WE MET ON MY WEB SITE.
I'M A SUPPORTER
OF THE PRO-ANA MOVEMENT

AND AN ATTORNEY
WITH YANNETTI, BAUER & LEWIS.

I TOOK THIS CASE PRO BONO.

AND WHAT THE HELL IS PRO-ANA?
IT'S SHORT FOR PRO-ANOREXIA.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU'RE IN FAVOR OF A DISEASE?

PRO-ANA IS NOT A DISEASE,
MR. CRANE.

IT'S A LIFESTYLE CHOICE.
IT'S LIKE BEING GAY
OR AN ATHEIST.

WE'RE OUT OF THE CLOSET.
WE'RE NOT ASHAMED OF IT.

WE'RE TIRED OF
ALL THE NASTY LABELS,

AND WE'RE PROUD OF THE WAY
WE LIVE.

YOU'RE GOING TO STARVE
TO DEATH!

I-I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO BE MORE CLEAR.
AND ONCE AGAIN,

YOU HEARD NOTHING.
LIVER FAILURE,
MUSCLE LOSS!

STOP IT!
YOU STOPPED YOUR PERIOD
A YEAR AGO.

DO YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN?
STOP IT!

MRS. WILSON, YOU INDICATED
YOU HAD SOMETHING TO SAY.

WHAT IS IT?

YOU'RE TOO SKINNY.

SNAP OUT OF IT.

I GUESS WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER
IN COURT.

NOT IF YOU TURN SIDEWAYS.

WHAT?

YOU DID WHAT?

IF WE CAN JUST GET PAST
SUMMARY JUDGMENT--

YOU WON'T GET PAST IT.

SUING GOD?
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?

AND YOU--
YEAH.

I TOLD YOU TO PREVENT THIS
FROM HAPPENING.

I TRIED.
YOU TRIED!

WHAT'S UP?
(sighs)

BRAD AND DENISE HAVE DECIDED TO
REPRESENT A WOMAN SUING GOD.

(laughs)
I DIDN'T DECIDE. SHE--

YOU BOTH BEAR RESPONSIBILITY
FOR TAKING THIS CASE.

YOU BOTH WILL FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO BEAT SUMMARY JUDGMENT.

THAT SHOULDN'T BE
TOO HARD.

DO YOU KNOW THE FACTS

OF THIS CASE, MR. COHO?

NO, BUT ANYBODY CAN GET A CASE
PAST SUMMARY JUDGMENT.

MAYBE NOT.
(Paul) OKAY...

ALL THREE OF YOU
WILL BEAR RESPONSIBILITY.

WHOA, WHOA, NO, I--
NO, NO!
YOU JUST GOT YOURSELF ASSIGNED.

YOU CAN TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY

TO FURTHER YOUR BOND
WITH MR. CHASE.

***

I WAS RAISED THE SAME WAY
THEY WERE.

OUR PARENTS TOLD US
THE SAME STORIES,

ABOUT THERE BEING
NO HOLOCAUST,

THE BLACKS MONGRELIZING
THE PURE WHITE RACE,

THE WHOLE DEAL,

BUT I WAS ABLE TO COME OUT
FROM UNDER IT.

AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO PUT
YOUR STAMP ON OUR CHILDREN.

MS. SHAW, MS. MONROE,

REGARDLESS OF MY PERSONAL
FEELINGS ABOUT THIS CASE,

I CAN ASSURE YOU OF ONE THING.

YOU HAVE NO LEGAL STANDING
TO CHALLENGE CUSTODY HERE.

THE COURT WOULDN'T DARE
TAKE CHILDREN AWAY

FROM THEIR PARENTS BECAUSE OF
SAID PARENTS' POLITICAL BELIEFS.

MR. AND MRS. TANNER
ARE EXTREMISTS,

AND THEY ARE HAZARDOUS TO
THEIR OWN CHILDREN'S WELFARE

AS WELL AS SOCIETY.

AND WE ARE PREPARED TO PROVE
THAT THIS CUSTODY BATTLE

IS NOT ONLY A MATTER
OF CHILD WELFARE,

BUT OF NATIONAL SECURITY.

SHE ACTUALLY CITED
NATIONAL SECURITY AS GROUNDS

FOR TAKING CHILDREN AWAY
FROM THEIR PARENTS.

WHITE SUPREMACISTS
ARE HATE CELLS.

HATE CELLS ARE
A BREEDING GROUND FOR TERROR.

IT'S JUST A FACT.
IF SEEING SHIRLEY IN PINK EARS
WEREN'T INCENTIVE ENOUGH,

I THINK I ACTUALLY MIGHT HAVE TO
FIGHT THIS ONE ON PRINCIPLE.

(slurps)

SO BASICALLY,
WE'VE BOTH GOT MOTHERS

TRYING TO HANG ON
TO THEIR DAUGHTERS.

MAYBE WE SHOULD CRITIQUE
EACH OTHER'S CLOSINGS.

(slurps)

WHAT?

YOU--YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN DO THIS?

I MOST CERTAINLY
DIDN'T SAY THAT.

OH, YES, YOU DID.

YOU DON'T TRUST ME.

DENNY--
I KNOW YOU TOO WELL, ALAN.

YOU DON'T THINK
I CAN HANDLE THIS SOLO.

I'M SIMPLY SAYING,

GIVEN THE ENORMITY
OF THE STAKES,

IT CAN'T HURT FOR EITHER OF US
TO GET FEEDBACK.

RIGHT.

I'M GETTING SICK OF HAVING
TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU.

***

***

(telephone rings)

(ring)

CLARENCE...

ONE OF YOUR DUTIES

WOULD BE TO PICK UP
THE PHONE

WHEN IT MAKES NOISES
LIKE THAT.
(ring)

I-I CAN'T.

(ring)
CAN YOU AT LEAST LET ME
BE HER ON THE PHONE?

(ring)

OKAY.

I WILL LET YOU BE HER
ON THE PHONE AT THE BEGINNING,

BUT YOU WILL NOT BE CALLING
OUR CLIENTS "HOs"

AND AFTER A MONTH...
(ring)

YOU WILL HAVE TO BE YOU
ALL THE TIME,

INCLUDING WHEN
YOU ARE ON THE PHONE.
(ring)

THANK YOU.

(feminine voice)
CLAIRE SIMMS' OFFICE.

THIS IS CLARICE BELL SPEAKING.

YES. YES, INDEED.

THIS SUMMER WE SANG

AT A PATRIOT'S DAY PICNIC
IN RICHMOND

AND AT THE SOLSTICE FESTIVAL
IN TAMPA.

ALSO, WE GOT TO DO
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM

AT AN ANTI-IMMIGRATION RALLY
IN FT. PAYNE.

KATEY,
DO YOU EVER WISH THAT,

INSTEAD OF HAVING TO PERFORM
AT THOSE KINDS OF GATHERINGS,

THAT YOU GOT TO DO FUN THINGS
LIKE OTHER KIDS--

SUMMER CAMP, DISNEYLAND?

PERFORMING IS FUN FOR US,
AND IT'S IMPORTANT.

WE'RE STANDING UP
FOR SOMETHING.

AND WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU
STANDING UP FOR?

WHITE PRIDE.

I MEAN, OTHER GROUPS
ARE ALLOWED

TO BE PROUD OF THEMSELVES,
RIGHT?
OBJECTION.

KATEY, SWEETHEART,
YOU WEREN'T ASKED A QUESTION.

I'D LIKE TO HEAR FROM KATEY.

IT USED TO JUST BE,
LIKE, BLACKS

WITH THEIR MARCHES
AND HISTORY MONTH AND STUFF.

NOW IT'S EVERYONE,
LIKE THE MEXICANS.

THEY ILLEGALLY
CROSS OUR BORDERS,

THEN SAY THEY WANT
TO BECOME AMERICANS.

BUT AT THEIR RALLIES,

THEY JUST WAVE THEIR
MEXICAN FLAGS AND TALK SPANISH.

WITH OUR SONGS,

WE'RE SAYING THAT WHITES NEED
TO STAND UP AND FIGHT BACK,

BECAUSE THE MINORITIES,
THEY'RE WINNING.

WINNING WHAT?

THE RACE WAR--
NOT, LIKE, WITH GUNS--

WITH BABIES.

THE MEXICANS, THE CHINESE,
THEY'RE ALL HAVING

AS MANY KIDS AS THEY CAN
SO THEY CAN TAKE OVER.

WHITES ARE ALREADY A MINORITY
IN CALIFORNIA,

TEXAS AND NEW MEXICO.

WE'VE PRETTY MUCH LOST
THOSE STATES ALREADY.

AND WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
I LEARNED IT IN SCHOOL.

YOUR HOME SCHOOL,

THE ONE THAT
YOUR MOTHER TEACHES?

YES.

KATEY, HAVE YOUR PARENTS
EVER HIT YOU?

HIT ME? NO.

HOW ABOUT LAUREN?

TO YOUR KNOWLEDGE, HAVE THEY
EVER BEEN VIOLENT WITH HER?

NO, THEY LOVE US.

DO THE TWO OF YOU ALWAYS GET
ENOUGH TO EAT?

UM, YEAH.

HOW ABOUT YOUR HEALTH?

ANY ACHES OR PAINS
NOT BEING ATTENDED TO,

PERHAPS A SORE THROAT
FROM ALL THAT SINGING?

NO.

OKAY, NOW, KATEY,

MS. MONROE MENTIONED THAT
YOUR MOTHER IS YOUR TEACHER.

GIVEN ALL THE TIME YOU SPEND
TRAVELING AND PERFORMING,

DOES SHE EVER LET YOU
SLIDE A LITTLE

WHEN IT COMES TO SCHOOL?

I WISH.

WE DO WAY MORE HOMEWORK

AND GET BETTER TEST SCORES
THAN KIDS IN REGULAR SCHOOLS.

AND WHENEVER
WE TAKE A TRIP SOMEWHERE,

OUR DAD ALWAYS TURNS IT
INTO A TOTAL HISTORY LESSON.

I CAN IMAGINE.

SO YOU'RE SAFE

AND WELL-FED,
HEALTHY AND SUCCESSFUL.

LET ME ASK YOU.

AS LONG AS YOU AND YOUR SISTER
COULD BE TOGETHER,

AND IF IT WERE UP TO YOU,

WITH WHOM WOULD YOU WANT
TO LIVE?

WE WANT TO LIVE AT HOME
WITH OUR FAMILY.

SUE THE CHURCH?
WHY NOT?

A LIGHTNING BOLT
IS AN ACT OF GOD.

THE CHURCH HOLDS ITSELF OUT
AS AN AGENT OF GOD.

LET'S SLAP THE EPISCOPALIANS.
IT'S RIDICULOUS.

YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA?
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S SUPPOSED
TO HAVE THE BETTER IDEAS,

BECAUSE YOU SAID WE COULD
BEAT THIS IN SUMMARY JUDGMENT.
OKAY, HERE'S AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T WE TELL THE JUDGE
TO KISS MY ASS?

THAT CAN WORK PRETTY NICELY
IF YOU SAY IT JUST RIGHT.

LET ME PRACTICE.
KISS MY ASS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

OH...
NO, NO!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

UNH-UNH. THAT'S ENOUGH.

***

I DON'T DO DRUGS,
AND I DON'T DRINK.

I TAKE A.P. CLASSES,
AND I GET ALL STRAIGHT A's.

AND YOU'RE GRADUATING EARLY?

WITH HONORS.

YOU ALSO HAVE A WEB SITE,
DON'T YOU?

IT'S CALLED Thinspire.

IT'S A SUPPORT COMMUNITY FOR
GOAL-ORIENTED YOUNG WOMEN.

WE POST ARTICLES AND SUGGESTIONS

ON HOW TO LIVE
A MORE THINSPIRATIONAL LIFE.

AND HOW DO YOU PLAN

TO SUPPORT YOURSELF
FINANCIALLY?
I MODEL.

WELL, I'M JUST GETTING STARTED,
REALLY.

I'VE DONE FASHION SHOWS FOR
A FEW LOCAL DEPARTMENT STORES,

BUT RECENTLY I'VE GOTTEN
A LOT OF CATALOG WORK.

IT'S PRETTY STEADY,
AND I MAKE ABOUT $125 AN HOUR.

IT SOUNDS TO ME
LIKE YOU'RE DOING

PRETTY WELL FOR YOURSELF,
MS. WILSON.

YES, I AM.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST
THIS MORNING?

I HAD A DIET SODA

AND A CRACKER WITH
SOME BUTTER SPRAY ON IT.

AND LUNCH?
I DIDN'T EAT LUNCH.

I CAN'T EAT
WHEN I'M STRESSED OUT.

SO HOW MANY CALORIES
HAVE YOU HAD TODAY?

16.

ARE YOU AWARE
THAT THE DAILY REQUIRED

NUMBER OF CALORIES FOR SOMEONE
OF YOUR AGE AND HEIGHT

IS SOMEWHERE BETWEEN 1,800
AND 2,400?

AND ARE YOU AWARE THAT
TWO OUT OF THREE AMERICANS

ARE OVERWEIGHT?

NO ONE'S CALLING THEM SICK.
I'M HEALTHY.

I WATCH WHAT I EAT,
AND I EXERCISE.

YOU CAN ASK ANY FAT GIRL
AT MY SCHOOL

IF SHE'D WANT TO TRADE PLACES
WITH ME.
NOW DON'T GO KNOCKING FAT GIRLS.

I LOVE CHUBBY SEX,
AND I'M SURE YOUR HONOR DOES.
MR. CRANE!

MS. WILSON...

ARE YOU AWARE THAT

THE "DIAGNOSTIC AND STATISTICAL
MANUAL OF MENTAL DISORDERS"

DEFINES ANOREXIA NERVOSA

AS A MENTAL ILLNESS?

30 YEARS AGO THEY SAID THE SAME
THING ABOUT HOMOSEXUALITY.

EXACTLY!

NO FURTHER QUESTIONS.

***

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

WHY DOES HE NEED TO HEAR
CLOSING STATEMENTS?

IT'S A SIMPLE DECISION.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS JUDGE?

WELL, MAYBE HE'S JUST
PREJUDICED AGAINST,

YOU KNOW, SKINHEADS.

DO I LOOK LIKE A SKINHEAD,
MR. SHORE?

I'M TOLD THEY CAN TAKE ON
VARIOUS FORMS.

HEY, IF YOU'RE PREJUDICED
AGAINST US--

* RISE UP AND SHINE

* AMERICA'S SONS AND D--
QUIET!

LISTEN, AS MUCH AS I ENJOY
THE COMPANY OF YOU SHOW PEOPLE,

I HAVE A CLOSING TO PREPARE,

SO I'LL SEE YOU AND YOUR
FULL HEADS OF HAIR

AT THE COURTHOUSE.
WE ARE NOT BIGOTED.

OUR MESSAGE IS SIMPLY--
IT'S GOOD TO BE WHITE.

I'LL MEET YOU
AT THE COURTHOUSE.

CASE GOING WELL?

IT ISN'T OVER YET, SHIRLEY.

WE HAVEN'T EVEN GOT TO THE PART
WHERE I DELIVER

MY POLITICALLY BIASED
BUT COMPELLING CLOSING ARGUMENT.

NOW HOW CUTE IS THAT?

***

WE'VE HEARD TESTIMONY
FROM YOUR DAUGHTER

THAT AT HER NEW, LOWER WEIGHT,
HER SOCIAL LIFE'S IMPROVED.

SHE'S BEING ASKED OUT
ON DATES.
THAT'S TRUE, BUT--

SHE'S GETTING MORE INVOLVED
IN SCHOOL ACTIVITIES

NOW THAT HER SELF-ESTEEM
IS UP.

WE'VE HEARD
SHE LOVES THEATER AND DANCE.

AT HER PREVIOUS WEIGHT, SHE WAS
GETTING SUPPORTING ROLES,

AND NOW SHE'S GOT THE LEAD
IN "GREASE," CORRECT?

YES.
WOULDN'T YOU SAY YOUR DAUGHTER
IS BLOSSOMING AT HER NEW WEIGHT?

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
SO BECAUSE CLAIRE HAS CHOSEN

A PRO-ANA LIFESTYLE,
HER LIFE HAS IMPROVED.

SHE'S NOW WORKING
PROFESSIONALLY.

SHE'S COMPLETELY CAPABLE
OF LIVING ON HER OWN,

AND THIS IS A THREAT TO YOU,
ISN'T IT?
NO, THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL.

AND UNDER YOUR CARE,
YOU'D WANT HER TO GAIN WEIGHT,

WHICH WOULD MAKE HER
LOSE HER SELF-ESTEEM,

HER CAREER WOULD SUFFER,
BUT YOU'D STILL HAVE CONTROL

OVER YOUR LITTLE GIRL'S LIFE.
OBJECTION!

SHE'S-SHE'S BEING...
OBJECTIONABLE.
SUSTAINED.

I HAVE MY DAUGHTER'S
BEST INTERESTS AT HEART.

YOU'RE A 40-YEAR-OLD
SINGLE MOTHER

WORKING IN A STEAKHOUSE.

THE ONLY GOOD THING
THAT YOU HAVE GOING FOR YOU

IS YOUR DAUGHTER.

YOU WANT TO HANG ONTO HER AS
LONG AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN--
OBJECTION!

SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXAMINE
YOUR OWN EMPTY LIFE.
YOUR HONOR!

MS. FORD, THAT'S ENOUGH.

MS. SIMMS?

(chuckles)
YOU CAN CALL ME CLAIRE.

(chuckles) CLAIRE...

UH, THE, UH, THE CASE
THAT MR. COHO

AND MR. CHASE
ARE WORKING ON...
MM-HMM?

I, UH...
I PULLED UP SOME RESEARCH.

THE CELL PHONE?
EVIDENTLY, HE WAS
TALKING ON IT

WHEN HE GOT STRUCK
BY THE LIGHTNING?

THOSE STUDIES LINKING
CELL PHONES AND LIGHTNING

HAVE BEEN
COMPLETELY DEBUNKED.
WELL...

GO AHEAD, CLARENCE.

CLARENCE.

THE--THE STUDIES HAVE BEEN,
UH, MAINLY DISCOUNTED,

BUT NOT TOTALLY.

AND CONFLICTING STUDIES--

IT--IT BECOMES A QUESTION
OF FACT, NOT LAW.

WHICH MEANS THE CASE CAN'T
GET KICKED AT SUMMARY JUDGMENT.

CAN I SEE THOSE STUDIES,
PLEASE?

INTERESTING.
I COULD RUN WITH THIS.

I'LL RUN WITH IT.
GUYS...

***

HOW ARE THEY SUPPOSED
TO SERIOUSLY FUNCTION

IN THIS WORLD AS ADULTS

IF THEY'VE BEEN BROUGHT UP
AT WHITE SUPREMACISTS?

MANY SEEM TO DO JUST FINE.
YOUR HONOR...

IS THIS AN ENVIRONMENT THAT YOU
WOULD SUBJECT YOUR CHILDREN TO?

AND THIS IS A PHYSICAL DANGER,
AS WELL.

WHITE SUPREMACISTS
ARE MORE LIKELY

TO BECOME INVOLVED
IN VIOLENCE.

THEY'RE HATE GROUPS,

AND MR. SHORE CAN DERIDE ME
FOR PULLING

THE NATIONAL SECURITY CARD,
BUT DO NOT TELL ME

THAT THE TIMOTHY McVEIGHS
OF THIS WORLD

AND THE CHRISTIAN IDENTITY
ORGANIZATION AND THE LIKE,

WHICH SUPPORT VIOLENCE
AND ARE ANTI-GOVERNMENT,

YOU CAN'T TELL ME

THAT THEY DON'T POSE A THREAT
TO THIS COUNTRY.

FOR GOD'S SAKE,
THESE TWO LITTLE GIRLS

ARE BEING TAUGHT TO ADHERE
TO A WHITES-ONLY,

IMMIGRANT-BASHING,
JEW-HATING IDEOLOGY.

YOU HEARD THEM,

AND THEIR PERFORMANCES
ARE BEING USED

TO RECRUIT OTHER PEOPLE
TO JOIN IN WITH THE PREJUDICE.

HOW CAN THIS COURT
NOT STEP IN

AND RESCUE THEM?

UH, BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
IS OFTEN ATTRIBUTED

WITH THE QUOTE,

"THOSE WHO WOULD GIVE UP
ESSENTIAL LIBERTY

TO PURCHASE A LITTLE TEMPORARY
SAFETY DESERVE NEITHER."

AND HE CERTAINLY KNEW
WHAT HE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

HE ATE LOTS OF RED MEAT
AND INVENTED THE SWIM FIN.

WHEN OUR CURRENT PRESIDENT,

WHO, BY THE WAY,
HAS INVENTED NOTHING,

SIGNED THE PATRIOT ACT
INTO LAW IN 2001,

NOT A SINGLE MEMBER OF CONGRESS
COULD BE FOUND

WHO HAD READ THE BILL

ALL THE WAY THROUGH.

AND YET, THEY COULDN'T WAIT
TO HAND OVER OUR RIGHTS.

"AL QAEDA'S COMING.
WHERE'S MY PEN?"

ANYTHING TO FEEL SAFE.

LIKE A PARENT WHO DANGLES
CAR KEYS TO DISTRACT A CHILD,

OUR GOVERNMENT WHIPS OUT
NATIONAL SECURITY

TO GRAB OUR ATTENTION WHENEVER
THEY DEEM IT NECESSARY.

AND THAT WHAT OPPOSING COUNSEL
IS DOING HERE,

BUT THIS CASE IS NOT
ABOUT NATIONAL SECURITY.

IT'S ABOUT A FAMILY.

GRANTED, A FAMILY
THAT IS SO FILLED WITH SPITE

AND IGNORANCE
AND SHOCKINGLY UNTUTORED IDEAS

THAT IT BEGGARS
THE IMAGINATION,

BUT STILL, A FAMILY.

AND AS LONG
AS LAUREN AND KATEY

ARE WELL-FED
AND WELL CARED FOR,

A FAMILY THE LAW CANNOT
AND SHOULD NOT TOUCH.

NOW I THINK
WE WOULD ALL AGREE

THAT WE'D PREFER
THESE CHILDREN

TO BE RAISED
IN A DIFFERENT WAY.

CERTAINLY, MRS. TANNER'S SISTER
THINKS SO,

BUT SHE KNOWS LEGALLY
THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE,

SO SHE AND HER LAWYER
ARE WHEELING OUT

OUR LATEST FAVORITE
RIGHTS-SQUASHING MECHANISM--

NATIONAL SECURITY--
AND WHO CAN BLAME THEM?

IT'S ALL THE RAGE.

IF YOU WANT TO LOOK
AT PEOPLE'S BANK RECORDS,

TAP THEIR PHONES,
READ THEIR E-MAILS,

GO AHEAD, DO IT.

JUST SAY IT'S A MATTER
OF NATIONAL SECURITY,

AND NOW WE'RE CLAIMING
THE TANNER FAMILY IS A THREAT.

IF THAT IS THE CASE,
IF THERE IS ANY ACTUAL EVIDENCE

LINKING THEM TO A CRIME,
BY ALL MEANS,

BE MY GUEST,
PLEASE, HAVE AT 'EM.

ARREST THEM,

BUT IF THERE IS NO CAUSE
TO ARREST THEM...

THEN LEAVE THIS FAMILY ALONE.

***

***

WHERE'S MY MOM?
IS SHE ALL RIGHT?

SHE'S IN HERE, STILL ALIVE.

YOU LIED TO ME.

NO, I DIDN'T.

I TOLD YOU YOUR MOM
WAS IN THE HOSPITAL,

AND YOU HAD TO GET DOWN HERE
IMMEDIATELY,

AND SHE IS STILL ALIVE.

ONLY THIS YOUNG WOMAN,
UNFORTUNATELY,

IS NOT DOING QUITE SO WELL.

MS. MURR...

CLAIRE WILSON.

MY DAUGHTER CATHY
HAS COMPLICATIONS

DUE TO ANOREXIA NERVOSA.

CLAIRE...

YOU REALLY THOUGHT THAT THAT
AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL-"O.C." CRAP

WAS GONNA WORK ON ME?
COOKIE?

THAT GIRL HAS
WHAT YOU HAVE.

NO, SHE DOESN'T.

A TRUE PRO-ANA
WOULDN'T FAIL LIKE THAT.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?
CHIPS?

STOP OFFERING ME FOOD.

WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON HERE?

MY MOTHER AND MR. CRANE
ARE TRYING TO SCARE ME

BY SHOWING ME A GIRL
WHO'S DYING.
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, CLAIRE.

CAN'T YOU GET THAT?
YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.

YOU HAD THE NERVE TO CALL
MY CLIENT DOWN HERE

AND SHOW HER THAT
WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE?

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS.
I'LL NOTIFY THE COURT.

I'LL NOTIFY THE BAR.
CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU'VE JUST LOST
YOUR DAUGHTER.

OH, ALAN.

SOFIA, HELLO.

COME IN.

CAN I ASK YOU, UM...

IS DENNY CRANE ANY GOOD?

WHY DO YOU ASK ME THAT?

WELL, HE'S BEEN A BIT
OF A CLOWN IN COURT,

AND HE--HE ORCHESTRATED THIS
RIDICULOUS STUNT AT A HOSPITAL.

AND I-I'M GONNA...

I AM GONNA LOSE MY DAUGHTER.

IS THERE ANY WAY
YOU COULD TAKE OVER?

OOH, THAT WOULD BE--

I'M NOT SURE DENNY CRANE
KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING.

SOFIA...

WHAT'S GOING ON?

SOFIA AND I WERE JUST
DISCUSSING THE CASE, DENNY.

SHE MENTIONED
YOUR CREATIVE STUNT

AT THE HOSPITAL THIS MORNING.
BRILLIANT.

I JUST FINISHED MY CLOSING.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO READ IT?
SURE.

MY OFFICE.

I'M GONNA HAVE
TO HIRE SOMEBODY ELSE.

DON'T DO ANYTHING YET,
SOFIA.

LET ME WORK ON THIS.

THIS IS A SITUATION
THAT TOUCHES

TWO DEEP EMOTIONAL CHORDS
IN ALL OF US--

THE SANCTITY OF THE FAMILY
ON THE ONE HAND,

THE DISTASTE WE FEEL

FOR HATEMONGERING
ON THE OTHER,

BUT THE LAW IS CLEAR.

MR. AND MRS. TANNER MAY BE
QUESTIONABLE AS HUMAN BEINGS,

BUT THEY ARE LOVING PARENTS.

THE PETITIONER'S MOTION
FOR REMOVAL IS DENIED.

(gallery murmurs)

(Katey and Lauren) * MICHAEL,
ROW THE BOAT ASHORE *

* HALLELUJAH

* MICHAEL, ROW--

MICHAEL WAS A GAY JEW
FROM MEXICO.

YOU KNOW THAT, OF COURSE.
LET'S GO, GIRLS.

***

JUST LET ME LEAD,
AND THEN YOU FOLLOW.

I'LL LEAD.
IT'S MY CASE.

I TOOK IT.
SHE TOOK IT.

UNDER MY SUPERVISION
AS PARTNER.

GUYS, YOU'RE BOTH PARTNER.
I'M NOT.

SO WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE
ACTING LIKE AN ADULT?

OKAY, LET ME JUST SAY SOMETHING
BEFORE WE GO IN HERE.

I HAVE TRIED TO HAVE PATIENCE
WITH HIM, BUT I FEEL LIKE

I'M FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE.
YOU EVER WIN
ANY BATTLES, BRAD?

OKAY, LET'S GO IN.

GOOD MORNING. THANK YOU
FOR AGREEING TO SEE US.

I AM DENISE BAUER.
THIS IS BRAD CHASE AND--
I'M JEFFREY COHO.

I KNOW HOW BUSY YOU ARE, SO I
THOUGHT WE'D CUT RIGHT TO IT.
WE REPRESENT A WOMAN

BY THE NAME OF
ANNABELLE CARUTHERS,

WHOSE HUSBAND
WAS REGRETTABLY KILLED

AFTER BEING STRUCK BY LIGHTNING
WHILE TALKING

ON A CELL PHONE MANUFACTURED BY
YOUR CLIENT CYBUS TECHNOLOGIES.

YES, WHY DON'T YOU CUT
RIGHT TO THE PART

WHERE WE SHOULD BE
HELD LIABLE?
CERTAINLY--

YOU SEE, WHEN LIGHTNING STRIKES,
THE HUMAN SKIN OFFERS

SOME PROTECTION,
SIGNIFICANT IN FACT--

WHAT HAPPENS IS ELECTRICITY
IS CONDUCTED OVER THE SKIN

RATHER THAN THROUGH THE BODY.

IT'S A PHENOMENON
KNOWN AS FLASHOVER.

CONDUCTIVE MATERIAL IN DIRECT
CONTACT WITH THE SKIN,

ESPECIALLY SOMETHING METALLIC
SUCH AS A MOBILE PHONE,

CAN NEGATE
THE FLASHOVER EFFECT,

CAUSE THE VOLTAGE TO GO
RIGHT THROUGH THE BODY.

WE'VE BROUGHT THREE STUDIES
THAT SPEAK TO LIABILITY.

AS FOR THE ISSUE
OF FORESEEABILITY,

THERE HAVE BEEN OTHER CASES.

IN AUSTRALIA,
THEY NOW ISSUE WARNINGS.
ENGLAND IS CONSIDERING DOING SO.

THE FACT IS,
USING A CELL PHONE

IN A THUNDERSTORM
IS POTENTIALLY LETHAL--

AND CAN RESULT IN DEATH.

IT RESULTED IN THE DEATH
OF OUR CLIENT'S HUSBAND.

LOOK, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
YOUR EXPERTS. WE'LL HAVE OURS.

BUT IN THE MEANTIME, THE COST
OF NEGATIVE PUBLICITY ALONE--

NOT TO MENTION OF
THE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS

GENERATED
IN CELL PHONE USAGE.

HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS COME FROM
PEOPLE TALKING ON THE OUTSIDE

IN INCLEMENT WEATHER.
YOU DON'T WANT PEOPLE
PUTTING THEIR CELL PHONES AWAY

DURING STORMS, DO YOU?

***

OH, MY GOODNESS.
AAH!

(murmuring indistinctly)

***

YOU SHOULD BOTH BE EMBARRASSED,
FOR GOD'S SAKE.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY
FOR YOURSELF?

I WON.

YOU DID NOT.

OH, SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!
GOD!

OBVIOUSLY,
I HAVE TO KEEP YOU APART,

SINCE YOU LACK THE MATURITY
TO CONDUCT YOURSELVES AS ADULTS.

(door opens)
WE GOT AN OFFER.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
YOU GOT AN OFFER?

$75,000.
IT'S NOT A LOT,

BUT AS FAR AS
A LIGHTNING-BOLT CASE GOES...

TOLD YOU I'D GET SOMETHING.
I GOT IT.

SHUT UP!

***

WHO'S THIS?

I'M ALAN SHORE.

MR. CRANE WAS UNEXPECTEDLY
CALLED TO COURT.

I'M FILLING IN.

I'LL MAKE THIS VERY BRIEF.

WHAT'S THIS?
THIS WOULD BE
AN ARREST WARRANT.

DON'T BE CONCERNED.
THEY WON'T EXECUTE IT

UNLESS I GIVE THEM
THE WORD.

AN ARREST WARRANT FOR WHOM?
YOU.

ME?

YES, MS. WILSON.

IT TURNS OUT YOUR WEB SITE
GIVES OTHER TEENAGERS ADVICE

ON HOW TO ACQUIRE DIET PILLS

WITH OR WITHOUT
A PRESCRIPTION.
THAT'S NOT AGAINST THE LAW.

IT IS IF SHE'S CONTRIBUTING
TO THE DELINQUENCY OF A MINOR.

YOU'VE GOT ALL KINDS
OF LITTLE TIPS IN THERE

THAT COULD EXPOSE YOU TO BOTH
CRIMINAL AND CIVIL LIABILITY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?
I COULD ACTUALLY BE ARRESTED?

I CAN MAKE THIS GO AWAY.
DO NOT WORRY.

YES, YOU CAN CERTAINLY HAVE
YOUR DAY IN COURT,

POSSIBLY PREVAIL,
THOUGH I DOUBT IT.

AND IN THE MEANTIME,
WORD OF YOUR ARREST

WILL UNDOUBTEDLY MAKE IT
TO THE MODELING AGENCIES,

AND THERE GOES
YOUR LIVELIHOOD.

A SCANDALOUS SCANDAL.

AND THEN THE CIVIL LAWSUITS
CAN BEGIN.

WILL YOU BE REPRESENTING HER
FOR FREE IN THOSE, MS. FORD?

AH.

MY SUGGESTION WOULD BE
TO GO TO REHAB

AND GET THE HELP YOU NEED,

BUT I SUPPOSE
YOU COULD GO TO JAIL

AND ADD TWO NEW PHOTOS
TO YOUR PORTFOLIO--

FRONT AND SIDE.

THIS IS SO
PATHETICALLY DESPERATE.

WELL, FINALLY WE AGREE
ON SOMETHING.

I'M DESPERATE.

HOW ABOUT THE LAWYERS LEAVE,

AND YOU CAN HAVE A CONVERSATION
WITH YOUR MOTHER?

***

("Jingle Bell Rock" playing)

* WHOA

* JINGLE BELL, JINGLE BELL

* JINGLE BELL ROCK

* JINGLE BELL SWING

* AND JINGLE BELLS RING

* SNOWIN' AND BLOWIN'

* UP BUSHELS OF FUN

* NOW THE JINGLE HOP

* HAS BEGUN

* JINGLE BELL, JINGLE BELL,
JINGLE BELL ROCK *

* JINGLE BELLS CHIME
IN JINGLE BELL TIME *

* DANCIN' AND PRANCIN'

* IN JINGLE BELL SQUARE

* IN THE FROSTY AIR

* WHAT A BRIGHT TIME

* IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

* TO ROCK THE NIGHT AWAY

* JINGLE BELL TIME

* IS A SWELL TIME

* TO GO GLIDIN'
IN A 1-HORSE SLEIGH *

* GIDDY-UP, JINGLE HORSE,
PICK UP YOUR FEET *

* JINGLE AROUND THE CLOCK...

THIS ISN'T EXACTLY
THE IMAGE I HAD IN MY MIND,

BUT I'M STILL AROUSED.

(chuckles)
I'M GLAD TO HEAR IT.

MAYBE I COULD
THROW MY COSTUME ON,

AND WE COULD GO DO
WHAT RABBITS LIKE TO DO BEST.
DON'T MAKE ME HIT YOU.

HIT ME?

YOU WOULDN'T BE STANDING
UNDER MISTLETOE

UNLESS YOU WANTED
TO KISS ME.

I'M NOT STANDING UNDER...
HEY!

* WHAT A BRIGHT TIME
HEY!

* IT'S THE RIGHT TIME
TO ROCK THE NIGHT AWAY *

MM!

* JINGLE BELL TIME
OKAY!

THE SLOBBER YOU JUST GOT
CAME FROM HIS MOUTH.

MMM, QUITE THE PARTY,
I SEE.

I ASSUME I WAS INVITED.

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.
WHICH IS WHY IT DID.

DANCE, DENNY?

SHE MADE IT SOUND LIKE
I HAVE A CHOICE.

* MIX AND MINGLE
IN A JINGLING BEAT *

THAT LEAVES YOU AND ME.
* THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL

AND HIM.
* THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ROCK

JERRY?
MERRY CHRISTMAS, MY FRIEND.

OH, THANK YOU.

OPEN IT.

OKAY.

I PAINT.

ONE OF MY HOBBIES IS

TO SUPPLANT THE FACES
OF PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT

ON FAMOUS PERSONALITIES
THAT MATCH UP WELL.
I SEE.

OH.

JERRY...

IT'S AMAZING.

WOW.
* WHAT A BRIGHT TIME

YOU LIKE IT?
* IT'S THE RIGHT TIME

I LOVE IT.
* TO ROCK THE NIGHT AWAY

* JINGLE BELL TIME
IS A SWELL TIME *

* TO GO GLIDIN'
IN A 1-HORSE SLEIGH *

* GIDDY-UP, JINGLE HORSE,
PICK UP YOUR FEET *

* JINGLE AROUND THE CLOCK

* MIX AND MINGLE
IN A JINGLING BEAT... *

I GUESS WE SHOULD
WORK THIS OUT.

DOES IT HAVE TO BE TONIGHT?
WELL, IT IS THE SEASON.

PEACE ON EARTH,
GOODWILL TOWARD MEN.
WHAT WAS THAT?

GOODWILL TOWARD MEN?

NO, RIGHT BEFORE THAT.
PEACE ON EARTH?

I KNEW IT.
A LIBERAL.

***

AREN'T YOU COMING OUT
TO JOIN THE PARTY?

MAYBE IN A MINUTE.

WELL, I HAVE SOMEBODY

WHO WANTS TO SAY HELLO
TO YOU.

I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU.

I WAS TOLD
YOU WERE THE ONE

WHO CAME UP WITH THE IDEA
TO SUE THE PHONE COMPANY,

AND $75,000,

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY TO ME.

AND, UM, I JUST WANT
TO THANK YOU.

OKAY.

OKAY.

(whispers) HE'S CUTE.

(chuckles)
YES, HE IS.

* THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL,
THAT'S THE JINGLE BELL ROCK *

YOU PASS THE BAR, CLARENCE?

YES,
BUT I COULD NEVER PRACTICE.

WHY NOT?

I-I COULD NEVER.

I THINK
WE'RE GONNA WORK ON THAT.

(playing
"It Came Upon a Midnight Clear")

* IT CAME UPON

* A MIDNIGHT CLEAR

* THAT GLORIOUS SONG

* OF OLD

* FROM ANGELS BENDING

* NEAR THE EARTH

* TO TOUCH THE...

HANDICAPPED.
EXCUSE ME.

COMING THROUGH.

OUT OF MY WAY!
HANDICAPPED.

* PEACE ON EARTH

* GOODWILL TO MEN

* FROM HEAVEN'S
ALL GRACIOUS KING *

* THE WORLD

* IN SOLEMN

* STILLNESS LAY

* TO HEAR

* THE ANGELS SING

(Alan) WE HAD
OUR FIRST 3-WAY TONIGHT.

I'M NOT SURE THAT SHIRLEY
ENJOYED IT AS MUCH AS WE DID.

MM...

IT WAS FABULOUS FOR ME.

SHE DIDN'T QUITE TASTE THE SAME
AS I REMEMBER.

SHE TASTED MORE LIKE...

ME.
THAT WAS MY SLOBBER, DENNY.

WE FINALLY EXCHANGED
BODILY FLUIDS.

OH.

(chuckles)

BLECH.

DID I TELL YOU
MY CASE WORKED OUT?

SOFIA'S DAUGHTER DECIDED

TO COME HOME AFTER ALL.

FANTASTIC.

GOT A CALL FROM
THE CLERK'S OFFICE

TO COME TO COURT
FOR THE SUMMATIONS.

TURNS OUT IT WAS A MISTAKE.

AND, UH,
BY THE TIME I GOT BACK,

SOFIA WAS ON THE PHONE
WITH THE GOOD NEWS.

WELL, YOU MUST HAVE SOMEHOW
REACHED THE GIRL, DENNY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

OF COURSE,
THE WARRANT DIDN'T HURT.

I MAY MISS A LOT, ALAN,

BUT I DON'T MISS EVERYTHING.

I JUST...

CAME UP WITH THE IDEA,

AND I THOUGHT YOU'D OBJECT TO
ANY KIND OF ASSISTANCE.

SO YOU DECIDED TO KEEP
THE TRUTH FROM ME?

SOFIA CAME TO YOU.

SHE DIDN'T TRUST
THAT I WAS WINNING.

BUT I WAS, ALAN.

I BELIEVE YOU.

I'M NOT SURE YOU DO,

BUT I KNOW YOUR HEART'S
IN THE RIGHT PLACE.

AND HOW CAN I BE MAD
AT ANYONE

WHO CAN GET SHIRLEY
TO DRESS LIKE A RABBIT?

(chuckles)

SHE IS A GODDESS,
ISN'T SHE?

OH, BOY.

("Christmas Time Is Here"
playing)

DENNY, MAYBE FOR CHRISTMAS--

YOU CAN'T HAVE HER.

(children)
* CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE

HOW ABOUT--
NO!

* WE'LL BE DRAWING NEAR

WELL, MERRY CHRISTMAS
JUST THE SAME, MY FRIEND.

MERRY CHRISTMAS.
* OH, THAT WE

* COULD ALWAYS SEE SUCH SPIRIT
THROUGH THE YEAR *

Captioned by
Closed Captioning Services, Inc.