Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,350 --> 00:00:03,230
Katie! It's Sage.
2
00:00:03,230 --> 00:00:06,060
I wanted to see if you'd
volunteer at the Fall Festival.
3
00:00:06,060 --> 00:00:08,900
I've got a five-hour block
on the lunch-lady line.
4
00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:10,770
Sloppy Tofurkey Joes!
5
00:00:10,770 --> 00:00:12,640
How can you say "no" s?
6
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,520
I rhymed.
7
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,560
Call me!
8
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,520
Ooh! The Fall Festival.
9
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:18,770
Delete.
10
00:00:18,770 --> 00:00:20,940
It's not easy avoiding
mandatory volunteering
11
00:00:20,940 --> 00:00:22,600
for an entire school year,
12
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:23,640
but I do it.
13
00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:24,940
I do it for moms everywhere.
14
00:00:24,940 --> 00:00:26,900
We slave away for free
every day.
15
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:29,400
Why should we perform
unpaid labor?
16
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:30,060
Katie!
17
00:00:30,060 --> 00:00:32,730
Just seeing if you can volunteer
for the Winter Festival.
18
00:00:32,730 --> 00:00:33,980
Can't talk...
just swallowed a bug.
19
00:00:33,980 --> 00:00:36,600
Got to run home and get it out
before it lays eggs.
20
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:37,600
Just send a message.
21
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:39,440
But you never return
my messages.
22
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:40,560
Sounds good!
23
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:48,730
Katie? Are you there?
24
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:49,940
The school year's almost over,
25
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:52,810
and you have to complete
your mandatory volunteer hours.
26
00:00:52,810 --> 00:00:54,020
I know you're in there, Katie.
27
00:00:54,020 --> 00:00:55,900
The hood of your car is
hot to the touch,
28
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:57,640
so I can tell you just got home.
29
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,980
Katie, if you don't complete
your hours,
30
00:00:58,980 --> 00:01:00,940
the kids will stop
looking up to us as role models,
31
00:01:00,940 --> 00:01:02,810
and then they'll turn to drugs!
32
00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:05,690
Okay, I just have to stay quiet
for five more minutes.
33
00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:07,230
Then the sprinklers go on.
34
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:15,980
Hey. Listen to the intro
I just wrote for my book.
35
00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:18,520
"Scholars have, for years,
thought they'd squeezed
36
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:20,020
all they could out of
Elizabethan philosophy"...
37
00:01:20,020 --> 00:01:21,810
Greg, does this ever
work out well for us,
38
00:01:21,810 --> 00:01:23,640
when you read me
smart things you wrote?
39
00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:25,690
Sometimes, in order to avoid it,
you sleep with me.
40
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:26,810
So yes.
41
00:01:26,810 --> 00:01:28,060
Didn't you just do laundry?
42
00:01:28,060 --> 00:01:30,810
What you don't understand is,
I'm always doing laundry.
43
00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:32,520
Except for
when I'm doing dishes,
44
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,560
which is ceramic laundry.
45
00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:36,350
But I'm actually
giving these clothes away
46
00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:37,440
to needy children.
47
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,100
Aww.
48
00:01:39,690 --> 00:01:41,940
Oliver wore this
at his first birthday party.
49
00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:44,520
Back when he didn't mind that we
bought his clothes from Costco.
50
00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:47,560
Angela got suckered in
to volunteering
51
00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:48,770
for the children's
clothing drive.
52
00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:51,640
Sage cornered her because
Angela's not as sneaky as me.
53
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,480
I'm just gonna save this.
54
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,690
You never know.
55
00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:56,730
If you are talking
about having more kids,
56
00:01:56,730 --> 00:01:57,730
I do know.
57
00:01:57,730 --> 00:01:58,900
I am one year away
58
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:01,520
from Taylor being able
to drive everybody to school.
59
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:02,900
That's called retirement, man!
60
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:05,600
I don't know. It'd be nice
for there to be six of us.
61
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,900
You know, so we can fill
the toboggan at Splash Mountain.
62
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,560
Not have some creepy stranger
ruining our picture.
63
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,770
Great reason
to have a baby, Greg.
64
00:02:11,770 --> 00:02:13,850
Don't you miss having
a little one around the house?
65
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:17,060
That baby smell
and those little socks?
66
00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:20,400
And that look they give you
when they take their first steps
67
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,520
and fall into your arms?
68
00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:22,600
Yeah.
69
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,310
And they always say "Mama"
before they say "Dada."
70
00:02:25,310 --> 00:02:26,400
That is true.
71
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,640
Hey, can you two knock it off?
72
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,600
And then they learn to talk,
and it all goes to hell.
73
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,480
I'm upstairs,
going over my ballet routine,
74
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:34,440
and all I hear
is you two blathering away.
75
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:35,560
Hey!
No "Hey"!
76
00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:37,690
My recital is coming up,
and if I don't do well,
77
00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:38,900
I don't advance
to the next level.
78
00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:40,810
And then my plan
to get a ballet scholarship
79
00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:43,310
into Harvard is over...
over!
80
00:02:43,310 --> 00:02:44,640
Wow.
You are one angry...
81
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,600
whatever a male ballet dancer
is called.
82
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,600
"Ballerino."
83
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,690
That can't be it.
84
00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:49,980
I have to work harder
than the other kids
85
00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:52,020
because they started
much earlier than I did...
86
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:55,350
because their parents
wanted them to succeed in life.
87
00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:56,520
Okay.
88
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,940
I know you're under a lot
of pressure with this recital,
89
00:02:58,940 --> 00:03:00,810
but if you ever talk to us
that way again,
90
00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:01,900
you're gonna go to Harvard,
91
00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:05,140
but as a cadaver
in their medical program.
92
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,520
Mother/daughter selfie!
93
00:03:11,730 --> 00:03:13,480
Are you posting that
on Instagram?
94
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,310
Of course. Why else
would you take a picture?
95
00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:16,230
Mm.
96
00:03:17,350 --> 00:03:20,230
I forget how photogenic I am.
97
00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:21,350
It's unreal.
98
00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:23,520
You guys ready for school?
99
00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:24,560
Yes.
100
00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:25,560
Did you make your bed,
like I said?
101
00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:26,730
No.
I did.
102
00:03:26,730 --> 00:03:29,230
Did you put your homework
in your backpack, like I said?
103
00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:30,400
No.
I did.
104
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:31,520
That's why you're my favorite.
105
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,230
Now, you two,
go upstairs and do what I said.
106
00:03:36,770 --> 00:03:38,560
Did you brush your teeth?
Yes!
107
00:03:38,560 --> 00:03:41,140
No, you didn't.
Anna-Kat, watch 'em.
108
00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:46,060
Whew!
109
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,520
Oh, look...
the Chosen One has decided
110
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:51,690
to grace us with
her presence. Huh?
111
00:03:51,690 --> 00:03:53,270
It's bad enough
you're the favorite.
112
00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:54,690
Don't pretend to be humble, too.
113
00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:56,440
Mom likes us all the same.
114
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,400
If she could only save one of us
in a flood, it'd be you.
115
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,020
She'd let us drown
like sewer rats.
116
00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:05,060
Hey.
117
00:04:05,060 --> 00:04:07,690
I don't want you guys
to be mad at me.
118
00:04:07,690 --> 00:04:10,270
I won't be Mama's favorite
anymore.
119
00:04:10,270 --> 00:04:11,560
Too late.
120
00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:14,230
You'll always be her favorite,
and there's nothing you can do.
121
00:04:14,230 --> 00:04:15,190
That's not true.
122
00:04:15,190 --> 00:04:15,850
When I'm done,
123
00:04:15,850 --> 00:04:19,190
Mama will hate me
just as much as she hates you.
124
00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:22,770
Oh. Thanks.
125
00:04:22,770 --> 00:04:24,810
This mandatory volunteering
is the worst.
126
00:04:24,810 --> 00:04:27,600
Is it even legal,
forcing people to volunteer?
127
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,640
I think they rely
mostly on people's shame,
128
00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,810
which is why they've had
such a hard time with you.
129
00:04:31,810 --> 00:04:33,640
Well, I just have
three weeks left.
130
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,600
I can't believe
you let Sage catch you.
131
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,400
She was lying in wait for me
at the bottom
132
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,560
of the rock-climbing wall
at the gym.
133
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,020
You're giving
Mr. Horsey away?
134
00:04:40,020 --> 00:04:40,810
Mm-hmm.
135
00:04:40,810 --> 00:04:41,730
What if we need him?
136
00:04:41,730 --> 00:04:43,520
For what, Greg...
so that your old treadmill
137
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,400
has a buddy to talk to
in the garage?
138
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,230
I'm just saying...
you never know.
139
00:04:47,230 --> 00:04:49,020
Ohhh!
140
00:04:49,020 --> 00:04:49,900
No "Ohhh."
141
00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:51,560
And stop saying that.
142
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,730
The baby factory is shut down,
143
00:04:53,730 --> 00:04:55,480
despite the fact
that there's still tours
144
00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,270
on weekends and anniversaries.
145
00:04:58,310 --> 00:05:00,230
What in the world is that?
146
00:05:00,230 --> 00:05:01,100
This?
147
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,770
Oh. This is
Celeste's old empathy belly.
148
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:05,480
When I was pregnant
with our kids,
149
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:06,560
she wore this fake baby bump
150
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:08,400
so she could feel pregnant
along with me.
151
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,230
Does it make your feet swell
152
00:05:09,230 --> 00:05:11,190
and have you pee down your leg
a little bit all the time?
153
00:05:11,190 --> 00:05:13,480
No, but if you turn it around,
it makes your butt
154
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,440
really popular
with a specific audience.
155
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,310
I'm gonna wear this
to Second Breakfast.
156
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,310
I can't wait to see
the look on Doris' face.
157
00:05:19,310 --> 00:05:21,980
Yeah, Doris' shocked face
is the best.
158
00:05:24,190 --> 00:05:25,850
What the...
159
00:05:26,270 --> 00:05:29,060
Oh, my God.
That is hilarious!
160
00:05:29,770 --> 00:05:33,230
I am committing to this...
and eating a large breakfast.
161
00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:35,520
Can you even imagine
if this was real?
162
00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:36,640
You'd come in
with your diaper bag
163
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,520
and try to breast-feed
your baby.
164
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:39,600
I'd spend all breakfast
165
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,190
trying not to sneak a peek
at those giant fun bags.
166
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,440
Don't worry... I'm done.
I'm finished with having babies.
167
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,600
Because the problem with babies
is, they become kids,
168
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,440
and kids always need
something from you
169
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:51,560
when you're watching TV.
170
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,520
I can't believe
Greg wants another one.
171
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,520
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
172
00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,480
Greg hasn't had a
vasectomy? Nope.
173
00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:58,440
You mean, you haven't had him...
174
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:01,400
Can't do that. His nads are
my Dead Katie Insurance.
175
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,480
Is she making sense,
176
00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:05,020
or did my edible from last night
not wear off yet?
177
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,400
Okay, If I suddenly die,
178
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:08,310
Greg is gonna need
to marry someone
179
00:06:08,310 --> 00:06:09,690
to help him raise
our idiot kids.
180
00:06:09,690 --> 00:06:12,480
And no halfway-decent woman
is going to sign on for that
181
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,600
unless she can have
her own baby with him.
182
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,560
Mm. I'm looking for the flaw
in that logic.
183
00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:20,060
But I can't find it.
Well done.
184
00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:21,230
Uh-oh. Incoming.
185
00:06:21,230 --> 00:06:23,230
Sage rounding up
more volunteers.
186
00:06:23,230 --> 00:06:24,400
Oh, God.
187
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,520
Katie!
188
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:27,480
Gotcha!
189
00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,640
Did you hear Sage, Katie?
She gotcha.
190
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,310
Sage, have you been getting
my messages?
191
00:06:33,310 --> 00:06:34,560
Let's not do that, Katie.
192
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,480
I need someone to help
the school nurse
193
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,230
return the medications
to the kids
194
00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:39,350
the last week of school...
195
00:06:39,350 --> 00:06:43,190
EpiPens, inhalers,
ADD meds, ADHD pills...
196
00:06:43,190 --> 00:06:44,230
Ooh, I'll do it.
197
00:06:44,230 --> 00:06:46,980
All pills are
logged and accounted for, Doris.
198
00:06:46,980 --> 00:06:48,020
Then, I'm busy.
199
00:06:48,020 --> 00:06:49,190
I'm putting your name down.
200
00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:50,520
You have to arrive at school
at 7:00 a.m...
201
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:53,400
Hold that thought! I think I see
the Latin guy from "CHiPs."
202
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,980
Oh, my God, Katie!
You're pregnant!
203
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:57,350
Oh! No.
204
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:58,440
I'm not really...
205
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,310
I mean, I thought you might be,
206
00:07:00,310 --> 00:07:01,560
but I didn't want to say
anything.
207
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,480
Oh, really? Well,
just so you know, Sage...
208
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:06,400
You can't be working in the
nurse's office when you're pregnant.
209
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,350
That's basically as dangerous
as vaccinating your children.
210
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:13,690
I'll just mark your
volunteer hours as "complete."
211
00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:17,980
Me and my unborn child...
212
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,140
thank you.
213
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,440
Why are you still wearing
that ridiculous thing?
214
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,190
Sage let me out
of my volunteer hours,
215
00:07:30,190 --> 00:07:31,600
an old lady let me cut in line
at Trader Joe's.
216
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:35,060
And no one complained
when I took double samples.
217
00:07:35,060 --> 00:07:37,400
Being fake pregnant is the best!
218
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:39,140
Wait... you got out
of your volunteer hours
219
00:07:39,140 --> 00:07:40,310
because Sage thinks
you're pregnant?
220
00:07:40,310 --> 00:07:41,310
Amazing, right?
221
00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:42,350
Because, really,
222
00:07:42,350 --> 00:07:44,480
these volunteer hours
are a war on women.
223
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,230
There seem to be
a lot of wars on women
224
00:07:46,230 --> 00:07:47,480
when you don't want
to do something.
225
00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,480
All I have to do
is ride out this pregnancy
226
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:51,230
till the end of the school year,
227
00:07:51,230 --> 00:07:52,440
and then people will forget
all about it.
228
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,230
Forget all about
your missing baby?
229
00:07:54,230 --> 00:07:55,140
Yeah.
230
00:07:55,140 --> 00:07:56,600
You are out of your mind.
231
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,310
Don't worry. I'm gonna do the
"I Love Lucy" cheese-baby trick.
232
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:01,270
I'm not familiar with that,
but it doesn't s...
233
00:08:01,270 --> 00:08:03,400
Lucy carried a fake baby
made of cheese
234
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,560
to get a seat on an airplane,
235
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,480
but then ate the whole
cheese baby on the flight.
236
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,140
When the woman asked,
"Where's the baby?"
237
00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:09,190
she was like,
"What baby?"
238
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:10,400
I'll just do that.
239
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,190
Wouldn't it make more sense
for you to say
240
00:08:12,190 --> 00:08:13,350
you're a surrogate or something?
241
00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:15,060
Katie. No. Katie...
242
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:17,140
Surrogate!
That's perfect.
243
00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:18,440
Love being married to a genius.
244
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:19,560
Now, can you go get the kids?
245
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,230
I can't because sometimes,
Sage volunteers at pickup,
246
00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:25,440
and I'm dying
to take this thing off.
247
00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,640
I can't.
I'm working on my book.
248
00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,020
Okay. Fine.
249
00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:33,400
You say you want another kid,
but here you are,
250
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:36,230
sending your wife out
on errands,
251
00:08:36,230 --> 00:08:38,020
eight months pretend pregnant.
252
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:52,100
Mom, we've got to move.
I can't be late for ballet.
253
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:53,190
Today is our dress rehearsal.
254
00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:54,440
I need to work
on my grand jetés!
255
00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:56,520
Bring it down, "Black Swan."
I'll get you there.
256
00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:58,980
Why can't you be nice,
like your big sister?
257
00:08:58,980 --> 00:09:00,060
I am nice.
258
00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:01,230
Oh, please!
You think she's nice
259
00:09:01,230 --> 00:09:03,060
because she made
a fake Instagram account.
260
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:04,480
Shut up!
Fake what?
261
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,270
Don't listen to him, Mom.
He's just a jerk.
262
00:09:06,270 --> 00:09:07,850
I am a jerk.
263
00:09:07,850 --> 00:09:08,560
And I bask in it.
264
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,230
I'm keeping your phone until
there's a full investigation.
265
00:09:11,230 --> 00:09:12,310
You can't take my phone away!
266
00:09:12,310 --> 00:09:13,900
It's not the end of the world.
267
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:15,060
Yes, it is!
268
00:09:15,060 --> 00:09:16,270
How would you feel
if you were my age
269
00:09:16,270 --> 00:09:18,100
and I took away
your poodle skirt?
270
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:19,980
How old do you think I am?
271
00:09:21,100 --> 00:09:22,940
Anna-Kat! Come on!
We're late!
272
00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:24,560
I don't answer to you!
273
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,020
What's gotten into her?
274
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:28,350
Oliver, go get Anna-Kat.
275
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:30,020
I can't get out of the car.
276
00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:31,190
I can't risk twisting my ankle
277
00:09:31,190 --> 00:09:32,940
this close
to my big performance.
278
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:34,020
Are you serious?
279
00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:36,060
Fine. Taylor,
go get your sister.
280
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:38,100
Oh, I would, Mom,
but I might get lost,
281
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:39,940
and I don't have a phone
to call for help.
282
00:09:39,940 --> 00:09:41,140
15 is such a bad age.
283
00:09:41,140 --> 00:09:42,520
Back in the day,
we would've married you off
284
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,810
and gotten a couple of goats
in the bargain.
285
00:09:52,310 --> 00:09:54,230
What is going on
with you, angel?
286
00:09:54,230 --> 00:09:55,440
I'm not an angel!
287
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,140
I don't have time for this.
Anna-Kat, get in the car.
288
00:09:58,140 --> 00:09:59,810
Right now.
289
00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:03,190
Katie?!
290
00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:05,020
You're pregnant?
291
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,020
Uhhh...
292
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:07,980
looks like it.
293
00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,060
Well, it must be a girl,
294
00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:11,900
'cause you're carrying it
all over your body.
295
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,140
A baby?!
296
00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:14,810
Why didn't you tell us?
297
00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:16,310
Well, because...
298
00:10:16,310 --> 00:10:19,270
I wanted to keep it a secret
from everyone.
299
00:10:19,270 --> 00:10:21,770
Since I'm a surrogate.
300
00:10:21,770 --> 00:10:22,900
You're a surrogate?!
301
00:10:22,900 --> 00:10:24,060
Yes, I am.
302
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:26,900
For a very brave woman
who lost her ovaries...
303
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:27,940
in the war.
304
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:29,100
It was like "Pow!"
305
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:31,980
And I didn't want to brag
or let anyone know
306
00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:34,140
how good a person I really am.
307
00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:35,140
Oh.
308
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:37,190
I am so happy for you!
309
00:10:38,140 --> 00:10:40,310
Oh, and that brave soldier.
310
00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,730
I think I'm gonna cry!
311
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:43,440
Ohh!
312
00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:46,440
I actually feel a little bad
about tricking Suzanne.
313
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,350
I don't know how,
but she's grown on me.
314
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:51,350
But it's balanced out
by the enjoyment I get
315
00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:54,640
from making Tara Summers think
I'm a good person.
316
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:55,810
Ha ha!
317
00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:11,940
Stupid thing!
318
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,810
Doesn't fit!
319
00:11:23,980 --> 00:11:25,310
This is
her real account, Greg.
320
00:11:25,310 --> 00:11:27,100
She has a fake one for us
321
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,310
and a real one
for who knows who.
322
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:30,100
Where did she even get
those shirts?
323
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,350
We never bought her
anything that skimpy.
324
00:11:31,350 --> 00:11:33,850
She used scissors to cut
the perfectly nice shirts
325
00:11:33,850 --> 00:11:35,980
that we got her from Old Navy.
326
00:11:35,980 --> 00:11:37,770
Isn't that Anna-Kat's shirt?
327
00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:38,810
Oh, she's dead.
328
00:11:38,810 --> 00:11:42,190
Hey, little troublemaker!
Come in here right now!
329
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:43,980
Don't do that thing
where you're too nice.
330
00:11:43,980 --> 00:11:45,400
I won't. Watch.
331
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,850
We are so disappointed in you.
You lied to us.
332
00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:49,850
See?
Mm-hmm.
333
00:11:49,850 --> 00:11:50,940
I never lied.
334
00:11:50,940 --> 00:11:52,900
I just didn't tell you
about the other account.
335
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:53,940
And it's not a big deal.
336
00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:55,230
All the other kids at school
do it.
337
00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:57,060
I just wanted a little privacy.
338
00:11:57,060 --> 00:11:59,690
Privacy?!
You have 900 followers!
339
00:11:59,690 --> 00:12:00,810
Only 900?!
340
00:12:00,810 --> 00:12:01,980
I'm already being unfollowed!
341
00:12:01,980 --> 00:12:03,140
Okay, we're gonna go
to your room,
342
00:12:03,140 --> 00:12:04,350
and we're gonna throw away
anything
343
00:12:04,350 --> 00:12:06,770
that an Amish teen
would not be allowed to wear.
344
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:08,020
To church.
Come on!
345
00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:09,730
Go on, now.
346
00:12:11,900 --> 00:12:13,020
Anna-Kat, what are you doing?
347
00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:14,600
Drawing on the wall.
348
00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:16,980
That won't come out.
349
00:12:16,980 --> 00:12:19,100
I know. It's Sharpie.
350
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,940
I guess I'm not your favorite
anymore.
351
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,140
I'm not saying that,
352
00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:25,690
but I don't want you to do
anything like that ever again.
353
00:12:25,690 --> 00:12:26,730
Ever!
354
00:12:28,810 --> 00:12:30,770
Told ya...
still her favorite.
355
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:34,810
Don't be mad at me
because you're not cute anymore.
356
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:40,100
She what?
357
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,230
Suzanne is insisting
on throwing you a baby shower.
358
00:12:42,230 --> 00:12:44,980
Did you tell her
that was totally unnecessary?
359
00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:47,140
Mm-hmm. She wouldn't take "No"
for an answer.
360
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,020
Ugh.
361
00:12:48,020 --> 00:12:50,100
Snack's ready!
362
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,940
Hey, why didn't you guys
plan a shower for me?
363
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:54,810
You're not pregnant!
Because it's a fake baby!
364
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,730
Are you two here
to tell her she's crazy
365
00:12:57,730 --> 00:12:58,810
for this fake-baby stuff?
366
00:12:58,810 --> 00:12:59,850
It's not crazy.
367
00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:01,100
You kids look
at the small picture.
368
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,230
Us adults look
at the big picture.
369
00:13:03,230 --> 00:13:06,770
And the big picture is
you faking being pregnant
370
00:13:06,770 --> 00:13:08,100
to get out of volunteer hours?
371
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,980
I'm the adult, you're the child.
372
00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:11,850
You don't get to judge
my questionable judgment.
373
00:13:11,850 --> 00:13:13,310
Now, eat your sandwiches.
374
00:13:13,310 --> 00:13:15,980
I'm on a hunger strike
until I get my phone back.
375
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:18,850
What is this...
peanut butter and jelly?!
376
00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:20,060
It's going straight to my hips.
377
00:13:20,060 --> 00:13:22,600
Do you want me
to end up at Cornell?
378
00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:23,770
Is that what you want?
379
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:24,730
Ow!
380
00:13:24,730 --> 00:13:25,810
Now go to your room!
381
00:13:25,810 --> 00:13:27,850
You're not my mother... Ow!
382
00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:28,900
All right. I'm going.
383
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,020
You bet you're going.
384
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:32,020
She should not
be around children.
385
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,230
I pinch with these two fingers.
Leaves no marks.
386
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:37,730
Your kids are either going to be
C.E.O.s or serial killers.
387
00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:39,730
I am willing
to take that gamble.
388
00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:45,900
Ooh! Unh-unh!
389
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,850
Real pregnant women
only drink in private, Katie.
390
00:13:47,850 --> 00:13:49,230
This is the best thing ever.
391
00:13:49,230 --> 00:13:52,100
They're throwing a shower
for a hunk of memory foam.
392
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:55,190
Katie, I have to say...
393
00:13:55,190 --> 00:13:56,900
I have a whole new respect
for you.
394
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:57,850
Go on.
395
00:13:57,850 --> 00:13:59,850
What you're doing is
so selfless.
396
00:13:59,850 --> 00:14:01,020
It's a side of you that,
397
00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:03,020
to be honest,
I didn't think existed.
398
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:05,810
Well, that's what you get
for judging people.
399
00:14:05,810 --> 00:14:08,060
Me... I don't judge.
400
00:14:08,060 --> 00:14:11,770
I love with
an open and honest heart.
401
00:14:11,770 --> 00:14:12,850
Oh.
402
00:14:12,850 --> 00:14:14,770
Just felt a kick.
403
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,100
May I touch your belly?
404
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,980
Ow! Oh, I'm sorry.
405
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:21,900
It's just that I'm a surrogate
and it's not my baby.
406
00:14:21,900 --> 00:14:24,730
I would let you,
but legally, I'm not allowed.
407
00:14:24,730 --> 00:14:26,690
You remember
the famous Supreme Court case
408
00:14:26,690 --> 00:14:27,940
Dinty vs. Moore?
409
00:14:27,940 --> 00:14:30,850
Oh, yes, I read
about that. Mm-hmm.
410
00:14:30,850 --> 00:14:34,060
Katie, I'm so happy
to be doing this for you.
411
00:14:34,060 --> 00:14:36,980
I felt like when we first met,
it took us a while to click,
412
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:38,940
but now we're clicking!
413
00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:41,020
Actually, Suzanne,
I feel the exact same way.
414
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:43,140
Thank you so much for this party
415
00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:46,480
and for letting me bring
little Anna-Kat.
416
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:47,690
Oh, of course.
417
00:14:47,690 --> 00:14:49,640
She is such a cutie.
418
00:14:49,640 --> 00:14:50,690
She is, isn't she?
419
00:14:50,690 --> 00:14:52,020
She's my...
420
00:14:52,020 --> 00:14:54,730
Stop it!
I am not your favorite!
421
00:14:54,730 --> 00:14:56,810
And this isn't a baby!
422
00:15:02,850 --> 00:15:04,980
Well...
423
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:06,810
I guess I'm just gonna...
424
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,020
Uh... yeah.
425
00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:20,020
You see,
this is... really funny.
426
00:15:20,020 --> 00:15:22,100
I don't see anything
remotely funny
427
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,770
about pretending to be pregnant.
428
00:15:23,770 --> 00:15:24,850
Of course you wouldn't, Tara.
429
00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:26,020
I mean,
everyone with a sense of humor
430
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:27,640
would see that this is funny.
431
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:28,850
Right?
432
00:15:28,850 --> 00:15:30,850
Katie, why would you do
something like this?
433
00:15:30,850 --> 00:15:32,980
I didn't do it to hurt anybody.
434
00:15:32,980 --> 00:15:35,940
I just did it to get out of
mandatory volunteer hours.
435
00:15:35,940 --> 00:15:39,270
We all hate volunteering.
436
00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:40,900
I don't.
437
00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:42,770
Well, Sage,
you're an unusual woman.
438
00:15:42,770 --> 00:15:43,900
Seriously, Katie.
439
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:46,060
You didn't have to let me
throw you a baby shower.
440
00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:48,560
Yeah, but when do we all have
the chance to get together?
441
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,440
When we volunteer at school.
442
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:51,560
Right.
443
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:52,770
I think it's best if you go.
444
00:15:52,770 --> 00:15:54,440
Suzanne!
445
00:15:57,770 --> 00:15:59,560
Okay.
446
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:01,230
I understand.
447
00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:04,640
Angela and Doris, see if you can
bring the presents to the car.
448
00:16:05,940 --> 00:16:07,940
Why did you do that, Anna-Kat?
449
00:16:07,940 --> 00:16:09,190
I was finally
making some progress
450
00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:11,900
with the ladies in this town,
and now I'm back to square one.
451
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:13,810
I don't want
to be your favorite anymore.
452
00:16:13,810 --> 00:16:15,600
What? Why not?
453
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:16,940
'Cause it makes
Taylor and Oliver mad,
454
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,640
and then they're not nice to me.
455
00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:19,900
So I did things
to make you upset,
456
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,190
and nothing worked.
457
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:25,190
So I lifted your shirt, hoping
you wouldn't like me anymore.
458
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,730
Sweetpea...
I will always like you.
459
00:16:28,730 --> 00:16:30,690
I will always love you.
460
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,690
But if I put you in a bad spot
461
00:16:32,690 --> 00:16:35,350
with your brother and sister...
462
00:16:35,350 --> 00:16:36,730
I'm sorry.
463
00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,520
And I won't do it anymore.
464
00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,690
You promise?
465
00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:41,980
I promise.
466
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:44,520
No more favorites
in this family.
467
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:46,440
I'm treating you all equally.
468
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:47,440
Thanks, Mama!
469
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:48,600
Of course!
470
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,690
Anything for my fav...
471
00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:52,310
Anything for you.
472
00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,020
Mom!
I need my phone back!
473
00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:00,940
No!
474
00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:02,690
Where are my tights?
I can't find my tights!
475
00:17:02,690 --> 00:17:04,600
They're in the bathroom.
I just looked in there!
476
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,690
They're on the shower rod.
477
00:17:05,690 --> 00:17:07,140
Mom, if I don't continue
my Snapchat streaks,
478
00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:09,690
I'm no different than the girl
with the striped tube socks
479
00:17:09,690 --> 00:17:10,810
who reads books at lunch!
480
00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:12,440
Do you want that
for a daughter?!
481
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:13,480
Is she available?!
482
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:14,770
You're so unfair!
483
00:17:14,770 --> 00:17:17,600
I'd try to help you, but I'm not
her favorite anymore.
484
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,690
Shut up, or I will lock you
in the basement.
485
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:20,640
Not the basement!
486
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:21,690
Taylor, don't say that!
487
00:17:21,690 --> 00:17:22,730
You know she's afraid
of the basement!
488
00:17:22,730 --> 00:17:23,900
Duh! That's why
I'm saying it!
489
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:26,600
How many times do I need
to tell you... don't "Duh" me!
490
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:27,730
Talk to your children!
About what?
491
00:17:27,730 --> 00:17:29,060
Do I have to figure out
everything around here?!
492
00:17:29,060 --> 00:17:30,730
I don't know what's
happening!
493
00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:32,020
My tights are damp!
My tights are damp!
494
00:17:32,020 --> 00:17:33,980
Just put them on wet. They'll be
dry by the time we get there.
495
00:17:33,980 --> 00:17:35,900
You don't know that!
I know everything!
496
00:17:35,900 --> 00:17:38,520
Now, everybody!
Get in the car!
497
00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:42,350
What's this doing here?
498
00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:44,770
I got it back from Angela,
because, you know...
499
00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:46,690
Don't say
"You never know."
500
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:49,020
I know. The kids know.
Even Mr. Horsey knows, Greg.
501
00:17:49,020 --> 00:17:51,600
How are you not smarter
than Mr. Horsey?
502
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,560
Why are we even here?
503
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:05,900
We're supporting your brother.
504
00:18:05,900 --> 00:18:06,940
I want to go home.
505
00:18:06,940 --> 00:18:08,100
We all want to go home.
506
00:18:08,100 --> 00:18:10,730
Everybody in this place
wishes they were at home.
507
00:18:10,730 --> 00:18:12,480
They're just too polite
to show it.
508
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,100
Maybe they just like children.
509
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,600
I don't understand why you don't
even want to talk about it.
510
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:18,440
If this last couple of days
has taught me anything,
511
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,560
it's that I'm done.
512
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:22,520
Which means...
we are done.
513
00:18:50,560 --> 00:18:52,600
What is this?
514
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:56,270
Well, it's beginning ballet.
Who else is gonna take it?
515
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,940
This is the cutest thing
that I have ever seen.
516
00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:32,690
Some days, as a mom,
everything goes wrong,
517
00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,770
and you just can't take
another second.
518
00:19:34,770 --> 00:19:37,770
But all it takes
is one good moment
519
00:19:37,770 --> 00:19:41,400
to erase
the 10 million crappy ones.
520
00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:49,520
Maybe.
521
00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:01,230
- Three cameras and mark!
- Uh-huh!
522
00:20:02,480 --> 00:20:03,850
And I thought of a title...
"John Stuart Mill
523
00:20:03,850 --> 00:20:05,770
and the Consequences
of a Thoroughgoing"...
524
00:20:05,770 --> 00:20:06,770
Mm.
525
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:07,770
Amazing!
526
00:20:07,770 --> 00:20:09,690
And I thought of a title...
"John Stuart Mill
527
00:20:09,690 --> 00:20:11,560
and the Consequences
of a Long-Term"...
528
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,310
Okay.
Amazing!
529
00:20:14,640 --> 00:20:16,730
Spoken like a man...
530
00:20:16,730 --> 00:20:19,230
who came across the ocean...
531
00:20:22,730 --> 00:20:23,600
Help!
532
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,060
Cut!
533
00:20:28,440 --> 00:20:31,100
You want me to go in
sooner, honey?
534
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:31,810
We are trying
535
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:34,230
to celebrate Valentine's Day
over here...
536
00:20:34,230 --> 00:20:35,310
I am so mean.
537
00:20:35,310 --> 00:20:36,560
Am I too mean?
538
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,140
Still rolling.
539
00:20:38,850 --> 00:20:42,440
Greg, have you ever thought that
maybe you're just being mean?
540
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,730
I don't know how to get down.
541
00:20:46,730 --> 00:20:47,690
What was he talking about?
542
00:20:47,690 --> 00:20:50,350
Why does Don think
that we have... um...
543
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:51,900
What was he talking about?
Why does Don...
544
00:20:51,900 --> 00:20:54,400
What was he talking about?
What exactly does...
545
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,060
Why does...
Why exactly...
39160
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Uighur
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof