All language subtitles for Bewitched.S05E07.Samanthas.French.Pastry.Imprint.1080p.BluRay.FLAC2.0.H.264-BTN_track5_[eng]

Hey, very elegant.

Thank you.

All this trouble
just for Larry and Louise?

Uh-huh.
Old Chinese proverb say,

"It never hurt to impress boss."

Who said that? Confucius?

No, Charlie Chan.

Now, while you fix me a drink, I
will take my cake out of the oven.

One angel food cake
coming up.

I think your angel food cake
went to the devil.

Uncle Arthur, what are
you doing in there?

I popped in to say hi
and found your cake

flatter than a pancake.

Thanks to you.

You stepped on it.

I did not.

My feet weren't even in there.

Shall I, uh, tell a few jokes?

What for?

To get a rise out of it.

Shh!

Oh, sorry.

When you cast your spell,
you probably faced west...

when you should have
faced "yeast."

Get it?
"Faced yeast."

I, uh... I really
break you up, don't I?

Oh, Uncle Arthur, it isn't
that I'm not glad to see you.

It's just that
we're having company.

So, uh, why don't you
pop in tomorrow...

after Darrin's
gone to the office,

and we can have a little chat?

Not before I whip you up
a new dessert.

Never mind the dessert.

You've said hi, now bye.

Oh, no,
not an angel food cake.

That's so cafeteria.

Let's see.

How's the cake?

Didn't pan out.

It fell a little.

French pastry. Perfect.
Something special.

I'll make
a delicious napoleon.

Bonsoir, mes Amis
and Vive la France.

A scrumptious napoleon now
gets a chance... uh, chance.

Hi there.

[French accent] Where am I?

I demand to know, where am I?

Why I am here?

Uncle Arthur, I'm a little surprised
to see that you're still here.

If you want a real surprise,

turn around.

Uncle Arthur,
what have you done?

I thought I'd whip
up a little napoleon,

and I got a big one.

I'm too much.

Yes, I am.

Um, Mr. Napoléon,

I'm afraid there's been
a slight mistake.

Can I help you?

No, sweetheart,
go away.

Go, go away. There's been
a slight mistake.

It's partially my fault.

Uncle Arthur,
it's peachy to see you,

but Samantha and I
are expecting guests.

So, if you don't mind...

Who... is... he?

Guess.

He looks like Napoléon.

I am Napoléon.

Can't fool you, can we?

Arthur, is this one
of your practical jokes?

If it were a joke,
I'd be laughing.

May I say something?

You keep out of this.

Samantha, you're not
going to tell me...

that this man is actually
Napoléon Bonaparte?

Okay...
I won't tell you.

But he is.

Well, make up your mind,
do you want to know or not?

I demand to be heard.

Quiet.

I can't believe it.

Yeah, it is kinda hard,
isn't it?

What is he doing here?

He's our dessert?

Sam!

Well?

Shall we, uh, call you
Monsieur Bonaparte

or just plain old Napoléon?

Call me Emperor.

Not too friendly, are we?

I don't believe it.

In our living room,
in person,

sits Napoléon Bonaparte.

Hmm. Yeah.

You're the only living
human being who can say

he's had Napoléon Bonaparte
as a guest in his house.

It's ironic.

Ironic?

Yes. Who can you say it to?

I, uh, thought a little humor
might humor you.

Sam, how did it happen?

Well, it's, um,
sort of technical.

Well, when a witch or a warlock

casts a spell
involving an object,

in this case
a French pastry,

the name of which
may also be used

to identify a human being,

the kinetic vibrations

run the risk of zonking across
the atmospheric continuum.

And the ectoplasmic
manifestations

which might not
ordinarily occur...

Sam. Sam.

Yes, dear?

I'm sorry I asked.

Just go inside
and get rid of him.

Yes, dear. I'll try.

You stay here.

Ah, I'll go with you.

As your biggest fan,
I wanna watch.

But if, uh...
Go.

Mr. Bonaparte...

He wants to be called Emperor.

Fine. Emperor,

I'm afraid we're going
to have to send you away.

I refuse to be sent anywhere
unless I know where am I.

I brought you here.

I'm a warlock,
and my niece is a witch.

Now, Uncle Arthur, please,

no need to give away
the family secrets.

Sam, will you please hurry up and
send him back where he came from?

Sweetheart, I can't reverse
Uncle Arthur's spell.

He has to do it himself.

Don't you know anything?

Yes! I know that my wife
and I are expecting company.

And if you and your
sidekick aren't outta here,

I'll break your neck!

Just try it, buster,

and I'll turn you into
a tiny Eiffel Tower.

Oh, that I'd like
to see.

Uncle Arthur, will you
please reverse your spell?

Only for you.
Not for him.

Okay, Emperor,
on your feet.

Stand up.

All the way.

Oh, sorry.

Un, deux, trois, quatre!

You're taking French leave
from where you're at.

That's funny.
He should be gone.

Maybe you're using
the wrong arm gestures.

You're a lousy warlock.

How would you know?

I'll take one more
zap at, uh, Nap.

That's Larry and Louise.

Uh, Uncle Arthur,
please hurry.

Don't... Don't rush me, Sammy.

I can't function
under pressure.

Maybe you can function
under a punch in the mouth.

One more word out of you
and I'm leaving.

- Sorry.
- That's the word.

Oh, uh, Emperor,
would you, um,

consider hiding in a closet?

Absolutely not.

Well, then would you
meet us halfway?

Will you not say how you
got here or who you are?

As your guest, I will oblige.

Because as a Frenchman,

I find you so attractive.

Merci milles fois.

Get on with it.

Oh, yes, uh...

Remarkable!

And very nice material.

Oh, uh, now, your name
is, uh, Henri Richard.

Uh, you're my cousin from Paris

and we have invited you
to stay for dinner. Hmm?

I don't believe this.

You don't believe this?

- More coffee, Henri?
- Ah, non, merci.

Larry?

- Larry.
- [Larry] Hmm?

- More coffee?
- Excuse me. Yes, please.

Henri?

Something's been puzzling me
all evening.

Is it possible that
you and I have met?

I don't know.
How old are you?

Forty-seven.

Then it is not possible.

Well, somehow
I find your face very familiar.

Uh, would anybody
care for brandy?

Napoleon brandy?

I'm not sure. I'll check.

That's it.
He looks like Napoléon.

Napoléon who?

Napoléon Bonaparte.
Henri's a dead ringer for him.

Hasn't anyone ever
told you that before?

Never. Although, it flatters me
to be compared...

to the greatest man
of all time.

I hate to quarrel with my host,
but he looks like Napoléon.

And that gives me
a great idea.

Darrin, you know
our Zoom Detergent account?

Uh-huh. What about it?

I've just had a brainstorm
for their new TV commercial.

We dress Henri
like the Emperor Napoléon,

and he says, "Put Zoom
Detergent in your dishwater

and you'll never
meet your Waterloo."

Larry, it won't work.

Why not?

Well, um, first of all,
Henri's not an actor.

Big deal.

Lots of commercials
are done by nonprofessionals.

And in the second place,

he has to leave
as soon as he can.

We'll shoot
the commercial tomorrow.

And with all those residuals,
you'll make a bundle of money.

And you'll be famous
throughout the world.

I will? In Europe too?

Wherever there's television.

But I don't understand.

What is it, television?

So, the answer is no.

But my answer is yes.

I accept your proposal.

Great! It's turned out to
be a great night for all of us.

Terrific. Come on,
Louise. We're going home.

What for?

So I can get the ball

rolling for
Napoléon's commercial.

I'll let you know
the time and the studio.

Larry, wait.

Good night, Sam.

Thanks for a deliciously
productive dinner.

We'll see ourselves out.

Come on, Louise.

I'm sorry, Samantha,
but business is business.

Henri, see you tomorrow.

Bonsoir.

Au revoir, ma chérie.

Henri.

Emperor, shame on you!

No pointing.
I do not permit pointing.

You knew that we didn't want
you to accept Larry's offer,

but you ignored our wishes.

Yes, that's quite true.

And I know why.

He's got a yen for Louise.

Well, I'm sure
after two centuries,

you must be
starved for affection.

Madame, I assure you,

my motive was not
to conquer a woman.

Then what was your motive?

To conquer England.

If once again
I can become famous in Europe,

then once again
can I rebuild my forces.

Sam, do something.

Well, I...
No.

No one must do nothing.

I now proclaim if any of you
tries to interfere

with my arrangement
with Monsieur Tate,

I shall tell him

my Cousin Samantha
is a witch.

Oh, is that ruthless.

How do you think
I got to be emperor?

Well, go ahead.
Tell Monsieur Tate.

Who'd believe a man
who thinks he's Napoléon?

I am Napoléon Bonaparte,

Emperor of France.

England, I beat you yet.

Sam!
[Sam] Coming!

Hi, sweetheart.
How do you feel?

I don't know yet.

Have you heard
from your Uncle Arthur?

No. I guess he's still mad.

I feel terrible.

Well, you'll feel
better after breakfast.

We're having crêpes suzette.

crêpes suzette?

Yeah, it was Napoléon's idea.

Why didn't you tell him
he can eat what we eat,

or he can go without?

Well, I didn't want
to argue with him.

You know how huffy he gets.

Maybe that's Uncle Arthur.

- Ringing the doorbell?
- Oh.

Good morning. I'm here
to escort Henri to the studio.

He's due onstage in an hour.

What's the matter,
don't you trust us?

I trust you.

But I sense in my associate

a certain reluctance
for this entire enterprise.

Larry, now that you mention it,
after sleeping on it,

- I sincerely...
- Hold it, Darrin.

As senior vice president,
I sincerely disagree with you.

If you sincerely
disagree with me,

you can sincerely
quit your job.

Any questions?

Yes.
Shoot.

Would you like
some crêpes suzette?

I predict total disaster.

Oh, now, sweetheart,
be optimistic.

- Sam, you know what I wish?
- What's that?

I wish just once these things
would happen to someone else.

Not always to me.
Oh.

Great set, huh, kids?
Yeah.

It's a room
in Napoléon's palace.

Um, Larry, are we
supposed to believe

that he used Zoom Detergent?

No. But we're supposed
to believe if he had,

his palace would
have been cleaner.

Where's Cousin Henri?

He's, uh...
He's in his dressing room.

Good. Um, Mr. Tate,
Mr. Bradley's here.

- Member of the board.
- And a tough man to please.

Come on, Darrin.
Let's soften him up a bit.

Uh, good luck. Uh...

Uncle Arthur,
what are you doing in there?

You've heard of the man
behind the camera.

I'm the man
inside the camera.

Will you get out
of there immediately?

And subtly.

I gotta stop hitting
that brandy after dinner.

And besides, I have
important news about

how to reverse my spell.

You do? What's that?

I can't reverse it.

Terrific.

That was really worth
coming to tell me.

But don't worry. I'm working
on those arm gestures,

and I'm still in there pitching.

And striking out.

And no more Bloody Marys
at breakfast either.

Uncle Arthur, will you please
get out of here?

All right, Sammy,
but in times of stress,

we shouldn't lose
our sense of humor.

Yeah, swell.

That's it. I'm getting back
on my liver pills.

Sam?
Oh, yes?

Did I see you talking
to a baseball player?

Who, me?

What would a baseball player
be doing in Napoléon's palace?

- I guess I'm keyed up.
- Yeah.

Mr. Bradley,
this is my wife, Samantha.

Oh, well, it's a pleasure,
Mr. Bradley.

And may I say I use
Zoom Detergent constantly.

Well, I should hope so.

All right, Tate, let's get
this show on the road.

All right, Mr. Bradley,
I-I'm handling it personally.

All right.

Come on. Let's get this
show on the road.

Napoléon, onstage.

This is my new spokesman?

Uh, yes, sir.
Anything wrong?

Okay, okay, it isn't exactly
as I envisioned it,

but, uh, let's see
if he can sell detergent.

All right, boys, rehearsal.

All right, just sit
right over here, Napoléon.

That's it. And, uh, read
what it says on those cards.

Action.

If you want your home
to be your palace,

use Zoom Detergent.

Zoom is the economy cleanser

my empress Josephine would
never be without.

Wait a minute.

This guy stinks.
Am I right, or am I wrong?

Well, uh...
I'm right.

He's an insult
to a great American product.

You with the cards, out.

Tate!

- [Larry] Yes, sir?
- He stinks.

- And so does the commercial.
- Now wait.

- The whole thing is off.
- Wait.

Is this better?

If you want
your home to be your palace,

use Zoom.
Henri, forget it.

- But why?
- The commercial's off.

[Napoleon] I protest.

On what grounds has
this been done to me?

On the grounds,
to put it kindly,

that you're wrong
for the part.

I am wrong for the part
of Napoléon?

Henri, take it easy.

Stop calling me that.

I am not your cousin.

I am Napoléon Bonaparte,
Emperor of France.

Is this guy putting us on,
or has he flipped?

He's putting us on.

No more lies.

Now is time for truth.

I am Napoléon.

I think he means it.

Sam, your cousin is sick.

Now, now, Henri,
don't be a sore loser.

My name is not Henri.

My name is Napoléon.

This nut needs
a psychiatrist,

and so do you.
And furthermore,

if you don't come up with
a better commercial for me,

I'm taking my account
to a different agency.

Darrin, I'm holding you
personally responsible.

- What did I do?
- You married Samantha.

And this nut is her cousin.

Mr. Bradley, wait!

Well, what do we do now?

I don't know.

How about leaving the country?

I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to send
a messenger to Larry Tate...

and tell him
you are a witch.

You have no messenger.

Did I hear someone call
for a messenger?

That's a very nice horse,
Uncle Arthur,

but will you get him
off my carpet?

Extraordinaire.

I have it.

Oh, hooray.

It's a little late, but hooray.

I'll believe it
when I see it.

You are a cynic.

And I refuse to "cynic"
to your level.

Emperor, are you ready
to embark?

Mm, the sooner the better.

Ah, Monsieur Stephens,
I'm glad to have met you.

Likewise.

Ah, Cousine Samantha,

it's been a great plaisir.

Is this gonna take long?

Well, thank you, Emperor.

And, uh, bon voyage.

Sammy, I've figured it out.

To reverse the spell,
all I gotta do is pitch it,

with a little reverse English.

It had nothing to do
with those rotten arm gestures.

Would you please
get on with it?

Oh, sorry, shorty.

Would you care to step over
to the fireplace, please?

Watch this, Sammy.
In reverse.

Don't you know anything?

Oh, bat wings
and lizard tails.

I was just gonna say that.

You...

Listen, fella.

In the future when these,
uh, minor incidents occur,

don't make such a fuss.

Please.

Now all I have to do is think of a
new commercial for Zoom Detergent.

You will, sweetheart.
You will.

How do you know?

Because you're very talented.

Thank you. Same to you.

Do you know
what I'm happy about?

No. What?

England is safe.

There's a lovely roast
in the oven.

Mm, roast beef.

Honey?
[Sam] Hmm?

This isn't a roast beef.
It's a roast chicken.

I'm something else.

Sam, get rid
of that delinquent warlock.

Testy, isn't he?

Uncle Arthur, out.

Good.

Aren't you gonna
invite me to dinner?

I-I'm sorry, Uncle Arthur, but under
the circumstances, I don't think so.

Why, that roast
is big enough for eight people.

And it's gonna be eaten by two.

Selfish.

Good riddance.

Uh, I wonder.

Oh, for...
Uncle Arthur?

You come back here
with our dinner.

I thought you'd reconsider.

Uncle Arthur, if only
I could bust you...

Oh, relax, Darrin.
Loosen up.

After all, a roast for eight
shouldn't be "eight-en" by two.

I kill me.