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BASED ON A REAL INCIDENT
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It was kind of sad and hilarious
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because I walked in
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and there's this little girl crying.
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And I'm like, "Is this a funeral
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or a birthday party,
because I'm confused."
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Like, I don't know.
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- Oh, so then what happened?
- Oh, let's try this one.
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So, my mom was telling her
that now I'm working with you,
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and that I'm dressing you
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for "Detectives from the Future."
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And you know, she said
that if she wanted,
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I could get you to make a video,
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wishing her a happy birthday.
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- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
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I don't love that one.
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Actually, let's try another one.
I'm sorry.
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Sure.
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- So, what did she say?
- Oh, she lost it.
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I mean, the kid went psycho.
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Like, she stopped crying
and all of a sudden, boom,
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it's like she was suddenly high.
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Oh, seriously?
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Yeah, like she
couldn't stop talking,
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she was running around
telling everybody.
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- Oh.
- Bob's making me a personal video,
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and I'm gonna have
this video from Bob.
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And no one's gonna have --
I mean, honestly,
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you should have been there,
it was crazy. Bananas.
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Bob was making her
a personal video, huh?
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I was gonna ask you.
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I even told her
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that I had to make sure
that you were okay with it.
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It's a lot to ask.
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I know, I know.
I don't like making promises
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without asking you.
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And I'm so sorry. I should --
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Come on, I'm kidding.
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- [Laughter]
- What, are you crazy?
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You jerk!
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No, of course I would
do that for you. My God! Yeah.
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Oh! You're so sweet.
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- You're the best!
- No problem.
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How is she related to you?
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- Oh, she's my niece.
- Ah.
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Yeah. I mean, seriously,
my sister should be arrested.
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I mean, who does that?
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You plan a birthday party
for your daughter,
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then you make sure that
her friends show up, you know?
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Actually, now that
I think about it,
51
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my mom did the same thing
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and it's just like --
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Oh, whoa!
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- Whoa!
- [Nervous laughter]
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- Look who popped out.
- [Nervous laughter]
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Come on, what are you doing?
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I'm not doing anything.
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He's got a mind of his own.
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A mind of his own? Oh, okay.
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He just popped out to say hello.
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Yeah, well, you know, okay.
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He said hello and now
pop that thing back in.
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Okay.
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Uh, hey, maybe
you can give me a hand.
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Bob!
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What?
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Jesus, Bob, please.
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What, I can't believe
you're so embarrassed.
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- What did you expect?
- Well, you see people
70
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take their clothes off
all day long.
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Look, that's enough,
just put it away, okay?
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Okay, but wait a second,
wait a second.
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Just take a look at him.
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Just take a little look.
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Bob!
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Seriously. I just want to know
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if you think
he's attractive or not?
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Just have a little look.
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What are you doing?
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Don't you realize
that I'm attracted to you?
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Okay.
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Look, I know you don't
think a lot of yourself,
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but I think you are
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an incredibly sexy woman.
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You totally turn me on.
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So just have a look.
87
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Tell me if you think you guys
might want to be friends.
88
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You should put your pants on.
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All right, if you're not into it,
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you're not into it.
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So, I'm gonna put him away now.
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You okay with that?
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Because you know,
once I put him away,
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he doesn't back out.
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I don't want to drive him crazy –
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in, out, in, out. It's tiring.
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I don't want to tire
the little guy out.
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Okay. That's that.
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Bob, need you on set.
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Okay. I'm coming.
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Yeah.
102
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I like this jacket.
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It's a nice jacket.
104
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Yeah, where is this from?
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I can't remember.
106
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Uh, this is good.
107
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Okay, give me your phone.
108
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What?
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Your phone, don't you want me to
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make a birthday video
for your niece?
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Oh.
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What's her name?
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- Naomi.
- Naomi.
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Yeah. She uh,
she just turned seven.
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Seven. Oh.
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Hey, Naomi! Happy birthday!
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Seven years old, my gosh,
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what a big girl you are!
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Hope you have a fantastic year
full of wonder and mystery
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and adventure and joy.
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I'm here with your aunt.
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She's the best in the world.
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Thanks for watching our show.
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Have a great year!
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Muah!
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Here you go.
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Okay.
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#THATSHARRASSMENT
8649
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