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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:03,020 You know, college fun. 2 00:00:03,220 --> 00:00:04,380 Let go and have fun. 3 00:00:04,780 --> 00:00:06,300 Single and ready to mingle. 4 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,540 Yeah, baby! 5 00:00:07,780 --> 00:00:10,260 Didn't I have them on my one -fuck -no -questions -ask list? 6 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:12,420 Take me to bed right now. 7 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,320 Final up and we'll burn you. 8 00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:19,100 Such a complete... Am I not enough for you? 9 00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,960 What are you watching? Anything juicy? 10 00:00:21,540 --> 00:00:24,300 You Americans, so excited about sex. 11 00:00:24,980 --> 00:00:25,919 Oh, la la. 12 00:00:25,920 --> 00:00:26,920 I gotta switch majors. 13 00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:54,430 We did the wedding rehearsal. 14 00:00:55,030 --> 00:00:57,650 Now it's time for the honeymoon rehearsal, right? 15 00:00:59,790 --> 00:01:02,230 It's bad luck to see the bride the night before the wedding. 16 00:01:02,790 --> 00:01:06,550 It's bad luck for the bride to see the groom in that butt floss. 17 00:01:06,970 --> 00:01:08,170 Ever. With this? 18 00:01:09,230 --> 00:01:10,230 I thought of everything. 19 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,750 Now I won't be able to see anything 20 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,280 No more seat planning, bridesmaid dresses, floral arrangements. 21 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:47,920 No more. 22 00:01:48,020 --> 00:01:53,820 I actually really need to... Look, by this time tomorrow, we're going to be 23 00:01:53,820 --> 00:01:55,280 married. Husband and wife. 24 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,720 That means no more sex. 25 00:01:58,220 --> 00:01:59,220 Game over. 26 00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:05,340 So tonight, we're making the most of our last night of freedom. 27 00:02:08,259 --> 00:02:09,360 You're out of your mind. 28 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,680 That's why you love me. 29 00:02:19,989 --> 00:02:26,970 And the memory 30 00:02:26,970 --> 00:02:32,650 I'm sure you 31 00:02:59,530 --> 00:03:00,530 But that one. 32 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:00,720 having second thoughts? 33 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,460 Are you ready for round two? 34 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:05,620 Hey, just give me a second to reload. 35 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,720 No, no second thoughts about getting married. 36 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,240 Baby, I rarely have first thoughts. 37 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,280 Who's there? 38 00:07:48,750 --> 00:07:50,450 What the fuck is that? 39 00:07:53,290 --> 00:07:56,830 I'm warning you. I got a black belt in origami, sucker. 40 00:08:01,650 --> 00:08:02,650 Stop. 41 00:08:03,810 --> 00:08:04,810 Hammer time. 42 00:08:13,210 --> 00:08:14,210 Jake? 43 00:08:14,770 --> 00:08:15,810 Jake Marley? 44 00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,870 Aren't you wicked cool? 45 00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:20,550 Yes. 46 00:08:21,910 --> 00:08:24,770 Yo, Frankie says relax. 47 00:08:26,030 --> 00:08:27,710 You died. 48 00:08:27,930 --> 00:08:32,289 You died in 1985, brother. I've been rocking the afterlife ever since. 49 00:08:32,490 --> 00:08:35,289 I'm telling you, dude, dead chicks dig me. 50 00:08:36,809 --> 00:08:37,990 All right. 51 00:08:38,370 --> 00:08:43,669 You had too much to drink. And now you're dreaming that the founder of the 52 00:08:43,669 --> 00:08:46,130 House is talking to you. Right. 53 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:48,780 Corks, just take a breath. 54 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,040 Relax. 55 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,880 And... So, 56 00:08:56,600 --> 00:09:03,040 this is what it sounds like when James cries. 57 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:09,300 What do you want? 58 00:09:09,580 --> 00:09:10,720 Why are you here? 59 00:09:11,660 --> 00:09:12,660 Second thoughts. 60 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:17,100 Donald and Ivana. 61 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:18,880 Fawcett and Majors. 62 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:20,200 McGraw and McQueen. 63 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:24,440 Uh, it's 2008, buddy. It is? 64 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:30,660 Fine. Britney and K -Fab. All I'm saying is, this marriage ain't gonna work. 65 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:36,020 I can't believe I'm asking you this, but... Why? 66 00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:38,160 You're an Omega Man. 67 00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:43,160 Omega Men don't settle down with 2 .4 children in a minivan. 68 00:09:44,060 --> 00:09:47,180 No. They get killed in freak sex accidents. 69 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:48,900 Oh, dude. 70 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,080 She was a freak, all right. 71 00:09:52,680 --> 00:09:54,320 But it was no accident. 72 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,220 Watch and learn, buddy. 73 00:10:03,560 --> 00:10:06,960 I'm about to give her the best orgasm of her life. 74 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:24,280 Like you're never gonna listen, you'll deny it. You turn your backwood up and 75 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:25,280 run again. 76 00:11:13,290 --> 00:11:14,290 Dude, 77 00:11:21,510 --> 00:11:24,990 if you could choose your last five minutes on earth, tell me you wouldn't 78 00:11:24,990 --> 00:11:25,990 that. 79 00:11:38,259 --> 00:11:40,300 I don't know. 80 00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:44,180 I don't know. I don't know. 81 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,200 You have. 82 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:15,720 I deserve to be punished. 83 00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:20,480 For cheating on me with every girl on campus. 84 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,500 Ice, ice, baby. 85 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:28,880 I'm just letting my freaky bitches do what they need to do. 86 00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:44,460 Not too tight, baby This is what they need to do 87 00:13:14,350 --> 00:13:15,730 What's that supposed to prove, huh? 88 00:13:16,130 --> 00:13:19,930 You got killed for being lying, cheating, what? 89 00:13:20,430 --> 00:13:25,730 Exactly. That's how an Omega man goes out. Not with a whimper, but a bang. A 90 00:13:25,730 --> 00:13:27,270 fucking bang. 91 00:13:27,730 --> 00:13:31,590 Yeah? Well, speaking of a big fucking bang, 92 00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:34,650 the Omega house is going to be pulverized. 93 00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:38,230 Dean Lauer's got plans to demolish it. Yeah. 94 00:13:38,490 --> 00:13:39,630 Not a brick left. 95 00:13:41,290 --> 00:13:42,670 Remind me to go haunt that prick. 96 00:13:43,630 --> 00:13:47,870 You know, I'm not taking advice from a fucking dead man, all right? I'm getting 97 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:48,870 married tomorrow. 98 00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:50,070 Chill out, big man. 99 00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:51,910 We're halfway there. 100 00:13:52,210 --> 00:13:53,210 Whoa! 101 00:13:54,170 --> 00:13:55,170 What? 102 00:13:55,510 --> 00:13:59,410 What do you want from me? To consider what you're giving up. 103 00:13:59,790 --> 00:14:01,610 The good times you've had. 104 00:14:02,070 --> 00:14:06,670 If I could be reincarnated, I'd come back as your fingertips. 105 00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:12,210 I've had my fair share of fun. 106 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,900 What about Lady Bird Johnson? 107 00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:18,140 The dean's sensual niece. 108 00:14:19,580 --> 00:14:20,580 Yeah. 109 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:24,260 Sensual. And flexible. 110 00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:26,700 And drunk. 111 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,920 The perfect storm. 112 00:14:29,740 --> 00:14:32,440 Think about what you're missing. 113 00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:43,490 Come on, baby, let me see it. Give me this thing. 114 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,030 Give me this thing. 115 00:14:46,370 --> 00:14:47,430 Uh -huh. 116 00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:50,210 Uh -huh. 117 00:14:51,990 --> 00:14:52,990 Yeah. 118 00:14:55,790 --> 00:14:58,330 Make love to the camera. 119 00:14:59,050 --> 00:15:00,050 Mmm. 120 00:15:00,550 --> 00:15:01,770 So juicy. 121 00:15:02,590 --> 00:15:03,590 Hey, Bob. 122 00:15:04,790 --> 00:15:06,210 What do we have here? 123 00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:08,410 I'd rather make love to you. 124 00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:15,009 Easy, tiger. 125 00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:16,350 The dean's next door. 126 00:15:16,770 --> 00:15:17,770 Fuck him. 127 00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:21,690 Yeah, I'd rather fuck you. 128 00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:53,450 It was good times. No question about that. 129 00:16:53,690 --> 00:16:54,690 And could be again. 130 00:16:54,830 --> 00:16:57,050 All you need is a box of wine and two bags of chips. 131 00:16:57,870 --> 00:17:03,930 No, those days are over. Don't you miss the rush of screwing the dean's niece in 132 00:17:03,930 --> 00:17:06,390 his house while he's home? 133 00:17:07,010 --> 00:17:10,569 Me and the dean, we've got a special relationship now. 134 00:17:10,990 --> 00:17:12,550 After the thing with the thing. 135 00:17:13,710 --> 00:17:15,010 The thing with the thing? 136 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:48,080 It's gonna be good. 137 00:18:15,690 --> 00:18:21,390 some weird shit in my day, but that, that, the thing with the thing. 138 00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:30,170 Man, I missed those days. 139 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,810 And I missed that tape. 140 00:18:33,810 --> 00:18:39,930 This Ophelia, I'm sure she's funky fly fresh, 141 00:18:40,230 --> 00:18:43,830 but marriage, it's whack. 142 00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:50,780 She's put up with my shit all these years. Oh, take a red bucko. 143 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,260 She's put up with my shit all these years. Are you? 144 00:18:55,460 --> 00:18:56,480 First shizzle. 145 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:58,900 And the stuff I put her through. 146 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:04,080 The fact that she talks to my dumb ass, let alone wants to marry me. 147 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,240 It's a fucking miracle, I tell you. 148 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:09,280 Regular Mother Teresa. 149 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:10,600 Yeah, but hotter. 150 00:19:14,600 --> 00:19:16,600 I didn't want to have to show you this. 151 00:19:17,060 --> 00:19:19,900 Please, keep your ghostly junk in your ghostly pants. 152 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:24,080 Please be gentle. 153 00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,040 This is my first time, you know. 154 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,240 Don't worry. 155 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:28,320 I'll show you a movie. 156 00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:35,620 Something seems to be happening down there. 157 00:19:36,580 --> 00:19:39,040 There sure is. 158 00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,530 Now what do we do? 159 00:19:49,310 --> 00:19:50,310 We fuck. 160 00:19:53,910 --> 00:20:00,710 I give that 161 00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:02,230 move a 9 .0 for difficulty. 162 00:20:24,910 --> 00:20:25,930 Do we have to watch this? 163 00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:28,109 You're right. 164 00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:31,210 There's a puppet show starting at 10. Yeah, we have to watch this. 165 00:20:35,970 --> 00:20:40,470 I already 166 00:20:40,470 --> 00:20:45,570 know how it ends. 167 00:21:39,690 --> 00:21:40,690 finished and strong. 168 00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:45,490 Not bad for your first time, huh? 169 00:21:45,890 --> 00:21:46,890 Oh, yeah. 170 00:21:46,930 --> 00:21:49,890 Well, give me a few minutes. I'll be ready for my second time. 171 00:21:50,170 --> 00:21:51,170 Well, James. 172 00:21:53,670 --> 00:21:55,370 Oh, fuck. Who's that? 173 00:21:56,250 --> 00:21:58,230 That's Ophelia, my ex -girlfriend. 174 00:21:58,890 --> 00:22:00,090 Hi, I'm Kimberly. 175 00:22:02,510 --> 00:22:03,730 When did you guys break up? 176 00:22:04,170 --> 00:22:05,450 About five seconds ago. 177 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:15,930 That was a fun trip down amnesia lane. 178 00:22:16,430 --> 00:22:19,570 Remind me never to dream you up again, freak. 179 00:22:20,510 --> 00:22:27,250 This long -term relationship thing, it's not all sucky, fucky, sticky fun. 180 00:22:27,810 --> 00:22:28,810 I know. 181 00:22:30,050 --> 00:22:34,470 When you give someone your heart, you risk it being broken. 182 00:22:37,290 --> 00:22:39,250 What? Never heard of Dr. Ruth? 183 00:23:21,580 --> 00:23:23,260 So I had to leave her the ring? 184 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,840 You want her to come rushing back, right? 185 00:23:31,210 --> 00:23:32,910 All she had to say was stop. 186 00:23:33,630 --> 00:23:35,490 Turn the cab right around. 187 00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:39,690 Forget Borneo and come back to the man she loves. 188 00:23:41,130 --> 00:23:43,210 But she didn't. No. 189 00:23:43,930 --> 00:23:47,030 She chose Royce instead. 190 00:23:51,770 --> 00:23:58,670 If I could touch myself, I'd rub one out right 191 00:23:58,670 --> 00:23:59,670 now. 192 00:24:12,780 --> 00:24:14,340 That's the breakfast of champions. 193 00:24:15,540 --> 00:24:16,940 Oh, no, my champion. 194 00:24:17,580 --> 00:24:18,860 Breakfast is on me. 195 00:25:49,640 --> 00:25:53,640 Even when she's with the Antichrist, she can't help but think of me. 196 00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,840 You're a tough nut to crack, you know that? 197 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:03,340 You know how much I get paid for this? 198 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:09,920 Nothing. The big man upstairs says that virtue is its own reward. I'm telling 199 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:11,420 you, I'm going on strike. 200 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:13,400 Listen here. 201 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,740 I feel sorry for you, bud, and I'm sorry I'm making things hard on you, but... 202 00:26:18,830 --> 00:26:19,830 I love her. 203 00:26:23,130 --> 00:26:24,730 You okay there? 204 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,250 Bogus. 205 00:26:26,750 --> 00:26:31,150 Do you want to see what you're missing out on if you marry that mall tank? 206 00:26:31,450 --> 00:26:33,270 No, not really. Not at all. 207 00:26:44,290 --> 00:26:45,630 And I was alone. 208 00:26:46,150 --> 00:26:47,570 And there was a girl. 209 00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:50,870 But there is always a girl. 210 00:26:51,350 --> 00:26:52,910 I pick up the phone. 211 00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:56,970 Now that's the life. 212 00:26:58,630 --> 00:27:00,270 Enough of this shit, all right? 213 00:27:00,510 --> 00:27:01,930 This is my dream, right? 214 00:27:02,490 --> 00:27:05,850 Uh, yeah, but you really... Then enough! 215 00:27:08,190 --> 00:27:11,770 Baby, you're not gonna believe what I just dreamt. 216 00:27:14,630 --> 00:27:15,630 Baby? 217 00:28:20,750 --> 00:28:21,750 Come on, idiot. 218 00:28:21,910 --> 00:28:25,490 The wedding's in three hours. I need your help. Please, find James. 219 00:28:25,790 --> 00:28:26,890 What are you doing here? 220 00:28:27,290 --> 00:28:29,350 If it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be, right? 221 00:28:30,130 --> 00:28:33,610 You want to try and steal my dynamite, is that it? I'm laying it on the line. 222 00:28:33,810 --> 00:28:35,390 Cooper, I'm ready to start. 223 00:28:41,290 --> 00:28:44,970 She's never ever, she's never ever better than me. 224 00:28:46,370 --> 00:28:49,150 She's never ever, she's never ever. 225 00:28:49,580 --> 00:28:55,020 better than me and she's never ever ever better than me 14864