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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,490 --> 00:00:02,570 All we want to know is where we'll be staying. 2 00:00:02,770 --> 00:00:03,990 Looks like we're all going to be roommates. 3 00:00:04,550 --> 00:00:05,550 Yes. 4 00:00:06,930 --> 00:00:09,550 We're free to do what we want, when we want, to who we want. 5 00:00:10,150 --> 00:00:11,330 You're an incredible ass. 6 00:00:11,970 --> 00:00:13,090 I fucking love cars. 7 00:00:14,010 --> 00:00:15,250 Is this guy for real? 8 00:00:17,530 --> 00:00:18,530 Oh, yeah. 9 00:00:18,710 --> 00:00:19,689 Who's your daddy? 10 00:00:19,690 --> 00:00:21,010 Brian Talbert. Why? 11 00:00:21,830 --> 00:00:24,050 I just want a good education. 12 00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:25,850 What are you talking about? 13 00:00:37,420 --> 00:00:39,920 again why I'm dressed up like some pet -filled sweater monkey? 14 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:42,400 Baby, I told you. It's top secret. 15 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:47,540 Okay, okay, wait, wait. I'll tell you. But for your own safety, you can't tell 16 00:00:47,540 --> 00:00:51,380 anyone. I know you look at me and you see nothing more than this muscle -bound 17 00:00:51,380 --> 00:00:55,180 tight end. But peel back that facade and you'll see a man who's dedicated to the 18 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,580 truth. Really? 19 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:58,160 Yeah. 20 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:00,660 I'm working undercover for the campus news. 21 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,120 Oh, my roommate Lisa? 22 00:01:03,420 --> 00:01:05,400 She's a reporter for the campus station. 23 00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:07,770 There, that's why you can't break cover. 24 00:01:08,410 --> 00:01:09,930 Okay, okay, I won't, I swear. 25 00:01:10,790 --> 00:01:11,850 So what's the story? 26 00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:15,270 Okay, well, I'm investigating the coat, trying to prove that he's been slipping 27 00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:16,270 a player's steroids. 28 00:01:16,370 --> 00:01:19,610 I mean, I just, like, feel like I have to, like, inform the public, you know? 29 00:01:19,630 --> 00:01:22,850 Like, shine a light on the truth. I mean, these poor children and their 30 00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:28,430 lives and just... I'm sorry. I just get all fired up when I think about it. It's 31 00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:29,530 okay. I understand. 32 00:01:29,730 --> 00:01:30,790 I know how you feel. 33 00:01:31,010 --> 00:01:34,190 I didn't mean to scare you. I just feel like I can talk to you. 34 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,280 No, you didn't scare me. 35 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:40,580 But, um, why am I dressed up like a cheerleader? 36 00:01:40,820 --> 00:01:41,779 Shh. 37 00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:43,000 I've said too much already. 38 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:48,420 You have no idea of what kind of danger you're in right now. I'll take the risk. 39 00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:52,340 I just feel like you deserve some sort of a reward. 40 00:01:53,620 --> 00:01:55,280 Oh, my God. 41 00:01:56,160 --> 00:01:57,540 This is better than a Pulitzer. 42 00:01:59,180 --> 00:02:05,100 My roommate, Lisa, she is a master at this. She taught me... Suck out all the 43 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,100 badger poison. 44 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:08,500 Badger poison? 45 00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:11,400 Oh. Long story. I'll tell you later. 46 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:20,040 When you said you'd never been in love? 47 00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:22,740 Did you really mean that? 48 00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:28,820 You're not even listening to me, are you? 49 00:07:31,420 --> 00:07:34,880 Robbie Langford benched by the coach after yet another fumble. 50 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:36,520 Let's try to get a word from him. 51 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,940 Robbie, Lisa Wilcock, Campus News. 52 00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,240 Can you tell us what happened out there today? 53 00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:45,160 I don't know. I just thought that, um... 54 00:07:47,790 --> 00:07:48,790 Your name is Lisa? 55 00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,570 Yes, Lisa Wilcox, Campus News. 56 00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:54,690 Oh, I heard all about you. 57 00:07:55,050 --> 00:07:56,050 Really? 58 00:07:57,150 --> 00:07:59,350 I heard you give the best blowjobs. 59 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,470 Learn how to suck out all the badger boys? 60 00:08:03,870 --> 00:08:04,870 Cut. 61 00:08:12,130 --> 00:08:14,990 You slept with Robbie? For Christ's sake, don't throw the ball Langford. 62 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:18,320 We didn't do any sleeping. 63 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,800 The guy's a moron. 64 00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:22,240 Actually, he's quite complex. 65 00:08:22,660 --> 00:08:26,080 Oh, please, let me guess. He's, we're working on a big story, and people 66 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,080 to know the truth speech. 67 00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:28,440 No. 68 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,500 Well, yeah, but he sounded so... Full of shit. 69 00:08:32,860 --> 00:08:34,360 He uses that crap on every girl. 70 00:08:35,539 --> 00:08:37,000 See, I expected more from you. 71 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,480 You're better than that, but you're better than him. 72 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:45,660 And now to go on air and tell everybody about Lisa's badger -sucking prowess? 73 00:08:46,180 --> 00:08:49,920 What? Yeah, Robbie announced on the airwaves that Lisa taught you how to 74 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,060 incredibly good blowjobs. 75 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,060 Oh, my God. 76 00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:54,620 Karen? 77 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:57,960 I can explain. 78 00:08:58,520 --> 00:08:59,520 You. 79 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:05,700 You B -I -T -C -H. I know. I'm sorry. I blew it. That's what Robbie said over 80 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:07,280 the loudspeaker during the halftime show. 81 00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:10,180 How could you do this to me? 82 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:11,800 I didn't do it to you. 83 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,100 Robbie did it. And I'm just as horrified as you are. 84 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,400 He told everybody about me blowing him. 85 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,040 Hey, no PR is bad PR. 86 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,160 You ruined my whole life. 87 00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:23,820 Okay, just relax. 88 00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:28,320 It's a campus news station, for God's sakes. Nobody watches it. 89 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,680 It'll be forgotten by... 90 00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:13,650 Tough day, huh? 91 00:10:13,850 --> 00:10:16,070 Boys are like dogs in heat. It's ridiculous. 92 00:10:16,890 --> 00:10:21,910 Just a couple of days ago, they never noticed me. And now, I'm like the Ark in 93 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:23,050 that Indiana Jones movie. 94 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,790 Damn. 95 00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:26,310 That must suck. 96 00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:32,910 You're like the only one around who doesn't want oral pleasure. 97 00:10:33,650 --> 00:10:34,650 Oh. 98 00:10:35,950 --> 00:10:39,070 Well... I... I am... 99 00:10:41,580 --> 00:10:42,580 Hi, Lisa. 100 00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:45,640 How was your day? 101 00:10:47,740 --> 00:10:48,740 My day? 102 00:10:49,380 --> 00:10:54,080 Well, imagine being pursued by every little horny idiot on campus, pretending 103 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,300 that they've all been bitten in their nether region. 104 00:10:56,860 --> 00:10:58,900 That's how my day was. How was yours? 105 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,960 I'm just finishing up. I'll be about half an hour. 106 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,380 Oh, my God. 107 00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:19,579 You okay? 108 00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:20,580 Jeez, babe. 109 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,320 You used to love surprises. 110 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,600 You know what? 111 00:11:24,820 --> 00:11:25,960 Keep the mask on. 112 00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:27,900 Okay. 113 00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:29,140 Where's this going? 114 00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:31,739 Come on. 115 00:11:31,740 --> 00:11:33,240 You can't stay mad at a monkey. 116 00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,360 Well, strictly speaking, you're a gorilla. 117 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,020 And, yeah, I can. 118 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,410 Come on, baby. 119 00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:46,230 Throw me a banana here, will you? Come on, baby. 120 00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:50,270 You're fucking nuts, you know that? 121 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,170 Lisa, 122 00:11:55,830 --> 00:12:02,830 can I 123 00:12:02,830 --> 00:12:03,830 talk to you? 124 00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,250 Sure. 125 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:15,660 Let me get my camera so we can broadcast another private girlfriend moment. 126 00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:18,460 Okay, I deserve that. 127 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,580 But seriously, I've been thinking, and I have a way to fix it. 128 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:24,340 You know, to make it up to you. 129 00:12:25,460 --> 00:12:32,220 But first, what exactly is True Love Waits, and what are you 130 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,220 waiting for? 131 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,480 The man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. 132 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,120 And how will you know once you've met him? 133 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:44,660 Okay. See, what I've been thinking about is that really crappy movie. You know, 134 00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:45,820 the one with Cher in it. 135 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,540 All of Cher's movies are terrible. 136 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:50,560 No, the worst one. 137 00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:52,680 There's so many to pick from. 138 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:56,640 Okay, it has that crappy song in it. Remember that really crappy song? 139 00:12:57,380 --> 00:12:59,140 Is this how you're making it up to me? 140 00:13:00,240 --> 00:13:02,360 Reminding me of crappy Cher songs? 141 00:13:02,940 --> 00:13:07,460 I just think that whenever making a major life decision, it's always wise to 142 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:09,440 consult the lyrics of Cher's 80s hits. 143 00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:13,940 Maybe it's just me. I don't know. I really think I'm onto something here. I 144 00:13:13,940 --> 00:13:14,739 really do. 145 00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:18,140 Oh, it's that one. It's the one. It's in its kit. 146 00:13:18,440 --> 00:13:19,460 That's where it is. 147 00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:20,840 That's the cover version. 148 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:23,140 But it's still good advice, right? 149 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:52,120 I'll take the 150 00:16:22,890 --> 00:16:25,390 me watching the Discovery Channel for a few weeks anyway. 151 00:16:27,370 --> 00:16:32,530 What do you want? I need your help. I figured out a way to make it up to Lisa. 152 00:16:33,330 --> 00:16:35,650 How? I'm gonna get her laid. 153 00:16:37,110 --> 00:16:38,110 Excuse me? 154 00:16:38,610 --> 00:16:39,610 Sweet! 155 00:16:40,210 --> 00:16:41,210 Uh -huh. 156 00:16:41,450 --> 00:16:42,850 What's the blind date party? 157 00:16:43,450 --> 00:16:45,650 Well, you'll be blindfolded. 158 00:16:46,510 --> 00:16:47,510 Okay. 159 00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:48,990 Then what? 160 00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:51,670 Then, any potential Prince Charming? 161 00:16:52,110 --> 00:16:53,990 who are at the party, can come up and kiss you. 162 00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:59,450 I'm not doing it. You won't see them. You'll be able to tell just by the way 163 00:16:59,450 --> 00:17:02,130 they kiss you whether or not he's your true love. 164 00:17:02,570 --> 00:17:05,230 And then you could screw his brains out. 165 00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:07,390 You're welcome. 166 00:17:09,869 --> 00:17:10,869 What, Jose? 167 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:14,569 You're going to let anyone walk in off the street and kiss Lisa? 168 00:17:15,050 --> 00:17:16,069 What would that prove? 169 00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:20,410 Well, I... Actually, scientific research has shown that the sense of touch, a 170 00:17:20,410 --> 00:17:23,270 kiss for example, can generate some of the most powerful emotions. 171 00:17:24,329 --> 00:17:25,910 You can tell a lot from a kiss. 172 00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:28,069 Booyah! Thank you, Cher. 173 00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:30,350 And don't worry, Lisa. 174 00:17:31,710 --> 00:17:36,930 Every guy will not get in unless they meet my personal I -would -fuck -him 175 00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:37,930 criteria. 176 00:17:40,390 --> 00:17:41,390 Wow. 177 00:17:42,170 --> 00:17:43,970 What a great sales pitch, guys. 178 00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:46,030 Lisa. 179 00:17:46,570 --> 00:17:47,670 You don't have to do this. 180 00:17:48,170 --> 00:17:49,170 Oh, come on. 181 00:17:49,750 --> 00:17:51,290 I'm trying to make things right here, Jose. 182 00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:52,530 Throw a girl a bone. 183 00:17:54,110 --> 00:17:56,530 It's worth a shot, isn't it? What have you got to lose? 184 00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:58,930 Uh, she could lose her hymen. 185 00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:03,690 What's a hymen? 186 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:38,160 I can't do this. 187 00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:51,800 This isn't working. 188 00:18:53,140 --> 00:18:57,480 Believe me, with you dressed like that, it'll work. 189 00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:15,860 When I made that pledge, I thought, you know, Trilo was going to find me. 190 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,380 I didn't think I had to advertise. 191 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,060 No matter what happens, I'll be here for you. 192 00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:25,460 You're so sweet. 193 00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,720 I feel like you're my... 194 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:33,940 big brother. 195 00:19:39,690 --> 00:19:42,850 Like the young King Arthur, I'm here to try and pull the sword from the stone. 196 00:19:44,730 --> 00:19:47,050 Arthur Newsome. Yes. 197 00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,830 Freshman. Virgin. 198 00:19:52,010 --> 00:19:53,090 Clean bill of health. 199 00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:55,410 Freighter, how did you know I'm a virgin? 200 00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:57,990 Are you kidding? You've never put your sword anywhere. 201 00:19:58,330 --> 00:19:59,330 In you go. 202 00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,270 Ready? 203 00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:05,490 Yeah. 204 00:20:14,890 --> 00:20:15,890 about next. 205 00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:27,230 Yum, you taste like glue. 206 00:20:28,030 --> 00:20:29,030 Next. 207 00:20:32,590 --> 00:20:38,830 Is this the place you come for a 208 00:20:38,830 --> 00:20:40,230 free head? 209 00:20:41,090 --> 00:20:42,250 Right, um... 210 00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:46,520 Actually, it's the next door, on your right, the Alpha Beta house. 211 00:20:47,260 --> 00:20:48,260 Have fun. 212 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,020 Sleeping with that meathead Langford, I forgive you. 213 00:20:58,360 --> 00:21:00,300 I didn't ask for your forgiveness, Freddie. 214 00:21:00,620 --> 00:21:01,840 And I forgive you for that one, too. 215 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,000 Well, gee, thank you so much. 216 00:21:05,180 --> 00:21:06,220 Well, hello there. 217 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,000 I hear for upstairs, second door on the left. 218 00:21:13,710 --> 00:21:19,710 So, um, maybe I think we should, you know... No, I don't know. 219 00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:21,670 Maybe kiss and make up? 220 00:21:23,850 --> 00:21:24,850 Fine, Freddie. 221 00:21:28,130 --> 00:21:29,130 Garrett? 222 00:21:33,110 --> 00:21:35,530 Robbie, you have a lot of nerves showing up here. 223 00:21:36,190 --> 00:21:38,490 I know, I know. I messed up. 224 00:21:38,910 --> 00:21:41,190 But I want to make it up to you. 225 00:21:41,550 --> 00:21:42,550 It's okay, Freddie. 226 00:21:42,810 --> 00:21:43,810 I can take care of this myself. 227 00:21:44,750 --> 00:21:45,750 Come inside. 228 00:21:46,570 --> 00:21:47,710 Let's talk about it upstairs. 229 00:21:55,410 --> 00:22:00,530 Oh, my gosh, Robbie. 230 00:22:01,010 --> 00:22:02,050 I've been thinking. 231 00:22:02,770 --> 00:22:06,450 And if you're serious about making it in the news business, I really think 232 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,490 there's someone you ought to meet. 233 00:22:07,770 --> 00:22:08,770 Is that right? 234 00:22:08,930 --> 00:22:10,150 And who might that be? 235 00:22:10,410 --> 00:22:11,410 Oh, my God. 236 00:22:11,740 --> 00:22:14,700 She's a total newshound. Shits on all the big names. 237 00:22:15,260 --> 00:22:16,700 Really? Uh -huh. 238 00:22:17,180 --> 00:22:20,800 In fact, she's in this room right now waiting for you. 239 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:22,540 Yeah? Yeah. 240 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:27,940 Oh, and Robbie, for Christ's sake, don't let her near your balls. 241 00:23:10,890 --> 00:23:11,890 Next. 242 00:23:15,190 --> 00:23:18,790 Shitbag with no wedge cut. Dropped right 62 from a swing back. 243 00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:20,270 You call fumble? 244 00:23:25,490 --> 00:23:26,490 Karen. 245 00:23:37,070 --> 00:23:39,670 Without you, my life... 246 00:23:40,140 --> 00:23:41,140 No bear. 247 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:44,560 No air. 248 00:23:46,540 --> 00:23:47,540 No bear. 249 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:50,400 I need you. 250 00:23:59,420 --> 00:24:00,420 I'm here. 251 00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,040 Please tell me that was it. 252 00:24:10,110 --> 00:24:11,110 Looks like you're done. 253 00:24:11,690 --> 00:24:12,850 Can you find them at the right? 254 00:24:15,150 --> 00:24:16,150 Wait. 255 00:24:17,250 --> 00:24:18,250 There's one more. 256 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:22,940 Right beside you, in the dark. 257 00:25:24,180 --> 00:25:27,820 You're holding me so close to you. 258 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,660 I feel that you want me. 259 00:25:34,060 --> 00:25:39,220 Oh, I can't tell you what it means to me. 260 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:41,540 You're my fantasy. 261 00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:47,740 Show me how to love you. 262 00:25:54,990 --> 00:25:58,230 Giving me the love that I need. 263 00:26:04,250 --> 00:26:11,190 When I look into your eyes, I can see 264 00:26:11,190 --> 00:26:12,750 a dreaded heaven. 265 00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:18,810 Time and time again, 266 00:26:19,650 --> 00:26:22,330 it drags me away. 267 00:26:28,749 --> 00:26:33,610 Show me how to love you. 268 00:26:36,390 --> 00:26:38,870 You're my fantasy. 269 00:26:59,350 --> 00:27:01,310 He showed me how to love you. 270 00:27:03,250 --> 00:27:04,950 And you've given me all. 271 00:27:48,710 --> 00:27:49,710 You're the one. 272 00:27:50,190 --> 00:27:51,390 Oh, my God, you're the one. 273 00:28:18,510 --> 00:28:22,050 Disgusting. I found true love. You couldn't go ten seconds without thinking 274 00:28:22,050 --> 00:28:22,929 about sex. 275 00:28:22,930 --> 00:28:25,630 We make it a bet. What? One week, no sex. 276 00:28:26,270 --> 00:28:30,230 My Pandora's box is open for business. 277 00:28:30,470 --> 00:28:31,730 Back to it. Back to it? 278 00:28:49,130 --> 00:28:50,130 ever better than 18672