All language subtitles for Co_Ed_Confidential_S01E06_720p_HDTV_TVV_30NAMA

All we want to know is where we'll be
staying. Looks like we're all going to

roommates. Yes.

We're free to do what we want, when we
want, and who we want.

You're an incredible asshole.

I fucking love Colin.

Is this guy for real?

Oh, yeah.

Who's your daddy? Brian Talbert. Why?

I want a good education.

What are you talking about?

I'd be throwing them.

If you had $100 bill, you'd be throwing
them.

Throwing them.

Yeah.

I'm going to miss this.

Why?

I couldn't tell you before.

Not before.

Before what?

I'm regretting this moment.

Susan, what are you talking about?

I'm sorry, Jose, but I'm broke.

I'm going to have to quit school and hit
the pole full time.

No, come on.

But that is such a waste.

There must be another... There is.

I can transfer home.

Okay, and home is close, right?

Anchorage.

Alaska?

Does it even have a university in
Alaska?

But I thought it was all snowy and igloo
-y.

They have a good school there. They even
have toilets and heating.

And it's the best I can afford, and I
can even stay in my parents' igloo.

But how about your stripping career? You
can't just abandon it now.

I mean, you're reaching your peak.

I want a degree, Jose.

I don't want to spend the rest of my
life in a g -string.

So she comes out with, like, this wooden
hanger.

The woman at the back. Yeah.

And she whacks the first guy in the ass.

We party like this all the time.

Yeah, so, you know, crazy shit happens.
People just whack, like, randomly. You

never even know.

Thank you. That was real. Yeah.

My bad.

Involuntary muscle spasm. You know, I
got hit by a shot. I'll pay a medal of

honor.

Oh, thank her.

You, Beck, now.

Now, listen.

I want you to be as loud as possible.
You understand?

What's going on?

I'm going to make you scream.

I'll take it off, baby.

Take it off. Oh, yeah, take it off. Take
it off.

Oh, just like that. Yes.

Clearly, I'm better in bed when I'm not
actually in bed.

To Alaska.

Studying penguins or something.

Hey, guys.

Jose,

what's wrong?

His girlfriend dumped him.

Drink. It's the solution to all of your
problems.

I've never tried that before.

I never have either.

Nobody's making you drink it. But you
keep saying I never.

So?

It's a game, you guys.

Every time you say I've never tried that
and I have, I have to take a shot.

I never played anything like that
before.

Come on, man. There's like 15 ,000 girls
on this campus, man.

Okay, say half of them are already
boning some dude.

10 % of peppermint patties.

That leaves about shitloads of chicks to
bone.

And they say the romance is dead.

Great math, though, genius.

Anyway, the game is called I Never.

Is that everyone in?

I'm in. I'm in.

Okay, so let's start with something
easy. Lisa, you want to start?

Um, well...

I've never had sex.

That's an easy one.

Lisa, you're only supposed to drink it
if you have done it.

Does oral sex count?

Not according to our former president.

Hold on. I thought you were saving
yourself for Mr. Right. What happened?

It was an accident.

What? How do you accidentally blow a
guy?

You guys, it was a matter of life or
death.

It happened when I had a Bible count. It
was late, and I was getting ready to go

to sleep when Peter came into the tent.

Hey, Peter.

It was a boy in Newton's kindergarten.

We grew up together.

So, um, I thought we could read a few
passages before bedtime.

Okay. It's just so inspiring, don't you
think?

Of course, Peter. What do you want to
study?

Um, what about the carnal sin?

Okay.

Oh, one second. I have to tinkle before
I begin.

Okay.

We are practically brother and sister.

You blew your brother?

Ew.

What happened?

I got bit by a badger. Quick, you guys
suck the badger poison out.

Apparently,

a badger had bitten him.

On God's special organ.

I sucked.

And I sucked.

Until all the poison shot out at once.

You do know badges aren't poisonous.

Hindsight is 20 -20. I feel so dirty.

You're a hero.

I saved 14 other boys that night.

Damn, girl. Come on.

You're kidding, right?

Got you there for a second.

Okay, okay. Moving on. My turn.

I never had a threesome.

My man, Freddie.

Ew. Are you kidding me?

You're trying to tell me that you
disappointed two girls at the same time?

Hey, hey, it was prom night.

Susie Marie and little old me playing
Lucky Pierre.

You know, my dad sprung for our hotel
room, you know, told me to dominate the

line of scrimmage.

What she really meant was to vote a
couple chicks.

Ew. All right.

We're going to try to make it harder.

Are you ready?

I think so.

And I've never had a foursome.

No. You dog.

Please.

You're trying to tell me you've been
with three girls at the same time?

Yeah.

Helen missed the limo, so she had to
take a cab.

Thanks.

Sorry I'm late.

We started without you.

I'm not proud.

I mean, well, I kind of am.

Fuck it, I'm proud.

I like that. That's pretty awesome, man.

You're lying.

Oh, you don't believe me. All right,
call up the Jameson Hotel. Ask them what

happened in room 508 that night.

And you think that your sexual conquest
was so incredible that they're still

going to remember after all this time?
Well, they'll never forget. Believe me.

Even if it was true, why would anyone
else know in the hotel?

We were on the fifth floor.

And we landed on the fourth.

shaken up, but that didn't stop us.

But what happened to the people in 408?

That's when it became a five -thumb, six
-thumb.

Ew, you're physically disgusting. Hey,
hey, hey, we can build on that.

Well, there's no top in that story.

Okay, fine, I made it up. All of it? It
was room 412.

I'm just fucking with you.

Trust me, that will never happen.

Okay. Wait till I tell you about the...
The 32 -some at the swim meet. It's a

mind scrambler.

I want to hear from James.

Yeah. No, forget it. Come on, James. No,
I got nothing.

Oh, sure you do. Come on, surprise us.

I guess that I've never been in love.

I forgot to, um... Dude, that was harsh.

Yeah, dude, man, I'm fucked up, and even
I know that wasn't cool, man.

James, what the hell is your problem?

You know you guys are perfect when
you're not fighting. You know, I came

close, this close, to falling in love.

Honey, I'm home. It was a year ago or
something.

Details are kind of fuzzy. How do you
go?

Give me one. She prepared this whole
anniversary thing for us and me. Of

I started celebrating early with the
guys.

Come to daddy.

Hey, baby.

Oh, man, you look... You look cold, very
cold here, bundle up.

I've got a surprise for you.

Wait, don't tell me. Let me guess.

Darth Vader is your real father.

I called it. I knew it because you're
asking the thing. That's what gave it to

me. That's what gave it away.

Close, but no cigar.

Okay, let me think.

I'll give you a clue.

Okay. It's between my legs.

No. Fuck no.

Please tell me you're not a dude.

Please. Why does this keep happening to
me?

Will you just look?

Okay, I'll look. But if I see Wayne, I'm
going to hurl.

Okay? It's inevitable.

Oh, yeah.

What is this?

Oh, my God, baby.

Krug's Clos du Mesnil?

Blanc de Blancs.

This is priceless.

That was it.

That was the moment. I'm going to have
some of this right now.

That's the stuff.

Okay, well, I've got a little surprise
for you.

No, not that.

See that?

Aw, baby, that's sweet. But I stopped
taking money for sex weeks ago.

Joking.

My grandmother's.

She was married 72 years.

She gave it to me on her deathbed.

Okay, all right, I'm joking.

She thought I was Lee Majors and I was
going to marry her to get her out of the

home. But still, it's yours now.

Yeah, it doesn't fit. I know grandma was
quite a heffalump.

Sausage fingers.

But don't worry, we'll get it sized to
fit a human, okay, baby?

Oh.

Oh.

That was so beautiful.

What went wrong?

I woke up.

She'd gone.

Left the ring.

Came this close to falling in love.

Guess I dodged that bullet.

Allergies. Is there a cat in here or
something?

Oh shit, I got a meeting scheduled. I'm
gonna be fucking late now and great and

fucking thanks.

Good game.

Ophelia.

Are you okay?

It's just, you don't smoke.

Thought I'd try something new.

You want to talk about it?

First Columbus discovered tobacco.

1492. James, you want to talk about what
happened with James?

I came this close.

This close to being in love.

And I blew it.

I had everything planned out.

I was going to tell him how I felt.

I was going to show him how I felt.

I was going to tell him I loved him.

With all my heart.

And just like James always does, he beat
me to it.

He pulled out his grandmother's ring.

He asked you to marry him?

He was drunk.

Sounded more like pillow Mary's teeth.

What did you say?

I didn't. I panicked.

I grabbed him. I kissed him. I sagged
his brains out.

He didn't say yes?

I've known James since he was 16.

I've loved him since that very first
day.

But he's still that same kid I met all
those years ago.

And I'm not.

I thought, the older we get, the more
the gap will widen.

I want to have kids who want to get
drunk and party.

I'll want to think about retirement
plans, and he'll be planning some new

of Co -Ed's Gone Crazy DVDs.

So I left.

I sat there for maybe an hour, maybe a
day, I don't know.

But eventually I got to thinking, I
don't care.

I don't care that he's a man in a
child's body.

I don't care that he's never done the
right thing his whole life.

I don't care that he doesn't look after
himself. I love him.

I love him because of all those things.

I went straight back home.

I didn't want to spend another minute
without him.

Too late.

I blew it.

Did you tell him what happened?

How you were feeling?

I tried, but... He wouldn't even
acknowledge that he'd given me the ring.

That he pawned it for beer money.

I never meant to hurt him.

What's a blind date party?

Any potential prince charming can come
up and kiss you. I'm here.

Yum, you taste like glue.

Yes.

You caught me. Suck out all the badger
poison.

Cheese, never ever, never ever better
than me.

Cheese, never ever, never ever.

better than me and she's never ever ever
better than me