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Previously on
"Miracle Workers"...
2
00:00:03,403 --> 00:00:05,060
I want to do more
to help.
3
00:00:05,095 --> 00:00:08,063
I will transfer you to the
Department of Answered Prayers.
4
00:00:08,098 --> 00:00:09,754
Impossibles go all the way
to the top.
5
00:00:09,789 --> 00:00:12,102
And so, if anyone
can handle them, he can.
6
00:00:12,136 --> 00:00:14,725
I decided to blow up Earth.
I guess that's it.
7
00:00:14,759 --> 00:00:17,624
If I answer one of these
"Impossible" prayers,
8
00:00:17,659 --> 00:00:18,729
you spare Earth.
9
00:00:18,763 --> 00:00:20,420
It's a bet.
10
00:00:20,455 --> 00:00:22,181
I really like this girl.
11
00:00:22,215 --> 00:00:24,493
Okay,
love prayers never work.
12
00:00:24,528 --> 00:00:25,667
But related prayer.
13
00:00:25,701 --> 00:00:27,841
I really like this guy.
14
00:00:28,773 --> 00:00:30,603
Okay.
This could work.
15
00:00:41,165 --> 00:00:43,478
Rosie, if anyone comes
looking for me,
16
00:00:43,512 --> 00:00:45,687
tell them
I'm in a meeting.
17
00:00:45,721 --> 00:00:47,654
With God!
18
00:00:49,794 --> 00:00:52,694
Religion --
stupid, dangerous, pointless.
19
00:00:52,728 --> 00:00:53,902
Just everything up.
20
00:00:53,936 --> 00:00:55,559
Hey, I got all
your missed calls.
21
00:00:55,593 --> 00:00:57,423
What's the emergency?Man: Love you, Bill!
22
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,632
Have you heard
of this guy Bill Maher?
23
00:00:59,666 --> 00:01:01,599
The talk-show guy?
Yeah.
24
00:01:01,634 --> 00:01:02,876
Do you think he's funny?
25
00:01:02,911 --> 00:01:04,223
'Cause I've been watching
his stuff,
26
00:01:04,257 --> 00:01:06,121
and I don't know
about these jokes.
27
00:01:06,156 --> 00:01:08,123
You mean the jokes about you?Oh, no.
28
00:01:08,158 --> 00:01:09,883
I don't care about that.
I mean
29
00:01:09,918 --> 00:01:13,197
No, I just -- I just don't --
I don't think he's funny.
30
00:01:13,232 --> 00:01:14,888
So, what do
you want to do?
31
00:01:14,923 --> 00:01:18,409
Well, I mean, I wasn't thinking
about "doing" anything.
32
00:01:18,444 --> 00:01:21,205
I'm just -- But now
that you bring it up,
33
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:23,207
what's that thing
that where we can, uh...
34
00:01:23,242 --> 00:01:24,864
you know...
Kill him?
35
00:01:24,898 --> 00:01:26,555
Whoa! Sanj!
36
00:01:26,590 --> 00:01:29,386
Did you just drop the "K" bomb?
Wow!
37
00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:31,905
Wouldn't want to get
on your bad side, Ice Man.
38
00:01:32,975 --> 00:01:34,322
Ai-ai-uh-uh!
Whoo! Uh!
39
00:01:34,356 --> 00:01:35,461
Ooh! Freezer burn.
40
00:01:37,256 --> 00:01:38,567
But, yeah, kill him.
41
00:01:38,602 --> 00:01:40,604
Okay.
Well, the good news is,
42
00:01:40,638 --> 00:01:42,537
Bill Maher's
already scheduled to die
43
00:01:42,571 --> 00:01:44,884
along with everyone else, when
the Earth explodes in 13 days.
44
00:01:44,918 --> 00:01:46,886
You know what's funny,
is that,
45
00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:50,959
you know how sometimes, like,
a day can feel so long?
46
00:01:50,993 --> 00:01:52,512
Okay, I'll go find a way
to kill him.
47
00:01:52,547 --> 00:01:54,790
Ice Man.
48
00:01:54,825 --> 00:01:56,413
I love you, buddy.
49
00:01:56,447 --> 00:01:57,690
Okay.
50
00:02:29,653 --> 00:02:31,379
Okay.
51
00:02:31,413 --> 00:02:32,897
If we're gonna get
these humans kissing,
52
00:02:32,932 --> 00:02:34,382
we need to know more
about them.
Right.
53
00:02:34,416 --> 00:02:36,763
First up, we have Laura.
24 years old.
54
00:02:36,798 --> 00:02:40,595
Works at an escape room
called "Solitary Confunment."
55
00:02:40,629 --> 00:02:42,873
Listen up, ya jailbirds.
56
00:02:42,907 --> 00:02:45,876
A couple
of ground rules, see?
57
00:02:45,910 --> 00:02:48,292
Don't touch
the actors, see?
58
00:02:48,327 --> 00:02:51,468
And if you're looking for
some clues, just ask the...
59
00:02:51,502 --> 00:02:52,952
warden.
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00:02:52,986 --> 00:02:54,436
Woman: End clip.
61
00:02:54,471 --> 00:02:56,266
What about Sam?
What's his deal?
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00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:57,991
So, Sam is
also 24 years old.
63
00:02:58,026 --> 00:02:59,579
He was born
with extra teeth,
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00:02:59,614 --> 00:03:01,478
and he seems to really love
his grandmother.
65
00:03:01,512 --> 00:03:03,342
Both: Yahtzee!
66
00:03:05,792 --> 00:03:08,278
Oh, this might be harder
than we thought.
67
00:03:08,312 --> 00:03:10,659
Well, look, neither of them
are particularly socially adept.
68
00:03:10,694 --> 00:03:13,455
But I ran
a compatibility check,
69
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:16,562
and they scored a 98%.
70
00:03:16,596 --> 00:03:19,323
Whoa!
They have so much in common.
71
00:03:19,358 --> 00:03:21,256
They both pretend to text
in elevators
72
00:03:21,291 --> 00:03:22,809
in order to avoid
potential small talk.
73
00:03:22,844 --> 00:03:24,466
They were both
accidentally omitted
74
00:03:24,501 --> 00:03:25,985
from their high-school
yearbook.Both: Dang.
75
00:03:26,019 --> 00:03:27,780
They laugh at the same
insurance commercial,
76
00:03:27,814 --> 00:03:29,575
they cry
at the same car commercial,
77
00:03:29,609 --> 00:03:32,957
and they sing along incorrectly
to the same dumb commercial.
78
00:03:32,992 --> 00:03:35,857
♪ Chewing some gum
and having a fun ♪
79
00:03:35,891 --> 00:03:37,928
Ooh, they both love gye-ros
with extra green onions.
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00:03:37,962 --> 00:03:39,516
I think it's pronounced
"jai-ros" but yes,
81
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:40,965
and they both have
matching pollen allergies.
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00:03:42,450 --> 00:03:43,899
No wonder they want
to be together.
83
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:46,005
Unfortunately,
they are both so shy
84
00:03:46,039 --> 00:03:47,938
that they haven't
actually communicated
85
00:03:47,972 --> 00:03:49,802
since the night they met.
86
00:03:49,836 --> 00:03:51,769
What are
they waiting for?
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00:03:51,804 --> 00:03:53,771
A sign.
88
00:03:53,806 --> 00:03:56,015
Cool.
How does it work?
89
00:03:56,049 --> 00:04:00,295
We send them subtle clues to
gently influence their actions.
90
00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:02,297
-Huh.
-Yeah!
91
00:04:02,332 --> 00:04:03,919
Now, on the night they met,
they had
92
00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:07,337
a fascinating conversation
about the game of badminton.
93
00:04:07,371 --> 00:04:08,959
Let's have a listen.
94
00:04:08,993 --> 00:04:11,341
So, I hit the badminton thing
with the badminton racket,
95
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:13,757
and I was like,
"Badminton's fun.
96
00:04:13,791 --> 00:04:15,793
I think I like badminton."
97
00:04:15,828 --> 00:04:17,761
Wow. I-I've never played
badminton,
98
00:04:17,795 --> 00:04:19,003
but I really want to now.
99
00:04:19,038 --> 00:04:20,660
You should!Woman: End clip.
100
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,352
They spoke of badminton.
101
00:04:22,386 --> 00:04:25,009
Thus, if we remind them
of badminton,
102
00:04:25,044 --> 00:04:27,011
they will see it as a sign --
103
00:04:27,046 --> 00:04:28,944
a call to arms.
104
00:04:28,979 --> 00:04:31,499
Each other's arms,
as it were.
105
00:04:32,638 --> 00:04:34,053
Yeah.
I mean, I don't know.
106
00:04:34,087 --> 00:04:36,780
The game begins.
107
00:04:41,854 --> 00:04:45,133
So, I found some build-up
in Bill Maher's left ventricle.
108
00:04:45,167 --> 00:04:46,859
Looks like all we have to do
is thicken it up,
109
00:04:46,893 --> 00:04:49,413
and he'll have a massive
heart attack by end of day.
110
00:04:49,448 --> 00:04:51,795
Wow, that's great, Sanjay!
111
00:04:51,829 --> 00:04:53,659
So we could explode
his heart...
Mm-hmm.
112
00:04:53,693 --> 00:04:54,936
...or his lungs...
113
00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:56,489
or his penis.
114
00:04:56,524 --> 00:04:57,835
Explode his penis?
115
00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,768
Whoa, Sanjay!
116
00:04:59,803 --> 00:05:01,425
Now, that'san idea!
117
00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:03,013
Oh, no. I don't know
if, uh, that's...
Rosie!
118
00:05:03,047 --> 00:05:04,877
...something that...
119
00:05:04,911 --> 00:05:06,534
Wow, you're not
gonna believe this.
120
00:05:06,568 --> 00:05:10,365
Sanjay, tell Rosie your idea
about Bill Maher.
121
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,472
About his penis.
122
00:05:13,506 --> 00:05:18,649
I guess, uh...my idea...
123
00:05:18,684 --> 00:05:21,411
is to explode his penis.
124
00:05:21,445 --> 00:05:23,965
Wow.
I know.
125
00:05:23,999 --> 00:05:26,554
Ice Man is on the warpath.
126
00:05:26,588 --> 00:05:28,935
Better go handle that.
127
00:05:31,041 --> 00:05:33,940
So, uh, I guess, uh,
we should probably get started.
128
00:05:33,975 --> 00:05:36,805
No.
This is all you.
129
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:39,083
This is insane!
130
00:05:39,118 --> 00:05:40,913
I'm an executive.
131
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,675
Have fun!
132
00:05:44,710 --> 00:05:46,815
Gust. Gust.
133
00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:49,922
Breeze. Zephyr.
134
00:05:49,956 --> 00:05:52,580
Quarter-breeze.
Updraft.
135
00:05:52,614 --> 00:05:54,685
Yes! Boo-yah!
136
00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,067
In a mere six hours,
I've successfully blown
137
00:05:57,101 --> 00:05:59,172
a badminton birdie
from a rooftop court
138
00:05:59,207 --> 00:06:01,761
all the way
to Laura's living room.
139
00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:04,419
That is
what I call a sign.
140
00:06:06,870 --> 00:06:08,872
Mmm.
What is that?
141
00:06:08,906 --> 00:06:10,977
It's a mustard packet.
It's a little treat.
142
00:06:11,012 --> 00:06:12,945
You do something good,
you get a little reward.
143
00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:15,085
Here. Have one.
144
00:06:15,119 --> 00:06:16,983
Oh, hello. Look.
It's happening.
145
00:06:20,159 --> 00:06:23,196
Hmm.
146
00:06:23,645 --> 00:06:26,545
Okay.
Onto the next sign.
147
00:06:26,579 --> 00:06:28,512
Craig, okay, I've been
doing research,
148
00:06:28,547 --> 00:06:31,135
and it seems like people
never pick up on signs.
149
00:06:31,170 --> 00:06:33,828
Okay? No matter
how obvious they are. Look.
150
00:06:33,862 --> 00:06:35,450
Ooh!
151
00:06:35,485 --> 00:06:38,073
'Tis a crow-y day, indeed.
152
00:06:38,108 --> 00:06:40,731
Well, time for the theater.
153
00:06:40,766 --> 00:06:42,457
This will be a normal night.
154
00:06:42,492 --> 00:06:45,149
See? This badminton thing
is not gonna work.
155
00:06:45,184 --> 00:06:47,255
We need to be bolder.
156
00:06:47,289 --> 00:06:48,152
What?
157
00:06:48,187 --> 00:06:50,154
Eliza?
158
00:06:50,189 --> 00:06:52,605
Out of my way, black cat.
159
00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,987
I'm late for my fun play.
160
00:07:15,525 --> 00:07:18,113
Hey, colleagues!
161
00:07:18,148 --> 00:07:21,979
Ahh!
I'm Sanjay from upstairs.
162
00:07:22,014 --> 00:07:24,879
Love what you guys
do down here.Oh, thanks.
163
00:07:24,913 --> 00:07:27,122
Um, we -- we hardly ever
get acknowledged, so --
164
00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:29,780
Listen, I'm gonna need you
to explode Bill Maher's penis.
165
00:07:29,815 --> 00:07:31,817
What?
It's important.
166
00:07:31,851 --> 00:07:34,129
Um, sir, I-I think there's
been a misunderstanding
167
00:07:34,164 --> 00:07:35,821
about what we do here
in Genitals.
168
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:37,201
Our powers are
extremely limited.
169
00:07:37,236 --> 00:07:39,825
We mainly just try
to enforce puberty.
170
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:41,551
Well, I need
this dick exploded.
171
00:07:41,585 --> 00:07:45,175
So I guess you better
get to it, huh?
172
00:07:45,209 --> 00:07:48,178
Thaaaaanks, guys.
173
00:07:48,212 --> 00:07:49,697
Okay.
174
00:07:49,731 --> 00:07:51,492
Do you guys know how to...
175
00:07:52,769 --> 00:07:55,047
Ha!
I figured it out.
176
00:07:55,081 --> 00:07:56,704
We can get Sam
and Laura together.
177
00:07:56,738 --> 00:07:59,569
We just need to engineer...
a Chance Encounter.
178
00:07:59,603 --> 00:08:01,605
Oh, no.
Those are very risky.
179
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:02,848
Check it out.
180
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,988
They both live near
the same hospital,
181
00:08:05,022 --> 00:08:07,162
so all we need to do is get
them there at the same time.
182
00:08:07,197 --> 00:08:09,061
Step one -- injure Laura.
183
00:08:09,095 --> 00:08:12,167
I found a melon near an open
window along her route to work.
184
00:08:12,202 --> 00:08:14,273
We blow it off,
it clonks her on the head,
185
00:08:14,307 --> 00:08:16,033
and she goes straight
to the ER.
186
00:08:16,068 --> 00:08:19,312
With Sam, I figure we
just pop his appendix.
187
00:08:19,347 --> 00:08:20,797
They spot each other
in the ER,
188
00:08:20,831 --> 00:08:24,801
sparks fly, they kiss.
189
00:08:24,835 --> 00:08:26,941
World saved.
190
00:08:26,975 --> 00:08:29,564
Okay. It's very --
It's -- I don't --
191
00:08:29,599 --> 00:08:30,841
I don't know, though.
Um...
192
00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:32,325
Oh, don't worry.
Appendixes are easy.
193
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:34,189
Look, there's even a button
for it.
194
00:08:34,224 --> 00:08:35,363
Oh, you've seen that.
195
00:08:35,397 --> 00:08:37,123
Um...
I know.
196
00:08:37,158 --> 00:08:39,747
This is not the kind of stuff
you usually do,
197
00:08:39,781 --> 00:08:42,025
and it's a little,
you know --
198
00:08:42,059 --> 00:08:43,682
It's outside
of your comfort zone,
199
00:08:43,716 --> 00:08:45,373
and I get
why you're scared.
200
00:08:45,407 --> 00:08:47,133
Oh, no. No.
I'm not scared.
201
00:08:47,168 --> 00:08:48,652
You're not?
No.
202
00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:51,137
I'm a bold, intrepid man
with a strong mind.
203
00:08:51,172 --> 00:08:52,138
I'm a risk taker.
204
00:08:52,173 --> 00:08:55,176
I'm a big, bad boy.
205
00:08:55,210 --> 00:08:57,972
So that's a yes
to the plan?
206
00:08:58,006 --> 00:08:59,042
Yes.
207
00:08:59,076 --> 00:09:00,043
Yes?
Yes.
208
00:09:00,077 --> 00:09:01,803
Yes!
Yeah.
209
00:09:01,838 --> 00:09:04,081
Oh, yes.
Okay.
210
00:09:04,116 --> 00:09:07,222
I hope these lovebirds
like hospital food.
211
00:09:09,362 --> 00:09:12,642
Oh, Jean-Claude,
I'd be lost without you.
212
00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:14,057
Don't neglect
the heel cap.
213
00:09:14,091 --> 00:09:15,368
You know what they say.
214
00:09:15,403 --> 00:09:16,887
It's not the clothes
that make the man.
215
00:09:16,922 --> 00:09:18,337
It's the man who makes the --
216
00:09:18,371 --> 00:09:19,856
Aren't you meant to be off
dealing with that penis?
217
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:21,858
Oh, yeah.
I put someone on that.
218
00:09:21,892 --> 00:09:24,412
Part of being an executive
is knowing when to delegate.
219
00:09:24,446 --> 00:09:26,310
God: Sanjay!
Get in here!
220
00:09:26,345 --> 00:09:27,657
You don't have to come.
221
00:09:29,728 --> 00:09:31,143
Look at this! Bill Maher,
222
00:09:31,177 --> 00:09:32,972
or should we say
"Bill More,"
223
00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:35,009
was feeling cocky
as he dragged
224
00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:37,805
more than one hot dog
down the street.
225
00:09:37,839 --> 00:09:38,909
His dick grew!
226
00:09:38,944 --> 00:09:41,360
We asked
the anti-religious provocateur
227
00:09:41,394 --> 00:09:44,052
how he felt about his blessing, and the funnyman quipped,
228
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,848
"God is as fake
as my dick is huge."
229
00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:48,850
Happy birthday to Bill Maher!
230
00:09:48,885 --> 00:09:50,300
Come on!I don't know what happened!
231
00:09:50,334 --> 00:09:51,715
I'll tell you what happened.
232
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,199
You messed up, man!
233
00:09:53,234 --> 00:09:54,856
I thought
you could handle this.
234
00:09:54,891 --> 00:09:56,927
You're supposed to be
an executive.
235
00:09:59,309 --> 00:10:03,658
Stick around for more girthy
gossip right after the break.
236
00:10:03,693 --> 00:10:04,901
All right.
237
00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:07,800
Melon is in position.
238
00:10:07,835 --> 00:10:10,044
All we gotta do now
is hit this button,
239
00:10:10,078 --> 00:10:11,666
and bonk!
We're in business.
240
00:10:11,701 --> 00:10:13,841
Woman:
Laura approaching.
241
00:10:13,875 --> 00:10:15,670
All right.
Let's do this.
242
00:10:18,190 --> 00:10:19,467
Oh, no! Wait!
243
00:10:19,501 --> 00:10:21,849
Um, we --
we don't have enough power
244
00:10:21,883 --> 00:10:23,713
to execute this sequence.What?
245
00:10:23,747 --> 00:10:27,164
We need to increase the voltage
to the valve coil,
246
00:10:27,199 --> 00:10:28,718
which is sort of
down there a bit.
247
00:10:28,752 --> 00:10:29,857
Oh. Oh, okay.
248
00:10:29,891 --> 00:10:31,030
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay, thank you.
249
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,342
Dream team.
Whoo-hoo, yes.
250
00:10:45,355 --> 00:10:47,046
Huh.
251
00:10:47,081 --> 00:10:51,050
I couldn't find a breaker box
or anything resembling a --
252
00:10:52,189 --> 00:10:53,501
What the
253
00:10:53,535 --> 00:10:56,331
What happened?
Oh, no!
254
00:10:56,366 --> 00:10:57,885
Did it fall early?!
255
00:10:57,919 --> 00:11:00,163
Oh, what a disappointment
for both of us.
256
00:11:01,889 --> 00:11:04,201
So, I had an idea
for a sign
257
00:11:04,236 --> 00:11:06,307
involving their matching
pollen allergies.
258
00:11:06,341 --> 00:11:08,033
Did you do this?
259
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:11,864
Yes! Yes, yes!
Why?
260
00:11:11,899 --> 00:11:13,038
Because I -- If I can
be extremely blunt,
261
00:11:13,072 --> 00:11:16,869
I just thought that your plan
was maybe possibly --
262
00:11:16,904 --> 00:11:17,939
Stupid.
My plan was stupid.
263
00:11:17,974 --> 00:11:19,009
No.Is that what you're saying?
264
00:11:19,044 --> 00:11:20,390
No, no, no, no, no.
265
00:11:20,424 --> 00:11:22,081
It's -- It's just that,
yesterday, you --
266
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,359
you did cause
that typhoon,
267
00:11:24,394 --> 00:11:26,499
which unfortunately
killed many people, and then,
268
00:11:26,534 --> 00:11:28,225
after that, you convinced God
to blow up the Earth,
269
00:11:28,260 --> 00:11:31,953
so I just think that a little
bit of caution is advisable.
270
00:11:31,988 --> 00:11:34,956
You're not cautious, Craig.
271
00:11:34,991 --> 00:11:36,302
You're a coward.
272
00:11:40,203 --> 00:11:42,032
Man: Oh, shit.
My melon.
273
00:11:42,067 --> 00:11:43,827
Man #2:
There goes our fruit salad.
274
00:11:43,862 --> 00:11:45,415
Barbara's gonna be furious.
275
00:11:53,285 --> 00:11:54,562
Oh.
276
00:11:54,596 --> 00:11:56,219
Good.
There you are.
277
00:11:56,253 --> 00:11:57,945
Um...
278
00:11:57,979 --> 00:12:00,844
can we go back downstairs
where it's not as dangerous
279
00:12:00,879 --> 00:12:03,536
and there's not ledges
to stand near?
280
00:12:03,571 --> 00:12:05,400
Uh, right you are.
281
00:12:10,095 --> 00:12:12,304
I'm very sorry
that I broke the melon.
282
00:12:12,338 --> 00:12:14,133
It's fine.
283
00:12:14,168 --> 00:12:17,550
I was just trying to help,
but, as usual,
284
00:12:17,585 --> 00:12:19,138
I made things worse.
285
00:12:19,173 --> 00:12:22,210
Eliza, you're down
on yourself, and I get it.
286
00:12:22,245 --> 00:12:24,385
If the world explodes,
then you will go down
287
00:12:24,419 --> 00:12:25,973
as history's
greatest murderer.
288
00:12:26,007 --> 00:12:27,940
Nobody wants that.From now on,
289
00:12:27,975 --> 00:12:30,253
I am just going to stay
out of the way.
290
00:12:30,287 --> 00:12:31,426
No.
Please no.
291
00:12:31,461 --> 00:12:34,153
I need you in the way.
Why?
292
00:12:34,188 --> 00:12:35,983
Because you were right
about me.
293
00:12:36,017 --> 00:12:37,260
Right?
I am not brave.
294
00:12:37,294 --> 00:12:39,572
Not even slightly.
But you are.
295
00:12:39,607 --> 00:12:41,022
And -- And that --
That's --
296
00:12:41,057 --> 00:12:42,955
That's what Earth needs
right now.
297
00:12:42,990 --> 00:12:45,544
And I certainly can't do this
without you.
298
00:12:48,098 --> 00:12:50,238
Also, I've been thinking
about it, and you were right.
299
00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:52,965
A Chance Encounter
really might work.
300
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,141
We just have to refine
the execution a bit.
301
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,590
How?
302
00:12:57,625 --> 00:12:59,938
Well, I don't know yet,
but I was kind of hoping
303
00:12:59,972 --> 00:13:01,284
we could figure that
out together.
304
00:13:07,083 --> 00:13:08,325
Okay.
305
00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:09,568
Okay.
Downstairs?
306
00:13:09,602 --> 00:13:11,018
Yes.
Thank you,
307
00:13:11,052 --> 00:13:12,916
thank you.
308
00:13:18,439 --> 00:13:20,096
What the shit?!
309
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:22,132
Oh, I-I-I can explain.
310
00:13:22,167 --> 00:13:25,135
We pumped Bill Maher's glands
full of hormones in hopes
311
00:13:25,170 --> 00:13:28,242
that his penis would expand
and then pop like a balloon,
312
00:13:28,276 --> 00:13:31,348
and everything was going
smoothly, but then --
313
00:13:31,383 --> 00:13:33,074
What?!
314
00:13:33,109 --> 00:13:35,456
As Bill's penis
became larger,
315
00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:38,459
it grew more -- more beautiful.
316
00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:40,875
At a certain point, we realized
it would be immoral for us
317
00:13:40,910 --> 00:13:42,428
to destroy
something so perfect.
318
00:13:42,463 --> 00:13:43,878
I don't care.
319
00:13:43,913 --> 00:13:45,224
This is
coming from the top!
320
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:47,571
Just blow it up!
321
00:13:47,606 --> 00:13:51,161
With respect, we refuse.
322
00:13:51,196 --> 00:13:53,267
This isn't
the Department of Anuses.
323
00:13:53,301 --> 00:13:55,027
We have integrity.
324
00:13:55,062 --> 00:13:56,270
Okay, fine!
325
00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:58,962
I'll do it myself!
326
00:13:58,997 --> 00:14:00,964
Woman:
Pump-O-Tron activated.
327
00:14:03,311 --> 00:14:05,141
Why isn't this working?
328
00:14:05,175 --> 00:14:07,108
You have to put your eyes up
to the eye hole,
329
00:14:07,143 --> 00:14:10,284
and, uh, stare at
the penis when you pump.
330
00:14:10,318 --> 00:14:12,251
Why?
331
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:14,081
Uh, I don't...
332
00:14:17,015 --> 00:14:18,395
How many pumps
is this gonna take?
333
00:14:18,430 --> 00:14:19,983
50,000.
334
00:14:20,018 --> 00:14:23,021
50,000?
335
00:14:23,055 --> 00:14:25,299
Yeah. 50,000.
336
00:14:29,613 --> 00:14:31,098
1.
337
00:14:31,132 --> 00:14:33,100
2.
338
00:14:33,134 --> 00:14:35,033
Okay, here's our target --
Bob's Hummus House.
339
00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:37,449
It's perfect --
halfway between Sam
340
00:14:37,483 --> 00:14:40,210
and Laura's apartments.And, most importantly,
it serves their favorite food.
341
00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:41,522
Gyros.
342
00:14:41,556 --> 00:14:43,110
Let's get them there.
343
00:14:43,144 --> 00:14:45,733
First step -- cut off
their food supply.
344
00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:48,563
Oh. Dang.
345
00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:49,702
Laura's a little trickier.
346
00:14:49,737 --> 00:14:51,118
She never has any food
in the house.
347
00:14:51,152 --> 00:14:52,464
Always orders in.
348
00:14:52,498 --> 00:14:54,984
Lucky for us,
there's a simple fix.
349
00:14:55,018 --> 00:14:57,641
We blow up the satellite
for her cellphone provider.
350
00:15:01,128 --> 00:15:02,439
Oh, dang.
351
00:15:02,474 --> 00:15:05,373
Nice work.
Now to lure them in.
352
00:15:16,488 --> 00:15:19,008
Mmm, gye-ro.
353
00:15:20,595 --> 00:15:22,356
Mmm.
354
00:15:22,390 --> 00:15:23,944
Jai-ros.
355
00:15:25,669 --> 00:15:29,294
30 seconds to contact.
356
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:30,709
Wait.
Why is Sam stopping?
357
00:15:30,743 --> 00:15:32,573
Ooh, pizza.
358
00:15:32,607 --> 00:15:33,781
No, no, no.
What?
359
00:15:33,815 --> 00:15:34,782
No, I've scanned the route
three times.
360
00:15:34,816 --> 00:15:37,302
Every place Sam likes
should be closed by now.
361
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:39,269
No, something's happening
at Pizza Bongiorno.
362
00:15:39,304 --> 00:15:42,031
If you're just joining us,
comedian Bill Maher
363
00:15:42,065 --> 00:15:45,103
is dead after a tragic
and confusing incident
364
00:15:45,137 --> 00:15:48,037
that has shaken the world
of comedy and medicine.
365
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:50,039
We have to close
that shop. Now.
366
00:15:50,073 --> 00:15:52,144
Maher's family has announced
that the funeral
367
00:15:52,179 --> 00:15:54,250
will
"definitely be closed casket."
368
00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:56,528
Aaaah!
369
00:15:58,461 --> 00:15:59,738
I did it.
370
00:16:01,498 --> 00:16:03,121
It's done.
371
00:16:03,155 --> 00:16:06,158
Look.
Look, he's turning back around.
372
00:16:06,193 --> 00:16:07,642
Yes!
373
00:16:07,677 --> 00:16:09,472
Awesome work.
We're back on track.
374
00:16:09,506 --> 00:16:10,645
Thank you,
and this pizza gentleman
375
00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:11,543
is gonna live, right?
376
00:16:11,577 --> 00:16:13,752
We are back on track.
377
00:16:20,483 --> 00:16:21,449
No! They're gonna miss
each other!
378
00:16:21,484 --> 00:16:22,450
What do we do now?
379
00:16:22,485 --> 00:16:24,487
I've got an idea.
380
00:16:29,802 --> 00:16:31,459
Matching pollen allergies.
381
00:16:31,494 --> 00:16:32,840
You're good.
382
00:16:32,874 --> 00:16:34,842
Gesundheit.
383
00:16:34,876 --> 00:16:36,292
Sam?
384
00:16:36,326 --> 00:16:38,052
Laura?
385
00:16:38,087 --> 00:16:40,089
Wow.
386
00:16:41,469 --> 00:16:43,644
Now what?
387
00:16:43,678 --> 00:16:46,750
Now we just sit back
and watch the sparks fly.
388
00:16:54,620 --> 00:16:56,553
Remember the bathroom line
at the party?
389
00:16:56,588 --> 00:16:58,659
Yeah, yeah.
390
00:16:58,693 --> 00:17:00,454
It was long.
391
00:17:00,488 --> 00:17:02,594
Ohh, no.
392
00:17:02,628 --> 00:17:03,871
-Not like here.
-Nope.
393
00:17:03,905 --> 00:17:07,737
There's -- There's
no bathroom line.
394
00:17:07,771 --> 00:17:09,635
Nope.
395
00:17:09,670 --> 00:17:11,741
I can't watch this.It's really hard to watch.
396
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,438
Can I maybe get your number?Do you want to
hang out sometime?
397
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,784
Both: Yes.
398
00:17:20,819 --> 00:17:21,578
What?! Yes!
399
00:17:21,613 --> 00:17:22,614
Yes!
Go on!
400
00:17:22,648 --> 00:17:24,133
Oh, yes!
Never in doubt!
401
00:17:24,167 --> 00:17:25,789
Yes! Yeah!
Yes!
402
00:17:25,824 --> 00:17:27,412
Yes!
Oh!
403
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:28,551
-Go!
-Yes!
404
00:17:28,585 --> 00:17:31,140
Go, Sam and Laura.
405
00:17:31,174 --> 00:17:33,763
Oh, thank you.
Help yourself to one of these.Oh, no.
406
00:17:33,797 --> 00:17:34,764
I'm gonna put you
in your phone.
407
00:17:34,798 --> 00:17:36,593
My --
Your --
408
00:17:36,628 --> 00:17:38,595
I'm gonna put
my name as "Sam."
Sam. Yeah.
409
00:17:39,734 --> 00:17:42,116
All right, Sanjay!
410
00:17:42,151 --> 00:17:44,291
I hope you're proud.
You look proud.
411
00:17:44,325 --> 00:17:46,500
Tell you what,
I'm proud of you. Wow.
412
00:17:46,534 --> 00:17:49,675
I mean, I know
how much you hated Bill Maher.
413
00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:51,815
How much he hurt you.
414
00:17:51,850 --> 00:17:53,817
And it would've been so easy
for you
415
00:17:53,852 --> 00:17:56,372
to just keep taking the hits,
night after night,
416
00:17:56,406 --> 00:17:57,787
special after special.
417
00:17:57,821 --> 00:17:59,375
But you stuck to your guns,
418
00:17:59,409 --> 00:18:03,206
and that's why you are
one heck of an executive.
419
00:18:03,241 --> 00:18:06,140
Thanks, God.
420
00:18:06,175 --> 00:18:07,590
All right.
421
00:18:07,624 --> 00:18:09,799
I hope you're hungry
for some gumbo.
422
00:18:09,833 --> 00:18:11,214
What?
423
00:18:11,249 --> 00:18:12,215
Aah!
424
00:18:12,836 --> 00:18:14,493
For Lazy Susan's!
425
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:16,323
Oh, I bet you thought I forget
about our restaurant.
426
00:18:16,357 --> 00:18:18,670
Now, don't worry.
I am still all in,
427
00:18:18,704 --> 00:18:20,568
fully committed to our dream.
428
00:18:20,603 --> 00:18:24,641
Now, I need you to taste-test
all of these gumbos immediately.
429
00:18:24,676 --> 00:18:27,748
They range from very thick
to almost solid.
430
00:18:27,782 --> 00:18:30,889
Can Rosie taste
some of the gumbos?I'm allergic.
431
00:18:30,923 --> 00:18:33,409
Well, that's more for you.
432
00:18:33,443 --> 00:18:36,722
Ah, love you, buddy.
I love you.
433
00:18:36,757 --> 00:18:38,621
Uh-huh.
434
00:18:38,655 --> 00:18:40,623
Oh, and let me know
if you find my tweezers.
435
00:18:40,657 --> 00:18:42,556
Oh, okay.
436
00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:43,936
No, no, no, no.
437
00:18:43,971 --> 00:18:46,387
Rosie, Rosie.
Rosie, this is ridiculous.
438
00:18:46,422 --> 00:18:47,975
Okay, I'm not even hungry.
439
00:18:48,009 --> 00:18:50,219
I ate a full lunch.
440
00:18:50,253 --> 00:18:51,565
My arms are in a sling.
441
00:18:51,599 --> 00:18:53,636
I've got to come
at this mouth-first?!
442
00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:54,982
This is crazy!
443
00:18:55,016 --> 00:18:57,191
I'm an executive!
444
00:18:57,226 --> 00:19:00,436
Good morning, good morning.
How's it going?
445
00:19:00,470 --> 00:19:01,471
She's already texting him.
446
00:19:01,506 --> 00:19:03,266
Oh, nice.
447
00:19:03,301 --> 00:19:04,405
Oh, thanks.
448
00:19:11,999 --> 00:19:14,691
Oh!
I am so sorry.
449
00:19:14,726 --> 00:19:16,900
No, don't, uh...
450
00:19:19,282 --> 00:19:20,973
...worry about it.
451
00:19:21,008 --> 00:19:22,734
Who's this guy?
452
00:19:22,768 --> 00:19:24,287
I don't know.
453
00:19:24,322 --> 00:19:26,841
You know, it's funny. I...
454
00:19:26,876 --> 00:19:28,740
I ran in here to get
out of the rain.
455
00:19:28,774 --> 00:19:33,986
And once we started talking,
the rain stopped.
456
00:19:34,021 --> 00:19:36,817
Maybe it's a sign.
457
00:19:36,851 --> 00:19:37,990
Maybe.
458
00:19:38,025 --> 00:19:40,476
Not a sign. Not a sign.No. No. How?
459
00:19:40,510 --> 00:19:42,616
How would that be a sign?!No, it's not!
It's not a sign!
460
00:19:44,376 --> 00:19:46,447
Pizza-shop owner
and philanthropist
461
00:19:46,482 --> 00:19:48,898
Vincent Alfonsi is fighting
for his life tonight
462
00:19:48,932 --> 00:19:50,762
after his appendix ruptured,
463
00:19:50,796 --> 00:19:54,628
leaving him stranded for hours
inside his darkened pizzeria.
464
00:19:54,662 --> 00:19:56,837
Alfonsi, known for
the Thanksgiving pies
465
00:19:56,871 --> 00:19:59,874
that he distributes personally
to the city's neediest children,
466
00:19:59,909 --> 00:20:01,945
will never walk again.
467
00:20:01,980 --> 00:20:03,844
In my 20 years as a journalist,
468
00:20:03,878 --> 00:20:06,778
I've never seen such a beloved
community fixture suffer
469
00:20:06,812 --> 00:20:09,263
so randomly and horribly.
470
00:20:09,298 --> 00:20:11,541
It makes one question
everything.
471
00:20:11,576 --> 00:20:12,749
Sports is next.
32697
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