All language subtitles for KC S1 E27

Okay, Judy, what is wrong?

Someone killed a tree. I think
they strangled it with lights.

Someone's trying
to send us a message.

Yeah, yeah. And I think
that message is,

"Merry Christmas!"

Christmas trees are a tradition,

like caroling
and hanging stockings.

And don't forget giving gifts.

When it comes to gift giving,

people might say I have a gift.

Yeah, the gift of retelling

that same joke year after year.

Look, okay, if there was, like, a
Christmas gift-giving Olympics,

I would win the gold,
the silver, and the bronze,

and then I would take
that gold, silver and bronze,

I would rewrap it
and give it away as a gift,

because I am that good.

Watch this.

Hey, Dad, I know
it's Christmas Eve,

but I just could not wait
to give you one of your gifts.

Oh, a KC gift?

Bring it on.

All right, so you know,
Christmas is all about family,

and I think everyone
should be together

at this time of year,
but not everyone is here.

Sure we are.

Maybe for Christmas, we
need to get you an eye exam.

No.

Okay?

Not everyone is here.

At least, not for another hour,

when Dad's dad Poppa Earl
arrives at the airport!

That's right, score another
perfect gift from KC.

Take that, Santa.

Why aren't you jumping up
and down and thanking me?

Thanks a lot, KC.

Huh.

Right words, wrong tone.

♪ Oh, when danger
comes for you ♪

♪ You know I'll
stand beside you ♪

♪ 'Cause ain't nobody
keep things hustle cool ♪

♪ I'll always find a way,
a way out of the fire ♪

♪ Don't tell nobody,
tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect ♪

♪ So many things
I wanna tell you ♪

♪ But I, I, I, I keep
it undercover ♪

♪ Livin' my life,
no way to learn ♪

♪ Doin' my thing,
gonna make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest,
baby, I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪

♪ Ain't got to worry about me ♪

♪ It's all part of the plan ♪

♪ I keep it undercover ♪

♪ I keep it undercover, cover ♪

Wait, Dad,
why aren't you excited

that your father's
visiting for Christmas?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Mom, why isn't he excited?

Poppa Earl hasn't visited
in, like, three years.

- Well, I guess...
- That's not a coincidence.

So you two are
mad at each other?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Why didn't I know
that they were in a fight?

Well, we feel that...

Children shouldn't be
burdened with this kind of stuff.

Is there any way
you two can make up?

- I have been saying that...
- I don't wanna talk about it!

My father thinks I'm a very big
disappointment, and I'm tired of it.

And I am tired of not being
able to get in on this conversation.

Dad, you are a super cool,
high-ranking secret agent.

Who wouldn't be proud of...

Oh, right.

Someone who's not
allowed to know

that you're a super cool,
high-ranking secret agent.

Well, we could tell him,

but then, I'd have to kill him.

Ooh, maybe I should tell him.

Dad!

I'm sorry, but for 20 years,

he's been putting me down,
and it's not right.

A father should respect his son.

- Good news, Dad, I found...
- Not now, Ernie.

But now, thanks to
you and your gift,

I gotta deal with
that man criticizing me

under my own roof,
so thanks a lot

for ruining my Christmas.

How you like
your little gift now?

I don't wanna talk about it.

Hurry up and use
those x-ray eyes.

I wanna see what
some of my gifts are.

Hey!

You know those fancy
headphones you wanted.

- Yeah!
- You didn't get 'em.

But you did get
some brand-new tighty-whities.

Score!

If you ask me,
this whole gift-giving thing

is a big ol' waste
of time and effort.

Don't bother getting
me anything.

But gifts are
the best part of Christmas.

Elves at the North Pole
spend all year making them.

Really? Little elves?

At the North Pole?

Making tighty-whities?

We're home.

Push out the way, boy.

I wanna see my grandkids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ooh-whee, look at you,
my sweet angel.

Poppa Earl.

I bet you have to fight
the boys off with a stick.

Yeah, well, sticks...

rocks, nunchucks,
whatever it takes, really.

Ernie.

How the ladies treatin' you?

- About the same.
- Sorry to hear that.

You're a late bloomer,
kinda like your father.

Well, maybe he was
just waiting for

the right girl to come along.

And when you did, he clung
on to you like grim death.

Oh, now, Earl, let's not
relive your wedding toast.

You got a lot of nerve, Dad.

Not saying hello to
your newest granddaughter.

Judy.

Oh, Princess, I've heard
so much about you.

Aren't you
the cutest little doll?

No, but close.

Real cute, real cute.

Oh, look at that.

I see you quit in the middle
of taking my bags upstairs

just like you quit
at everything else.

Dad, I'm asking you nicely.

It's the holidays.
Can we please not go there?

What? I didn't say
one word about you

quitting your dream
of going to med school

to become an accountant.
But since you brought it up,

am I wrong for wishing my son was
saving lives instead of saving pennies?

Dad, I'm begging you.
Please stop talking.

If you don't wanna talk, why did
you invite me in the first place?

If you must know,
this whole idea came from...

His heart.

The bottom of his heart.

You see, he just kept saying,

"Three Christmases
is way too long

to go without seeing my daddy."

Look at you two,
reminiscing, having fun.

Yeah, fun.

Yeah, fun.

Lots of fun.

Junior, help me with my bags.

Good thing you're so good
at giving gifts,

or this could've really
been awkward.

Listen here, Afro-puffs.

I am going to turn this
into the best gift

my dad has ever gotten.

I just gotta do it before
they deck each other's halls.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas.

A little present
from my parents.

From the Millers to the Coopers.

I don't think I've ever seen such
a beautiful gingerbread house.

My mom really
appreciates you guys.

She said, sure,
it is a lot of trouble

to make a gingerbread
house from scratch,

but the Coopers
are totally worth it.

Hey, look,
there's a card inside.

No, there's not.

"To the Millers.
We appreciate your business.

Enjoy the gingerbread house.

Merry Christmas
from your friends

at Shapiro Exterminators."

Well, it's the thought
that counts.

I really thought
I threw that card away.

It's mission time.

Discreetly get
everyone upstairs.

Oh, sugar.

I forgot to get
those special ornaments

from the attic.
I better go get them.

Um, hey, Dad, I think
you should go help Mom.

I know it's your mission
to be there for her.

Oh, right.

Hey, Ernie, I think
we're out of tinsel.

Do you mind going up to the
attic and getting some more?

It only be a brief moment.

So get it yourself.

While you're at it,
get some eye drops, Blinky.

But Ernie, it's
a tinsel emergency.

Oh! Tinsel.

I thought you said tonsils.

So I was, like,
we don't keep tonsils...

I'm gonna go upstairs.

You know what, I'm gonna
go help them out.

Marisa, do you mind
keeping my Pops company?

- Sure.
- Thanks.

So you're a doctor, right?

Yes, and I have been
for the past 40 years.

What is the grossest
thing you've ever seen,

and where does this
fall on the spectrum?

So the Organization needs us
for a surveillance mission

at the National Archives
Museum this afternoon.

There's chatter about someone
possibly breaking in

and stealing the Bill of Rights.

What about our right
not to work on Christmas Eve?

Oh, relax,
it's a nothing mission.

We just have to check it out.
We'll be home in an hour.

We don't know that.

I volunteer to do
the mission alone,

even if it takes all week.

But then you won't be able

to spend any time
with Poppa Earl.

Oh, darn,
I didn't think of that.

Oh, well, what can you do?

Dad, your mission
is to stay here

and make fantastic Christmas
memories with Poppa Earl.

And then, later on,
you're gonna thank me

for giving you
such a great gift.

She's right. You and your dad
need to fix things.

Ernie and I will do the mission.

Craig, you be with your father,

and KC, you make sure
they don't kill each other.

Well, well, well, look here.

I see you forgot to tell me
the party was moved upstairs.

Like you forgot to tell me you
weren't cut out for medical school.

Yeah, Dad, you mind?

We're having
a little family meeting.

Are you trying to figure out
other ways to ignore me?

If you don't wanna
spend time with me,

why did you invite me?

So we could all spend
time together as a family.

Isn't that nice?

I didn't invite you.

KC did, as a gift to me.

And what a gift it is.

You know what else is a gift?

The gift of music.

♪ On the first day
of Christmas ♪

♪ My true love gave to me ♪

So you never wanted me here?

Uh, everybody now.

♪ A partridge in a pear tree ♪

No, I did not.

♪ On the second day
of Christmas ♪

♪ My true love gave to me ♪

Don't worry, because
this gift is being returned

to its home in Atlanta.

♪ Two turtle doves ♪

Or to his home in the Caribbean,

because I have two homes
because I am a doctor.

♪ And a partridge
in a pear tree ♪

I only have one home, and
you're no longer welcome in it.

That's fine, 'cause
I'm getting my bag

and getting on
the next flight outta here.

♪ On the third day
of Christmas ♪

♪ My daughter gave to me ♪

♪ The worst gift
I ever received ♪

It's French hens.

Three... French hens.

You hear that?

That's the sweet sound
of nobody criticizing me.

So Merry Christmas to all,

and to all, a "leave me alone."

I cannot believe you let
your father just walk out.

Oh, I have a feeling
he'll be walking right back in.

I wouldn't count on it.

The Cooper men are stubborn.

Earl?

I couldn't get on a flight.

The airline said I'm on
some kind of no-fly list.

Probably annoyed the airline
the way you annoyed me.

This whole thing
is making no sense.

I wasn't on a darn list
when I flew in this morning.

Hm. That is weird.

I'm sure you'll be off
that no-fly list

in time for
your original flight home.

- Right, Ernie?
- Oh, I can guarantee it.

Well, aren't you just
Santa's little helper?

What was that?

It's just a reminder that I need
to go to the store. Let's go, Ernie.

I might as well unpack
the gifts I brought.

I've got the cutest
little gift for Judy.

Dad, Judy doesn't need presents.

What child doesn't need
a present on Christmas?

Oh, let me guess.

You were in the car, you were
about to get her toys,

and then you decided to...

Don't you say it.
Don't you dare say it.

Okay, I won't say anything.

Look at that.
Look at you two communicating.

You know what, that is
the first step

to getting along,

and that is the true
spirit of Christmas.

"Quit." He texted me "Quit."

Yeah, but I didn't say it.

You know what?
I'm going to say it.

You guys need to quit arguing.

It is Christmas, okay?

So what you're gonna do is
you're gonna get your jackets,

you're gonna put a smile on
your face whether you like it or not,

and we're gonna go to the
mall and get Judy a present.

- I'm not goin' to the mall.
- Now!

Move it. Thank you.

Man, this has gotta be
the worst gift I've ever given.

I don't get it.

If you want
to decorate something,

why not yourself?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Yeah, I still don't get
this holiday.

♪ Si-i-lent night ♪

It was until you got here.

♪ Ho-o-ly night ♪

What are you doing?

I'm caroling.

I'm spreading Christmas cheer.

Well, go spread it
next door at the Goldfeders.

They're Jewish.
They don't celebrate Christmas.

- Why not?
- It's not a part of Judaism.

I'm sorry, did you say Judy-ism?

Come on in, girl.

Tell me more about
this Judy-ism.

You know we wouldn't
be stuck in all this traffic

if someone had put a little more
thought into his life's choices.

Wow! Just when I think
you can't make everything

about me not going
to med school,

you come up with
a gem like that.

It's a Christmas miracle.

What I think my dad is trying
to say here, Poppa Earl,

is that there are other careers,

careers that help people
every day.

My son's a real help,
filing taxes.

You know they have
computer software

that does that for free.

Look, I think what
Poppa Earl is trying to say...

Let me tell you something.
I am not just an accountant.

I do way more than that.

The truth is, I'm...

Also someone who creates

limited liability corporations.

And that is super cool.

Right, Dad?

Right.

What's up, Ernie?

Hey, Dad,
Mom could use your help.

This thing has turned into
an accounting emergency.

An accounting emergency?

What, somebody forgot
to carry a one?

Sounds like a real
life-death situation to me.

Sit tight, Ernie.
We'll be right there.

Where you going, fool?

The mall's the other way.

What I think
Poppa Earl means is...

Dang, Dad, did you quit

in the middle of
driving school, too?

What kind of errand takes place

in the back of
the National Archives Museum?

- I can't tell you.
- Because it's a Christmas surprise.

Just stay in the car.

Stay in the car?

Like I'm a puppy?

Don't be silly.

We would never leave
a puppy in the car.

Now crack the window.
We'll be back soon.

Thank goodness you're here.

Mom saw two enemy agents
breaking into the Archives,

but they overpowered her.

Now they have her
tied behind that dumpster.

- I'll go left.
- I'll flank right.

- What do I do?
- Stay here and hide.

I was hoping you'd say that.

- What is going on?
- Poppa, get back.

- Dad, I'm hit.
- KC, I'm coming, baby.

What the heck kind of
accountant are you?!

Craig, why are these people
shooting at you?

Are they clients
that got audited?

Dad, I'm not an accountant.

- What?
- I'm actually a secret government spy.

What?

The whole family is.

What?!

Dad, we do not have time
to talk about that right now.

You need to rescue Mom,
and Poppa Earl,

we know you're a doctor 'cause
you mentioned it 472 times,

so do you mind
taking a look at this, please?

Oh, my, my, my, my, my.

Ooh, that's nastier
than Marisa's elbow.

Whoo! Now that's how
you take out the trash.

Hilarious, Craig.

You wanna untie me now?

- You okay, baby?
- Yeah. I'm fine.

- KC, are you okay?
- Yeah, no, I'm good.

Poppa Earl fixed me up.

Good thing they didn't
hit me in the arm,

'cause I unwrap
presents with it.

Son, I don't know what to say.

What with the kickin'
and the shootin',

and the "hah" and the "yah."

This whole thing is just
hard for me to process.

Maybe y'all can fill me in
at the mall gettin' Judy's gift.

Uh, Dad, Judy is a robot.

A robot?

These two kids
are normal, right?

So all this time,
you been busy saving the world.

Well, I wouldn't exactly
say we're saving the world.

Now, KC, Poppa's talking.
Don't interrupt.

You were saying, Daddy.

I just feel awful, the way
I've been treating you.

I should've been praising you
instead of putting you down.

Go on, keep talking.
You got my attention.

What I'm really
trying to say is,

I'm really proud of you, son.

Honey, I think it's time
for the memory spray.

I know, I know.
Just one more second.

So would you say
you were very impressed,

or incredibly impressed
when you saw me rescue Kira?

Man, when I saw you...

Really, Mom?

You couldn't let the guy
get one more compliment?

Sorry, but I got
a turkey to cook.

Come on.

"You're my favorite son, Craig.

You're a chip
off the old block."

I love you, too, Pop.

- Uh, Dad?
- Huh?

I believe you have
something to say to me.

Oh, right.
Merry Christmas, baby.

That's not really
what I was thinking.

Oh, yeah.

Happy New Year.

No.

I was thinking something
more along the lines of,

- "Thank you, KC."
- For what?

- Dad...
- I'm just teasing you.

You know it was
the best Christmas gift ever.

Thank you, KC.

Please. No thanks necessary.

I don't know how I overslept
on Christmas morning.

I don't even remember
going to bed.

Looks like someone had
too much eggnog last night.

- Where's my present?
- Oh.

Oh, look at that.

It's just the gift that
keeps on re-giving.

Tighty-whities.

Dig a little deeper
in the box, Ernie.

Noise-cancellation
super bass headphones!

I don't know
how those elves do it.

So, Craig, are you gonna
open a gift,

or are you just gonna
quit in the middle?

I love you, Dad.

Here, Dad. Open this one.

Wow.

I gotta say,
you outdid yourself.

You do give the best
Christmas gifts ever.

Well, you're my father.

I don't wanna argue with you
on Christmas.

Well, this gift
is for Judy from me.

No, thank you.

Why wouldn't you want
a Christmas gift?

Didn't I mention?
I don't celebrate Christmas.

I'm Judy-ish.

Oy vey.

Rob, your name's on TV.