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00:00:02,887 --> 00:00:05,327
America's 250th birthday is coming up,
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00:00:05,351 --> 00:00:06,698
which means fireworks.
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00:00:06,722 --> 00:00:07,766
Woo-hoo!
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00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:08,928
But if you're a dog,
5
00:00:08,952 --> 00:00:09,971
boo-hoo.
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00:00:09,995 --> 00:00:12,768
We're not expecting you
to stop firing off explosives.
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00:00:12,792 --> 00:00:13,794
This is still America.
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00:00:13,818 --> 00:00:15,581
But here's how to keep your pet safe,
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00:00:15,605 --> 00:00:18,722
even while the world
around them gets loud.
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00:00:18,746 --> 00:00:21,593
Dress your dog in
a weighted vest and earmuffs.
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00:00:21,617 --> 00:00:23,530
Works a charm. Right, Shred?
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00:00:23,554 --> 00:00:26,269
I've never felt so calm in my life.
13
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:28,507
Startled dogs often make a run for it.
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00:00:28,531 --> 00:00:32,038
So, microchip your pet
or else this will happen.
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00:00:32,941 --> 00:00:34,343
Go. Run.
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00:00:34,745 --> 00:00:36,479
Go! Come on, you're embarrassing me.
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00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:38,785
Play soothing music
to keep your pooch calm.
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00:00:38,786 --> 00:00:41,333
Or if you're like me
and you have perfect pitch,
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00:00:41,357 --> 00:00:42,703
just sing to them.
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00:00:42,727 --> 00:00:45,475
There's nothing to be afraid of.
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00:00:45,499 --> 00:00:49,383
Just because the sky is on fire.
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00:00:49,407 --> 00:00:52,278
And when in doubt,
cuddles go a long way.
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00:00:52,279 --> 00:00:54,492
And on an unrelated
but mandatory note,
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00:00:54,516 --> 00:00:57,766
Seattle is experiencing a boom
in waterborne anal worms.
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00:00:57,790 --> 00:01:01,406
So make your vaccination
appointment soon, and...
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00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:04,036
Happy birthday, America!
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00:01:33,962 --> 00:01:35,709
Okay. Listen up, people.
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The Animal Control
Officers Association is
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sending a representative today
to observe our two
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ACOOTY nominees.
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ACOOTY?
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Animal Control Officer of the Year.
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And why didn't you just say that?
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Err... because ACOOTY saves time.
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And yet, here we are.
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00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,505
Anyways, they're sending Wayne Peters.
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00:01:50,529 --> 00:01:52,431
Ooh, they're bringing in the big dog.
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He was the first person
to ever win the award,
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00:01:54,336 --> 00:01:56,349
and he endorsed eight of
the last nine winners.
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00:01:56,373 --> 00:01:57,743
He's a bit of a kingmaker.
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00:01:57,744 --> 00:02:00,943
If you win Wayne's vote,
you win officer of the year.
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00:02:00,967 --> 00:02:01,998
Stay alert.
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00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:03,321
He's been known to Undercover Boss it
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00:02:03,345 --> 00:02:04,581
with disguises.
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00:02:04,582 --> 00:02:06,626
He could be an old man
looking for a dog.
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00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,274
And one time in Eugene...
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he was the dog.
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00:02:09,333 --> 00:02:10,578
When is he coming?
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He's already here.
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That's right. Always observe an animal
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before you enter their habitat.
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00:02:17,616 --> 00:02:18,995
Great to meet you, sir.
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Officer Dudge.
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00:02:21,356 --> 00:02:22,737
Officer Shaw.
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00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:25,007
Two nominees from the same precinct.
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00:02:25,031 --> 00:02:26,466
That's rare, almost like...
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00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:28,091
an albino rattlesnake.
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00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,148
Whoa!
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00:02:29,172 --> 00:02:31,052
Is it hemotoxic or neurotoxic venom?
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00:02:31,076 --> 00:02:33,080
- Neuro.
- You're a badass.
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00:02:33,247 --> 00:02:36,196
Well, I am here to identify
the person who best demonstrates
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professionalism, integrity, and
a commitment to animal safety.
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00:02:39,526 --> 00:02:41,540
And whoever shows me
these qualities will get
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00:02:41,564 --> 00:02:44,011
my recommendation as
one of the 10 finalists
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00:02:44,035 --> 00:02:45,581
for this year's award.
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00:02:45,605 --> 00:02:47,552
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to hit the head.
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I've been in this onesie all morning.
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00:02:49,447 --> 00:02:50,758
Okay, Wayne is gonna do a ride-along
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with both you and Templeton.
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00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:53,698
I need you to impress him,
'cause if Templeton
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wins this award,
he's coming for my job.
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00:02:55,525 --> 00:02:56,675
Yeah, he's gotten bolder.
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00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,343
I caught him
eating lunch here yesterday,
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doing a pretend Zoom with the mayor.
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Is that why there was feta
on my keyboard?
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00:03:01,537 --> 00:03:02,648
Frank, you have to win.
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00:03:02,672 --> 00:03:05,387
Guys, this comes down to personality.
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00:03:05,411 --> 00:03:06,858
I got it in the bag.
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00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:07,982
Hmm.
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00:03:09,453 --> 00:03:10,497
What is these looks?
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00:03:10,521 --> 00:03:12,535
Guys, I'm diligent. I'm smart.
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I'm quick with a zinger, like...
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00:03:14,196 --> 00:03:16,376
Emily, you'd be taken more
seriously if your sentences
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didn't sound like questions.
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00:03:17,502 --> 00:03:18,563
Okay. Ouch?
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00:03:18,588 --> 00:03:20,484
Yeah, I hate to say it,
but I think Templeton
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has a very pale leg up on you.
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00:03:21,978 --> 00:03:24,325
The terrible stuff that
he says seems like jokes
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if you don't know him.
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00:03:25,385 --> 00:03:26,563
Maybe you need to do something,
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I don't know, a little extra.
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00:03:28,458 --> 00:03:30,863
Something that makes Templeton
look worse.
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00:03:31,030 --> 00:03:33,477
I'm sorry, is there something
wrong with your stomach?
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00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:35,939
No, I think she wants Frank
to sabotage Templeton.
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00:03:35,940 --> 00:03:38,877
As your boss,
I would never suggest that.
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On the record.
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Yeah, I'm in.
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00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:42,963
Shred, what ideas do we have
left in the dossier?
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00:03:42,987 --> 00:03:44,689
There's the one where
we convince Templeton
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00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:46,693
he's becoming the smallest man
on Earth.
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00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:47,734
But that could take years.
102
00:03:47,763 --> 00:03:50,468
See, I would never
condone anything like that.
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Because that would be cheating.
104
00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:54,356
I got it, just please
don't wink again.
105
00:03:55,445 --> 00:03:57,358
So, Maya's been hounding me
for a double date
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with you and Parker.
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00:03:58,417 --> 00:04:00,187
I've been trying to hold
her off, but she just...
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she's got this couples therapist
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00:04:01,424 --> 00:04:02,859
- wrapped around her finger.
- Hmm.
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00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:05,597
Usually when Parker and I
meet up with other couples,
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00:04:05,598 --> 00:04:07,178
group sex is involved.
112
00:04:07,202 --> 00:04:11,019
Yeah... no, this would be like
a corner booth at P.F. Chang's.
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Say, 5:45.
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One bottle of wine, split four ways.
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You know, then we take home the rest.
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'Kay, wow. This is all
very... heteronormative,
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trad-wife, norm-core.
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Which would make it
kinda the freakiest thing
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that Parker and I had done
in a whi... you know what?
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Tell her we're in.
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Are you sure?
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Parker could tuck his shirt in.
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Oh, my God! With a belt.
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Hilarious. That's so good.
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For the record, I don't love you
mocking my lifestyle.
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Old Navy's having a sale. Huh.
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00:04:39,466 --> 00:04:42,215
I know what I'm doing on Saturday.
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00:04:45,679 --> 00:04:47,458
Somebody's gotta go first.
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00:04:47,482 --> 00:04:49,428
Then again, somebody's gotta go last.
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Doesn't matter to me.
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Either way, he's gonna
be eating a delicious éclair
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from his favorite bakery.
133
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:55,999
You're bribing him
with an eclair after lunch?
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00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,004
That's embarrassing.
135
00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:58,680
- I'll go first.
- Fine by me.
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00:04:58,704 --> 00:05:01,108
All right, that's classic
reverse psychology.
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00:05:01,109 --> 00:05:02,488
I will go second.
138
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:03,646
Mmm! Figured me out.
139
00:05:03,647 --> 00:05:05,996
Now, that is reverse psychology.
140
00:05:06,020 --> 00:05:07,321
I will go first.
141
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,094
- What is that?
- Hey!
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Like a violin.
143
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:15,949
Hey, Shred. I had dinner with
my friend Cassie last night.
144
00:05:15,973 --> 00:05:19,055
I showed her one of your
snowboard clips. She's in.
145
00:05:19,079 --> 00:05:20,193
- In?
- To you!
146
00:05:20,194 --> 00:05:22,428
And you'd love her. She's so athletic
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00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:24,532
and pretty and shorter than you.
148
00:05:24,556 --> 00:05:25,869
So I sent her a text this morning,
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and she's open to a setup.
150
00:05:27,028 --> 00:05:29,934
Yeah, that's really sweet and cool.
151
00:05:29,935 --> 00:05:31,847
5'7" is also the global average
for men.
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Not that that matters.
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00:05:33,073 --> 00:05:35,120
Um, but I don't think I'm
really in a place right now...
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No, listen!
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I've known her forever from church.
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She's like my little church daughter.
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00:05:39,019 --> 00:05:40,999
You're like my work son. It's perfect!
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00:05:41,023 --> 00:05:42,803
Unless... are you seeing someone?
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00:05:42,827 --> 00:05:44,572
No, no, he's not seeing anyone.
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00:05:44,596 --> 00:05:46,542
No, you should do it.
She sounds perfect.
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00:05:46,566 --> 00:05:47,904
Um...
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00:05:48,137 --> 00:05:49,272
Yes.
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00:05:49,273 --> 00:05:50,819
Okay, yeah. I'd take her
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for... a spin. Ride.
I... I'd go out with her.
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But, can you tell her I'm shy
and I don't like to kiss
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on the first date.
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00:05:57,656 --> 00:06:00,695
Ooh, nothing makes undies drop
faster than a gentleman.
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00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:01,744
Ah!
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00:06:01,769 --> 00:06:03,333
I got a good feeling about this.
170
00:06:04,269 --> 00:06:05,949
Uh, sorry. What is happening?
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00:06:05,973 --> 00:06:08,143
Hello? It looks suspicious
if you won't go on a setup
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with the perfect woman.
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00:06:09,313 --> 00:06:10,948
Yeah, or we could just
tell everybody we're together,
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00:06:10,949 --> 00:06:12,819
and I don't go on
the weird, fake date.
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00:06:12,820 --> 00:06:14,900
It's just, it's not a good time,
with Wayne Peters,
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00:06:14,924 --> 00:06:16,860
and the ACOOTYs and there's
a supermoon tomorrow.
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00:06:16,861 --> 00:06:18,697
So this is a better plan,
just trust me.
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00:06:18,698 --> 00:06:20,133
I didn't know about the supermoon.
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00:06:20,134 --> 00:06:21,269
- Yeah.
- Okay.
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00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:22,405
I will go on the date.
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00:06:22,539 --> 00:06:25,846
But, while I'm holding her hand,
I'll be imagining it's yours.
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00:06:25,946 --> 00:06:27,816
Why will you be holding her hand?
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00:06:28,216 --> 00:06:31,256
This is a very confusing
assignment you've given me.
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00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:34,940
And here I thought
my greatest disguise
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was hiding my sweet tooth.
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00:06:36,768 --> 00:06:38,646
Ehh, a good officer does his research.
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00:06:38,670 --> 00:06:40,550
Whoa!
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00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:42,989
Bat. Rousettus aegyptiacus.
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Unconfined.
190
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:45,317
How do we proceed, officer?
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00:06:45,318 --> 00:06:46,764
Uh, okay. Wet road conditions.
192
00:06:46,788 --> 00:06:49,025
School bus on my six.
Too dicey to brake.
193
00:06:49,026 --> 00:06:51,205
I'm gonna confuse its echolocation.
194
00:06:51,229 --> 00:06:52,307
Whoo!
195
00:06:52,331 --> 00:06:54,278
Whoo! Whoo!
196
00:06:54,302 --> 00:06:55,939
Wee-wee-oh!
197
00:06:59,179 --> 00:07:00,281
Textbook.
198
00:07:01,818 --> 00:07:03,596
I'll give you that one.
199
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:05,400
I said that, I did say that.
200
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:08,006
Wayne, just want to apologize
on behalf of the precinct
201
00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:10,010
for what you experienced
on that ride along.
202
00:07:10,034 --> 00:07:12,147
Questionable jokes,
unnecessary lip licking,
203
00:07:12,171 --> 00:07:14,586
giggling and whispering
like a farmhouse ghost.
204
00:07:14,610 --> 00:07:15,721
Au contraire.
205
00:07:15,745 --> 00:07:17,091
Wayne and I had a fine time
206
00:07:17,115 --> 00:07:18,995
controlling the animals of Seattle.
207
00:07:19,019 --> 00:07:20,564
He caught a bat while driving.
208
00:07:20,588 --> 00:07:22,859
I've never seen such deft fingers.
209
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:24,138
Um...
210
00:07:24,162 --> 00:07:25,975
well, I'm glad
you enjoyed your opener,
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00:07:25,999 --> 00:07:28,136
because your headliner's
about to melt your face off.
212
00:07:28,137 --> 00:07:30,117
Unfortunately, that bat took
a huge chunk of our day.
213
00:07:30,141 --> 00:07:32,723
Why don't we just grab
a hotel lobby coffee tomorrow?
214
00:07:32,747 --> 00:07:34,659
I'm rolling out for Boise around 9:00.
215
00:07:34,683 --> 00:07:37,154
- I'll be there at 7:00.
- I wake up at 8:15.
216
00:07:37,155 --> 00:07:39,301
T-Bag, impressive stuff today, buddy.
217
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:40,394
Thanks.
218
00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:42,799
Nice try, Frank.
219
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:47,308
And the ACOOTY goes to
Dirk Templeton Dudge.
220
00:07:47,976 --> 00:07:50,114
Why doesn't he just go by Dirk?
221
00:07:53,287 --> 00:07:54,287
This is out of control.
222
00:07:54,389 --> 00:07:56,770
Thanks to your little prank,
Templeton looks like
223
00:07:56,794 --> 00:07:58,473
gosh dang Captain America.
224
00:07:58,497 --> 00:08:00,410
How was I supposed to know
that living Squishmallow
225
00:08:00,434 --> 00:08:02,414
was gonna be competent
for the first time in his life?
226
00:08:02,438 --> 00:08:04,208
When he takes my job,
they'll probably move me
227
00:08:04,209 --> 00:08:06,078
to city planning, which we all know is
228
00:08:06,079 --> 00:08:08,126
a never-ending argument
about bike lanes.
229
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:09,997
Don't worry, Frank still
has his coffee date,
230
00:08:10,021 --> 00:08:11,456
and my man is great in the mornin'.
231
00:08:11,457 --> 00:08:13,738
He wakes up just a chittering
like a field mouse.
232
00:08:13,762 --> 00:08:15,040
I'm not your man and don't lie.
233
00:08:15,064 --> 00:08:17,007
6:00 to 8:00 PM is my golden hour.
234
00:08:17,047 --> 00:08:18,103
Wait a minute.
235
00:08:18,128 --> 00:08:19,205
Why don't I just invite Wayne over
236
00:08:19,206 --> 00:08:20,886
for dinner and drinks at my place?
237
00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:22,379
No...
238
00:08:22,646 --> 00:08:24,058
Why are you doing that again?
239
00:08:24,082 --> 00:08:25,862
'Cause you're a sad man
with a sad house.
240
00:08:25,886 --> 00:08:28,791
Wait, what if we could
dilute the sadness with us?
241
00:08:28,792 --> 00:08:31,106
We could throw a dinner party,
sing Frank's praises,
242
00:08:31,130 --> 00:08:33,099
and then maybe Wayne wouldn't
even notice that you have
243
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,612
an entire room for your dog
and your cat.
244
00:08:34,636 --> 00:08:36,884
Mmm, I couldn't do tonight,
'cause Maya, she bullied me
245
00:08:36,908 --> 00:08:38,407
into a double date with Victoria.
246
00:08:38,408 --> 00:08:40,113
I'm doing that for ironic
cosplay reasons,
247
00:08:40,114 --> 00:08:42,318
so rolling that into
a work thing kinda works.
248
00:08:43,420 --> 00:08:44,465
What are you doing?
249
00:08:44,489 --> 00:08:47,071
You guys plotting?
You-you have plotting energy.
250
00:08:47,095 --> 00:08:49,298
Somebody close the blinds right now.
251
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:51,436
Sorry.
252
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:56,146
And his name was Doctor Tarantula.
253
00:08:56,413 --> 00:08:58,417
Cassie, this is Shred.
254
00:08:58,684 --> 00:09:00,722
Oh, my God, he's so cute.
255
00:09:00,723 --> 00:09:02,067
Ooh, the cat's not too bad either.
256
00:09:02,091 --> 00:09:03,660
Don't worry, we've both been dewormed.
257
00:09:03,661 --> 00:09:06,877
Oh, well, why don't I take this
little fur baby so you two
258
00:09:06,901 --> 00:09:08,680
can get going on your date?
259
00:09:08,704 --> 00:09:10,116
Ooh, is it date time already?
260
00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:12,979
Yay... go have fun, you two.
261
00:09:13,247 --> 00:09:14,927
Ye... yes.
262
00:09:14,951 --> 00:09:17,154
Okay. After you.
263
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:18,791
Ooh.
264
00:09:18,959 --> 00:09:22,031
After you! I bet he's doing that
so he can look at her butt.
265
00:09:22,032 --> 00:09:24,112
Ah! Yeah. For sure, for sure.
266
00:09:24,136 --> 00:09:26,038
You know, as long as you're
matchmaking, feel free
267
00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:27,986
to throw some strange my way.
268
00:09:28,010 --> 00:09:29,388
Girl, they got apps for that.
269
00:09:29,412 --> 00:09:30,414
Yeah.
270
00:09:31,350 --> 00:09:32,752
So glad you could make it.
271
00:09:32,753 --> 00:09:34,733
Figured you're on the road
300 days a year.
272
00:09:34,757 --> 00:09:35,802
Home cooked meal,
273
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:37,037
toasty Italian red might be nice.
274
00:09:37,061 --> 00:09:40,410
Yeah, my dinner was gonna be
the cold bagels that I pocketed
275
00:09:40,434 --> 00:09:42,214
- from the Ramada, so.
- Oh!
276
00:09:44,075 --> 00:09:45,125
Ramada.
277
00:09:45,126 --> 00:09:46,222
- May I?
- Please.
278
00:09:46,246 --> 00:09:48,060
I am so glad this worked out.
279
00:09:48,084 --> 00:09:49,964
I've been trying to get us
all together for ages,
280
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:51,599
but Amit keeps telling me
you're too busy.
281
00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:54,773
No, he's totally right.
We're crazy busy these days.
282
00:09:54,797 --> 00:09:57,845
Um, candle shopping and
Container Store and...
283
00:09:57,869 --> 00:10:00,851
racing each other
to finish the Wordle.
284
00:10:00,875 --> 00:10:02,287
It was so hard today.
285
00:10:02,311 --> 00:10:03,685
- It was.
- Not for her!
286
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:05,027
She got it in two guesses. Exile.
287
00:10:05,051 --> 00:10:06,697
Oh, well, don't give 'em the answer!
288
00:10:06,721 --> 00:10:07,966
What? Let me brag on you, baby.
289
00:10:07,990 --> 00:10:09,235
- Oh, stop.
- No, you stop.
290
00:10:09,259 --> 00:10:11,874
- Stop.
- You stop. You stop.
291
00:10:11,898 --> 00:10:13,801
Stop. No, you stop.
292
00:10:13,802 --> 00:10:14,904
You stop!
293
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,315
Are you as turned on
as I am right now?
294
00:10:16,339 --> 00:10:17,952
Stop it, I've got such a headache
295
00:10:17,976 --> 00:10:19,044
from doing all that laundry.
296
00:10:19,045 --> 00:10:20,390
Ooh, stop. We're getting there.
297
00:10:20,414 --> 00:10:21,426
I'm exhausted.
298
00:10:21,450 --> 00:10:23,229
If I may.
299
00:10:23,253 --> 00:10:26,102
I just wanted to give a little toast.
300
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:29,542
And thank Frank for not only
hosting this lovely dinner
301
00:10:29,566 --> 00:10:31,112
for all of us, but also...
302
00:10:31,136 --> 00:10:35,053
being one of the best officers
I've ever known.
303
00:10:35,077 --> 00:10:39,128
His courage, quick thinking,
calm under pressure.
304
00:10:39,152 --> 00:10:43,771
If I ever get that dreaded
wolf in an orphanage phone call.
305
00:10:43,795 --> 00:10:46,535
Frank's my guy. So. To Frank.
306
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:47,590
- To Frank.
- To Frank.
307
00:10:47,615 --> 00:10:49,081
- To the big catch.
- Cheers.
308
00:10:49,105 --> 00:10:50,808
- Stop, stop, stop.
- He's the best.
309
00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:53,156
Stop. Compliments make
me uncomfortable.
310
00:10:53,180 --> 00:10:55,928
Your co-workers have a lot of
nice things to say about you.
311
00:10:55,952 --> 00:10:57,030
Oh, well, wait till you meet Shred.
312
00:10:57,054 --> 00:10:59,301
He has a bit of a partner
crush on me. Where is he?
313
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:02,097
Oh, Shred is on a date,
but he should be here soon.
314
00:11:02,098 --> 00:11:05,314
And I mean, it's only been,
um... oh, three hours.
315
00:11:05,338 --> 00:11:06,373
Wow.
316
00:11:06,374 --> 00:11:07,975
You know what we should do next time?
317
00:11:07,976 --> 00:11:09,322
Taste of Seattle.
318
00:11:09,346 --> 00:11:10,958
It's the last Sunday of every month.
319
00:11:10,982 --> 00:11:13,396
And this month, the theme is cheese.
320
00:11:13,420 --> 00:11:15,233
Yeah, but they only let you sample
321
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,304
three cheeses, and you guys
probably have plans, so.
322
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:19,008
No, we'll be there.
I'll bring my Lactaid.
323
00:11:19,032 --> 00:11:21,312
See, babe, I told you
they'd be into it.
324
00:11:21,336 --> 00:11:22,972
She did, she told me.
325
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:25,143
All right, couples selfie time.
You ready?
326
00:11:26,212 --> 00:11:28,126
I am extremely horny right now.
327
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:30,563
Your sensible sneakers are
driving me absolutely insane.
328
00:11:30,587 --> 00:11:31,587
Stop.
329
00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,695
It's always good to be
back at my old frat.
330
00:11:34,696 --> 00:11:37,845
I noticed you guys are getting
a little soft with your hazing.
331
00:11:37,869 --> 00:11:38,869
When I was a freshman,
332
00:11:38,938 --> 00:11:41,041
The senior brothers
convinced me to get a tattoo
333
00:11:41,042 --> 00:11:42,554
to match theirs.
334
00:11:42,578 --> 00:11:43,647
Then theirs washed off.
335
00:11:43,815 --> 00:11:46,897
Hey, remember you told me to
follow Patel's wife's socials?
336
00:11:46,921 --> 00:11:48,166
Well, it's finally paying off.
337
00:11:48,190 --> 00:11:49,350
I got a discount at Madewell,
338
00:11:49,392 --> 00:11:52,174
and I just found out that Frank
is hosting a dinner party
339
00:11:52,198 --> 00:11:53,878
with Wayne right now.
340
00:11:53,902 --> 00:11:55,003
I knew it.
341
00:11:55,004 --> 00:11:56,673
That was plotting energy.
342
00:11:58,878 --> 00:12:01,893
I present... Salmon a la Shaw.
343
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:02,995
Wow!
344
00:12:03,019 --> 00:12:04,654
What's everyone else eating?
345
00:12:07,421 --> 00:12:08,440
So good.
346
00:12:09,633 --> 00:12:11,736
Oh! Uh, Shred's finally here.
347
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,556
There he is!
348
00:12:20,354 --> 00:12:22,334
My lawn is a National Lampoon movie.
349
00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:24,361
Frank! Frank! Frank!
350
00:12:24,362 --> 00:12:26,432
No! Get away!
351
00:12:26,767 --> 00:12:30,173
This has Templeton's dandruff
sprinkled all over it.
352
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,261
That's Doc Whiskers'!
353
00:12:45,204 --> 00:12:47,440
Throwing a rager on a Tuesday?
I'm appalled, Frank.
354
00:12:47,441 --> 00:12:49,923
I just rushed here from Bible
studies as soon as I heard.
355
00:12:49,947 --> 00:12:53,029
Save it, officer Dudge, I know
you're responsible for this.
356
00:12:53,053 --> 00:12:55,300
You told me you're
a legacy member of this frat
357
00:12:55,324 --> 00:12:56,402
when we were on our drive.
358
00:12:56,426 --> 00:12:57,604
You even taught me the handshake!
359
00:12:57,628 --> 00:13:00,244
He had to rush twice, he didn't
get in his first semester.
360
00:13:00,268 --> 00:13:02,080
'Cause it went with my mom
the first time.
361
00:13:02,104 --> 00:13:03,249
Frank put the bat in your pastry.
362
00:13:03,273 --> 00:13:05,286
Okay, I guess I'm dealing
with a couple pranksters here.
363
00:13:05,310 --> 00:13:07,959
You're both missing
the esprit de corps
364
00:13:07,983 --> 00:13:09,518
that makes Animal Control special.
365
00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:11,355
We put the animals before ourselves,
366
00:13:11,356 --> 00:13:13,069
and you've both lost sight of that.
367
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,430
So, neither of you
are getting my endorsement.
368
00:13:17,134 --> 00:13:19,038
Wayne, please!
369
00:13:19,472 --> 00:13:21,275
Do not drink outta that vase!
370
00:13:21,276 --> 00:13:22,922
What are you doing? No!
371
00:13:22,946 --> 00:13:24,381
- Hey!
- Oh, my gosh, you're here.
372
00:13:24,382 --> 00:13:25,294
- Thank God.
- Yeah.
373
00:13:25,318 --> 00:13:27,564
Our plan to impress Wayne
is a disaster.
374
00:13:27,588 --> 00:13:28,588
I'm so sorry I'm late.
375
00:13:28,657 --> 00:13:30,437
Coffee went long,
and then we went to mini golf.
376
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:31,506
- It was a whole thing.
- No, it's okay.
377
00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:34,535
It doesn't matter.
What matters is you're here now.
378
00:13:35,170 --> 00:13:36,683
And so is Cassie.
379
00:13:36,707 --> 00:13:37,742
Cassie's here.
380
00:13:37,910 --> 00:13:40,156
Yeah. Frank texted while
we were at the batting cages.
381
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:41,626
He said to come right away.
382
00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:42,963
The batting cages?
383
00:13:42,987 --> 00:13:44,154
I played softball in college.
384
00:13:44,155 --> 00:13:46,302
At Princeton. She gets weird about it.
385
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,326
Just say you went there.
386
00:13:47,362 --> 00:13:49,475
Why are you weird about it?
It must be so nice
387
00:13:49,499 --> 00:13:52,147
to be so pretty
and smart and athletic.
388
00:13:52,171 --> 00:13:53,683
Do you wanna get something to drink?
389
00:13:53,707 --> 00:13:55,286
Um...
390
00:13:55,310 --> 00:13:56,422
Emily, do you want anything?
391
00:13:56,446 --> 00:13:59,094
No, thank you. I'm good.
Just worry about your date.
392
00:13:59,118 --> 00:14:00,754
Okay.
393
00:14:08,504 --> 00:14:10,752
Who would've thought that
living out my worst nightmare
394
00:14:10,776 --> 00:14:12,220
could be so hot?
395
00:14:12,244 --> 00:14:14,258
Nightmare's a little strong.
396
00:14:14,282 --> 00:14:16,229
They gave us the number
for their gutter guy.
397
00:14:16,253 --> 00:14:18,322
But, like, on a physical card.
398
00:14:18,323 --> 00:14:19,401
Why do they have this?
399
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:21,062
Did they just ask him for extras?
400
00:14:21,063 --> 00:14:23,442
I get that it's sad stuff, but is it?
401
00:14:23,466 --> 00:14:26,349
I mean, I'm actually excited
about Taste of Seattle.
402
00:14:26,373 --> 00:14:28,175
Wait... are you still doing a bit?
403
00:14:28,176 --> 00:14:30,146
- We're not going to that.
- Why not?
404
00:14:30,147 --> 00:14:32,451
Because we're not Maya and Patel.
405
00:14:32,452 --> 00:14:36,059
Yeah, but would it be
that bad if someday we were?
406
00:14:36,527 --> 00:14:39,241
Okay, we're not the mom and dad types.
407
00:14:39,265 --> 00:14:40,577
Okay, but this quarter-zip
408
00:14:40,601 --> 00:14:42,347
has awoken something inside of me.
409
00:14:42,371 --> 00:14:43,850
Like a... like a werewolf.
410
00:14:43,874 --> 00:14:46,578
But with a mortgage and
little league on the weekends.
411
00:14:46,579 --> 00:14:49,662
Oh, um... yeah. I need some air.
412
00:14:49,686 --> 00:14:51,298
Babe, wait.
413
00:14:51,322 --> 00:14:53,362
Wait, where does that leave us
for the cheese thing?
414
00:14:57,301 --> 00:14:58,446
- It's hot.
- Back it up.
415
00:14:58,470 --> 00:15:00,240
Back it up, back it up, back it up.
416
00:15:00,241 --> 00:15:01,541
- What? What?
- What?
417
00:15:01,542 --> 00:15:03,512
Oh, wow. Okay.
418
00:15:03,513 --> 00:15:05,093
Oh...
419
00:15:05,117 --> 00:15:07,297
Love this song, too. It's so good.
420
00:15:07,321 --> 00:15:09,091
You can't help but dance.
421
00:15:09,092 --> 00:15:10,170
Oh, my god!
422
00:15:10,194 --> 00:15:12,307
Oh, my god, Cass. I'm so sorry.
423
00:15:12,331 --> 00:15:14,479
That's so crazy that that happened.
424
00:15:14,503 --> 00:15:16,516
Oh, it's... it's really... it's okay.
425
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,342
I have another shirt in my work bag.
426
00:15:18,343 --> 00:15:21,259
- Okay.
- She's a pediatric oncologist.
427
00:15:21,283 --> 00:15:23,062
Ahh! You are?
428
00:15:23,086 --> 00:15:24,799
Wow, you're saving the little ones.
429
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:25,823
That's outta sight.
430
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:29,241
Wow... I myself, I volunteer
at a women's shelter, so.
431
00:15:29,265 --> 00:15:30,376
- Saint Augustine's?
- Uh-huh.
432
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,347
I'm there, like, four times a week.
433
00:15:32,371 --> 00:15:35,053
Yeah, it has been a minute
since I've been there.
434
00:15:35,077 --> 00:15:38,626
I used to go Saturdays, but I
found this one yoga class, so...
435
00:15:38,650 --> 00:15:40,687
There's actually
a guest bedroom upstairs
436
00:15:40,688 --> 00:15:41,734
if you wanna change.
437
00:15:41,758 --> 00:15:43,292
Yes! Yes, Shred.
438
00:15:43,293 --> 00:15:44,873
But she doesn't know the house.
439
00:15:44,897 --> 00:15:46,542
So, why don't you be
a gentleman and show her
440
00:15:46,566 --> 00:15:48,637
where the second bedroom is?
441
00:15:49,105 --> 00:15:50,484
You know what? I'll take you.
442
00:15:50,508 --> 00:15:52,187
- Oh, you're so sweet.
- I gotcha.
443
00:15:52,211 --> 00:15:53,580
- Yeah.
- You remind me of my aunt.
444
00:15:53,581 --> 00:15:54,581
Aww.
445
00:15:54,717 --> 00:15:57,154
- Whoops. Gotcha again.
- Oh!
446
00:15:57,421 --> 00:15:59,225
Let's get you changed.
447
00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:02,575
...remember your technique in slicing
448
00:16:02,599 --> 00:16:05,180
into the onion making some level...
449
00:16:05,204 --> 00:16:06,783
Sorry. Wrong room.
450
00:16:06,807 --> 00:16:08,409
Okay. Yeah.
451
00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:12,284
So, Shred seems great.
452
00:16:12,285 --> 00:16:14,455
Yeah. Yeah. Shred, he's...
453
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:16,602
Not great. Nuh-uh.
454
00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:18,807
He's-he's pretty problematic.
455
00:16:18,831 --> 00:16:20,533
Yeah, he's a real hound dog.
456
00:16:20,534 --> 00:16:22,480
He seemed so nice
at the batting cages.
457
00:16:22,504 --> 00:16:25,176
I'm sure he was.
That's one of his moves though.
458
00:16:25,177 --> 00:16:29,128
It's toxic respect.
It's the new gaslighting.
459
00:16:29,152 --> 00:16:30,230
- Is that a thing?
- If I were you,
460
00:16:30,254 --> 00:16:33,202
I would put on several
layers of clothes, like...
461
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,672
- just right now.
- Yeah.
462
00:16:34,696 --> 00:16:37,746
And maybe just, you know, leave
without even saying goodbye.
463
00:16:37,770 --> 00:16:39,581
- Yeah.
- Let's just bundle you up and...
464
00:16:39,605 --> 00:16:41,518
- No, that's a good idea.
- And get you outta here.
465
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,247
- You know?
- Thank you so much.
466
00:16:43,647 --> 00:16:46,162
That award came with a $10,000 prize.
467
00:16:46,186 --> 00:16:48,265
I was gonna travel to Turkey.
468
00:16:48,289 --> 00:16:50,327
I assume for hair transplants
and all the Botox
469
00:16:50,328 --> 00:16:51,508
your brow can hold?
470
00:16:51,541 --> 00:16:52,565
Lip filler.
471
00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:54,579
You can't put a price
on being a legend.
472
00:16:54,603 --> 00:16:56,515
I was blinded by my hatred for you.
473
00:16:56,539 --> 00:16:58,186
I lost sight of the animals.
474
00:17:04,589 --> 00:17:07,171
Hey, look. I stole our mascot.
475
00:17:07,195 --> 00:17:08,306
Free the humps!
476
00:17:09,466 --> 00:17:11,178
That's my big bro!
477
00:17:11,202 --> 00:17:13,168
Not cool, Trey. Get off the camel!
478
00:17:13,193 --> 00:17:14,208
Okay.
479
00:17:15,846 --> 00:17:17,715
Yeah!
480
00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:28,702
Flank him! I'll go left.
481
00:17:28,703 --> 00:17:31,185
Hey, Siri, play My Humps by Fergie.
482
00:17:31,209 --> 00:17:32,239
Calling Mom.
483
00:17:32,239 --> 00:17:34,581
No, don't call Mom. Play My Humps!
484
00:17:34,582 --> 00:17:36,863
Hey. Cassie texted.
She left the party.
485
00:17:36,887 --> 00:17:38,523
- What? Oh...
- Really?
486
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:41,305
I teed that up for you.
She was perfect.
487
00:17:41,329 --> 00:17:43,610
Smart, family money,
tight little church body.
488
00:17:43,634 --> 00:17:44,678
How tight was that body, Emily?
489
00:17:44,702 --> 00:17:47,317
Honestly, very tight.
Did you say family money?
490
00:17:47,341 --> 00:17:49,187
Baby boy, what the hell happened?
491
00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:50,356
She wasn't right for me.
492
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:51,693
Because...
493
00:17:51,717 --> 00:17:53,396
I'm in love with someone else.
494
00:17:58,630 --> 00:17:59,743
Who is it?
495
00:17:59,767 --> 00:18:00,935
I want names.
496
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:03,572
My ex.
497
00:18:03,573 --> 00:18:04,642
Camila.
498
00:18:04,776 --> 00:18:07,490
She's an Olympic snowboarder
and I still have feelings.
499
00:18:07,514 --> 00:18:09,251
Okay, I need some eyes
on this ice queen.
500
00:18:09,252 --> 00:18:10,587
Yeah.
501
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:12,902
Oh, you still have photos
of her on your phone.
502
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:14,695
That's nice.
503
00:18:15,430 --> 00:18:16,642
And she's an Olympian?
504
00:18:16,666 --> 00:18:18,569
Oh, you're not getting
any better than this.
505
00:18:18,570 --> 00:18:19,682
Come on, let's go get a drink,
506
00:18:19,706 --> 00:18:21,642
and we can game-plan on how
we're gonna get her back.
507
00:18:21,666 --> 00:18:22,678
Okay.
508
00:18:22,679 --> 00:18:23,991
- 'Kay.
- Go do that.
509
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:25,952
- Yeah.
- Go get her back.
510
00:18:27,723 --> 00:18:29,434
- Hey.
- Hey.
511
00:18:29,458 --> 00:18:31,696
Sorry I sort of freaked out.
512
00:18:32,498 --> 00:18:33,811
You caught me off guard.
513
00:18:33,835 --> 00:18:36,505
I think I caught myself
off guard, too.
514
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,411
Do you really want all that stuff?
515
00:18:39,412 --> 00:18:41,392
Kids. House.
516
00:18:41,416 --> 00:18:43,753
A belt that's not rope.
517
00:18:44,088 --> 00:18:46,091
I've been a drifter all my life.
518
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,765
And tonight I got a preview of
what it would be like
519
00:18:49,766 --> 00:18:52,580
to settle down with a girl
that I really like.
520
00:18:52,604 --> 00:18:55,878
And I really liked it.
521
00:18:57,315 --> 00:18:58,716
Hmm.
522
00:18:59,318 --> 00:19:00,687
See...
523
00:19:00,889 --> 00:19:02,690
That scares me,
524
00:19:02,691 --> 00:19:04,996
because I don't want those things.
525
00:19:06,599 --> 00:19:07,768
Damn.
526
00:19:07,769 --> 00:19:08,837
Damn.
527
00:19:14,449 --> 00:19:16,361
I don't want to stand
in the way of you
528
00:19:16,385 --> 00:19:17,855
chasing what you want.
529
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:22,130
So, what does that mean,
are we breaking up?
530
00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:25,637
I think we are.
531
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,629
Make way for the dromedary!
532
00:19:33,653 --> 00:19:37,537
Listen up, all you Aidan, Brayden,
Caden, Jadens and Noahs.
533
00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:40,310
This thing has a 15-foot spit radius.
534
00:19:40,334 --> 00:19:41,880
That's a 30-foot diameter.
535
00:19:41,904 --> 00:19:43,082
Math major, bitches.
536
00:19:46,513 --> 00:19:49,461
So, now would probably be
a good time to tell you
537
00:19:49,485 --> 00:19:52,000
I have a bit of a jealousy problem.
538
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,026
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
539
00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:55,440
Yeah, you really scared
the crap outta that poor girl.
540
00:19:55,464 --> 00:19:57,644
I know. I had to, though,
because no one told me
541
00:19:57,668 --> 00:20:00,216
she was this athletic doctor
with generational wealth
542
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,955
who saves sick kids and
is also, like, super hot.
543
00:20:02,979 --> 00:20:05,116
Yeah, but that's not what I want.
544
00:20:05,117 --> 00:20:06,586
I want you.
545
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:07,831
Whoa.
546
00:20:07,855 --> 00:20:09,090
No! No.
547
00:20:09,091 --> 00:20:10,126
- You're hot.
- Okay.
548
00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:12,607
Obviously, you're like this
incredible boss that works
549
00:20:12,631 --> 00:20:14,378
with disadvantaged women
550
00:20:14,402 --> 00:20:15,659
when it works with her yoga schedule.
551
00:20:15,683 --> 00:20:16,706
Shut up!
552
00:20:16,707 --> 00:20:18,844
And that's what I like.
553
00:20:18,911 --> 00:20:20,147
So...
554
00:20:20,447 --> 00:20:22,418
You're in love with someone?
555
00:20:22,585 --> 00:20:24,722
I did say that, didn't I?
556
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,862
Might I ask who? Or...
557
00:20:41,355 --> 00:20:42,869
Well. Enjoy this.
558
00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:44,829
It'll be the last time
I offer you a drink
559
00:20:44,830 --> 00:20:46,743
that doesn't require an antidote.
560
00:20:46,767 --> 00:20:49,014
That might be the first ever
dual scooter
561
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:50,584
frat party camel rescue.
562
00:20:50,608 --> 00:20:52,755
Too bad Wayne wasn't here to see it.
563
00:20:52,779 --> 00:20:55,116
He saw everything, brah.
564
00:20:57,889 --> 00:21:00,570
You two put your petty
squabbles aside,
565
00:21:00,594 --> 00:21:01,706
and you put the animals first.
566
00:21:01,730 --> 00:21:03,811
And that is what
this award is all about.
567
00:21:03,835 --> 00:21:06,615
You both get my endorsement
to be in the final 10 nominees.
568
00:21:06,639 --> 00:21:08,085
- Congratulations.
- Sir.
569
00:21:08,109 --> 00:21:09,109
Thanks.
570
00:21:09,178 --> 00:21:11,248
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have to be in Boise
571
00:21:11,249 --> 00:21:13,697
in the morning, or should I say,
a vending machine guy
572
00:21:13,721 --> 00:21:15,557
named Rocko does.
573
00:21:16,025 --> 00:21:18,405
We did it! We're back in the game.
574
00:21:18,429 --> 00:21:19,575
You know, and for those ten minutes,
575
00:21:19,599 --> 00:21:20,978
I didn't abhor your presence.
576
00:21:21,002 --> 00:21:22,002
Samezies.
577
00:21:22,071 --> 00:21:24,819
You know, it's nice seeing
you two work together.
578
00:21:24,843 --> 00:21:27,457
Maybe we can bring that energy
back to the precinct?
579
00:21:27,481 --> 00:21:29,395
Hey, Trey. Celebratory keg stand.
580
00:21:29,419 --> 00:21:31,622
I want a brother on every limb.
581
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,135
Let's do it, boys.
582
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:35,797
T-Bag! T-Bag!
583
00:21:36,232 --> 00:21:37,634
Bury that man.
584
00:21:37,635 --> 00:21:39,171
Oh, he's already dead.
585
00:21:39,361 --> 00:21:43,126
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