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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,371 --> 00:00:04,174 Your dad sent you a letter to the office. 2 00:00:04,175 --> 00:00:07,347 Oh, please, let it be his death certificate. 3 00:00:07,348 --> 00:00:10,554 Oh, wow. Your dad still gets the actual newspaper. 4 00:00:10,555 --> 00:00:13,158 - Being old must run in your family. - Huh? 5 00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:17,569 "You made the paper again. Dad." 6 00:00:17,669 --> 00:00:18,703 That's really sweet. 7 00:00:18,704 --> 00:00:20,560 No, it's psychological warfare. 8 00:00:20,562 --> 00:00:22,678 Every time I'm in the paper for something embarrassing, 9 00:00:22,679 --> 00:00:24,481 he sends a clipping. 10 00:00:24,482 --> 00:00:26,608 Frank, did you leave a panini on? 11 00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,422 Does Picasso leave a painting unfinished? 12 00:00:28,423 --> 00:00:30,326 Fire! Fire! 13 00:00:30,327 --> 00:00:33,934 All officers must commence emergency evacuation protocol. 14 00:00:33,935 --> 00:00:35,069 Fire! 15 00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:36,137 Mush! Come on, mush! 16 00:00:36,138 --> 00:00:37,608 It's peein'! 17 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:38,610 It's peein'! 18 00:00:38,611 --> 00:00:40,079 Move, jackass! 19 00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,418 We got so many doves from The Amazing Donald's estate. 20 00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:44,555 It's too bad The Amazing Donald 21 00:00:44,556 --> 00:00:46,291 couldn't make heart disease disappear. 22 00:00:46,292 --> 00:00:47,379 Hand me those reptile bags. 23 00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:49,632 But... I need these for the snakes, man. 24 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:50,633 You got pockets. 25 00:00:50,635 --> 00:00:51,636 Oh my God. 26 00:00:51,637 --> 00:00:52,637 Oh my God. Oh my God. 27 00:00:52,639 --> 00:00:54,173 Oh my God, oh my God. Oh my God. 28 00:00:54,174 --> 00:00:58,249 Dozen birds coming through! 29 00:00:58,250 --> 00:00:59,618 That was so awesome! 30 00:00:59,619 --> 00:01:00,954 You guys gotta try this! 31 00:01:00,955 --> 00:01:02,156 That's good. 32 00:01:02,157 --> 00:01:03,860 Keep it movin', people. 33 00:01:03,861 --> 00:01:05,462 And... time! 34 00:01:05,463 --> 00:01:06,463 I flew. 35 00:01:06,465 --> 00:01:08,904 For one glorious moment, I could take to the skies. 36 00:01:08,905 --> 00:01:10,173 Great job, everybody. 37 00:01:10,174 --> 00:01:12,812 If that had been a real fire, all animals would've survived. 38 00:01:12,813 --> 00:01:14,982 This was a drill?! 39 00:01:44,776 --> 00:01:45,878 Okay. 40 00:01:45,879 --> 00:01:49,117 Today is the grand opening of our annex kennels. 41 00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:51,421 We are expecting lots of VIPs. 42 00:01:51,422 --> 00:01:53,653 Would I have liked a little bit more time to get our 43 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:55,865 sea legs as the newly merged precinct? 44 00:01:55,866 --> 00:01:57,407 Yeah, absolutely. 45 00:01:57,409 --> 00:01:59,806 So, I'm gonna need all hands on deck to get this done. 46 00:01:59,807 --> 00:02:01,439 Can I get an "Ahoy"? 47 00:02:01,441 --> 00:02:04,039 The only thing that makes this merger tolerable is knowing that 48 00:02:04,041 --> 00:02:07,220 someday the sun will explode and destroy the entire planet. 49 00:02:07,221 --> 00:02:08,568 - Ahoy! - Ahoy. 50 00:02:08,570 --> 00:02:10,748 Thank you! So, Victoria and Daisy, 51 00:02:10,750 --> 00:02:12,430 I need you two on dog detail. 52 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:14,716 I want all adoptable pooches looking their best. 53 00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,107 That means scrubbed, sheared and sexy. 54 00:02:17,108 --> 00:02:18,678 - Sexy? - Well, no one 55 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,312 listens to me until I say something awkward. 56 00:02:20,313 --> 00:02:22,307 Now, who wants to do balloon arches? 57 00:02:22,309 --> 00:02:25,653 Affirmative. Everyone knows I handle all things balloons. 58 00:02:25,655 --> 00:02:28,295 They called me "The Looner" back in the two-three. 59 00:02:28,296 --> 00:02:30,600 My man has legit mylar skills. 60 00:02:30,601 --> 00:02:32,484 Sold. Templeton's doing the arches. 61 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,340 Yeah. I'll need two experienced officers. 62 00:02:34,341 --> 00:02:36,237 I can give you... Shred and Patel. 63 00:02:36,239 --> 00:02:37,588 Sure. The Butterfinger brothers? 64 00:02:37,590 --> 00:02:38,983 - Dang it! - I can smack 'em 65 00:02:38,984 --> 00:02:40,219 back into shape. 66 00:02:41,222 --> 00:02:42,994 Sorry, I nodded off. What happened? 67 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,528 So far, I'm supportive of this plan 68 00:02:44,529 --> 00:02:45,998 and my lack of involvement in it. 69 00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,868 Frank, you can either tag in and help Templeton, 70 00:02:47,869 --> 00:02:49,792 or you can pick up Roman. 71 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,503 Who, may I remind you, is our sponsor? 72 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,052 He requested a limo service, 73 00:02:53,054 --> 00:02:54,916 but given our budget, the limo service... 74 00:02:54,918 --> 00:02:56,122 it's one of our trucks. 75 00:02:56,124 --> 00:02:58,176 That's like asking me which grandparent 76 00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,391 I wanna get a lap dance from. 77 00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:01,179 I guess... Templeton? 78 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,332 Perfect. You can moisten my balloon tips. 79 00:03:03,333 --> 00:03:04,474 I'm out. I'll pick up Roman. 80 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:06,893 Just remember, it's his face on the flyers 81 00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,879 and his signature on the check, so get him here in one piece. 82 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,314 I promise nothing. 83 00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:14,387 I have to moisten his balloon tips? 84 00:03:14,388 --> 00:03:16,660 S-slow down, baby, what do you mean it's school policy? 85 00:03:16,661 --> 00:03:18,963 We have to invite the entire class? 86 00:03:18,964 --> 00:03:21,268 Well, no. Of course. Baby, I'm gonna handle it. 87 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,804 Yeah. 88 00:03:22,805 --> 00:03:25,080 Do me a favor, if I choke on this bagel, 89 00:03:25,082 --> 00:03:26,222 just don't resuscitate me. 90 00:03:26,224 --> 00:03:28,569 Buddy, I've seen you take down a burrito in two bites. 91 00:03:28,571 --> 00:03:30,285 There's no way a bagel's taking you out. 92 00:03:30,286 --> 00:03:31,985 - What's up? - My kid's birthday party. 93 00:03:31,987 --> 00:03:34,360 Supposed to be him and a weird kid named Tom 94 00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:36,263 in the living room playing board games. 95 00:03:36,265 --> 00:03:38,770 - Mm-hmm. - Now I have to feed 35 kids. 96 00:03:38,771 --> 00:03:40,340 - 35?! - 35 kids! 97 00:03:40,341 --> 00:03:42,043 Dude, that's like two bounce houses. 98 00:03:42,044 --> 00:03:43,980 Maybe I can get my kid canceled. 99 00:03:43,981 --> 00:03:46,686 Just gotta find out what a nine-year-old finds offensive. 100 00:03:47,756 --> 00:03:49,892 Okay. Okay. 101 00:03:49,893 --> 00:03:52,096 Yogurt time! Oh... 102 00:03:52,097 --> 00:03:54,100 I didn't know you were here. 103 00:03:54,101 --> 00:03:55,403 I can come back later. 104 00:03:55,404 --> 00:03:57,193 No, no, no, no, it's totally okay. 105 00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:59,579 This is everybody's kitchen, it's the people's kitchen. 106 00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:01,783 Right. I know, I just, I... 107 00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:04,075 I just don't want things to be weird. 108 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:06,786 It's not weird, we're just two coworkers that know 109 00:04:06,788 --> 00:04:08,663 what the inside of each other's mouths tastes like. 110 00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:10,165 Yeah, we were friends before. 111 00:04:10,167 --> 00:04:12,505 There's no reason why we can't keep things platonic. 112 00:04:12,506 --> 00:04:14,175 Platonic is a great word for us. 113 00:04:14,177 --> 00:04:15,545 - Yeah! - Also, really good movie. 114 00:04:15,547 --> 00:04:18,348 Are you sure you're not thinking of the movie Platoon? 115 00:04:18,349 --> 00:04:19,799 - I am thinking of Platoon. - Mm-hmm. 116 00:04:19,801 --> 00:04:22,218 But it's about army buddies that work together 117 00:04:22,220 --> 00:04:25,013 with no romantic feelings, so it-it kind of applies. 118 00:04:25,015 --> 00:04:27,467 That is us for the next few months. 119 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,937 Maybe my toast will be done by then. 120 00:04:30,073 --> 00:04:31,474 I do have to push it down. 121 00:04:31,475 --> 00:04:33,045 Like our feelings. 122 00:04:33,046 --> 00:04:34,080 Ah... 123 00:04:34,081 --> 00:04:36,084 I'm gonna take my yo to go. 124 00:04:36,085 --> 00:04:40,860 Fo'sho... 125 00:04:40,861 --> 00:04:42,096 Hey! 126 00:04:42,097 --> 00:04:43,633 Hey. Thank you so much 127 00:04:43,634 --> 00:04:45,536 for rolling with the punches and helping Daisy. 128 00:04:45,537 --> 00:04:48,075 This might be a good opportunity for you two to bond. 129 00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:49,512 You know, make it fun. 130 00:04:49,513 --> 00:04:51,916 Bitches washing bitches. 131 00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:54,788 I don't think I've ever heard you actually curse before. 132 00:04:54,789 --> 00:04:56,893 Yeah, I hated it when I practiced it in my office, 133 00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:57,962 and I hated it now. 134 00:04:57,963 --> 00:04:59,965 The thing with Daisy, I don't think she loves me. 135 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:00,966 What? 136 00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,904 Yeah, whenever I walk into a room, she just shouts... 137 00:05:02,905 --> 00:05:04,010 "Nope!" 138 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,042 - Oh... - Yeah. 139 00:05:05,043 --> 00:05:06,779 - Maybe it's like... no! - Yeah... 140 00:05:06,780 --> 00:05:07,814 You know what? I'll give it a go. 141 00:05:07,815 --> 00:05:10,183 But only because I don't want that bald spot 142 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,685 - to get any bigger. - Yeah, I have been stress plucking again, 143 00:05:13,927 --> 00:05:17,701 So... yeah. 144 00:05:19,071 --> 00:05:20,540 Good lord. 145 00:05:23,815 --> 00:05:25,750 Trip. Please trip. 146 00:05:25,751 --> 00:05:28,122 Can you step outside of the vehicle, sir, please? 147 00:05:28,123 --> 00:05:29,826 No, I'm just kidding. 148 00:05:29,827 --> 00:05:31,796 No, but... seriously, I'll be driving. 149 00:05:31,797 --> 00:05:33,567 You steal that uniform from a Build-A-Bear? 150 00:05:33,568 --> 00:05:36,125 No, Emily swore me in as an honorary officer, 151 00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,775 which is why I'm allowed to drive. 152 00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:38,836 So... move over. 153 00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:40,066 You have two seating options. 154 00:05:40,068 --> 00:05:41,549 Passenger side or center console. 155 00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,653 Emily, Frank won't let me drive. 156 00:05:43,654 --> 00:05:45,423 Frank, be nice and let him drive. 157 00:05:45,424 --> 00:05:46,424 When'd you call Emily? 158 00:05:46,425 --> 00:05:48,930 Before I left the house. Scooch. 159 00:05:50,133 --> 00:05:52,102 I can't believe. I should've chosen Templeton. 160 00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:54,542 You might want to adjust the mirrors and the seat. 161 00:05:54,543 --> 00:05:56,412 A joke about my stature. 162 00:05:56,413 --> 00:05:58,215 Sorry we can't all be blessed with 163 00:05:58,216 --> 00:06:00,942 Frankenstein's height and personality. 164 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:03,459 It's a big vehicle. You need clear lines of sight. 165 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:05,761 All I see is a Sulky Sally about to have 166 00:06:05,763 --> 00:06:08,034 - the ride of his life. - Okay. 167 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,374 Stay in the truck, Frank. 168 00:06:14,782 --> 00:06:16,332 Thanks for taking over the wheel 169 00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:17,721 while I make some content. 170 00:06:17,722 --> 00:06:19,658 Oh, I wouldn't wanna deprive the public 171 00:06:19,659 --> 00:06:20,795 of their daily garbage. 172 00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,864 What up, Romaniacs? 173 00:06:22,865 --> 00:06:26,384 Animal Control officer Roman Park is in the heezy. 174 00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,345 Along with my driver, Frank Shaw. Say hi, Frank. 175 00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,680 I do not consent to being recorded. 176 00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,183 I'm being held against my will. 177 00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:34,555 All available units. 178 00:06:34,556 --> 00:06:36,859 Dangerous dog reported on Fourth and Madrona. 179 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:38,116 Respond ASAP. 180 00:06:38,118 --> 00:06:39,865 Sergeant Park responding. On it. 181 00:06:39,866 --> 00:06:41,983 N-no. No, no. We are not on it. 182 00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:44,034 We're not by it, we're not goin' anywhere near it. 183 00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:45,409 It's your call, Sergeant. 184 00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:46,988 N-n-he is not a sergeant. 185 00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:49,032 Thanks, darlin'. We'll take it. 186 00:06:49,034 --> 00:06:50,820 Duty calls. Like and subscribe. 187 00:06:50,821 --> 00:06:51,821 Bark! 188 00:06:55,831 --> 00:06:57,501 Wrong shape. 189 00:06:57,502 --> 00:06:59,070 Uneven distribution. 190 00:06:59,071 --> 00:07:00,239 Terrible spiral. 191 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,879 I almost lost my fingertips tying these balloons off. 192 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,848 Oh, your poor little pinky winky? 193 00:07:04,849 --> 00:07:05,923 Man up! 194 00:07:05,925 --> 00:07:07,186 Where the hell's Patel? 195 00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:09,892 Honey, I'm on it. I found this great party store. 196 00:07:09,893 --> 00:07:11,161 Tons of stuff. 197 00:07:11,162 --> 00:07:14,046 Kids like tomato juice, right? 198 00:07:14,048 --> 00:07:15,099 Mmm! 199 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:16,476 Nice of you to make an appearance. 200 00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,475 You know there's two types of people in the world, right? 201 00:07:18,476 --> 00:07:20,479 There's workers and then there's shirkers, 202 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,358 and all I see are two shirkers right here. 203 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:23,653 It's just party decorations, bro. 204 00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:24,745 You need to relax. 205 00:07:24,747 --> 00:07:27,928 Yeah, dude. Chill, bro. 206 00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,079 I'm sorry. 207 00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:31,074 You know, helium's a dwindling natural resource 208 00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:32,871 and this is how you plan to waste it? 209 00:07:33,941 --> 00:07:35,710 Oh, my... 210 00:07:35,711 --> 00:07:36,712 - Dude, you really... - I'm so sorry. 211 00:07:36,713 --> 00:07:38,549 - You sprayed me. I... - I'm so... 212 00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:39,780 - I gotta go change. - You're not excused. 213 00:07:39,782 --> 00:07:41,087 You're not excused! 214 00:07:41,088 --> 00:07:47,088 Seriously? Permission granted for dismissal. 215 00:07:47,201 --> 00:07:48,569 - Ah... oop! - Oh... 216 00:07:50,508 --> 00:07:51,876 Is, uh, tomato juice. 217 00:07:51,877 --> 00:07:53,612 Uh, yeah. Well, It's... 218 00:07:53,613 --> 00:07:55,116 Yeah, that's... 219 00:07:55,117 --> 00:07:57,621 Well, as you were. 220 00:07:57,622 --> 00:07:59,018 Galloping gremlins. 221 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,127 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm good. 222 00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:02,770 Yeah. It's... okay. 223 00:08:02,772 --> 00:08:03,898 Look at us. 224 00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,704 Two bitches washin' bitches. 225 00:08:05,705 --> 00:08:06,939 This is a male dog, 226 00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:08,677 and I don't like being called a bitch. 227 00:08:08,678 --> 00:08:10,363 For the record, I called us both bitches. 228 00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:11,716 - It wasn't specific... - Oh, I'm sorry. 229 00:08:11,717 --> 00:08:13,586 I can't hear you 'cause I'm trying to work. 230 00:08:13,587 --> 00:08:16,224 Generally, we point the hairdryer at the dog. 231 00:08:16,225 --> 00:08:17,560 Oh, yes. Right. 232 00:08:17,561 --> 00:08:19,363 Yeah. 233 00:08:19,364 --> 00:08:20,567 Poor little dog. 234 00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:21,969 - Hey. - Hey. 235 00:08:21,970 --> 00:08:23,839 Hey. How are you two doing? 236 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:25,109 - So good. - Just peachy. 237 00:08:25,110 --> 00:08:26,144 Having so much fun. 238 00:08:26,145 --> 00:08:27,180 I love that. 239 00:08:27,181 --> 00:08:28,750 It's a huge day today, right? 240 00:08:28,751 --> 00:08:30,019 - Huge. - It's huge. 241 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:32,189 - It's... it's... - Stop plucking. 242 00:08:32,190 --> 00:08:34,059 Great. 243 00:08:34,060 --> 00:08:37,668 Frank Shaw limo service, transporting morons since 9AM. 244 00:08:37,669 --> 00:08:40,101 Hi, Frank. I'm not micromanaging you at all. 245 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,809 I'm just making sure that Roman is still alive. 246 00:08:41,810 --> 00:08:43,954 He is alive and kicking, mostly because his feet 247 00:08:43,956 --> 00:08:45,249 can't reach the floor mats. 248 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:47,119 We decided to take a call. 249 00:08:47,121 --> 00:08:49,009 Frank, that man is our sugar daddy. 250 00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:50,295 Do not let him get mauled. 251 00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:52,597 Don't worry, I told him to stay inside the truck. 252 00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:53,799 Oh. Gotta go. 253 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,035 Don't! No, d... 254 00:08:55,036 --> 00:08:56,071 Hi! 255 00:08:56,072 --> 00:08:58,609 - Roman! No, no. - Relax, Frank. 256 00:08:58,610 --> 00:09:03,118 I've built an empire breaking unbreakable dogs. 257 00:09:03,119 --> 00:09:06,659 Quiet-ah! 258 00:09:06,660 --> 00:09:10,600 See? And this is why I have a pear orchard 259 00:09:10,601 --> 00:09:13,134 and you're relegated to being my chauffeur. 260 00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:16,044 I actually chose to drive your fun-sized body around. 261 00:09:16,045 --> 00:09:18,306 Shockingly, it was better than the other option. 262 00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:20,419 But I thought you ran this precinct. 263 00:09:20,420 --> 00:09:22,256 Boy, how the mighty... 264 00:09:22,257 --> 00:09:23,627 Oh! 265 00:09:23,628 --> 00:09:25,764 Oh my God! 266 00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:27,132 Make it stop! 267 00:09:27,133 --> 00:09:28,168 Frank! Help me! 268 00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:29,638 Help me! 269 00:09:29,639 --> 00:09:31,474 - Oh, Roman, this is great. - Help me! 270 00:09:31,475 --> 00:09:33,144 Just one more time, beg for your life. 271 00:09:33,145 --> 00:09:35,349 Yeah, I wanna get a close-up of your face. 272 00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:37,954 Yeah. There it is. 273 00:09:37,955 --> 00:09:40,059 Okay. I've finished another cluster. 274 00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:41,963 You're doing great, almost there. 275 00:09:41,964 --> 00:09:44,233 Glad to hear you guys are finally paying the arch 276 00:09:44,234 --> 00:09:45,771 the respect it deserves. 277 00:09:45,772 --> 00:09:47,272 You did this to me. 278 00:09:47,273 --> 00:09:48,342 One more push! 279 00:09:51,115 --> 00:09:54,387 It's a blue! 280 00:09:54,388 --> 00:09:55,724 Here. Hold him, Daddy. 281 00:09:55,725 --> 00:09:57,661 It's a blue. Congratulations. 282 00:09:57,662 --> 00:09:58,679 - Get out! - Whoa. 283 00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:00,700 I'll finish the keystone grouping myself. 284 00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,169 Get out! 285 00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:03,338 Done. 286 00:10:03,339 --> 00:10:04,675 What's taking you so long? 287 00:10:04,676 --> 00:10:06,010 I'm, like, five dogs ahead of you. 288 00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:07,814 Yeah, you keep cherry-picking all the lap dogs. 289 00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:09,985 From what I've heard, your lap could use a break. 290 00:10:09,986 --> 00:10:12,298 Okay. What the hell is your problem with me? 291 00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:13,793 You wanna know what my problem is with you? 292 00:10:13,794 --> 00:10:15,764 - It's why I asked. - You did Templeton dirty. 293 00:10:15,765 --> 00:10:17,404 Wait. Seriously? 294 00:10:17,406 --> 00:10:18,660 - Mm-hmm. - Are you referring to 295 00:10:18,662 --> 00:10:19,838 when he stalked me? 296 00:10:19,839 --> 00:10:21,035 - He's not stalking - Yeah. 297 00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:22,810 And then he sent me weird New Zealand gifts. 298 00:10:22,811 --> 00:10:25,750 Those gifts were thoughtful and background-specific. 299 00:10:25,751 --> 00:10:28,455 - He's a total creep! - He is layered. 300 00:10:29,693 --> 00:10:31,495 Drip, drip! You Wetty Betty's doing 301 00:10:31,496 --> 00:10:32,831 my calendar idea? 302 00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:34,230 What do you need, Iced-T? 303 00:10:34,232 --> 00:10:35,937 This precinct continues to disappoint. 304 00:10:35,938 --> 00:10:38,553 My unit sapped the helium tank doing wacky bits. 305 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:40,880 You know what? I'm gonna go get some, because... 306 00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:43,932 I think they sell some a long way away from here. 307 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:46,185 Yeah, sure, like I'm gonna trust you with a noble gas. 308 00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,061 You're probably gonna huff it out of a sock. 309 00:10:48,062 --> 00:10:49,230 The thing is... 310 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:52,436 your insults aren't landing because your uniform shirt 311 00:10:52,437 --> 00:10:53,973 is tucked into your underwear. 312 00:10:53,974 --> 00:10:58,649 - And your breath smells. - Why don't you go with her? 313 00:10:58,650 --> 00:11:00,319 I'm gonna go back to the arch and finish 314 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,421 doing these units orally. 315 00:11:01,422 --> 00:11:04,126 Your bagpiping skills have saved yet another party. 316 00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:05,495 Oh, I know. 317 00:11:05,496 --> 00:11:07,501 Bettany? 318 00:11:07,502 --> 00:11:09,036 - Bettany! - Hey. 319 00:11:09,037 --> 00:11:10,339 You okay? 320 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:11,599 Yep, yep. 321 00:11:11,601 --> 00:11:14,013 Are your pants caught on that hook? 322 00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:15,840 A little bit. A little bit, yeah. 323 00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,265 I was organizing the leashes and yeah 324 00:11:17,267 --> 00:11:20,125 my belt loop got snagged when I reached up to, um, 325 00:11:20,126 --> 00:11:21,239 get that basket. 326 00:11:21,241 --> 00:11:22,599 Yeah, okay, well, let me help you down. 327 00:11:22,601 --> 00:11:24,467 No, no, no, no! I'm fine. That's fine. 328 00:11:24,468 --> 00:11:25,531 Okay. 329 00:11:25,533 --> 00:11:27,179 Actually, my toes are going numb, so... 330 00:11:27,181 --> 00:11:28,776 Yeah. Here I just... I gotta grab. 331 00:11:28,777 --> 00:11:30,111 - Okay. - Sorry. 332 00:11:30,112 --> 00:11:33,319 - Oh. - Here. 333 00:11:35,991 --> 00:11:38,361 I feel like we keep getting caught in moments that are... 334 00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:40,867 Yes. I... I agree. 335 00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,837 - Of all the days. Right? - Yeah. 336 00:11:42,838 --> 00:11:45,276 Sorry. So, I'm... I'm gonna get back to erecting... 337 00:11:45,277 --> 00:11:46,812 I... uh... blowing. 338 00:11:46,813 --> 00:11:49,383 No! Sorry. Uh... 339 00:11:49,384 --> 00:11:50,553 Arch. 340 00:11:50,554 --> 00:11:52,857 Yeah, that's-that's good 'cause this is a place of work. 341 00:11:52,858 --> 00:11:57,828 So let's, uh, let's all- let's all get back to work. 342 00:11:57,830 --> 00:11:59,437 Help me! 343 00:11:59,438 --> 00:12:02,409 You wanna see how a real animal control officer does it? 344 00:12:03,881 --> 00:12:07,152 - Yeah... - But this has been really fun. 345 00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:09,256 Ta-da! 346 00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:12,429 Bon appétit. 347 00:12:14,536 --> 00:12:16,672 All right, here we go. Easy oven mitt. 348 00:12:16,673 --> 00:12:18,441 Good job, girl. 349 00:12:18,442 --> 00:12:20,145 We did it! 350 00:12:20,146 --> 00:12:21,280 Whoo! 351 00:12:21,281 --> 00:12:23,017 All right, do you wanna skip the embarrassing part 352 00:12:23,018 --> 00:12:24,855 where I ask you if you need help getting down? 353 00:12:24,856 --> 00:12:25,910 No, I got it. 354 00:12:27,194 --> 00:12:30,194 Uh-huh. 355 00:12:30,768 --> 00:12:32,069 Oh... 356 00:12:32,070 --> 00:12:33,706 I caught my belly on a wiper. 357 00:12:33,707 --> 00:12:34,941 Okay, girl. 358 00:12:34,942 --> 00:12:36,177 We're taking the highway. Come on. 359 00:12:36,178 --> 00:12:38,515 No, I caught my belly on a wiper. I'm serious. 360 00:12:38,516 --> 00:12:39,834 You wanna get something to eat on the way? 361 00:12:39,836 --> 00:12:43,873 Help me. Help me. 362 00:12:44,996 --> 00:12:47,065 Is there any chance you did that old-man thing 363 00:12:47,066 --> 00:12:48,234 and forgot to record? 364 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:50,674 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I got it. 365 00:12:50,675 --> 00:12:52,409 Oh. Flashlight's on. Hold on. 366 00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:53,947 People look up to me, Frank. 367 00:12:53,949 --> 00:12:56,473 If that leaks, thousands of dog owners 368 00:12:56,475 --> 00:12:58,555 will abandon my training methods. 369 00:12:58,556 --> 00:13:00,059 Oh, no, no, no. It won't leak. 370 00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:03,064 I'm gonna post it intentionally. 371 00:13:03,065 --> 00:13:04,522 Well, it doesn't matter. 372 00:13:04,524 --> 00:13:08,609 At least he'll get a laugh out of it. 373 00:13:08,610 --> 00:13:09,912 Oh, who? 374 00:13:09,913 --> 00:13:12,540 Nobody. Just my dad. 375 00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:13,952 He thinks I'm a freakin' joke. 376 00:13:13,953 --> 00:13:16,419 If he wants to confirm that, I can send him the video. 377 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,097 I've always been the black sheep of the family. 378 00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,034 All my brothers are multi-hyphenates. 379 00:13:21,035 --> 00:13:22,571 Like engineer-professor. 380 00:13:22,572 --> 00:13:24,006 Doctor-researcher. 381 00:13:24,007 --> 00:13:25,843 Yeah, well, so are you. Virgin-leprechaun. 382 00:13:25,844 --> 00:13:27,212 I've been bedded. 383 00:13:27,213 --> 00:13:29,584 You can't relate to any of this because dads love 384 00:13:29,585 --> 00:13:31,350 strapping, dim brutes like you. 385 00:13:31,352 --> 00:13:34,353 Just to be clear, you're still asking me for a favor. 386 00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,564 Just go ahead and post it. 387 00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:36,632 Or don't post it. 388 00:13:36,633 --> 00:13:39,103 It doesn't matter. I don't care. It... 389 00:13:39,104 --> 00:13:40,974 My earliest memory is my father. 390 00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:42,910 I had an in utero-recollection. 391 00:13:42,911 --> 00:13:43,946 - Ah! Okay. - It was how to... 392 00:13:43,947 --> 00:13:45,656 Stop it. Stop. I'll delete it. 393 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,252 I just gotta watch it one more time. 394 00:13:47,253 --> 00:13:50,693 Help me! 395 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,603 We got a man down here! We got a man down! 396 00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:57,005 I found him like this. 397 00:13:57,006 --> 00:13:58,794 Whoa, hey, you all right, buddy? 398 00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:00,245 You're a little grayer than usual. 399 00:14:00,246 --> 00:14:03,385 That arch is filled with my life force... 400 00:14:03,386 --> 00:14:05,422 I gotta get it outside. 401 00:14:05,423 --> 00:14:06,424 - Otherwise - Easy. 402 00:14:06,425 --> 00:14:11,067 How will people know where the entrance is? 403 00:14:11,068 --> 00:14:14,373 Okay. I can't do it. 404 00:14:14,374 --> 00:14:15,676 Oh, boy. 405 00:14:15,677 --> 00:14:17,880 It's all too much. This whole thing. 406 00:14:17,881 --> 00:14:21,722 One minute I'm at the two-three playing ping-pong with the boys, 407 00:14:21,723 --> 00:14:23,959 thinking I'm gonna retire there, 408 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,495 and then I'm reassigned. 409 00:14:25,496 --> 00:14:28,936 New place, new people. I'm just supposed to start over? 410 00:14:28,938 --> 00:14:31,687 - I'm almost 40 years old. - That's really tough, man. 411 00:14:31,689 --> 00:14:33,120 No, there's no way we're the same age. 412 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:35,048 I'm just ramblin'. 413 00:14:35,049 --> 00:14:37,386 My oxygen levels have plummeted. 414 00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:38,722 My vision's... 415 00:14:38,723 --> 00:14:42,429 ...blurred. You guys are kinda backlit right now, like... 416 00:14:42,430 --> 00:14:44,735 ...two angels. 417 00:14:44,736 --> 00:14:48,385 Hey, you know, we do fun stuff here at the two-two, right? 418 00:14:48,387 --> 00:14:50,211 You know, we actually, we hang out at the rooftop 419 00:14:50,212 --> 00:14:52,416 on Fridays and, you know, we play cornhole, drink beers. 420 00:14:52,417 --> 00:14:54,308 - It's super fun. - Yeah, you could bring your friends. 421 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,556 We could have, like, a tournament. 422 00:14:55,557 --> 00:14:56,959 We'd destroy you, but... 423 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,662 That'd be fun, I'd like that. 424 00:14:58,663 --> 00:15:00,567 - Good! - Yeah. 425 00:15:00,568 --> 00:15:03,204 Okay. Tremors just... they're going away. 426 00:15:03,205 --> 00:15:06,177 - And the vision's coming back. - Nice. 427 00:15:06,178 --> 00:15:07,980 Let's get 'er outside, horse me. 428 00:15:07,981 --> 00:15:09,283 There you go, all right. 429 00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:12,122 He's back! 430 00:15:12,123 --> 00:15:14,327 I can't believe Templeton made you babysit me. 431 00:15:14,328 --> 00:15:16,297 Is he blackmailing you? Because I can help. 432 00:15:16,298 --> 00:15:19,638 Do you know I got my cousin out of Scientology using only wigs. 433 00:15:19,639 --> 00:15:21,474 It's not like that. 434 00:15:21,475 --> 00:15:24,647 Last year, I went through a messy divorce. 435 00:15:24,648 --> 00:15:25,983 It got very contentious. 436 00:15:25,984 --> 00:15:28,155 I don't know your ex, but I side with him. 437 00:15:28,156 --> 00:15:29,591 I didn't say it was a him. 438 00:15:29,592 --> 00:15:30,727 Oh. Really? 439 00:15:30,728 --> 00:15:31,729 Okay, it was a him. 440 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:32,972 And he left me. 441 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,035 And then all of a sudden I was a single mom 442 00:15:35,036 --> 00:15:36,237 working a full-time job. 443 00:15:36,238 --> 00:15:39,243 And Templeton saw that I was struggling and... 444 00:15:39,244 --> 00:15:42,015 he wanted to help, so he sent groceries to the house. 445 00:15:42,016 --> 00:15:44,020 Not once, but every week. 446 00:15:44,021 --> 00:15:45,067 Grooming 101. 447 00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,692 Most kidnappers are someone you know. 448 00:15:46,693 --> 00:15:48,571 And he never took credit for it. 449 00:15:48,573 --> 00:15:50,698 The deliveries were anonymous, but I know it was him 450 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,837 because he always included my favorite truck snack, 451 00:15:52,838 --> 00:15:54,975 those little bags of wet olives. 452 00:15:54,976 --> 00:15:58,649 Templeton is a good man. 453 00:15:58,650 --> 00:16:00,587 Wet olives? 454 00:16:00,588 --> 00:16:03,559 That's the saddest part of your story. 455 00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:04,561 Hey. 456 00:16:04,562 --> 00:16:06,297 Got Templeton's helium. 457 00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,268 There's extra in case you wanna mess with his tires. 458 00:16:08,269 --> 00:16:10,038 You might want to take it easy on Templeton. 459 00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:11,563 What is happening today? 460 00:16:11,565 --> 00:16:13,314 I know it's weird, but he was talking to us, 461 00:16:13,316 --> 00:16:15,114 and instead of wanting to fight or flee, 462 00:16:15,115 --> 00:16:16,640 I just... I wanted to hug him. 463 00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,654 Ew, did you do it? 464 00:16:17,655 --> 00:16:19,890 No, of course not, but the fact that I even wanted to... 465 00:16:19,892 --> 00:16:21,562 Yeah, he was acting like a human. 466 00:16:21,563 --> 00:16:22,930 Maybe he's... 467 00:16:22,931 --> 00:16:25,268 just a dick and not a total dick. 468 00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:27,840 Okay, everybody. Gather up! 469 00:16:27,841 --> 00:16:29,499 I know everyone's really busy. 470 00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:31,682 Can we just gather round? 471 00:16:31,683 --> 00:16:33,782 We are T-minus five 472 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:36,357 to the opening, and the mayor is here. 473 00:16:36,358 --> 00:16:38,194 Good time to bring up the city's homelessness? 474 00:16:38,195 --> 00:16:40,298 No, not the day, not the place, Frank. 475 00:16:40,299 --> 00:16:42,470 Whew! Does anyone have any last words 476 00:16:42,472 --> 00:16:44,508 before we go wow Seattle? 477 00:16:44,509 --> 00:16:45,810 - I do. - You... oh. 478 00:16:45,811 --> 00:16:47,547 - Where my boys at? - Okay. 479 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:49,149 Ah! There they are. 480 00:16:49,150 --> 00:16:51,087 - Us? - If I could combine two people 481 00:16:51,088 --> 00:16:52,990 into one person, 482 00:16:52,991 --> 00:16:54,961 the world would say I was insane. 483 00:16:54,962 --> 00:16:56,799 Not for playing God. 484 00:16:56,800 --> 00:17:01,508 But for using my gifts to create such extreme... 485 00:17:01,509 --> 00:17:02,744 uselessness! 486 00:17:04,214 --> 00:17:06,482 Victoria, you were late with my helium. 487 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:07,787 And you should be ashamed of yourself 488 00:17:07,788 --> 00:17:09,090 for bullying a female officer. 489 00:17:09,091 --> 00:17:10,361 - But I am a female... - Quiet. 490 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,196 Frank, you've probably disappointed me somehow. 491 00:17:12,197 --> 00:17:13,364 Emily. 492 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:17,206 All of this reflects poorly on your leadership skills. 493 00:17:18,442 --> 00:17:20,212 Templeton, what just happened, man? 494 00:17:20,213 --> 00:17:22,249 - That is where I draw the line. - Yeah, no, you don't get... 495 00:17:24,454 --> 00:17:25,698 He's trying to help y'all out. 496 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,947 I am feeling better and better about choosing Roman. 497 00:17:29,598 --> 00:17:30,756 Enough! 498 00:17:30,758 --> 00:17:33,717 My attempts to integrate this precinct 499 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:36,845 into a cohesive unit have just, they have failed. 500 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:39,473 So, thank you for putting me in the awkward position of 501 00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,519 being pro-segregation. 502 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,158 So, here's what we are going to do. 503 00:17:43,159 --> 00:17:44,661 Put on some fake smiles 504 00:17:44,662 --> 00:17:47,399 and pretend to be one happy work family. 505 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,602 Okay? 506 00:17:48,603 --> 00:17:50,305 I said fake smiles. 507 00:17:55,416 --> 00:17:58,421 Hello to our community, and our special guests, 508 00:17:58,422 --> 00:18:01,122 and welcome to the Northwest Seattle division 509 00:18:01,124 --> 00:18:05,101 of Animal Control's grand opening of the Roman Park park. 510 00:18:05,102 --> 00:18:07,406 We did do several workshops of the name, 511 00:18:07,407 --> 00:18:09,310 and that is gonna be the name. 512 00:18:09,311 --> 00:18:10,980 Our deepest thanks go out 513 00:18:10,981 --> 00:18:14,153 to Roman Park, whose generosity has allowed us to build this... 514 00:18:14,154 --> 00:18:15,355 Oh my god. 515 00:18:15,356 --> 00:18:17,529 Thank you so much, Emily, for that amazing introduction. 516 00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:19,329 - I wasn't... - I haven't prepared anything. 517 00:18:19,330 --> 00:18:21,734 - American humorist Josh Billings. - Oh, okay. 518 00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:26,912 Said, "A dog is the only thing on Earth that loves you 519 00:18:26,913 --> 00:18:29,417 "more than he loves himself". 520 00:18:29,418 --> 00:18:32,957 These workers at Animal Control are incredible! 521 00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,126 Whoop-whoop! 522 00:18:34,127 --> 00:18:36,739 They honestly don't get the recognition they deserve. 523 00:18:36,741 --> 00:18:40,639 Which is why I have a surprise for you. 524 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:41,742 Emily. 525 00:18:41,743 --> 00:18:44,213 A tug, please. 526 00:18:48,790 --> 00:18:49,925 It's so real. 527 00:18:49,926 --> 00:18:51,294 Look at that slob. 528 00:18:51,295 --> 00:18:52,362 Oh, wait, that's me! 529 00:18:52,363 --> 00:18:54,467 What the hell? 530 00:18:54,469 --> 00:18:57,741 Emily, it looks like you're cupping Shred's acorns. 531 00:18:57,742 --> 00:18:59,544 Oh. Uh... um... 532 00:18:59,545 --> 00:19:01,472 Park, what is wrong with you? 533 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,483 Don't you know you're not supposed 534 00:19:02,484 --> 00:19:03,891 to make fun of fatsos anymore? 535 00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,257 Ah, Templeton here did me a solid 536 00:19:06,258 --> 00:19:09,196 and gave me a picture of you from your academy days 537 00:19:09,197 --> 00:19:10,231 for inspo. 538 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,604 How dare you show the world how I see myself? 539 00:19:12,605 --> 00:19:14,240 Of course your dad hates you. 540 00:19:14,241 --> 00:19:16,745 Do you really think a dad could hate this face? 541 00:19:16,746 --> 00:19:17,914 No, he loves me. 542 00:19:17,915 --> 00:19:20,519 We just spent the weekend together at Seattle Kite Fest. 543 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:24,360 I read simple beasts for a living, Frank, 544 00:19:24,361 --> 00:19:27,873 and I tell you, you reek of daddy issues. 545 00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,907 There's gotta be a way to recover lost footage. 546 00:19:30,908 --> 00:19:33,812 Flashlight's on! 547 00:19:33,813 --> 00:19:35,381 Freeze, balloon bandit! 548 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:37,252 Wait, but really... 549 00:19:37,253 --> 00:19:39,256 What... what are you doing? 550 00:19:39,257 --> 00:19:41,553 Uh, I'm just, uh, you know. 551 00:19:41,555 --> 00:19:43,264 - Excuse. - Wait. Wait, wait, wait. 552 00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,803 Are those the missing cupcakes and the solo cups? 553 00:19:45,804 --> 00:19:48,241 Patel, our city councilman had to drink out of 554 00:19:48,242 --> 00:19:49,731 a dog bowl this afternoon. 555 00:19:49,733 --> 00:19:51,515 I'm runnin' a little low on cash, so... 556 00:19:51,516 --> 00:19:54,983 I decided to borrow some supplies for Danny's birthday party. 557 00:19:54,985 --> 00:19:56,858 Okay well, happy birthday, Danny, but... 558 00:19:56,859 --> 00:20:00,031 - Thank you. - Why didn't you just come to me? 559 00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,433 Well, it's embarrassing. 560 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:02,636 Okay, what about this? 561 00:20:02,637 --> 00:20:05,786 We have been looking to add a community outreach officer 562 00:20:05,788 --> 00:20:06,953 at the precinct. 563 00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:10,385 Yeah. It'd be an extra five bucks an hour. 564 00:20:10,386 --> 00:20:11,655 Will you throw in a company car? 565 00:20:11,657 --> 00:20:13,457 I will not, but I could give you 566 00:20:13,458 --> 00:20:15,357 a special lanyard for your ID. 567 00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:16,865 I could give that to Danny for his birthday. 568 00:20:16,866 --> 00:20:19,905 - I think he'd like it. - Let's just make it six more bucks an hour. 569 00:20:19,906 --> 00:20:21,541 - Deal. - 'Kay. 570 00:20:21,542 --> 00:20:24,748 I really appreciate you taking care of me, boss. 571 00:20:24,749 --> 00:20:26,384 - Thank you. - Yeah. 572 00:20:26,385 --> 00:20:31,060 Just watch behind me 'cause I can't see much. 573 00:20:31,061 --> 00:20:32,630 Good night, Emily. 574 00:20:32,631 --> 00:20:33,866 Oh, hey. 575 00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:37,170 Night, Shred. 576 00:20:37,775 --> 00:20:39,844 Oh, um... 577 00:20:39,845 --> 00:20:41,481 - Um, do you wanna go, or...? - You-you can go. 578 00:20:41,482 --> 00:20:43,017 - Yeah? - Oh, it's... 579 00:20:43,018 --> 00:20:47,728 Ah... all right. 580 00:21:00,353 --> 00:21:02,924 A nice end to a bad day. 581 00:21:02,925 --> 00:21:06,565 All right, you're home. 582 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:07,867 Frank. 583 00:21:07,868 --> 00:21:09,804 That was so... 584 00:21:09,805 --> 00:21:11,975 Fun! Oh my god! 585 00:21:11,976 --> 00:21:13,311 I burned you. 586 00:21:13,312 --> 00:21:14,446 You burned me. 587 00:21:14,447 --> 00:21:15,716 We got in a crate. 588 00:21:15,717 --> 00:21:17,452 Till next time. Right, man? 589 00:21:17,454 --> 00:21:18,817 I don't ever wanna see you again. 590 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,458 Yeah! I know. I'm tired too. 591 00:21:20,459 --> 00:21:21,628 But wanna hear a song about it? 592 00:21:21,629 --> 00:21:22,763 - Nope. - Yeah, I do too. 593 00:21:22,764 --> 00:21:24,734 Okay. Right. Come on. Stick around. 594 00:21:29,544 --> 00:21:34,620 ♪ Nothing beats the jokes and the games we play. ♪ 595 00:21:34,621 --> 00:21:39,124 ♪ Frank and I had fun today. ♪ 596 00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:44,125 - Synced and corrected by actumaxime - - www.addic7ed.com - 42681

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