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1
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:30,117
FITZ, NARRATING:
Take it from Fitzy, kids.
2
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:32,293
There's only one secret
to staying alive
3
00:00:32,293 --> 00:00:33,685
in this messed up world,
4
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:37,559
and that's taking care
of numero uno,
5
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:41,215
keeping track,
being in control.
6
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:43,434
Self-control
is a martial art.
7
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:46,002
Total control
of your emotions,
8
00:00:46,002 --> 00:00:51,181
behaviour and desire takes
training, practice, focus.
9
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:52,400
What the fuck?
10
00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:54,097
Saving that last
inch of Scotch
11
00:00:54,097 --> 00:00:57,274
for the next morning:
self-control.
12
00:00:57,274 --> 00:00:58,841
Passing up a blowjob
13
00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:02,279
because she might have
herpes: self-control.
14
00:01:02,279 --> 00:01:04,890
Convincing some guy
with a shotgun
15
00:01:04,890 --> 00:01:05,978
that you didn't just
fuck his wife,
16
00:01:05,978 --> 00:01:08,198
without pissing your pants,
17
00:01:08,198 --> 00:01:11,114
Frank Sinatra wrote
a song about that one.
18
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:15,379
What the fuck?
19
00:01:21,646 --> 00:01:24,127
So maybe some weird
shit's been happening,
20
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:27,174
shit I had nothing to do with.
21
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,001
It's going to take a lot more
than a run of bad luck
22
00:01:29,001 --> 00:01:32,527
and blackouts to take down
Richard Fitzpatrick.
23
00:01:32,527 --> 00:01:35,182
Motherfucker!
24
00:01:41,144 --> 00:01:42,972
♪ Without you
25
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:47,063
♪ I'd find my smile
26
00:01:47,063 --> 00:01:49,848
♪ Without you
27
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:52,329
♪ I'd have won by a mile
28
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:54,853
♪ Without you
29
00:01:54,853 --> 00:01:58,466
♪ Oh, life would be
so grand ♪
30
00:01:58,466 --> 00:02:00,511
♪ Without you
31
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:02,731
♪ I'm half a man
32
00:02:02,731 --> 00:02:06,343
♪ Without you
33
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:13,394
♪ Without you...
34
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:18,050
♪ Without you
35
00:02:27,886 --> 00:02:30,454
Oh, Richard!
Oh, thank God I found you.
36
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:31,499
Now it's you turn to hide.
37
00:02:31,499 --> 00:02:32,717
Go. I'll count
to a trillion.
38
00:02:32,717 --> 00:02:34,023
This is no time
for jokes.
39
00:02:34,023 --> 00:02:35,894
You've been missing
for two days,
40
00:02:35,894 --> 00:02:38,201
and a supernatural
fatwa is no time
41
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,115
to go on a bender, mister.
42
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:40,247
Sonja is missing.
43
00:02:40,247 --> 00:02:41,987
Sonja is not
fucking missing.
44
00:02:41,987 --> 00:02:43,989
She's just trying
to teach me a lesson.
45
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:45,600
The dealership is crawling
with police officers.
46
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,167
Fuck, Albertan?
47
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,169
You cannot drown your
problems in alcohol.
48
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:50,605
God, I wish I could.
49
00:02:50,605 --> 00:02:51,867
I'd start
by drowning you.
50
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,351
"Farmington
Detention Facility"?
51
00:02:57,351 --> 00:02:59,353
You have a collect
call from--
52
00:02:59,353 --> 00:03:03,183
Get me the fuck out
of here! It's Mom.
53
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:04,445
Oh, fuck.
54
00:03:04,445 --> 00:03:05,924
Just what I need today.
55
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:07,187
Is it Sonja?
Is she all right?
56
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,232
Listen, fuck face,
Sonja is fine.
57
00:03:09,232 --> 00:03:10,494
Every time we break up,
58
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:12,017
she goes into
hiding for a week.
59
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:14,106
Or dark forces are
conspiring against you,
60
00:03:14,106 --> 00:03:16,283
and Sonja's
their latest casualty.
61
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,632
I need a drink.
62
00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:18,720
No, no!
63
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,809
You need to rest
and clear your head.
64
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:22,202
No, cum puddle.
65
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,987
What I need is to get some
rest and clear my head,
66
00:03:24,987 --> 00:03:27,337
so I can figure out
what to fucking do next.
67
00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,035
Give me that fucking bottle!
68
00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:31,254
No, no,
wait, wait, wait.
69
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,256
Only-- Only if
you stay here,
70
00:03:33,256 --> 00:03:34,344
where I can keep
track of you.
71
00:03:34,344 --> 00:03:36,041
Just-- Just let
me deal with this.
72
00:03:36,041 --> 00:03:37,956
And how are you going
to do that?
73
00:03:39,088 --> 00:03:40,437
I know.
74
00:03:40,437 --> 00:03:41,830
I'll find that
fortune-teller.
75
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:43,440
Yeah, because there must
be more to this prophecy:
76
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:45,050
a loophole,
another clue.
77
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,270
Here! I'm on it.
78
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,925
Get me a burrito.
79
00:03:49,925 --> 00:03:50,926
Extra salsa?
80
00:03:50,926 --> 00:03:55,365
What the fuck
do you think?
81
00:03:55,365 --> 00:03:56,540
Ugh!
82
00:04:04,331 --> 00:04:06,898
Yes, I found
Sonja's car,
83
00:04:06,898 --> 00:04:09,074
and I can assure
as assistant office manger--
84
00:04:09,074 --> 00:04:10,293
She was missing
for how long
85
00:04:10,293 --> 00:04:12,208
before anyone noticed
before she was gone?
86
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:14,036
Look, you know how
crazy broads get
87
00:04:14,036 --> 00:04:15,733
when they get that monthly
Rorschach test
88
00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:16,734
in their panties.
89
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:17,866
Just hurry up.
90
00:04:17,866 --> 00:04:19,084
Get out of here.
91
00:04:19,084 --> 00:04:20,521
You're frightening off
the customers.
92
00:04:20,521 --> 00:04:21,739
Oh, I agree, Daddy.
93
00:04:21,739 --> 00:04:24,307
This is really not good
for business so--
94
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,135
I meant you.
95
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:27,267
What?
96
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,268
Ugh!
97
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:32,620
That rodeo tramp couldn't
find her ass with a map.
98
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,056
She'll find something.
99
00:04:34,056 --> 00:04:36,972
Your son isn't as smart
as he thinks he is.
100
00:04:36,972 --> 00:04:38,408
When he was in kindergarten,
101
00:04:38,408 --> 00:04:40,758
that knob gobbler
flunked recess.
102
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,934
His favourite colour was four.
103
00:04:42,934 --> 00:04:46,155
He thinks Planet of the Apes
is a documentary.
104
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:48,549
He thinks vagina is
a city in Saskatchewan.
105
00:04:48,549 --> 00:04:51,508
He thinks General Motors
is the name of a soldier.
106
00:04:51,508 --> 00:04:53,249
He's so stupid.
107
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:57,209
He's... so...
108
00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:59,734
stupid.
109
00:04:59,734 --> 00:05:01,823
Ew, really?
110
00:05:01,823 --> 00:05:02,998
You and
the petrified penis?
111
00:05:02,998 --> 00:05:04,826
What a cute
couple you make.
112
00:05:04,826 --> 00:05:06,218
He's more of a man
than you'll ever be.
113
00:05:06,218 --> 00:05:08,525
You got a lot of balls
showing your face in here.
114
00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,135
I got a lot more
balls than you.
115
00:05:10,135 --> 00:05:11,876
You're letting skirts
fight your battles now?
116
00:05:11,876 --> 00:05:14,618
You've been harassing
Dot for weeks now.
117
00:05:14,618 --> 00:05:16,707
Now I'm missing
my favourite receptionist.
118
00:05:16,707 --> 00:05:18,143
I wonder what
the police will think
119
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:19,275
when I tell them
about the problems
120
00:05:19,275 --> 00:05:21,538
you two were having,
the arguments.
121
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,758
She was distraught
over you.
122
00:05:23,758 --> 00:05:25,412
She's not missing,
you human urinal.
123
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:28,545
She's at home, crying
into her Ben Jerry's.
124
00:05:28,545 --> 00:05:30,286
Yeah, you stick
to that story.
125
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:33,071
You'll be a prison-shower
luffa by the end of the week.
126
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,334
Now get the fuck
off my lot.
127
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,031
I got a stake in this
fucking dealership.
128
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,380
I'm a partner.
129
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:41,253
Mm, from what I remember,
a very small partner.
130
00:05:47,434 --> 00:05:48,696
Call me Mom.
131
00:05:53,788 --> 00:05:55,572
You want to play
tough, old man?
132
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:58,923
I'll hit you
with an old bat.
133
00:06:01,143 --> 00:06:02,362
Josh! Josh!
134
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:03,406
I need your help.
135
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:05,016
No.
No-- Oh, God.
136
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:07,062
It's for Richard,
a mission.
137
00:06:07,062 --> 00:06:09,020
If you want to get rid of
that two-faced ex-girlfriend
138
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:10,282
of mine, I'm down.
139
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:11,762
If you want to get nachos,
I'm also down.
140
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:13,547
But I rather get rid of Dot
and then get some nachos.
141
00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,592
Okay.
I've already been
working on a plan.
142
00:06:15,592 --> 00:06:17,202
Now, the table is
the dealership. Good.
143
00:06:17,202 --> 00:06:19,030
- This beer bottle is Fitzy.
- Yeah.
144
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:20,467
These pliers are Dot.
145
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,599
- This used teabag is you.
- Why am I the--?
146
00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:23,600
And this is me.
147
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,688
Now, Dot leaves
the dealership
148
00:06:24,688 --> 00:06:27,256
at 5:00 p.m.
exactly every night.
149
00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:29,040
I follow her out.
150
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,217
When she drives away--
151
00:06:33,871 --> 00:06:35,133
I signal to you
guys that she's gone.
152
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,526
Guys, she's gone!
153
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:44,186
And then you, me and Fitz all
run back in the dealership.
154
00:06:45,535 --> 00:06:46,536
"I'm tall."
"Shut the fuck up, Larry."
155
00:06:46,536 --> 00:06:47,537
"Ring, a-ding, ding."
156
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:51,236
And then we lock
the doors.
157
00:06:54,239 --> 00:06:56,633
Lock ourselves
inside the dealership?
158
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:58,026
That's your plan?
159
00:06:58,026 --> 00:06:59,114
Well, it's Plan A.
160
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:01,072
Still got Plan B,
C, D and F.
161
00:07:01,072 --> 00:07:03,248
Okay, well, what's Plan E?Plan E?
162
00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,163
Jesus, Larry, I thought
you of all people
163
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:07,557
would appreciate the value
of human life. You're--
164
00:07:07,557 --> 00:07:09,646
Josh, Josh, I need your
help for Richard!
165
00:07:09,646 --> 00:07:11,822
If you want to get rid
166
00:07:11,822 --> 00:07:13,302
of that two-faced
ex-girlfriend of mine, I'm down.
167
00:07:13,302 --> 00:07:15,304
If you want to get nachos,
I'm also down.
168
00:07:15,304 --> 00:07:18,829
Shut your mouth!
169
00:07:40,198 --> 00:07:44,246
- That will be all.
- Yes, ma'am.
170
00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:50,557
"Smoking can harm
or kill your baby."
171
00:07:53,081 --> 00:07:54,778
Now they tell me.
172
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:57,389
Shoplifting, huh?
173
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,175
Amateur.
174
00:08:00,175 --> 00:08:02,351
Support hose
aren't cheap, kid.
175
00:08:02,351 --> 00:08:03,874
You want out of here?
176
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,963
Sign this.
177
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:08,792
I need temporary proxy control
of your share of the dealership.
178
00:08:08,792 --> 00:08:10,664
We all need
something, baby.
179
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:12,361
Ken's got himself
a new psycho harpy.
180
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:13,667
They're trying
to squeeze me
181
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:16,191
out of my dealership
and have me arrested.
182
00:08:16,191 --> 00:08:19,368
I'll put that on the top of the
list of shit I don't care about.
183
00:08:19,368 --> 00:08:21,196
I'm just trying to level
the playing field.
184
00:08:21,196 --> 00:08:22,937
Ken's got a psycho harpy.
185
00:08:22,937 --> 00:08:25,156
I need one too.
Fire with fire.
186
00:08:25,156 --> 00:08:26,636
You know the deal.
187
00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:31,032
I'm the only one
that can control
188
00:08:31,032 --> 00:08:34,165
that bastard you
call a father.
189
00:08:34,165 --> 00:08:35,602
What's in it for me?
190
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:40,563
How about I don't leave
you here to rot alone?
191
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:16,425
Albertan?
192
00:09:16,425 --> 00:09:18,079
What, are you
trying to kill me?
193
00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:19,428
Don't tempt me.
194
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:30,134
Darn it, Richard.
I told you to stay home.
195
00:09:30,134 --> 00:09:31,266
Oh, dear God!
196
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:33,268
Still hanging out
with the beanstalk?
197
00:09:33,268 --> 00:09:35,183
Pays the bills.
198
00:09:35,183 --> 00:09:37,577
Uh, can I get
you something?
199
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:38,621
A drink?
200
00:09:38,621 --> 00:09:41,189
Maybe a bus ticket?
201
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:42,973
I think I'm going
to freshen up.
202
00:09:42,973 --> 00:09:44,235
Where's your coke?
203
00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:45,628
Should be some
behind the soap dish.
204
00:09:45,628 --> 00:09:47,108
Okay.
205
00:09:47,108 --> 00:09:50,241
Richard, what is that
woman doing here?
206
00:09:50,241 --> 00:09:52,374
Dot Foxley's making
a romance play for Ken.
207
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:54,202
She gets a share
of the dealership; I'm fucked.
208
00:09:54,202 --> 00:09:56,291
That still doesn't explain
your mother's presence.
209
00:09:56,291 --> 00:09:58,162
I'm going to lock Ken in
a room with that cock dragon
210
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,295
until he swears off women
or kills himself.
211
00:10:00,295 --> 00:10:02,384
Either way, I win.
212
00:10:02,384 --> 00:10:04,473
Okay, okay, Richard,
we need to concentrate
213
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,301
on finding that
fortune-teller.
214
00:10:06,301 --> 00:10:08,651
Now, look, I've learned that
many "carnival people"
215
00:10:08,651 --> 00:10:12,220
spend most of their off season
in a town not far from here.
216
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:13,221
Now, if you're not going
to listen to me and rest,
217
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:14,222
we should check
that out.
218
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:15,615
I just blew most
of my bank roll
219
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,225
bailing out
that sausage oven,
220
00:10:17,225 --> 00:10:19,009
and I still haven't paid
the Lebanese mob
221
00:10:19,009 --> 00:10:20,184
their weekly sanitation fee.
222
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,533
If she bolts, I'm dead.
223
00:10:21,533 --> 00:10:23,753
Have you forgotten
what happened
224
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,494
the last time
we saw Elaine?
225
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,713
You know what
she's like.
226
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:28,062
She only cares
about one thing.
227
00:10:28,062 --> 00:10:29,672
That's right, Elaine!
228
00:10:29,672 --> 00:10:31,674
Uh, let's talk compensation.
229
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:33,023
And money!
230
00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:34,024
Didn't I just
bail you out?
231
00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,504
Mama needs some
pocket change,
232
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,679
10 large up front.
233
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,463
Two now, the rest
when Dot Foxley's
234
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:40,248
a bad stain on
the bed sheets.
235
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:45,514
Time for Mama to earn her
money the old-fashioned way,
236
00:10:45,514 --> 00:10:47,124
by actually earning it.
237
00:10:47,124 --> 00:10:48,386
Trust me, kid.
238
00:10:48,386 --> 00:10:51,955
I know how to push your
old man's buttons.
239
00:10:51,955 --> 00:10:55,437
Your paying your mother
to have sex with your father?
240
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:57,569
Oh, Richard.
241
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:58,875
Relax, Larry.
242
00:10:58,875 --> 00:11:02,531
How do you think they
met in the first place?
243
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:10,626
Hi, we are a little
short-staffed today.
244
00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:12,062
Someone will be
right with you.
245
00:11:12,062 --> 00:11:15,326
Okay.
246
00:11:15,326 --> 00:11:16,327
I like it.
247
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:20,114
I like it as well...
248
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:23,639
Well played,
Richard Fitzpatrick.
249
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:31,168
Darling, there's something
I have to tell you.
250
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,735
Cut the crap, legs.
251
00:11:32,735 --> 00:11:33,867
You're not the first broad
252
00:11:33,867 --> 00:11:36,086
to try and play me
by setting up house.
253
00:11:36,086 --> 00:11:37,174
And since the last one left me
254
00:11:37,174 --> 00:11:39,568
with two ungrateful abominations,
255
00:11:39,568 --> 00:11:41,352
I'm not interested.
256
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,311
You don't want to call
me your girlfriend?
257
00:11:43,311 --> 00:11:45,574
Fine, I'm not
your girlfriend.
258
00:11:45,574 --> 00:11:47,750
Call me your
pecker holster.
259
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,230
Call me your whore.
260
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:51,275
Call me Elaine.
I don't care.
261
00:11:51,275 --> 00:11:55,149
Just promise me
one thing. Call me.
262
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:58,761
We could have a life
together, Ken Fitzpatrick.
263
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:01,895
You, out.
264
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:04,332
We'll continue our
conversation later.
265
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:07,161
Elaine.
266
00:12:07,161 --> 00:12:08,640
That's it?
267
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,643
No, "Get out out my sight,
you desiccated penis glove"?
268
00:12:11,643 --> 00:12:13,167
You got your divorce papers.
269
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,909
You stole 25%
of my dealership.
270
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:18,302
So unless you're here
to suck my blood--
271
00:12:18,302 --> 00:12:19,521
I was thinking we
could get liquored up
272
00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:22,611
and then go at each
other like rabid dogs.
273
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:27,268
Then go at each other
like rabid dogs.
274
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,145
Scotch?
275
00:12:35,145 --> 00:12:37,452
What is that? Some kind
of a fucking joke?
276
00:12:37,452 --> 00:12:40,194
Oh, my God.
277
00:12:40,194 --> 00:12:42,457
Have you still got your
panties in a twist
278
00:12:42,457 --> 00:12:45,286
over that stupid
bottle of Scotch?
279
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:46,809
It wasn't a stupid bottle.
280
00:12:46,809 --> 00:12:49,116
It was a goddamn
collector's item!
281
00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:51,771
Oh, get over it, Fitzpatrick.
282
00:12:51,771 --> 00:12:53,163
Life is too short.
283
00:12:53,163 --> 00:12:55,209
Foxley!
Yes, sir?
284
00:12:55,209 --> 00:12:57,820
Do your job.
Take out the trash.
285
00:12:57,820 --> 00:12:59,779
That's a good way
to lose an arm, sweetheart.
286
00:13:16,056 --> 00:13:18,145
You mentioned
the fucking Scotch?
287
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:19,189
You think he'd be
over it by now.
288
00:13:19,189 --> 00:13:20,930
Oh, fuck.
Shows what you know.
289
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:23,150
That Scotch would be
worth a fortune by now.
290
00:13:23,150 --> 00:13:25,848
Enough to get those
Leb mobsters off my ass.
291
00:13:25,848 --> 00:13:27,328
I could hole up
somewhere nice and quiet,
292
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:29,112
and just wait for
the fucking Beaver Moon.
293
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:30,461
The Beaver--
What the fuck?
294
00:13:30,461 --> 00:13:32,289
Don't worry about it.
Just do your fucking job.
295
00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:34,378
Don't fill your diapers.
I'll get it done.
296
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:35,640
Not if you're back
in jail you won't.
297
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,294
You wouldn't dare.
298
00:13:37,294 --> 00:13:39,514
You're the one who taught me to
never get stuck with a lemon.
299
00:13:39,514 --> 00:13:40,907
You ungrateful bastard.
300
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,082
And you wonder why I left?
301
00:13:42,082 --> 00:13:43,431
Oh, I know
why you left.
302
00:13:43,431 --> 00:13:44,998
Mommy, loves you, honey.
303
00:13:44,998 --> 00:13:47,435
She just loves vodka
a little more.
304
00:13:47,435 --> 00:13:49,045
For five years I thought
vodka was my brother
305
00:13:49,045 --> 00:13:51,047
you kept in the cupboard.
306
00:13:51,047 --> 00:13:52,353
You know what?
307
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:53,223
When you're done
strolling down memory lane,
308
00:13:53,223 --> 00:13:55,356
wake me up.
Memory lane.
309
00:13:57,358 --> 00:13:59,708
Memory lane.
310
00:13:59,708 --> 00:14:01,014
If we can remind
the old man
311
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:02,493
of what a misery
it is being married,
312
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:03,886
Dot won't
stand a chance.
313
00:14:03,886 --> 00:14:06,149
Family trip like
the old days?
314
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:07,716
Yeah.
315
00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:09,892
Well, good luck getting that
lard ass out of his recliner.
316
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:12,373
That's easy.
317
00:14:12,373 --> 00:14:14,201
Daddy, tax man!
318
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:24,907
See, I'm good
for things.
319
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:26,213
I'm helpful.
320
00:14:26,213 --> 00:14:27,779
I'm a valuable part
of this business.
321
00:14:27,779 --> 00:14:30,826
Over here.
Come on. Come on!
322
00:14:33,611 --> 00:14:35,744
Elaine? What the fuck
is this shit?
323
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:38,094
Mom? So, what,
there's no tax man?
324
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:40,140
This is why you made
me lie to Daddy?
325
00:14:40,140 --> 00:14:41,141
What the fuck?
326
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,446
Nobody tells me anything!
327
00:14:42,446 --> 00:14:45,188
Hello, uh...
328
00:14:45,188 --> 00:14:46,450
Meghan.
329
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,148
- I always hated that name.
- Seriously, Daddy.
330
00:14:48,148 --> 00:14:50,106
I had no idea.
331
00:14:50,106 --> 00:14:52,369
You fuckers really think
you can kidnap me?
332
00:14:52,369 --> 00:14:54,545
Who the fuck would pay
to get you back?
333
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,330
I demand answers.
Why are you even here?
334
00:14:56,330 --> 00:14:57,940
Well, your brother
needed help.
335
00:14:57,940 --> 00:14:59,289
Oh, so you just
come running? Hah!
336
00:14:59,289 --> 00:15:00,682
What about me?
What about my needs?
337
00:15:00,682 --> 00:15:01,988
Ten grand,
she's all yours.
338
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,859
Would somebody just
fucking shoot me?
339
00:15:03,859 --> 00:15:05,295
You're not getting off
that easy, old man.
340
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,688
Just drive.
341
00:15:06,688 --> 00:15:07,907
We're going somewhere?
342
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,038
You never told me
we're going somewhere.
343
00:15:09,038 --> 00:15:10,257
You're trying to leave
me behind again.
344
00:15:10,257 --> 00:15:12,607
That's just great.
Mom? Daddy?
345
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,610
I swear to fucking God!
346
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:26,360
Her name is Laverne,
347
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:31,365
and she lives
in a gypsy caravan?
348
00:15:31,365 --> 00:15:33,106
Never heard of her.
349
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:34,411
Okay, okay, well,
if you do come across her,
350
00:15:34,411 --> 00:15:37,240
please, give me
a call, okay?
351
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:42,245
Because a man's life and that
of his conscience depends on it.
352
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,855
Freak.
353
00:15:46,162 --> 00:15:47,859
I would pay to see not
to watch her shave.
354
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:49,513
We should have found
Laverne by now.
355
00:15:49,513 --> 00:15:52,255
God knows what Richard
and his mother are up to.
356
00:15:52,255 --> 00:15:54,301
This is not good, Josh.
357
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:55,215
This is really bad.
358
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:56,564
I have memories of Ulie.
359
00:15:56,564 --> 00:15:58,174
He was a good friend.
360
00:15:58,174 --> 00:15:59,610
At least
I thought he was.
361
00:15:59,610 --> 00:16:01,221
Turns out Ulie was
a double agent,
362
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:02,962
and I was ordered
to terminate him.
363
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:06,226
As I was tailing him,
I got surrounded, ambushed.
364
00:16:06,226 --> 00:16:08,271
So I barricaded myself
in this farmhouse.
365
00:16:08,271 --> 00:16:10,665
And he was there.
366
00:16:10,665 --> 00:16:13,146
I couldn't do it, man.
367
00:16:13,146 --> 00:16:17,498
I c-couldn't kill him.
368
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,542
Because he was
your friend.
369
00:16:18,542 --> 00:16:20,980
Because he was
a zombie, man.
370
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:25,245
Because he was
a zombie.
371
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,788
The old
Fitzpatrick shithole.
372
00:16:46,788 --> 00:16:49,051
The happiest day
of my life was here,
373
00:16:49,051 --> 00:16:52,228
the day I left you
two crap factories.
374
00:16:58,495 --> 00:17:01,150
I remember this tree.
375
00:17:01,150 --> 00:17:02,412
I used to try
and climb it everyday,
376
00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:03,935
and everyday the old
man used to tell me
377
00:17:03,935 --> 00:17:04,980
I'd never make it.
378
00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:09,332
Oh, my gosh,
are you going to cry?
379
00:17:09,332 --> 00:17:12,118
Hey, everyone,
Dick's going to cry!
380
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,250
It wasn't just
a bottle of Scotch!
381
00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:17,601
- Oh, Jesus, here we go.
It was your ego.
382
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:20,126
Remember the last time they
fought about the Scotch?
383
00:17:20,126 --> 00:17:23,738
Yeah, it was the day
that Elaine left, perfect.
384
00:17:23,738 --> 00:17:26,175
How is that perfect?
385
00:17:26,175 --> 00:17:27,176
That Scotch was from the--
386
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,004
Kennedy
Inauguration Ball.
387
00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:32,268
It had the executive
seal on it.
388
00:17:32,268 --> 00:17:35,184
That Scotch was
part of history.
389
00:17:35,184 --> 00:17:37,317
You know how much
that bottle cost me?
390
00:17:37,317 --> 00:17:39,319
Nothing.
You stole it.
391
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:40,450
And you know
how I know?
392
00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:41,930
Because you never
shut up about it.
393
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:44,280
That bottle of Scotch
ruined my childhood.
394
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:48,110
With no mother to teach
me about boys or fashion
395
00:17:48,110 --> 00:17:51,113
or what to do when my
stocking went too far--
396
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:52,506
You were better
off without her.
397
00:17:52,506 --> 00:17:54,160
You maybe. Not me.
398
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,162
You know how
I learned about sex?
399
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:57,902
Sneaking into your room
and looking at your porn.
400
00:17:57,902 --> 00:17:58,947
Yeah, I know.
401
00:17:58,947 --> 00:18:00,253
I read about it
in your diary.
402
00:18:00,253 --> 00:18:02,037
You're not supposed
to look in my diary!
403
00:18:02,037 --> 00:18:04,039
And you were supposed to
stay out of my fucking room!
404
00:18:04,039 --> 00:18:06,302
You loved that Scotch
more than you loved me.
405
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,957
Why wouldn't I?
406
00:18:08,957 --> 00:18:10,654
Scotch keeps me warm.
407
00:18:10,654 --> 00:18:13,788
Scotch makes me feel
good about myself.
408
00:18:13,788 --> 00:18:15,181
Scotch gives me pleasure.
409
00:18:16,486 --> 00:18:18,923
And that bottle,
410
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:20,142
that bottle would
be like sucking
411
00:18:20,142 --> 00:18:21,665
on the tit of a goddess.
412
00:18:21,665 --> 00:18:22,710
Ooh!
413
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,146
Just like always,
414
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:25,887
blame all your
problems on Elaine.
415
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:29,151
You did it on purpose.
416
00:18:29,151 --> 00:18:31,675
You knew Dad would blame Mom.
417
00:18:31,675 --> 00:18:35,331
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
418
00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:36,463
Daddy!
419
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:39,248
Mom didn't take
that bottle of Scotch.
420
00:18:39,248 --> 00:18:40,858
It was Dick.
421
00:18:42,338 --> 00:18:44,514
Teach you to read
my fucking diary.
422
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:52,435
I heard you were
looking for me.
423
00:18:52,435 --> 00:18:54,611
Where did you come from?
424
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:58,093
My van.
425
00:18:58,093 --> 00:18:59,834
Did the spirits
send you?
426
00:18:59,834 --> 00:19:02,358
If by "spirits," you mean
Marty at the gas station,
427
00:19:02,358 --> 00:19:05,187
then, yes,
the spirits sent me.
428
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:06,797
What do you want?
429
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:08,277
Oh, well, it's--
It's about Richard.
430
00:19:08,277 --> 00:19:09,278
See, it's almost
the Beaver Moon,
431
00:19:09,278 --> 00:19:10,627
but he still refuses
to search
432
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:13,239
for his shadowy figure,
let alone make amends.
433
00:19:13,239 --> 00:19:16,198
Oh, right, Fitz.
434
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:20,202
Mm.
435
00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:21,943
Contacting
the spirit world
436
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:26,208
requires a distinct sensual
interaction on our part.
437
00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:28,341
And you're cute
438
00:19:28,341 --> 00:19:29,211
but you're not
"freebie" cute.
439
00:19:29,211 --> 00:19:30,212
You feel me?
440
00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:33,737
You don't feel me.
441
00:19:33,737 --> 00:19:36,218
I need the big O
in order to talk to the dead.
442
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:38,002
Oprah?
443
00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:39,134
The other big O.
444
00:19:39,134 --> 00:19:41,745
Oh, Oklahoma.
445
00:19:41,745 --> 00:19:44,008
200 bucks,
save your friend.
446
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:47,055
Yeah, that's a very
generous offer, Laverne,
447
00:19:47,055 --> 00:19:48,187
but I don't have two--
448
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:51,668
- Josh?
- Oh, looks like it's all on you.
449
00:19:51,668 --> 00:19:53,104
Oh, no, but you
know what?
450
00:19:53,104 --> 00:19:55,194
I'm actually a very
old-fashioned kind of guy.
451
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,239
And we haven't even gone
on a date or held hands
452
00:19:57,239 --> 00:19:59,546
or laughed about something
that we both liked
453
00:19:59,546 --> 00:20:02,070
but that nobody else
in the world did.
454
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:05,204
I have a mattress
in the back.
455
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,597
Yeah, yeah, look, it's not
that I'm not attracted.
456
00:20:07,597 --> 00:20:08,598
It's just this whole--
457
00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:10,165
How do I put it?
458
00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:12,559
Yeah, unwashed public-toilet
seat quality to this.
459
00:20:14,256 --> 00:20:17,128
It's sanitized.
460
00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:21,176
Oh, I can do
this for Richard.
461
00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:23,483
No, no!
462
00:20:23,483 --> 00:20:25,311
I am so sorry, Laverne.
463
00:20:25,311 --> 00:20:26,573
Please, don't take
it personally.
464
00:20:26,573 --> 00:20:27,922
You're a very
beautiful woman.
465
00:20:27,922 --> 00:20:30,925
Who we just gave
$200 to. Origami.
466
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:32,579
Then there's nothing
I can do for you.
467
00:20:32,579 --> 00:20:35,538
Please, there must be
some other way.
468
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,326
What the fuck did you
do with my Scotch?
469
00:20:40,326 --> 00:20:41,892
How the fuck should I know?
470
00:20:41,892 --> 00:20:43,242
I was seven years old.
471
00:20:43,242 --> 00:20:44,852
Oh, why am I
not surprised?
472
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:48,812
Every broken vase,
every torched couch, you.
473
00:20:48,812 --> 00:20:50,423
Right, no one else
is to blame.
474
00:20:50,423 --> 00:20:55,254
You know, parenting requires
more than scowling and smoking?
475
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,255
I didn't have
a childhood because of you.
476
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,473
I ought
to sue your ass.
477
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:59,301
Fuck suing!
I'm going to kill him!
478
00:20:59,301 --> 00:21:00,694
You know how much that
bottle was worth?
479
00:21:00,694 --> 00:21:02,696
FITZ, MEGHAN AND ELAINE:
Yes!
480
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:05,264
You know what? Fuck you,
fuck you and fuck you.
481
00:21:07,048 --> 00:21:08,397
This is all
your fault.
482
00:21:08,397 --> 00:21:10,094
The little
bastard framed me.
483
00:21:10,094 --> 00:21:11,705
He got the crazy
from you!
484
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:12,923
What'd he get from you?
485
00:21:12,923 --> 00:21:14,316
The premature ejaculation?
486
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:15,578
Oh, that's right.
487
00:21:15,578 --> 00:21:19,147
It's always Richard,
Richard, Richard!
488
00:21:36,425 --> 00:21:38,427
X marks the spot.
489
00:21:47,175 --> 00:21:48,263
Anything?
490
00:21:48,263 --> 00:21:49,351
This would go a lot faster
491
00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:50,787
if you stop talking.
492
00:21:50,787 --> 00:21:52,485
Sorry.
493
00:21:52,485 --> 00:21:53,747
How about now?
494
00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:56,358
Shut up.
495
00:21:56,358 --> 00:22:01,885
Oh. Oh.
496
00:22:01,885 --> 00:22:04,148
Ah.
497
00:22:04,148 --> 00:22:06,673
Okay.
498
00:22:09,458 --> 00:22:12,287
Ugh, that was the most
unsatisfying 200 I've ever made.
499
00:22:12,287 --> 00:22:13,810
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
what did the spirits say?
500
00:22:13,810 --> 00:22:15,290
Not much.
501
00:22:15,290 --> 00:22:16,770
They made fun of you for not
being able to seal the deal.
502
00:22:16,770 --> 00:22:19,207
And then they told me
503
00:22:19,207 --> 00:22:22,166
the shadowy figure
is closer than you think,
504
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:24,212
and to keep watching
for the signs.
505
00:22:24,212 --> 00:22:25,518
No, but we've
already seen them.
506
00:22:25,518 --> 00:22:27,520
The train-track hickey,
the glass, the fire.
507
00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:29,739
Not a hickey,
train tracks.
508
00:22:29,739 --> 00:22:31,306
Spirits are very literal.
509
00:22:31,306 --> 00:22:32,351
Yeah, Larry.
510
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,265
Could you please
ask the spirits
511
00:22:34,265 --> 00:22:36,790
to be a little
more specific?
512
00:22:36,790 --> 00:22:39,662
Sure, there's a bank machine
the next town over.
513
00:22:39,662 --> 00:22:41,969
Oh.
514
00:22:44,972 --> 00:22:46,974
"Closer than you think"?
515
00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:50,107
Oh, no, Elaine.
516
00:22:50,107 --> 00:22:51,544
So what did
the spirits say about me?
517
00:22:51,544 --> 00:22:53,067
Josh, we have
to go get Richard.
518
00:22:53,067 --> 00:22:54,938
Tell me later.
519
00:23:13,261 --> 00:23:17,004
Holy shit.
520
00:23:17,004 --> 00:23:18,745
Keep your mouth shut,
and I'll split it with you.
521
00:23:18,745 --> 00:23:20,007
I hate Scotch.
522
00:23:20,007 --> 00:23:21,008
But you love money.
523
00:23:21,008 --> 00:23:22,792
What do you say? 80/20?
524
00:23:22,792 --> 00:23:24,228
Daddy, Richard
found your bottle!
525
00:23:24,228 --> 00:23:25,229
No, no, shh!
526
00:23:25,229 --> 00:23:27,014
Shut--
527
00:23:27,014 --> 00:23:28,798
Give me that bottle,
you ungrateful little shit!
528
00:23:28,798 --> 00:23:30,191
You want it?
Fire Dot.
529
00:23:30,191 --> 00:23:31,366
- What?
- You heard me.
530
00:23:31,366 --> 00:23:33,107
I want her out
of our lives, or I'll--
531
00:23:33,107 --> 00:23:34,282
No, no, no! Fine.
532
00:23:34,282 --> 00:23:35,414
She's toast.
533
00:23:35,414 --> 00:23:37,198
Now give me.
534
00:23:39,330 --> 00:23:40,506
Thanks for your
help, Mom.
535
00:23:57,174 --> 00:24:00,264
Stupid shit-fuck.
536
00:24:00,264 --> 00:24:02,266
First cancer,
now my fucking Scotch.
537
00:24:02,266 --> 00:24:03,703
Cancer?
538
00:24:03,703 --> 00:24:05,748
Oh, so that's why
you've been going gaga
539
00:24:05,748 --> 00:24:08,447
after some skirt and whining
about your mortality.
540
00:24:08,447 --> 00:24:09,883
Cancer? Boo-hoo.
541
00:24:09,883 --> 00:24:12,712
Breasts, skin, ass.
542
00:24:12,712 --> 00:24:14,975
A slice, a little chemo,
good as new.
543
00:24:14,975 --> 00:24:19,196
Down a nut.
544
00:24:19,196 --> 00:24:23,462
You are Ken
fucking Fitzpatrick.
545
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:26,073
You're twice the man
with one nut
546
00:24:26,073 --> 00:24:29,293
than junior could
ever be with four.
547
00:24:29,293 --> 00:24:31,731
You always had a way
to cheer me up.
548
00:24:31,731 --> 00:24:34,821
Shut up and fuck me.
549
00:24:34,821 --> 00:24:35,865
Oh!
550
00:24:41,654 --> 00:24:43,307
♪ Something Oh, Ken.
551
00:24:43,307 --> 00:24:45,222
♪ Happens to me
552
00:24:45,222 --> 00:24:48,182
Mm.
553
00:24:48,182 --> 00:24:52,229
Are they eating
each other?
554
00:24:52,229 --> 00:24:56,233
I think they're kissing.
555
00:24:56,233 --> 00:24:59,541
♪ A strange kind
of chemical change ♪
556
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:03,197
♪ Goes rushing through me
557
00:25:03,197 --> 00:25:07,288
♪ I know that
mysterious glow ♪
558
00:25:07,288 --> 00:25:09,725
♪ Means you'll appeal
559
00:25:09,725 --> 00:25:11,292
♪ And, darling
560
00:25:11,292 --> 00:25:15,818
♪ Something happens to me
561
00:25:15,818 --> 00:25:17,777
♪ In your eyes
562
00:25:17,777 --> 00:25:18,865
♪ When I feel
563
00:25:18,865 --> 00:25:20,954
I call dibs
on his watch.
564
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:25,045
♪ You're trembling too
565
00:25:25,045 --> 00:25:28,265
♪ I can tell you've
been caught ♪
566
00:25:28,265 --> 00:25:29,266
♪ In the spell
567
00:25:29,266 --> 00:25:32,618
♪ That I am under
568
00:25:32,618 --> 00:25:36,360
♪ We gaze into each
other's eyes ♪
569
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,363
♪ In breathless wonder
570
00:25:39,363 --> 00:25:43,803
♪ To see that when
something happens to me
571
00:25:43,803 --> 00:25:48,851
♪ It happens to you
572
00:25:51,288 --> 00:25:56,250
♪ It happens to you
39996
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