All language subtitles for Call Me Fitz (2010) S02E04 (1080p AMZN WEB-DL H264 SDR DDP 5.1 English - HONE)_track3_[eng]

You know the guy who said,

"No man is an island"?

Same douche bag who thought
Denmark was rotting.

Fuck that guy.

And welcome
to the Island of Fitz.

I'll take it.

Oh, yes, you will.

Larry, bring her the keys.

Yes, sir.

Only 1 way to make sure

people recognize
who did what.

And that's to do it
all on your own.

Sonja, be a doll and write up
the paperwork, will you?

Larry, mark it on the board.

Oh, will you look at that?

Number one again.

What do you say we celebrate
with a well-moisturized hand?

Be self-sufficient.
An island.

There.

Saved you a step.

What did I tell you?

You want something done right,

you got to do it yourself.

♪ Without you

♪ I find my smile

♪ Without you

♪ I won
by a mile ♪

♪ Without you

♪ Oh life would be
so grand ♪

♪ Without you

♪ I'm half a man

♪ Without you

♪ Without you...

♪ Without you

Got you some Hindu Kush,
some purple Urkle,

and a surprisingly refreshing
hybrid of sativa strains.

But if we're celebrating--Oh, we're celebrating.

Okay. Wow. I got you
a classic

5-paper
.

That's what I love
about you, Josh.

You do 1 thing very well. Mm.

I love you too, man.

Oh, hey, and in honour
of whatever we're celebrating,

I got you this.

That background check
on Larry you asked for.

I asked you for this
last year.

Yeah. The first red flag

was when he claimed
to be your conscience.

But as you can see,
it's far, far more disturbing.

I mean, look at that.
Former Special Ops.

Medical records show symptoms
of PTSD and Gulf War Syndrome.

But here's the kicker:
1/13th Cherokee.

I'm not 1/13th Cherokee, Josh.

- Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not.

Yeah, you are.
No, I'm not.

- Yeah, you are.
- This is you, Josh.

I'm your conscience?

Richard, do we really have
time for paranoid delusions

and psychotropic--What does that make Larry?

Listen, morons,
I'm flushed with cash,

I got my first good night's
sleep in months

and I'm finally breaking ground
in the Summer Wind Lounge.

I don't need Tweedledum
and Tweedle-functional retard

getting in my way,
not today.

Nothing is going
to ruin today.

Talk to me.

Fucking fuck!

Once again, the prophecy
rears its ugly head.

Anyone could have done this.

Who else but a shadowy nemesis

would dig up a literal skeleton
in your metaphorical closet?

A dog. A hobo.

- A hobo's dog.
- What?

Relax. No one knows we buried
her in the first place.

Except for you, me,
Ali, Meghan.

- Oh, and that asshole Glenn.
- Glenn.

Hey. Hey, this isn't a paid
vacation. Back to work.

Mr. Fitzpatrick,
what a surprise.

Officer.

What do you know
about this?

Well, this lush 2-acre parcel
has great views

and direct highway access.

About the body.

A body on my land?

Chester Vince offered
a trip to Cabo

for anyone who gets
charges against you to stick.

Might look like
a corpse to you,

but to me it looks like
a ticket to paradise.

Richard had nothing
to do with this.

Yeah, because this--

This is an ancient
Indian burial ground.

That's right.

Sacred Cherokee land.

And therefore off limits.

This is Unit 12.

We have a situation.

Delete. Delete.

Definitely delete.

Oh, I really like my hair
in this one.

And Fitzy's hair.

Ugh, no. Delete.

This just came for you.

Mr. Fitzpatrick and I
are through.

And there's nothing he can do
or say to change my mind.

Well, I don't think
it's from him.

Olaf.

Who's Olaf?

Oh, hon.

Here. Blow.

Hm.

Olaf is obviously somebody.

My first boyfriend.

Let me guess.

Breaking up with him was the
biggest mistake of your life.

- Yes.
- Because you broke his heart.

I did.
So you could be

with Richard Fitzpatrick.

How do you know all of this?

Every woman has an Olaf:

the good man we reject
for the selfish bastard.

Oh, he's just complex.

Fitz doesn't care about anyone
but himself.

And now fate is offering you
another chance

with your first love.

It's not every day
a man sends you

a heart-shaped sausage.

Oh, I couldn't
do that to him.

After all Fitz
has done to you?

No, I couldn't do that
to Olaf.

Oh, if Mr. Fitz
snapped his fingers,

I would go back to him
in a heartbeat.

Ugh!

Sometimes I just wish
he would tell me to leave.

But he never will

because he barely
even knows I'm here.

That won't do.

That won't do at all.

Really, Larry?

An ancient Indian
burial ground?

It's going to take the medical
examiner about 5 minutes

to figure out your
Chief Sitting Bullshit.

Look, I don't know
what came over me, okay?

It must have been all of Josh's
talk about Indian heritage.

But you know,
maybe we should--

We are going
to do nothing.

You are going
to keep your trap shut

before this whole thing
blows up in my face.

Richard Fitzpatrick.

I'm Chief Dwayne "Flying Eagle"
Smith of the Cherokee Nation.

We have business
to discuss.

Kaboom, fuck-tard.

Chief what-the-fuck-is-it?

Dwayne "Flying Eagle" Smith.

Have you never
seen an Indian before?

Easy on the jungle drums
here, kemosabe.

We're all friends here. Drink?

Fire water. What are you going
to offer me next,

a smallpox-infected blanket?

The police notified
our cultural centre

that an ancient Indian
burial ground was unearthed

on some piece of land
you claim to own.

Yeah, listen, buddy, we both
know that's not Indian land.

And we both know
that body didn't bury itself.

Are you saying
I lied to the cops?

Not a white lie, of course,

a lie for people
of all colours of the rainbow.

Despite your preconceived
notions from the Village People,

not all Indian chiefs
are gay.

And there's nothing wrong
with the ones that are.

Our crack team of tribal
anthropologists is on the case,

and I'm sure they'll be able
to prove that that body

is our ancient ancestor.

So you should swing by
the cultural centre

and sign over
that land to us now,

or who knows what
they'll discover.

You snaky fucker.

It's up to you, honky.

Yeah, that's right.

I went there.

Ancient Indian
burial ground?

I'm sorry, Richard.
I panicked.

And that is an explanation,
not a lie.

Sacred Cherokee lands?

The pressure got to me,
and all I could think of

was Josh's
Cherokee heritage.

Josh.

And, as the title deed
to the land is in Josh's name--

You said you were
taking me for ice cream.

or in Cherokee hands,
if you will,

your precious burial ground
has been returned.

If your friend
is actually Cherokee.

Oh, hey, Fitzy, look.

Friendship bracelets.
Let's get a couple.

Fuck, Josh,
will you focus?

What fucking language
is that?

Will you just give him
his fucking status card

so we can get out of here.

I would be happy
to welcome Josh here

into our tribe.

I'll even
swear him in myself.

Tell me you're not
going to fuck this up.

I'm not going
to fuck this--

Don't worry, I got this.

Bad boy.
I shouldn't lie.

See what happens?

Bad, bad boy.
Shouldn't lie.

Larry.
What?

I want you to be honest
with me.

Do you think that I have done
the right thing

by ending it with Fitz?

Does he care about anyone
besides himself?

Oh.

Absolutely.

Yeah, I-- I think that,
deep down, he, uh, he must.

Oh, it's like a drug!

You tell one lie
and you just can't stop.

But I promise you
I will never lie again.

What did you lie about?

Crap.

Okay, but listen,
you have to promise

never to repeat this,
because nobody else knows

except for Richard and Ali
and Meghan and that Glenn guy.

But nobody else, okay?

I, uh--

I helped Richard
bury a body.

What?!
Shh!

It was Ali's mother.
But we didn't kill her.

Well, Ali and Richard did.
But it was a mistake.

And of course,
Richard blames Ali.

And he's probably going
to lose his land

because that's where
she's buried.

So he's in a bit of a mood.
Excuse me.

All he cares about
is that stupid lounge.

God, you know what?

Dot Foxley was right.

Mr. Fitz is a, oh,
selfish, selfish B word.

Oh, no, Sonja,
Richard is not a B word.

And you cannot trust
that Dot Foxley. She--

She's a witch.

Yeah, w-w-with those
voodoo dolls

and the horrible things
she says, and those bangs.

And you know what?
She can do anything,

including manipulate
your feelings.

Wow, Larry.

What?

You know, I always thought that
Mr. Fitz was being hard on you.

But maybe you're just
a jerk.

No one manipulates me.

I manipulate myself.

Oh.

Sign here, here,
initial there.

Status card.

Hey.
Housing assistance.

And 2 complimentary
cartons of smokes.

Well, that's it?
That's the big ceremony?

That's just a formality.

This is the ceremony.

You're one of us now.

Welcome, brother.

I've always wanted a brother.

Now we smoke the peace pipe.

Oh, best brother ever!

Oh! Um...

Now, the first image you see

will be your Cherokee name.

Cool.

How long does it take
to sign a fucking status card?

Meet the newest son
of the Cherokee Nation:

Josh "Two Dogs Copulating"
McTaggert.

How, motherfucker.

Oh, fuck me.

Josh.
Ah, ah, ah.

- Two Dogs Copulating.
- Yeah, whatever.

Will you just go back there
and tell those lazy assholes

it's okay to break ground?

Chief Dwayne
says that we do not

inherit the land
from our ancestors,

but we borrow it
from our children.

Do not renege on this deal,
Indian giver.

Renege?
Yes.

Like the ice cream
that you promised me.

That I'm still waiting for.

Fine, you want to get
some ice cream?

Let's go get some
fucking ice cream.

The time for ice cream
is long since past.

You only gave me this land
because you wanted to use me.

Just as Chief Dwayne
had prophesized.

Not another prophecy, and who
gives a fuck about Chief Dwayne?

I do. And you know what?
Chief Dwayne cares about me.

Unlike some people I know.

You really want to double-cross
your best friend, Josh?

This land is our land.

It's not your land.

And best friend your face.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

You know, there is a lesson
in all of this.

Oh, hey, everyone, look.
It's Larry.

And he's got an important lesson
for all of us.

You know, you should
really think about--

Unless this has to do
with getting

my fucking land back,
I don't want to hear it.

Don't you see? This isn't just
me saying you should change.

It's destiny saying
you must.

You can't just go around
using people who care about you.

Well, you never have to worry
about me using you, Larry.

You're fucking useless.

It's not just me.

You use Josh for intoxication,
Sonja for sexual gratification.

You never value their feelings,
and guess what, buddy?

- They just walked away from you.
- Big fucking deal.

I find a new dealer
and another unhinged jaw.

And what about Ali Devon?

Hm? You couldn't admit
your feelings,

so you treated her horribly
to overcompensate for the fact

that you really cared
about her.

- No, I did that to get laid.
- And how did that end up?

With her mother's body
in the ground,

with is the whole reason
we are in this mess.

You're right.

Ali. That's who
I should be using.

I'll cut to the chase.

Someone dug up
mama dearest,

and Larry thought it would
get the cops off our backs

if we told them it was
an ancient Indian burial ground.

She's been buried
for 4 months.

Tell it to the Cherokees.

They fudged the investigation
and put in a land claim.

Well, great.
Then problem solved.

No, problem not solved.

They stole my land.
I need it back.

I am this close
to building my lounge.

So what do you want me
to do about it, exactly?

Take the fall?

- No way.
- Come on.

You've got that little-dicked
Chester Vince

wrapped around your finger.
You could do whatever you want.

And why would I want to
sacrifice myself to protect you?

Because you still love me.

How narcissistic
can you be?

You are a parasite,

and I will not let you
suck the life out of me anymore.

Oh, it's always you,
you, you.

What about me?
I will not use

my relationship with Chester
to help you.

Relationship?
That's right.

Holy shit. You're actually
dating that sexual anorexic?

Well, I'm not in the mood
for appetizers anymore.

Meeting's over, Fitz.

Yeah.

Fuck.

Hey.

So did Fitz send you?

No. No, no, no.

I mean, he drove me,
but I--

I come of my own accord.

Yeah, because, Josh,
your friendship is too important

- to just throw away.
- Then why is he in the car?

Look, it's my lie
that caused this rift.

So please, Josh,
you have to forgive him.

He is afraid
of real emotion

other than rage and orgasm.

So please,
help me help you

to help him.

I have a new way
of life now, Larry.

I catch dreams now.

Dreams.
Oh.

Oh, but didn't your people

intend to share their land?

Of course.
It is the Cherokee way.

And that is why I've agreed
to sign it over to Chief Dwayne.

Are you out
of your fucking mind?

Wait, wait, wait.
Richard, stop it.

Guys, I know tensions
are high right now--

Stop it!

but there's
a simple solution.

Richard, I believe
an apology is in order.

You're right. Where's my fucking
apology, asshole?

Richard, stop.

You apologize to Josh.

All right, Josh.
You know what?

You're right. I did.
I used you.

But I'm not
the only one.

Why do you think Chief Dwayne
had such a hard-on

for this piece of land?
Can't you see the signs?

It's a trick.

My brothers would never build
on sacred ground.

It is not the Cherokee way.

I hate to break it to you,

but that body
was no ancient stiff.

Your brother suppressed
a police investigation

and used you as a pawn
in order to build

an Indian casino
on my land.

That's the Chief Dwayne way.

I don't believe you.

Well, then,
you know what?

Fuck you, Josh.

Fuck you, Fitz.

No, sir.

- Fuck you, Larry!
- Fuck you, Larry!

These are my good
orgy cuffs.

Give me the fucking key
or they're going to find

2 more bodies
on this piece of land.

What do you mean?

Just give me
the fucking key, Larry!

No, I will not be scared
by your veiled threats.

And I've had enough
of the fighting and the deceit.

And we are not
going anywhere

until we resolve
this emotional standoff.

So--

Chester!

Oh, I have been looking
everywhere for you.

What are you doing here?

I'm so sick of him,
Richard Fitzpatrick.

I wish he was dead!

Okay, well, let's--

Join the club.

No, I really wish he was dead.
Do you know what I did today?

I went out
and bought a gun.

Oh, God, Chester.
Just--

That is a water pistol.

Filled with pee.

You haven't really
thought this through, have you?

No, ma'am.

Oh, Chester, look, I--
I wasn't sure

if I should tell you this
or not,

but now seeing you here
with a water pistol

full of your own urine--

No, it's not mine.

Chester, I need
to tell you something.

How bad could it be?

It's not like you two
hid a body together.

Ali Devon!

Mom wanted an organic funeral.

They are good
for the plant,

but how could you
do that with him?

Who else was I going to call,
Chester? You?

Yes.
No.

And that's the point.

Look, at the time,
I thought that I needed him,

but I see now
how wrong I was.

I chose you.

Then testify against him.

No. Look, it was--
It was my idea.

It was my mistake.

And if I confess to this,
he is out of our lives for good.

Chester,

I'm going to turn myself in.

Then I promise
I won't prosecute.

Thank you! Oh!

To the full extent
of the law.

Right.

Holy shit. They're here.

- Construction's starting already?
- No, Two Dogs Fucking.

It's the toxic waste guys
I called.

It's Two Dogs Copulating.
Whatever.

- Toxic waste, Richard?
- Yeah.

Those Cherokee fuckers
are trying to steal my dream,

and if I can't have it,
no one can.

Give me the key, Larry.

No, Richard, I will not unlock
these cuffs until you admit

your true feelings
to Josh.

Fine. You want to know
how I feel, Josh?

Yes.
I feel used.

- You?
- Yes, me.

All the years
I put up with you.

The cars you never fixed,
the pot you never buy enough of,

the tax-free cigarettes
you don't cut me in on.

- This is not helping.
- And what about you?

Insulting me, ignoring me,

stealing my pot,
lying to me.

Fine, there might have been
a few exaggerations,

a couple
of miscommunications.

But I have never,
ever fucking lied to you, man.

Not like that
Chief what's-his-nuts.

- Chief Dwayne.
- Yeah, fine, whatever.

Look, you and I are like--
Are like--

We're like nature.

We're like parasites.
You leech off my awesome

and I leech off your...

weed.

So we're connected.

Yeah.

Like brothers.

I wouldn't go that far.

Would you just
give him the thing?

Fine.

We're like brothers.

- Okay, truck, truck, truck.
- Go. Oh, go.

Yeah, yeah, we got to go.

We got to go! We got to go!

We got to go now, Larry!

- Larry, hurry up.
- Come on, Larry.

All right, go, go, go.

Those fuckers won't be able
to build on here for decades.

Oh, Richard.

What are you doing here?

Against every instinct I have to
sit back and watch you suffer,

I decided to give you
what you want.

I told Chester
that the body was my mother's

and that I acted alone.

I knew it.

You still want me.

Close.

The Cherokee's expropriation
order has been thrown out.

The land
is all yours again.

Oh, fuck me.

I need a drink.

You were right
about Mr. Fitz.

I don't know why
I can't just accept it.

He only cares
about himself.

Anyway, thank you.

You're welcome.

Larry, he is not help.

He's just so Larry.

Can you believe
that he thinks you're a witch?

- Oh?
- Yeah.

He's got this whole
crazy theory.

I think that he's just
intimidated by women.

- I felt that.
- Yeah.

And I don't see anything
wrong with your bangs.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hm.

Well, if compassion
is witchcraft,

then keep it coming, sister.

Duly noted.

Good night, then. Okay.

Boo.
Whoo!

Bye.

What?

LARRY, OVER ANSWERING MACHINE:
This is Larry.

I'm sorry
I missed your call.

So sorry.

Please leave a message
after the tone, please.

Sorry. Larry, it's Sonja.

Um, I really need
to get a hold of you

because you were right
about Dot.

She is a witch.

Darn it.

Larry, it's Sonja.

Uh, you really need
to pick up the phone.

Huh?