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1
00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:22,979
What do you think?
2
00:00:22,979 --> 00:00:25,068
More, uh--
3
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:27,766
Salesperson-y?
Less receptionist-ish?
4
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:31,292
You are a vision of propriety
and large margin virtue.
5
00:00:31,292 --> 00:00:33,772
I bet you sell
your first car today.
6
00:00:33,772 --> 00:00:36,645
You ain't selling jack shit
unless you know the nine steps.
7
00:00:36,645 --> 00:00:38,299
Aren't there 12 steps?
8
00:00:38,299 --> 00:00:40,214
If you're a drunken loser.
9
00:00:40,214 --> 00:00:42,520
Ah.
10
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:46,785
Step one: personality.
11
00:00:46,785 --> 00:00:48,352
- Notes.
- Right.
12
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,789
No one's going to cough up
eight large and change
13
00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:52,835
for the used cruise
with Mr. Boring.
14
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,446
And if you want personality,
15
00:00:55,446 --> 00:00:57,579
you might want to
rethink that suit, toots.
16
00:00:57,579 --> 00:01:00,408
Looking good, that's step two.
17
00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:04,020
You got to smell good,
step three.
18
00:01:04,020 --> 00:01:07,589
You got to stand up tall.
That's four, baby, four.
19
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:10,592
And you want to pay attention
to step five.
20
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:13,638
It doesn't matter
what the hell you're wearing.
21
00:01:13,638 --> 00:01:15,162
You're never going to make it
in this business
22
00:01:15,162 --> 00:01:17,468
unless you got it
going on up here.
23
00:01:17,468 --> 00:01:19,644
Botox. I'm not judging.
24
00:01:19,644 --> 00:01:23,648
Brains, moron. You think
any monkey can sell cars?
25
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:27,913
A good salesman's
got to be alert.
26
00:01:27,913 --> 00:01:30,916
You've got to have imagination, seven.
27
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:34,790
And he's got to have a keen
fucking sense of observation.
28
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:37,662
That's nine, baby, nine.
29
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:40,448
I'm sorry.
I think we're on eight.
30
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,580
That's right.
I was just testing you kids
31
00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:45,670
because nine is
a personal favourite of mine.
32
00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:48,456
A good salesman's got to
be able to make friends--
33
00:01:48,456 --> 00:01:50,153
- Hi.
- Hi.
34
00:01:50,153 --> 00:01:52,155
And get along.
35
00:01:52,155 --> 00:01:53,635
Fuck me, Fitz!
36
00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:56,594
Fuck yeah.
37
00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:57,856
Fucking love this car.
38
00:01:57,856 --> 00:02:01,121
Now, there's also a tenth step
39
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,558
not many people know about.
40
00:02:03,558 --> 00:02:05,603
It's kind of my secret weapon.
41
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:09,129
You will never be at the top of
your game unless you have...
42
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:11,435
the killer instinct.
43
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:14,308
Anyone, and I mean anyone,
44
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:16,832
gets in the way
of you being numero uno,
45
00:02:16,832 --> 00:02:20,531
you mow that fucker down
like a used piece of jet track.
46
00:02:20,531 --> 00:02:22,272
Piece of--
47
00:02:22,272 --> 00:02:23,882
Somebody call 911!
48
00:02:23,882 --> 00:02:25,623
Sir?
49
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:29,497
Hang on, Mr. F.! I'm coming!
50
00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:34,676
There's only room at the top
for one.
51
00:02:34,676 --> 00:02:37,113
Hang in there!
52
00:02:37,113 --> 00:02:39,681
That's what I'm talking about.
53
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,775
Oh.
54
00:02:51,867 --> 00:02:53,738
♪ Without you
55
00:02:53,738 --> 00:02:58,047
♪ I'd find my smile
56
00:02:58,047 --> 00:03:00,571
♪ Without you
57
00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:03,400
♪ I'd have won by a mile
58
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,663
♪ Without you
59
00:03:05,663 --> 00:03:09,493
♪ Oh, life could be
so grand ♪
60
00:03:09,493 --> 00:03:11,408
♪ Without you
61
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:15,369
♪ I'm half a man
62
00:03:15,369 --> 00:03:18,807
♪ Without you
63
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:28,643
♪ Without you
64
00:03:34,562 --> 00:03:36,564
Oh, sorry.
65
00:03:40,089 --> 00:03:43,223
Oh, good, you're alive.
66
00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,137
Take more than a heart attack
to kill Ken Fitz.
67
00:03:45,137 --> 00:03:46,748
It wasn't your heart.
68
00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:49,533
You had a panic attack because
you had to talk to a gay.
69
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:51,143
I had a heart attack!
70
00:03:51,143 --> 00:03:52,232
You need more O2, boss.
71
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,711
Get the fuck away from me.
72
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:56,279
And don't forget,
estate lawyer at 3:00.
73
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:59,239
Estate lawyer,
you've got it, sir.
74
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:01,415
In my day, faggots didn't
come out until after dark.
75
00:04:01,415 --> 00:04:03,678
Wait a minute. What?
Estate lawyer?
76
00:04:03,678 --> 00:04:04,896
How can I put the kid
in my estate
77
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,376
if I don't talk to
an estate lawyer, dummy.
78
00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:08,073
You're putting Larry
in your will?
79
00:04:08,073 --> 00:04:09,597
He saved my life.
80
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:10,772
You had a panic attack.
81
00:04:10,772 --> 00:04:12,513
He outsold you
two-to-one last week.
82
00:04:12,513 --> 00:04:14,906
He had me locked up in rehab!
83
00:04:14,906 --> 00:04:18,301
So? Drunks don't drive?
84
00:04:18,301 --> 00:04:20,956
You're actually being taken in
by this fucking lunatic.
85
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:24,786
That's no way to talk
about your brother.
86
00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:29,486
First, you're my conscience,
now, you're my brother?
87
00:04:29,486 --> 00:04:32,097
I'll go get some biscotti.
88
00:04:35,405 --> 00:04:38,452
Kid says he's got the same
mother as you and I believe him.
89
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:41,542
I think I would know
if I had a brother.
90
00:04:41,542 --> 00:04:44,675
Not necessarily. Your mother
never came clean about it,
91
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:48,636
but I know that's why she left,
the first time.
92
00:04:48,636 --> 00:04:50,464
All the signs were there:
93
00:04:50,464 --> 00:04:54,511
mood swings, hard-on for
Ben and Jerry's, huge tits.
94
00:04:54,511 --> 00:04:56,818
She got knocked up by a putz
named Dale in Parts.
95
00:04:56,818 --> 00:05:00,169
Yeah, but even if that was true,
he's not your kid.
96
00:05:00,169 --> 00:05:01,692
Why put him in your will?
97
00:05:01,692 --> 00:05:03,607
I need somebody here
I can trust.
98
00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:07,002
And you're looking at eight to
ten and that Babs Devin mess.
99
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:08,612
And that's if she doesn't die.
100
00:05:08,612 --> 00:05:10,571
You think I'm guilty.
101
00:05:10,571 --> 00:05:14,226
Nah, just a lying sack of shit
whose luck has run out.
102
00:05:14,226 --> 00:05:17,491
That dipshit is not my brother.
103
00:05:17,491 --> 00:05:19,101
- Prove it.
- Fine.
104
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,102
Fine.
105
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,626
Fine!
106
00:05:26,630 --> 00:05:31,374
It's beautiful.
Mother and child reunion.
107
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:33,507
It's like Constantinople, man.
108
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:36,379
The tarnished Madonna
and her only son.
109
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,034
My mother is the last person in
the world I want to see.
110
00:05:39,034 --> 00:05:41,993
For the road. This stuff
will make you go blind.
111
00:05:41,993 --> 00:05:45,649
Hey, you should CSI her ass,
you know? Get a DNA sample,
112
00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:49,479
fingernail clipping,
scrape her tongue, bone marrow.
113
00:05:49,479 --> 00:05:51,176
Yeah, I'll get right on that.
114
00:05:51,176 --> 00:05:56,051
Cool.
115
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:59,315
What do you think? Huh?
116
00:05:59,315 --> 00:06:01,883
I got a map and a first aid kit,
a flashlight, a travel light.
117
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:04,320
He gets to go?
118
00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,844
You think I'm going to leave him
here to sell more cars?
119
00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:09,543
Cool your jets.
I'll be right there.
120
00:06:09,543 --> 00:06:11,545
Yeah!
121
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:15,549
Not fair, man. And what do I
tell your old man?
122
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:17,768
I don't care.
Just make something up.
123
00:06:17,768 --> 00:06:20,423
And keep an eye on the place
while I'm gone, capisce?
124
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:24,514
We'll see who
the real fucking Fitz is.
125
00:06:27,430 --> 00:06:29,258
Careful.
126
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:40,443
Oh, hey, Allie. I just finished
fingering your mother.
127
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:42,314
Excuse me?
128
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:44,882
I needed your mother's
fingerprints
129
00:06:44,882 --> 00:06:47,232
to compare them to evidence
I found at the crime scene.
130
00:06:47,232 --> 00:06:52,020
Forensics badge.
Impressive, I know.
131
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:55,153
Don't you have some kind of
troop meeting to attend?
132
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:56,894
Or maybe some cookies to sell?
133
00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:58,548
I've gone rogue.
134
00:06:58,548 --> 00:07:02,160
They were uncomfortable with
my progressive leadership views.
135
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,162
Want to see my evidence?
136
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:07,470
Umm, I thought that
I was clear with you
137
00:07:07,470 --> 00:07:11,474
that the law will handle this.
138
00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,520
What evidence?
139
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,391
You said you needed to prove
140
00:07:15,391 --> 00:07:17,480
that Dick Fitz
was behind the wheel.
141
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,570
Here's the wheel.
142
00:07:20,570 --> 00:07:22,529
Please tell me that
you did not remove evidence
143
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:24,531
from a secure crime scene.
144
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:29,057
I checked. Your mother's
fingerprints are not on it.
145
00:07:29,057 --> 00:07:31,842
So, she wasn't driving the car?
146
00:07:31,842 --> 00:07:36,630
Well, we still have to prove
that Richard Fitzpatrick was.
147
00:07:36,630 --> 00:07:37,718
Do you want me to
go down to the dealership
148
00:07:37,718 --> 00:07:39,197
and get his fingerprints?
149
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:44,115
Let me make myself clear.
I am in no way suggesting
150
00:07:44,115 --> 00:07:48,424
that you go down
to Fitzpatrick Motors
151
00:07:48,424 --> 00:07:50,339
with your fingerprint kit
152
00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:51,471
and take some latents from
something in Richard's office.
153
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:52,950
I wouldn't dream of it.
154
00:07:52,950 --> 00:07:54,343
Because it is completely
beyond my purview to point out
155
00:07:54,343 --> 00:07:56,388
that it must be something
that only he would touch,
156
00:07:56,388 --> 00:07:58,347
like a cell phone,
personalized mug.
157
00:07:58,347 --> 00:07:59,783
Would his keyboard work?
158
00:07:59,783 --> 00:08:02,525
I would not condone that
in the slightest.
159
00:08:02,525 --> 00:08:06,573
Say no more.
160
00:08:10,838 --> 00:08:15,016
Oh, I'm so going to hell.
161
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:28,333
Will you turn that thing off?
162
00:08:28,333 --> 00:08:30,335
If you want me to drive,
I need the GPS.
163
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:32,512
It's in fucking Chinese!
164
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,687
No, it's Japanese.
165
00:08:33,687 --> 00:08:36,167
Some shit no one understands.
166
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:40,171
We speak a little.
Remember Suki from Nagoya?
167
00:08:40,171 --> 00:08:41,303
No.
168
00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:43,261
No?
169
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,828
Well, it was on sale
170
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,396
and we don't want to get lost
on the way to Mother's, so--
171
00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,833
She's not your mother.
172
00:08:49,833 --> 00:08:51,835
Richard, you know
that she's your mother.
173
00:08:51,835 --> 00:08:56,536
She's my mother too.
174
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,668
Oh, I should call Ken, make sure
he's loading up on B12.
175
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:01,279
He doesn't have
a heart condition, you moron.
176
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,543
He's doing this to get
disability insurance.
177
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,283
It's a scam,
178
00:09:05,283 --> 00:09:07,372
just like you telling him
that you're my brother.
179
00:09:07,372 --> 00:09:11,289
I never said I was your brother,
okay. I am your conscience.
180
00:09:11,289 --> 00:09:13,422
Will you stop saying that,
you crazy fuck?
181
00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:15,163
It's your destiny that I,
182
00:09:15,163 --> 00:09:18,514
the last good sliver of
your soul have become manifest
183
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:22,213
in order to save you from
the slow, horrid descent
184
00:09:22,213 --> 00:09:26,609
permanent moral decrepitude.
185
00:09:26,609 --> 00:09:28,524
Ah!
186
00:09:28,524 --> 00:09:30,134
What are you doing?
We didn't even signal.
187
00:09:30,134 --> 00:09:31,440
Shut up!
188
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:39,796
Get out, you lying, balding
sack of shit.
189
00:09:39,796 --> 00:09:41,232
But your license is suspended.
190
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,887
Oh! And you're on parole.
191
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:46,281
What if your rehab counsellor
finds out--
192
00:09:46,281 --> 00:09:47,587
Fuck him.
193
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:49,327
Richard, dealing with
your abandonment issues
194
00:09:49,327 --> 00:09:52,374
by forcibly abandoning others
is not going to solve this.
195
00:09:52,374 --> 00:09:55,420
Oh, geez. You broke the GPS!
196
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:59,599
You can't leave me here.
What would Mom say?
197
00:10:04,168 --> 00:10:08,520
Richard! I love you!
198
00:10:11,523 --> 00:10:13,787
Where the fuck is everybody?
199
00:10:13,787 --> 00:10:15,527
I got tin out there
growing roots
200
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,399
and no salesmen to sell it.
201
00:10:17,399 --> 00:10:18,879
I'm here. I can sell it.
202
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:22,665
You can't sell shit.
203
00:10:22,665 --> 00:10:25,320
Mr. Fitzpatrick,
when I took this job,
204
00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:29,367
you promised to give me
a real shot.
205
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:31,631
I can do more than just
answer phones, you know?
206
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,286
You're right. Clean the fridge.
207
00:10:35,286 --> 00:10:38,550
It fucking stinks like
a Persian cooze in there.
208
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:58,222
Oh! This shit's good.
209
00:11:09,277 --> 00:11:11,714
Whoa.
210
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,505
Ah!
211
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:34,345
Woo.
212
00:11:46,444 --> 00:11:48,359
Why, hello, stranger.
213
00:11:48,359 --> 00:11:51,928
It's me, Mom, your son.
214
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:56,324
Oh, we're playing the Mommy
game? I'll be your Mommy.
215
00:11:56,324 --> 00:12:01,329
And I'll be your son, Richard,
Richard Fitzpatrick.
216
00:12:01,329 --> 00:12:04,636
Oh, it's you.
217
00:12:04,636 --> 00:12:07,814
Well, don't get all teary.
218
00:12:07,814 --> 00:12:09,598
Your old man send you over
or what?
219
00:12:09,598 --> 00:12:13,210
No. I was just
in the neighbourhood.
220
00:12:13,210 --> 00:12:15,691
I got a guy who owes me
for a Jag,
221
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:18,215
real sucker too,
paid five over book.
222
00:12:18,215 --> 00:12:21,349
Plus, I thought maybe
we could catch up.
223
00:12:21,349 --> 00:12:25,614
Well, I have a little shindig
happening here.
224
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:29,226
Meeting of the classic car club,
you know.
225
00:12:29,226 --> 00:12:31,272
How long is it going to take?
226
00:12:31,272 --> 00:12:33,970
Well, that depends, Mom.
227
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:35,232
Don't call me that.
228
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:40,063
Fucking sausage rolls.
229
00:12:40,063 --> 00:12:42,500
Just stay right here, okay?
Stay right here.
230
00:12:51,727 --> 00:12:53,816
He was a pussy. Have you ever
tried to watch him skate?
231
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:56,340
He didn't have to skate.
He had that beautiful hair.
232
00:12:56,340 --> 00:12:59,996
Who needs to know how to skate
when you got hair like that?
233
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:03,304
Look, look, look! Slow down.
234
00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:11,138
Hey, son. Sittler or Salming?
235
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:15,229
Uhh, Palmateer?
236
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,578
Huh?
237
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:18,188
Good point.
238
00:13:18,188 --> 00:13:19,581
Well, hope on board.
239
00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:24,281
Oh, thanks.
240
00:13:32,202 --> 00:13:34,683
Hey, you are not supposed to
be in here.
241
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:37,164
Fitzy's going to be back
any second.
242
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,340
Please, he's probably at that
dumpy bar in the strip mall.
243
00:13:39,340 --> 00:13:41,298
Past noon, he'll be
out of commission
244
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,996
for the rest of the day.
245
00:13:42,996 --> 00:13:46,347
Actually, he's out
on assignment.
246
00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:50,264
Oh, even better.
247
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,483
I was a commando.
Don't make me use force.
248
00:13:52,483 --> 00:13:57,227
I survived my stepfather,
I can survive you.
249
00:13:57,227 --> 00:14:01,231
I got to protect Fitzy.
He's my guy, you know.
250
00:14:01,231 --> 00:14:03,233
A guy's got to do what
a guy's got to do to--
251
00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,757
protect his other--
252
00:14:05,757 --> 00:14:07,281
guy.
253
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:09,109
Well, good luck with that.
You can barely see straight.
254
00:14:09,109 --> 00:14:12,503
All right, you know,
that's allergies.
255
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:17,117
You got to go. You got to go.
256
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:20,772
Or it's chronic drug abuse,
which leads to
257
00:14:20,772 --> 00:14:25,777
momentary lapses in judgment,
inappropriate behaviour...
258
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:31,783
Transgressive actions.
259
00:14:31,783 --> 00:14:34,830
I like your badges.
260
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:37,050
I'm only 15.
261
00:14:45,449 --> 00:14:47,495
- Thank you.
- Hey!
262
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:49,627
I have all the evidence I need.
263
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:52,065
Now, you won't say squat,
264
00:14:52,065 --> 00:14:55,242
not unless the idea of
statutory rape turns you on.
265
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:57,461
So, this is how
it's going to go down:
266
00:14:57,461 --> 00:15:01,944
I say "Jump,"
you say "How high?"
267
00:15:01,944 --> 00:15:03,946
Smell it.
268
00:15:03,946 --> 00:15:04,947
Huh?
269
00:15:04,947 --> 00:15:08,342
Smell it!
270
00:15:16,959 --> 00:15:19,570
Maybe it was rambunctious
neighbourhood children.
271
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,224
Do not be fooled, Cousin.
272
00:15:21,224 --> 00:15:24,227
This atrocity can only be the
work of those Fitzpatrick dogs.
273
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,621
I believe you're right.
274
00:15:26,621 --> 00:15:28,449
I know how you can
get back at them.
275
00:15:28,449 --> 00:15:32,670
Oh, look, cousin, the Fitzes
have sent us their concubine.
276
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:36,326
I want you to hire me.
I now know
277
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:39,199
that the Fitzpatricks
will never let me sell a car.
278
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:41,331
All they ever let me do
is answer the phone.
279
00:15:41,331 --> 00:15:44,465
You want to answer our phone?
280
00:15:44,465 --> 00:15:47,250
I want you to make me
a salesman.
281
00:15:47,250 --> 00:15:51,602
Salesman? This is impossible.
You have no penis.
282
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:54,866
A salesperson.
283
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:57,217
This is more Fitzpatrick
trickery , huh?
284
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,479
This is just an attempt
on their part
285
00:15:58,479 --> 00:15:59,828
to plant a spy in our midst.
286
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:02,135
On the other hand,
Fitz and the gangly one
287
00:16:02,135 --> 00:16:05,399
are nowhere in sight
for hours at a time.
288
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:08,054
If we hire her,
they'll have no salesmen.
289
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:12,101
If they have no salesmen,
there will be no car sales.
290
00:16:12,101 --> 00:16:15,670
I'm not following your logic.
291
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:20,022
An oasis with no water
is simply desert.
292
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:22,372
Ah!
293
00:16:22,372 --> 00:16:25,375
Okay, we accept your offer.
You may work for us.
294
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:30,380
Yes! Umm, thank you.
You won't regret it.
295
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,078
As long as you stop this
dressing like a whore.
296
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:33,688
Yes, we would never
want to exploit
297
00:16:33,688 --> 00:16:38,127
your large
North American breasts.
298
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:40,260
Right. Up here.
299
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:43,393
Hmm?
300
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:47,310
Okay. Congratulations.
301
00:16:47,310 --> 00:16:51,010
Richard is not a bad person,
you guys.
302
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:55,188
He's a little confused,
uhh, and sex addicted.
303
00:16:55,188 --> 00:16:57,712
And with so many substance abuse
issues, it's hard to know
304
00:16:57,712 --> 00:17:02,064
when the shakes end and
the hangovers begin, you know?
305
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:07,069
A man can't heal his soul if
there is bad blood with his mom.
306
00:17:07,069 --> 00:17:09,463
Okay, now, if this backfires,
307
00:17:09,463 --> 00:17:13,902
Richard will not be able
to handle the rejection alone.
308
00:17:13,902 --> 00:17:17,471
You guys, he needs me.
309
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,560
A man's got nothing but
an enlarged prostate gland
310
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,215
without teammates
to watch his back.
311
00:17:22,215 --> 00:17:26,654
Damn the torpedoes.
We're coming for you, Richard.
312
00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:29,178
Right on!
313
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,143
So, how do you know Elaine?
314
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:40,885
We go way back.
315
00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:45,020
You into the lifestyle?
316
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:49,068
I'm the best,
a chip off the old block.
317
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,157
Oh!
318
00:17:51,157 --> 00:17:53,594
Patented secret, nine steps,
ten if you're in the know.
319
00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:55,161
As long as it's not 12.
320
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:58,468
You got that right.
321
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:00,557
Mine's the Honda Accord.
322
00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,081
Really? You looking to trade up?
323
00:18:02,081 --> 00:18:03,734
What did you have in mind?
324
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:06,824
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey. I'm just getting going.
325
00:18:06,824 --> 00:18:08,696
Mm-hmm. My sentiments exactly.
326
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,176
I just got here.
327
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,829
And now it's time
for you to leave.
328
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:14,702
No, no, no. We've got business
to discuss, family business.
329
00:18:14,702 --> 00:18:18,140
You want to talk business,
you call my office.
330
00:18:18,140 --> 00:18:20,403
A tip: your grandfather
had cirrhosis
331
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,536
and he didn't make it past 40.
332
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,059
How is that supposed to
be my prob--
333
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:25,974
Ow!
334
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:41,250
Oh, thank God, you're okay.
We're getting married.
335
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:44,819
Can we talk about the car?
336
00:18:44,819 --> 00:18:46,125
Excuse me.
337
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,258
Mr. Fitzpatrick,
I have something to say.
338
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,999
Fuck off.
339
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:55,743
Are you okay? Do I need to
call 911? Mr. Fitzpatrick?
340
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:03,142
Fuck me.
341
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:05,753
And fuck you, Mom.
342
00:19:10,061 --> 00:19:13,978
Hey, Richard. Oh, wonderful.
There you are.
343
00:19:13,978 --> 00:19:15,502
Did you patch things up
with Mother?
344
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,025
Go ask her yourself, Bro.
345
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,853
Hey, wait, where are you going?
346
00:19:18,853 --> 00:19:21,464
Home, to sell some cars.
347
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,336
You need to know your mother's
abandonment of you
348
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:24,772
was not your fault.
349
00:19:24,772 --> 00:19:26,034
Don't you tell me what I need.
350
00:19:26,034 --> 00:19:30,386
Richard, please.
Help me help you.
351
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:34,260
Get out of my life, motherfucker.
352
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:37,828
Look, you want me gone, right?
But you need to heal first.
353
00:19:37,828 --> 00:19:41,267
And she may not know it yet,
but Mama needs some healing too.
354
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,094
You can do it, Fitz!
355
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:52,147
We can do this.
356
00:19:54,367 --> 00:19:56,978
They're still out there,
like starfish.
357
00:19:56,978 --> 00:19:59,894
Mr. Fitzpatrick,
I have something to say.
358
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:01,765
You've got to
do something for me.
359
00:20:01,765 --> 00:20:06,117
No, I don't. I don't have to
do anything for you,
360
00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:08,946
and that's because
I don't work here anymore.
361
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:11,601
I don't have a problem
with the gays.
362
00:20:11,601 --> 00:20:13,690
I just can't sell to them.
They make me nervous.
363
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:16,084
Don't ask me why.
Don't ask, don't tell.
364
00:20:16,084 --> 00:20:17,477
That couple?
365
00:20:17,477 --> 00:20:20,131
Go on, close the deal.
366
00:20:20,131 --> 00:20:21,872
Me?
367
00:20:21,872 --> 00:20:25,136
Use the steps.
Sell the fucking car.
368
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,927
Okay, step one, personality.
369
00:20:32,927 --> 00:20:36,060
Step seven, imagination.
370
00:20:36,060 --> 00:20:39,977
And I'm not Persian,
so I've got step three.
371
00:20:39,977 --> 00:20:43,677
Hello. This is
a fine quality coupe,
372
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:47,028
perfect for all of
your vehicular needs.
373
00:20:47,028 --> 00:20:50,945
Yeah, we like it already.
Let's sign.
374
00:20:50,945 --> 00:20:53,904
Oh yeah!
375
00:21:05,873 --> 00:21:09,398
Meeting of the classic car club, huh?
376
00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:11,095
Yeah, one thing us Fitzes
always knew how to do
377
00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:14,664
was throw a party.
Ring-a-ding-ding, baby.
378
00:21:14,664 --> 00:21:16,275
Time to fit in.
379
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,537
It's cold.
380
00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:18,668
Don't touch me.
381
00:21:18,668 --> 00:21:21,715
Here you go.
382
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,326
Oh, Jack.
383
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:27,286
I am dying to wax
your gear stick.
384
00:21:39,341 --> 00:21:41,604
Richard, this makes me
very uncomfortable.
385
00:21:41,604 --> 00:21:43,867
Good evening.
386
00:21:43,867 --> 00:21:47,088
Richard, this is not the way
to deal with your issues.
387
00:21:47,088 --> 00:21:49,003
Use your words.
388
00:21:49,003 --> 00:21:52,528
Oh yeah.
389
00:21:57,533 --> 00:22:01,668
Stop, Richard.
That's your mother.
390
00:22:05,193 --> 00:22:07,064
Do we have a visitor?
391
00:22:10,851 --> 00:22:11,895
I told you to leave.
392
00:22:11,895 --> 00:22:14,289
Not without a little DNA action.
393
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:16,335
Me first.
394
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,988
Who are these guys?
395
00:22:17,988 --> 00:22:19,860
This will finally prove to Ken
that there's not another kid.
396
00:22:19,860 --> 00:22:22,558
What other kid?
397
00:22:22,558 --> 00:22:27,563
Yeah, there's a little confusion
on the maternity front.
398
00:22:27,563 --> 00:22:31,001
You see, somehow Ken got it
in his head
399
00:22:31,001 --> 00:22:34,875
that I am your lovechild
with Dale from Parts.
400
00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:37,007
Somehow.
401
00:22:37,007 --> 00:22:40,010
That's your son?
402
00:22:40,010 --> 00:22:42,186
How old are you?
403
00:22:42,186 --> 00:22:43,492
Get out.
404
00:22:43,492 --> 00:22:46,365
No, not until you tell Richard
you love him,
405
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,844
and the fact that you went on
406
00:22:47,844 --> 00:22:52,371
a decades-long wild sexual
rampage was not his fault.
407
00:22:55,939 --> 00:22:58,768
Love? He blew up my house
when he was seven.
408
00:22:58,768 --> 00:23:01,728
He pawned his Grandma's
cancer meds
409
00:23:01,728 --> 00:23:04,383
and then drove to Las Vegas
in my car,
410
00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:08,996
my car, the best thing
to ever come out
411
00:23:08,996 --> 00:23:11,999
of that hellish mistake
of a marriage.
412
00:23:11,999 --> 00:23:14,523
And no, I never had another kid.
413
00:23:14,523 --> 00:23:19,093
And frankly, I'm really sorry
I ever had you.
414
00:23:19,093 --> 00:23:23,793
You think I'm so bad, Mom?
Then why am I the top salesman
415
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:27,449
in the general metropolitan
area, huh? I'll tell you why.
416
00:23:27,449 --> 00:23:31,714
Because I'm the best.
I've got personality,
417
00:23:31,714 --> 00:23:36,632
I've got brains, I've got
imagination, I smell good,
418
00:23:36,632 --> 00:23:40,549
and people like me. Yeah.
419
00:23:40,549 --> 00:23:45,511
I wrote that shtick.
The nine steps. Classic.
420
00:23:45,511 --> 00:23:50,429
I don't care how much tin
you sling, baby.
421
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:53,954
You got the bad Fitz blood
in you,
422
00:23:53,954 --> 00:23:57,436
and people can't change.
423
00:24:00,569 --> 00:24:05,618
Oh yeah? Just watch us, lady.
424
00:24:05,618 --> 00:24:10,492
Richard, I believe it's time
to blow.
425
00:24:10,492 --> 00:24:15,497
As in, get out of here, blow.
426
00:24:15,497 --> 00:24:16,846
I got your fucking hair.
427
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:19,893
He's got your hair.
428
00:25:25,175 --> 00:25:28,527
Ah, Ms. Sonya, come inside.
429
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:31,660
Our toilets aren't cleaning
themselves, you know?
430
00:25:31,660 --> 00:25:36,665
You know what? I sold a car.
Ken Fitzpatrick believes in me.
431
00:25:36,665 --> 00:25:41,627
In his mean-spirited and
completely sexist way, he cares.
432
00:25:41,627 --> 00:25:46,675
Because you know why? There is
a step 11, perseverance.
433
00:25:50,636 --> 00:25:55,597
And steps 12 and 13:
434
00:25:55,597 --> 00:25:58,295
big North American breasts.
435
00:26:02,691 --> 00:26:07,653
I believe step 12
is bigger than step 13.
436
00:26:25,714 --> 00:26:29,675
Richard, wait!
Mom was wearing a wig!
437
00:26:29,675 --> 00:26:34,680
The DNA sample proves nothing!
438
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:36,725
I love you!
31965
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