Original subtitles

- Nothing's right since Steve left.

- Who wrote these?

Did Cal write the last three rungs?

He just filed an application

for tax-exempt status with the IRS.

If that goes through, he'll be hard to stop.

- I'll contact our friends over at Internal Revenue.

You're a sharp guy.

It's a shame you let the Bureau

keep you in the basement for so long.

- Yes, it is.

- Our tax-exempt status was denied.

The money situation is critical.

Fix it with the IRS.

Get our exemption.

Get me the money to do what I need to do

to live with everything that you've done.

- Lisa, I wanted to talk to you about the exemption.

Meyerism helped you at a very difficult time in your life.

Now the movement needs something from you.

- I can't see you anymore, Dad.

- You can't see me anymore?

- Eddie, what are you doing here?

- I will fucking murder you

before I let you take him from me.

- Eddie, what are you doing?

- They are following me. - Who is following you?

The Meyerists, the Meyerists.

Now leave me the fuck alone.

- Eddie! Stop!

It was late, 1:00 a.m, 2:00 a.m.

I don't remember.

Ugh, I was in so much pain.

The divorce.

I was so angry.

Like, I couldn't breathe,

and just out of my mind.

And I was taking these pills that my doctor prescribed,

but I shouldn't have been,

not with the amount I was drinking.

Tell me what happened, Lisa.

I didn't mean to.

Oh, my God.

What have I done?

It's not easy to hear.

She's in such pain.

- She was, but thanks to the process of unburdening,

we were able to assess her damage

and create a map

for her spiritual development and healing.

When Lisa came to us, she was paralyzed by guilt.

We gave her her life back.

She wouldn't be working at the IRS or anywhere else

if it weren't for us.

- But what if we're wrong

about our exemption application being her call?

- She's still closer to whosever call it is than we are.

I mean, all I'm suggesting

is that we remind her what The Movement did for her

and what it could do for others.

- You were against the religious status.

- We don't have any money, Cal.

I told the people of Clarksville that I would test their water,

and now I need the funds to do it.

I need this.

It's my Offset.

It has become my hope that this will set me free,

because I'm haunted, Cal.

So, please, set the meeting.

- Okay.

- Hey.

Hey, slow down.

It's okay, you're in a hospital.

You're safe.

I'm Dr. Hollins.

You can call me Sally.

Can you tell me your name?

Eddie.

Eddie Lane.

- Do you know why you're here?

- I flipped out at the hotel.

I hit someone.

Look, I'm... I'm sorry.

- No, no need to be sorry here.

Do you know why you flipped out?

- Look, I just had a rough day with my, um...

my son.

And then there was this guy.

He was following me.

And then I guess I drank too much.

Look. Can you take these off?

- Oh, of course, of course.

A guy was following you?

- Um...

no.

No, no, I mean, it just seemed like he was.

Look, I've just been...

under a lot of stress lately.

- The person who brought you in...

- Uh, Chloe.

- Said you spent the last two decades in a cult.

- It wasn't really a...

Just the Meyerist Movement.

It's more of a...

- I understand reintegration into mainstream society is hard.

Perhaps we can help you with that.

Are you on any psychiatric medications?

- No.

- Any history of mental illness in your family?

- No.

- Your brother?

My brother, um...

Look, he was...

He was depressed.

And he committed...

Look, he took his own life.

But that was a long time ago.

- Did the Meyerist Movement do that to you?

Mr. Lane?

I was so afraid.

He just appeared out of nowhere.

I didn't know what he was gonna do.

- Cal Roberts?

Did he explicitly threaten you?

- But now he's asked me

to come to the compound to meet with them.

- Them?

- I don't know.

That's what he said, to come to the compound

to sit down with "them."

He didn't say who "them" was, exactly.

I'm terrified.

They helped me at a very hard time in my life,

so I've always worn the Eye,

supported The Movement.

Once in a while, I take a workshop.

But I don't want anything to do with them anymore.

- I understand, Ms. Jackson.

Give me a minute.

They're gonna try to threaten a federal official.

- Well, Cal Roberts is freaking out

from the financial pressure.

- If we can get it on tape...

- That's risky. - She hasn't been vetted.

- Spoke with U.S.A. Penetti this morning.

He wants this guy shut down.

Part of his mandate to end organized crime.

- Well, they're not exactly the mafia.

- Gangsters on Yoga mats.

Listen.

I'm concerned that Cal is gonna run circles around this woman.

- How you feeling, Agent Gaines?

- I'm solid.

- We've been investigating the Meyerist Movement.

Regardless of how they may have helped you in the past,

you understand they're threatening you

to get what they want,

and that's illegal,

and a god-awful way to treat someone

that's come to you for help.

And it's probably not just you.

What I'd like you to do, Lisa, is to go in that meeting.

We'll be listening.

This may not look like much, but...

it's a modern listening device.

You could be a great asset to us.

But I want to be crystal clear; this is voluntary.

If you want to help us,

I need you to say out loud that you're willing to do so.

- I'll help you.

- He wouldn't forget.

- I don't know where he is, hon.

He's not picking up his phone.

You know, maybe something came up.

- I want to wait.

- I don't know, honey.

Hello?

- Is this Eddie Lane's phone?

You must be Sarah.

Sleepwalkers.

Steve used to call them pawns on a Monopoly board.

Pass Go, buy, pay, buy, pay.

Once in a while, you'd land in jail.

Powerless and afraid.

That's the human experience, right?

And... and sometimes wildly happy too.

Life can be fun, a party.

But it's the same loop, over and over,

and endless loop to the grave,

because that's what it is out there in the I.S. world.

We are taught to be helpless and powerless.

Helpless and powerless.

With little pockets of fun so we don't do ourselves in.

But you, all of you in this room,

have chosen something different.

You have chosen not to be among the sleepwalkers.

- Right.

- You're here because you want to say,

"This is my life."

You want to be awake.

You don't want the fog.

You want to roll the dice.

And if you roll threes, you want to move 12, right?

Yeah, you want control and clarity.

You want to be the master of your fate.

And you can do it,

because you have that much power inside of you.

You have The Light to use,

to focus, to shape the world around you.

With it, anything is possible.

And here's the best part.

You already know how to do it.

Mary.

What color is the wall?

- White.

- What color do you want it to be?

You can make it any color you want.

It's your wall, Mary.

The wall is right here, Mary, not over there.

If you don't focus on what you want,

you can't get it,

because there is nothing in this world

that you cannot change

if you bring your full force of will against it.

- Red. - Red.

- So make it so.

Change it.

Turn the wall red, Mary.

Just turn it red.

- It's red.

- Hmm?

Hmm?

- It's green.

- Green, that's great.

That's great.

Hawk made it green.

What about you, Noa?

- Yellow.

- Yellow, I love it!

Your wall, your life.

- As blue as the sky.

As blue as the sky.

- Whoo!

- Hey, what's up, Sean?

Come on, don't miss out.

What color, Sean?

Come on, Sean.

- Take control of your life.

- You can do it. - You got this.

- You got this. - You can do it, Sean.

- You can do it, man. - You got this.

You can do it, Sean.

- Red.

It's red.

- Where you going?

- It's New York.

Something's out there.

You headed home?

Gonna spend the rest of your night

reading The Ladder in your room?

- No.

- Be easy, Hawk.

- Can I come with you?

- Taking control of your life, huh?

- Trying.

- That smell.

You can't understand how wonderful it is.

- I do.

It's summer to me.

Has been my whole life.

- But you can't appreciate it

until you've been away like I have.

Someplace so cold and forbidding,

so utterly devoid of life,

you can't know how precious it is,

how vulnerable.

Rabbits.

Shame.

- If we're gonna discuss Cal,

should we go somewhere more private?

- I don't think we're the ones who should be hiding.

- Cal could have written the rungs,

but I struggle to believe he's capable of harming Steve.

The man was a father to him.

- We could live a thousand lives

and still never find bottom in the sea of human cruelty.

- You make pronouncements like that.

You always have.

But there's a human side to this

which you haven't been around to see.

Accusations like this could ruin The Movement.

- The Movement was never my thing.

That's why I cut out.

But I owe my life to Steve and his work,

and I will find who hurt him.

- I'm aware of that.

But Steve cared about The Movement above anything,

so we need to tread carefully.

We need proof before we do a thing.

- Eddie.

Hi.

I'm Chloe.

All right.

I'm gonna go get a coffee.

You want anything?

I'll be right back.

- Eddie, what happened to your face?

- What, you didn't get the report?

- What report?

- From the person you sent to intimidate me.

- What?

- Some guy followed me after I came to the center.

Oh.

I freaked out.

- I don't know anything about anyone following you.

- Sure you do.

It's what you guys do over there, isn't it?

I mean, I did it.

- I promise you, I did not have anyone follow you, Eddie.

How long are they keeping you here?

- Till they think I'm fit to leave, I guess.

- What are they doing for you?

- Just tests, meds, I don't know yet.

- They don't know what's wrong with you.

- Sarah. - They don't know your Damage.

They don't know how to help you.

- Hey.

- She doesn't know how to help you.

- Come back.

- Sarah...

- Come back home.

Please.

- Hey.

Hey.

- It's a great workshop.

- Oh, thanks.

Yeah.

I remember when Steve revealed it.

- Mm-hmm?

- My dad had just run a number on me.

We had a complicated relationship.

- Yeah.

- Anyway, I was feeling so low,

and Steve, he took me into this little room,

and he showed me how to paint flowers

on my walls of doom.

- I wish I learned how to do that when I was a kid.

- You're doing it now.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Listen, I got to go catch a bus.

- Yeah, yeah, have a great evening, huh?

- You too. - All right.

Oh, hey, hey.

Let me get that.

- You the new owner?

- Cal Roberts.

- True you're expanding your homeless shelter here?

- Yeah, partially.

That, along with some other ways

we plan to serve the borough and the community.

- Right on.

When can I move in?

'Cause I'm homeless now.

Oh, I'm not the right kind of homeless.

- No, you're always welcome.

- Yeah, right, welcome while I'm being thrown out of my home,

place I've lived at for the last ten years.

You and the rest of your purple sneaker freaks

can go fuck yourselves.

- Jesus.

- I know it looks like a lot,

but the meds are going to help ease the panic attacks,

dysphoria, anxiety,

fear you've been feeling from the PTSD.

- PTSD?

- Cults work to control your mind,

and your mind has been controlled for a long time.

- Right, right, right.

- I spoke with a colleague

who gave me information about a support group.

It's for people who have been victims of mind control.

It might really help to start talking to people

who have been through similar situations.

You're free now, Mr. Lane.

And you can have a wonderful, productive life.

- Right.

- This is amazing.

This is like a practically private concert.

- It is a private concert.

- How did you know about this?

- I know things.

- My friend, she... - She would have freaked out.

She loved Andrew Bird.

- Your ex-girlfriend?

- Yeah.

- Why did you break up if she's so awesome?

- Didn't say she was awesome.

- Yeah, you did.

- We just saw the world differently.

I need to be with someone who wants what I want.

- And what is it you want?

- Green walls, I don't know.

I'm still figuring it out.

- But you still miss her so much.

- Uh, you can't do this.

You're just a boy.

- I'm not a boy.

- I'm at least five years older than you.

- So?

- So hi, boy.

- Fuck you, I'm not a boy.

- See you later, boy.

- Where are you going? - Shh! Come on, shut up.

Breakfast starts at 6:00.

We have morning gathering,

but there's no pressure to attend.

Did you have Eddie followed?

- Um... - Why?

- Why would you do that? - Sarah, Sarah.

He showed up here ranting and raving.

He threatened to kill me.

I don't know, he seemed out of control.

And, frankly, I was worried about you.

- I can worry about myself. - Yeah?

I suppose this means you still see him.

- He's in the hospital.

He was in, I don't know, a fight.

He's under psychiatric evaluation.

- Oh, Sarah, that's terrible.

I'm so sorry.

- It was awful to see him that way.

What happened?

- Oh, no.

One of the tenants...

You know, I had to kick everyone out of the building

who lived here before we bought it.

Someone threw a bottle at me.

You can't win.

Someone always suffers.

- It'll heal.

- Don't do it.

Lisa Jackson?

It's not the way to get the money for Clarksville.

We'll find another way.

- How? - I don't know.

But what you're suggesting

goes against everything we believe in.

- Oh, spare me the sanctimony, Cal.

What you've done goes way beyond...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And once you start down that road,

you can't get back.

- I'm already down that road!

I was down it the moment we buried Silas' body

back in the ground.

- But this isn't who you are.

- No, you don't get to tell me who I am.

I am Co-Guardian of The Light.

And I get it now,

the sacrifices that need to be made.

The book needs to change.

It was written a long time ago for a small group of Devoted.

Do not have Eddie followed again.

Leave him alone.

- All right, Eddie, this one,

you're supposed to take with food.

Eddie?

Hello, Earth to Eddie.

- Yeah, with food, right.

- Where'd you go?

- I'm just tired, Chloe.

- Yeah, of course.

Why don't you let me make you some soup or something?

- I'm fine.

Why don't you just go on home,

and I will call you tomorrow.

- Okay. - All right.

Why don't you...

Why don't you just take the one for sleep, okay?

The Ambien. Please.

- Honestly, I don't want to take any of them.

- Why?

Because the Meyerists and Sarah don't think that you should?

- No, it's just, I've lived all these years

without needing them,

and I don't think I need them now.

- Eddie...

I care about you, okay?

- I know you do, and I appreciate that, okay?

You've put a great life together,

and I don't want to screw that up.

- No, no, no, no, you're not... - You're not screwing anything up.

- Look, just because you couldn't save Johnny

doesn't mean that you can...

- Wait. What?

What are you saying?

- I'm saying that maybe you feel guilty

that you couldn't save my brother,

so now you feel like you have to try and save me.

- No, Eddie, no.

That is not true.

Oh, God.

- Yeah, you're right.

You're right, I couldn't save Johnny.

I was a teenager, and he was depressed.

But Johnny never had a shot,

because he wasn't brave enough to get help.

But you are.

You are brave enough to leave the Meyerists,

and you're brave enough to try to live in the real world.

Eddie.

I've been in therapy for ten years, okay?

I know I'm not gonna save anybody.

But I can see it in your eyes.

You want to save yourself.

You do.

You want to save yourself,

or you wouldn't even be here right now.

- Welcome, Ms. Jackson.

You can just park right up here.

Someone will take you to your meeting.

- Kodiak.

- I was hoping we'd cross paths this morning.

- Great, good.

- Can I show you something?

- Yeah.

- Rabbits.

- Huh.

He seems like a... Like a sweet little guy.

- Who's been eating my strawberries.

- Oh, yeah?

- I can see it on you,

the weight of leadership.

It's heavy, isn't it?

- Yeah.

Yeah, it is.

But it's not a burden.

It's a blessing,

to have been entrusted.

- None of us is beyond unburdening.

- Yeah, that's right.

That's what we teach.

See you at dinner.

- Shadows grow long.

The night is only beginning.

- Nice shirt.

- Yeah, I got you one too.

- Not my color.

- Yeah, it's probably not your size either.

- Why you got to be like that? - Man, you know what?

Just give me the status, all right?

- I thought it might be more productive, just the two of us.

- Who the hell is that?

- That's Sarah Lane.

- Hmm, so it's not just Cal Roberts.

It reaches further.

The whole organization's corrupt.

- Please, take a seat.

- I thought Cal...

- Cal's occupied.

Thank you for making the trip.

I know how busy you must be.

You can relax.

I promise you.

I just wanted to personally reach out and thank you

for all of your help with the application

for tax-exempt status.

I don't think we would have ever been able

to navigate the bureaucracy without your help.

So, from my heart, thank you.

- She's good. - Shut it.

It was nothing, really.

I'm just so sorry I couldn't make it happen.

You guys helped me so much.

- I know.

I remember when you first came to us,

all the damage that you brought with you,

all the suffering you felt...

and that you caused others.

We tried to help you to rid yourself of it

so you could be free.

- All right, this is it.

- We're recording.

- There's so many like you that come to us,

frozen by their actions.

And that is why the exemption

is so very important to us, Lisa.

You understand?

We want to be able to help others like we helped you,

because what you did will never, ever go away.

- No.

- Come on, come on.

What's going on?

- What, is it working? - Yeah.

Thank you for coming in, Lisa.

- What was that?

- Device is no longer transmitting.

- Well, what happened?

Where's the ask?

- She didn't ask for anything,

offer anything in return,

or present a threat to her reputation or well-being.

- So we have nothing.

- What do you want? - I was just... I want...

- You ever come back here again, I'm gonna call the cops, okay?

You can tell that to Cal and everyone else.

- No, no, no one sent me.

I tracked you down because I know the story of how you left,

and I'm having a hard time, and...

I have no one else to talk to!

It's hard to leave.

Is that why you're here?

Thinking about leaving?

- I loved it when I came.

I was...

You know my sister?

- Yeah, I know.

- My parents, they were...

It was like death in my house all the time.

I didn't want to be dead.

- Yeah.

- The Light, it was so alive and so hopeful.

- It is. - It is?

Then why did you leave?

Did it stop feeling that way?

- I just didn't like who we were anymore.

- I got married.

- Ah, to Mary?

- Mm-hmm, we're having a baby.

- Oh, wow.

- Or we were having a baby.

It's just, she told me that the baby might not be mine.

And I'm freaking out, and I'm confused,

and I'm sad and mad.

Because, you know, The Light used to work for me,

and now it doesn't.

The other day, we were doing this workshop,

"Wakeful Life," it's the one where everyone

is trying to change the color of this white wall.

- Yeah, I know. - I know.

- I couldn't change the wall.

It was a white wall. That's all it was.

- Look. - The wall doesn't matter.

You love Mary.

That's what matters.

That's what you have to ask yourself.

- Yeah, I love her.

All of her.

- You know, if there was a way

I could have stayed in The Movement

and still had my family,

I would have.

If there was a way

we all could have just

walked out together,

I would have,

because my family is what mattered.

But I can't have that.

Maybe you can.

Maybe you can have what matters.

Look. Fuck the wall.

Okay?

It's all about your lives together.

All right?

Hey, no one can change the color of a white wall.

- Hey. - Hey.

- You ditched me.

- You found your way home.

- Okay.

- I just...

I didn't want things to get weird.

- So you left me at a club.

- Listening to great music,

remembering the love of your life.

I'm in a bad mood.

Everyone's about to find out who they think I am.

- How?

- My mother just did her thing that she does,

her golden handcuffs,

just in case I thought I could escape and be my own person.

Nope, she makes it known

that I am hers and always will be.

- I don't get it. - Yeah, you do.

You can't change who your parents are.

Like, you're Sarah Lane's son, the Guardian of The Movement.

And no matter what you do in life,

to some people, that's all you'll ever be.

And to others, you will never be able to fill those shoes.

- We'll see.

- I'm sorry I ditched you.

- Sean?

I thought you weren't...

I was nervous you were leaving me after the wall thing.

And I know you're mad, and you should be mad.

You should hate me, but I was scared...

- I am mad,

and I'm sad and confused and frustrated,

but I don't hate you.

I want to, but I don't.

You're my wife,

and I am with you if you're with me...

Only me.

- I'm sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

But I'm so glad you came back,

and that you want us and him to be ours.

- He's ours.

Yours and mine.

No one else's.

- Hey.

I saw Lisa leave.

- She did.

- Did you... - No.

That is a tremendous relief.

I have some good news.

Next time we go to San Diego,

we need to stop by Los Angeles,

because there is a very, very important donor

we need to talk to.

Apparently, Noa,

you know, the one who threw the rock with Hawk,

her mother's some sort of music mogul.

- That's great. - It is!

And it just goes to show

that if we remain strong,

if we remain honest and open...

then The Light provides.

- The Light provides.

I gave Lisa Jackson her tape back.

- Okay. - Why?

- Because she's remained loyal to us.

- Loyal?

- She gave me this,

just in time.

Tell me what happened, Lisa.

I-I-I didn't mean to.

Oh, my God!

What have I done?

What happened, Lisa?

Say the words.

Release them from your body,

and you shall begin to be free of their weight.

I hit him!

He came out of nowhere on his scooter, and I...

I hit him.

I saw him when he hit the windshield.

I s-saw into his eyes.

He was so young!

I knew I should stop.

I-I knew I should call the police,

but he was... he was just one of those street kids,

you know, like, druggie kids.

And I-I had my own kids, and I...

I didn't want them to lose a mother!

- There's someone among us?

Working for them?

That place, those people...

that was my whole life,

my whole world.

But I couldn't stay.

I couldn't keep living with that fear.

I was so scared every minute, every day.

Then, finally, I say, "I want to leave."

And the leader... We called him Father.

Father says to me, "You can't leave,

"because even if you do,

I'll come to you in your dreams."

And he did.

He came to me in my dreams every night for months.

And I still dream about him.

And I have to remind myself, that's just my mind.

He's not really there.

No one has the power to enter someone's dream, right?

- No one has the power to enter your dream.

Thank you for sharing that, Chelsea.

- Thank you. - Thank you for your share.

- Good sharing. - Come on in, man.

Have a seat, introduce yourself if you'd like.

- Um, thanks.

Um...

My name is Eddie, and...

I was in a cult.