Original subtitles

Haunted Cop Shop, The

If this monk wants a donation from Chief Shun

he's in for a real disappointment

Chief Shun will say this in his usual Japanese styled monologue

I'm really sorry but I really have no money for you

Sorry, sir!

I'm really sorry, sir

Arert you 3927?

Amida Buddha

6424, I'm no longer the old 3927

I'm a monk now My sacerdotal name is Wai Chin

What? This is really too unexpected

A gallant policeman like you would actually seek life in a monastry

As your old colleague I feel a sense of loss

It's because I've been so remorseless after all those years

that I wanted to repent and turn to monkhood

Such tragic ending to a beautiful police story

So what brings you here today?

To test if I have levitated from the earthly nature

That is really too deep for me to understand

What has your levitation test got to do with wisiting me?

You would have never guessed

Before I became a monk you were the one that I hated the most

But today I have come to your salvation

That shouId prove if I've reached levitation

You're out of your mind

As a Chief of Police with

such efficient staff under me, would I even need your help?

Regardless, I have only two things to warn you

I hope you will be well prepared

First, after midnight on the 7th day from today,

you must not let any woman in pink enter the premises

Otherwise this headquarters shall receive demonic harrassment

That is absolutely ridiculous! It's stupid You

Secondly you must refrain yourself from coarse language

Or else blood shall descend upon you It's up to you to believe it or not

You You're too

What? Macky Kim

Yes, sir!

A hit by a mere tennis ball can cause a bleeding?

Could what he said be true? So demonical

What's happening seven days from now?

What happening?

It's the Yu Lan Festival!

The Yu Lan Festival? (The Hungre Gnosts Festival)

Who do you think you are? You cheat

Did you hear what he said?

I couIdrt hear a thing

They look vicious

Hey buddy! You're standing in my way

I'll give you 5 seconds to move your car elsewhere

5 seconds? 54,32,1

5 seconds have passed So what's going to happen?

Need me to avenge for you Chiu?

No! Just hold onto my gun

Just in case I lose control

Not good They're cops

Sorry, officer I didrt mean it Not a problem! I wort abuse my authority

This is merely a civil case

Unless it's necessary, my friend wort open fire

Say no more You just want a fight don't you?

And you, you too Come on altogether now

Bravo! I've never seen such a heroic cop in a long time

Oh yeah! Usually cops wouId assume they're great

just because they carry guns around them

But not this one! He's a real man!

Definitely a real man indeed!

Come on, hit me I wort be jobbing you Remember what you said, officer!

They're for real What'll we do?

Look! The moods of your audience are riding high

You're their idol now Just hang in there!

You're amazing officer There's a real winner in you

Right on! I feel a little dizzy

Let's call it quits 1,23 We've lost!

You've won this match Fair and square!

Let's do it again some other day

Thank you officer! Much obliged

Let's go! You were great out there, buddy!

You're the first real manly cop I've ever seen

I'm flattered This is called keeping a good relationship between the police and the public

See? Although this officer has lost the fight,

he'll have to let go of that parking space and give it back to them

I agree

You're a clever one, good friend We'll give it back to them

Bye bye! Bye bye!

We don't need to stoop that low, do we?

We may have lost the battle but we've earned a round of applause

Come on Smile! We have to keep up our image

I'm going in for a little shopping Just smile presentably

Boss!

What would you like to buy, officer?

Just the usual paper products and whatever needed to be

burnt on the Yu Lan Festival Hurry, please

What's happening?

Sneaky Ming have you caught him yet?

We're still on the streets We'll be back before dark Over!

Chung, it's not even the Mid Autumn Festival yet Why hang the lantern so soon?

What do you kids know? This is the victory lantern

It's an old tradition to have it hung on the doorway

so the wandering spirits shall not make a mess in the premises

That's ridiculous!

This is a police station Not a mortuary

How wouId these ghosts come in so easily?

Exactly

But this district is off limits from the city

What would happen if one of them got lost and wandered in?

That'd be bad for all of us, right?

You've got a point Then, you better tie it tight

Tie it tight

Going anywhere after work, Millie? Wanna go watch a movie?

I'll think about it

The usual! What do you think?

I guess that's a no

Okay!

Hi, Millie!

What are you guys trying to do? Nothing

Pay up I told you she wouldrt wearing a bra

How can your guesses be so accurate all the time?

It's simple! Are you wearing any socks today?

No

Why not?

It's been raining for days They're not dried yet

Well, there you go!

If your socks arert dried, how can her bra be dry?

That's pretty logical, beady eyes!

Why are you screaming when I havert even hit you yet?

I'm just giving the immediate reaction beforehand officer

I learnt this from my woman

She said giving a reaction is most important

The louder she screams the happier her clients get

Once you're happy with my reaction you officers naturally won't be hitting me

I'm not like those youngsters They pretend to be

Rambo even when they've been beaten to a near death state

It's just so unprofessional

Dort I have a point, officers?

Hello, officers! How are you?

What now?

We've found nothing

Take off those undershorts! Take them off!

Please, officer! Let me off the hook!

I really didrt steal any diamond crucifix

I was in church because I heard the Lord's call

He says he's come to my salvation

Still trying to con us with your stupid stories?

Now, I'm not coming to your salvation so I'll knock you out of your senses instead

Please don't do this to me officer!

This is not the first time you know me

Getting admissable evidence from me is like listening to fairy tales

The degree of believability is low but

it's entertaining just as long as we're having fun

It's a lot better than arguing all night long

My partner hasn't cracked a case in the last 6 months

Tonight we have the chance to meet again

For old times sake help us as a friend Just admit the crime

I'll help you appeal to the judge for leniency

It's not that I don't want to help but I've got

2 theft convictions If I get convicted again, I'll go to jail

You guys just want to crack a case, right?

See that waste bin in front of this station?

I'm the one who kicked and broke it

Charge me for vandalism Isrt that friendly enough for you?

After all my begging you still try to deny?

Ghost!

It's Millie!

It's frightening Let's go check it out!

Where are you guys going?

What about me?

Check the library

It cart be that haunted can it?

Who is it?

You look so overdressed Are you going to a Halloween party?

I dort have a choice I was forced to strip

Hey! What are you looking for? Looking for the light switch?

Obviously, the switch is on the wall Why bother checking the floor?

Have you seen my head?

Your head? You mean the socket head, right?

My head is missing

Ghosts!

Give my head back to me

Give it back

I wort Die!

Give it back

I've finally got the cruciflx back!

Well done Chiu!

Oh! I'm so scared!

We've really nailed you this time

What? Try to scare me back?

Take him down to the cell first

Sneaky Ming! What are you in for? Did you rob a 711 this time?

This has gone too far!

As police officers you dress up like this in the line of duty!

We were just trying to scare Sneaky Ming

That's right I found the crucifix

You fools! Using such ways to clear a case is absolutely ridiculous

Sir!

Quit explaining What's the point of becoming police officers when

you're going to use the police headquarters like it's a movie set?

You might as well turn yourselves into actors

A refined and valorous Chief of Police

as myself leading a bunch of jerks like you It's pitiful!

Now, get to work and bring those

paper boy and girl servants out to the courtyard

and burn them exactly on midnight

And also don't let any women dressed in pink enter the station

Yes, sir!

Oh no my masterpiece!

Why do we need to burn so many things on the Yu Lan Festival?

You wouldrt know since you're new around here

Then, tell me about it

Did you know what this station used to be?

Take a guess

A funeral home?

Uncle Chung from the canteen told me that this place was once a clubhouse

for the Japanese army When they lost the war,

a group of Japanese people committed seppeku together

So the dolls were burnt to keep them at peace

A clubhouse? This place doesn't look like one

It's true What we're standing on right now used to be a nightclub

The lounge was underneath and the cannon room was above us

Cannon room? Kowloon Tong! Where people make out!

Well, you know! The place where we'd visit often

Badmouthing me again!

Is there a reason why we have to burn these exactly at midnight?

It's when the gates of hell open

Does this count as a woman in pink?!

Could this be a fantasy come true?

Excellent!

You're so sexy Let's make love!

Welcome to the clubhouse

This is a clubhouse?

Yes Please enter

But I'm in jail How can I Jailbirds need to relax too

Good point

Please

Hey! What's the name of this clubhouse?

I dort even know where he learns this It's impeccable!

Cart you tell Mrs Chen?

Dort you dare get any ideas on my best friend!

What are you looking at? Even men? Dort you dare!

Of course I won't!

Cart leave him alone for a second!

What would you like to drink?

Anything will do

This place may be a bit old fashioned

But having such a facility at a police station

is good enough for us jailbirds

Sir have you arranged to play a few rounds of mahjong?

Mahjong? Mahjong

Take this gentleman to the mahjong room This way please

Mahjong Excellent!

Hi! I'm new around here My name's Sneaky Ming

I dort know your rules How big is your bet?

We're high rollers We bet our entire fortune

Wow! That's a big wager Are we betting on our lives here?

If you want to bet on your life we can accept that

If my life is won'thy enough, I guess I'm willing to bet on it

How can this be? Look at this

Big four winds calling Fat Choi to win?

No need to show off like that four eyes

Calling out the Fat Choi? Dort assume we'll discard it out for you

The game has just started I can draw it out myself

What a coincidence I've just drawn one I'll keep this

If you're on such a roll, try and draw it all out

Cart win them all Including this I've only got a pair

Dort even think I'll discard any for you

Well then, I'll discard it for you to triplet

Good draw! What? Why do we have 5 Fat Choi tiles?

You've got one He's got one My little brother's got one

There's one on the table Where is a 5th one?

But you said you've got a pair of Fat Choi

You're a fool for believing what people tell you

Stop playing mahjong and switch to religion instead

Hey old man! Don't be such a smart ass

Draw your tile, four eyes

Change tiles? We'll follow him and discard the Fat Choi

East!

Kong (4 of a kind) Kong on Kong

Kong on West

What luck! Kong on North as well Scared yet?

There are 2 Red Dragons on the table I dort see any 3 Circles

I'll discard the Red Dragon and call the 3 Circles

Red Dragon

Dort change your mind twice It's not allowed

Yeah

No one's going to discard 3 Circles for you

Are you guys really planning not to discard 3 Circles?

Of course!

Then, I guess I'll have to draw it by myself Double jackpot!

You've really self drawn your own life this time

Self drawn your own life

You've declared a wrong win Pay us your life

My eyes may have been demonized fellow brethrens

Please give me another chance Otherwise I cart rest in peace

Alright Then we'll let you die in peace

Bless me, dear lord

You've gotta be kidding me

Kong!

Kong on Kong!

Kong again! Please Not another one

Kong on North again!

Be careful there Dort declare another wrong win

I better be extra carefuI

What's this tile?

Red Dragon

And this one?

3 Circles

Are you sure it's a 3 Circle because that's a Red Dragon?

It's a 3 Circle If you dort believe it then just try to declare a win

But this is a pair of Red Dragon! How could I be wrong?

I better not I'm on a losing streak 3 Circles

Red Dragon triplet

But he said it is a 3 Circle

That's what he said What do you think this is?

Red Dragon

Then I can triplet

No way! It's a Red Dragon I declare a win

Are you really declaring a win?

Of course I am So what?

Could it be my eyes that are being demonized?

Ghosts!

Dort strangle me!

We can let you go You'll just have to do something for us

Not a problem Just as long as you don't take me for a fool,

I'll do anything! I swear to God!

Inside this box is General Issei

Today is the rebirth of his poltergeist

You must bring him back to the mortal world

Thank goodness It's only a nightmare

It cart be!

Help!

Sneaky Ming, you're making an escape!

Evil spirits Demons

Dort move Sneaky Ming! Stop running

I'm not the one who wants to escape officers But there really is a ghost

That ghost is right behind you!

See? I told you he's always trying to con people

Let's go after him!

Please don't bite me buddy My blood's impure

I just found out last week that I'm infected with STD

I need to go to the toilet right away

What? Out of order? Under repairs again!

Hey! Open up! Who's in there?

Are you Man Chiu? Are you constipated again?

You must have eaten too much fried pork skin

Hold on tight! Just hold on

Now, wasrt that relieving?

I simply cart wait any longer I'll have to use the ladies washroom

Sorry about this but I really need the washroom Please understand my situation here

Sir!

What's wrong? Make it fast

We've got an escaped convict

Which one?

Sneaky Ming

Sneaky Ming?

Sir didn't you say you needed the washroom?

After such a critical hit? Not anymore

I've lost my mood to go

Even if I force myself to go, it wort be comfortable

It serves no point to be as constipated as him

Constipated? What constipation?

You two must get Sneaky Ming back here before I

come into work tomorrow morning

Otherwise you'd better buy enough mosquito incense and be prepared

to guard the reservoir you jackasses! You two follow me!

Smarten up!

Why does the term "jackass" have to be a donkey?

Why can't it be a jack rabbit, or a jack bunny?

Stop talking nonsense, you jackass! Let's go!

Ming has really got us into trouble this time

What's there to be afraid of? I'm a ghoul now

If I get my hands on him, I'll

Punch him hard 3 times in the face

You scum! You've had us running all over for you

Dort come near me I'm a ghost!

Ghost? Are you still trying to fool us?

I really am a ghost!

Oh really?

Cart you leave me alone even as a ghost?

Help! Police violence! Police officers beating up a ghost!

Go to hell!

Is that how he looks like?

Hey! Where did Sneaky Ming go?

You jerk! Here we are, working hard and you lay down to sleep down here

I'm a ghost officer We ghosts can get tired if there's no rest in the daytime

Tired, huh? Get up!

Is this the one who let you out?

More or less but there's 2 front teeth missing

What teeth?

You know? The ones that look somewhat like mine

Never seen anyone with such ugly teeth as yours

But it's true What I'm telling you is a true fact

Because we're both ghosts Fabricating again?

But sir, I'm really a ghost Really

Sure! Look at yourself! Do ghosts have shadows?

A ghost? Ghost can fly C'mon! Fly for us

Ghost can walk through walls Can you demonstrate that for us?

Please! Don't!

I can't do all of that yet, officer! I haven't even

passed the 7 day test yet I may still be half human

half ghost In laymars terms I'm just an apprentice

However I do have some powers If you doubt me why dort I try biting you?

Alright! Bite me!

Are you for real, Macky? Dort you worry!

Dort regret it! I wort

Even as a ghost, you're still as dumb as ever Would I use

myself as a test subject? Even if I wouId I'd prefer to test it out on you

Then what do you want?

You claim to be a ghost, right?

That's right

Ghosts shouldrt be afraid of buIlets right?

Correct!

Then, I'll aim at your chest and shoot you 3 times is that okay?

Not okay! I'm merely guessing

But what if I'm wrong? Then I'll really die

I'm not even sure if I'm really dead

And if I still got 1% of human mortality in me? It'd be such a shame to die like that

I may be guilty enough to be killed

But it'd be awfuI to turn you officers into murderers

You sure know how to protect us Personal reward from me

How can you prove you're a ghost?

I'll turn into ash when I see sunlight

Good This way we wort be in trouble

Let's give it a try

If you turn into ash, then I'll believe you're a ghost

Come on!

Please don't! I'm not a ghost I'm human

So you're human Then that means you can see the sunlight

No

What are you doing?

Marvelous! I heard you guys have caught Sneaky Ming, is that right?

Thanks for all the hard work

Yes, sir We've caught him but I'm afraid you wort recognize him

That's far fetched! Even if he turns into ashes, I'll recognize him right away

Where is he?

Very well sir Look at this pile of ash See if you recognize him

Dort tell me this is Sneaky Ming?

You numbskulls! Trying to play pranks on me?

Sir someone filed a report last night

There were claims that the cattle stable was haunted by ghosts

I've gotta take a leak Then, go on

Arert you coming along?

You're such a coward! I'll go with you

That's right! You're brave You were born in a funeral home

Did you hear a strange noise?

What noise?

I just farted

Hey! Did you see that?

Can I assume I didrt?

Of course not Let's go!

Dort lean on me like that!

Now, what would ghosts be doing with such a big piece of beef?

Could they be having a fondue?

I'm sure he's just playing dress up so he can steal some beef

Dort move! This is the police!

There's so many of them!

Hey vampires! What do we do?

Vampires need no identification Let's huddle around with them

Those fools have stepped out It's likely they're pretending to be vampires again

Wonder if they're biting pigs or cows this time?

Just as long as they're not biting people, it doesn't matter what they bite on

Stay here and wait for me to get everything prepared

Doctor

Nowadays, being a doctors is like acting in a stage play!

It's delicious!

Is it really delicious?

Of course not! Just keep up with the act

This time is for real What do we do now?

Listen to me!

It's mine No it's mine It's mine

Oh! What a waste what a waste

Very good!

Bottoms up!

That looks fierce!

That must be Count Dracula himself!

Go back to where you belong!

Green Hill, we'll be with you Never will we part

Green Hill, we'll be with you Ever in our heart

We don't know this song!

Sing the one that we won during kindergarden

Fly fly! You're awfuI Fly here and there! It's so annoying!

We can whack you away It really made our day

Fly fly! You're awfuI Fly here

I've never seen you two before!

We're new here

We can whack you away It really made our day

Fly fly! You're awfuI Fly fly

Hurry! Into the car! Whack you away

Green Hill Mental Asylum!

We're cops!

If you're really cops then they're the Governor Generals of Hong Kong

Hey! We're cops Open up!

We can whack you away It really made our day

Fly fly

What's so funny jackass?

Continue with your singing

Sir please don't make fun of us anymore

You fools! Who's the one toying with you?

Right now, I'm filing a report and gathering statements

Keep singing!

So when can we stop singing?

Exactly

Sing until your new superior heads into the office to report for duty

That's right I'm transferred here to be in charge of you two

My name is Fanny Ho

I'm a very democratic person

That's why there's no need for you guys to treat me as your superior

Just treat me as a friend

However anything this friend says is always right

Yes! Anything you say before the end of the world is right

Since coming into this district, the first case I'm handling is

to re apprephend Sneaky Ming back into custody

I've just read your filed report in regards to this case

Other than the ketchup stains and the 14 sets of typing errors,

the content is absolutely ludicrous

It is complete nonsense

Am I right about this?

You're right

From my point of view, Sneaky Ming did not turn into ashes

But he has in fact fled away

It's just that you two wort admit it am I right?

You're wrong!

I'm wrong?

So does this mean you treat me as your superior and not as a friend?

Fine! Then as your superior I'll tell you guys that

you have 48 hours to arrest Sneaky Ming

Otherwise turning into ashes wort do the two of you any good

Now, get out!

Bitch! Thinks she's all high and mighty coming in here with her shades on

Damn her!

Do you know what's the most haunted place around Hong Kong?

What's the matter? Posting a lost and found ad?

Ghosts can be anywhere Where else can we find Sneaky Ming?

With the way things are going, we'll have to take her to a haunted place in 48 hours

She'll believe us once she encounters a ghost

You nut! Havert you heard that the shrieks of a ghost

can't be heard when one is running on good luck?

She's a Chief Inspector

The metal ranks on her shouIders will surely

scare anyone away Let alone ghosts That'll be hard

We can drag her luck all the way down

How?

By making her eat dog meat

My mom said when one is in high luck that person shouId never eat dog meat

Otherwise that luck will slip away

It's summertime right now Where else can we find dog meat?

That's right

Ah Foon, this is really not your lucky day

The appetizers look really good today!

Oh yeah!

Uncle Wah, dort be so upset over Ah Foors disappearance

I'll treat you for a cup of tea

I'm sure you'll find him back

Ah Foon is like a lifelong friend to me

Once I find out who stole Ah Foon

I'll kill him!

What a delicious plate of beef brisket on rice!

Want to try some, Madam?

No thanks I prefer eating a sandwich

Dort you know how bad these sandwiches are?

They get exported to Ehthiopians

They eat them till their eyes protrude

But it's different with beef brisket on rice

It's cooked with its special sauce Give it a try!

I dort like eating beef brisket

Right on!

Beef briskets are for the common peasants

Successful people like Madam should be eating stuff like

fried rice with fresh tomatoes, beef and a hint of red peppers

It's certainly appetizing

Will you two leave me alone and

let me finish this sandwich in peace?

Sure!

So you're really not interested?

Get lost!

Yes, Madam!

Hey! It's time for lunch!

Yeah! Time for lunch

Damn! This beef stinks

It smells like cat food

Let me kill him!

Which one Which one?

But your beef stinks

My beef stinks? I say it's your head that smells bad

All the beef I serve is fresh!

You crook! Do you think you can get by with unfresh meat?

You may be able to fool others but you cart deceive me

I know it best since I was born in a cattle

I dort even care if you were born in a whorehouse!

Get someone else to try it if you still have any doubts

Very well

Somebody give it a try! Try it

Let me try

Get your hands off!

You'd eat anything in sight

You can never tell the difference

How about Madam? She's a fair person

Let Madam try it

Me?

Madam!

Madam, you've got to give me a fair judgement

How does it taste?

How is it?

It does taste a little strange

Strange, isn't it?

Eat another piece for a better taste

Why is there an imprinted number on this piece of beef brisket?

What? A number?

PC3661!

What? PC3661!

Isrt that Ah Foors number?

Chung, you've killed my Foon I'll get you for this!

Get that dog slayer!

Get him!

Block him! http://www.divx-titlovi.com

Get him! Dort let him get away with this!

I've got nothing to do with this

I'll strangle you to death!

The meat was given to me by Macky Kim and Man Chiu

They've even instructed me to do this act so that

they can trick Madam into eating dog meat

So it was you two!

I'm bad I'm wrong I'm low I'm a disgrace

Anyway it was my fault Yes! My fault!

I'm responsible for Ah Foors death

We were just playing around Madam

You animals! I must take revenge for Ah Foon!

Wait!

An eye for an eye A tooth for a tooth

I've killed Ah Foon but I can't pay you with my life

The least I can do is stab my own leg with this! Will that do?

How gallant! I'm proud enough to call you a friend

What a heroic thing to do!

Of course!

Go ahead! Stab

Fine! I'll stab in front of you

What the hell's wrong with you? You just stabbed me

Are you okay, Macky Kim?

You did the actual killing Who else wouId I stab other than you?

But you're the one who came up with the scheme!

The planner can't be classified as the guilty one

I always think of positions to use for making out with Millie

You never see her sueing me for rape now do you?

Ah Foon I'm sorry Bow Wow

Ah Foon I'm sorry Bow Wow

The floor's smoother than your face now, Madam Cart we get off yet?

Yeah!

No way! After this you boys have to wash all the police cars in the parking lot

Then, you'll have to come back here to polish the boots

Hey! We agreed to be punished by being police dogs

Ah Foon never had to polish any boots

Ah Foon never needed to be paid What about you guys?

Madam!

What's the situation?

Sit!

What's the matter?

A female corpse was found at the city reservoir

Come!

The deceased was a teacher in a school for the blind

We believe that the cause of death is excess bleeding from a left artery

Do you have any idea what bit her?

We cart be sure yet

Madam, believe us

This woman was bitten to death by a ghost

Yes, Madam We've even gathered information regarding this ghost

Look! This is the one who bit Sneaky Ming to death

When the war ended, he committed seppuku right beneath

our police headquarters He's that General Issei

Nonsense!

Do you want 2 extra pieces of furnture in your own home?

What do you mean?

If she doesrt become a vampire by midnight,

we'll cut our heads off as stools for you

Fine! Then I'll trust you two one last time

There's only one minute left

How can she rise? She's already dead

If the dead can re emerge from the dead then Hong Kong will overload

You're such a dimwit! Trying to deceive Madam like that!

You'd better wash your hair and prepare to become Madam's stool

You'd become a stool if I lose as well, remember that?

I'm trying to confuse her so she'd forget me

Better if one person lost instead of two

If you were born 20 years ago you'd be a traitor

Damn it! Did you just scold me?

Speaking Mandarin now, arert you? Step outside!

Fine! I'll step outside I've wanted to pound you for a long time

Pound me? Fine! Let's go!

She got up!

See? Was I right about that?

I've told you that she wort wake up Let's go!

Stool number one, stool number two

Yes!

Please be seated, Madam!

The stools in my home aren't used for sitting

They're used for kicking

That hard? Are you trying to kick us to death?

Do you think you'd be dead with a kick in the head?

Even a bullet through your heads wort kill you

Why not?

Because your heads are brainless

How can you make such a senseless claim?

Ghosts! Vampires! Are there any werewolves as well?

How can a dead corpse stare at me?

I told you she's wake up

It's a fact It's a solid fact!

Are you pleased now?

It's not because I proved myself right that is making me pleased

But rather because I've proven you wrong that makes me satisfied

Madam, where are you going?

I must report this to Chief Shun

Arert you afraid that he'll call you brainless?

Why are you following? You'd better lock up the room

If she escapes, you and I will be in serious trouble

Where's the key?

On the bed

The bed?

Take a rest If you get hungry,

I'll call the nurse to get you a bag of blood serum

I'm just here for the keys I dort mean to disturb you

Open the door!

Chiu, what's going on?

Chiu, open up!

You have been surrounded by the police!

Dort be stupid

Let's go

It's a good thing that I'm not needed

Move!

Tonight is your night!

Stop the car!

Right now, I'm ticketing you for dangerous driving and speeding

Here is your ticket

We're fellow cops on an assignment right now Please get out of our way

You shouId handle this one for yourself

Better hurry up and throw it away

So you're on a case, officer? What's the case?

We're in pursuit of a

A female junkie running around the streets in the nude

Running naked in the streets? We can lend a helping hand

You two can search that way!

Alright!

There's a ominous aura in this house You can tell that it's haunted just by looking at it

That's exactly what I have in mind

Are you sure? Maybe there's someone having a barbecue

Let's go!

I know But there's nothing wrong with checking it out Let's move!

A police officer's gotta be more agile Let's go!

She's a nutcase!

Unreal!

Hey! Dort push!

Go in

You've got guts! You are a courageous woman indeed

I'm ordering you guys to go in

See? I told you! She's a coward

Says who? I'll go in too!

I told you that she's brainless

Madam, step aside Allow me

Stand aside Let me at it! I'm a Karate expert

This door can be opened, Madam Come in!

What are you laughing at?

Dort move!

This ghost is really vicious!

What ghost?

So you're not a ghost?

You're insane! With me, Chung Fat Pak around

any spirits within 20 miles wouId move away!

Are you that good?

I'm not bluffing here I began training at the age of 5

Made a name for myself at 16 and opened a convenience store at 20

Why open a convenience store?

I've exorcised all the ghosts I had no business so I had to open

a store to make a living I need to eat, you know?

Who are you people?

We're cops!

Cops? What are you doing here?

We're in pursuit of a female goblin

A female goblin?

What do you want?

Madam, we've found the female junkie!

She's at the Three Saints House nearby

Great! Take us there

Hold on!

Shut the door!

You may come out now

Is everything alright, master?

Alright? It's only just begun!

What shouId we do?

Set up the altar!

You! Go to the henouse and bring back 2 cocks

Light up the 7 Star Lantern and keep it burning

Paste these all over the house

Cock cock

Where else can you run off to, you damned cock?

Help me Master!

That's very severe!

Kill the cock and bring me the blood

Kill I'll kill it

Kill it! Hurry up!

A little cut here should do It's still blood

Hurry up and kill it!

Here's your chicken blood, Master!

What? Only 2 drops?

You! Take care of it for now

Me? Go!

Stand aside!

What's wrong?

Get the chicken back!

Give me the knife!

We don't have any Can we smash it with a walkman?

You're out of your mind!

No way, Master! I cart hold on any longer

Master's really something! Move it!

Light the 7 Star Lantern again! Quickly!

It's done, Master!

Save me master!

You guys better leave! Hurry!

Go!

Let's get out of here!

Hurry!

Wait for me!

Where are you guys?

We're being allured by demons

My mother told me that if this ever happens, you shouId take off your underpants

and wear it on your head and keep walking forward Then you'll be fine

I can't take it off

What are you doing?

Taking my pants off to cover my head Think I'm making love to you or something?

I can't take it off!

Take mine and cover your head

Dort you dare! What about me?

Take another one off for her

Sure! Then, I'll take off my last one for you

No thanks Don't take it off It'll be all the same if I puII you from behind

Clever!

Where are you guys, Macky Kim?

I might as well take it off since there's no witnesses around

If I had a choice between getting bitten by rats,

I'd rather have you bite me to death instead Go on! Bite me!

This is no good! I wonder where Madam could've gone to

Yeah! Where could she be?

A rose?

If anyone leaks out information about what we saw tonight, I'll kill him!

Good morning, Madam!

Good morning You promised not to spread anything about last night

Dort you worry! Our lips are sealed

Rose I love you

We're only kidding Don't get so serious now

This tactic is really outdated You couldrt get a thief because of a ghostly encounter?

So what's the point of us police officers wearing the blue cap for?

We might as well hire Mr Exorcist here

Sir please believe me!

I was brought up in a civilized family

My education has always been in the logic of science

I've actually never believed in the paranormal before

But after what happened last night

I'm sure Sneaky Ming was killed by that creature

You imbecile! My father was a Taoist priest and my mother was a psychic

I've had supernatural sight ever since I was born

I live in a place that used to be a mortuary

If there are ghosts why cart I see them?

If the three of you still insist on saying there are ghosts,

then I must trouble you to capture one back for me to take a look

I'd be really gratefuI if you couId do it

Very well! Then, we'll capture a ghost back just for you

I'm all for it!

I'm not

It's two against one Majority wins

Then you two can go ahead without me

What are you scared of? That ghost can't be a threat in the daytime

That's just what you say You cart guarantee anything!

I'm not going and that's final!

Come on!

Those three must be up to something

I believe this is it, Madam

Move it! What are you afraid of?

Who said I was scared?

If you aren't scared then why are you carrying so much junk?

I brought them just in case protection is needed

Throw it away!

A wooden stake and hammer is all we need

Let's go!

Move it!

According to the weather forecast,

a solar eclipse which appears once

every 10 years will be happening in Hong Kong at 2pm

That's precisely in 15 minutes

The solar eclipse will take a duration of 3 minutes

Look at how beautifuI this place is

It doesrt look haunted at all It's more like a beach resort

And these containers I bet they're there for containing coconut or fruit juice

You know how it is with coconut juice Fresh and sweet!

Macky there's even a huge lounge

and a bar with lots of alcohol

Dort you believe me, Madam?

You dort?

You're pretty clever You saw through my deception too

How about this Madam? We'll get off work early and I'll treat you out to a disco

You dort like the disco, dort you?

Then, I'll treat you all for a barbecue

Why stare at me with such contempt?

So I'm scared of ghosts What's the big deal?

If I'm not going then I won't! I'll go home and play some mahjong with my mother

Man Chiu!

I know you guys won't let me off so easily

Hold on tight!

I know Just be carefuI!

Coming through Watch it!

It's hurt!

PuII harder, Man Chiu!

You're pulling off my pants!

Are you okay, Madam?

BuIlshit! Let's see if you're okay with being dropped to the ground like this!

You're so clumsy We'll talk inside

My abdominal's too big I'm stuck and I cart get in

Use a little more strength Pull harder!

PuII harder!

What now?

I can't! I don't think I can make it

You guys will have to do it without me

There's not much time left I feel bad for being unable to help

Go on no need to wait for me

Go on! I told you not to wait for me

Just leave him alone Let's do it!

Why are you so scared? It's not like this is the first time you've seen him

But this is the first time I'm doing this so I am a little scared

Your stake is reversed to the other way

What's the matter?

What are you so scared about? It's not your first time seeing him

I was psychologically prepared to see his head

Who wouId've guessed I'd see its feet?

Why is she there?

So this one must be

Who should we strike first?

Of course it's ladies first stupid!

Hey! Strike it!

Hey! Just strike it!

Strike

I'm striking it!

Just get on with it Don't be such a chicken!

Let me do it

It's merely past 2pm How can it be so dark all of a sudden?

Strike her!

Hold her down first I'll strike her

Strike her!

Now it's your turn!

Great! Let me hammer down that Japanese to death

Quick! Get in the casket!

It's none of my business! I'm just passing by making a delivery

See? I sell garlic

I've got nothing to do with this, your excellency

Really! It's none of my business Please don't come over

Dort! Dort come over No

Man Chiu!

What?

Where did that creature go?

How wouId I know? He might have gone out for an afternoon teatime

I'm really scared right now Better hurry up and tell Madam to get out of here

Come out!

I wort!

That thing is gone

I dort believe you

It's Macky Kim

Prove it

Oh geez! Rose I love you

I told you to never mention that again!

It was so horrific I'm not bluffing either

Wait for me! Hold on for a minute So where were we?

The story started a long time ago You came late

You guys better believe it Once the sun beamed down

the vampire just disappeared into thin air

Is this for real? Is this possible?

Uncle Chung, you're a retired exorcist

This field of work is your expertise

Can you think of any methods to capture that vampire?

You've really irritated him this time

Even if you came looking for him he'll come back to look for you

Dort scare me like that, Uncle Chung!

I'm not giving you a scare Madam

It's better for you to learn the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" procedure if

you want to sleep tight tonight

Is the difficulty hard?

Not at all Before you go to bed all you need to do is place a pair of shoes by your pillow

Place one shoe upwards and the other downwards

What's the meaning of this?

Dort you get it? It's a victory endorsement

Then you fold your pants in the shape of an octagon

Put it on the top of your head and use it as a pillow

And then you strike the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" post just like this diagram

Spirits wort dare to come into contact with you

We cart use this method for the rest of our lives

Is any absolute method to dispose him?

It's going to be hard ln fact, this is no ordinary vampire

Typical curses and peachwod sabres won't have any effect on him

That is unless you can find seven coffin nails!

Seven coffin nails?

These seven coffin nails are only useful if they've

been buried before a period of 7 weeks No more no less

First, you nail his 4 branches Then, his 2 air holes

And the last one must be aimed at his heart

So what will happen to him?

Then he shall be destroyed, never to be reincarnated ever again

Remember the "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper" stance when you sleep tonight

What do you think Madam?

It sounds too terrifying You boys shouId come sleep at my place

I'm all for it! Then we'll sleep at Madam's place tonight

You sleep in one room I'll sleep in the same room with Madam

We can keep ourselves safer that way

Your head is full of dirty perverted thoughts

It's not perversion It's called being naughty

I have a feeling that my taste is becoming much closer to Madam's

Low and unrefined right?

Low? Are you implying that Madam is unrefined?

Look! Do you know what this is?

It's a Japanese bonsai tree A symbol of culture and a sign of good taste

Japanese? It's from China!

Do you have any proof of that?

You want proof? Ln year 255 BC Emperor Qin sent Cheng Wu

to escort 3000 boys and girls

with these plants to venture in the Eastern shore That's Japan!

This is where they later settled and began to flourish

So how can you say they're not from China?

Cheng Wu was in the Ming Dynasty, not the Qin Dynasty

That's a thousand years apart And it was Hsu Fu, fool!

Anyway they're from China Since when has Japanese plants ever look so tall?

It's more Japanese when you shorten it up a bit

Now! That's more like it!

No! This does

Like this No shorter

The d? Cor of your place looks very refreshing Madam

My mother decorated it She passed away three years ago

Nothing's been moved or changed

Especially those 3 plants They were her favorites

You imbeciles!

I told you not to touch other people's belongings like that!

Well, we all seem to be hungry now I'll head out and get some midnight snacks

Dort believe anything he said Madam

I didrt touch your stuff I really didrt!

Do I look like a nosy person?

My family raised me properly

Macky Kim told me to pose as a woman by wearing this for him to see

He's gay Hence his Chinese name is Kim Mak GAY

He's gay

Damn that beady eyes Talking behind my back!

You'll feel my wrath very soon

Please don't be mad at me Madam!

Your father's not around to comfort you in Hong Kong

If you don't mind I could take his place

Get away from me!

Arert you afraid of being alone in your room, Madam?

"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!

It's just me Madam Are you lonely?

Get out!

Yes, Madam!

I guess that just proved she's not acting out of restraint She simply has no interest in me

I'm such a failure!

Man Chiu, what are you doing?

I'm giving you such a scare now aren't I?

Where are my undies? "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"

The other side of love is hatred Therefore I'll scare the crap out of you!

You nutcase! How can you be a cop when you're such a scaredy cat?

Help me Madam! Open the door!

No I won't

Open up! It's coming over

No! I won't

Close the door

Want midnight snacks? I'd rather give you guys a good scare first!

The ghost is pounding the door Let's get out of here!

I'm just having a little fun

Wait for me!

Is it faster this way?

No! I'm having a cramp

Now what?

There's only one thing to do since the situation has come to this We'll have to fight him

"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!

What dipper?

What the hell? That's so vicious he's behind the bushes

I am so dead

Shut up!

I'll bite you to death!

You're so damned pretentious! It's me! Macky Kim

It's you! Seeing you is such a relief

Say no more Let's go in and take a look at Madam

Where's the undies?

God! You're such a troublemaker

You saw me there, didrt you? "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!

It worked! "Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"

"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!

What eminent? It's me!

How is it? Is everything alright?

It really brings tears to my eyes, seeing you two here again

Why are you two standing over there?

Now, how was that? His blood tastes spicy

"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!

Lend this to me

"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"!

Dort bother me!

Dort come near me Help!

"Eminent Star Strikes Dipper"! What?

A fried breadstick?!

Now, what do we do?

We've only got two options

Which two options?

The first option is to go directly over to the haunted house

The haunted house? No way! I think I'll prefer the second option

Head over to the cemetary and look for seven coffin nails

Then, come over to the haunted house and meet up with me

The cemetary? That's just as bad

Let's move!

This looks too suspicious

You're such a coward! What are you doing alone in here?

I well don't you know? I'm here to look for Sneaky Ming!

So you've finally admitted Sneaky Ming is still alive!

Everybody shares the problem but never the reward, right?

This is absolutely logical You stay here and keep an eye on things

I'll get my reward

Catching thieves under such atmosphere is a lot of fun!

Sneaky Ming, why are you standing there like a block of wood?

Look at you! You're dressed like a freak show Are you trying to scare people?

It's absolutely pathetic!

Look at this! You've even painted over your fingernails Have you no shame?

No matter how hard you try, you can never look like a convincing ghost

Let me show you how real ghosts are

Excuse me I've made a big mistake

So Sammo Hung is here to make a horror movie

I love all his vampire movies

Where's Lam Ching Ying? I've always wanted his autograph

He's not here? Not a problem I'll come back another day

Hong Kong film productions are so serious nowadays

They've even gone to the lengths of hiring real ghosts for ghost flicks

No wonder they've become such box office hits

I wouldrt mind being part of the film industry if I had the chance

Help!

Ghost!

Help!

Help!

Help me Macky Kim!

Let's get out of here!

What now?

Fight back! We've still got a chance

Fight back?

Help!

The nails! They're here

Man Chiu!

To hell with it!

I'm going to get you!

Man Chiu!

Where's the nails?

Over there!

Help!

Hurry up!

Help!

That thing's right behind me!

There's a room over there Let's get out through that door

Let's go!

Hurry up...

Be carefull

Sir catch it! Great

Help! That really smarts

Help! Help me!

I'm sorry I didn't mean to do this on purpose

Hey! He's afraid of the sunlight

Not good

Are you alright sir?

I'm fine

What about you Madam?

I'm okay

Didrt he bite you?

No

Better do a thorough check

So you've been bitten?

Yes, but it's a hicky

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